Tag: courage

The Preparation

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One week to go and I’m climbing walls again. A friend told me that he would bring a ladder the next time he comes to visit instead of flowers since I love climbing walls so much!

What can I say? I’m a wall climber! Well, only when the unexpected is facing me and I don’t know what the outcome will be. Google is telling me, “You’ll be fine. You are well-prepared.” Yes, they’ve been a big help but still the worries are there. What if I get a surgeon who had a bad night the evening before and took to the bottle? What if I get an apprentice who doesn’t know what he/she is doing? What if……God these what ifs are driving me up the wall. There’s that wall again!

Thursday I have the pre-op. I will get a chance to ask all the questions I want. I have another problem, my throat is acting up. Not sure why but I just did a saltwater gargle, hope that helps. I think I’m just nervous and my body is saying, “I can’t take this STRESS anymore!”

My overnight bag is packed, just in case I have to stay in the hospital. I have a long list of stuff to get tomorrow. I never leave anything to chance so a friend is coming over and we will do the rounds of getting everything I need for when I come back home. I’ll invite her out to lunch as a big thank you.

Other than that, I’m trusting and believing that all will go well. I hope I don’t freak out and call the whole thing off! The doctor has already warned me that if I do that, it will be to my own detriment. “Get it done,” was what he said and the other two doctors agreed.

Looks like it is a go. I’ll just have to bite the bullet, gather up my strength and courage, believe that I’m in good hands and go through with this. What could go wrong? P L E N T Y! That is the problem.

Ok, taking a deep breath. I seem to be doing that a lot these days. Taking another one to calm myself down and another one for good measure.

Wow, this is hard but I can DO HARD THINGS. Didn’t I write a post about exactly that? Someone else told me to take my own medicine meaning the posts I put out with the help advice. Agreed, BUT I know that I’ll be climbing walls as it gets closer and there is nothing anyone can do about it. It’s just the way it is and I’m a worrywart so it comes with the territory.

Bah Humbug!

Mandy Hale

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This New York Times bestselling author and speaker has a way with words and a knack for beautiful quotes. They are not only beautiful but they do speak to the heart and hits the nail where it needs to go! Here are some of my favorites where this lady is concerned.

“It’s OKAY to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.”

I DID!

“Have faith in your journey. Everything had to happen exactly as it did to get you where you’re going next.”

The lessons are coming in fast and furious!

“You can’t force something to happen. You can only drive yourself crazy trying. At some point you just have to let go and let God.”

I DID!

“Rid yourself of all the things you’ve outgrown and the things you’re meant to grow into will track you down!”

Fingers and toes crossed!

“That’s the thing about fear. It can only hang around until faith enters the room, then it’s forced to flee.”

It did but in my case, it returns at a drop of a coin!

“God is telling you to rest your heart. You have done everything you could, prayed every prayer you knew, and stayed faithful even when it hurt. Now let ME handle it. What you cannot fix I am working behind the scenes, aligning things you cannot see yet.”

Of this, I am SURE!

“Don’t go back to something God has already rescued you from.”

Hard to do but trying really hard!

“Sometimes you have to realize that you’ve HAD enough to realize that you ARE enough.”

And you my friend are ENOUGH as YOU ARE! Always have been.

A Tough Day

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I spent most of yesterday in the hospital. What should have been a pre-op meeting with the anesthesiologist and the surgeon turned out to be a long drawn out affair. They were short on staff so it meant long waiting times.

Being punctual, I showed up on time. It was time to meet them and to see what is coming my way. The first meeting was with a lady who asked a lot of questions and took down the next of kin’s information in case something goes wrong! Then it was back to the waiting room. Forty minutes later, I was called in again for blood samples and an urine sample. Back out again in the waiting room, 3o minutes later the meeting with the anesthesiologist took place. A nice guy who explained the procedure, asked more questions, and told me, “Operations always have risks.” Hmm….that didn’t help to quiet my already raging mind. I was sent outside again and it was time to wait again. Then I was called in to another office and I met with the surgeon, not the one who will be doing the procedure, she said someone from her team will be doing the actual operation but it won’t be her. Why am I talking to people who will not be doing the actual procedure? Maybe it works differently in Germany.

Anyway, we had a good talk, a few laughs, and then I was sent back out again. Thirty minutes later, I went into another room and was told to show up bright and early on Monday. I should be there at 7:30 a.m. and then it will take off from there. What I didn’t tell you is that I might need two operations! According to the surgeon, two hours wouldn’t give them enough time to do everything they need to do and it looked like another operation would be necessary to finish the job.

I AM GOING TO DIE!

That’s exactly what I told her and she laughed. “No, you are not going to die,” those were her words.

Am I feeling better with this pre-op talk? What do you think?!!! The thing is I have no choice, I’ve signed the papers and it’s a GO on Monday. God, help me!