I don’t think I am obsessed with becoming my best self but I would like to get halfway there at least. Learning to achieve that goal is not easy because it takes practice and a driven mindset to get there. I am still learning and keeping at it and who knows one day I might say, I did it!
Becoming your best self is not an overnight process and neither does it happen by pressing a button. It doesn’t happen accidentally, it doesn’t happen by chance and it doesn’t happen by waving a magic wand either. It takes action on your part and a commitment to self-discovery and self-development.
“To be your best self you’ll need to first discover who you really are, then maximize your strengths and improve on your weaknesses. You need to completely shift your mindset and take control of your life. When you do, you’ll discover a whole new you.” http://www.tonyrobbins.com
This journey is a hard one. You’ll encounter the good and bad moments, some will be messy and progress will be slow but if you persist and set goals you can achieve anything. Becoming your best self means opening yourself up to challenges, accepting the setbacks and living life to the fullest.
“Prioritize who you are, who you want to be, and don’t spend time with anything that antagonizes your character.” Matthew McConaughey
According to notesbythalia.com, you need to practice wellness daily because it goes hand-in-hand with working towards your best self.
Get at least 7 hours of sleep daily. Move your body as much as you can. Eat well. Build healthy habits. Dedicate time to self-care.
You can’t lay in bed and manifest your dreams. It takes action to succeed. Ask yourself, what is success to you? Set value-driven goals and become “razor-clear on what your future vision looks like.” Align your daily habits with who you want to be and the life you want to live. “Boost your overall health, well-being and productivity,” meaning even your smallest daily actions will determine your future self.
“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” Paulo Coelho
In a nutshell, becoming your best self requires going within to discover the greatness there. It requires strength to bring it to the fore AND it requires courage and hard work to make it shine.
“You are what you believe yourself to be.” Paulo Coelho
Change that mindset from one of negativity to positivity and watch your life take off!
But before you do that:
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, INCLUDING YOU.” Anne Lamont
It was a nice walk as usual but only this time, I was bundled up against the bitter cold in a thick jacket complete with fur-lined boots on my feet. Unfortunately, I had forgotten my gloves in my rush to get out the door this morning. It was a big mistake because it was icy cold and my hands needed warmth fast! I shoved them into my jacket to keep them warm and continued on walking.
Winter was here even though it was still fall according to the weather forecast. Looking at the trees, I noticed that they had lost their golden glow. Some branches were bare to the bone and others still had a few leaves hanging on them for dear life. They were fighting a losing battle against the cold wind which was unrelenting and with every sweep, it sent the remaining leaves gliding softly to the ground. It was just a matter of time before the trees would stand unclothed and wait for Mother Nature to clothe them again. It will happen like clockwork and they knew they had nothing to worry about. All in good time.
Looking out into the distance all was quiet. It was grey and foggy and nothing seemed to be moving except for the crows gathering in the fields like they were meeting for a convention of some kind. God only knows what they were going on about but that raucous crowing was unsettling to say the least. Just then, I noticed movement past them and saw something unfamiliar. They were standing still like statues, their long beaks pointed to nothing in particular and the crows didn’t seem to bother them. I was fascinated and kept my eyes focused on them. They were migratory birds of some kind but not something I am familiar with. Movement did not seem to be their forte and silence and stillness seemed to be.
I kept on walking on the path I was on with my eyes trained on those strange birds. Suddenly, I felt a deep searing pain shoot up my right ankle and it stopped me in my tracks. I had stepped on a large rock and twisted my ankle! Fearing the worst, I moved my ankle gingerly and it seemed to be alright. I didn’t want to walk home limping all the way and neither did I want to wait for help to come get me! Luckily for me, everything seemed to be fine as I took a few steps to test my foot and moved on with no problems.
The path I was on was strewn with big and small rocks. Some places were still holding mud and others dry and some a straight shot with nothing to worry about if you looked carefully before taking your next step. You’ve heard the saying, “Curiosity killed the cat?” Well, it didn’t kill me today but my pre-occupation with something in the distance had almost caused a foot injury and it could have been a serious one.
We do that a lot don’t we? Instead of keeping our eyes focused on the here and now or in front of us, we veer off when something catches our attention and we lose sight of where we should be going. It might take a few seconds or a few minutes but that is all it takes sometimes to make one false move and to land on our backs or in this case with a sprained ankle. Luckily that didn’t happen this time. A lesson learned and one that will teach me to keep my focus in front of me and to not get distracted every time something catches my attention.
Walking back deep in thought, I was thankful that I was able to with no pain. Pulling my jacket closer around me as the wind kissed my almost frozen nose, I made it home in one piece and ready for a well-deserved cup of hot coffee. The birds are still on my mind but that is for another day.
Just like that….it is over. The feelings and emotions crowding your mind and raging through your body are almost too much to bear. Disbelief, anger, sadness, numbness, confusion and rage could be some of the emotions taking hold and letting go gracefully is the last thing on your mind.
It is a normal reaction. Give it time to settle down even if it feels like it never will right now. It is done for, so let it go gracefully.
“The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let the dead things go.” Unknown
It is not easy to let go and it is downright scary. Suddenly it becomes real and very uncomfortable. Most of us look at it as a relationship ending and there is a mad scramble within to want to save what can’t be saved. What went wrong is the first question that comes to mind. The more pertinent question is, does it even matter? Crying over split milk is a lost cause and venting over lost time and energy even more so. Consider it a sunk cost and take steps to move on.
Did I neglect his needs, wants and feelings?
Did he neglect mine?
What led to the breakup?
Did he fall into me or was I the one doing the chasing running circles around him?
Did he hurt me intentionally? There is a difference between hurting someone and hurting someone intentionally. The latter is done with total disrespect knowing full well that the action taken will have repercussions and not of the nice kind.
More importantly, how much of what I didn’t want, did I tolerate?
The answers coming back could be eye-openers because, as women, we tend to have blinders on when it comes to love and relationships. What we wouldn’t tolerate normally are the very things we are quick to disregard when it comes to that special person in our life.
“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” Unknown
Letting go is a grieving process. You’ll have to go through the grieving to get to the other side. There are five steps to the process. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. There is a quote that goes like this:
“The buffalo is the only animal that runs into a storm rather than away from it.”
Why? It’s because, “they instinctively know that walking into a storm will get them out of the weather quicker, despite knowing they’ll suffer more up front.” Face your problems head-on with courage and determination and by spending time there instead of ignoring them you will be able to move past them more quickly and effectively.
However, if you don’t want to do all five of the grieving techniques, accept what has happened, don’t ponder too much on why it happened but know that sometimes:
“Not all storms come to disrupt your life. Some come to clear your path.” Unknown
AND
“Some things break your heart but fix your vision.” Unknown
Let go gracefully and walk away with your dignity intact. Smile even if it hurts and turn the switch off. It is done for now and you’ll be fine.
Grinning Orange Jesus and convicted felon Trump has managed to walk on water and has made it to the other side powered on by the help of his followers and the “hot air” promises” that he made.
Here are some of those promises:
His first order as President on Day 1 would be “to begin the largest deportationoperation in America history.”
How he plans to do that is all up in the air as America is a democracy and not a dictatorship, but hey who cares right?!!
On the very same day, he will “terminate every single open border policy of the Biden-Harris administration, and we will seal the border.”
It didn’t work the first time he tried that by banning people coming in from Muslim countries, because of legal and human rights issues so why should it now? Just lots more hot air and big talk from the grinning MAGA giant and now, President Elect.
“We will end inflation and make America affordable again.”
No specifics as to how he plans to do that and since inflation has been down, the man knows not what he is talking about!
“I will revoke China’s most favored nation status.”
Hmm….another “no go” zone not without repercussions anyway. Just more “hot air” from an aging and not all there man of the hour!
“I will not cut one penny from Social Security or Medicare.”
This promise has no plan backing it so no plan and no action equates to cutting benefits!
Just some of Trump’s empty promises made to impress and to bag the presidency and unbelievably “people” bought into it. Just goes to show intelligence is not based on IQ, not the dumb kind anyway. Truth and integrity doesn’t always win out BUT rage, revenge and ME! ME! ME! sure DOES!
Narcissism is defined as an “extreme self-involvement to the degree that it makes a person ignore the needs of those around them. True narcissists frequently disregard others or their feelings and they do not understand the effect their behavior has on other people.” http://www.webmd.com
Narcissistic personality disorder is considered a mental health condition and it is characterized by a life-long pattern of exaggerated self-importance. It is a pattern of behavior that is often destructive to the people around them. These are self-centeredness, arrogance, lack of empathy, inconsideration for other people and inflated self-importance. Narcissists can be manipulative, selfish and they display a sense of entitlement.
“When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, there is always a whole secret life going on behind your back.” Unknown
A narcissist moves to a different drumbeat, one of their own making. Rules and conventions do not apply to them and if it did, do not expect it to last very long. It lasts only if you accept them on their terms. There is no compromise. Falling in love is a knee-jerk reaction for the narcissist, the emphasis here being on JERK!”
“Narcissistic personality disorder is the only mental condition where the patient is left alone but everyone else needs treatment.” Unknown
They’ll keep the facade going as long as it suits them. Yes, they can play the “nice guy” but only if everything goes according to their plan. If it doesn’t the gloves are off and the real person steps out, someone you never knew was hiding behind the mask they had been wearing.
Narcissist:
“(n): a more polite term for a self-serving manipulative, evil jerk with no soul and compassion.”
If the relationship doesn’t work out like they wanted which is all to their benefit, they’ll move on in a heartbeat without so much as a goodbye because their next victim is already on the line. They will show no remorse, compassion or empathy because they have none to offer. Their feelings only run knee-deep like their emotions. They will lie, cheat, stand on their head and declare on the Bible that it is the absolute truth and nothing but the truth in order to make you question your sanity because that is how they work. It is a form of psychological and emotional abuse all to the detriment of the victim. It often leads to anxiety and stress disorders. Unfortunately, it is hard to recognize a narcissist when approached by one because they don’t have a sign on their forehead which says, “I AM A NARCISSIST! Please beware.” Life would be easier if they did but there is none. You learn from your mistakes and hopefully the damage is minimal.
It matters how you talk to yourself. The more negatives you can come up with, the deeper down the rabbit hole you go. Positive self-talk is a must if you want a better mindset according to the experts and they do know what they’re talking about. How you see yourself and how you talk to yourself reflects the way you perceive the world around you.
I woke up this morning and immediately started berating myself for all the things I could have done better yesterday. I told myself I could have handled the situation better but didn’t so it was time to beat myself down. Talking down to yourself is a norm for most people and it only helps to create more negativity as it reflects back on who you are not. Let’s change that mindset. Here are some quotes to help you get there.
“Watch what you tell yourself, you’re likely to believe it.” Russ Kyle
“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.” Brene Brown
“The way you choose to think and speak about yourself (to yourself and others),
IS A CHOICE!
You may have spent your whole life talking about yourself in a negative way, but that doesn’t mean you have to continue that path.” Miya Yamanouchi
“Self-talk is the most powerful form of communication because it either empowers you or it defeats you.” Unknown
“Everything you tell yourself matters. It will either lift you up or tear you down. It’s your voice and your choice.” Unknown
“When it’s hardest, remind yourself of these things: I am okay, even if it hurts so bad. I am strong, even if I don’t feel like it. I am doing my best, and that is more than enough.” Nicole Marie B
“Turn off any self-talk that tells you that you are destined to live a small life. YOU’RE NOT.”
In order to get to positive self-talk, there are a few things you need to give up. Stop the negative self-talk in your head. Stop doubting yourself because you are fully capable of achieving whatever you want to. Get rid of the fear of failure and if you fail so what, get up and do it again until you succeed. Lastly, but perhaps just as important, stop people pleasing. You don’t have to kowtow to anyone. Be your own person and that is enough. What they think of you is none of your business.
“It’s not what we say out loud that really determines our lives. It’s what we whisper to ourselves that has the most power.”
If all else fails, do this instead:
“Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and SHUT UP!” Ann Bradford
According to the Collins Dictionary, it is defined as “not showing or done with due care for the consequences of one’s actions or attitudes.”
Basically it points to reckless behavior with no thought for the well-being of someone else and not thinking or worrying about the possible results of said actions. It often stems from a lack of self-discipline amongst other things.
“An irresponsible person has no consideration for others.” Unknown
I have put up with irresponsible behavior for most of my life. I think many of us do. We are known as enablers. We do not hold people accountable for their actions but instead make excuses for them so that they can continue on their merry way wrecking havoc as they go along their path of no consequences and move on with no accountability. One can say, the path to hell is often littered with irresponsible behavior.
“Enabling is a significant part of a codependent relationship. It involves supporting the unhealthy behaviors of someone through action or inaction.” Nedra Glover Tawab
It is a sort of give and take so to speak but only in this case you wind up giving more than you’ll ever receive.
Case in Point:
I have a so-called friend who takes irresponsible behavior to a new high. Let’s just say she walks to her own drumbeat one of no consequences AND recklessness should have been her middle name. Anyway, I’ve enabled some of that behavior by putting up with her actions. It has been mostly showing up late for appointments. In the beginning, it was five or ten minutes late. No big deal right? Now, it has escalated to 30 minutes with a stop to do some shopping in between before she arrives with a smile on her face and no apology whatsoever. Still I let it go. Yes, “enabler” should have been my middle name!
However, what she pulled this past week has brought me to a screeching halt and it is time to step back and re-evaluate the situation.
I was invited to her place for coffee and breakfast. I told her I would bring the bread rolls and she said, “Looking forward to it.” I was looking forward to some girl talk and a nice breakfast in a quiet atmosphere and I got both but with an unexpected guest! I showed up at the stipulated time bread rolls in hand. By the way, you can add, “Ms. Punctuality” to my last name! Anyway, she walks to the gate, we exchange pleasantries and walk to the front door. Still nothing was said. She opens the door, I step inside and she turns around and says, “I’ve been sick, very sick.” I stop in my tracks all alarm bells going off. I ask, “What with?”
She says, “Everything!”
Me: “What do you mean everything?”
She answers, “COVID!”
Me, croaking, “When did it start?”
She says nonchalantly, “It started last Thursday.”
Now, I am not good at Math but even I could figure out that it was less than a week ago! I was in the house with all windows and doors closed. Not only was there no means of escape but the bacteria or rather the virus was getting ready to pounce on me!
I could see that the table was set for breakfast. What should I do? Should I flee? Should I tell her that this is irresponsible behavior of the highest form? She says, “Let’s make some eggs.”
I mumbled, “No, I don’t want eggs thanks,” feeling like the sheep being led to the slaughter. Then she says, “I did the test this morning, it showed one stroke which means I am ok.” I wanted to scream, “I don’t bloody well care!” Did I tell you I am a hypochondriac as well?
It went downhill from there. I had a cup of coffee probably tinged with bacteria. I refused the ham and cheese and had 1/2 a break roll with some butter and marmalade all the time thinking, “It doesn’t matter, I’m going to die anyway!!” I stayed for an hour, yes an hour because of the “enabler” issue and also because leaving any sooner would have been rude on my part. The conversation was stunted to say the least and I tolerated the coughing which was part and parcel of this breakfast date. When I finally got out into the fresh air, I took big gulps as if that was going to stop the virus that was making headway into my system shouting gleefully, “Another one bites the dust!”
It has been four days since and I’ve been downing tea laced with Moringa and spiked with lemon and doing an extra dose of meditation everyday. So far, so good. I googled the incubation period and it says 2-14 days after exposure to the virus! Lord, have mercy!
“Two things I can’t stand – Irresponsible behavior and Disloyalty.” Unknown
Emotionally irresponsible behavior is another form of irresponsible behavior. This one points to an “individual who lacks empathy for a loved one, and one who is frequently insensitive to those whom he or she is closest to.”
I’ve enabled such behavior not once, not twice but more times than I can count on my fingers. To make a long story short, such partners lack the ability to accept responsibility, they lack empathy, they have a fear of commitment, everything is about them, conversations are usually one-sided, they avoid relationship discussions and last but not least, YOU feel alone in the relationship. One such example is a narcissist. A narcissist is an emotionally immature person who often displays all of the symptoms of emotionally irresponsible behavior. They are self-preoccupied and they are “perfect” in their own eyes.
How do you deal with such people. Dr. Henry Cloud has some suggestions as far as “Name Your Boundaries” and standing by them.
I will not allow myself to be constantly criticized or infected with toxic emotional treatment that damages me. If the situation cannot be resolved, I will not expose myself to it.
I will not allow myself to be yelled at or be verbally abused. If that happens, I will distance myself from the relationship until it stops.
I will not allow myself to trust a liar or a cheat. The lying must stop before I trust the person again.
I will not take responsibility for the irresponsible behavior of others.
I will not tolerate any abuse of any kind.
AND MY OWN:
I will not let anyone treat me as if I don’t matter!
I feel a cough and a headache coming on. Time to Google again!
Mandy Hale is a blogger turned New York Times bestselling author and speaker. She is also the creator of the Social Media movement, “The Single Woman.” Mandy has made a name for herself by empowering women with her quotes that speak to the heart of the matter. However, the self-help relationship guru remarried her toxic/narcissist ex who broke her heart many times over. She has written many books and articles about the emotional abuse and betrayals she suffered in that relationship. So WHY go back to him? Nobody knows for sure but ‘love’ does work in mysterious ways and sometimes to the detriment of ‘SELF’ and all that matters! It doesn’t change the power her quotes have to change your mindset. Here are some of them to get your day started.
“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake to help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.”
“Don’t waste words on people who deserve your silence. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.”
“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go and see what happens.”
“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.”
“Sometimes you have to move on without certain people. If they’re meant to be in your life, they’ll catch up.”
“You’re beautiful, just the way you are. Shine on, and dare anyone to turn off your lights.”
“Never forget that walking away from something unhealthy is BRAVE, even if you stumble a little on your way out the door.”
“Just be yourself. Let people see the real imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful, magical person that you are.”
“Learn to be alone and to like it. There is nothing more freeing and empowering than learning to like your own company.”
My favorite:
You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. (This is a hard one for me.) Dance as though everybody is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.
It’s that time of year again when Scorpios get to flaunt their Zodiac sign. Did you know that Scorpio is a powerful sign? I didn’t but according to ZODIACSCOPE it is.
It is reputed to be the “most powerful” sign of the zodiac. Scorpios lead fate filled lives and have intense and dramatic personal relationships. Even as children Scorpios are often found to be wise beyond their years. Many astrologers call this the sign of the “oldest souls.” Old and wise beyond the average. Scorpios often know all the answers, except sometimes; they too often have difficulty finding what they need to develop their own happiness.”
I tend to agree with that “old soul” part but my mom had a better explanation. She put this way. “You’re a true blue Scorpio. You can take a lot more than most people but when your back is up against the wall, you come out swinging with that sting front and center!” I am sure there is a compliment in there somewhere.
“Treat a Scorpio well and they’ll move mountains to make you happy. Hurt them and they’ll drop those mountains on your head.” Unknown
We are known for being passionate, for having a magnetic presence and a never give up mindset. Scorpios are also dependable, loyal and intuitive and it’s that last part you need to worry about because we can read you like a book! According to Montufar, an astrologer and a Scorpio herself, we have a certain “charisma, sexiness , or je nais se quois that attracts other people. We make incredible therapists” because we can connect on a deeper level. She further adds, “Whenever a Scorpio wants something, they’ll get it. However, Scorpios don’t fall in love easily” and I can attest to that but when we do we look for long-term rather than the wham bam thank you ma’am variety. Scorpio women are not afraid to speak their mind either so here are a few terms you need to know to survive a relationship with a Scorpio:
5 Deadly Terms Used By Scorpio Women
#1 Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is right and you need to shut up.
#2 Nothing
Means something and you need to be worried.
#3 Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DO NOT DO IT!
#4 Whatever
A women’s way of saying “Screw You.”
#5 That’s OK
She is thinking long and hard on how and when you will pay for your mistake.
BONUS WORD: WOW!
This is not a compliment, she’s amazed that one person could be so stupid.
Moving on…Scorpios have a way about them which is hard to understand. They are fiercely independent but deeply emotional and sensitive as well. They make the most loyal friends and partners but if you cross them or show them disrespect better beware. They lay in wait like their symbol the scorpion and strike when the time is right. They tend to be secretive that’s because they are summing things up and observation seems to be their strong point. Yes, they can be stubborn like a mule at times too! In romantic relationships they prefer serious commitments but they are all-or-nothing where romance is concerned. You don’t get to play around with a Scorpio.
“If you ever meet one you’ll know it. If you ever love one you’ll never forget it, if you ever hurt one they’ll never let you forget it.” Unknown
According to yourtango.com “Scorpios are not “crazy,” but they are super-sensitive, extremely emotional and very expressive,” but if you hurt them a “Scorpio might cry and sob and need a shoulder to cry on – or they might drag you out back, slit your throat and wear your skin to make themselves feel better.” She says she is just joking or maybe not.
OR
“Throw me to the wolves, and I’ll be back leading the pack.” Unknown
Did I tell you that we are ambitious as well? Now, you know.
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