All I can share with you is that I don’t remember much about it. I know that my parents had been trying for a very long time and were about to give up when I came along. Needless to say, I turned their world upside down in more ways than one!
I was the proverbial tomboy. Mom wanted a “lady” in the making but she got the total opposite! I loved playing around in mud and singing with the ducks! Anything the boys could do, I can do better and that was my motto. I kept true to that until I turned 16 and I blossomed and became the Belle of the Ball so to speak. They (the boys) never looked at me the same way again!
I think I was a blessing but I put my parents through a hard time. Those days are done with but a little rebellion still remains!
I received this message from WordPress this morning and it put a great big smile on my face.
Writing is my first love. I started writing when I was 16 and the article made the front cover of a national magazine. I was over the moon. Since then, I have written and published thousands of articles.
It is my go-to to get my feelings down on paper and it helps to slay the stress monster as well. I just love writing about anything that comes to mind but mostly about injustice in today’s world and about life as a whole.
I want to thank all the people here who read and like my articles. It is appreciated. I am getting to know some of you better through your writings and there are some fantastic writers, poets, romantics and the like here. Thank you all.
I took a walk in nature today to clear my mind and somehow came back home with love on my mind. What is it? Is it just a feeling or something more? Don’t ask me why or how I got on this topic but it crossed my mind and here I am ready to see what it’s all about it.
“Love is a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion, and commitment. It involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection and trust.” http://www.verywellmind.com
I decided to look a little deeper and found some quotes that describe love in all its entirety and here are some of my favorites.
“So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.” Paulo Coelho
Paulo has a way with words and in the most romantic way. I’m still waiting to see what the universe has conspired for me.
“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times.” Ann Landers
I like the next one a lot. Why? Because I am a romantic at heart and it speaks to my soul. See what I mean?
“Love is when he gives you a piece of your soul, that you never knew was missing.” Torquato Tasso
“I don’t want a perfect person. I just want someone to act silly with, someone who treats me well and loves being with me more than anything.” Unknown
“You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.” Oscar Wilde
Oscar said it well, don’t you think? Simply beautiful but I haven’t found him yet. Still looking!
“The real lover is a man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space.” Marilyn Monroe
Who knew Ms. Monroe had it in her. The blonde bombshell went deeper than her looks and I love that quote.
Next is my girl, Carrie Bradshaw. She knows her love material well.
“I am someone who is looking for real love; ridiculous. inconvenient. consuming. can’t-live-without-each other love.”
“I’d like to think that people have more than one soulmate. If you miss one, along comes another. Like cabs.”
I am not too sure about that one. Perhaps they won’t be called soulmates anymore. Just run of the mill types who walk in and out of your life and that might be a more appropriate description.
My favorite of them all is this one below.
“The heart that’s meant to love you will fight for you when you want to give up, pick you up when you’re feeling down, and will give their smile when it’s hard for you to find yours. They will NEVER get strength from seeing you weak, power from seeing you hurt, or joy from seeing you cry. The heart that’s meant to love you wants to see the best of you, not the hurt you! Never forget that.” Trent Shelton
Feeling all loved up? I know I am. Enjoy your day.
It was a night like any other or at least it started out that way. Chachi did his nighttime routine of eating, drinking, using the toilet and cleaning himself. All was calm in this household and I thought I was going to have a quiet and peaceful night. I thought wrong because the guy that wears the pants in this house had other plans!
First, he did the catwalk. Yes, the catwalk where he has this John Wayne stride and the only missing is his holster with the gun in it. I usually find it entertaining but not tonight. It went on and on. He would walk up to me, his back stretched out as he took one long stride after another and once he reached me, he would look me in the eye, rub his face against mine, do a turnaround and head to the other end of the bed. This went on and on and my patience was wearing thin.
Me: Chachi, stop that!
Chachi chuckles or what sounds like it but he wasn’t done yet.
Just as I was about to put him in his bed, he decides it is time for bed and for cuddle time with mommy. He pushes his back up against mine and stretches out for the night. Within minutes he is snoring and I mean SNORING! Cute but just a tad unsettling. I reach over and place a kiss on his head to reassure him that he is safe and he goes quiet.
Great! Time to get some rest. Just as I am dozing off and not three minutes later, Little Chachi decides he has had enough sleep and it’s time to play! He jumps off, goes to his toy basket, picks out the new stuffed bird I got him, the other one that tweets is gone now. At least, he’ll play quietly I thought. Well, I thought wrong. Chachi loves proving me wrong. He gets down on the floor with the poor frightened bird clutched between his paws and goes to town with it. It must be some sort of passive aggressive thing and if that bird had been alive, it wouldn’t have stood a chance against the onslaught. Within minutes, the stuffing was peeking out and he threw it aside as he jumped back on the bed and landed just inches from my face. I don’t know how he does that but he has got that down to a science, missing my face I mean.
ME: Are you ready for bed?
He grunts and plops down pushing his back paws under my back. Again, within minutes he was off in dreamland or wherever cats go in sleep. Half an hour later and having woken me up from sleep with a slight pat of the paws on the back of my head, he sits there staring at me. I swear he was grinning!
You guessed it. It was a very long night to say the least. I am thinking of getting some kind of “calm” spray to get him to settle down. The thing is, the little guy thinks he is king of the castle and he runs the roost and it might well be but I need my beauty sleep even if he doesn’t. He is beautiful enough as he is and did I mention as cute as a button? Well, he is. Now, if I can only get him to settle down and teach him that he’s not the BOSS, all would be well in my world. It will be a painstaking ritual and success might not be in the cards as far as that is concerned because “cuteness” knows it will be a losing battle!
“One of the hardest lessons in life is learning to let go. Whether it’s guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal, it doesn’t matter, it is hard and that is a fact. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go.” Unknown
Letting go has always been hard for me. I tend to take things that have happened with or without my permission and I play around with it until it becomes a different scenario from where it started from. Suddenly that little problem becomes all-consuming and my life comes to a halt and my focus is riveted to that one little spot. It’s as if I am churning a cauldron and saying as the witches in Macbeth did, “Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn and cauldron bubble!” I have trouble saying, it is done. It has happened. I can’t go back and change anything even if I wished I could. So just breathe a sigh of relief and LET IT GO but I am learning.
Something happened yesterday. It was small compared to all the big things out there. Somehow I let it get inside me. I stirred it up and soon it was a major problem BUT only in my mind. As I stood watching the sun go down in a blaze of glory, I realized that I had let a beautiful day go to waste simply because I had been caught in a web of my own making. Things do happen and it is not your fault or mine but it is how we deal with it that differentiates whether we come out on top or get stuck at the bottom. Take a deep breath, feel the weight fly off your shoulders and your feet get a little lighter as you watch it, whatever it is, dissipate into the distance and into nothingness. It is not worth it. LET IT GO.
We hold onto relationships that are not good for us but still we hold on simply for the sake of holding on when you know deep inside that this is not what you want but letting go is not an option. It would hurt too much or you’ll find yourself alone or you’ve invested too much time and energy in it or you make up some story in your head that you can’t live without him or her and it goes on and on. If truth be told, you know that letting go and moving on is the best option because it is not working and you want better. LET IT GO. You’ll be alright.
I love holding onto people, problems and just about anything. Some days I play things over in my mind and say, if only this and if only that. I am learning that playing around with it in my head is only hurting me and it is not going to change things. You can’t change the past and it is over so let it rest. You have bigger and better things to do. LET IT GO. It doesn’t matter anymore. What’s done is done. Be at peace and move on.
“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” Unknown
AND
“Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead than to look back.” Unknown
AND
“Overthinking will destroy your mood. Breathe and let go.” @SelfSaid
The last one was for me simply because I overthink everything! So I’m going to breathe and LET IT GO. Not easy but worth a try.
I think I am. The problem is not being able to judge character, it is my need to overlook the signals because I have this innate sense within me to help and that often gets me into trouble. I see it right from the start and my intuition tells me to stay away but still I go in and sometimes with eyes wide open and more often than not I get hurt. However, I am observant more than most because I am a writer and therefore I observe religiously and nitpick details and even though I am good at judging character from the get go, I choose not to pay attention and that is my BIG problem.
As to your question of whether I am a good judge of character? The answer is, yes and no.
Looking for the needle in a haystack is defined as “something that is almost impossible to find because it is hidden among so many other things,” or it could mean that you are very unlikely indeed to find it.
Someone once said to me that I choose to be alone. If I didn’t want to be alone, I would already be in a relationship. I disagree with this assumption. Choosing a partner needs to be a well-thought out, well-planned affair. Grabbing any guy who comes along is easy but that one elusive person, the one who fits the mold and the one who offers long-term is really hard to find. The needle in the haystack is elusive, impossible to find and at times the end goal is disappointing and yet I keep looking. Am I trying too hard? It has been said that when you go looking for something, you never find it but when you stop looking, there it is right before your eyes.
“If you hunt for a needle in a haystack you don’t find it. If you don’t give a darn whether you ever see the needle or not – it runs into you the first time you lean against the stack.” P. G. Wodehouse
Perhaps there is some truth to this quote but alas Mr. Wodehouse, my problem is that I keep missing the haystack altogether! I want to zero in on that haystack where the needle is hidden but each haystack I find seems to be the wrong one and I walk past without exploring further. Picky?
DEFINITELY! That’s why they call me complicated.
I have this “perfect guy” image etched in my mind and that right there is the problem. He is in my mind and the others don’t measure up. At this rate, I don’t think I’m ever going to find him no matter how many frogs I kiss not that I’ve kissed that many. I walk off before the kiss happens and look towards the distance for the next Prince Charming to come riding in on his white horse but it never fails, they are missing one thing or another and sometimes they ride in with no horse at all!
How do you find that needle in the haystack?
The answer –
“the way you find an actual needle in an actual haystack – is to burn the haystack to the ground. What you’ll be left with is the needle, because metal doesn’t burn.” Jennie Young
Hmm…. if that fails,
“Needle in the haystack’s easy – just bring a magnet.” Keith DeCandido
Fine and good and even funny to an extent but that guy living rent-free in my head needs to materialize in front of me so that we can ride off into the sunset together. Please universe, if you are listening make it happen before the next frog rolls around with his lips puckered for that all elusive kiss!
AND
Santa, if you’re listening, I am ready! If it’s going to take a little while longer that is alright too. Just gives me time to work on myself and to be ready when the frog, no, I mean “the guy” shows up.
Harper’s Bazaar defines it as, “signs of manipulation and deception. It hurts people’s feelings and gives them trust issues.” According to them, these are major red flags and it has no place in a healthy, happy relationship.
True and you deserve a happy, and healthy relationship. However, many play mind games just for the hell of it because it makes them feel good or it’s done for some sick pleasure. Others have made it part and parcel of their dating existence. How do you spot these wolves in sheep’s clothing? Not easy because quite often they disguise themselves as one of the good guys. They look and come across as harmless but in actuality, they have the potential to hurt you badly through their manipulative tactics.
Here are the tell-tale signs. Actually there are 9 of them according to geediting.com but I think there are more.
Inconsistent behavior……this one is like dealing with Jekyll and Hyde. He’s the nice guy one minute and the next you’ll be wondering what changed. It’s NOT YOU! It’s HIM!
Gaslighting…..a technique used to question your own reality, experiences, or perceptions. If you’re constantly doubting or questioning yourself, you might just be a victim of gaslighting.
They never apologize…..this is a significant part of someone playing mind games. Be aware. Instead of apologizing, they deflect blame onto others.
They make you feel guilty….this is one of the tools master manipulators use to shift power in their favor.
They’re hot and cold…..this tactic is known as “love bombing.” This technique will leave you confused and unsure of where you stand and that’s exactly where they want you.
They make you question your worth…..this is a clear sign that someone is playing mind games. It is used to erode your self-esteem making you dependent on them for validation. It’s a form of control.
They withhold affection as punishment….one minute everything’s great and the next they’re not talking to you. It’s a manipulative technique to gain control and hold the upper hand in the relationship. A harsh method used to get whatever they want.
They make you feel like everything’s your fault….even when it isn’t. You’re the bad person and they come out smelling like a rose. It’s time to take a good hard look at the relationship and to move on.
They use your insecurities against you….they know your vulnerabilities and they exploit it to gain power and control.
I’ll add silent treatment to the list above. Master manipulators are pros when it comes to using silent treatment to their advantage. It is used as a form of punishment to make you feel unimportant and anxious so that you scramble to make THEM feel important again which means doing anything they want.
“Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions.” Unknown
Mind games have no place in a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship deserves respect, love, caring AND your well-being matters. If you find yourself going through one of the 9 items listed above over and over again, it’s time to leave the loser behind to his own wiles and move on to someone who will meet you on equal terms and treat you as an equal as well. They’re out there, you just have to weed through the losers to get there but anything is better than a master manipulator.
“Mind games do not make me believe you are mysterious or interesting. Mind games do make me believe you are a waste of my time and energy!” Unknown
AND
“Let’s play kind games instead of mind games.” Unknown
I’m most happy when I’m out in nature. I’ve always loved nature but the last two or three years have brought home the fact that I find my freedom and peace when I’m out there by myself surrounded by silence and my soul has the opportunity to rise to new heights. Nature teaches that nothing is ever left to chance and there is a time and place for everything. There is no rush because it takes its time and knows that the seasons will unfold as they are meant to unlike “human nature” which demands and expects that it happened yesterday! Nature is my teacher, my guide and it makes me happy even on the days when I think nothing is going to bring me back up. Nature makes me happy and a trek out in the fields does wonders for my soul and my happiness.
“When you are your own best friend, you don’t endlessly seek out relationships, friendships, and validation from the wrong sources because you realize that the only approval and validation you need is your own.” Mandy Hale
How often have you looked to others for validation, to lift you up, to make you feel important, to gain their approval and to make you feel loved? I know I have and I have found myself wallowing in self-pity or even questioning my worth as a person. I am learning that loving yourself comes first. YOU are important, what you tell yourself is important and who you are and what you will stand for and won’t is important. Be kind and gentle here because the way you talk to yourself is important. Work on yourself, it is the key element to get you out of the rut. What rut? The stuck in the mud rut. Your goal is to get you moving to a better life and to feel comfortable with yourself.
Invest in Yourself
This may sound like a new concept because we spend a lot of our energy and money on materialistic things and also in pleasing others that we forget the all-important person who is left wanting. Invest in time spent with yourself, this doesn’t take much but dedication. A walk in nature to nurture your soul, meditation to look inwards and find peace, working out to bolster your health or even spend time talking to yourself. If you have the means, pamper yourself. Go for a massage, get a facial, get a manicure or pedicure and no, it doesn’t mean you are vain. It just means you are putting yourself first and showing love to the person who matters the most and that is YOU.
Invest in your Environment
Your home is your castle? Work to make it that way. Spruce up your garden, plant flowers that give you joy when they bloom and fill your space with color. Redo your living area and or your bedroom and add things to make you feel comfortable. Make it a place you love spending time in and love coming back to but most of all, a place where you can relax and pamper your soul.
Get Rid of the Unwanted
This is hard. If you want to be your own best friend, you need to make space for the important things. Get rid of the things that bog you down, the people who make you question who you are because they are in a bad place in their lives. If their only goal in life is to bring you down to their level of despair, let them go! Sometimes getting rid of the unwanted makes room for what is needed. New friends, love, laughter, joy and peace.
Say this to yourself and mean it.
“You are hands down, my favorite person.” Unknown
Being your own best friend takes time as it is with everything that matters. Be forgiving, speak softly and lovingly to yourself, encourage yourself, love yourself and work towards looking in the mirror and loving the person staring back at you. Be your own validation and life, my friend, will get easier.
How to be your own best friend:
“Look in the mirror and give yourself a high-five.
Ask yourself often, “how are you feeling?”
Cry when you need to.
Give yourself a hug.
Forgive yourself for going back to old patterns and behaviors.
Encourage yourself with words you would use to encourage a friend.” Unknown
Good luck and I am on the self-same journey.
We Can Do This!
The sun is shining for a change but it’s still cold. Time to bundle up, step out into nature and to love what is waiting for me out there. It’s time for a walk.
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