I wrote this post sometime last year but things haven’t changed much. The only difference is that I’ve stopped dating altogether and keeping company with Chachi, the cat. He’s the main man now but that doesn’t mean that I’ve given up altogether. I’m learning what works and what doesn’t and believe it or not, I’m stronger. The problem is the more I find out about myself, the more I realize that NO ONE is going to be good enough! It comes with the territory. Know yourself and what you will settle for but at the same time be prepared to learn that what you’re looking for doesn’t exist! Or it’s a 100 in a million but that in itself says that there is still a chance. Fingers crossed!
Why do we keep repeating the same mistakes when it comes to relationships? Why do we gravitate to the same types of people?
These are the questions I ask myself over and over again. It seems that I am drawn to the same types I left behind. It’s been a never-ending cycle and it seems like Groundhog’s Day over and over again to the point that it is horrific and mind-boggling to say the least.
Liars, cheaters and emotionally-unavailable men seem to draw me in like they’re magnetized and I have no willpower when it comes to these types. I walk in gladly like a lamb to the slaughter.
There is a reason so say the experts. They say “opposites attract” and “we are drawn to people who are strong in areas we are weak.” Hmm….there is more to this concept according to them. Two people who have an abusive past will be attracted to each other because they are viewed as equals. However, an abuser is not necessarily attracted to another abuser. He’s attracted to an “abusee” – or someone who will tolerate and enable his abuse. So to make it short and to the point, the “abusee” is familiar with abuse, be it physical, sexual or emotional abuse and so she is attracted to someone who gives her what she’s already comfortable with it.”
LORD HAVE MERCY!
Is there no way out of this pattern? There is, but first you need to know that:
“Simplicity and Complexity need each other.” Unknown
However, there is a way out but not an easy one. You have to work at it with a narrow-minded focus.
Here goes. If you want to attract better, you must be better meaning you need to discard what is within you, the cause for your need to be abused. Find out where it stems from. Your childhood? Adulthood? The experts say look for patterns and don’t sweep what you find under the rug. The only way to learn from it, get past it, is to go through it. Otherwise, you’re doomed to repeat and attract the same types only in a different body!
This is exactly what I’m trying to avoid. As I have said in one of my other post, I am like a heat-seeking missile when it comes to the types I mentioned above. I find them!
Here are some tips from beyourownbrandofsexy.com on how to attract quality or high-value men. First, know yourself well and know what you need in a relationship and what matters to you.
Identify your Needs
Know what works and won’t work for you. Be selective and be ready to discard if something shows up as a red flag. “Loving the wrong person teaches you the red flags to watch out for the next time around.”
Don’t Settle
This is important. We tend to settle when we know that the person is the wrong type only because we tell ourselves that he will change or I can make him change. They don’t change, what they show you is what you get. So how do you stop attracting narcissists and the wrong men? DO NOT let them get close to you. Know what your non-negotiable dealbreakers are and stick to them.
Be your Own Person
This means be your own true authentic self. Say “no” to bad matches. Become your true, authentic self which helps you to gravitate to people who are better matches for you.
Be Persistent
If you want to end up in a solid relationship, persistence pays. This doesn’t mean being persistent in chasing the wrong types but staying true and waiting for the right one to show up. Dating is a learning experience and unfortunately, you’ll have rejections, bad dates and disappointments AND you’ll have to kiss some frogs but if you keep at it and know what you want, you might just land the man of your dreams.
While you’re working on that, take care of yourself as well. No point letting yourself go because that is not going to do it. Lose some weight if you have to, get fit both mentally and physically, take care of your skin and teeth because one guy did ask me to show him my teeth on our first date! They’re out there. Just know that physical appearance matters so present the best version of yourself.
Now, I have to go figure out the patterns in my life which make me attract the same types over and over again. That’s the cycle I need to break! I definitely want to break this cycle of attracting low-value men and having to kiss frogs and hoping that they’ll turn into Prince Charming. Time to get working to put my best self forward armed with the knowledge of exactly what I’ll settle for.
I swear if this doesn’t work I’m giving up altogether!
Have an amazing day.
Site Title 