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Flexibility (Archives)

“We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.” Unknown

If you are strong-willed like I am, this is a hard one to stomach or swallow. I think I’m as stiff as a rod when it comes to being flexible. I can bend and sway with the best of them but changing what I am accustomed to is a hard ask and it doesn’t happen easily for me. It takes a very long time. You can drag me to the water but making me drink is another thing altogether!

“True flexibility can only be achieved through constant adaptation to new circumstances.” Janna Cachola

Deepak Chopra says, “Flexibility opens infinite possibilities, rigidity closes them.”

And that right there is my problem. I am set in my ways and instead of adapting to changes, I usually want to control the situation hoping it will stay the same because adaptation in all its forms means accepting the inevitable and moving on and that is a hard thing to do. It doesn’t matter if “change” would bring about something better. I see it as this unknown monster that needs slaying in order to start anew and that is frightening to say the least.

I have to learn that, “Being flexible means not reacting but actively adjusting to life’s twists and turns. Face the unexpected with resilience, and every challenge becomes an opportunity.” Unknown

It’s not that I am a novice at adjusting to life’s twists and turns. I’ve had more than my share of it but each time something unforeseen happens and I’m left to stare change in the face, I pull back, run to the corner yelling, “Go Away! Leave Me Alone! Not You Again!”

Unfortunately, moving on and accepting changes is what life is all about isn’t it? Nothing remains the same forever, well maybe death but even then there are grey areas. So my next goal is to work with “flexibility” and embrace it as much as I can but not become best friends with it. I don’t want it showing up at my front door too often but when it does I will be gracious and in so doing, I hope it will leave me in peace!

“How strange that the grass is all that remains standing after the storm,” said the Boy.

“Sometimes being soft is strong,” said the Rabbit.

Flexibility is needed to go up against life’s challenges and change is often the result. Acceptance is the next step and moving on is inevitable. That said, flexibility is needed not to direct the wind, that is an impossible task, but to tweak it to where it is manageable and that folks takes many many lessons to learn. I know I’ll never be perfect at it, nothing in life ever is but I’m learning to stand my ground and to bend with resilience and to bounce back when necessary.

“Bamboo is flexible, bending with the wind but never breaking, capable of adapting to any circumstance. It suggests resilience, meaning that we have the ability to bounce back even from the most difficult times.” Ping Fu

Here’s to flexibility, you’re not my best friend but I hope you’ll be gentle with me the next time you come around.

Have an amazing day.

A Sustainable Lifestyle

I don’t really think about it very much. However, Europe has very stringent laws regarding where you throw your trash, how you throw your trash and you better pay attention or else you’re in trouble!

I recall the dumpster in my apartment complex in America where everything and anything went into that one dumpster. Here, that is a no go. Paper trash has a bin, plastic has a bin, everything else has a bin and compost has a bin. It may sound tedious but people keep to the rules and things seem to be working just fine.

Personally, I’m not a vegetarian but I don’t mind going that route twice a week. Meat is not at the top of my list but I like it now and then. My favorite is fish and salmon is my go to when I have fish on the menu and I buy organic whenever possible but it is expensive. I do use paper bags for groceries instead of plastic and I do buy recycled stuff when I see it offered. My beauty products do not contain chemicals and most are plant based. My one snafu, I love showers! I can’t live without my showers. I do waste a lot of water and that is something I need to pay attention to. Other than that, I think I do pretty well maintaining a sustainable way of lifestyle.

Daily writing prompt

Are there things you try to practice daily to live a more sustainable lifestyle?

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This Thing Called Love (4)

THE HUNTER:

I’ve written about the different types of men you’ll encounter on dating portals in several of my posts. The narcissists, the players, the control freaks, the users, the sugar daddies and such, but there is one more and I call him the hunter.

Someone who uses the “hunter” behavior is proactive in starting relationships. If they are interested in you, they’ll initiate the chase. Their goal is to win over their potential prey and they’ll go to great lengths to make sure it happens. They’ll use everything in their arsenal and this includes nice dinners, gifts, flowers, sweet nothings whispered in your ear and making you feel like you’re the best thing since sliced bread!

However, this type also sees “dating” as a game or a challenge. They’re not interested in the real you or in building a deep, lasting connection. You’re nothing more than the pursued to the pursuer. It is all about the excitement of the “hunt.” The initial attraction may take off in leaps and bounds until you become the prize. However, if you’re looking for “forevers,” this guy is not it. He prefers the chase, bagging the prize and when he’s had enough and hears the call of the wild again, he’s off and running to his next victim.

The problem is you don’t matter to the hunter. It’s a game and breaking a heart or two along the way is not going to be a stumbling block for him. All it takes is another woman walking in and one who blinks in his direction and he sees HOPE. Hope of another conquest, hope of the excitement of the chase and hopes that that first kiss will send his adrenaline sky-rocketing. If you’re in such a relationship, let the loser go. Heartbreaking? It is.

Leave the “hunters” to their own viles and look for someone who sees you as a person and not just as a prey!

I think this quote below explains it well.

Ladies, if you have to ask a man, “So what are we?” or “Where is this relationship going?” The answer is nowhere.

Men by nature are hunters and go for what they want. If he wanted you to be his wife, he would have proposed.

If he wanted you to be his lady, he would have asked you.

Men go hard for what they truly want. If he is not going hard for you, you are not what he wants.

Unfortunately, this thing is also called love but it definitely is not the right kind of love. Keep that in mind the next time you meet one of these guys with their pistols cocked! Tell them to take a hike from the get go.

Have an amazing day.

The Lazy Hazy Days of Summer!

It has been HOT, it has been sticky and the heat has been unbearable. Sweating it out is not a pleasurable experience and going without air-conditioning is not my kind of a nice summer day either!

Europeans do not believe in air-conditioning. “Less than 20% of European homes have air-conditioning, compared to 90% in the US.” This is due to environmental concerns such as energy consumption and green house gas emissions. Add “no deo” to that, and you’ve got a hot sweltering mess!

My energy levels have tanked and I’ve been doing what Chachi, the cat, has been doing. Staying quiet in a cool spot indoors. Add lots of hydration and it is bearable. Walking is out of the question for now and that hasn’t set too well either. It’s just too humid and the “stickiness” that ensues from being out there has kept me indoors for the time-being. I’m like a grumpy bear looking for some relief!

I’ve upped showers to twice a day and some days I want to stay there for a while. A friend told me, “Do what Europeans do when it’s hot.” It seems they go naked and let it all hang out! Not a pretty picture considering most of the people in this village are older people and going without clothes, well, you get the picture! I recall the first time I saw my in-laws in their “bare nothings!” It was a traumatic experience, well not quite, one I don’t want repeated again!

Summer is here and it plans to stay for a while. I’ll just have to put up with it and do the best I can.

One good thing about summer is this:

“Some of the best memories are made in FLIP-FLOPS!” Unknown

I’ve got them on and my feet are smiling even if the rest of me isn’t!

Have an amazing day.

The Most Delicious Thing

I recall it was in Singapore. The place was a street side cafe with western music blaring out of its interior. The plastic chairs looked well-used and none too stable but the place was packed with both foreigners and locals alike. There was laughter and good times but the aroma coming out of the kitchen made my mouth water.

“How good could the food be from this dingy looking place?” I wondered. Turns out it was the most delicious thing I’ve ever eaten in my life. I can’t remember the name of the dish but a friend recommended it since I love seafood. It arrived with no pomp and circumstance but it was a meal fit for a king or a queen for that matter! The bowl was small and unassuming. The aroma tantalizing. I removed the lid and hot steam escaped from the interior. It had a crust covering the whole thing and I was told to break it softly with a spoon and I did. Lo and behold, the crust sank into the thick broth below and I could see chunks of seafood, huge shrimps or rather prawns, lobster,squid, fish and a whole lot of other stuff staring back at me. I waited for it to cool off and dug in. It was the most delicious thing I had ever tasted. The thick reddish colored broth was beyond delicious, the morsels of seafood tender and every spoonful going down was heaven in itself.

It has been many years since that experience but I still remember this dish because it is unforgettable. I’ve eaten in different parts of the world but nothing as delicious as that unassuming bowl of whatever it was called. It has carved a place in my mind and my palate and will stay there as the best tasting food ever.

Singapore is a gourmet’s paradise and they can take the simplest ingredients and turn it into something grandiose and spectacular! Let me just add, it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg either!

Daily writing prompt

What’s the most delicious thing you’ve ever eaten?

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Brene Brown

Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

She is the author of six #1 New York Times bestsellers and is the host of two award-winning podcasts, Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead. The lady has spent two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame and empathy. Her advice for life is, “Don’t let fear stop you.” Here are some of her quotes that will take you on a journey of self-discovery. Enjoy.

“Authencity is not something we have or don’t have. It’s a practice – a conscious choice of how we want to live.”

“Trust is not built in big, sweeping moments. It’s built in tiny moments every day.”

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

“The truth is that falling hurts. The dare is to keep being brave and feel your way back up.”

“Here’s what I think integrity is: It’s choosing courage over comfort, choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy, and practicing your values.”

“Empathy has no script. There is not a right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of, “You’re not alone.”

“I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness – it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.”

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”

“When we have the courage to walk into our story and own it, we get to write the ending.”

AND

“At the end of day, at the end of the week, at the end of my life, I want to say that I contributed more than I criticized.”

Have an amazing day.

One Outfit Over and Over Again?

I’m not quite sure about this question. Forced to wear one outfit over and over again? The thing is nobody forces me to do anything anymore! I march to my own drumbeat these days.

Anyway, if I had to wear one outfit over and over again, it would be something sloppy. I can stay in PJs all day long but since that doesn’t really work in the real world, I’d opt for my Zara sweatpants and a short-sleeved t-shirt. The sweatpants have seen better days but you can’t beat the comfort factor. It is grey, roomy and looks a little big on me but who cares! I had it on during winter with sweatshirts and sweaters and now that it is warm, I reach for it just for lazing around the house. Only in summer, I pair it with t-shirts and it works just fine. Add a pair of flip-flops to it and you’ve got no-nonsense dressing to the hilt.

Of course, when I have company I have to force myself to change into something more presentable BUT the moment they leave, I’m back in sloppy wear and there’s nothing like it. It is stress-free dressing and it suits me just fine!

Daily writing prompt

If you were forced to wear one outfit over and over again, what would it be?

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The Importance of Spirituality

It is important but it is not a 24/7 thing like it used to be as a child growing up in a very religious and regimented Christian family. Now, I have the right to choose and that matters.

I believe there is a higher power and I don’t have to go to church every Sunday to have conversations with him either. I can do it anywhere. Spirituality is subjective and personal and nature is where I come face to face with spirituality in all its magnificent forms. I see it in the wide open spaces and in the plant and animal life that tells me everything happens for a reason. The seasons change when they have to like clockwork and each season has something to offer. An unseen force is at work and I know that magic is being worked in my life too. I just have to trust and believe that things will work out for the best.

I don’t say my prayers like I used to as a child kneeling by the bedside because mom and dad wanted me to. I am my own person now and instead of letting go of spiritual norms as I thought I would if I had the chance, I am finding that it is a necessary part of my life and one that is very important for my well-being as well. I know that I am part of a bigger picture and that in itself is enough to blow the mind!

“Spirituality is the journey of becoming one with the universe.” Unknown

Daily writing prompt

How important is spirituality in your life?

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RUMI (Archives)

Jalal al-Din Rumi was a 13th century poet. He was born in Afghanistan and he was a Sufi mystic whose poetry embraces themes of “overcoming fear and persevering through challenges.” He speaks of finding strength in vulnerability and to be grateful for whatever comes. I find courage and beauty in his words and it touches my soul AND his words are one of great wisdom.

“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.”

I do act small when first faced with adversity but it is only a matter of time before I rise again knowing that I can deal with this too.

“I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.”

This one speaks to who I am, I am one with nature and I find freedom with the animals and the bird life and often I want to sing like I used to as a young child not caring who listens or who is watching. I do that with my writing too.

“If everything around you seems dark, look again, you may be the LIGHT.”

Simply beautiful and when darkness surrounds seeing the light in you doesn’t seem like a bad thing to me.

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.”

This one tugged at my heart when I first saw it. My first thought, I don’t feel the light but he is speaking of another kind of light, the kind that teaches and heals.

“The moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given, the door will open.”

Moving on requires acceptance and that is precisely the point here. Done that many times over.

“When you go through a hard period, when everything seems to oppose you, when you feel you cannot even bear one more minute, NEVER GIVE UP! Because it is the time and place that the course will divert!”

I guess you have to hit ground zero before life turns around. Can we make it a little easier please?

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”

This one makes grieving a little less painful, at least it did for me.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today, I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

This last one is so poetic. Yes I wanted to change the world, I still do but nowadays it is more about changing “me” first.

Have an amazing day.

Self-Care Practice

It is at the top of my list as far as well-being goes. I do take care of myself and I have certain rituals that I do daily and sometimes weekly to get me back on track. It is not being vain as some may think, it is necessary to take care of yourself because no one else is going to.

I had an ex who referenced my self-care practices as nonsense. I didn’t need to put in that much effort into putting my best foot forward was what he said. I’m glad I didn’t listen to him! He is nowhere in the picture and I’m glad that my self-care practices still exist and are doing just fine.

My daily self-care practice is to pay careful attention to stress. It is a killer and I learned it the hard way when I accompanied a friend through the last stages of his life. I was always healthy but during that period, I started experiencing pain, health issues and other symptoms that I couldn’t explain. A consultation with a doctor revealed that I was under extreme stress. Her advice was to step back and take care of myself first. I couldn’t at the time but when it was all over, stress reduction became a priority. I do walks, deep breathing techniques, meditation, workouts and of course eating right. Just a few of the things in my self-care routine. However, on weekends I pay careful attention to my hair. I have long hair and it needs work to keep it healthy and shiny. Masks are a must, oil treatments sometimes and just some tender loving care. My skin gets the same on Sundays. Facials, scrubs and masks are a must to keep it glowing. It takes time but it is worth it.

Self-care and taking time out for yourself is needed to keep your health at its optimum best. Some may say it is all about vanity but I disagree. I’ve been doing these rituals since I was 18 and I’m not about to stop now.

I matter, my health matters and now, I take care of myself first before I put myself out there and let whatever it is to take a toll on me. It boils down to self-preservation and it is important in my book.

Daily writing prompt

How do you practice self-care?

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