It has been almost two weeks since I set foot in my sacred space. My daily walks in nature had come to a screeching halt. The rains along with the gusty winds had moved in and walking was the last thing on my mind.
However, I had missed my forays in nature and today that want was back in full force. I needed the freedom of being out in nature. This feeling of being caged in had to go so I found myself back on the familiar pathway again. It somehow felt different. The rapeseed plants were still there and they had grown a lot taller blocking visibility in every direction. The golden blooms were no longer there and now the plants stood swaying and dancing with the wind. I could feel claustrophobia taking hold. I wasn’t liking this one little bit.
The farmers around here are well-regimented and they’ve got crop-rotation down to a science but for some reason, they’ve let the plant life get out of control this time around. Could it be the rain? Whatever it was, I kept to the graveled pathway and decided to cut my walk short, unrest seeping in. I like open spaces but today I felt fenced in. I don’t know why and that bugged me to no end.
Making my way back I notice that the sun is slowly making a showing but the winds are still in full force. It’s as if nature can’t make up its mind but I know that this too shall pass and summer will come traipsing back in. I just hope that the farmers will get back to work making the fields visible so that my soul can fly again.
The definition of “a leopard never changes its spots” is this. “It signifies that people cannot fundamentally alter their character, even if they try. It also implies that innate traits, whether good or bad, remain fixed.”
Have you met one or two along the way? Did you choose to tango with them and in so doing lose a part of yourself? You’re not the only one. They’re out there and like the predator that they are, they’ll feed on you if you let them.
They are the liars, the cheaters and the ones who march to a different drumbeat. Not one of integrity, honesty or decency like people with good behavior traits do, rather they’ve learned they can prey on someone and when they’ve had their fill they’ll move on to the next victim with no consequences whatsoever.
“A leopard never changes his spots….he just changes what tree he sleeps in….or who he sleeps with.” Unknown
Are you hanging on to someone who doesn’t deserve your loyalty? Has he shown you his “spots” but you refuse to see them? Are you hoping that in time he’ll change? Or are you praying that you’ll be the one to change him?
STEP BACK!
Those behavior traits are ingrained in them. Perhaps, they can’t change who they are but you can change how you deal with them.
KNOW THIS:
“No matter how much a snake sheds skin. It’s still a snake.” Unknown
And that applies to the leopard as well. They’ll change their tactics, they’ll change their hunting style, they’ll whisper sweet nothings in your ear, they’ll look you in the eye and make you believe that they’re the next best thing to sliced bread. You can do one better. Walk away before it’s too late and you become another prey in their animal kingdom!
“Something I learned about people…..if they do it once, they’ll do it again.” Unknown
AND
“Rain wets the leopard’s skin but does not wash out the spots.” African Proverb
It’s just a matter of time before those spots reappear and the leopard is ready to pounce again!
I didn’t think it was the one item I couldn’t live without but earlier this year it stopped working and I realized how dependent I was on it. I would call it a luxury and it is my car and it takes me from point A to B to C and D!
I don’t ride bicycles like a lot of people around here do. Neither do I take the bus or the train so I am dependent on taxis and or my car. When I need to go into town which is about 15 minutes away from where I live, my car gets me there in record time. I don’t think about it, just get in, get it started and I am on my way. I keep it well-serviced and when there is a problem, I get it fixed.
It is a comfortable ride and I have the air-conditioning going in summer. Most people around here don’t do that because it is all tied in with their perception of what they call environmental issues so riding with someone is not a pleasant experience in summer!
I love my car and it is the one luxury item I can’t live without. Okay, there are others but as with all things I picked the one that I depend on. The others are just icing on the cake!
Most of us cringe at the thought of doing the hard things. Be it a break-up, walking away, losing a job or letting go of things that no longer serve us, it is an exceptionally hard thing to do. It is not something we look forward to because it means taking the bull by the horns and waging war on what seems to be an impossible task at first. Given time, patience, perseverance and a hard-headed look at what needs to be done to get to the other side, we find it is doable but not easy.
Easy is not what life is about. If anything, easy is not in its vocabulary. It seems at times that “living” is about going through the hard stuff. Sometimes one and sometimes a string of unsolvable and often times impossible situations but you and I know that it is those hard times and how you deal with it that brings out the strength in us. Sure, it would be easier if we didn’t have to deal with them but when has that stopped life from throwing the hard stuff our way?
Where would we be without them? Probably having a great time without having to walk through the minefield of the hard stuff all equipped and designed to bring you down to your knees if you make a false move. There is no right or wrong way of going about it, it is trial and error and an undying resilience to take what is handed to you and to make it work for you. We’ve all made those false moves where we’ve crashed and burned and just when you think there is nothing left to do except to pick up the pieces and make the most of it, there is light at the end of the dark tunnel. There is that open door that beckons because as you know when one door closes another one opens but it is human nature or at least it is mine to look past it and back at the one that has closed and is no longer available.
“Hard things are hard because there are no easy answers or recipes. They are hard because your emotions are at odds with your logic. They are hard because you don’t know the answer and you cannot ask for help without showing weakness.” Ben Horowitz
The hard stuff has kept me captive for longer than I want to admit. Truth is, I don’t do “HARD” well. Holding on is my nemesis, letting go of things that no longer serve me is harder still and moving on, well that is an impossible task at times. I hold on hoping that changes will come my way but it never does. Things happen for a reason, people are the way they are because they are wired that way and looking and hoping is not going to change things. However, whatever life throws your way, there is a lesson in there somewhere but it is hard to see when it first hits you. I think we fail miserably at times because we walk in circles, bang our heads on that closed door and refuse to move on until we are drained of energy and there is nothing else to do but to walk through that open door. Human nature at its best? I think so.
We are fully capable and have the strength within to meet the hard stuff head on and to tame it if necessary. It is the fear of the unknown in sync with the weakness within that works hand-in-hand to stop us in our tracks, makes us tremble where we stand as we whisper, I CAN’T. You and I have had our baptism by fire in one form or another, of this I am sure. The hard thing is just one more obstacle to overcome, nothing more, nothing less. We tend to make it more than what it is. Life is a never-ending circle of challenges in the form of “hard things” to overcome. It is mixed in with the good stuff but it is the hard stuff that brings forth the real you. Your strength, your power and most of all your ability to slay it where it stands takes courage, growth and an attitude of never giving up which will put the “hard stuff” in its place. Who knows if shown the door more often than not, it might decide to stay away. We can hope can’t we?
“I see your fear, and it’s big. I also see your courage, and it’s bigger. We can do hard things.” Glennon Doyle
Oh I don’t know. “Embrace the Journey,” might be one since I’m on a journey of self-discovery. However, this one might be better. “Fear Less, Live More.”
I used to be fearless in my younger days but somewhere along the way fear took hold and never let go. The stalking incident that I talked about in another post and losing my mother to murder put a different spin on things. Suddenly, I was afraid and I started to find fear in the ordinary. I would look around the underground carpark like there was a monster hiding in every corner. Allowing strangers in the house became an unbearable thing. It took time but I am better now but the fear remains.
I know deep down inside that fear stops me from living my life fully. It keeps me safe but at a cost. So I would say that I need to work on my fear issues in order to live freely and to my fullest potential. Make sense? It makes sense to me and that is what matters.
“The soul usually knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.” Unknown
I came prepared. Meditation done, breathing exercises done, a hot cup of something soothing downed, had my shower, did my nightly beauty routine and with my favorite PJs on, I was ready for sleep when the phone rang. The voice on the other side said, “Don’t tell me you’re ready for bed already! It’s not even 9 o’clock!”
I yawned and he went, “Oh, you’re sleepy! Sleep well and we’ll talk tomorrow.”
I hung up to see Chachi, the cat, on his divan looking at me. He hates it when the phone rings. “WHO was that on the phone mommy?!!”
Turning off the lights, I prepared for a goodnight’s rest. My eyelids were heavy and I was ready. Expecting to be asleep in a matter of minutes, I waited for my mind to switch off. I waited and waited……then the tossing and turning began and the gale force strength winds outside didn’t help matters much either. Suddenly, thoughts, unwanted thoughts started appearing. They were rigged to go and I entertained each and every one of them as they appeared!
It was 2 a.m. and I was in the grips of insomnia land! Gritting my teeth, I turned on the TV but it was a big mistake. It was more fodder for an already overactive mind! I turned to my last resort. His eyes lit up as he saw me approaching. I picked him up and he curled instinctively as he cuddled closer, a soft purring filling the room. I felt myself relaxing and those unwanted thoughts flew out the window and to wherever they had came from. I was at peace again.
It was a short night but instead of my usual 8 hours, I got a couple of good hours of uninterrupted sleep with Chachi by my side. Morning came early and today will be a long one. I’m hoping that sleep will come without being coaxed into staying tonight. I can only hope.
The little guy in the fur coat is a “sleep inducer” amongst other things!
We sat across from each other, his gaze direct but hooded and mine trying not to look at the face I knew so well. He looked older, a touch of grey showing at his temples and there is a beard now where there was none before. He is still tall and lanky but a slight pouch is clearly visible. There was a certain sadness emanating from him but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
We talked about the one thing that still binds us. He says, “I’m so proud of him. He’s learning to handle things on his own.” I nod, silence filling the air. Something inside me wanted to scream, “You weren’t there half the time! I was left holding the bag when you took off in search of greener pastures.” Instead, I keep my gaze averted and try desperately to hold on to the strength within. The one I’ve been building brick by brick since he left and I wasn’t about to let his words bring it all down crushing into nothingness. He has that effect on me. Why wouldn’t he? I had been married to him and our life together had lasted 16 years. We had started out as best friends and later when love stepped in, it led to marriage and parenthood. Somewhere along the way, he decided to let it all disintegrate and go up in flames when his EGO decided to step in and he let “arrogance” do the rest.
Staring at me, he asked, “How are you doing?” his voice tinged with concern. And then he said, “I’m not a bad guy.” I felt the tears cloud my eyes but I scrambled to keep my calm facade in place like my life depended on it! I said softly, “I’m fine.” He nodded.
He didn’t know that I had called myself, “damaged goods” when it went down. He didn’t know that I had called myself a bird with clipped wings and that I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror for a long time and neither did he know that the unbearable pain had made me put my heart under lock and key and to throw away the keys! So “I’m fine” doesn’t even begin to address all that I went through.
We continued as two strangers making empty conversation. Once we had talked about everything. Our talks had been filled with warmth, love and laughter but that was a long time ago when “love” meant something and “hurt” was a long ways off.
He uncrossed his long legs looking uncomfortable. We had stopped giving each other the meaningless hugs each time we met. Then he had stopped saying, “I still care about you.” I couldn’t bear hearing it anymore. So it was better this way.
Today, it was all about the boy we had brought into this world. Recently, he has been showing more interest in being a good father and I am thankful. Suddenly, he stood up and stretched as if the stilted conversation between us had drained him. I said, “Take care of him.” He answered softly, “I will.”
I walked him to the door and stepping outside, the fresh air felt good. He turned and looked at me again, his eyes speaking volumes. Something within me wanted to jump over the fence I had placed around myself and to say, “Take care of yourself.” I felt this prickling of sympathy for someone who had lost his way and I wanted him to know, “It was going to be alright.” I couldn’t. Smiling a weak smile, I closed the door behind me.
This thing called love is something I will never understand for as long as I live. I know it has the tendency to turn your world upside down and to take you on a roller coaster ride but “ordinary” it is not. Sometimes it walks in silently and has you in its grip and at other times it dies a sudden death and you don’t know why. They say love makes the world go around, it does, but it is also a conundrum and sometimes it is better left alone but when has that stopped us from approaching it throwing caution to the winds. Some loves are forever, some loves are too hard to bear, some loves break your heart in pieces and some “loves” are better left alone.
“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” John Lubbock
I had to give this question much thought. Several things came to mind like money, love, safety and others but since I’ve been on this journey of self-discovery, I find that “peace” is at the top of my list. Not that the other things don’t matter, they do but peace is what I’m seeking and it equates to a good life, one that is well-lived.
Nature is my safe zone. Being out there in the fields has taught me many lessons and one of them is that life takes care of itself. Just like the seasons, each one has a time and place and it happens like clockwork and with very little help from the human hand. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that everything happens with no human help, I’m saying that the majority of the work is done by unseen hands.
The quiet space. It has become a daily ritual to search for that quiet space. A space where I can go within and to let my mind and the incessant chattering take a breather and then something else walks in. It is wisdom that I find in those quiet times. I spend a lot of time meditating and it has worked magic in my life. I am more in control of whatever comes my way and fully capable of dealing with whatever needs to be dealt with. So the quiet space is a must in my daily existence.
Workouts – these are an absolute must. I workout seven days a week and when I do take a day off, I feel guilty! I find that giving your body the attention it needs is a must to living a good life.
“Your body will be around a lot longer than that expensive handbag. Invest in yourself.” Unknown
I’ve mentioned some of the things I need to live a good life. Of course, there are many more but not as important as the ones I’ve mentioned.
Daily writing prompt
What are the most important things needed to live a good life?
Photo by Arthur FlyingPenguin Guillemot on Pexels.com
“There is one grand lie – that we are limited. The only limits we have are the limits we believe.” Wayne Dyer
Do you feel smaller than you are or have you made yourself to feel that way? Did one careless word, a disdainful look or one mean retort shrink you down to size? Did you believe those lies willingly? Often, we take those lies thrown in our direction and run with them and we come up with more lies. I am not worthy, I am not enough, I am not equipped to deal with whatever life throws my way and I just can’t! That last one is my mantra. I CAN’T!
YOU ARE LIMITLESS
“The most powerful words in the universe are the words you say to yourself.” Unknown
Be careful of what you say to yourself. Limiting beliefs are just that, they stop you from achieving or moving towards the goals you want to achieve. Words and phrases like, I’m not beautiful, I’m not good enough, I’m not intelligent enough and I’m not worthy enough but perhaps the most damaging is, “I don’t deserve it.” Limiting words stop us in our treks and they stop us from achieving our goals. Be careful of what you tell yourself because YOU ARE LISTENING! Let’s change the narrative and put a positive spin on things.
SAY:
I AM LIMITLESS AND I BELIEVE I AM!
“Your potential is limitless. You are unique, valuable, capable and worthy of the dreams in your heart. Most of all, you have what it takes to transform and transcend whatever challenges you face.” Marie Forleo
YOU, my friend, are limitless. There is a vast limitless potential within you. You have everything within you to soar as high as you want. You have the ability to climb the highest mountain and to make it to the very top. In order to get there, you have to change what you tell yourself because you are made of stronger stuff. YOU can fly if you want to. Change your mindset, do the work and the rest will fall in place.
That’s who I spend most of my time with. He’s there from the moment I wake up and to the time I go to bed at night. You can say his world revolves around me and mine revolves around him!
He watches me with his green eyes and they don’t waver when he has his attention on me. Sometimes I wonder what is going on in his little head but that’s for him to know and for me to find out. It is love of a different kind and it is akin to that of parent and child. He is my baby in a fur coat and one from another mother. However, all of that doesn’t change how I feel about this little guy. I call him my buddy, my shadow, and my little love. He makes me smile, he makes me laugh and he makes me feel special.
Now, I just need to find a guy who makes me feel that way and my world would be complete! Alas, that is still a big ask and one I am waiting on to see how it all unfolds.
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