A woman cheats on her husband after years of happy marriage.
Realizing her mistake, she starts praying to God, “Lord, I know what I did was wrong, but my marriage is the only thing that gives my life purpose and joy. Please, don’t let my husband find out.”
Suddenly, she hears a voice from above. “Okay my child, it will be, but on one condition: years from now, you will die by drowning.”
The woman hesitates at first but then responds, “Alright Lord, if it means he’ll never find out, then so be it.”
The next years of her life are happy and wonderful. She starts a successful business and lives in comfort with her husband, however, she continues to cheat on him many times, having forgotten her conversation with God.
One day, she decides to book herself a vacation on a cruise ship. A few days into the voyage, a loud BOOM rocks the cruise ship, and it starts to sink. Suddenly remembering her agreement with God, she is stuck with grief and begins praying frantically to God again:
“God, you’re not gonna drown an entire cruise ship full of people because of me, right?”
She hears a familiar voice. “Are you kidding me? I’ve been working to gather all you cheaters here for years!”
BOOM! It may take years but it all comes back eventually and HOW!!!
“And then, just like that, my heart broke. My face crumpled, my composure went and I held him tightly and I stopped caring that he could feel the shudder of my sobbing body because grief swamped me. It overwhelmed me and tore at my heart and my stomach and my head and it pulled me under, and I couldn’t bear it. I honestly thought I couldn’t bear it.” Jojo Moyes
That last line held me in its grip and I went along for the ride for as long as it took. “I couldn’t bear it,” was my mantra when the dream splintered into a thousand pieces and lay in fragments at my feet. “This couldn’t be happening to me!” was my other cry but none of that mattered because the end had arrived and there was no going back to what was.
Cheating is one of the most despicable things one human being can do to another. If truth be told, it happens all the time. It has become a norm in this easy come, easy go world of ours. When it happens, you find yourself going under, and in my case I lost my best friend, a long-time life partner I had known and trusted for a long time. The aftermath is hard to describe. I went from a confident woman to someone I didn’t recognize anymore. There was sadness and of course tears but that line, “I couldn’t bear it,” was the slogan that kept me in the hole that someone else had dug for me.
However, let me tell you, YOU are fully capable of bearing it! It may seem like all is lost and you may feel like you’re looking at absolute darkness but I assure you that you’ll find your way into the light as I did. It took courage, strength, forgiving yourself for what wasn’t your fault and to slowly rise again. Rise again you must because you have no other choice! Let me also tell you that you are enough and those “fragments” of a shattered heart will learn to mend itself. You will learn to look at love and life through different glasses and the next time around when love walks in, you will know better.
“Over the years, confusing fragments, lost corners of stories, have a clearer meaning when seen in a new light, a different place.” Michael Ondaatje
I’ve changed from that young and trusting person I used to be. I thought love once yours would remain forever. I gave my trust to a man who had vowed to love me forever, had called me the love of his life and because best friends don’t hurt each other, I had thought we would make it to the very end. Wrong!
However, I can’t change what I want.
“And that was the cause of my heartache. I wanted everything or nothing at all. I’m not impressed by bits, parts, or almost. I’m a seeker of that which is whole, full, and complete. Completely mine or completely not.” Unknown
If that is in the cards for me is left to be seen. Only time will tell. You can overcome the insurmountable and even though you will carry those scars for a lifetime, you are built to survive. You are strong, you are resilient and you are beautiful. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror after it happened. I felt UGLY! It took time to overcome that as well.
Cheating causes emotional turmoil, mental health issues, a trust deficit, low self-esteem and sometimes PTSD-like symptoms. Sounds daunting doesn’t it? IT IS! However, the YOU within is capable of overcoming pain and resilient enough to overcome the challenges that it entails.
“You’re not broken. You’re just becoming. Unfolding slowly – like petals in spring. Give yourself time. ”
AND
“What sticks to memory, often are those odd little fragments that have no beginning and no end….” Tim OBrien
Be kind to yourself, love yourself, build yourself up and learn that those “fragments” which were part of your yesterday can help you towards a better tomorrow. Here’s the thing, YOU CAN BEAR IT!
“And then, just like that, my heart broke. My face crumpled, my composure went and I held him tightly and I stopped caring that he could feel the shudder of my sobbing body because grief swamped me. It overwhelmed me and tore at my heart and my stomach and my head and it pulled me under, and I couldn’t bear it. I honestly thought I couldn’t bear it.” Jojo Moyes
That last line held me in its grip and I went along for the ride for as long as it took. “I couldn’t bear it,” was my mantra when the dream splintered into a thousand pieces and lay in fragments at my feet. “This couldn’t be happening to me!” was my other cry but none of that mattered because the end had arrived and there was no going back to what was.
Cheating is one of the most despicable things one human being can do to another. If truth be told, it happens all the time. It has become a norm in this easy come, easy go world of ours. When it happens, you find yourself going under, and in my case I lost my best friend, a long-time life partner I had known and trusted for a long time. The aftermath is hard to describe. I went from a confident woman to someone I didn’t recognize anymore. There was sadness and of course tears but that line, “I couldn’t bear it,” was the slogan that kept me in the hole that someone else had dug for me.
However, let me tell you, YOU are fully capable of bearing it! It may seem like all is lost and you may feel like you’re looking at absolute darkness but I assure you that you’ll find your way into the light as I did. It took courage, strength, forgiving yourself for what wasn’t your fault and to slowly rise again. Rise again you must because you have no other choice! Let me also tell you that you are enough and those “fragments” of a shattered heart will learn to mend itself. You will learn to look at love and life through different glasses and the next time around when love walks in, you will know better.
“Over the years, confusing fragments, lost corners of stories, have a clearer meaning when seen in a new light, a different place.” Michael Ondaatje
I’ve changed from that young and trusting person I used to be. I thought love once yours would remain forever. I gave my trust to a man who had vowed to me forever, had called me the love of his life and because best friends don’t hurt each other, I had thought we would make it to the very end. Wrong!
However, I can’t change what I want.
“And that was the cause of my heartache. I wanted everything or nothing at all. I’m not impressed by bits, parts, or almost. I’m a seeker of that which is whole, full, and complete. Completely mine or completely not.” Unknown
If that is in the cards for me is left to be seen. Only time will tell. You can overcome the insurmountable and even though you will carry those scars for a lifetime, you are built to survive. You are strong, you are resilient and you are beautiful. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror after it happened. I felt UGLY! It took time to overcome that as well.
Cheating causes emotional turmoil, mental health issues, a trust deficit, low self-esteem and sometimes PTSD-like symptoms. Sounds daunting doesn’t it? IT IS! However, the YOU within is capable of overcoming pain and resilient enough to overcome the challenges that it entails.
“You’re not broken. You’re just becoming. Unfolding slowly – like petals in spring. Give yourself time. ”
AND
“What sticks to memory, often are those odd little fragments that have no beginning and no end….” Tim OBrien
Be kind to yourself, love yourself, build yourself up and learn that those “fragments” which were part of your yesterday can help you towards a better tomorrow. Here’s the thing, YOU CAN BEAR IT!
“Cheating is the most disrespectful thing one human being can do to another. If you aren’t happy in a relationship, end it before starting another one.” Abhishek Tiwari
It is also known as infidelity and defined as “when a person in a monogamous romantic relationship has an emotional or sexual relationship with someone else without their partner’s consent.” I can talk about this till the cow’s come home but cheating on someone, especially someone who loves you is disrespectful, hurtful and the antithesis of love. I was on the receiving end of such a relationship.
He was everything I wanted at that time. Sweet, gentle, loving, down-to-earth and it just felt like we belonged together. A marriage, a son and seventeen years later, I was staring at a blank page. He was successful in his career earning more than most and suddenly the gentle, sweet and nondescript guy had suddenly turned into every girl’s dream guy. His self-worth blew up like a balloon that not even a pin could deflate and he was floating on a bed of arrogance. I was still the girl he had met at the university dance, fell in love with and married. Suddenly I realized and to my dismay that he had moved on without looking back and I was left carrying the bag, the bag of broken dreams and relegated to the role of “lady-in-waiting.” The “nobody” was front and center and his priority.
According to Kiki Strack, “A man can love you from the bottom of his heart, and still find room at the top for somebody he claimed was nobody.”
Kiki speaks to the heart of the matter. Cheaters do not have a problem with this concept. The “nobody” will shine until the glitter wears off and he is ready to move to the next conquest. The problem is cheaters learn that they can have the best of both worlds without being held accountable for their actions. It is only when they get caught and their so called dream world comes crashing down and they have to pay the piper that facing the truth becomes a problem for them.. Unfortunately few learn from their mistakes. Once you take a bite from the apple of sin, there is no going back.
Melissa Edwards says it well. “Once a cheater, always a repeater.”
Looking back, it is not the cheater who has to pay a price but the victims who find themselves in a place that they don’t want to be in. There is nothing that can describe the pain of watching the trust you placed in one specific person be broken into a million pieces. No there is no putting back what was destroyed and no matter how hard you try, a patched heart is not a pretty sight. Years after I walked away, the walls are still up. Someone once asked me, “How can there be love without trust?” Good question but I have no answers.
“Trust once lost, could not be easily found. Not in a year, perhaps not even in a lifetime.” J.E.B Spredemann
I am learning to spread my wings, yes the same wings that got clipped when I learned about his infidelity. It has been a long, slow and painful journey forward. One slow step at a time and along the way, I have met many more like him. Men who cheat because they can. These days I have learned to spot the signs before it is too late. I listen to what it tells me. They say there is a tendency to fall for the same types over and over again. Why? Maybe the heart gravitates to what it has known and it is comfortable in that space. It is hard to believe but that may be the case. I do know that I have learned from my mistakes. I also know that I am valuable, a priority and my self-worth matters. I will not be someone’s lady-in-waiting especially when a “nobody” is relegated to a place of power.
Finally this.
“I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.” Unknown
I had an interesting discussion with a girlfriend yesterday and it all centered around the question WHY. She wanted to know “why” things happen the way they do but more specifically “why” the people who do bad things are living their best lives. It’s a question, I ask myself as well.
It seems and I place the emphasis on “it seems” that those who go out there and wreck havoc in other people’s lives, more knowingly than not knowingly seem to walk off into the sunset with no consequences whatsoever.
Looking at my own life, I’ve seen it happen many times over. My ex cheated on me and left me holding a bag of broken dreams. It was painful, heart-wrenching and it took a very long time for me to place my trust in anyone and I still don’t. Did he pay a price for what he did? It “seems” like he’s living his best life. He’s bought himself a big house, surrounds himself with luxury items and has a new woman to boot, a redhead no less. Not the same redhead he cheated with but another replacement. He must love redheads, I’m dark-haired. Moving on….What about what he did to me? Why is he living his best life? More specifically, why is he being rewarded for all the asinine things he did including his bad behavior? Those are my questions. Any answers?
It will come says “karma” very smugly.
I’ve met several more of the same loser types on the path of my relationship building focus. Like a heat seeking missile, I gravitate towards the same no good types. So called “nice guy” types with a penchant for lying and cheating. Why? Is there something pre-programmed within me that seeks a special kind of pain? The kind that surrounds me each time my heart breaks into pieces? I tell myself that this time it’s going to be different but each time when it happens, I ask why? Why do I always wind up with almost the same types and why can’t I get rewarded for a change for being the good girl? Why are these no-good, two-timing individuals (for lack of a better word!) not being held accountable for what they did?
Again, Karma whispers, “You need to wait your turn. I can only do so much and there are too many of them!”
My message to Karma: “Can you get some help please and get this process moving along? It’s taking too long!”
I know of someone who cheated on his wife and walked off at the drop of a coin and took up with someone new. He called her his soulmate. How can someone else’s wife be your soulmate? Just saying. Anyway, a long time later, his second wife had an accident and died from her injuries. Karmic retribution of the worst kind? If so, it took a long time coming. He still howls to the moon about the unfairness of it all but doesn’t see the pain he caused and his hand in what happened. Did he get what he deserved? More specifically, did he learn his lesson?
Is there a force out there that keeps tabs on all the wrongs we do and the pain caused to others? If so, the question “why” from my girlfriend will be answered at some point in time when the Piper comes calling and it’s time to pay the price. The message is clear, ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING. Karma is a b**ch and it collects when the time is right.
“When it rains, look for RAINBOWS. When it’s dark, look for STARS.” Unknown
Meanness exists in all forms and it is out there. However, I want to talk to you about the people you let into your inner circle, the ones who have been given direct access to you and the ones who have the opportunity to take aim and wreck havoc in your life. The ones who show you that meanness is not only out there in the world but that it is much closer to home and if given the chance, it can bring you down to your knees.
Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
There is so much truth in that one little quote. The problem is we see it, we know that it is not good for us but we keep hoping for change, hoping that the person will change for the better and show you something different but it never happens. Perhaps, it is in their DNA and change in any form will not be forthcoming. At times it is a bitter pill to swallow but still we hang on hoping for the best and all we get is the same old stuff or worse. It is time to do different.
The world is not made up of sugar and spice and all things nice. Not everyone has your best interest at heart. There are those who won’t hesitate to hurt you, play with your heart, those who will use their actions to show you how little you mean to them and there are those who will break you simply because they can.
“It’s hard to be nice when the rest of the world is so mean.” Sarah Dessen
Step out into the world knowing that not everyone is nice. Pay attention to what is being shown to you. Their actions will speak louder than words. Are they liars/cheaters? Did they show you that they are and later came up with excuses for their indiscretions? Excuses or not, they’ve shown you that you can’t trust them. Believe them and take it from there. A liar/cheater is someone who takes you lightly. If you had meant more to them, they wouldn’t have gone down that path of no return. If you’re thinking they’ll change, think again. Once a cheater always a cheater. It’s somehow wired into their DNA and each time they get away with it, they become more emboldened. Betrayers betray you when it suits them. You are the last thing on their mind when they decide to cheat. It’s all about them so remember that because giving them a second chance is like, “Setting yourself on fire to keep them warm.” Breaking a heart is not a small matter but it is to them. People who truly value you will not hurt you that way and that right there is the truth of the matter.
“You define your own life. Don’t let other people write your script.” Oprah Winfrey
Always remember your life is important. You are worthy of having good people around you and leave the mean ones out of the picture. The jealous types will make you feel like you’re guilty of doing something wrong all the time. Just because someone smiled at you, you’re at fault. If someone shows you attention, they go off the deep end. These types are insecure about themselves so everything you do is somehow not to their liking. You define your own life and stay away from these control freaks. You have nothing in common with them and love is not about control. You deserve a relationship where you can co-exist with mutual respect, love, tolerance and freedom. The freedom to be as you are. Write your own script and do it well. Get rid of all the things that do not serve you and move forward with confidence knowing that the right person is out there and waiting.
Work on finding the right people to help you build your world. The ones who will stand by you, add value to your life, be there when times are tough but most of all the ones who will show you through their actions that they are willing to make a mean world better by being the kind of people you deserve. Do not settle for anything less. Choose your friends carefully but more importantly guard your heart, know your worth and place boundaries where they need to be placed. It’s a mean world out there and not everyone is going to look out for you. You’ll have to learn if the people within your inner circle are destroyers or builders. Get rid of the destroyers, the ones who sap your energy, bring you down and are just fair-weather friends and hold onto the builders because they’re the ones who want to see you thrive and succeed in whatever you choose to do.
“It’s unfortunate because people have become so comfortable being mean.” Rachel Lindsay
There are cheaters and there are cheaters! What’s the difference? According to choosingtherapy.com, “Not every person who cheats once will cheat again. However, serial cheaters are people who seek out sexual partners on a continual, chronic pattern of infidelity.”
Cheating is NOT a mistake.
“If you’re truly in love with someone, you will not be able to kiss someone else without tasting your loved ones tears strain your lips. You will not be able to take your clothes off for someone else without feeling like a field ripped bare to its soil. Cheating is a choice. It’s a choice you made because you obviously didn’t give a single f**k about your relationship.” Unknown
Serial cheaters are repeat offenders. They don’t give a flying flip about the person they are cheating on. They can look you in the eye and lie through their teeth. If you’re questioning if your partner is cheating on you, you probably have good cause to feel that way. Cheaters are adapt at hiding what they’ve been doing but there is always a giveaway in more ways than one. They, the serial cheater, will stand on his head and tell you your imagination is running wild but if he takes off and there are long silences OR if he calls to say, “Hi!” and is gone again, it’s his guilty conscience acting up although some serial cheaters have done it so many times that they just move to fresher pasture if caught in the act.
“When you fully trust someone without any doubt, you finally get one of two results! A person for life or a lesson for life.” Unknown
Pay attention and choose the right one before it’s too late. What about remorse? Unfortunately, serial cheaters have little of this commodity. Empathy might take the form of a few tears but believe me, they are convinced that there are many more fish in the water. You are better off throwing them back in the pond where you found them. The “dirty pond” teeming with tainted men and women who are more their kind.
“Only desperate women go after someone else’s man.” Unknown
Yes, it definitely hurts to move on but after gaining some experience of the unsavory kind, you’ll be glad to give them to whoever wants them. Life is too short for staying in mistakes, there are good men out there who will want a good woman. It may not feel that way at first but the first step is to walk away. All the rest will fall in place. I told a guy once that I couldn’t find myself in bed with him after he had been with someone else! The “Ekel factor” would be too much to bear. So it is “Adios Muchachos” for me!
It might be different for you. Choose wisely and walk tall. The man of your dreams is around the corner, keep your eyes peeled and soon he might just walk in.
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