Buddha said, First remove, “I” that’s EGO, then remove , “WANT,” that’s DESIRE. See now you are left with only, “HAPPINESS.”
Is it really that simple to find happiness? Okay, I can give this method a try BUT I find that when I remove “EGO” and “WANT,” there is something else glaring me in the face! It is, “WHAT NOW?!!!”
According to Buddhist wisdom, there are 5 steps to happiness. They are:
SMILE MORE
WORRY LESS
BE PRESENT
GIVE MORE
EXPECT LESS
I believe in the smiling more part. No problems there. Worrying less is almost a no go with me. Being present, I am working on. Giving more…..it is a work in progress and expecting less always gets me in trouble. Basically, I’m not quite there yet. Finding that happiness path that is.
What else?
“A disciplined mind brings happiness.”
Oh Gawd! This is even worse. Tell that “monkey” I call my mind to take orders and you’ll see what I mean! Marching on to the next happiness mantra.
“Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are….
It solely relies on what you think.”
WHAT?!!! I give up!
No more searching for happiness wisdom today. I’ll do it my way. The sun is shining and I’m going to slip into my flip-flops, go to the garden and let the sun warm my face and listen to the birdsong to calm my mind and to let happiness seep in. Sorry Buddha but maybe next time around.
There will be no more thinking, no more telling my mind to do something it doesn’t want to do and I’ll just let the day go as it wants to. How’s that for a happiness mantra?
If you think about it, this moment in time is all we have. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is looming somewhere in the distance but today, more specifically, this very moment is where we exist.
“We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.” Bill Waterson
Are you in a safe place? Are you protected? Are you at peace? These are things which matter.
I overthink and it is mostly about the past and then I jump to the future. It is an erratic pattern of thoughts and I am well aware of what I’m doing but still I persist. Last night, I decided to reel in all my jumbled up thoughts because they were causing another sleepless night and then started looking at each one individually and realized that I was dabbling in things I cannot change. The past is done with and the future is unknown. I looked at the moment I was in and realized I was safe, I was warm and I had a roof over my head. I had Chachi, the cat, cuddled up next to me and the world, for the here and now, was a peaceful place. I stayed there for awhile and like a lullaby, it rocked me to sleep.
The moments count. They define our psyche and being in several places in one time does not help matters much. Having one foot in the past and one in the future is not going to do it. Stay in the here and now. What are you doing now? It matters. Trying to put the past, the future and everything else in one basket is a sure fire way to disaster. Sort it out. Make peace with the past, learn the lessons you need to learn and then close the door behind you. The future will be determined by what you do today. Give it loving care, your attention, and maybe, just maybe a brighter tomorrow is around the corner. We can only hope.
Why is being in the present moment so important?
According to powerfullyyou.org, “it can decrease the activities of your nervous system, reduce stress, and help you to feel more regulated.” Tony Robbins says, “it allows you to focus all of your energy on the task at hand.” He further adds, “where focus goes, energy flows.”
Easier said than done? I agree. My mind loves jumping around. It’s like a “monkey” which loves to climb, run, twist and do whatever is necessary to keep me from the task at hand and it often succeeds. It is going to take lots of practice before the “monkey” learns to behave! There is still hope.
I need to stop being too nice! This “niceness” bit sometimes brings trouble and instead of shutting it down immediately, I try to find ways of making things easier for the other person and “BOOM” I find myself in the same old boat. I wind up asking what happened and why did it happen?
Let’s look at this example. I meet a guy and I can tell from the start that there is nothing that connects us. NADA! Instead of giving a flat out no, I play, “Here we go around the Mulberry bush!” The guy thinks that there is a chance so he keeps trying harder. I get frustrated and think, “Don’t you get the message?”
He doesn’t because I don’t give a forceful NO! Let’s look at another example. I have a girlfriend who is never on time. I put up with it because I am this “nice” person, not a pushover but nice. Anyway, this last time, we made an appointment to meet and I was there 10 minutes early. Twenty minutes in and she was a no show. I wrote but no answer. Forty minutes in and still no show and no message. Forty-five minutes later, she writes nonchalantly, “Ooh, I forgot!” If there ever was a straw that broke the camel’s back,” that was it! I finally came out of my “nice” mode and gave her a piece of my mind. It’s been two weeks and we haven’t heard from each other. When we do, I hope punctuality is at the top of her list as far as I am concerned. I can only hope.
I want to take niceness out of the picture and replace it with speaking my mind, saying it like it is and NOT mincing words! It is a hard ask but those are some improvements I would like to make in my life.
Daily writing prompt
What’s one small improvement you can make in your life?
I hate changes and it has never been my strong suit. However, life has decided to give me more than my share of changes to show me it is needed and that nothing ever stands still for long. I am learning to roll with the punches and also learning to stand back up stronger than before. I think the sooner we learn that life is all about changes, the better off we’ll be. I am learning to accept the changes, so life let’s take a pause so I can come up for air before I have to accept another change!
Here are some beautiful quotes that will help you to accept changes for what they are, just a part of life and its idiosyncrasies.
“Embrace uncertainty. Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won’t have a title until much later.” Unknown
Can’t wait to see what those titles will be. Survivor perhaps?
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Socrates
“Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.” Cherokee Proverb
“The price of doing the same old thing is far higher than the price of change.” Bill Clinton
“Life is like a GPS, it will reroute you when you least expect it, just sit back and enjoy the ride.” Unknown
Oh Gawd!! I don’t like that one too much.
“Change is not merely necessary to life, it is life.” Alvia Toffler
I need a little more time for this to sink in.
“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” Unknown
This one has sunk in. I am on my way but slowly!
“Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.” Michael Jordan
I think I am one of those people.
I like this one the best.
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” W.C. Fields
Oh gawd, I see another change coming on and another lesson to learn! I was only kidding with that last one. Take it easy and CHILL!
You’ve probably read many posts about him but there is never enough I can say about this person. He walked in when my world was in shambles and little did I know then that he would take my hand and show me the way out.
He was tall and handsome with reddish blond hair. His eyes were green and he had a kind way about him. When we met, I liked him well enough but I kept my distance. After a few months, he told me he was all in. I couldn’t tell him the same. I wanted to but I couldn’t. What more could I ask for? He made me feel like a million dollars and treated me like I was made of glass. I guess at that time I was. I was fragile and I was vulnerable. The divorce had almost destroyed me and I wasn’t ready to let anyone get close to me ever again. We carried on as very close friends. He was of Irish-American descent so his name for me was, “Lovely.” I don’t know if that is an Irish thing but it sounded like it was. More importantly, he didn’t know it at the time but that name gave me my self-esteem back. I was feeling bruised, hurt and far from LOVELY! The name stuck and even to the very end, that name stayed. The last words he said to me were, “I like you with your hair down. You look lovely.” That was two days before he passed away.
What can I say about my angel. He was there in my deepest darkest moments and he held my hand and showed me how to laugh and to live again. Our time together was devoid of drama. It was peaceful and it was filled with a special kind of friendship. This was needed to get me back to normal again. When his job was done, he left me behind. As I have said before, angels never stay for long. Soon another anniversary will roll around and I will think of all the moments we had shared but mostly I will think of this person who was there when I needed him the most and who showed me what real love was all about even if I couldn’t show him the same.
Here’s to you my angel. Some days I wish you were still here to show me the way but the journey forward is mine alone. I know we’ll meet again of this I am sure but until then, thank you for what you gave me, the precious gift of finding myself again. I will be forever thankful to you but you already know that.
Chachi, the cat, wears that name with pride now. It is only fitting because he was your gift to me. I know you are at peace, free of pain and flying with the angels and looking down at me because you promised you would.
My feet are shod in flip-flops today. The sun is already shining and it is supposed to be a glorious day. I stare down at my feet and my toenails in a darker shade of pink are staring back at me. They are happy I presume. The black flip-flops are comfortable, perhaps deceptively so, and a soft sigh of contentment escapes from my lips. It’s been months since my feet felt this kind of freedom having been encased in boots and when at home socks or fur-lined house shoes kept them warm during winter.
Now, it’s time to let freedom reign! It’s not quite summer yet but the warm days and lots of sunshine brings me back to another time and place. I was an island girl once a long time ago. I loved those carefree days of walking on the beach barefoot or feet in flip-flops as I looked for whatever treasures the ocean had dimmed fit to throw at my feet. Some days, I would sit on the sandy beach as close as I could get to the water and let it wash my feet as I leaned back on my elbows and dreamed of faraway places. Places I wanted to visit someday. Little did I know that that dream would come true one day.
The island girl mentality still shows up when the weather takes a turn for the better and my hands reach for those flip-flops! The days of carefree wonder still runs deep and is waiting just beneath the surface waiting to be rekindled again. Today is such a day.
I am dressed for comfort in a white t-shirt and dark blue linen pants. It is still cool in the garden so a grey sweat jacket completes the ensemble of understated and laid-back dressing. The flip-flops on my feet bring a smile to my face. I can picture myself on that beach again but only then I was running around in shorts and whatever t-shirt I could find. Clothes didn’t matter way back when my life was simpler and the ocean was my best friend.
I notice the quiet in the garden but I know that nature is hard at work. I see its handiwork in the clematis drapping over the green fence, their pink blossoms simply gorgeous. The scented rose bush is awash with blooms and the lovely scent, a cross between vanilla and something sweet is mesmerizing. I make a mental note to get the glass bowls out and get some potpourri going. The rose petals make the best potpourri and instead of letting them fall to the ground and wither away, I’ll put them to good use as I did last year.
I can feel the dew drops brush against my feet as I make my walk through the garden. It feels good. The apple tree has lost its sweet-scented flowers and little apples are starting to form and there are plenty of them. A bumper crop this year? Who knows? I’ll let it surprise me. The cherry tree has more than two cherries this year so everything speaks of abundance! The bees are moving from one flower to the next and a lone blackbird is singing from the roof-top. Its song is high-pitched but sweet nonetheless. Everything is touched with sunshine, not the sticky variety that shows up when summer is in full-swing but the kind that feels good on your skin and for now sitting outside with a hot cup of coffee is heaven in itself.
I snuggle back in the chaise lounge just as a huge bumble bee goes whizzing by oblivious to my presence. It too has work to do but my mind is on relaxing today. The sky is a bright blue, the birds are singing and I am at peace. Oh, and my feet are loving their freedom shod in flip-flops! It’s going to be a gorgeous day.
THREE WISE WOMEN: You do know…..what would have happened if it had been three wise woman instead of three wise men, dou’t you? They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought practical gifts.
A guy is walking on the beach somewhere in California. He sees a lamp, rubs it, and a Genie comes out. The genie is so happy that he decides to grant one wish to the lucky guy. The guy thinks about it and says, “I’d like you to build a highway to Hawaii because I am afraid to fly. The genie responds that this can’t be done because it would be technogically impossible considering the depth of the ocean and the distance to Hawaii. So he asks the guy to wish for something else. The guys thinks about it and very enthusiastically wishes he would understand women.
The genie then said, “Do you want your highway to have 2 or 4 lanes?”
It used to mean financial security, a loving man by my side and not having to worry about anything.
Well, that has changed. Freedom today means PEACE. It also means being able to do whatever I want to, whenever I want to. Financial stability is still important but my whole world doesn’t revolve around it.
I find freedom during my treks outdoors. I find freedom when I am sitting outside watching the birds and the bees. I find freedom when I don’t have to answer to anyone. Freedom has been defined as, “the state of independence where one can do whatever one likes without any restriction by anyone.” Freedom is what I make it and often it is not about monetary or materialistic things. It is what brings calm to my mind and gives my soul wings to fly on.
“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will.”
“And then, just like that, my heart broke. My face crumpled, my composure went and I held him tightly and I stopped caring that he could feel the shudder of my sobbing body because grief swamped me. It overwhelmed me and tore at my heart and my stomach and my head and it pulled me under, and I couldn’t bear it. I honestly thought I couldn’t bear it.” Jojo Moyes
That last line held me in its grip and I went along for the ride for as long as it took. “I couldn’t bear it,” was my mantra when the dream splintered into a thousand pieces and lay in fragments at my feet. “This couldn’t be happening to me!” was my other cry but none of that mattered because the end had arrived and there was no going back to what was.
Cheating is one of the most despicable things one human being can do to another. If truth be told, it happens all the time. It has become a norm in this easy come, easy go world of ours. When it happens, you find yourself going under, and in my case I lost my best friend, a long-time life partner I had known and trusted for a long time. The aftermath is hard to describe. I went from a confident woman to someone I didn’t recognize anymore. There was sadness and of course tears but that line, “I couldn’t bear it,” was the slogan that kept me in the hole that someone else had dug for me.
However, let me tell you, YOU are fully capable of bearing it! It may seem like all is lost and you may feel like you’re looking at absolute darkness but I assure you that you’ll find your way into the light as I did. It took courage, strength, forgiving yourself for what wasn’t your fault and to slowly rise again. Rise again you must because you have no other choice! Let me also tell you that you are enough and those “fragments” of a shattered heart will learn to mend itself. You will learn to look at love and life through different glasses and the next time around when love walks in, you will know better.
“Over the years, confusing fragments, lost corners of stories, have a clearer meaning when seen in a new light, a different place.” Michael Ondaatje
I’ve changed from that young and trusting person I used to be. I thought love once yours would remain forever. I gave my trust to a man who had vowed to me forever, had called me the love of his life and because best friends don’t hurt each other, I had thought we would make it to the very end. Wrong!
However, I can’t change what I want.
“And that was the cause of my heartache. I wanted everything or nothing at all. I’m not impressed by bits, parts, or almost. I’m a seeker of that which is whole, full, and complete. Completely mine or completely not.” Unknown
If that is in the cards for me is left to be seen. Only time will tell. You can overcome the insurmountable and even though you will carry those scars for a lifetime, you are built to survive. You are strong, you are resilient and you are beautiful. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror after it happened. I felt UGLY! It took time to overcome that as well.
Cheating causes emotional turmoil, mental health issues, a trust deficit, low self-esteem and sometimes PTSD-like symptoms. Sounds daunting doesn’t it? IT IS! However, the YOU within is capable of overcoming pain and resilient enough to overcome the challenges that it entails.
“You’re not broken. You’re just becoming. Unfolding slowly – like petals in spring. Give yourself time. ”
AND
“What sticks to memory, often are those odd little fragments that have no beginning and no end….” Tim OBrien
Be kind to yourself, love yourself, build yourself up and learn that those “fragments” which were part of your yesterday can help you towards a better tomorrow. Here’s the thing, YOU CAN BEAR IT!
It is hands down the man with the orange face and the one who thinks he has commonsense!
I pretty much disagree with all of his policies. The tariffs are a bust! His immigration policies are under scrutiny. Gestapo tactics are not working and for obvious reasons. Common sense is nowhere to be seen and intellect, well that is sorely and totally lacking. What do you expect from someone who can’t even make a proper sentence let alone know what he is talking about! Picking fights like a schoolyard bully is not working and he is getting trumped from all sides and since no one wants to play with him anymore it is time to cry foul!
His administration is comprised of Fox News alums most of whom are unqualified for the high-ranking posts they are holding and it is all about brown-nosing to the highest order! The latest addition is Fox News host, Judge Jeanine Pirro who will be appointed interim United States Attorney for the District of Columbia. Either he has a love affair with Fox News or he thinks he can’t find anyone better out there! And that right there is the problem.
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