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The Hard Things (Archives)

Most of us cringe at the thought of doing the hard things. Be it a break-up, walking away, losing a job and letting go of things that no longer serve us, it is an exceptionally hard thing to do. It is also not something we look forward to because it means taking the bull by the horns and waging war on what seems to be an impossible task at first. Given time, patience, perseverance and a hard-headed look at what needs to be done to get to the other side, we find it is doable but not easy.

Easy is not what life is about. If anything, easy is not in its vocabulary. It seems at times that “living” is about going through the hard stuff. Sometimes one and sometimes a string of unsolvable and often times impossible situations but you and I know that it is those hard times and how you deal with them that brings out the strength in you. Sure, it would be easier if we didn’t have to deal with them but when has that stopped life from throwing it our way?

Where would we be without them? Probably having a great time without having to walk through the minefield of the hard stuff all equipped and designed to bring you down to your knees if you make a false move. There is no right or wrong way of going about it, it is trial and error and an undying resilience to take what is handed to you and to make it work for you. We’ve all made those false moves where we’ve crashed and burned and just when you think there is nothing left to do except to pick up the pieces and make the most of it, there is light at the end of the dark tunnel. There is that open door that beckons because as you know when one door closes, another one opens but it is human nature or at least it is mine to look past it and back at the one that has closed and is no longer available.

“Hard things are hard because there are no easy answers or recipes. They are hard because your emotions are at odds with your logic. They are hard because you don’t know the answer and you cannot ask for help without showing weakness.” Ben Horowitz

The hard stuff has kept me captive for longer than I want to admit. Truth is, I don’t do “HARD” well. Holding on is my nemesis, letting go of things that no longer serve me is harder still and moving on, well that is an impossible task at times. I hold on hoping that changes will come my way but it never does. Things happen for a reason, people are the way they are because they are wired that way and looking and hoping is not going to change things. However, whatever life throws your way, there is a lesson in there somewhere but it is hard to see when it first hits you. I think we fail miserably at times because we walk in circles, bang our heads on that closed door and refuse to move on until we are drained of energy and there is nothing else to do but to walk through that open door. Human nature at its best? I think so.

We are fully capable and have the strength within to meet the hard stuff head on and to tame it if necessary. It is the fear of the unknown in sync with the weakness within that works hand-in-hand to stop us in our tracks, makes us tremble where we stand as we whisper, I can’t. You and I have had our baptism by fire in one form or another, of this I am sure. The hard thing is just one more obstacle to overcome, nothing more, nothing less. We tend to make it more than what it is. Life is a never-ending circle of challenges in the form of “hard things” to overcome. It is mixed in with the good stuff but it is the hard stuff that brings forth the real you. Your strength, your power and most of all your ability to slay it where it stands takes courage, growth and an attitude of never giving up which will put the “hard stuff” in its place. Who knows if shown the door more often than not, it might decide to stay away. We can hope can’t we?

“I see your fear, and it’s big. I also see your courage, and it’s bigger. We can do hard things.” Glennon Doyle

Have an amazing day.

THE DATE!

I have the candles going, dinner is on the stove, the house is smelling wonderful and I have a nice outfit on for a change. The sweats and baggy tops are taking a break and I am all ready.

Got you didn’t I? How did she get a DATE?! She’s the one who doesn’t give a “whatever” about being on a date and is now prepped and ready?

Nope, I don’t have a date. I was just kidding.

My evening will be like any other evening. It will be quiet, pleasant and relaxing. No wondering if the guy is going to like the meal, the conversation and most of all no anxieties about what is going to follow after dinner. I don’t have those worries anymore (maybe one day soon) and I’m NOT missing them either. Life is nice without the “dating niceties” and being on your best behavior.

What am I really doing this evening? Well, my date just walked in. He is wearing his usual furcoat, has the cutest smile on his face and a waddle of a walk that can capture any woman’s heart. It looks like he just had his bath.

HIM: “Ready?”

ME: “More than ready!”

HIM: “Isn’t this so much nicer than any of those losers who used to show up here? It should always be this way.”

Hmm….that is the little Pharoah talking. He thinks he was some kind of Egyptian God in a previous life and knows more than most about relationships anyway. What about Einstein? He thinks he was him too. Remember they have nine lives! God only knows what the rest are! I’ll find out soon enough if things keep going this way.

Coming back to the topic at hand, we are going to play a game of hide and seek. It is his favorite. He hides and I find him. If I do, he gets 10 kisses on his forehead each time. Either way, he wins every time!

It is going to be a wonderful evening with my best buddy in the whole wide world by my side. No ifs. ands, or buts about it! For those of you not in the know, I am talking about Chachi, the cat, my little love and my 24/7 companion who has a mouth on him but I love him to bits!

Daily writing prompt

What are you doing this evening?

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Stop Caring Too Much

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There are people who just care too much about anything and everything. And then there are people who don’t give a flying flip about what you say about them and these are the people who seem to be leading better lives. The ones who don’t let anything get more than skin-deep and if something does land on them like a pesky insect, they are quick to give it a swipe and off they go none the worse for wear.

“Life is better when you stop caring too much.” Unknown

However, there is another group who takes everything to heart. They just care about what has been said, how it was said and what did it mean?!! These people have cubbyholes, a place they go to where they can sit in silence with their woes and take them apart, piece by piece, one action or comment at a time. These are also the people and I include myself in this group, who have a hard time letting go, who swirl in self-doubt because some mean person didn’t want to see them do better or because more often than not, they are doormats. They let people walk all over them leaving wounds, hurts, and a sense of deep unrest in their wake. The truth is there are people whose only goal in life is to put people down. Why? It’s because they are in a bad place and they want someone or anyone to keep them company. Misery loves company as they say.

Knowing this, how do you learn to stop caring too much?

According to one source, you need to set firm boundaries. You don’t have to please everyone and say “no” to situations that drain you.

Put yourself first. Focus on your own well-being and mental health. Take care of yourself.

Invest in personal growth. Pursue your own passions, activities and goals that bring you enjoyment.

Practice mindfulness. Embrace the present moment and don’t let your feelings control you.

Embrace imperfections. Accept that things will go wrong and people may disappoint you.

Build self-compassion. Treat yourself with kindness as you would a friend.

Lastly, let go of people and situations that don’t contribute to your well-being. If every time something good happens to you and they are there to tear you down, let them go. Negativity brings more negativity. Throw that “doormat” mentality out the door and look for positive strokes that make you feel good, fill you with positive vibes and one that puts a smile on your face instead of a frown. YOU deserve only the best.

Have an amazing day.

Too Nice!

This is one personality trait that stands out like a sore thumb to me. I’ve encountered several people who came across as the nicest people but after awhile I found out that the “niceness” was all a form of play-acting to get what they wanted.

I met a woman who seemed really nice at first glance and continued to be so after a few meetings. We had a friendship thing going. She was in a bad place in her life and needed help. I helped but at one point, it just got to be too much. That was when the real person stepped out and her mask of niceness was gone in an instant. I recall the numerous tweets accusing me of being heartless. Then one day I just blocked her!

I’ve met men who are in the same category. They come across as being overly nice at first meeting. I met this one guy who was a cheater, liar, and a narcissist all rolled into one. I didn’t find out about all his personality traits until much later. There was also a total lack of empathy and compassion and he kept playing the same games over and over again all the time wearing his Mr. Nice Guy mask. Things came to a head when I told him that I was pulling whatever fed his ego from him. The thing is, it didn’t affect him. He was off and running to his next victim! That is what narcissists do.

My mom lost her life to someone who came across as a very nice woman from another land. In the beginning, she was nice and won over my mother’s trust. I think that’s how they work. Once that was established, she went to work. Her goal was to find out as much as she could especially about the monetary stuff. My mom obliged thinking she was dealing with a nice person. Then one day, this woman took her life for some money and jewelry and left my mom to die in her bedroom with her head bashed in and her life seeping away. Horrific but it happened.

Beware of people who are overly nice especially those with their sorry stories. Scammers do this routine well. I’ve lost my wife, I’m raising a child on my own or there is a family emergency and I need money! The romance variety sometimes want money as well but I think they are into scamming you in another way. The ones who cheat and lie are after what they can get through emotional manipulation. They always have their eyes open for the next victim and the one who will comply to their demands! Unfortunately, the internet plays both ways. Information is at your fingertips but on the other hand, people with no good intentions are out there in masses, so tread carefully. Too nice? Ask yourself why before you venture further.

Daily writing prompt

What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

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THE JOURNEY (Archives)

Edmund Hillary once said, “It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” There is much truth in that one statement. In order to conquer the mountain, metaphorically speaking, we have to conquer ourselves first.

More often than not, we place lines and boundaries around ourselves that stop us from moving forward, both knowingly and unknowingly. I have talked about the stories we tell ourselves in another article and it still stands true. The narratives we tell keeps us from achieving goals we set for ourselves. We say, “I can’t,” which is often the first response. What if we changed that narrative to, “I can.” Worth trying?

The thing I need to conquer first and foremost is fear. This four-letter word has kept me from achieving so much in my life. Whatever comes my way is usually DOA because fear steps in and tells me why I am incapable of doing something which might sound rational at the time but it is usually only in my head. The fear factor has kept me safe BUT it has also stopped me from experiencing life at its fullest. I know I need to break out of the well-insulated cocoon I am in and test the waters, or at least to get my feet wet. Not saying you should throw caution to the wind but talking about those small steps to conquer that mountain called life.

“Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.” Judy Blume

Overcoming obstacles is next in line. My first reaction to any obstacle is to cringe and than I tend to shy away from it. Perhaps normal behavior in the grand scheme of things but it would be so much easier if I looked at it, whatever it is, in the eye and made a conscious decision to break it down to what it really is. Most times, it is a wrinkle rather than a mountain that I in my innate human self make it out to be. I am learning but it takes time.

“Obstacles are like wild animals. They are cowards but they will bluff you if they can. If they see you are afraid of them….they are able to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight.” Orison Swett Marden.

Acceptance is hard and most times I go through an almost impossible obstacle course of my own making before I can say, “It’s going to be alright. I have accepted the unchangeable and it is time to move on.” This step never comes easily and it takes time but that again is the intricate ways of life or simply of my own choosing. The important thing is that I am learning to accept and to let go instead of giving up and kow-towing to defeat. I want to get to the top of the mountain with bells ringing and with my sanity intact! I still have a long ways to go but I am making progress.

“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” Michael J. Fox

However, there is no point in setting out on a journey when there are no clear cut goals because running around in circles is a waste of time and having the courage to know and accept what is needed to make that journey is the way to go. Start with yourself. Be strong enough to get rid of what is not needed, set your focus and start moving to the end goal. Light up your soul, eradicate the stumbling blocks of which there are many I am sure, move with purpose and look towards the path in front of you, one small step at a time. This is exactly what I plan to do.

“Aim for the sky, but move slowly, enjoying every step along the way, it is all those little steps that make the journey complete.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Pathological Liars (Archives)

Pathological liars are pros when it comes to lying. It is a way of life for them and these losers are said to have a personality disorder but I think they just enjoy lying and LOVE getting away with it which in turn gives them an adrenaline rush to boot.

Abraham Lincoln said it best:

“No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.”

My ex fits the mode perfectly. He lied so much that he forgot which one was the truth and which one was the lie! It became one and the same to him. He eventually got tired of keeping up with all his lies and decided it was time to threw up his hands and call it quits. Coming back to the topic at hand, there are 6 signs of a pathological liar. Probably more, but we’ll stick to these six for now.

Pathological liars tend to:

Have a lack of empathy.

Focus on basic needs, such as food and money.

Find pleasure and gratification in lying.

Speak in terms of cause-and-effect instead of emotions.

Be cunning and manipulative.

Lie just for the sake of lying. Science=People

How do you cope with a pathological liar?

Don’t expect them to admit to a lie because they will stick to their lies even when it’s obvious that they are not telling the truth.

Don’t take it personally. It is not about you, it is a mental disorder or so they say.

Don’t think just because they look you in the eye, they are telling the truth. Most often they can stand on their heads and try to convince you that they are telling you the truth.

Don’t lose your temper because it’s not about you losing control, it just makes them much better liars. There’s no winning with these guys.

Do trust yourself and your intuition.

Do pay attention to their actions rather than their words because after all actions do speak louder than words.

Do set boundaries as to what you will tolerate and what you won’t in a relationship not that it matters to these individuals. They are well-versed in the art of lying and somehow getting away with a lie does not faze them as it would a normal individual with a conscience. So be prepared for more of the same or walk away.

“It’s not the lie that bothers me. It’s the insult to my intelligence that I find offensive.” Unknown

That’s exactly it. Most pathological liars think that they are experts when it comes to lying so no one is the wiser for it. However, sometimes they come across those of us who can see right through them and that’s when they fall flat on their lying faces and move on to more fertile territory, the women who love being lied to. Unfortunately, there are plenty of those too.

“You know what’s great about compulsive liars? They keep zero promises and then make YOU feel guilty about it when you’re upset.

I need to master this art.” Unknown

Finally, pathological liars are not worth your effort, time and energy. It takes all of this and more to keep them in line not to mention the eventual heartbreak it brings. There are no long-term with these guys just lots of being on the look out all the time. It is definitely NO fun and definitely not how I want to spend the rest of my life and neither do you, so keep your eyes and ears wide open and remember if it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, it is probably a LIE!

“How much happier would life be if a liar’s pants really did catch on fire!” Unknown

AND

“Secrets and lies kill relationships. No matter how careful you are, you will get caught. What’s done in darkness always comes to light.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

My Ideal Week

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Have I ever had an ideal week? The answer is a definite NO! I have good intentions all lined up in a row at the start of a brand new week but I’m still not where I should be as far as letting things roll over like water off a duck’s back so getting an ideal week is still an uphill battle.

Take last week for example. It started out just fine. Then I had the all-important test that turned out negative and that was good news. I should have been happy as a lark but no, life stepped in wearing bells no less. I had a problem in the house that needed to be fixed. That took time and effort. The air was slowly being let out of the balloon. Needless to say, when something happens it doesn’t just stop at one thing. It comes in threes! That has superstition attached to it but since I swallow all those sayings and predictions hook, line and sinker, it wasn’t long before I had another thing looming up and hissing at the fringes!

Ideal it was not. So I would say that my ideal week if it ever happens is one where I have nothing to fix, take care of or having to do circles around the impossible. It is one where life goes smoothly and I can sit back, take a deep breathe and let the world go to pieces!

Daily writing prompt

Describe your ideal week.

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My Book Review

Another Update: I’m not sure how the book is doing! It has several reviews and the rating still stands at 5 stars, however, is it selling? I don’t know. The publicist is on vacation and I’ll have to wait till she gets back to work. In the meantime, I have nightmares about the book! The other night I jumped out of bed because I was going through 21 reviews, yes 21, and all of them were BAD! It was just a nightmare. I need your help in getting more reviews or ratings on there. So, please get a copy and give me a rating or review and again be KIND!

Update: I got my first 5 star global rating yesterday and I thought it was from one person. I googled it and according to Amazon “A 5-star global rating on Amazon signifies a book has received exceptionally positive feedback from many reviewers, indicating near-perfection or outstanding quality.” Who are these reviewers, that’s what I would like to know! Anyway, it is exciting news. Now, I’m addicted. I need MORE! 😊

I found this interesting and it did put a smile on my face. This is what it said:

Reviews for “The Excellent Adventures of Honey and Hubie” are positive, highlighting the book as a magical, imaginative journey that teaches children the importance of friendship and the excitement of the unknown. Reviewers praise T. J. Mueller’s writing for capturing children’s imaginations and delivering a real message through its colorful characters.

T. J. Mueller creates a world that is both enchanting and relatable, making the story appealing to young audiences.

If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, my new children’s book was published on August 28th and even though I don’t see any reviews at any of the bookstores, it is still too soon, I did come across one that made me sit up and take notice. I like the review and it is exactly what I wanted to get across.

Get a copy and give me a review or rating as well but BE KIND.

David Beckham

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I’m not into professional athletes but there is one name that stands out not because I respect him the most but for another reason. The name that jumps into my head or comes to mind is David Beckham.

It only did that because I had done some write-ups on him especially when he did the H & M underwear campaign. YES!! That was something else. The man was ripped in all the right places and he looked, well, let’s just say he looked fantastic in his next to nothings. The campaign was a huge success for H & M since Beckham was one of the most marketable men in the world at that time. The collection focused on quality and comfort and it included briefs, boxers, vests, and pyjamas. Who cares? That’s right, no one cared what he had on, the less the better! I had forgotten just how fascinating the man looked with that inquisitive look plastered on his face. The launch caused a mass hysteria and rightfully so. No one could look this good? Well, he did.

He still looks good and has gone on to advertise more products. He is brand ambassador for Tudor watches, Tempur mattresses, Nespresso coffee machines Pepsi and so on. His diverse advertising and brand ventures have earned him hundreds of millions.

Just goes to show, looks matter in a world that is obsessed with the beautiful people. Add prowess to that and they’ve got it made!

Daily writing prompt

Name the professional athletes you respect the most and why.

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Karma (Archives)

In Sanskrit, karma literally means “action.” In Hinduism, karma is defined as, “the relationship between a person’s mental or physical action and the consequences following that action.” Basically, it is the cause and effect of what a person has done in their current and previous lives. Simply put, what you sow, you reap.

I’ve always had a deep fascination with the concept of karma. I want to believe that if you do wrong or hurt someone knowingly, you will get payback from karma. I wouldn’t have to lift a finger and Karma, my friend, would take care of it lock, stock and barrel and maybe even with two smoking barrels! Nice thought but it rarely happens that way. Sometimes payback takes a long time coming and in our world of instant gratification where we expect everything to happen at the drop of a coin, karma takes its time and does it the old-fashioned way. Which means it could take many years even ten to 20 years or more before payback happens but rest assured when it does come around, you will know.

“A boomerang returns back to the person who throws it.” Vera Nazarian

Is it considered revenge? I think it is more like a higher power keeping tabs on you. It watches, keeps track and when the time is right, the anchor falls and you get payback. Makes sense I think. Afterall, someone has to keep tabs, otherwise, wrongdoing would be the name of the game and everyone walks off scot-free with a smile plastered on their faces only to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. It’s a good thing that karma is there.

Karma Says

“Mouths can lie, eyes cannot. People may forget, karma will not.” Unknown

However, karma is not just about the bad stuff.

“Good or bad, what you put out comes back to you.” Unknown

I know of one situation where a man cheated on his wife. It was a terrible thing to do and instead of being sorry, he married the woman he had the affair with. It looked like all was well and life was going swell for the two of them. Twenty years down the road, the new wife found someone else and rode off into the sunset with her new love leaving her husband devastated. A karmic consequence?

Benjamin Bayani says, “Karma bides its time. You will always have to watch out. Karma is unforgiving and always gets payback.”

All just hocus pocus? I don’t know folks but I tend to be superstitious as well so it sounds perfectly legit to me. I like the idea of good vs. bad and payback in some form or fashion.

By the way, karma

“I have a list of people that you missed!” Unknown

Have an amazing day.