December 2024 – Page 2

The Questions

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Why do we keep repeating the same mistakes when it comes to relationships? Why do we gravitate to the same types of people?

These are the questions I ask myself over and over again. It seems that I am drawn to the same types I left behind. It’s been a never-ending cycle and it seems like Groundhog’s Day over and over again to the point that it is horrific and mind-boggling to say the least.

Liars, cheaters and emotionally-unavailable men seem to draw me in like they’re magnetized and I have no willpower when it comes to these types. I walk in gladly like a lamb to the slaughter.

There is a reason so say the experts. They say “opposites attract” and “we are drawn to people who are strong in areas we are weak.” Hmm….there is more to this concept according to them. Two people who have an abusive past will be attracted to each other because they are viewed as equals. However, an abuser is not necessarily attracted to another abuser. He’s attracted to an “abusee” – or someone who will tolerate and enable his abuse. So to make it short and to the point, the “abusee” is familiar with abuse, be it physical, sexual or emotional abuse and so she is attracted to someone who gives her what she’s already comfortable with it.”

Lord have mercy!

Is there no way out of this pattern? There is but first you need to know that:

“Simplicity and Complexity need each other.” Unknown

However, there is a way out but not an easy one. You have to work at it with a narrow-minded focus.

Here goes. If you want to attract better, you must be better meaning you need to discard what is within you, the cause for your need to be abused. Find out where it stems from. Your childhood? Adulthood? The experts say look for patterns and don’t sweep what you find under the rug. The only way to learn from it, get past it, is to go through it. Otherwise, you’re doomed to repeat and attract the same types only in a different body!

This is exactly what I’m trying to avoid. As I have said in one of my other article, I am like a heat-seeking missile when it comes to the types I mentioned above. I find them!

Here are some tips from beyourownbrandofsexy.com on how to attract quality or high-value men. First, know yourself well and know what you need in a relationship and what matters to you.

Identify your Needs

Know what works and won’t work for you. Be selective and be ready to discard if something shows up as a red flag. “Loving the wrong person teaches you the red flags to watch out for the next time around.”

Don’t Settle

This is important. We tend to settle when we know that the person is the wrong type only because we tell ourselves that he will change or I can make him change. They don’t change, what they show you is what you get. So how do you stop attracting narcissists and the wrong men? DO NOT let them get close to you. Know what your non-negotiable dealbreakers are and stick to them.

Be your Own Person

This means be your own true authentic self. Say “no” to bad matches. Become your true, authentic self which helps you to gravitate to people who are better matches for you.

Be Persistent

If you want to end up in a solid relationship, persistence pays. This doesn’t mean being persistent in chasing the wrong types but staying true and waiting for the right one to show up. Dating is a learning experience and unfortunately, you’ll have rejections, bad dates and disappointments AND you’ll have to kiss some frogs but if you keep at it and know what you want, you might just land the man of your dreams.

While you’re working on that, take care of yourself as well. No point letting yourself go because that is not going to do it. Lose some weight if you have to, get fit both mentally and physically, take care of your skin and teeth because one guy did ask me to show him my teeth on our first date! They’re out there. Just know that physical appearance matters so present the best version of yourself.

Now, I have to go figure out the patterns in my life which make me attract the same types over and over again. That’s the cycle I need to break! I definitely want to break this cycle of attracting low-value men and having to kiss frogs and hoping that they’ll turn into Prince Charming. Time to get working to put my best self forward armed with the knowledge of exactly what I’ll settle for.

I swear if this doesn’t work I’m giving up altogether!

Have an amazing day.

My Perfect Space for Reading and Writing.

This one is easy because I already have it. It’s a room I call my office space, not too big and not too small. Just cozy and perfectly furnished but with lots of clutter because “clutter” somehow gets my creative juices flowing.

It has one big window and if I look up while I’m writing, I see the fields in the distance and today they are shrouded in fog. Sort of spooky looking but enough to get some ideas going. Just in front of the window is a big Japanese Cherry Blossom tree which is gorgeous in spring when in full bloom. Right now, it looks bare with little droplets of water clinging to its branches. Still a pretty sight.

This is my perfect space and if I add Chachi, the cat, sitting on the window ledge than this space becomes more than perfect.

Daily writing prompt

You get to build your perfect space for reading and writing. What’s it like?

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On the Way

A Series on Getting Back on Track

Alice asked the Cheshire Cat, who was sitting in a tree. ”What road do I take?” The cat asked, “Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know,” Alice answered.

“Then,” said the cat, “it really doesn’t matter, does it?”

“So long as I get SOMEWHERE,” Alice added.

“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”

I had taken the all important step a few days ago. Standing on that cliff top I jumped hoping to fly because the voice in my head kept saying, “Don’t be afraid of falling, you can’t stay, you need to go. You can’t be where you are and anywhere is better than where you’re at now.” I was staring at a brick wall that refused to give way no matter how hard I pushed. But then again, there is nothing to be had from drinking from an empty cup. The survival mode kicked in and I knew (I) not someone else, had to take the reins of my own life and do something, anything. I needed to GO!

Go within yourself, I heard it scream. It is within myself that I have found the strength in times past. When the murder of my mum took place, I screamed, “I can’t! I am filled with rage and anger. I want to kill!” No, the miraculous recovery and the coming to terms did not take place overnight. Yes, I wore sackcloth and ashes for a long time and my feet stopped moving. My life had come to a standstill. A year later I was still shaking my fist at the wind until a tiny voice brought me back to earth. It was the voice of my six or maybe five year old at the time, I am bad with time, who said, “Grandma is in heaven mommy.” I had forgotten about him in my day to day existence of wanting revenge and vengeance. I knew, I knew that I was holding on to something or someone I couldn’t bring back. My mom was gone, her time on earth was short for whatever the reason. I was still hanging on and I needed to let GO! Leaving the sadness, anger, heartache and fear behind was hard, very very hard but the choices were simple or so it seemed. GO or STAY and fight a losing battle. So I started moving. A short while later, I took the leap off that cliff. Did I fly? No, it took small steps, very small steps but eventually I did make it out of my misery. The day I said, RIP mom was when I realized I had arrived. I felt my wings take flight again.

Divorce came next. It started with his infidelity but perhaps it started long before that. Tragedy has a tendency to destroy if you let it and I did. I was so busy caught up in wanting revenge for my mom’s murder that I stopped living. Nothing existed but that tiny world of being consumed with hate towards someone I didn’t know, hadn’t seen but who had turned into a giant because I had given her that power. Instead of relegating her to where she belonged because she had taken a life, I gave her power over my life just as when she stood over my mother and took hers. I had hit rock bottom. It hurt and it hit hard. This time around it took longer. As usual, blame steps in wearing bells and wanting to pin the blame tag on someone. The truth of the matter is perhaps both parties were to blame. That said, I am not saying that infidelity is alright. Absolutely not! When one cheats or makes the choice to cheat, it is either temptation has taken over or they don’t care about the consequences and you as the significant other do not matter anymore. Whatever the case maybe, I was back on the cliff top, and I knew I had to jump and GO! If I stayed, I would be crawling for the rest of my life because my wings had been clipped again. I took off but unfortunately I landed with a thud! Those wings needed time to grow back and I had to do the work. It seemed so unfair. Again there was no miraculous recovery. I went deep within myself and I did some drastic rebuilding. My self-esteem, my confidence and my belief system had all taken a beating and that is putting it mildly. No more crying 24/7, no more letting go of myself and my looks had suffered too. Small steps I told myself, some days I didn’t see the progress but I kept on until one day I realized that my wings were sprouting again.

That was a few years back. As humans we tend to make the same mistakes over and over again. So here I am back to square one again. Like Alice, I don’t know where I want to go just so long as I get myself away from here. But as the cat said, you just have to keep walking to get to that SOMEWHERE. Is that what I want? Just somewhere? Perhaps I’ve been doing it all wrong. I don’t want to end up just somewhere because I would be back here again at some later point in time. I want a destination. This time around just an overhaul isn’t going to do it. I need to change my mindset. I needed to keep going for as long as it takes but I need to put in the work along the way as well. I know I will have setbacks and fear, my biggest enemy, will make me stumble but if I keep going, one step at a time I might just get to where I need to be. ”It is going to be a long journey so be prepared” says that little voice. ”You’ll want to run back to where you began” but that ship has sailed and scaling back up the cliff is a no go so I have to keep going on the path I’ve chosen.

How long will it take? I don’t know and that is the scary part. I also know deep within that when I arrive I’ll be ready to fly again.

“Take a leap of faith. You will either land somewhere new or learn to fly.” Kandyse McClure

Update: I started this blog a year ago and I’ve been on this journey of self-recovery ever since. I’ve made progress but there is still a long ways to go. Some days I take 10 steps back and with others I see progress. It is slow going but nothing comes easy and I understand that I need to keep moving and to keep working on myself to get to the other side of here, wherever that is, but I know deep within that there is a “better” out there and I will get there someday just so long as I keep moving, one step at a time.

Have an amazing day.

My All Time Favorite Automobile?

I’ve always wondered about this. I think men and women think differently about cars. Women, at least I do, think that’s it not that important to have fast expensive cars. If it is dependable and works fine, I am happy. However, men or at least the ones I have known love fast expensive cars. It might just be a “men thing.”

Or it might be a show-off thing. Maybe it adds to their manliness but either way, I find it puzzling.

Daily writing prompt

What is your all time favorite automobile?

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Trumpenitus

A light-hearted look at the Trump Presidency.

I wrote this way back when Trump was running and took office as the 45th President. Some of the things I said then still stands but only this time his second tenure as the president of the United States is set to begin on January 20, 2025 when he will be inaugurated in as the 47th president. Lord help us all!

This is what I said then:

To tell you the truth, I’ve got a love-hate relationship with the 45th President, Donald J. Trump. I guess I’ve got more then that going, I’ve developed a symptom I would like to call Trumpenitus. Read on to find out what it is.

I liked him well-enough at the beginning of his run for the White House. He was funny and a breath of fresh air compared to the other stiff-necked candidates. I could see that it wasn’t going to be politics as usual with him. There was something in the air, some may call it a bunch of “bull” but that slogan, “Make America Great Again,” had me singing his praises and it caught on like wild-fire with his supporters leaving the one other significant candidate, Hillary Clinton, free-falling and into nothingness.

Against all odds, he went on to win the Presidency leaving Democrats in the dust asking, “What happened here?” The 45th President was voted in and inaugurated with pomp and circumstance and I was still on the Trump bandwagon waving my flag and standing tall and with a big smile on my face. I told a friend, “I think he’ll be good for the country. Perhaps he’ll turn things around and “Make America Great Again.” My friend an ardent but sour grapes Democrat was crushed and replied, “You must be out of your mind.” Looking back I must have been or I simply had Trumpenitus, a gushing in my ear of all things Trump. Yes, I was full of it or of something or rather.

It’s been a roller-coaster ride and only a little more than a 100 days into his Presidency when the alarm bells starting ringing. First, it was the banning of Muslims from certain countries. Let’s just say that was obvious since he had been hinting about it throughout his campaign. It was nothing new but to actually put a ban into effect took gumption and a narrow-eyed focus. My first reaction was, “How’s this going to work?” I didn’t think it was fair and with the rise of hate crimes against Muslims in the country, I knew that it would only escalate the situation and cause more problems. I told myself to take the wait and see approach. Perhaps, he had a plan and maybe the ringing in my ears and head might come to a screeching halt. I could only pray but I was still hanging onto that bandwagon, the Trump wagon that is.

No chance, it took off again when he okayed the strike against Syria with very little media hoopla. Gone were the days of putting every move and strategic advantage out there so that the media could dissect every little detail and when the administration finally made a move, the enemy had packed up their assets and left town. This was refreshing indeed, finally a Commander-in-Chief who was willing to show the world, “Who’s the boss?” Good, the love-shine hadn’t worn off yet.

Oh wait, I spoke too soon. Now, the tweets were coming in fast and furious and the digs at the media was causing more than a flurry. They, the media, was waging war on the President except of course for Fox News. They were his darlings (talking about the moderators on Fox News) and could do no wrong as far as he was concerned. Suddenly, North Korea was looming high and mighty and hissing at the fringes. Tough talk from the President didn’t do much to soothe the situation or calm the chubby dictator and get him off his stool of arrogance. Ok, here we go, I thought. He’s going to get us in a war. Trigger-happy? Perhaps.

Trumpenitus was in full swing by now. Tax cuts, picking fights like a school yard bully, border wall disputes, deportation of illegal immigrants, repeal and replace Obamacare and repeal Michelle Obama’s healthy school lunch plans. Did I miss anything? Probably but who cares. Just when I thought I had a grasp on one idea, he was off and running to another. Oh Lord, I need something for the ringing….. He’s making my ears ring and my head spin at the same time! What happens when you take on too much in a minimum amount of time? Your guess is as good as mine.

In a nutshell, the 45th President, Donald J. Trump wants to do good for the country but I wonder if he’s on a fast-track to disaster because of the speed-cycle he’s chosen? His chart-busting moves is making me sick. I need a doctor fast!

Have an amazing day and Merry Christmas everyone.

How are you creative?

I paint pictures with words rather than with a paintbrush. My imagination knows no bounds and even though it is a problem at times, it helps with my writing. I am able to take a thought, expand it and come up with a story and it helps to calm the “beast” which is my mind. I used to call it the “monkey” because it jumps and chatters all the time but I am learning to control my thoughts and that is a good thing.

I create with my mind and have done well so far. Let’s see what the new year brings. Hoping for much better and on a bigger scale!

Daily writing prompt

How are you creative?

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Magdeburg, Germany

I shouldn’t touch this one with a ten-foot pole but when has that stopped me?

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” Martin Luther King

A man drove into a crowd at a Christmas market on Friday evening killing at least five people including a 9-year-old child and injuring over 200 others. It was a horrific incident.

The driver in question is a 50-year-old Saudi national living and working as a doctor for nearly 20 years in Germany. He is a specialist in psychiatry and psychotherapy. The man also has Islamophobic views and so doesn’t fit your normal profile of a terrorist. No motive has been established yet.

Yet, that hasn’t stopped Germany’s far-right from mobilizing and screaming, “Wake Up Germany!” This was a slogan used by Nazi Germany under Adolf Hitler and its usage is a punishable offense in Germany.

Talib A, the perpetrator and driver of the car caused a tragedy of massive proportions but let’s not tar and feather all immigrants as, ‘terrorists,’ ‘criminals,’ and ‘low lifes.’

Let’s take a hard look at Germany’s extreme right. The irony is not lost here. The same groups who promote violence, terror and hate are the same ones marching against violence because in this instance it was caused by a foreign naitonal. The mantra of these groups is “HATE” and “VIOLENCE” is their hand-grenade.

Racist attacks have increased against migrants in the wake of the deadly Christmas market attack in Magdeburg to the point that it has become a hostile and threatening environment for migrants living there. There has been a significant rise in attacks against foreigners who are seen as “looking different” according to these individuals and they have a target placed on their backs. You may think that this is a recent event because of the deadly incident but it has been ongoing. They (the extremists) look for any excuse to promote violence against foreigners. The extreme-right and neo-Nazi parties are demanding the mass deportation of migrants from the country. Sounds familiar America? The cry is, “Deport! Deport! Deport!”

Here’s the question. Where do you send these “hate mongers?” These perpetrators of hate, violence and even death in some cases. Their brand of violence will never stop because they are blinded by hate and that’s the kind you should worry about. Remember, Adolf Hitler, the most hated man on the planet and the hate and destruction he unleased which in turn killed around six million Jewish people? It was mass murder on an unprecedented scale. Let’s not go down that road again.

It’s time to look at violence and terror from a broad scale. Let’s LOOK at everyone who causes ‘terror’ and not just at the Islamic world. Terror is terror, it doesn’t matter who causes it but it needs to be stopped otherwise we’ll have more innocent lives lost. Working on that solution should be the main focus. PERIOD!

Have an amazing day.

The Biggest Influences…

Who are the biggest influences in my life?

There were many so I can’t mention them all here. One person I would like to give credit to would be my mother. She taught me the biggest lesson which has stood the test of time. I remember as a little girl I would come running to her about something that made me cry or sad and she would say, “Remember whatever you do and whatever happens, always stand back up. Take your time, but dust off and get back on that horse.” I have been doing that all my life and it has helped me through the years.

Others who influenced me are the writers. One person in particular was Nora Roberts. I loved and love her writing. The romance novelist was one of my all- time favorite person. There were many nights where I lay cuddled in bed with one of her books helping me to escape whatever it is that I wanted to escape and to keep my head somewhere in the clouds. I think in a way she helped me fashion my writing. Thank you both.

Daily writing prompt

Who are the biggest influences in your life?

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Lonely at Christmas?

Here’s the thing, you may think that you’re the only person on earth who is alone for Christmas but did you know that there are thousands of people who spend Christmas alone? Christmas is a beautiful time of the year but for some who are alone, it can be downright excruciating. It can get depressing and you can dive into the doldrums of despair but there is something YOU can do about it.

Change Your Mindset

Yes, it’s all about that mindset. Instead of cowering in your bedroom and mourning about how sad you are, change it to my glass is half-full instead.

Let’s see. You have a roof over your head don’t you? You have food, warm clothes and you are safe while there are others out there who don’t have half of what you have. I’m sure they’ll gladly change places with you. Be thankful for what you have.

Get something good to eat. Enjoy spending time alone and be thankful you don’t have to deal with the stress. What stress? The stress of spending time with people you don’t like, the noise, the constant chatter and sounds of good cheer. It can get nerve-wrecking. Be thankful for the silence because if used wisely it can be your best friend.

Stay in your jammies all day! Check out a movie you’ve wanted to watch but never got around to it. Spend quality time with your pets or listen to your favorite music.

Turn your attention to your book collection. What about that book you’ve been wanting to read but never got around to it? Well, here’s the time to do just that.

Try deep breathing. It definitely helps me and sometimes I need to take a nap because nothing destresses like breathing for all you’re worth! Do a workout and work on getting yourself fit and buff. While all the others are “pigging out” you are on your way to looking pretty good!

Watch something funny on TV. It will help to boost that somber mood and make you feel much better. I tried it last night and watched Max Amini, a stand-up comedian and he was hilarious. It definitely helped to boost my mood because laughter releases those happy hormones. They are serotonin, dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin which help to reduce depression and anxiety as well. These feel-good hormones do much to get you out of the rut you’re in. It worked for me.

SMILE! Wear a perpetual smile on your face even if you don’t feel like it. Know that YOU are not the only one in this situation, there are thousands out there spending Christmas alone. Make the best of it and you’ll be just fine.

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” Andy Borowitz

Ain’t that the truth?!!

Have a good one and wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, know this: YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Guardian Angels

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A Guardian Angel is defined as a spirit that is thought to watch over and protect a person or place.”

“For every fear that shakes your peace,

For every night you feel alone,

For every moment you lose a little hope,

There is an angel who whispers

I AM HERE.” Unknown

Do you believe angels exist? I do. I have encountered several in my life but I know that for some of you non-believers it is just a bunch of hoopla but to that I say, you do you and I’ll do me.

My first encounter happened when I got my driver’s license. Needless to say I was over the moon and decided to take the car out on the Interstate. I didn’t really have much experience driving on a four-lane highway but I had my driver’s license and what could go wrong right? Plenty.

It was busy on that day as I pulled out onto the slow lane but having navigated that successfully, I decided to change lanes. Finally, I decided to change lanes again so I signaled, noticed the trucker was quite a distance away and pulled in. Just as quickly I glanced at my side-view mirror and to my horror, there he was right next to me! I jammed on the accelerator and shot in but then I heard a loud bang and then the back of the car was swerving back and forth violently. I held onto the steering wheel as tightly as I could which probably saved my life that day, that and the guardian angels looking out for me. My confidence was shaken but I escaped with no injuries.

A few days later, I walked into a grocery store. I was still feeling shaken from my ordeal and couldn’t trust myself to get back into a car again. Walking through the aisles, I came face to face with a man I had never seen before. He smiled gently and said, “You’ll be just fine. You have nothing to worry about.” What?!! Immediately I felt a sense of peace envelop me and as I turned around to get another glimpse of the mysterious stranger, he was gone but that memory has lived on through the years and I still wonder who he was. An angel sent to reassure me? It worked.

Later, I rescued an abandoned kitten in the middle of winter. There was an instant connection right from the start. I had just broken up with someone and as usual I was having a tough time letting go. Twitty walked in at the right moment. He was the ray of sunshine I needed and together we were an unbeatable team. He helped mend that broken heart and the smile was back on my face. Then I met my ex and Twitty had to take a backseat. I don’t think he understood but he took it in stride. Later when I got pregnant, he would lay his head on my growing stomach and purr to the high heavens. When my life took off and I was caught in my day-to-day existence of being a wife and mother, Twitty took that like a champ as well. He passed away several years later and it was one of the hardest things I had to deal with but looking back, I think it was his time to go because I was “flying” and I had no need for him anymore. Guardian angels never stay for long, only as long as they are needed and only until their job on earth is done.

Many years later after my marriage fell apart, another angel walked in. He was tall with green eyes and when we first met there was a definite connection. He walked in like he belonged there and helped to put my broken heart back together again. I’ve spoken about him here many times before and to make a long story short, he lost his life a few years ago. I am pretty certain that he was my guardian angel sent to make me whole again. I learned to laugh, to smile and to enjoy life again in his presence and perhaps even to trust again. Just when I thought, I had it all together, it was time for him to go. I walked the final journey with him and still remember those last words. “Lovely, I’m so so sorry.” I didn’t understand at the time what he was sorry about but now I know. He was sorry about having to leave. Angels never stay for long.

I believe angels walk amongst us and if you’re lucky as I have been, you get to meet them if only for a little while. They leave a lasting impact even when they’re gone but their absence leaves imprints on your heart. As Christmas draws near, I want to thank all my angels for your part in my life, for your guidance, your protection and for all the life lessons and love you have shown me.

Here’s to all of you. Angels from the past, the current and the ones I haven’t met yet. Merry Christmas and may you sing loud and clear this Christmas season. Thank you.

“I can no longer

See you with my eyes

Touch you with my hands

But I will feel you

in my heart forever.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.