personal-development – Page 4

Becoming Your Best Self

I don’t think I am obsessed with becoming my best self but I would like to get halfway there at least. Learning to achieve that goal is not easy because it takes practice and a driven mindset to get there. I am still learning and keeping at it and who knows one day I might say, I did it!

Becoming your best self is not an overnight process and neither does it happen by pressing a button. It doesn’t happen accidentally, it doesn’t happen by chance and it doesn’t happen by waving a magic wand either. It takes action on your part and a commitment to self-discovery and self-development.

“To be your best self you’ll need to first discover who you really are, then maximize your strengths and improve on your weaknesses. You need to completely shift your mindset and take control of your life. When you do, you’ll discover a whole new you.” http://www.tonyrobbins.com

This journey is a hard one. You’ll encounter the good and bad moments, some will be messy and progress will be slow but if you persist and set goals you can achieve anything. Becoming your best self means opening yourself up to challenges, accepting the setbacks and living life to the fullest.

“Prioritize who you are, who you want to be, and don’t spend time with anything that antagonizes your character.” Matthew McConaughey

According to notesbythalia.com, you need to practice wellness daily because it goes hand-in-hand with working towards your best self.

Get at least 7 hours of sleep daily. Move your body as much as you can. Eat well. Build healthy habits. Dedicate time to self-care.

You can’t lay in bed and manifest your dreams. It takes action to succeed. Ask yourself, what is success to you? Set value-driven goals and become “razor-clear on what your future vision looks like.” Align your daily habits with who you want to be and the life you want to live. “Boost your overall health, well-being and productivity,” meaning even your smallest daily actions will determine your future self.

“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” Paulo Coelho

In a nutshell, becoming your best self requires going within to discover the greatness there. It requires strength to bring it to the fore AND it requires courage and hard work to make it shine.

“You are what you believe yourself to be.” Paulo Coelho

Change that mindset from one of negativity to positivity and watch your life take off!

But before you do that:

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, INCLUDING YOU.” Anne Lamont

Then go out and:

BE YOUR VERY BEST SELF!

Have an amazing day.

Self-Talk

It matters how you talk to yourself. The more negatives you can come up with, the deeper down the rabbit hole you go. Positive self-talk is a must if you want a better mindset according to the experts and they do know what they’re talking about. How you see yourself and how you talk to yourself reflects the way you perceive the world around you.

I woke up this morning and immediately started berating myself for all the things I could have done better yesterday. I told myself I could have handled the situation better but didn’t so it was time to beat myself down. Talking down to yourself is a norm for most people and it only helps to create more negativity as it reflects back on who you are not. Let’s change that mindset. Here are some quotes to help you get there.

“Watch what you tell yourself, you’re likely to believe it.” Russ Kyle

“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.” Brene Brown

“The way you choose to think and speak about yourself (to yourself and others),

IS A CHOICE!

You may have spent your whole life talking about yourself in a negative way, but that doesn’t mean you have to continue that path.” Miya Yamanouchi

“Self-talk is the most powerful form of communication because it either empowers you or it defeats you.” Unknown

“Everything you tell yourself matters. It will either lift you up or tear you down. It’s your voice and your choice.” Unknown

“When it’s hardest, remind yourself of these things: I am okay, even if it hurts so bad. I am strong, even if I don’t feel like it. I am doing my best, and that is more than enough.” Nicole Marie B

“Turn off any self-talk that tells you that you are destined to live a small life. YOU’RE NOT.”

In order to get to positive self-talk, there are a few things you need to give up. Stop the negative self-talk in your head. Stop doubting yourself because you are fully capable of achieving whatever you want to. Get rid of the fear of failure and if you fail so what, get up and do it again until you succeed. Lastly, but perhaps just as important, stop people pleasing. You don’t have to kowtow to anyone. Be your own person and that is enough. What they think of you is none of your business.

“It’s not what we say out loud that really determines our lives. It’s what we whisper to ourselves that has the most power.”

If all else fails, do this instead:

“Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and SHUT UP!” Ann Bradford

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY.

Rejections

“Rejection is when we seek out a connection and the object of that connection turns us down. All people experience forms of rejection throughout their lives, whether they are turned down for a job they wanted, turned down for a date, or experience a friend or romantic partner ending their relationship.” http://www.verywellmind.com

It can be a no for a job interview, no when asked out on a date or no to a relationship, however, it is not a one rejection fits all kind of thing. There are different circumstances but they have one thing in common, they all have a negative connotation and that is the connection that binds each and every rejection. It is painful and it quite often affects your self-esteem and chips away at your self-confidence depending on the type of rejection and how cruel or mean the rejection was.

“Rejection is a common occurence. Learning that early and often will help you build up the tolerance and resistance to keep going and keep trying.” Kevin Feice

Not being picked for a job might seem traumatic and it may cause emotional or physical distress. Social rejections are just as upsetting. Getting turned down on a date or a sudden breakup could cause turmoil or upheaval in a person’s life. Or if someone doesn’t want to be your friend, that can be especially painful.

“REJECTION doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough; it means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer.” Unknown

How do you deal with rejections? Perhaps by remembering:

“Every no brings you closer to a yes.” Unknown

If that doesn’t work, here are some tips from the people in the know. According to verywellmind.com, healthy ways of dealing with rejection is to let go of blame. Learn from it and approach it with a positive mindset and say it will be better the next time around and there is always a next time. Feel your emotions and don’t bottle them up. If you need to let it out, LET IT OUT!

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” Winston Churchill

There are unhealthy ways of dealing with it as well and we all know what those are, don’t we?

Taking a rejection personally and beating ourselves down with it is one way not to do it. Comparing ourselves to others is definitely not the way to go. Downplaying your feelings is not a good option but the most important point is to NEVER GIVE UP!

Rejections take all forms but learning to deal with them without letting it gnaw at your soul takes practice, patience and a positive mindset. Sure, you can’t just brush it off like water off a duck’s back because it has a tendency to go deeper but learning the right methods to deal with it means you are armed and ready to conquer anything even something as nasty as a rejection or two. And if someone rejects you, the quote below brought a smile to my face, hope it does to yours.

“Don’t feel BAD if someone REJECTS you, PEOPLE usually reject EXPENSIVE things because they can’t AFFORD THEM.”

One way of looking at it!

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!

Mean People

Why are some people mean? What is it about them that makes them that way? By mean people, I mean those who love to kick you when you’re down, know your weaknesses and take advantage of them, take pleasure from your pain and say and do whatever is necessary to stop you from making your way out of the hole you’re in. Instead of giving you a helping hand, they would rather push you back in and walk away with a click of their heels, a clap of their hands and say, “Job well done!”

“There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.” Unknown

Are they born that way or is it something about them that makes them the way they are?

According to http://www.psychology.com, “Being mean is a product of insecure self-esteem. Research shows that being insulted makes people more likely to demean others. Freud argued that people cope with negative views of themselves by perceiving other people as having those same traits.”

At first glance, they seem ordinary enough even to the point of being nice but all that dissipates into thin air as time goes on and the relationship progresses. If it’s a friendship, you will see the mask slipping and whoever is hiding behind that mask steps out and you realize that you’ve made a big mistake. The mean streak within takes aim and nothing you do is ever right. Stomping on you is the name of the game and taking knocks at your self-esteem through harsh words or actions is their way of bringing you down to their level. One minute you can do nothing wrong and the next you’re dealing with an enemy. It’s not you, it’s them.

“The good thing about mean people is that you can walk away from them but they are stuck with themselves. I call that karma.” Unknown

Furthermore, their daily existence is dependent on bringing others down which in turn makes them feel better about themselves. You may sense that there is something wrong if there is constant conflict about the smallest of things. The way you act around others becomes a big issue and so does the way you smile, laugh and anything they can pick on they will. Making a mountain out of a molehill is a constant and when the storm passes, you’ll be left wondering and asking, “What just happened?” Nothing. It’s not you, it’s them.

Being mean is a choice and according to http://www.linkedin.com, “We are ALL human and don’t always get it right-no one is perfect and we all behave at less than our best at times. But for the most part, it is a premeditated and selective CHOICE on how we treat others.”

What triggers the meanness? I don’t think it is one particular thing. It could be envy, jealousy, wanting what they can’t have or a whole host of negative internal contributors. No one knows for sure but if you’ve had the unfortunate experience of coming in contact with one or more of these types of people, you know what I’m talking about. It is unpleasant to say the least and it will leave you questioning your own integrity and wondering if you somehow contributed to the unholy rage happening in front of you. It’s not you, it’s them.

Lao Tzu says, “Respond Intelligently even to Unintelligent Treatment.”

Ignore them, walk away, stop all contact, these are some of your options. Rudeness, screaming and shouting doesn’t help because it gives them the ammunition to fire back and that is precisely what they want, an avenue to get back at you. It is all about being mean so turn your back, shutting the door firmly behind you.

If all that doesn’t work, do this instead.

“Don’t let Negative and Toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out.” Zig Ziglar

Nicely put Ziggy, the only problem is if you’re like me, I’ll be wondering if they’ve got a new place to go to!!!

Buddha says, “Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.”

Whatever you choose to do, shut the door and move forward. You’ve got places to go and “nice people” to meet.

Limiting Beliefs

“The only limits that exist are the ones in your own mind.” Unknown

A limiting belief is defined as,”a state of mind or belief about yourself that restricts you in some way. And these beliefs are often false accusations you make about yourself that can cause many negative results. Essentially, they are the lies you tell yourself, and if you allow them to continue, they define you.” http://www.linkedin.com

We all have them and we use them to define who we are as a person and what we are capable of achieving. Most of these beliefs carry negative connotations and they are designed to keep us from moving ahead in life. Here are some of them.

I am not good enough! This one is very familiar at least to yours truly. Quite often, I use this as my mantra to keep me in my rabbit hole. I venture out to take a peek and then I rush back into the hole where I am most comfortable. If I could, I would stay there forever but than again even rabbits come out to play from time to time and to observe life as it passes by. Partake or not, that is up to you. What does, “I’m not good enough,” really mean? It is a mindset that is well-ingrained into your psyche and once it has taken hold, it is next to impossible to get rid off. Perhaps changing the negative to the positive might help. I AM GOOD ENOUGH! Say that often enough and it might just give that not so friendly sod, a heave and a ho and send it packing.

“Limiting Beliefs have one goal…..to keep you from leaving your Comfort Cave so you can’t grow and reach your greatest potential.” Unknown

I don’t have enough time…..this is another crippling lie and it is not true. If you look at the amount of time we waste propped up in front of the TV or sitting hunched over our lap top doing nothing much except to let these two gadgets dictate how we spend our time and nothing more. Truth is, you and I know that we have the time to do better things. We just need to do less of one and more of the things that contribute to our lives and crush those limiting beliefs that keep us from achieving our goals.

The next lie is one that loves to keep you in your place. If only I was taller, prettier, skinnier…..the list goes on and you get the drift. This one is designed to shrink you to 1/2 or a 1/4 of the size you actually are. Each time you repeat and accept this mantra in your head, you see this short, fat and ugly person staring back at you. It is not the reality but one you’ve chosen to accept as your reality. You, no matter what your size, height, weight or looks have just as much to offer this world than the other person. Pat yourself on the back and go conquer the world! I heard a saying once that goes like this. “Walk in like God sent you!”A good one to hold close to your chest and to pull out at those moments when you feel lacking or feeling smaller than you actually are.

Limiting beliefs need constant work. They are not easy to overcome but with time, effort and a conscious effort to defeat them, you’ll find yourself on the other side of the fence, the one that is more positive and forgiving but if nothing helps than perhaps this will.

“Do the uncomfortable. Become comfortable with these acts. Prove to yourself that your limiting beliefs die a quick death if you will simply do what you feel uncomfortable doing.” Darren Rowse

Flexibility

“We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.” Unknown

If you are strong-willed like I am, this is a hard one to stomach or swallow. I think I’m as stiff as a rod when it comes to being flexible. I can bend and sway with the best of them but changing what I am accustomed to is a hard ask and it doesn’t happen easily for me. It takes a very long time. You can drag me to the water but making me drink is another thing altogether!

“True flexibility can only be achieved through constant adaptation to new circumstances.” Janna Cachola

Deepak Chopra says, “Flexibility opens infinite possibilities, rigidity closes them.”

And that right there is my problem. I am set in my ways and instead of adapting to changes, I usually want to control the situation hoping it will stay the same because adaptation in all its forms means accepting the inevitable and moving on and that is a hard thing to do. It doesn’t matter if “change” would bring about something better. I see it as this unknown monster that needs slaying in order to start anew and that is frightening to say the least.

I have to learn that, “Being flexible means not reacting but actively adjusting to life’s twists and turns. Face the unexpected with resilience, and every challenge becomes an opportunity.” Unknown

It’s not that I am a novice at adjusting to life’s twists and turns. I’ve had more than my share of it but each time something unforeseen happens and I’m left to stare change in the face, I pull back, run to the corner yelling, “Go Away! Leave Me Alone! Not You Again!”

Unfortunately, moving on and accepting changes is what life is all about isn’t it? Nothing remains the same forever, well maybe death but even then there are grey areas. So my next goal is to work with “flexibility” and embrace it as much as I can but not become best friends with it. I don’t want it showing up at my front door too often but when it does I will be gracious and in so doing, I hope it will leave me in peace!

“How strange that the grass is all that remains standing after the storm,” said the Boy.

“Sometimes being soft is strong,” said the Rabbit.

Flexibility is needed to go up against life’s challenges and change is often the result. Acceptance is the next step and moving on is inevitable. That said, flexibility is needed not to direct the wind, that is an impossible task, but to tweak it to where it is manageable and that folks takes many many lessons to learn. I know I’ll never be perfect at it, nothing in life ever is but I’m learning to stand my ground and to bend with resilience and to bounce back when necessary.

“Bamboo is flexible, bending with the wind but never breaking, capable of adapting to any circumstance. It suggests resilience, meaning that we have the ability to bounce back even from the most difficult times.” Ping Fu

Here’s to flexibility, you’re not my best friend but I hope you’ll be gentle with me the next time you come around.