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Healing

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The Oxford Dictionary defines healing as, “the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.”

There are different kinds of healing depending on what caused the pain in the first place. It could be a broken heart, losing a special person, walking away, or trying to repair something that has no chance of being repaired. How do you heal, that is the question. How long will it take is the more important question here. There are no right or wrong answers. The only thing that matters is that you survive what life has thrown your way.

In the beginning, you’ll wear “sackcloth and ashes” for days on end and you’ll let life go by as you stand at the water’s edge and watch it move on without you. Your life will come to a standstill. However, it doesn’t last forever. You’ll have to get back on to the circle of life because it is expected of you. Grieving, let me tell you, is a lonely affair. You can talk about it, share your feelings, seek the shoulder of someone who cares but the ‘doing’ and the ‘letting go’ part is yours alone.

“Your wound is probably not your fault but your healing is your responsibility.” Unknown

There is no specified time limit as to how long it takes to heal. You’ll hear different versions from people who are not walking or have not walked in your shoes. They’ll make you feel guilty for not letting go sooner and you’ll wonder if all is well with you. YOU are fine. Take the time BUT letting go and healing needs to happen at some point. Life is waiting and so you must get going and do what is expected of you.

You’ll have to get up each morning and get dressed even if you don’t feel like it.

You’ll have to practice self-care even when you want to let it all go to hell.

You’ll have to eat healthier because you matter.

You’ll have to practice self-love because no one else is going to do it for you.

You’ll have to get those feelings of despair out in the open even if you have to scream, shout or bang on the walls to do it. If that is not possible, keep a journal, write it all down and mark your progress.

YOU will have to find the strength within you to move forward and to keep moving forward. You’ve heard the saying, “Time stands still for no man,” well, that’s the absolute truth. It doesn’t.

Get back into life at your own pace but it has to happen at some point.

“It’s your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.” Unknown

The great Sufi teacher, philosopher and poet, Rumi, put it this way:

I said: What about my heart?

He said: Tell me what you hold inside it?

I said: Pain and sorrow.

He said: Stay with it. The wound is the place where the light enters you.”

Strange because all I was feeling at that point in time was total darkness at the region of my heart. There was no light there. Rumi, in his wisdom, was pointing out that “pain reveals and helps us cherish what truly matters and this pain and suffering can lead to personal growth and enlightenment.”

So it was a learning curve again? The concept and explanation is good BUT healing that wound is a personal thing, light or no light. Do it your way. Embrace the pain, cry it out, howl to the moon if you have to, sleep it off but get back up. You have a life to live and that right there is the message.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY

I AM LEARNING

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I am learning that each new day is a reminder to do better.

I am learning that I am fully capable of dealing with everything life throws my way.

I am learning that I need to practice gratefulness and to be thankful for all that I have.

I am learning to accept me as I am and to make changes if some of those things don’t work to my greater good.

I am learning to let go of things that don’t serve me and I am making room for those that do.

I am learning that I can’t change people, I can only change myself.

I am learning that life is a journey full of ups and downs and nothing stays the same forever.

I am learning that there is no such thing as forever, just the here and now.

I am learning that love is fleeting at its best and at its worst, it has the potential to turn your world upside down and inside out. Tread carefully.

I am learning that cheaters never change. They are repeat offenders. Integrity is just another word to them. A relationship with such an individual is like throwing pearls at pigs.

I am learning that today is a blessing, a gift and I have it in my power to make it an amazing day.

I am learning that life is ever-changing. It is a learning curve and mistakes are made to show us a new way of handling things and to learn and grow from it. Perhaps that is what life is all about.

“But most of all, I am slowly learning how to just be in this moment. How to exist. How to understand that I cannot control life, that I can only experience it in both its light and its dark stages. I am slowly learning how to laugh and cry and feel through it all, how to welcome the confusion and the joy that come with loving and living and breaking. I am slowly learning how to accept where I am”

“I am slowly learning how to simply believe in the person I am becoming.” Unknown

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!

Crazy Business Idea?

I think it would be based on the Uber concept of on-demand ride-hailing. Except mine would be based on hiring a friend for a day. You might say that exists already and it’s called an escort service. Only, this one would have “no benefits” if you know what I mean. It will be friendship in its purest form.

If you’re feeling lonely, pick up the phone and ask for a friend to show up. Be it for a walk, a talk, a listening session, playing games or whatever. When the time is up, they leave and you have had your dose of companionship with none of the hassles. It will be fast, moderately priced and made to order to suit your needs but here again no hanky panky involved.

We live in a society where “loneliness” reigns supreme. It goes unnoticed but it is there so such a crazy business idea might just work. Let’s call it:

RENT A FRIEND FOR A DAY

Daily writing prompt

Come up with a crazy business idea.

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You vs. You

“It’s you versus you. Meaning you’re the only thing standing in your way.” Amber Tamblyn

The battle lines are often drawn when it comes to facing life’s adversities, difficulties and the unknown. How often do you say, “This is too hard to handle or I can’t do this!” Life’s uncertainties are often met with, I am unworthy, I am too small, I am insignificant, I am not pretty enough, I am not capable, I am not enough and so on. We come up with so many excuses as to why we can’t achieve something or why it is impossible but if truth be told, we make mountains out of molehills. I often point my fingers at everything but myself. I become small and that problem, whatever it is, changes shape and becomes a mountain. It doesn’t matter that the mountain is of my own making, it’s there and it seems insurmountable.

What if we take a step back and view it from a different angle? Is it still insurmountable? How about if we changed our mindset to one of “I can” instead of “I can’t?” I know some problems are huge and they remain huge no matter which way you look at it but there are others that become that way because the “you” the negative “you” sees it that way and so it looms larger than life and once that negative mindset takes hold, it is all downhill from there. I’ve started looking at problems as just that. They are problems yes but I’ve decided to downsize them. I give them a cursory glance at first then I break it down into pieces and tackle it that way. Gone are the days of heart-thumping and end-of-the-world theatrics. No, it hasn’t made the problem any less of a problem but breaking it down does make it more manageable. Perhaps we need to remember it is not you vs. you but YOU working with you to come up with a solution, one that is workable.

It has been said you are your own worst enemy but what if you become your own best friend? Wouldn’t life be so much easier not to mention simpler? Here are some tips on how to do exactly that from the mindful.org.

When you look at the mirror, appreciate the unique person staring back at you – there’s never been another you!

When you talk to yourself, be friendly! Be understanding! NEVER BE MEAN!

When you need lovin’, give yourself a self-hug. Don’t knock it ’till you try it!

Don’t be shy to use your name and tell yourself that you love you.

Make a date with yourself to do something kind and caring.

Make yourself laugh.

Take time for contemplative practices that help you stay tuned in to your body, mind and emotions so that you might always be able to access your inner wisdom.

Idowu Koyenikan had this to say about problems.

“Mountains are only a problem when they are bigger than you. You should develop yourself so much that you become bigger than the mountains you face.”

If all else fails, you can give the “you” that is causing you problems a boot out the door! That should do it. Easier said than done I know and finally, YOU ARE ENOUGH AS YOU ARE so don’t underestimate yourself.

Have an amazing day.

The Little Einstein

Chachi, the cat, is on a mission. He is hell-bent on showing me that he’s not dumb and he has plenty to do than sleeping most of the day and the rest of the time cleaning himself as most cats do.

He says: “That’s for the birds mommy!”

My ex, who is a physicist, once said, “Cats are dumb creatures!” Obviously, he hasn’t met my Chachi yet. This little guy has smarts and sometimes I have to sit up, take notice and grit my teeth in frustration.

It started out with little things. I noticed a cupboard door being left open here and there but didn’t pay too much attention to it thinking I had forgotten to close them. I noticed that the same doors were open again even after I had made sure that they were closed. One day, I walked into the kitchen and lo and behold, the doors were open again so I closed them. A few minutes later, I heard rattling coming from behind the door and Chachi dashes out with a panicked look on his face! He had not only opened it but found his way behind the pots and pans AND probably enjoyed having new territories to explore!

A week later, I noticed one of the bedroom doors upstairs standing wide open. Can a cat open a door? The kitchen cabinet doors were closer to the floor but the bedroom door requires “height” and Chachi, the macho, definitely wasn’t big enough to do that or was he? A friend told me, it must be the work of a poltergeist or something. The “something” turned out to be the little guy with the fur coat. One day I caught him in the room and when he saw me, he dashed out like a kid caught with its hand in the cookie jar.

I think Chachi spends most of his days observing and figuring out how to do things when he’s not tearing his stuffed birds and mice to pieces! Like I said before, the little brat has some passive aggressive traits about him.

Fast forward to this morning. I woke up only to find his stuffed bird on the floor with half its insides beside it. Then I noticed the bedside table drawer had been pulled open but wait there’s more. The little guy with the deceptively cute face had opened the TV cabinet door! How?!! The door was locked and the key was in the lock. How did he manage this feat? God, only knows but when I yelled:

“Chachi, you’ve got stop doing this!”

He looked at me nonchalantly as if to say:

“I don’t know what “human” is going on about BUT if she’ll get me a companion to beat up, things will be just fine in my world. This bird stuff is for the birds and I’ve outgrown them!”

Well, folks, I’ve got my hands full with the little munchkin! I think he wants to beat Einstein at his own game! What will he do next? I don’t know and I don’t want to find out!

Have an amazing day.

My Youth Attachment

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It was books. I discovered that I could visit faraway lands, take fantastic journeys into the realm of fantasy and I could delve into romance without ever having to leave the comfort and safety of my bedroom!

It was a world that I revelled in. Love is not the word for it, it was something more. One day I discovered Anne Frank’s Diary and my safe world changed. I read it several times and I cried and I lived her journey with her. I learned that there is evil out there and I started writing. Writing about my feelings, my hopes and most of all my voice took on a power of its own.

I don’t read much these days perhaps because I write and I have something to say. Books showed me worlds I didn’t know existed, it showed me the inequalities that exists out there and it taught me that I too can change the world for the better.

Daily writing prompt

Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?

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Loose Lips Sink Ships

An article about President Trump and his inability to keep “secrets.”

I wrote this article when Trump was the 45th president. Fighting like a schoolyard bully to jumping in feet first before thinking and starting debacles was all part and parcel of his administration. He is now on his way to taking office as the 47th president and he will be the oldest individual to serve as president and the first to take office after having been impeached and not only that, he will be the first convicted felon to take office as well. Will we see more of the same? You can bet your bottom dollar we will. He is off and running again. Talks of buying Greenland to annexing Canada to using military force against a NATO ally and the list grows as the man who loves using “I” takes office. He has little regard for norms and often he lets his mouth overload his you know what!

The article I wrote back then.

The 45th President is in hot water again and this just days after the controversial firing of FBI Director, James Comey. The president alleged that the firing was due to Comey “not doing a good job,” and instead of leaving it at that, he went on to tweet a thinly veiled threat suggesting that there was a taped recording of his conversation with Comey further adding, “James Comey better hope that there are no ‘tapes’ of our conversations before he starts leaking to the press.” That threw him into the eye of the hurricane where he has been ever since.

As if that wasn’t enough to throw his presidency into a downward spiral, the president was off and running to his next debacle. This one involves allegations that he divulged classified information to Russian diplomats in the Oval Office. The Washington Post reported that Trump revealed highly classified information on the Islamic State group during his meeting with Russia’s Foreign Minister, Sergei Lavrov and Russian Ambassador, Sergey Kialyak. Yes folks, ignorance is bliss and where the new President is concerned, it’s enough to “sink ships,” or his Presidency.

The latest morsel of “red meat” was just what the press needed to send them scrambling to get the best angle on the developing story as dreams of “impeachment” riddled through the minds of die-hard Trump haters. Not so fast people. There is such a thing as damage control and the White House has been doing just that sending in the “big guns” to take care of business. If Spicer’s “stare down the press” tactics hasn’t worked, well, maybe sending in National Security Advisor HR McMaster might just do the job. In his no-nonsense fashion, he denied that the President had revealed, “Intelligence sources or methods,” but reviewed, “a range of common threats to our two countries including threats to civil aviation.” Was that enough to calm the “storm” and bring it to a screeching halt? Guess again.

Trump’s questionable tweets and actions have put his Presidency in turmoil once again and not even all the President’s men and women can put it back together again. This latest drama is one of his own making and if he doesn’t stop shooting off tweets from the White House during the early morning hours instead of getting some sleep, this situation is only going to get worse. Perhaps, he should take a tip from the 44th President, Barack Obama. When the going gets tough, go golfing. There is no better way to let off some steam than by shooting a small ball into a round hole at the same time cussing under your breath about all the wrongs of the world that needs righting. A surefire way to keep the lid on an explosive situation and you come off looking like a winner.

One last thing, the office of the President deserves a modicum of decorum and spouting off “secrets” at the drop of a coin and shooting off tweets like a teenager is not the way to get it.

–

FEAR

Fear, according to Freud, signals danger: “We fear physiological decay, illness and death; we fear the destructive forces of nature; and-of-course- we fear US.” Carl Jung, however, had a different interpretation. “For the hero, fear is a challenge and a task, because only boldness can deliver from fear.”

Whatever the case may be, fear took hold somewhere in my 20s and has been a constant companion ever since. I would consider myself to be a fearful person but people who know me say that I am strong and that I am capable of slaying monsters, the kind that keeps me from stepping out and looking fear right in the eye and thumping my nose at it. However, that doesn’t happen often!

Let’s see, I have a fear of ghosts having seen one or two in my lifetime but that’s for another place and time. I fear the unknown but who doesn’t? I have a fear of falling in love so I have built this insurmountable wall around me and breaking it is going to take super-human strength and a special kind of guy. That said, I do want to find love again but the fear within makes me run before I even get started and that is a conundrum in itself.

“The fears we don’t face become our limits.” Robin Sharma

Yet, if I put matters of the heart aside, I have done things that tells me that “fear” is just in my mind and NOT a real thing. I accompanied a sick friend to the very end of his life. In the beginning, I dug my heels in and said, “I can’t do this!” My friend gave me the power to pull the plug when the time came and even though I agreed bravely, the fear within told me, I couldn’t do it. Then the time came and I was asked the question I had been dreading all along. “I can’t take a life!” I screamed inwardly but outwardly I agreed to stop the meds that kept him hanging on to a life that was already gone. It took tremendous strength to see a life get snuffed out but fear was nowhere to be seen at that time.

Sometimes it is at these moments when we think we can’t that we CAN! Fear is an all-encompassing emotion meaning it can stop you in your tracks bringing life to an absolute standstill. I’ve been there and done that. At times, life takes a pause just enough so that you can come to grips with the fear within and to see it for what it is, just a momentary lapse in time until you can gather your strength and start moving again. I’m at that stage now. The fear of the unknown has set in and everything seems scary and putting one foot in front of the other is an option I am not looking forward to. I do know, however, that this too shall pass.

“F-E-A-R has two meanings: ‘Forget Everything And Run’ or ‘Face Everything And Rise.’ The choice is yours.” Unknown

I am a fearful person but I’ve stepped out of that fear mode many times. I know that I have the ability to overcome the most fearful things if need be and that for now is enough. One day, I’ll look back at my life and see the things I’ve accomplished in spite of that all consuming fear and know that it was but an imaginary hold in my mind that I created for whatever the reason.

Reality of Fear

You’re not scared of the dark.

You’re scared of what’s in it.

You’re not scared of heights.

You’re afraid of falling.

You’re not afraid of the people around you.

You’re afraid of rejection.

You’re not afraid to love.

You’re afraid of being loved back.

You’re not afraid to let go.

You’re just afraid that he’s really gone.

You’re not afraid to try again.

You’re just afraid of getting hurt for the same reason.”

Unknown

Overcoming fear takes constant effort and strength. If you think about it, fear is an emotion like any other. Give it a cursory glance when it steps in as it will but then shove it out the door and move out of its way. You’re fully capable of overcoming fear. I did when I refused to let it have the upper hand. Of course, it is still my daily companion but these days it doesn’t have the strength it used to have. It shows up but it doesn’t stay for long. I don’t stand still long enough for it to take hold and that maybe my superpower against it.

Have an amazing day.

My Mission?

My personal mission is to spread love not hate. More than that, my focus is to bring injustice of any kind to the forefront. My core focus has been on two things, racism and criminal injustice. I’ve been successful in both having published numerous articles on the topics but there is still much to be done.

My voice has grown quieter these days but that doesn’t mean I don’t see what’s happening and there are times when I really want to get back into the fray again but these days it is in a more subdued manner. It is not a 24/7 obsession anymore but speaking out only when keeping quiet means letting it exist whatever it is. Sometimes a small voice does carry weight and can boom like a megaphone.

I believe that it takes courage to speak out against injustice and racial inequalities. My goal is to continue speaking out against such atrocities.

Daily writing prompt

What is your mission?

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Stephon Clark, A Senseless Killing

LEST WE FORGET

March 18, 2018 dawned like any other day for Stephon Clark, a 22-year-old African-American male but before the day was done, he would belong to the same club as all those killed before him, the likes of Michael Brown, Tamir Rice and Trayvon Martin just to name a few who are now card-carrying members of the “shot dead by the police” club.

On that particular evening, the officers of the Sacramento Police Department were looking for a male suspect who was captured on film breaking windows in the Meadowview neighborhood. The police camera shows officers breathing heavily as they run around the neighborhood trying to apprehend the suspect. They come across Clark standing in the yard of his grandmother’s house with a cellphone in one hand. What ensued is hard to watch as is and was the case in many other shootings involving black males in the U.S. The camera footage takes you through the encounter and then one officer is heard shouting, “Gun! gun! gun!” and a barrage of shots follows. The aftermath shows the victim on the ground his life seeping away. The officers had fired 20 rounds, eight shots found their mark, six of them in Stephon Clark’s back. He died about 3 to 10 minutes after being shot. The officers opened fire just seconds, six seconds in all, after they encountered Clark.

This is nothing new. The “overkill” by law enforcement of black males is nothing new. It is a recurring event. The horror and anger is nothing new either and so are the protests that ensued as hundreds if not thousands took to the streets looking for justice. We have yet to see justice prevail in such shootings because police officers are held to different standards and they march to a different drum beat or so it seems in this country.

According to the police, they believed that Clark was holding a weapon in his hand as they chased him into the backyard and opened fire at an unarmed man. The weapon was a white iPhone. The officers have claimed that they “feared for their lives.” We’ve heard this excuse too. Take Michael Brown for instance. Officer Darren Wilson, who shot him claimed that he feared for his life against an unarmed Brown. The young teenager had been shot six times at least twice in the head, those were the last two shots delivered. According to Darren Wilson, it was a “fight for survival” and he shot him because he feared for his life. Sound familiar?

Coming back to the case at hand, no aid was administered to Stephon Clark after the shooting. It took about 5 minutes before a female officer is heard saying, “We need to know if you’re OK. We need to get you medics, so we can’t go over and get you help until we know you don’t have a weapon.” Right, how many bullets does it take to believe that a shooting victim is no longer a threat? After five minutes, they walk over and handcuff the man bleeding on the ground. More officers arrive at the scene and one officer is heard saying, “Hey, mute,” and that was the end of the audio recording.

This is just another shooting of yet another black male in the scheme of things. The use of deadly force is also the norm where black males are concerned. Shoot first and ask questions later is the stance law enforcement takes when it comes to black suspects. The latest incident has sparked protests but this too is nothing new. The anger will simmer long after the protests have died down but justice will take a long time coming, if at all.

California lawmakers are pushing to make it easier to prosecute police officers who kill civilians. According to the author of the bill, Shirley Weber, “It seems that the worst possible outcome is increasingly the only outcome that we experience.” How right she is. These killings can only be described as an “overkill” to say the least.

In the meantime, another black male is dead, the victim of a police shooting. Far too often we hear, “we feared for our lives,” from the officers after emptying their barrels into the victims but in most cases it was not the officers who had to fear for their lives, it was the victims who had no weapons to protect themselves and are no longer here to give an account of what took place.

Stephon Clark was the father of two young boys, ages 1 and 3 and at the time of his death, he was trying to turn his life around. He had a criminal record but that is not the point here. His record is irrelevant, the shoot to kill mentality is. The case is under investigation but don’t hold your breath. The killing of black males will continue in a culture where it is condoned by the system.

His grandmother asked, “Why didn’t you shoot him in the arm? Shoot him in the legs? Send in dogs? Send in a Taser? Why? Why? Those are my questions too. but I will add one more question to that. Why was Clark shot six times in the back if as the officers claimed that they had feared for their lives when they delivered the shots? Finally, did Stephon Clark deserve to die even if he had broken some windows on that late March evening? What do you think?

Update:

As of 2024, Stephon Clark’s family is still waiting for justice to prevail in this case. The body camera video sparked national attention, outrage and calls against police brutality. It was announced in 2019 that then District Attorney Anne Marie Schubert wouldn’t file charges against the two officers who shot him, Terrence Mercadal and Jared Robinet. However, California Gov. Gavin Newsom signed in the Stephon Clark law in 2019 altering the Sacramento Police Department’s body-worn camera policies. And that was it.