Almost every family has them and some are wonderful and some we can do without. My family had many traditions and I had to be there whether I wanted to or not!
My parents were religious people and church on Sundays was one of those traditions. I’m not just talking about Sunday service but spending the whole day at church! Yes, it was excruciating for a young girl but I did it simply because it was a must. This is one tradition I don’t keep up with. I’m not going to put my son through it either. It’s his decision altogether and he has chosen to go the other way but I think a little religion doesn’t hurt anyone.
All the other holidays were part and parcel of our upbringing. Christmas was a big deal but I loved it and when I was married, I kept up with the tradition. Presents, lights, Christmas carols and good food were all still a part of tradition but nowadays, it is a quiet affair. No going all out, just some lights, music and a quiet time, so that has changed. Thanksgiving was another big deal. It was a time for family get-togethers, turkey and all the trimmings and lots of food! I’ve changed it to almost nothing. When the friend was there, we would have a semblance of Thanksgiving, just some good food and a quiet time together. Now that he is gone, I’m mostly on my own except for Chachi, the cat.
Traditions have changed but I guess it does when life changes. Time changes things too and circumstances complete the picture. Memories of those traditions I had with my parents still remain, they always will, because they were wonderful times except for the whole day at church bit. I could have done without those.
Daily writing prompt
What traditions have you not kept that your parents had?
It wasn’t all good. Some parts were great and others I could have done without. One of the things we shouldn’t have done was to take our five-year-old with us. That was a major faux pas!
We went to Singapore and later to Penang in Malaysia. Our “little terror” wasn’t used to the hot weather and crowds so he became a seasoned complainer. On one hand, he was really happy about the people. They were overly friendly to him and even offered to buy him from us. We should have taken the offer! He was a cutie but a little rascal to boot.
My ex had never been there before so it was an eye-opener for him. The food was great especially the “Chili Crabs.” It was finger-licking good. The place was clean and green but most of all we loved the food there. Our little guy was learning to swim at the time so his dad had him in the hotel pool every chance he got and the added attraction were the monkeys in the trees surrounding the pool! It was a major distraction. However, he didn’t learn to swim in Singapore. It was in Penang when he finally swam halfway across the pool! That was memorable especially the proud smile he wore on his face.
Malaysia was great as well. However, the traffic was scary. We were in Kuala Lumpur and had to cross a busy road and believe me, it was terrifying. The way to get across was to wait till there was a break in traffic and run across! We managed somehow but it was not my thing. The food was fantastic, the people friendly and it had a laid-back vibe. We stayed with friends and every morning we could see the monkeys making their way through the trees heading to wherever they were going and every evening they would come back the same way.
One of the things we learned during that trip was to stop spoiling the little brat! I remember one incident in Singapore along the East Coast right by the beach when he pulled a temper-tantrum because something didn’t go the way he wanted. His face was bright red, his veins popping out in his neck when he started to scream his head off. My ex and I found a seat and watched as he screamed his a** off! People would walk up to him and try to console him but it only made things worse.
It was a memorable trip but it had both good and bad parts to it for all the reasons I mentioned above.
A friend sent me an article yesterday and it irritated me to no end! I felt my hackles rise but honestly, there was some truth to the article and later, much later, I realized that maybe, just maybe I was one of them.
LET’S DEFINE HELICOPTER PARENTING
“A term for parents who hover over their kids, always ready to swoop in and solve every problem. They’re over-attentive and overly fearful of their child’s experiences and challenges.”
GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY!
I was and still am overly-protective of the little guy although he is not so little anymore. Divorce and being a single mom threw my world, my regimented world, into one that could only be described as helter-skelter! Trying to find order where there was none was a big problem. Learning to swim again after being thrown in the deep end of the pool was next to impossible and bring “parenting” into such a situation and you’ve got “helicopter parenting” in the making, in my case anyway. I wanted to protect him from the pain, the anger, the confusion, the despair and a whole host of other emotions that I couldn’t control but I could make it easier with the love I showered on him. Bring fear of the unknown into the picture and I was “warrior mom” ready to go up against anyone who so much as sneezed in his direction! However, it didn’t stop me from teaching him what is right and wrong, to stand up for himself, and to be a good and decent human being.
He has been on his own for the last five or six years, studying and taking care of things on his own. I have been there every step of the way but from a distance! It was HARD but I made it somehow. Last year, he finished up with a better than average grade and I couldn’t have been prouder. Then came the tedious task of looking for a job and never having worked a day in his life made it harder still. He took it all in stride and landed two jobs. The first one paid well but involved travel and lots of stress! He opted for the second one at a five-star hotel. He made his choice and he has been working at the hotel for two months now. Just recently, there was an incident involving a guest high on drugs and in possession of a gun! The old me screamed with fear within but I listened as he talked. It turned out that he handled it like a pro!
Early this morning, the phone rang. It was 1:30 a.m. and I knew it couldn’t be anything good. Sure enough, he said, “I’ve locked myself out of the apartment!” I gulped and the old “helicopter mom” would have asked, “How can I help?’ Instead, I let him talk. He explained he had called the building superintendent and he was on the way. Half an hour later, he was back in his apartment.
“I think that instead of helicoptering our kids, we should be strapping some parachutes on their backs made out of things like common sense, kindness, and courage.
Then we should teach them to jump.” Unknown
And be ready to catch them if the parachute fails!
Honestly, I think I did a good job of raising this young man. Sure, there are things I could have done better but he’s on his way and that is all that matters. Next week, he has his second interview after acing the first one. This could be his forever job. Fingers and toes crossed AND I’m leaving the “helicopter” in the cupboard like the friend asked me too!
First and foremost is a picture of my young son when he was about three years old. He was a cute kid and I was totally hooked on him. I was a first time mom and my world revolved around him. The little guy was cheeky even at that young age.
One day he had just had his bath and was standing on the table naked waiting to be dressed when I got this great idea. I decided to take a picture of him in his birthday suit. He gave me this look and a smile erupted on his face. I grabbed my cell phone and snapped the pic! He giggled and just as I finished, I felt the spray hit my face! When it did, he chuckled and started jumping on the table. It became a game after that with him. Every time I tried to dress him and when I saw that grin come on his face, I knew what was coming and I learned to duck in time! That pic has a special place in my heart because it was one of those times when life was simple and it was all about giggles and chuckles.
The other thing I hold close and still wear around my neck is a heart-shaped diamond pendant. It’s a beautiful piece and it belonged to my mom. I remember her wearing it all the time and it was her special piece of jewelry. I loved it when the sun hit the stones and made them glisten and shine. I inherited it when she met her untimely death. My brother decided that it was one of the pieces I should have. It is a daily companion along with a diamond solitaire pendant that was given to me by the friend I lost a couple of years ago. Both bring back precious memories. They are both gone now but those two pieces of jewelry bring back a time when I felt special and knew that I was loved.
What may seem like trinkets to some may mean a whole different story to someone else.
Someone once said, you are NOT yesterday. True but the stories we tell ourselves, the narratives that we trap ourselves in sometimes tell us that we are. Yesterday does carry some weight because it helps to define who we are today. The memories of yesterday can mold or break us, it can teach us not to do the same things over and over again and more often than not, it gives us the strength to carry on. The truth of the matter is that we cannot rewrite history and we cannot go back and change the outcome of a story that happened and is now done with. Yesterday is just that, it was and is a part of our past and except for the revisits from time to time of well-kept memories, it is nothing more than that. It is a story that is finished, it has taken its final bow or curtain call and so must we by letting it go.
This is what I tell myself on the journey I am on. I can’t keep carrying yesterday on my back or like an albatross around my neck. The load is heavy and it makes me want to stop, turn around and run back to what was familiar even if that familiarity has the power to hurt like hell. The unknown before me is terrifying and anything is better than this right? What’s before is shrouded in fog, it is dark and foreboding and forging through it takes superhuman effort but the small negative voice within me which at times roars like a waterfall tells me that I can’t do it! Take small steps, one step at a time, you don’t have to know everything, just trust and you will get there says this other shaky voice but there are no other options, moving forward is where I need to go.
Sometimes it is the boundaries we place around ourselves that trap us, that tell us that the imaginary world we live in is so much better than what is waiting out there. Sure it was painful but there was greatness too. It was filled with things I knew and cherished, in one word, it is irreplaceable. The stories we tell ourselves are the fences we place around us. Was yesterday that great? Did we embellish it like a Christmas tree to make it sparkle and shine when the reality is a different story? Do the stories we tell ourselves distort reality and yet it is the truth as we see it or is it because we want to see it that way?
Harold R. Johnson said, “We are all story. We are the stories we are told and we are the stories we tell ourselves. To change our circumstances, we need to change our story: edit it, modify it, or completely rewrite it.”
I don’t want to completely rewrite my past. I want to take the good parts with me, the bad parts I want to thank for teaching me lessons I would not have learned otherwise and the pain? Well, I want to leave that behind where it belongs. Enough tears have been shed, enough wishing that it could have been different has not made it less so and closing the door behind me and moving on is the way to go. The next chapter is waiting and yesterday is done with.
“Forget yesterday – it has already forgotten you. Don’t sweat tomorrow – you haven’t even met. Instead, open your eyes and heart to a truly precious gift – today.” Steve Maraboli
Here’s to yesterday. You taught me lessons I didn’t want to learn but had to accept. You gave me memories I will forever treasure. You made me who I am today and for that I will forever be thankful.
Both mom and dad have done positive things to further who I am and how I react to the world around me. However, I think it is dad who did something I will never forget and taught me to respect each and every individual regardless of skin color, ethnicity or race.
I remember I was fifteen at the time just emerging out of my tomboy phase. My close girlfriend was a Hindu. She invited me to go along to her temple for Pooja. It stands for worship and paying homage to the gods. I was into different cultures and learning as much about them was my goal at the time. I went along but it was very different from what I was used to as a Christian girl. Church was a sedate affair, however, the temple was different. It was noisy and the colors boomed with vibrancy and it was very crowded. Statues caught my eyes and they were painted in bright colors as well. We walked in and immediately we had to remove our shoes, then we had to break a coconut. It was followed by lighting incense and bowing to the deities and there were other things but I don’t quite remember them all now.
I did what was asked of me but I couldn’t wait to get back home. Once home, I walked in and blurted out to my dad, “It was so strange! I don’t know about Hinduism but it is not my thing!” Actually I used the term, “pagan” to get my point across, belligerence showing on my young face. Dad pinned me with his no nonsense gaze and said, “It is no different from our religion. Yes, they do things a little differently but they are praying to God. It’s all the same.” That took the wind out of my sails! I spent the rest of the evening thinking about what he had said and unknown to him he had taught me “tolerance” that day and that lesson has stood the test of time.
Perhaps, he taught me a bigger lesson and that is to RESPECT every person, every culture and every religion. I’m teaching my son to do the same thing. Here’s the thing, tolerance is not taught in schools, it begins at home.
Daily writing prompt
Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you.
I don’t do competitive sports so there is nothing I watch or play. I used to do fast walking in competitions but that was years ago. Now, it is just walking for exercise to keep fit and to get out in nature.
Men are into competitive sports I think. Tennis, football and golf just to name a few. When I was married, I used to watch football not because I was interested in it but because I kept him company and went through the motions of liking what I saw especially when the ball made a goal. Those days are done with.
When I was a kid, I used to play in the boy’s football team. Dad was the coach so he let me even though I was the only girl in an all boy’s team. I don’t think he liked it that much but dad being dad decided, “this too shall pass” and bit the bullet and said nothing much to it. It did pass. I’m a quieter version of who I used to be and if you’re looking down on me, mom and dad, go ahead and smile, I’m the “lady” you wanted me to be!
Here’s the thing, you may think that you’re the only person on earth who is alone for Christmas but did you know that there are thousands of people who spend Christmas alone? Christmas is a beautiful time of the year but for some who are alone, it can be downright excruciating. It can get depressing and you can dive into the doldrums of despair but there is something YOU can do about it.
Change Your Mindset
Yes, it’s all about that mindset. Instead of cowering in your bedroom and mourning about how sad you are, change it to my glass is half-full instead.
Let’s see. You have a roof over your head don’t you? You have food, warm clothes and you are safe while there are others out there who don’t have half of what you have. I’m sure they’ll gladly change places with you. Be thankful for what you have.
Get something good to eat. Enjoy spending time alone and be thankful you don’t have to deal with the stress. What stress? The stress of spending time with people you don’t like, the noise, the constant chatter and sounds of good cheer. It can get nerve-wrecking. Be thankful for the silence because if used wisely it can be your best friend.
Stay in your jammies all day! Check out a movie you’ve wanted to watch but never got around to it. Spend quality time with your pets or listen to your favorite music.
Turn your attention to your book collection. What about that book you’ve been wanting to read but never got around to it? Well, here’s the time to do just that.
Try deep breathing. It definitely helps me and sometimes I need to take a nap because nothing destresses like breathing for all you’re worth! Do a workout and work on getting yourself fit and buff. While all the others are “pigging out” you are on your way to looking pretty good!
Watch something funny on TV. It will help to boost that somber mood and make you feel much better. I tried it last night and watched Max Amini, a stand-up comedian and he was hilarious. It definitely helped to boost my mood because laughter releases those happy hormones. They are serotonin, dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin which help to reduce depression and anxiety as well. These feel-good hormones do much to get you out of the rut you’re in. It worked for me.
SMILE! Wear a perpetual smile on your face even if you don’t feel like it. Know that YOU are not the only one in this situation, there are thousands out there spending Christmas alone. Make the best of it and you’ll be just fine.
“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” Andy Borowitz
Ain’t that the truth?!!
Have a good one and wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, know this: YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT.
That song captures Christmas in a nutshell and it is the most wonderful time of the year, that’s true. It’s a time for lights, glitter, trees decked out in holiday cheer, and the scents and sounds of Christmas. Houses trimmed in lights, Santa and his elves taking centerstage and a time for joy and celebration. However, it is also a time for loneliness to take hold and for some of us a reminder that we are lacking in some aspects.
Memories of Christmases past gnaw at our insides as we miss the people who are no longer there, the ones who put a smile on our faces at Christmases past and there will be a feeling of not being whole and complete without them. It’s the time of year that brings home the fact that YOU are alone when others are gathering to celebrate the festival of cheer. It is a time to give thanks but also for mourning losses.
“Isn’t it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for I don’t know what exactly, but it’s something that you don’t mind so much not having at other times.” Katy L. Basher
I miss the big Christmases when mom and dad were there. The scent of duck roasting along with chestnuts and all the other goodies filling the air with anticipation and carollers trooping into the house shortly before midnight their angelic voices spreading good cheer to all. Later, when I had my own family, I remember the twinkle in my son’s eyes as he eyed the presents under the tree and watched as Christmas slowly began to unfold with good food, joy, grandma and grandpa and his mom and dad gathered around the fireplace. Much, much later, I remember Christmases with my dear friend, the one who passed away, and with my son but sans my ex and his family. Christmas was getting smaller but still a joyful affair. Fast forward to the here and now and it will be just Chachi, the cat, and yours truly this year. I’ve toned down the lights, Santa is in the cellar and won’t be spreading his brand of good cheer at the front door like he does every year and the tree will be missing. It will be a lonely Christmas because my son will be spending it somewhere else. I could have company if I wanted to but I’ve decided to do it alone this year.
I’ve come to the conclusion that Christmas is a feeling that we accentuate with presents, food, decorations, music, family and friends. Some will say it is hyped-up to the extent that we forget what it is really about. It is about the birth of Jesus in a manger a long time ago. He came to give us love, hope and joy and this is worth celebrating. All the rest is just icing on the cake, nothing more, nothing less.
This Christmas I will celebrate that message wholeheartedly because “goodness” is much needed in this world of ours where “bad” often takes top priority. Someone told me yesterday that the bad people are not being held accountable for the evil they put into this world and I agreed with him but that it only seems that way. I told him that I believe that they will pay the price when the time is right. He disagreed but that’s his opinion and that’s alright too.
Coming back to Christmas, if you’re dreading it, it’s time to change that mindset. Be grateful, be thankful and turn “loneliness” into something marvelous. Sometimes being alone is a Godsent. You have YOU and I’ve got my little guy in the fur coat to put good cheer on my face.
It’s unbelievable but we are approaching Christmas at a fast pace, faster than I would like. It’s just 21 days away so let me ask you, where did this year go? It seems to have come in on wings and just as swiftly it is getting ready to fly out of here.
“It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.” W. T. Ellis
The neighbors are trying frantically to out do each other as to who has the best Christmas decorations and I haven’t even started yet. The Christmas tree vendor has his little shack set up with trees both big and small. The call is inviting but I’ve decided no real tree this year. There is nothing better than the scent of fresh pine on a cold winter’s morning but I’m not up to the hassle of lugging that tree back to the house and setting it up. It is not in my repertoire of things to do this Christmas. Bah Humbug?!! Not really, I love Christmas in all its shapes and forms BUT I’m not expending too much energy this year. Scrooge? I hope not. I’m actually missing the guy who will help me with such things so I’m hoping he’s on the way and maybe, just maybe, Christmas will be an all out affair next year. One can only hope.
“Christmas isn’t a season. It’s a feeling.” Edna Ferber
What’s Christmas without the lights? Exactly! The house will be lit up like a neon sign but tastefully and candles will get the scent of Christmas going. My faithful Santa will take his rightful place at the front door as he does each year, all lit up, his cheeks red from the cold and grinning from ear to ear.
I like cozy so the fireplace will be going and couches and chairs will be decked out in Christmas blankets and cushions. Mary, Joseph and Baby Jesus along with The Three Wise Men will take their place of honor in a simple manger on a mantel by the fireplace and Christmas music will add to the atmosphere. Of course, there will be presents, it goes without saying but they won’t be under a huge Christmas tree. I’ll have them piled under a tiny fake tree but it will be pretty just the same.
I like Christmas, no, I LOVE Christmas! I love the scents and sounds of Christmas but more than that, I love the peaceful feeling that Christmas brings. There is just something about this time of year when it’s cold outside but there is warmth inside, not just indoors but in our hearts as well.
“May this Christmas, Santa fill your tree of life with presents of happiness, joy and love.” Unknown
Site Title 