letsgetitoutfront

The Cinderella Effect (Archives)

A friend sent this a few days ago and it got me thinking.

“If life doesn’t feel like a fairytale,

If every beautiful sentence seems like ridiculous madness to you…..

Take your existence by the hand,

Be the artist of your own future,

Don’t wait for toads to turn into princes, or pumpkins into carriages,

Remember that everything that was conquered with effort, smells of joy that knows no limits,

Be your own fairytale.” Unknown

I would love to take that last line to heart but fairytales are made of fairy dust and all things nice. The guy gets the girl, a pair of glass slippers has the power to snare a prince and there is a fairy godmother who orchestrates the whole shebang! How far from the truth can it be? These days things just don’t work that way. I am not sure if it did work that way in Fairytale Land but make-believe is just that, you can work magic into anything and parade it as the truth and have people swallow it lock, stock and barrel!

These days you pick someone out of a dating site, whichever it might be. Then begins the excruciating task of deciding if it’s a “yes” a “no” or it lands in the maybe pile. It all boils down to as the saying goes from the Frog Prince, “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your handsome prince.” Not appetizing is it? And even then, you might just walk away with nothing to show for it and that is the reality of it.

Life is not a fairytale. The girl doesn’t always get the guy in the end and there is no walking off into the sunset and happily ever after either. More often than not the shoe doesn’t fit and heartbreak follows in its wake. I could go on and on but I am going to stop right here and lighten the mood a little. I hope these quotes help to keep you company as we go through life searching for that needle in the haystack.

“Someday my Prince Charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.” Unknown

That hasn’t changed much. You know what I am talking about if you’ve ever been in a car with a guy and he refuses to admit that he’s lost. Nothing new there.

I love this next one from Ms. Oprah Winfrey.

“Mr. Right’s coming, but he’s in Africa, and he’s walking.”

Ms. Carrie Bradshaw had a lot to say on this topic as well.

And just like that:

“A relationship is like couture. If it doesn’t fit perfectly, it’s a disaster.”

The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

“Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want and just see what happens.”

“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a girl will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”

Don’t despair. As the Fairy Godmother said:

“Even miracles take a little time.”

If all else fails,

Ladies,

Please stop wasting your time looking for Mr. Right.

Just find Mr. Left and drag that sucker to the right!

Just an update on this one. IT DOES NOT WORK and I’m still looking!

Have an amazing day.

Fearful Things?

I have many from a fear of ghosts, blood, sickness and the unknown but if I had to pick one and not from that list, it would be this one. It is the fear that “I am not enough.”

I often tell myself that I can’t do this or that or that it is impossible because I don’t have it in me to weather the storm or that I am not strong enough. I am learning that this is far from the truth. I have done so many things in my life and looking back, I don’t know where or how I got the strength to do what I needed to do to survive what life threw my way. I survived my mom’s murder, I overcame the disastrous effects of a divorce and I accompanied a friend to his deathbed and told them to stop the meds and to let him go. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. I did it all when I was faced with the circumstances and there was no running away from it and “I was enough” at those times.

I think we are all fully capable of doing the unimaginable when life demands it. In my case, I had no choice. It was there and I had to deal with it or drown and be washed away in sorrow, rage, anger and fear. I chose to stand back up and it took superhuman strength and the will to survive. The unknown or rather the fear of it is something I grapple with everyday but I know that when the next “lesson” shows up I just have to grab the bull by the horns and go with the flow knowing that “I am enough” and I will overcome whatever it is.

Daily writing prompt

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

View all responses

A Breath of Fresh Air

It’s been days since I took a walk in nature simply because the rain had set in and staying indoors is the thing to do when it is cold, windy and nasty outside.

Today it is different. The sun is finally making a showing and the temperature is going up. It’s a perfect day for a walk. Bundling up as I usually do, I head outside only to find that the tulips are sprouting. We are still in winter so there’s no way that could be happening or could it?

I make my way to the fields and it looks different too. The perpetual haze is gone and the mountains in the distance are clearly visible. The birds are chirping incessantly in the trees and the tempo is picking up, the tempo of life I mean. Something is definitely happening. Could it be the advent of spring?

Remember my article on, “The Tease,” where I spoke about the non-existence of snow this year? It still stands true and now everything is in a rush to show that winter is done with and better days are ahead. However, I’m still waiting for snow!

The walk itself was uneventful except for a neighbor walking her dog. She smiled and waved and when we were face to face she said, “It feels like spring doesn’t it?” with a great big smile plastered on her face. She took the words right out of my mouth!

Walking further out into the fields, I hear it. The cackling was strong and as I looked to see where it was coming from, I noticed the familiar V-formation in the sky above. A flock of ducks were flying high and making a racket as a few stragglers tried keeping up with them. They were not heading out but coming back in! I stood and watched this mesmerizing spectacle wondering if spring is really coming early this year or is it just a “tease” like with the snow that never got here.

Whatever the case maybe, change is coming and nature alone decides when and how it all takes place. What about climate change? That’s a different story altogether!

Have an amazing day.

My Pet Peeve

I would say it is men! The kind I’ve met on my forays into the dating world. The narcissists, the egoists, the two-timers, the ones who need anger management control classes, the control freaks and last but not least the emotionally unavailable men. These are the same ones who call me “complicated!” It’s okay because I wear that moniker with pride and I don’t let it get to me.

Where have all the good men gone? I don’t know but they are nowhere to be seen or found. I seem to attract the aforementioned types like a magnet and it never fails until the “nice guy” I meet turns into one of those above.

I’ve decided to do a timeout to find out what is causing this peculiar obsession with such men. This year, it is a definite work on “Tia” time before I head out again. I’m sure the “one guy” who is a perfect match for the “complicated” me is out there somewhere so I’m going to bide my time and let him find his way to me. In the meantime, nature keeps me company and the animal life helps to soothe that frazzled soul!

Daily writing prompt

What do you complain about the most?

View all responses

Pete Hegseth

Secretary of Defense, Pete Hegseth, was sworn into his new role by Vice President JD Vance on January 18th.

“When President Trump chose me for this position, the primary charge he gave me was to bring the warrior culture back to the Department of Defense.” Was it missing? The warrior culture I mean.

He further added, “He, like me, wants a Pentagon laser-focused on lethality, meritocracy, warfighting, accountability and readiness.” He also said, “this is the most important deployment of my life.”

All fine and good. Let’s take a good hard look at the 29th secretary of defense. First of all, he is the least qualified person to ever serve in this position. However, he has two things going for him according to Michael J. Hicks, an Opinion Contributor with USA Today.

“First he doesn’t give a whit about our Constitution. Indeed, he seems eager to fire generals based solely on their willingness to obey the legal orders of the reelected president.”

Hmm….

One of the two characteristics that make him a perfect candidate to serve under Trump.

Second, “Hegseth’s private life provides close parallels to those of the 47th president. Hegseth has cheated on at least two of his three wives, divorcing two.”

By the way, is the President aware that Hegseth once claimed on national TV that he hasn’t washed his hands for 10 years because, “germs are not a real thing. I can’t see them; therefore they’re not real.” He later claimed it was much ado about nothing. So, what does the 47th president and self-professed germophobe think about this and more importantly did they shake hands? He’s good-looking so germs don’t matter that much right?

Let’s look at Pete Hegseth’s tattoos. The man has multiple tattoos and two of them are often associated with extremist groups. The chest tattoo of the Jerusalem cross and an arm tattoo of the Latin phrase, “Deus Vult,” meaning “God Wills it.” Hegseth gave pushback saying, “I don’t give a damn – but this type of targeting of Christians, conservatives, patriots and everyday Americans will stop on DAY ONE at (Trump’s) DoD.”

It did but for targeting immigrants with tattoos. Trump thinks immigrants with tattoos are all criminals. What’s good for the goose is also good for the gander? Not in this administration.

If you kowtow to the “new Messiah” all things are possible is the message. Tattoos, sexual assault charges and no qualifications don’t matter. If you do the bidding, you’ve got it made!

Living Your Best Life

“Put yourself first on your priority list and watch your life get better.” Unknown

One interpretation of living your best life is to “live a life that makes you happy and also one that allows you to live your full potential.” quora.com

Concentrating on yourself is of the utmost importance. If you want to live your best life, put yourself first and foremost on that priority list. It starts with YOU and if you can get your act together everything else falls into place and even if it doesn’t, give it time to right itself out. In the meantime you’re standing where you should be and that is at the top of your list.

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” Unknown

Each day do what is necessary to get yourself back on track. If you’re down on your knees, stand back up. If all you see is grey clouds and no sunshine, make your own sunshine. Put on a smile, get dressed and go out and shine! Never underestimate the power of a smile, it does wonders for your psyche and your soul. So make sure to wear one even if you don’t feel like it.

Talk to yourself. Tell yourself, “I love you!” Sounds crazy? Not really. Sometimes or rather more often than not, we forget the person we carry around with us. The special someone who stands by us through all our big and little moments of sadness, joy, heartbreak and everything else that goes to make up this life of ours. Show it some LOVE. I’ve started doing this practice of positive self-talk and I say, “I love you,” “I’m thankful for your support,” and “I’m grateful for all the things you do for me.” After I finish I give myself a hug, a make-believe one but a hug nonetheless. This has proved to be an absolute game changer and within a few minutes I feel calmer and “happiness” courses through my whole being. Not always but that is okay too.

Here’s another important point. If you want to live your best life, don’t beat yourself up. You’re beautiful as you are and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! We are our own worst enemy and I know I am. I often tell myself, “Your hair looks bad today!” Or that little spot on my face has taken gigantic proportions and is now staring back at me with a grin. Sometimes I say, “I just don’t like how I look!” I’m learning to tone down the rhetoric and to be kinder and gentler with myself. These days if someone says, “You look good,” I accept it wholeheartedly without resorting to, “but that’s not what I saw this morning as I looked in the mirror!” Vanity can be a downer at times but learning to accept yourself flaws and all is the way to go.

One Day It Clicks

“You realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself. You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you would never recover. And you smile. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.” Unknown

Go out and live your very best life and while you’re doing it don’t forget to have an amazing day!

My Favorite Sports?

I don’t do competitive sports so there is nothing I watch or play. I used to do fast walking in competitions but that was years ago. Now, it is just walking for exercise to keep fit and to get out in nature.

Men are into competitive sports I think. Tennis, football and golf just to name a few. When I was married, I used to watch football not because I was interested in it but because I kept him company and went through the motions of liking what I saw especially when the ball made a goal. Those days are done with.

When I was a kid, I used to play in the boy’s football team. Dad was the coach so he let me even though I was the only girl in an all boy’s team. I don’t think he liked it that much but dad being dad decided, “this too shall pass” and bit the bullet and said nothing much to it. It did pass. I’m a quieter version of who I used to be and if you’re looking down on me, mom and dad, go ahead and smile, I’m the “lady” you wanted me to be!

Daily writing prompt

What are your favorite sports to watch and play?

View all responses

Sleep, Where Art Thou? (Archives)

Photo by SHVETS production on Pexels.com

Ever laid awake all night and wondered why sleep is evading you? If you have, you’re not alone. Say hello to your comrade-in-arms. It started several months ago. Out of the blue, my sleepless nights appeared wearing bells and grinning from ear to ear and since then I go to bed with good intentions but alas, “sleep” is nowhere to be found.

After months of feeling like a walking zombie, I started looking for natural remedies to my sleep problems. I tried yoga and did everything that was asked of me short of turning myself into a pretzel and although yoga helped to keep me pliable like warm taffy, it didn’t help me as far as sleep was concerned. Next on my list was a warm cup of milk. Sprinkle some turmeric, stir it around to turn it into a golden delicious liquid and you’re good to go. Lo and behold, a miracle happened the first time I tried this magic potion. Half an hour later, I was sleeping like a baby and woke up feeling refreshed like a new-born with nowhere to go. However, this solution was a one-trick pony. The following night, this miracle sleep elixir had lost its shine and I was back to square one, looking pretty in my floral pyjamas but I couldn’t lure “sleep” into my bed.

A week later, a friend told me about guided sleep meditation videos on YouTube. Ah yes, YouTube, the guru on all things wrong with this world. I decided to give it a try. I spruced myself up for sleep with YouTube splashed across my TV screen. Let me tell you, the choices are plenty. There are videos lasting just 15 minutes and guaranteed to put you to sleep but alas they hadn’t reckoned on me. I am a tough cookie. There are also videos that go on for about 1 1/2 hours but by the time I made it to 1/2 an hour, I threw off my blanket in irritation and switched it off. I was wide-awake and sleep was nowhere to be found.

Finally, I read somewhere that deep breathing helps. I decided to give this one a go. What did I have to lose except that bug-eyed look from too little sleep. I approached it cautiously. I tried taking 5 deep breaths, each one slowly in through the nose and then out through the mouth. The trick is to take your time breathing in and out. After the fifth one, I felt myself relaxing. Oops, something was definitely happening. Next, I had to take five more breaths, this time breathe in through the nose, hold for five counts and release through the mouth. After the third breath, hold and release, I could see my Prince of Sleep approaching slowly. That night I slept like a well-fed baby. I tried again the next night and again it sent me off to La La Land in no time at all. Truthfully though, I have to add that it doesn’t work every night and some nights, it takes a little longer for sleep to appear but this method does work. I followed this up with the dead man’s pose. Taken from yoga, this has a propensity to totally relax you. Here’s how it works. Lay on your back on the floor or your bed, fully stretched out. Let yourself go, first relaxing your feet, then your ankles and so on until you reach your head. Work to let go of thoughts that enter your mind and reel it back in to your breathing. Easier said then done but with practice, this is a sure fire way to catch some zzz’s. So if you are like me, sleepless in bed or wherever you’re at, give these two methods a go.

Sleep deprivation or rather not sleeping enough is a big problem. It affects your health significantly. Sleep disorders have been linked to other factors such as stress, relationship problems, medical health conditions just to mention a few. What I do know is that if not treated, this condition can cause memory problems, can affect job performance and cause problems in your relationship. Some of the solutions I have stated above did not work for me but it might for you. All I can say is give it a try, who knows it may just be the right remedy for you.

“Good night, sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs bite.”

If I Won the Lottery…

I would go quiet because first of all, it would be a shock to the system and second, I would stay there for a while!

Winning the lottery is a dream that many have but it never comes to fruition. In my case, I would fix the roof. It is alright for now but if I had the money to throw around, I would invest in putting a Tudor-style roof on the house. It costs an arm and a leg to fix a roof here so that would be one luxury I would look at. Of course, family, friends and my son would benefit from all that excess and what else?

Travel comes to mind but since I’ve traveled to many parts of the world, it is not high on my list of things to do. Sri Lanka is still on my list of places to visit because it is breathtaking and simply beautiful but first I need to get out of my “recluse” mode! Oh, I would try to run a homeless shelter in honor of someone I knew. Universe if you’re listening, let’s make it happen!

Daily writing prompt

What would you do if you won the lottery?

View all responses

TRUST

A series on Getting Back on Track

“There are two reasons why we don’t trust people.

First – we don’t know them.

Second – we know them.” Unknown

The other day someone asked me, “Why can’t you trust me? Today as I walk the route I always take, thoughts run through my mind and this question arises over and over again. ”Why can’t I trust him and especially anyone for that matter?”

Then this quote pops into my mind. I’ve heard it many times before but today as the trust issue resurfaces, it brings new significance to it.

“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair.” Dhar Mann

It is defined as “having confidence in someone or something” and it means, “I can rely on you to do the right thing.”

Several years ago, I found myself face to face with the horrific dilemma of having placed my trust in the person who had sworn to love and protect me till the end of time and he turned out to be the same person who brought me down to my knees when he took that trust and threw it out the window for a roll in the hay with someone else. It had taken 17 years to build, the foundation was being laid brick by brick but it took only seconds to destroy and the “forever” part well I know that it will take forever to repair.

As I round a bend in the path all is quiet and it is grey and foggy. I realize that it is the perfect stage for where I am right now. Then a small smile crosses my face as I see this quote flash by out of nowhere.

“Don’t ask me to trust you when you’ve given me every reason not to.” Unknown

I don’t think it is about playing detective, trying to find out if you’re telling the truth and keeping tabs on everything you do. It is more about that feeling within, that intuition or call it gut feeling, if you will, that tells me that something is not right here. Pay heed to that gut instinct because it has your best interest at heart. No matter how he professes to love you and even if he stands on his head and declares that he has been faithful to you, take it with a pinch of salt or better still, tell yourself I have “forever” in front of me and time enough for you to show me that I CAN TRUST YOU.

Once I caught my ex in the act of cheating and being the liar he is, I told him, even if I catch you in the act, you will jump up and say, “You didn’t see what you just saw!” Cheaters, well there are plenty of them out there and before placing your trust on a whim or in a moment’s notice, take your time, observe, pay attention to the signs and never, NEVER be pushed into trusting someone simply because they say so.

“Some people aren’t loyal to you, they are loyal to their need of you. Once their needs change, so does their loyalty.” Unknown

Coming back to the question asked by this friend. ”Why can’t you trust me?” My answer goes like this. ”You know the answer and the truth lies within you.” On this journey I have chosen, I am looking for that needle in the haystack.

“I want to hold your hand at 90 and say, “We made it.” Unknown.

If I may add to that, perhaps only then can I say, “I trust you with my whole heart and you will just have to be patient. We have time enough until then.”

The sun is starting to peek out and today is going to be an amazing day.

I am moving on……