life – Page 23 – Site Title

The Hard Things (Archives)

Most of us cringe at the thought of doing the hard things. Be it a break-up, walking away, losing a job or letting go of things that no longer serve us, it is an exceptionally hard thing to do. It is not something we look forward to because it means taking the bull by the horns and waging war on what seems to be an impossible task at first. Given time, patience, perseverance and a hard-headed look at what needs to be done to get to the other side, we find it is doable but not easy.

Easy is not what life is about. If anything, easy is not in its vocabulary. It seems at times that “living” is about going through the hard stuff. Sometimes one and sometimes a string of unsolvable and often times impossible situations but you and I know that it is those hard times and how you deal with it that brings out the strength in us. Sure, it would be easier if we didn’t have to deal with them but when has that stopped life from throwing the hard stuff our way?

Where would we be without them? Probably having a great time without having to walk through the minefield of the hard stuff all equipped and designed to bring you down to your knees if you make a false move. There is no right or wrong way of going about it, it is trial and error and an undying resilience to take what is handed to you and to make it work for you. We’ve all made those false moves where we’ve crashed and burned and just when you think there is nothing left to do except to pick up the pieces and make the most of it, there is light at the end of the dark tunnel. There is that open door that beckons because as you know when one door closes another one opens but it is human nature or at least it is mine to look past it and back at the one that has closed and is no longer available.

“Hard things are hard because there are no easy answers or recipes. They are hard because your emotions are at odds with your logic. They are hard because you don’t know the answer and you cannot ask for help without showing weakness.” Ben Horowitz

The hard stuff has kept me captive for longer than I want to admit. Truth is, I don’t do “HARD” well. Holding on is my nemesis, letting go of things that no longer serve me is harder still and moving on, well that is an impossible task at times. I hold on hoping that changes will come my way but it never does. Things happen for a reason, people are the way they are because they are wired that way and looking and hoping is not going to change things. However, whatever life throws your way, there is a lesson in there somewhere but it is hard to see when it first hits you. I think we fail miserably at times because we walk in circles, bang our heads on that closed door and refuse to move on until we are drained of energy and there is nothing else to do but to walk through that open door. Human nature at its best? I think so.

We are fully capable and have the strength within to meet the hard stuff head on and to tame it if necessary. It is the fear of the unknown in sync with the weakness within that works hand-in-hand to stop us in our tracks, makes us tremble where we stand as we whisper, I CAN’T. You and I have had our baptism by fire in one form or another, of this I am sure. The hard thing is just one more obstacle to overcome, nothing more, nothing less. We tend to make it more than what it is. Life is a never-ending circle of challenges in the form of “hard things” to overcome. It is mixed in with the good stuff but it is the hard stuff that brings forth the real you. Your strength, your power and most of all your ability to slay it where it stands takes courage, growth and an attitude of never giving up which will put the “hard stuff” in its place. Who knows if shown the door more often than not, it might decide to stay away. We can hope can’t we?

“I see your fear, and it’s big. I also see your courage, and it’s bigger. We can do hard things.” Glennon Doyle

Have an amazing day.

This Thing Called Love (4)

We sat across from each other, his gaze direct but hooded and mine trying not to look at the face I knew so well. He looked older, a touch of grey showing at his temples and there is a beard now where there was none before. He is still tall and lanky but a slight pouch is clearly visible. There was a certain sadness emanating from him but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

We talked about the one thing that still binds us. He says, “I’m so proud of him. He’s learning to handle things on his own.” I nod, silence filling the air. Something inside me wanted to scream, “You weren’t there half the time! I was left holding the bag when you took off in search of greener pastures.” Instead, I keep my gaze averted and try desperately to hold on to the strength within. The one I’ve been building brick by brick since he left and I wasn’t about to let his words bring it all down crushing into nothingness. He has that effect on me. Why wouldn’t he? I had been married to him and our life together had lasted 16 years. We had started out as best friends and later when love stepped in, it led to marriage and parenthood. Somewhere along the way, he decided to let it all disintegrate and go up in flames when his EGO decided to step in and he let “arrogance” do the rest.

Staring at me, he asked, “How are you doing?” his voice tinged with concern. And then he said, “I’m not a bad guy.” I felt the tears cloud my eyes but I scrambled to keep my calm facade in place like my life depended on it! I said softly, “I’m fine.” He nodded.

He didn’t know that I had called myself, “damaged goods” when it went down. He didn’t know that I had called myself a bird with clipped wings and that I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror for a long time and neither did he know that the unbearable pain had made me put my heart under lock and key and to throw away the keys! So “I’m fine” doesn’t even begin to address all that I went through.

We continued as two strangers making empty conversation. Once we had talked about everything. Our talks had been filled with warmth, love and laughter but that was a long time ago when “love” meant something and “hurt” was a long ways off.

He uncrossed his long legs looking uncomfortable. We had stopped giving each other the meaningless hugs each time we met. Then he had stopped saying, “I still care about you.” I couldn’t bear hearing it anymore. So it was better this way.

Today, it was all about the boy we had brought into this world. Recently, he has been showing more interest in being a good father and I am thankful. Suddenly, he stood up and stretched as if the stilted conversation between us had drained him. I said, “Take care of him.” He answered softly, “I will.”

I walked him to the door and stepping outside, the fresh air felt good. He turned and looked at me again, his eyes speaking volumes. Something within me wanted to jump over the fence I had placed around myself and to say, “Take care of yourself.” I felt this prickling of sympathy for someone who had lost his way and I wanted him to know, “It was going to be alright.” I couldn’t. Smiling a weak smile, I closed the door behind me.

This thing called love is something I will never understand for as long as I live. I know it has the tendency to turn your world upside down and to take you on a roller coaster ride but “ordinary” it is not. Sometimes it walks in silently and has you in its grip and at other times it dies a sudden death and you don’t know why. They say love makes the world go around, it does, but it is also a conundrum and sometimes it is better left alone but when has that stopped us from approaching it throwing caution to the winds. Some loves are forever, some loves are too hard to bear, some loves break your heart in pieces and some “loves” are better left alone.

Important Things for a Good Life

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” John Lubbock

I had to give this question much thought. Several things came to mind like money, love, safety and others but since I’ve been on this journey of self-discovery, I find that “peace” is at the top of my list. Not that the other things don’t matter, they do but peace is what I’m seeking and it equates to a good life, one that is well-lived.

Nature is my safe zone. Being out there in the fields has taught me many lessons and one of them is that life takes care of itself. Just like the seasons, each one has a time and place and it happens like clockwork and with very little help from the human hand. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that everything happens with no human help, I’m saying that the majority of the work is done by unseen hands.

The quiet space. It has become a daily ritual to search for that quiet space. A space where I can go within and to let my mind and the incessant chattering take a breather and then something else walks in. It is wisdom that I find in those quiet times. I spend a lot of time meditating and it has worked magic in my life. I am more in control of whatever comes my way and fully capable of dealing with whatever needs to be dealt with. So the quiet space is a must in my daily existence.

Workouts – these are an absolute must. I workout seven days a week and when I do take a day off, I feel guilty! I find that giving your body the attention it needs is a must to living a good life.

“Your body will be around a lot longer than that expensive handbag. Invest in yourself.” Unknown

I’ve mentioned some of the things I need to live a good life. Of course, there are many more but not as important as the ones I’ve mentioned.

Daily writing prompt

What are the most important things needed to live a good life?

View all responses

LIMITLESS

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“There is one grand lie – that we are limited. The only limits we have are the limits we believe.” Wayne Dyer

Do you feel smaller than you are or have you made yourself to feel that way? Did one careless word, a disdainful look or one mean retort shrink you down to size? Did you believe those lies willingly? Often, we take those lies thrown in our direction and run with them and we come up with more lies. I am not worthy, I am not enough, I am not equipped to deal with whatever life throws my way and I just can’t! That last one is my mantra. I CAN’T!

YOU ARE LIMITLESS

“The most powerful words in the universe are the words you say to yourself.” Unknown

Be careful of what you say to yourself. Limiting beliefs are just that, they stop you from achieving or moving towards the goals you want to achieve. Words and phrases like, I’m not beautiful, I’m not good enough, I’m not intelligent enough and I’m not worthy enough but perhaps the most damaging is, “I don’t deserve it.” Limiting words stop us in our treks and they stop us from achieving our goals. Be careful of what you tell yourself because YOU ARE LISTENING! Let’s change the narrative and put a positive spin on things.

SAY:

I AM LIMITLESS AND I BELIEVE I AM!

“Your potential is limitless. You are unique, valuable, capable and worthy of the dreams in your heart. Most of all, you have what it takes to transform and transcend whatever challenges you face.” Marie Forleo

YOU, my friend, are limitless. There is a vast limitless potential within you. You have everything within you to soar as high as you want. You have the ability to climb the highest mountain and to make it to the very top. In order to get there, you have to change what you tell yourself because you are made of stronger stuff. YOU can fly if you want to. Change your mindset, do the work and the rest will fall in place.

YOU ARE LIMITLESS!

Have an amazing day.

LOL!

A man was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine. “What was that for?” he asked. “That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,” she replied.

“Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on, I bought you those flowers with the winnings,” he explained. “Oh darling, I’m so sorry,” she said. “I should have known there was a good explanation.”

Three days later he was watching TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with a frying pan, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, “What was that for?” His wife responded, “Your horse phoned.”

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Scientists recently reported on a research study indicating that beer contains traces of female hormones. To support their theory, they gave 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed their behavior. At the end of the study 100 percent of them talked nonsense and couldn’t drive.

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One morning a conservative business executive came to work wearing an earring in one ear. His coworkers were teasing him when one asked, “When did you start wearing an earring?” He replied, “Since my wife found this one in my car.”

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What do you call a man who has lost 95 percent of his brainpower?

A widower.

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What do marriage and tattoos have in common?

Both seemed like a good idea at the time.

A Rainy Day

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I woke up to the sounds of rain not pitter-pattering outside but coming down in a steady deluge. Cuddled up under the covers with Chachi, the cat, the sound was soothing.

It looks like the rain has moved in and it is planning to stay for awhile. The ground has been parched for lack of water in recent weeks so this intermittent rain is much sought after not only by the plant life but by the farmers as well. I, on the other hand, have a soft spot for rain. I don’t like the kind that is accompanied by thunder and lightning but this soft and steady variety is just my cup of tea or coffee for that matter.

Standing at the big window in the kitchen, coffee cup in hand and Chachi right by my side, I notice that the wind is picking up and it is going to be a wet and blustery day.

Chachi goes: “The TV is acting up Mommy!”

He’s right. There is none of the usual calmness with birds singing in the trees. The sky is grey and the bamboo fronds in the neighbor’s garden is doing a slow dance moving in symphony to the rhythm of the rain. There is beauty in the movement and as I let my gaze take in the scene before me, I realize that nature in all its wisdom has a way of accommodating everything that comes its way. There is much we can learn from it just by standing still and observing. It’s a hard thing to do I know because life sometimes moves at a faster pace than we want it to.

I know Chachi, the cat, will adjust to the erratic movements going on outside the window and I will up my workout routine today and add Tai Chi to match what is happening outside. It’s a day that calls for lots of coffee and perhaps a slice or two of cheesecake! It’s going to be a beautiful day and I wish you the same.

“The beauty of rain, it’s like a symphony from the sky. Pounding drums on my roof, serenades on my windows. An angelic ballet of raindrops dancing around in my garden. A spectacle I could witness for the rest of my days.” N.C.

Have an amazing day.

Chachi’s Softer Side

The little macho in the fur coat does have a softer side and he has decided to show me his feminine side.

He has toned down his cat antics and now, it’s all about taking “lovey-dovey” to a new high! I’m loving it but it is also a tad scary. I see a “mini-me” in the making. I used to be fearful and a clap of thunder would make me jump. We had a thunderstorm two days ago and when it rolled in, Mr. Macho was nowhere to be found! He only came out of his hiding place when things quieted down and the coast was clear and then he looked at me as if I had caused all that racket!

Working out is getting to be next to impossible. My “workout cat” not only joins in but weaves in and out between my legs making it impossible to continue and then decides it’s “kisses galore” time! Try resisting those puppy dog eyes! Yes, he’s got that one down pat. If you can’t beat them, join them? Exactly what happens. It is only a matter of time before we are down on the mat in a lovefest exchanging snuggles, kisses and hugs! Not that I’m complaining.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that Little Einstein is not what he makes himself out to be. He’s a scaredy cat in every sense of the word! Our morning routine hinges on going down together. He waits patiently until I’m ready to go down and then he dashes down the stairs but not before. I wanted to see if I was just imagining it so I went down with him this morning and left him in the kitchen and went back upstairs. Unbelievable! Within minutes, he was back upstairs “mommy meowing” until he found me!

To top it all, his fur is accommodating his new-found softer side! Suddenly, he is soft as silk and holding him close is a joy indeed. What happened? I don’t know but his new nickname is “Softie!” It suits him just fine and I’m loving this sweetness and gentleness he is showing. However, I know that this softer side will not last. It is only a matter of time before the little guy who wears the pants in this household will show up with that John Wayne stride and with that grin plastered on his face and believe me, it will be sooner than later!

Have an amazing day.

Qualities I Value Most in a Friend?

A good question because I’ve asked myself that same question many times over. I tend to be a stickler for rules so being my friend is hard because those expectations I have of how a friend should be is sometimes a barrier to true friendship. However, I don’t ask for more than I am willing to give.

As I friend, I am loyal, trustworthy, there when you need me and if help is needed I am ready and willing to do whatever is necessary but sometimes that willingness opens up the door to someone taking advantage of you. It has happened and some of those people are no longer in my life.

“Some people will only be there for you as long as you have something they need. When you no longer serve a purpose, they will leave. The good news is, if you tough it out, you’ll eventually weed these people out of your life and be left with some great people you can count on. We rarely lose friends, we just gradually figure out who our real ones are.” Darren John Maxwell

I had posted something the other day. In the article I made reference to something I was dealing with. The phone rang and there he was, someone who was close to me because at one time we were more than friends. Anyway, he asked, “What is going on?”

ME: “How did you know?”

HIM: “I read your post and I know you better than most people.”

So I told him and it was a good talk. I was thankful for the caring he showed and that folks is what friends are about. They show up when you least expect them to. Showing up is one very important aspect of friendship along with all the other things I mentioned.

“Good friends are like stars. You don’t always see them, but you know they’re always there.” Christy Evans

Daily writing prompt

What quality do you value most in a friend?

View all responses

Jobs I’ve Had?

I’ve been very conservative about moving from job to job. If I liked a job, I would stay with it and I’ve been lucky enough to say that the jobs I’ve held have kept me there for a long time.

Writing has always been a first love but I didn’t get to concentrate on it fully until at a later stage in my life. Sure, I got articles published at an early age but a job it wasn’t. Just something I dabbled in because I loved writing and getting the word out.

I was in management at the university, both working and studying at the same time. It was tough but it wasn’t really what I wanted to do. However, I bit my lip and held on just long enough until I finished, met my ex and we moved to Europe. Still writing was sporadic to say the least. I published a lot of articles, wrote for magazines and kept my political side alive by writing online articles rubbing shoulders with the best of them. It wasn’t my dream job.

A few years later, I landed the job of Fashion Editor. It wasn’t exactly my cup of tea either. Basically I was involved with the celebrity world, what they wore, what they did and what was going on in their lives. Add the supermodels to it and I was right in the middle of what was happening. Still, I was getting tired of designers and the celebrity BS! After a few years of doing that, I got the opportunity to leave that world behind and to go it alone. Now, I write what I want, when I want and my time is mine alone. It’s a good place to be in and writing, well it is still my first and last love. I will always write and I’m hoping my book will be out later this year. Keeping fingers and toes crossed!

This Friendship Thing (Archives)

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“Sometimes you need someone to be there for you. Not to fix the problem or offer advice or do anything in particular, but simply to be there. To show up. To be present with what you’re feeling. To see what you’re going through. To see you, understand you.” Unknown

Can men and women just be friends? This is the question that popped up, “When Harry Met Sally,” and sent some of us scrambling for answers. The answer as far as I’m concerned is that it is next to impossible in most cases.

I used to be the proverbial tomboy in my younger days and as such I had some wonderful friendships with the boys I hung out with. It was nothing sexual but of the innocent variety. I had my pigtails tucked under my cap and my ensemble of shorts and t-shirt had seen better days but I was for all purposes one of the boys.

It all changed when I turned sixteen. I got asked out on my first date. He was cute and I accepted. It was also the first time that I had worn my long hair down leaving it brushed and shiny and I wore a dress for the very first time! Lo and behold, things changed after that. I was no longer “one of the boys” but someone they wanted to dance with and spend time with. However, this friendship thing was still there. I learned that boys and later men make very good friends. There is none of the bitchiness, envy or jealousy, it was just straightforward, “I’m your friend,” stuff and all that it entails.

Later during my university days “friendship” with young men was still going strong. I had lots of men friends and although some were happy to be just a friend, others wanted more and that became complicated and made things difficult.

Now, I’m finding out that men are not as simple as they seem. There is a thing called, “friends with benefits,” and it is not my thing and never has been. I’m seeking the pure friendship variety like I used to know when life was simple and innocence was front and center. The problem is no matter how hard I try to make it clear right from the start it never fails before it starts heading in an unwanted direction. Not too long ago, I had this conversation with a male friend. We’ve known each other for quite some time and we’ve done walks, lunches and dinners but nothing more. Well, just a hug or a peck on the cheek as friends do. Here’s how the conversation went.

Me: Wouldn’t it be nice to have a Pyjama Party? We can watch some movies and just talk?

Him: I would like some snacks.

Me: Sure, I can get that.

I was thinking this is going great. Just some company with no hassles whatsoever!

Him: I don’t think I can do that!

Me: Why not?

Him: I CAN’T!”

Hmm…does everything have to be sexual? He was honest and that was a good thing but I wanted my good old days back and the reality is, those days have flown the coop!

Let me ask you:

“Can men and women ever just be friends?”

“Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.” Ed Cunningham

Have an amazing day.