Mental health – Page 20

Groundhog’s Day

This particular phenomenon is defined as “a situation in which the same usually negative or monotonous experiences occur repeatedly or are felt to occur repeatedly with no change or correction.”

In the movie, Phil (Bill Murray), a weatherman finds himself trapped in a time warp and he is doomed to relive the same day over and over again UNTIL he gets it right.

“If you want something new, you have to stop doing something old.” Peter Drucker

Ever felt like you’re reliving an experience over and over again? I have and it is not only a bad feeling but getting off that roller coaster is sometimes hard to do. I’ve asked myself why am I here again? Did I not work through this already? I thought I was heading towards something better but it is the same old runaround and the same old Deja Vu feeling.

“Life is from the inside out. When you shift on the inside, life shifts on the outside.” Kamal Ravikant

Perhaps that right there is the problem in a nutshell. I did not shift or change from the inside but was just pretending like it had. According to http://www.boro.ac.uk, the reason can be found in the way our “brain processes information and creates templates that we refer to again and again. The templates are essentially shortcuts, which help us make decisions in the real world. They are known as heuristics and they make us repeat our errors.”

Too complicated? I think so too. Another expert had this to say: “the neural pathways are programmed such that every time we remember a past mistake, the brain heads back down the previous pathway.”

Oh God, this is even worse! I don’t want my brain remembering every mistake I made! The goal is to never repeat those mistakes again. However, no matter how hard I try I feel like the proverbial horse being led to drink from a pond I don’t want to. Perhaps, I have no control over the matter because those mistakes have already been pre-programmed into my inner core and there is nothing I can do about it. If that is the case, it is Groundhog’s Day over and over again. How awful is that?!!

It is time to make some drastic changes. The moral of Groundhog’s Day was:

“If you’re tired of reliving the same day repeatedly, something must change – and it’s up to you.”

According to the experts, if you’re finding yourself in “bad” relationships then recognizing “those past relationship mistakes and patterns can make a big difference in your future.” How do you stop making those same mistakes? Are there certain patterns or specific types who are not good for you?

Here are some problem-solvers:

Make small changes. Humans are creatures of habit and therefore comfortable with what is not necessarily good for us. Change doesn’t happen overnight but breaking those negative patterns one piece at a time might lead you in the right direction.

Practice self-care and don’t beat yourself up over mistakes you’ve made. Bad relationships can damage your self-esteem so be extra kind and gentle to yourself. Meditate, exercise, do yoga but more importantly take all that wasted energy and dedicate it to yourself.

Give yourself time to heal – don’t jump into the next relationship, give yourself time to heal.

Then there are three basic attachment styles: Insecure-avoidant, Insecure-anxious and Securely attached. The first two struggle and see themselves as being not enough. Both these types struggle with vulnerability. The Securely-attached might have the same problems as the first two but they embrace their vulnerability and are ready to accept and receive comfort, security and safety which helps to quiet the negative voices within them. Unfortunately, I belong to the first two attachment types. All fine and good but how do I outsmart my brain and get rid of that template which keeps bringing me back to the same place over and over again? I know that this is going to be a long process and a hard journey but I am bent on breaking the cycle. It is time to move on and to get it right!

“You are the author of your own story. If you don’t like where this chapter is going, it’s OK to start a new one.”

BUT, I like this one better.

“Life is tough my darling, but so are you.” Stephanie Bennett Henry

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY

Rejections

“Rejection is when we seek out a connection and the object of that connection turns us down. All people experience forms of rejection throughout their lives, whether they are turned down for a job they wanted, turned down for a date, or experience a friend or romantic partner ending their relationship.” http://www.verywellmind.com

It can be a no for a job interview, no when asked out on a date or no to a relationship, however, it is not a one rejection fits all kind of thing. There are different circumstances but they have one thing in common, they all have a negative connotation and that is the connection that binds each and every rejection. It is painful and it quite often affects your self-esteem and chips away at your self-confidence depending on the type of rejection and how cruel or mean the rejection was.

“Rejection is a common occurence. Learning that early and often will help you build up the tolerance and resistance to keep going and keep trying.” Kevin Feice

Not being picked for a job might seem traumatic and it may cause emotional or physical distress. Social rejections are just as upsetting. Getting turned down on a date or a sudden breakup could cause turmoil or upheaval in a person’s life. Or if someone doesn’t want to be your friend, that can be especially painful.

“REJECTION doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough; it means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer.” Unknown

How do you deal with rejections? Perhaps by remembering:

“Every no brings you closer to a yes.” Unknown

If that doesn’t work, here are some tips from the people in the know. According to verywellmind.com, healthy ways of dealing with rejection is to let go of blame. Learn from it and approach it with a positive mindset and say it will be better the next time around and there is always a next time. Feel your emotions and don’t bottle them up. If you need to let it out, LET IT OUT!

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” Winston Churchill

There are unhealthy ways of dealing with it as well and we all know what those are, don’t we?

Taking a rejection personally and beating ourselves down with it is one way not to do it. Comparing ourselves to others is definitely not the way to go. Downplaying your feelings is not a good option but the most important point is to NEVER GIVE UP!

Rejections take all forms but learning to deal with them without letting it gnaw at your soul takes practice, patience and a positive mindset. Sure, you can’t just brush it off like water off a duck’s back because it has a tendency to go deeper but learning the right methods to deal with it means you are armed and ready to conquer anything even something as nasty as a rejection or two. And if someone rejects you, the quote below brought a smile to my face, hope it does to yours.

“Don’t feel BAD if someone REJECTS you, PEOPLE usually reject EXPENSIVE things because they can’t AFFORD THEM.”

One way of looking at it!

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!

Declutter Your Mind

Photo by Juan Pablo Serrano on Pexels.com

It’s a gorgeous day with light fluffy clouds and blue skies. The weather forecasters didn’t get it wrong when they promised a really nice Sunday but they never do. They’ve got it down to a science.

Sitting out on the terrace with the sun’s rays picking up heat, it feels good. I had just finished decluttering my wardrobe, took the summer stuff out, made room for the warm winter clothes and bagged up the unwanted pieces that had been cluttering up my space for no other reason than to just take up space. Twice a year, I do the changeover but it never ceases to astonish me at just how much stuff I had accumulated in between seasons, unwanted things that is. I can’t seem to say, “Your time is done, it’s time for you to go.”

Perhaps humans have a tendency to hang onto things even when the expiry date has come and gone and doing so not only clutters up the limited space we have but we do the same thing with our minds as well so that it is hard to find our way through the maze that we call our mind.

The Oxford dictionary defines declutter as “removing unnecessary items from (an untidy or overcrowded place.”

How often do we declutter our minds? I don’t because unlike decluttering a wardrobe, my mind contains ‘stuff’ that I have put away under lock and key and opening it back up would be like looking straight into Pandora’s box. I have collected so much baggage from my past that I wouldn’t know what or how to get rid of what no longer serves me not that it had served me before. All that clutter were and are reminders of a past, at times beautiful memories but hidden within the joyful memories are the monsters I would rather forget. I don’t want to frolic there for too long so why do I keep them there like precious trinkets when they are not.

“You can’t reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday’s junk.” Louise Smith

That right there is the truth although most of us refuse to accept the inevitable and declutter if not once a year at least regularly to make space for what needs to be there. Alas, we are good at storing things. We carry along years and years of baggage just for the sake of reminding us how awful someone had been, we hold on to unkind things that had happened and perhaps we need these momentous to feel righteous about why we are the way we are.

Recently I spoke to a friend who lost his wife five years ago and whenever things are not going well in his life, he pulls out his ace card, his dead wife. “She was the best,” he moans trying to convince himself more than anyone else. It’s a phrase he throws out there whenever he needs to but I know and he knows that things weren’t all that great in paradise as he would like everyone to believe. Yet he keeps himself from moving forward by hanging on to the make-believe in his mind and so doesn’t give the new person a chance to come into his life. He then wonders why he can’t keep a woman by his side. No woman in her right mind would want to compete with a dead wife knowing full well that it would be a losing battle from the get-go.

“Mental clutter is the energy we consume everyday and the thoughts that take up space in our mind. It is the ‘noise’ that keeps us from seeing the world through a clear lens.” Unknown

I know someone else who had something awful happen to him. It has been years since that took place but every chance he gets he throws it out like a gauntlet and challenges anyone to pick it up and prove him wrong. He doesn’t realize that all those bad memories need to be put to rest, dwelling on them brings no solutions only anger and the refusal to move on. If you want to move on to something better, the past needs to be laid to rest. There is no other way.

I know that all of us have baggage from the past in one form or another, some less, some more and some are hoarders! Looking into that space I call my mind, I am horrified at the clutter and junk there. Where do I even start? The golden rule to decluttering is to take one room at a time and this works for your mind as well. Look at one unwanted thing, spend some time there, make peace and let it go. This process requires looking at the ‘hard stuff’ but moving on always requires working with something we don’t want to but in the long run we will be thankful that we did. It is also the only way to let go, make room for the ‘new’ in your life. I have to remind myself of that as well. If you don’t know where to start, here are some tips.

8 Ways To Declutter Your Mind:

Accept what is.

Be kind to yourself.

Release your guilt and fears.

Let go of control.

Visualize what’s important to you.

Focus on your life-force energy.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable.

Find what doesn’t serve or interest you and let it go.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!

Inner Peace

A friend asked me recently, “What do you seek the most?” I couldn’t give him an answer right away. It was a troubling question to say the least. I thought I knew because I had been working on exactly this for months on end but now faced with a direct question and I had no answers or rather I was unsure. I wanted to say “love” but the word that jumped in was “peace.” More specifically, “inner peace.” I think without it nothing else matters. It all boils down to just living for the sake of living.

What is inner peace? According to http://www.calm.com, “Inner peace is a deep state of calm, acceptance and contentment. It means being in harmony with yourself, others, and the world around you. It’s not about eliminating challenges or difficulties but navigating through them with a tranquil and accepting mind.”

Do I have that kind of peace in my life? Truthfully, I’m not sure. I have a tendency to let things rattle me, unnerve me, shake me to the core and kick me off balance. I know I have stress and that is nothing new. Dealing with stress has always been an uphill battle but I’m doing better. However, I still have a long ways to go. The question then arose, how do I go about securing inner peace? The kind that gives me a deep state of calm and paints my world a beautiful shade of pink? The quote below might work.

“Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.” Pema Chodron

Sounds simple enough but let me tell you, it’s a hard one for me. I let people control my feelings, emotions and my reactions and that is the first problem. I needed simpler solutions to a tough question so I decided to go looking and turns out I’ve been doing them already!

Breath it says. Take time out in the day to just breath and let go. I’m learning all kinds of breathing techniques and it is not just about taking a breathe in and expelling it out. The experts have honed breathing to a new high. Breathing has gone high-tech but the original version still works. Try it for a slice of good old-fashioned peace.

Focus is the other technique used to achieve inner peace. Live in the present, embrace it, let it unfold and do not control. Life knows exactly what to do. A really hard one for me as I wanted the answers yesterday!

Meditation is a gold mine and don’t I know it. My early morning and evening meditation practices have worked wonders in my life. I’m calmer, my reaction to unwanted challenges is slower and my mind seems quieter than it used to be. Worth a try if tranquil peace is what you’re searching for. It takes practice to calm that fidgety mind but time and patience will get you there. There is a plus, there is nothing more delicious than unadulterated inner peace.

Nature, connect with it and it will instill peace to the depths of your soul. Something as simple as a walk will take you there. Fresh air and nature’s beauty will clear your mind and you will get a different perspective on life looking at it through nature’s viewpoint. Everything has a time and place, do not rush that is the message.

Practicing gratefulness is a big one. I’ve started practicing this simple concept and my glass went from half empty to actually quite full. Do it often enough and you won’t be lacking anything at all! Too simple? I know. Given time this technique does work because it changes your mindset from negative to a more positive one and we all need that.

If none of the above methods work, do this instead.

“Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.” Robert J. Sawyer

Ever since that question was thrown in my direction, I’ve been thinking about the mindset for inner peace and I have come to the conclusion that all roads lead to “inner peace” first. If you want to have a life free from chaos, disarray and turmoil, work towards inner peace and all the other things will fall into place. Challenges are a part of life both big, small and the daily variety but you can overcome if you focus, work on clearing it and MOVE ON! Standing still in one place for too long would be a big mistake. The Gambler song gives us some tips on how to do exactly that.

If you’re gonna play the game, boy

You gotta learn to play it right.

You’ve got to know when to hold ’em

Know when to fold ’em

Know when to walk away

And know when to run….

Every gambler knows

That the secret to survivin’

Is knowing what to to throw away

And knowin’ what to keep

Those last three lines speak to the matter of inner peace.

Figure it out, have confidence in yourself and HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!

Mean People

Why are some people mean? What is it about them that makes them that way? By mean people, I mean those who love to kick you when you’re down, know your weaknesses and take advantage of them, take pleasure from your pain and say and do whatever is necessary to stop you from making your way out of the hole you’re in. Instead of giving you a helping hand, they would rather push you back in and walk away with a click of their heels, a clap of their hands and say, “Job well done!”

“There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.” Unknown

Are they born that way or is it something about them that makes them the way they are?

According to http://www.psychology.com, “Being mean is a product of insecure self-esteem. Research shows that being insulted makes people more likely to demean others. Freud argued that people cope with negative views of themselves by perceiving other people as having those same traits.”

At first glance, they seem ordinary enough even to the point of being nice but all that dissipates into thin air as time goes on and the relationship progresses. If it’s a friendship, you will see the mask slipping and whoever is hiding behind that mask steps out and you realize that you’ve made a big mistake. The mean streak within takes aim and nothing you do is ever right. Stomping on you is the name of the game and taking knocks at your self-esteem through harsh words or actions is their way of bringing you down to their level. One minute you can do nothing wrong and the next you’re dealing with an enemy. It’s not you, it’s them.

“The good thing about mean people is that you can walk away from them but they are stuck with themselves. I call that karma.” Unknown

Furthermore, their daily existence is dependent on bringing others down which in turn makes them feel better about themselves. You may sense that there is something wrong if there is constant conflict about the smallest of things. The way you act around others becomes a big issue and so does the way you smile, laugh and anything they can pick on they will. Making a mountain out of a molehill is a constant and when the storm passes, you’ll be left wondering and asking, “What just happened?” Nothing. It’s not you, it’s them.

Being mean is a choice and according to http://www.linkedin.com, “We are ALL human and don’t always get it right-no one is perfect and we all behave at less than our best at times. But for the most part, it is a premeditated and selective CHOICE on how we treat others.”

What triggers the meanness? I don’t think it is one particular thing. It could be envy, jealousy, wanting what they can’t have or a whole host of negative internal contributors. No one knows for sure but if you’ve had the unfortunate experience of coming in contact with one or more of these types of people, you know what I’m talking about. It is unpleasant to say the least and it will leave you questioning your own integrity and wondering if you somehow contributed to the unholy rage happening in front of you. It’s not you, it’s them.

Lao Tzu says, “Respond Intelligently even to Unintelligent Treatment.”

Ignore them, walk away, stop all contact, these are some of your options. Rudeness, screaming and shouting doesn’t help because it gives them the ammunition to fire back and that is precisely what they want, an avenue to get back at you. It is all about being mean so turn your back, shutting the door firmly behind you.

If all that doesn’t work, do this instead.

“Don’t let Negative and Toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out.” Zig Ziglar

Nicely put Ziggy, the only problem is if you’re like me, I’ll be wondering if they’ve got a new place to go to!!!

Buddha says, “Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.”

Whatever you choose to do, shut the door and move forward. You’ve got places to go and “nice people” to meet.

The Hard Things

Most of us cringe at the thought of doing the hard things. Be it a break-up, walking away, losing a job and letting go of things that no longer serve us, it is an exceptionally hard thing to do. It is not something we look forward to because it means taking the bull by the horns and waging war on what seems to be an impossible task at first. Given time, patience, perseverance and a hard-headed look at what needs to be done to get to the other side, we find it is doable but not easy.

Easy is not what life is about. If anything, easy is not in its vocabulary. It seems at times that “living” is about going through the hard stuff. Sometimes one and sometimes a string of unsolvable and often times impossible situations but you and I know that it is those hard times and how you deal with it that brings out the strength in you. Sure, it would be easier if we didn’t have to deal with them but when has that stopped life from throwing it our way?

Where would we be without them? Probably having a great time without having to walk through the minefield of the hard stuff all equipped and designed to bring you down to your knees if you make a false move. There is no right or wrong way of going about it, it is trial and error and an undying resilience to take what is handed to you and to make it work for you. We’ve all made those false moves where we’ve crashed and burned and just when you think there is nothing left to do except to pick up the pieces and make the most of it, there is light at the end of the dark tunnel. There is that open door that beckons because as you know when one door closes, another one opens but it is human nature or at least it is mine to look past it and back at the one that has closed and is no longer available.

“Hard things are hard because there are no easy answers or recipes. They are hard because your emotions are at odds with your logic. They are hard because you don’t know the answer and you cannot ask for help without showing weakness.” Ben Horowitz

The hard stuff has kept me captive for longer than I want to admit. Truth is, I don’t do “HARD” well. Holding on is my nemesis, letting go of things that no longer serve me is harder still and moving on, well that is an impossible task at times. I hold on hoping that changes will come my way but it never does. Things happen for a reason, people are the way they are because they are wired that way and looking and hoping is not going to change things. However, whatever life throws your way, there is a lesson in there somewhere but it is hard to see when it first hits you. I think we fail miserably at times because we walk in circles, bang our heads on that closed door and refuse to move on until we are drained of energy and there is nothing else to do but to walk through that open door. Human nature at its best? I think so.

We are fully capable and have the strength within to meet the hard stuff head on and to tame it if necessary. It is the fear of the unknown in sync with the weakness within that works hand-in-hand to stop us in our tracks, makes us tremble where we stand as we whisper, I can’t. You and I have had our baptism by fire in one form or another, of this I am sure. The hard thing is just one more obstacle to overcome, nothing more, nothing less. We tend to make it more than what it is. Life is a never-ending circle of challenges in the form of “hard things” to overcome. It is mixed in with the good stuff but it is the hard stuff that brings forth the real you. Your strength, your power and most of all your ability to slay it where it stands takes courage, growth and an attitude of never giving up which will put the “hard stuff” in its place. Who knows if shown the door more often than not, it might decide to stay away. We can hope can’t we?

“I see your fear, and it’s big. I also see your courage, and it’s bigger. We can do hard things.” Glennon Doyle

Have an amazing day.

Limiting Beliefs

“The only limits that exist are the ones in your own mind.” Unknown

A limiting belief is defined as,”a state of mind or belief about yourself that restricts you in some way. And these beliefs are often false accusations you make about yourself that can cause many negative results. Essentially, they are the lies you tell yourself, and if you allow them to continue, they define you.” http://www.linkedin.com

We all have them and we use them to define who we are as a person and what we are capable of achieving. Most of these beliefs carry negative connotations and they are designed to keep us from moving ahead in life. Here are some of them.

I am not good enough! This one is very familiar at least to yours truly. Quite often, I use this as my mantra to keep me in my rabbit hole. I venture out to take a peek and then I rush back into the hole where I am most comfortable. If I could, I would stay there forever but than again even rabbits come out to play from time to time and to observe life as it passes by. Partake or not, that is up to you. What does, “I’m not good enough,” really mean? It is a mindset that is well-ingrained into your psyche and once it has taken hold, it is next to impossible to get rid off. Perhaps changing the negative to the positive might help. I AM GOOD ENOUGH! Say that often enough and it might just give that not so friendly sod, a heave and a ho and send it packing.

“Limiting Beliefs have one goal…..to keep you from leaving your Comfort Cave so you can’t grow and reach your greatest potential.” Unknown

I don’t have enough time…..this is another crippling lie and it is not true. If you look at the amount of time we waste propped up in front of the TV or sitting hunched over our lap top doing nothing much except to let these two gadgets dictate how we spend our time and nothing more. Truth is, you and I know that we have the time to do better things. We just need to do less of one and more of the things that contribute to our lives and crush those limiting beliefs that keep us from achieving our goals.

The next lie is one that loves to keep you in your place. If only I was taller, prettier, skinnier…..the list goes on and you get the drift. This one is designed to shrink you to 1/2 or a 1/4 of the size you actually are. Each time you repeat and accept this mantra in your head, you see this short, fat and ugly person staring back at you. It is not the reality but one you’ve chosen to accept as your reality. You, no matter what your size, height, weight or looks have just as much to offer this world than the other person. Pat yourself on the back and go conquer the world! I heard a saying once that goes like this. “Walk in like God sent you!”A good one to hold close to your chest and to pull out at those moments when you feel lacking or feeling smaller than you actually are.

Limiting beliefs need constant work. They are not easy to overcome but with time, effort and a conscious effort to defeat them, you’ll find yourself on the other side of the fence, the one that is more positive and forgiving but if nothing helps than perhaps this will.

“Do the uncomfortable. Become comfortable with these acts. Prove to yourself that your limiting beliefs die a quick death if you will simply do what you feel uncomfortable doing.” Darren Rowse

Simplify

A few weeks ago, I wrote about cleaning out my shoe closet, bagging up and getting rid of tons, yes tons of shoes that were taking up space. They were no longer needed because all they were doing was simply staring me in the face and living rent-free in my closet. It was time for them to go. Decision made but it was with a heavy heart that I gave them their freedom. They were free to go light up someone else’s eyes and perhaps more appropriately to go where they were truly needed.

“Fill your life with lots of experiences, not lots of things. Have incredible stories to tell, not incredible clutter in your closets.” Marc and Angel

I think life is simply an accumulation of holding on to things. It is a collection of things taking up space, emotions that surge and thrive on shaky ground and a constant struggle between the two. Clutter helps to shrink your physical space and minimize your mental capabilities. Letting go is hard and for someone like me who holds on for way longer than it is needed, decluttering is an almost impossible task to do.

“Clutter is not just the stuff on your floor – it’s anything that stands between you and the life you want to be living.” Peter Walsh

The problem is you can’t move on when you’re holding on to all that is not needed. There must be a conscious decision and effort to “clean house” meaning letting go of things that no longer serve you. Things and emotions that wear you down, make you lose track of where you need to go, which direction you will have to take to get there and most importantly a decision has to be made to let go, get rid off and open up space maybe for new clutter but the truth is there is no moving forward if you’re standing still. You can’t do both.

“Simplifying your life isn’t just about decluttering your physical space, it’s also about clearing mental and emotional clutter.” Unknown

Understanding that, you’ve got to declutter. Most of us tend to have an iron grip on things that don’t matter and then we wonder why it is so hard to breathe at times or to feel free. If it is not adding value to your life, let it go. If it is just taking up space, dump it. If it makes you feel like you’ve got to do something about it, that’s a clear signal that action is needed.

Focus, declutter, simplify, simplify, simplify. As for people and emotions,

“If your presence can’t add value to my LIFE, your absence will make no difference.” Unknown

Pet Peeves

I have them and I’m sure you have them too. A pet peeve is defined as, “something that a particular person finds especially annoying,” and or is a thing that bugs you every time.

Everybody has one or several pet peeves. Let’s look at some of them.

“I have some road rage inside of me. Traffic, especially in LA., is a pet peeve of mine.” Kathie Holmes

“I don’t have pet peeves like some people. I have whole kennels of irritation.” Whoopi Goldberg

“My biggest pet peeve is inconsiderate people.” Trista Sutter

It is most definitely mine too!

“My pet peeve is hearing a knock on the bathroom door followed by the familiar words, “What are you doing in there?” Karen Scalf Linamen

Just some pet peeves that people find highly annoying. Sometimes that annoying thing we do makes people want to grit their teeth and pull their hair out but the problem is it goes totally unnoticed by the person doing it. They’ve grown accustomed to the annoying things they do that it is a daily way of existence for them and that in itself is the problem. Pet peeves to some may not be the same to others at the other end of the spectrum.

What are some of my pet peeves? I have spent some time thinking about this. Why? Who knows why. I think about things all the time. Perhaps, it’s because I’m a thinker. Anyway, here goes.

The Liar —can’t stand them and can’t tolerate them. They exist in droves and some have made it their life’s work to get away with lies. Let’s see how many lies I can get away with is their mantra. Telling lies is a way of life and the adrenaline rush that follows is what they live for. I am pretty good at spotting lies and liars but it still bugs me to no end.

Tardiness –someone who always shows up late and keeps you waiting for them. I tend to attract these types. Why? No idea, it could be that I’m punctual to a fault and rubbing me up the wrong way is the name of the game. I have a friend who is the complete opposite and she has a big sign plastered on her forehead which says, “Tardy and loving it!” Just kidding but she does make me grit my teeth because meeting up is never fun when she makes it a point to show up 15 to 20 minutes late and the last time, it was 45 minutes! Get rid of her? Believe me, I’ve given it much thought but learning that not everyone is like me. Give it some time, I say.

The Busy Body – Experts say, “what drives someone to become a busybody is an avoidance of their own issues, found deep within their inner psychology. And it doesn’t matter if they’re pointing out something small, like the dog droppings or something bigger. The busybody can really drive you to drink, or point out the drink.” There you have it, an experts viewpoint and I totally agree. Ever had someone poking their nose into everything you do? I have and it is more than annoying. At times I want to scream, “Get a life will you!” More often than not, the friendship fizzles out because dealing with such a person is not only annoying but very very stressful. Or it could be that I’m a Scorpio and we have an aversion to busy bodies. It is supposed to be one of our pet peeves according to the following quote.

“When people can’t mind their own business and always concerned with what you’re doing.” Unknown

There you have it. Three of my pet peeves but I’m sure if I dug deep enough, I can come up with more but it’s Sunday and I’m turning off the switch, the thinking switch that is. Going blank for the rest of the day. Good luck you say, I know what you mean.

Have a great Sunday.

Yesterday Matters

Someone said to me that “yesterday” is not important and what took place there is a part of history never to be repeated again. It is done and dusted and holding on to the pain and memories is just a waste of time and rehashing yesterday over and over again is a mental disaster and needs to be stopped.

I do not fully agree with him. I do agree that yesterday and what happened there is a part of history. It happened, whatever it was, but to recover from the trauma of yesterday, if it was bad, needs time, patience and picking over to gather the good things, sift over the not so important aspects and the last part, learning how not to repeat those mistakes again and to move on with life. It also means learning to let go might take time and it is different with every individual. Some people may be able to let go easily and move on and for others, it might take weeks, months or even years to let go of yesterday. There is no specified time limit, take as long as you need. Yesterday is a learning curve and if used wisely, it helps to make your todays and tomorrows better.

However, it is a big deal because we tend to base our future actions based on our past. Yesterday also helps to define you as a person and in order to create something new, you almost always rely on elements of the past to show and shape what you choose to do or stay away from to create that new reality.

I rely on yesterday to show me the path forward. A conundrum? Actually, I feel and know that yesterday matters. It helps to give voice to my experiences, memories and most importantly the lessons learned. It not only helps to influence who I am as a person today but it most definitely helps to guide my decisions for tomorrow. Yesterday wasn’t always good to me as it is for most of us, there was the good, the bad and the ugly and there are parts that I would definitely want to keep under lock and key and make sure it never sees the light of day again. However, all of it is needed to shape my future and to learn how not to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

I am stronger today because of yesterday. There is a clearer picture of who I am, what I want out of life, who I want to be with and perhaps the most important lesson I have learned from yesterday is what I will stand for and what I won’t. I’ve garnered that strength and knowing from dabbling in my past and from salvaging the good bits. Yesterday is important, it teaches if you’re willing to listen and learn and it matters for a better tomorrow. However, as with everything else in life, give it the balance it deserves but don’t hang on to it as your life line or as if “yesterday” is the only thing that matters.

David Brier explains it this way.

Yesterday is an idea that too many use as a crutch.

Or worse, as an excuse.

Yesterday isn’t here. You can look in the mirror. You won’t see it.

You can grab yesterday and put it on a scale, and you’ll find it weighs nothing.

You grab an empty box, fill it with yesterday and give it to a friend and you’ll find when they open it, it’s empty.

Because yesterday is simply an idea.

Some even use yesterday as “the reason they are XYZ” today.

Yesterday isn’t that powerful that it determines who or what you are today.

YOU have that power.

Unless you give the reigns to an idea. An idea like yesterday matters.

I agree that it is an idea but it is so much more than that isn’t it? It gives shape to your life if used wisely and as a teacher it teaches how to better navigate your life and to make more informed decisions about the future. Therefore, yesterday matters and it is more than an idea in that sense.