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2024 in Recap

Should old acquaintance be forgot

And never brought to mind?

Should old acquaintance be forgot

In the days of auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear

For auld lang syne

We’ll drink a cup of kindness yet

For the sake of auld lang syne

I never quite understood what the lyrics are trying to say but each year when the year rolls to an end, we raise our glasses to this time-worn and popular song as if our lives and the new year depended on it AND bid Adieu to the year that will soon become a memory as the new year takes its place.

It is tradition some may say but there are also other traditions. How about those well-meant resolutions that we painstakingly jot down meaning every word of it only to let it gather dust in some dusty corner of your desk or room. Or if you’re like me, I have every intention of working on every single one of them but as the year comes to a close, I realize I’ve managed to keep up with only half of them. What about the other half? Well, they’re left forgotten or if I’m honest enough, too difficult to even take it a quarter of the way!

Let’s see. This year has been one of ups and downs. I’ve managed to keep a hold on what is necessary to move forward by working on myself. What does that mean? I’ve been using the three-pronged attack method but before you rush off to Google this, it is something I came up with myself. The three are your mental, physical and emotional health. I’ve taken my physical and mental self to task. Daily walks, meditation, deep breathing, workouts and writing not to mention a few visits to the beauty salon to keep that skin glowing have all helped with mental acuity and to keep my physical form in the best shape ever. What about the cheesecake fetish? Well, I should have added a few more pounds on my small frame but the workouts and the walks have done wonders in that respect. However, cheesecake is on the chopping block for the new year!

The emotional side has been harder. I’ve had to cut ties with some people who did not or were not contributing to my overall well-being. I had to let go of what did not serve me in order to find out what does. It was hard but I need to trust in the process and believe that doing so is to my best interest. I’m worthy, worthy of respect, love and friendships of a better variety.

No, this year did not bring me the “love” I was looking for but it did teach me that not everyone brings love into your life. Some come to teach you that there is a “better” out there. A better someone who will respect , love and accept you for who you are and that’s worth waiting for.

So, this year has been an eye-opener. I know that I’m set in my ways and as stubborn as a mule at times. I know I need to set my standards a little lower and not to take on losing battles. I know that I need to be grateful for all the lessons I’ve learned this year and as I move on to the next, those same lessons will help to catapult me to a “NEW YEAR” filled with possibilities, love and most of all peace I HOPE.

WISHING ALL OF YOU AND TO MY READERS (you are much appreciated) A NEW YEAR FILLED WITH WONDROUS POSSIBILITIES.!

Have an amazing day.

Relationships (Archives)

In my opinion, relationships are hard. There are ups and downs and sometimes they don’t contribute to your well-being. I find it hard navigating through relationships and at times I’ve had to let some go because it didn’t serve me and my needs.

One relationship that has had a positive impact on me is the one I have with Chachi, the cat. This little guy is a handful and a macho at times but if there is a “perfect” relationship then this is it. It is one where I do the talking and he listens. Not always but that adoring look does go straight to the heart. What he is really thinking that is another story altogether! We know our boundaries and as long as that is respected all is well in this household. It is a sort of give and take but what I get from him is hard to explain. It is comfort, warmth and definitely love as Chachi sees fit and that too is part and parcel of this relationship. Not always a win-win situation but I’ll take it. I am more relaxed in his presence and less stressed and that has made a positive impact on my life.

Daily writing prompt

What relationships have a positive impact on you?

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The Storytellers

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“We are all unreliable narrators, not just in the way we tell our stories to others, but how we tell them to ourselves.” Deb Caletti

We love telling stories don’t we? I think our whole existence is based on telling stories. We add and subtract as we see fit and sometimes or rather more often than not we blow it out of proportion to fit the narrative. The narrative that we see as our reality.

“The stories we tell ourselves shape our lives. They shape who we believe we are, and this belief translates into who we become.” John Assaraf

Something happens and off we go overthinking and putting a story together in our minds. “I’m not good enough,” comes to mind if there has been a rejection of some kind or if something doesn’t go exactly like we want. It could also be someone we like but who turned us down but the reality is that this person is not what we need and is not good for us but we drum up this story about how great he/she is and before you know it, we’ve got the dream person staring back at us but in reality they are far from it. We cling to the stories we tell ourselves but it doesn’t stop there. It morphs and changes shape until that “not being good enough” transforms into something we don’t recognize anymore. If that isn’t bad enough, we look for different angles to make it as bad as possible until there’s no climbing out of the hole YOU dug for yourself. Now, you’re facing a huge problem but one of your own making.

Yes folks, some of us are great storytellers and let’s add doomsday soothsayers to that and you’ve got the picture. The problem is we “buy” the stories we tell and we do put some doozies out there that could earn us the Nobel Prize if there is one for such storytelling!

“The stories we tell ourselves shape our reality. If you want to change your life, change the narrative you’ve believed up to this point.” Unknown

Tell yourself YOU are good enough. YOU can change the narrative. YOU can tell better stories than of the doomsday variety. YOU are capable and YOU can take whatever life throws at you and come out the winner. YOU, my friend, have it in you to come out with the best story possible. Make it your very best but you’ve got to change the narrative. Take “I can’t” and “It’s not possible” to “I can” and “I’m going to do it!” I keep telling myself that as well.

“The only thing keeping you from what you want is the story you keep telling yourself about why you don’t have it.” Tony Robbins

Let’s stop embellishing and making up stories, ones that if given the chance will bring us down and keep us there. Let’s change them to the positive variety, the kind that will get us on the way and into something better. Reality is sometimes just that, you take what is handed to you and work to make it your best reality without all the extra frills. You know what I mean.

LET’S DO THIS! Let’s change the stories we tell ourselves from that of the downtrodden to flying high! WE CAN DO THIS!

Have an amazing day.

If I Started a Sports Team…

It would have bright colors, something eye-catching as the logo. Add, Chachi, the cat as the mascot and you’ve got a winning team. The cry would be, “Fast, Furious and Fight! Fight! Fight! ”

The little cutie is a macho in disguise! Any sports team would be proud to have him as their mascot. He looks like a little lion at times and with his cross-legged stance, he draws you in like a magnet!

Daily writing prompt

If you started a sports team, what would the colors and mascot be?

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The “Me” Concept

Who am I? Sounds simple enough but this is a hard one to answer. It encompasses all of you, the big picture so to speak. Who you are, what you stand for, what shaped you and the experiences that have made you, the “YOU” of today are all part and parcel of this concept. Understanding yourself is vital to how you interact with the world around you. There is only one YOU, and your identity is unique, It is made up of your values, your beliefs, your relationships and your experiences and that in a nutshell is who you are as a person.

However, interacting with the world around you is not always an easy thing to do. It is much bigger than you are and sometimes downright scary. Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter and might even help with where you are in the grand scheme of things as far as your world is concerned.

“Focus on the step in front of you, not the whole staircase.” Unknown

One step at a time if you want to get somewhere and looking at that whole journey might just be a tad too overwhelming to say the least. Do it slowly and carefully and you’ll get there when the time is right.

“Once you learn how to be happy, you won’t tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less.” Unknown

Absolutely worth taking a note of. How often do we hang around people who make us feel less than we are? It is time to clean house and start afresh with people worthy of your company.

“The problem isn’t that your friends aren’t showing up for you…

The problem is that you’re still calling them friends.” Unknown

“You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with.

Choose carefully” Unknown

How true? Choose your friends carefully and the rest will fall into place.

“If you ever find yourself in the wrong story,

LEAVE.” Mo Willems

If something is not working and it becomes a struggle, change your strategy. You are not stuck where you are, there is always a way out to start anew. You just need to have the courage to say “I can do this” and move on.

“She wanted something else, something different, something more, passion and romance, perhaps, or maybe quiet conversations in candlelit rooms, or perhaps something as simple as not being second.” Nicholas Sparks

There you have it. Stop being the option and start being the priority. Stop choosing people who do not choose you.

Understand this….

“You can sound confident and have anxiety. You can look healthy but feel like shit. You can look happy and be miserable inside. You can be good looking and feel ugly. So be kind, because every person is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” Unknown

Kindness matters so JUST BE KIND!

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.

Watch your words, for they become actions.

Watch your actions, for they become habits.

Watch your habits, for they become character.

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

This actually speaks to the whole concept of who you are. What you do eventually becomes your character. Choose wisely and do the right thing.

“Learn to be done with people, not mad, not bothered but just done.” Unknown

This is hard for someone like me. It takes a lot to say I am done but I am learning. Sometimes it is a matter of survival the choices you make. Choose wisely.

“In the end, she became more than what she expected. She became the journey, and like all journeys, she did not end. She simply changed directions and kept going.” Unknown

This last one is poignant. I am on a journey of self-discovery and self-development and in so doing I am learning to give up what does not serve me, to change directions and to move towards what does. Not always easy I know but this is where self-awareness and self-worth comes in to guide you and to make it just a little less scarier than it is.

Have an amazing day.

My Political Views Over Time

I can be very political having written numerous articles over the subject but these days I tend to back away and stay quiet at times when I shouldn’t. However, when something seems so unjust or is colored with racist undertones, I speak out as I did with my article on “Magdeburg Germany,” where the horrific Christmas market killings took place.

Perhaps, my article “Trumpenitus” speaks clearly on my shift from being a Trump supporter to speaking out against him and his policies. Some people I know tend to have the same views but do nothing about it but I believe that “words” do have power and it can be used to bring good to an otherwise unjust world at times.

Daily writing prompt

How have your political views changed over time?

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Christmas Adieu! (Archives)

This post was from last year and I wasn’t alone this year either. My son decided to visit and it was nice. We had an alone mom and son time. Food was great, at least he thought so and he got all his favorites at one go! Well, just the tuna stuff he loves and lasagne with a salad to tone down the high-carb intake. Anyway, Christmas is over and time to bid it Adieu again!

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It has come and gone. The time of year where some wait religiously to put on their best light show and see who can outdo whom! The festival of lights in the Christian sense is now more about presents, presents, and more presents. Add the food fest and raucous family gatherings and you have the Christmas of today.

Never mind about that. It has come and gone and for some, it was a dreadful time especially if you are faraway from family and loved ones and had to spend it alone. It brings home “loneliness” and being “lonely” to another level. I hope you survived it as I did.

I was going to spend it alone and was prepared to do so with no problems at all. However, a friend was going to be alone as well as he had decided not to spend it with his son and family. Misery loves company as they say. He came over armed with roses and presents and even a present for Chachi, the cat!. How thoughtful but Chachi wasn’t buying any of it! He kept his distance and his mistrust showed in those big eyes and sweet face of his.

“Hey buddy, don’t try anything with my mommy!” was the message he gave and it came across loud and clear.

Dinner was nice. It was a low-key affair although he came dressed to please and I stayed in my sweats! I did deliver a good one. The menu consisted of wild boar in chestnut sauce, red cabbage and dumplings. Dessert was cookies and cake. You guessed it. It was cheesecake! We called it a night at 8 p.m. and Chachi, the cat, became the “main man” again. Exactly how he likes it.

If you’re wondering if he’s the one, it’s a definite no. He’s nice enough but there’s something missing and something else keeps telling me NO! It must be my usual, “No one is good enough,” stance or my intuition is working overtime to guide me in the right direction. Let’s hope it’s the intuition part.

Christmas Day found me in my pjs all day and breathing a sigh of relief that I didn’t have to bother with cooking and putting on a spread. It was leftovers and that was perfectly fine. I watched stand-up comedy which kept me laughing and I had Chachi, the cat, cuddled up next to me. It was a nice Christmas but I’m glad it has come and gone. Next up is New Year’s Eve but I’m opting for the quiet variety as well. A recluse? Seems that way doesn’t it? I’m loving it and that’s all that matters.

Have an amazing day.

The Questions

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Why do we keep repeating the same mistakes when it comes to relationships? Why do we gravitate to the same types of people?

These are the questions I ask myself over and over again. It seems that I am drawn to the same types I left behind. It’s been a never-ending cycle and it seems like Groundhog’s Day over and over again to the point that it is horrific and mind-boggling to say the least.

Liars, cheaters and emotionally-unavailable men seem to draw me in like they’re magnetized and I have no willpower when it comes to these types. I walk in gladly like a lamb to the slaughter.

There is a reason so say the experts. They say “opposites attract” and “we are drawn to people who are strong in areas we are weak.” Hmm….there is more to this concept according to them. Two people who have an abusive past will be attracted to each other because they are viewed as equals. However, an abuser is not necessarily attracted to another abuser. He’s attracted to an “abusee” – or someone who will tolerate and enable his abuse. So to make it short and to the point, the “abusee” is familiar with abuse, be it physical, sexual or emotional abuse and so she is attracted to someone who gives her what she’s already comfortable with it.”

Lord have mercy!

Is there no way out of this pattern? There is but first you need to know that:

“Simplicity and Complexity need each other.” Unknown

However, there is a way out but not an easy one. You have to work at it with a narrow-minded focus.

Here goes. If you want to attract better, you must be better meaning you need to discard what is within you, the cause for your need to be abused. Find out where it stems from. Your childhood? Adulthood? The experts say look for patterns and don’t sweep what you find under the rug. The only way to learn from it, get past it, is to go through it. Otherwise, you’re doomed to repeat and attract the same types only in a different body!

This is exactly what I’m trying to avoid. As I have said in one of my other article, I am like a heat-seeking missile when it comes to the types I mentioned above. I find them!

Here are some tips from beyourownbrandofsexy.com on how to attract quality or high-value men. First, know yourself well and know what you need in a relationship and what matters to you.

Identify your Needs

Know what works and won’t work for you. Be selective and be ready to discard if something shows up as a red flag. “Loving the wrong person teaches you the red flags to watch out for the next time around.”

Don’t Settle

This is important. We tend to settle when we know that the person is the wrong type only because we tell ourselves that he will change or I can make him change. They don’t change, what they show you is what you get. So how do you stop attracting narcissists and the wrong men? DO NOT let them get close to you. Know what your non-negotiable dealbreakers are and stick to them.

Be your Own Person

This means be your own true authentic self. Say “no” to bad matches. Become your true, authentic self which helps you to gravitate to people who are better matches for you.

Be Persistent

If you want to end up in a solid relationship, persistence pays. This doesn’t mean being persistent in chasing the wrong types but staying true and waiting for the right one to show up. Dating is a learning experience and unfortunately, you’ll have rejections, bad dates and disappointments AND you’ll have to kiss some frogs but if you keep at it and know what you want, you might just land the man of your dreams.

While you’re working on that, take care of yourself as well. No point letting yourself go because that is not going to do it. Lose some weight if you have to, get fit both mentally and physically, take care of your skin and teeth because one guy did ask me to show him my teeth on our first date! They’re out there. Just know that physical appearance matters so present the best version of yourself.

Now, I have to go figure out the patterns in my life which make me attract the same types over and over again. That’s the cycle I need to break! I definitely want to break this cycle of attracting low-value men and having to kiss frogs and hoping that they’ll turn into Prince Charming. Time to get working to put my best self forward armed with the knowledge of exactly what I’ll settle for.

I swear if this doesn’t work I’m giving up altogether!

Have an amazing day.

My Perfect Space for Reading and Writing.

This one is easy because I already have it. It’s a room I call my office space, not too big and not too small. Just cozy and perfectly furnished but with lots of clutter because “clutter” somehow gets my creative juices flowing.

It has one big window and if I look up while I’m writing, I see the fields in the distance and today they are shrouded in fog. Sort of spooky looking but enough to get some ideas going. Just in front of the window is a big Japanese Cherry Blossom tree which is gorgeous in spring when in full bloom. Right now, it looks bare with little droplets of water clinging to its branches. Still a pretty sight.

This is my perfect space and if I add Chachi, the cat, sitting on the window ledge than this space becomes more than perfect.

Daily writing prompt

You get to build your perfect space for reading and writing. What’s it like?

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On the Way

A Series on Getting Back on Track

Alice asked the Cheshire Cat, who was sitting in a tree. ”What road do I take?” The cat asked, “Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know,” Alice answered.

“Then,” said the cat, “it really doesn’t matter, does it?”

“So long as I get SOMEWHERE,” Alice added.

“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”

I had taken the all important step a few days ago. Standing on that cliff top I jumped hoping to fly because the voice in my head kept saying, “Don’t be afraid of falling, you can’t stay, you need to go. You can’t be where you are and anywhere is better than where you’re at now.” I was staring at a brick wall that refused to give way no matter how hard I pushed. But then again, there is nothing to be had from drinking from an empty cup. The survival mode kicked in and I knew (I) not someone else, had to take the reins of my own life and do something, anything. I needed to GO!

Go within yourself, I heard it scream. It is within myself that I have found the strength in times past. When the murder of my mum took place, I screamed, “I can’t! I am filled with rage and anger. I want to kill!” No, the miraculous recovery and the coming to terms did not take place overnight. Yes, I wore sackcloth and ashes for a long time and my feet stopped moving. My life had come to a standstill. A year later I was still shaking my fist at the wind until a tiny voice brought me back to earth. It was the voice of my six or maybe five year old at the time, I am bad with time, who said, “Grandma is in heaven mommy.” I had forgotten about him in my day to day existence of wanting revenge and vengeance. I knew, I knew that I was holding on to something or someone I couldn’t bring back. My mom was gone, her time on earth was short for whatever the reason. I was still hanging on and I needed to let GO! Leaving the sadness, anger, heartache and fear behind was hard, very very hard but the choices were simple or so it seemed. GO or STAY and fight a losing battle. So I started moving. A short while later, I took the leap off that cliff. Did I fly? No, it took small steps, very small steps but eventually I did make it out of my misery. The day I said, RIP mom was when I realized I had arrived. I felt my wings take flight again.

Divorce came next. It started with his infidelity but perhaps it started long before that. Tragedy has a tendency to destroy if you let it and I did. I was so busy caught up in wanting revenge for my mom’s murder that I stopped living. Nothing existed but that tiny world of being consumed with hate towards someone I didn’t know, hadn’t seen but who had turned into a giant because I had given her that power. Instead of relegating her to where she belonged because she had taken a life, I gave her power over my life just as when she stood over my mother and took hers. I had hit rock bottom. It hurt and it hit hard. This time around it took longer. As usual, blame steps in wearing bells and wanting to pin the blame tag on someone. The truth of the matter is perhaps both parties were to blame. That said, I am not saying that infidelity is alright. Absolutely not! When one cheats or makes the choice to cheat, it is either temptation has taken over or they don’t care about the consequences and you as the significant other do not matter anymore. Whatever the case maybe, I was back on the cliff top, and I knew I had to jump and GO! If I stayed, I would be crawling for the rest of my life because my wings had been clipped again. I took off but unfortunately I landed with a thud! Those wings needed time to grow back and I had to do the work. It seemed so unfair. Again there was no miraculous recovery. I went deep within myself and I did some drastic rebuilding. My self-esteem, my confidence and my belief system had all taken a beating and that is putting it mildly. No more crying 24/7, no more letting go of myself and my looks had suffered too. Small steps I told myself, some days I didn’t see the progress but I kept on until one day I realized that my wings were sprouting again.

That was a few years back. As humans we tend to make the same mistakes over and over again. So here I am back to square one again. Like Alice, I don’t know where I want to go just so long as I get myself away from here. But as the cat said, you just have to keep walking to get to that SOMEWHERE. Is that what I want? Just somewhere? Perhaps I’ve been doing it all wrong. I don’t want to end up just somewhere because I would be back here again at some later point in time. I want a destination. This time around just an overhaul isn’t going to do it. I need to change my mindset. I needed to keep going for as long as it takes but I need to put in the work along the way as well. I know I will have setbacks and fear, my biggest enemy, will make me stumble but if I keep going, one step at a time I might just get to where I need to be. ”It is going to be a long journey so be prepared” says that little voice. ”You’ll want to run back to where you began” but that ship has sailed and scaling back up the cliff is a no go so I have to keep going on the path I’ve chosen.

How long will it take? I don’t know and that is the scary part. I also know deep within that when I arrive I’ll be ready to fly again.

“Take a leap of faith. You will either land somewhere new or learn to fly.” Kandyse McClure

Update: I started this blog a year ago and I’ve been on this journey of self-recovery ever since. I’ve made progress but there is still a long ways to go. Some days I take 10 steps back and with others I see progress. It is slow going but nothing comes easy and I understand that I need to keep moving and to keep working on myself to get to the other side of here, wherever that is, but I know deep within that there is a “better” out there and I will get there someday just so long as I keep moving, one step at a time.

Have an amazing day.