It’s Sunday and too early in the morning to go that deep but I’ll give it a try since I just had my first cup of coffee and my mind is raring to go!
I would say “loss.” Many of us go through it and some of us refuse to learn from it. Loss to us is simply that. Losing something precious, losing a relationship for whatever the reason and of course death is the ultimate loss. These three things taught me that life is fragile but more importantly life is about learning because it (life) has lessons planned and learning and moving on is the only way to go. Standing still is not an option, screaming and howling is not an option, although you can try and I have, thumping your nose at it is not going to work either.
More than my marriage breaking up, I think it was death that brought home the fact that nothing lasts forever but I have strength, incredible strength within the kind that is capable of slaying monsters. First I had to accept that the person had moved on and I was left standing to pick up the pieces. It took crying, incredible grief, talking to myself, finding avenues to let that grief out but most of all when all was said and done, I took up the reins of life again and moved forward one step at a time and I am still moving forward although some days are harder than others. Loss teaches us that when one door closes another one opens. If you keep looking at that closed door, there is no moving forward but if you embrace and move through that open door there is a world of opportunities and new possibilities waiting to be discovered. Courage is needed and of course strength to push you through. It is still a learning process for me and I haven’t reached the pinnacle yet but maybe one day I will or maybe life is just that, when you think you’ve mastered a lesson along comes another. If that’s the case, make it a simpler one the next time around PLEASE!
Daily writing prompt
What experiences in life helped you grow the most?
This one is difficult too. There are so many phases and each one has taught me a different lesson about life. Whether I wanted to learn, accept and move on is a whole different story altogether! Most times it was met with digging in the heels and howling to the moon which is my usual response when something changes.
If I had to pick one, I would say it was leaving my childhood behind. I was a young girl who ran wild in the woods behind my home. It was a magical time and nothing can compare to that time of innocence where the world was at my feet to explore and to create. Yes, create. I came up with a world of my own, a safe world and a world filled with imagination and creativity. I talked to the birds, plunged in duck puddles, looked under huge mushrooms for “little people” and out of that world emerged my love for imagination and my penchant for writing. I was one with nature and it was a gorgeous place to be in.
It all changed when I got what all girls get. I thought I was dying at first but in actuality it was another kind of death. I had to grow up and leave that world of innocence behind because as mom put it, life demanded it of me. No more running around, no more traipsing around in the woods and no more jumping in anything I could find! Time to grow up and be a young lady. They (the parents) had to drag me to the water to make me drink it but as with all things where life is concerned, you have to bite the bullet and no matter how much it hurts, just DO IT! I did.
I am prim and proper now but some days when I am all alone and no one is watching, I want to go back there where my imagination was given free reign and the world came alive in colors, beautiful colors of the rainbow and more! It was a pristine world that lives within me no matter how old I get and I am thankful for all that it gave me. I don’t think I have ever really said goodbye to it, it’s there deep within me and when I need to I pull it out and see myself walking through that deep dark forest again where anything was possible and there was magic in its midst!
Daily writing prompt
Describe a phase in life that was difficult to say goodbye to.
I can say a lot of things here and pick some influential people who changed life for the better but I’m going to go with someone who makes my life a joy and one who is there from the moment I wake up to the time I turn off the lights and go to sleep.
If I could, I would like to be Chachi, the cat, or rather Little Einstein as he likes to be called. Some might say pick a person but this little furball is a person to me. I would like to see life through his eyes for a change. Sometimes I wonder what he thinks as he looks at me with those big green eyes, I see love but it might be something else altogether! I want to see what is missing in his life and what could be made better.
The little bundle of joy has me wrapped around his paws in more ways than one. I think a cat’s life can’t be beat well I am speaking about HIS! There is nothing to worry about, life is a breeze and now that I’ve removed the big Japanese cherry tree from the kitchen window, Chachi has a wide-screen TV! He spends his days following me around like a second shadow and his needs are taken care of. When he is bored, he sleeps the day away and when he feels like company, it’s Mommy time! Cuddles, hugs, and kisses are all part of his daily existence and he gets plenty of those. So I say, I would like to be Chachi for a day. The laid-back existence is appealing and “no thinking” and “no worries” makes it a life I would like to experience for a day.
Daily writing prompt
If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why?
“When you are your own best friend, you don’t endlessly seek out relationships, friendships, and validation from the wrong sources because you realize that the only approval and validation you need is your own.” Mandy Hale
How often have you looked to others for validation, to lift you up, to make you feel important, to give their approval and to make you feel loved? I know I have and found myself wallowing in self-pity or even questioning “me” as a person. I am learning that loving yourself comes first. YOU are important, what you tell yourself is important. Be kind and gentle here because the way you talk to yourself is important. Work on yourself, it is the key element to get you out of the rut. What rut? The stuck in the mud rut. Your goal is to get you moving to a better life and to feel comfortable with yourself.
Invest in Yourself
This may sound like a new concept because we spend a lot of our energy and money investing in materialistic things but in our rush to please ourselves, we forget the all-important person who is left wanting. Invest in time spent with yourself, this doesn’t take much but dedication. A walk in nature to nurture your soul, meditation to look inwards and find peace, working out to bolster your health or even spend time talking to yourself. If you have the means, pamper yourself. Go for a massage, get a facial, get a manicure or pedicure and no, it doesn’t mean you are vain. It just means you are putting yourself first and showing love to the person who matters the most and that is YOU.
Invest in your Environment
Your home is your castle? Work to make it that way. Spruce up your garden, plant flowers that give you joy when they bloom and fill your space with color. Redo your living area and or your bedroom and add things to make you feel comfortable. Make it a place you love spending time in and love coming back to but most of all, a place where you can relax and pamper your soul.
Get Rid of the Unwanted
This is hard. If you want to be your own best friend, you need to make space for the important things. Get rid of the things that bog you down, the people who make you question who you are because they are in a bad place in their lives. If their only goal in life is to bring you down to their level of despair, let them go! Sometimes getting rid of the unwanted makes room for what is needed. New friends, love, laughter, joy and peace.
Say this to yourself and mean it.
“You are hands down, my favorite person.” Unknown
Being your own best friend takes time as it is with everything that matters. Be forgiving, speak softly and lovingly to yourself, encourage yourself, love yourself and work towards looking in the mirror and loving the person staring back at you. Be your own validation and life will get easier.
How to be your own best friend:
“Look in the mirror and give yourself a high-five.
Ask yourself often, “how are you feeling?”
Cry when you need to.
Give yourself a hug.
Forgive yourself for going back to old patterns and behaviors.
Encourage yourself with words you would use to encourage a friend.” Unknown
Mandy Hale is a blogger turned New York Times bestselling author and speaker but what captures your attention as far as her quotes are concerned is her ability to connect to the heart of the matter. She is “inspirational, straight-talking. witty” and she empowers women around the world with her quotes. Here are some of my favorites for you to enjoy.
“The only keeper of your happiness is you. Stop giving people the power to control your smile, your worth and your attitude.”
“There is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others.”
“The key to happiness is letting each situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be.”
“Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path.”
“To make a difference in someone’s life you don’t have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful, or perfect, you just have to care.”
“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.”
It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.”
“Never forget that walking away from something unhealthy is BRAVE, even if you stumble a little on your way out the door.”
“Don’t sacrifice your peace trying to point out someone’s true colors, lack of character always reveals itself in the end.”
“There is no model, no actress, no Miss America contender that can outshine a happy, confident, secure woman.”
“The real character of a person is revealed not in how they begin a relationship, but how they end one.”
The next one is where I’m at and it’s hard trusting and believing that “better” is on the way but I’m going to take that chance.
“Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible.”
Pay attention to this one. There is a whole world of truth in that one quote.
“The right man for you will move mountains to be with you, he won’t hide behind them.”
“You’ve got to learn to leave the table when love’s no longer being served.” Nina Simone
This quote brought a smile to my face. How often have we done exactly that? How often have we held on when it was absolutely clear that no amount of cajoling or talking someone into whatever it is you want from them was ever going to change the situation. If that someone does not love you or has stopped loving you, MOVE ON! Learn to leave with your dignity intact.
Easier said than done right? When I found out that my husband of 17 years had been cheating on me something broke within me. I can’t explain it. I became numb. After it wore off, I went into the, “I’ve got to save this marriage mode.” The truth was there was no saving what was never there. When he chose to cheat, he broke the sacred bond between us, broke the trust into a millions pieces, disrespected me and declared our love to be a non-entity. How do you save something that was broken beyond repair? Still I sat at that table. I refused to leave thinking we could go back to a semblance of what was. I cried, I begged and even made a fool of myself but chasing him after he had done wrong only gave him more power over me. He didn’t see his wife or the broken woman before him, he saw someone he could manipulate and decided that he could have his cake and eat it too. When that didn’t work, he walked chasing greener pastures so to speak. Unfortunately or fortunately, cheating never pays and soon that “green pasture” turned into a desert and it was over before he could say, “Hello!”
Commitment is a tricky thing. Sometimes we look for it in all the wrong places. We latch on and even if all the signs tell us to tread lightly we rush in refusing to budge thinking that if we just waited long enough, something will give and sitting at the table of “no love” will turn into something glorious. The truth of the matter is as Matthew Hussey put it so succinctly,
“You shouldn’t try to sell a car to someone who’s in the market for a bike.”
I am learning that I’m NOT looking for the guy who wants to buy the bike, he can have it for all I care. I don’t think I’m even trying to sell a car. These days, I know that I don’t have to sell anything. I am good enough as I am, no selling required!
“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.” Roy T. Bennett
I’ve got Norah Jones singing, “Sunrise, sunrise,” and the mellow sounds of a voice that is smooth as silk is helping to calm an overactive mind. If that doesn’t work, I have Katie Melua on standby!
“Sunday is a good day to save the world in one’s pyjamas.” Adrienne Posey
If you ask me, that concept works everyday! Sunday is a day to rest and relax and maybe do some of the things you’ve been neglecting to do during the week. I’ve got two loads of laundry to do, it’s a must because I’m running out of fresh PJs! You know how I love hanging around in them.
“Sunday. Take it slow and give your soul a chance to catch up with your body.” Unknown
I really need a facial so I’m going to give myself one today. The mask is out and in a little while I’ll be looking like the creature that walked out of the Black Lagoon. Conditioning the hair is next. Long hair needs care and mine is looking a little down in the dumps lately. Half an hour of the nourishing mask should do the trick to have it back to its shiny bouncy self! There are a few more things to do as far as self-care is concerned but I’ll keep them to myself!
“Sunday is the day to give yourself all the love and care you didn’t on weekdays.” Unknown
Right now, I’ve got my little guy, Chachi, the cat, or “Einstein” as he wants to be called cuddling up next to me and purring up a storm. I’ve turned up the volume and Norah is on to:
When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching tear-drops in my hand.
Hmm…..the lady has the smoothest voice and it makes me want to fly away as well!
I don’t love Sundays as I should because that “overactive” mind has time to reflect and when it does there is no stopping it! However, Ms. Jones is doing a great job of soothing the unruly beast!
Jalal al-Din Rumi was a 13th century poet. He was born in Afghanistan and he was a Sufi mystic whose poetry embraces themes of “overcoming fear and persevering through challenges.” He speaks of finding strength in vulnerability and to be grateful for whatever comes. I find courage and beauty in his words and it touches my soul AND his words are one of great wisdom.
“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.”
I do act small when first faced with adversity but it is only a matter of time before I rise again knowing that I can deal with this too.
“I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.”
This one speaks to who I am, I am one with nature and I find freedom with the animals and the bird life and often I want to sing like I used to as a young child not caring who listens or who is watching. I do that with my writing too.
“If everything around you seems dark, look again, you may be the LIGHT.”
Simply beautiful and when darkness surrounds seeing the light in you doesn’t seem like a bad thing to me.
“The wound is the place where the light enters you.”
This one tugged at my heart when I first saw it. My first thought, I don’t feel the light but he is speaking of another kind of light, the kind that teaches and heals.
“The moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given, the door will open.”
Moving on requires acceptance and that is precisely the point here. Done that many times over.
“When you go through a hard period, when everything seems to oppose you, when you feel you cannot even bear one more minute, NEVER GIVE UP! Because it is the time and place that the course will divert!”
I guess you have to hit ground zero before life turns around. Can we make it a little easier please?
“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”
This one makes grieving a little less painful, at least it did for me.
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today, I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
This last one is so poetic. Yes I wanted to change the world, I still do but nowadays it is more about changing “me” first.
“Good friends are like stars. You don’t always see them, but you know they’re always there.” Unknown
Yesterday, I got an unexpected message from a friend I hadn’t seen or heard from in a long while.
It said: “Hi T, checking on you, you doing ok?”
I replied I had hurt my knee and he said, “Cut back on the workouts! Wrap it up or put a band on it.”
We talked about meeting up when the weather turned and got better. It was short and sweet but “friends” are just that. They show up when least expected and they show concern and caring for your well-being.
“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.” Eleanor Roosevelt.
There are many types of friendships. However, to call someone a friend, “the relationship must be long-lasting, it must be positive, and it must involve cooperation.” The deepest type of friendship is “one in which we feel seen and loved for exactly who we are,” and the lowest form is the user-based type. “It is the kind that is based on selfishness and instability” and it is all take but when there is no more giving to be had, it unravels and disappears.
I choose who my friends are carefully, therefore, I don’t have a huge friendship circle. I have acquaintances who I meet infrequently but I don’t let them into my heart, only a few make it there. Fair weather friends they are aplenty and there are those who profess to love you but when you need a shoulder to lean on, they are nowhere to be seen.
“When friendships are real, they are not glass threads or frost work, but the solidest things we can know.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Choose your friends carefully or who you call or give the label of “friend” to. Friends matter but keep in mind that quality is better than quantity. Give your true friends the loving and caring they deserve and keep them close to your heart because sometimes they take the place of family and that is saying a whole lot.
“Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it’s good just knowing they’re there.” Unknown
I’ll finish by saying, “Thank you, you made my day,” to the friend who called out of the blue. Yes, I’ll cut back on the workouts and I’ll remember I’m not a spring chicken anymore but my body still thinks I am!
Love is elusive, it has been said. It is hard to pin down said another. Sometimes it hides in plain sight but it is the one thing that we can’t live without says the heart. Sure, we can pretend that it doesn’t matter if we have love or not and convince ourselves that it is absolutely alright but in those moments when all is quiet and you’re left looking up at the night sky all lit up with a million stars, that is when your heart reminds you that there is more to life than standing here all alone surrounded by such beauty. It is at those moments that your heart yearns for something more, someone to hold, someone to share hugs and kisses with and that one special someone who will finally complete you.
“It’s impossible,” said pride.
“It’s risky,” said experience.
“It’s pointless,” said reason.
“Give it a try,” whispered the heart. Unknown.
Giving it a try is easy. Taking the risk, we’ve all tried that. Impossible and pointless? I don’t know about that but I’m on the search for love, true love. Not the “whishy washy” variety that disguises itself as love but in reality is far from it. This kind of love has the potential to break your heart in two or more pieces if given the chance but I’m looking for the type that can weather any storm. However, I have the tendency to jump in with both feet where love is concerned but I am learning as I go along. The solution could be that we need to stop doing this below.
“Stop planting flowers in peoples yards who aren’t going to water them.” Hylyrikz.com
How many times have we done that? Plenty of times? I know I’ve done that many times over knowing full well that I was stepping on dangerous ground. Yet, I kept on doing it saying, “It has potential, it could be what I’ve been looking for.” And what is that?” you might ask. Is it someone who treats you like you are ordinary? You deserve much more and I deserve much more than that. Ordinary is not my thing, has never been and will never be my thing. If someone you love treats you as “ordinary” it is time to move on and look for that someone who shows you that you are “extraordinary.”
“If he misses you, he’ll call.
If he wants you, he’ll say it.
If he cares, he’ll show it.
And if not, he can’t be worth your time.” Unknown.
This quote says it all. The journey to finding love is hard enough but if you have someone who doesn’t show you all of the above, it is time to move on. Love is not about you chasing someone with no reciprocation in return. It is the meeting of minds and of hearts but it is so much more than that. The caring will show if the love is there. Pay attention to what is shown because it will show you the reality of the situation. Which brings me to the last part.
“Never apologize for trusting your intuition – your brain can play tricks, your heart can blind, but your gut is always right.” Rachel Wolchin
Listen to your gut, we’ve heard that often enough right? How often have we turned our backs on it? I know I have more times than I can count on the fingers of one hand. It was my way of turning a blind eye when the truth was staring me in the face. I’ve walked down paths I should not have and at times the pain was unbearable but I had only myself to blame. Pay attention to that gut feeling, it only has your best interest at heart.
The path I am on is scary, the unknown always is but armed with what I have learned from 2024, I am confident that I am headed in the right direction. I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, take a couple of deep breaths and keep on moving. If I stumble along the way and fall which I know I will, it is alright. I will gather up yet another lesson learned and keep moving to the finish line. The end goal is finding love, the kind that will last a lifetime not just for the here and now. When I do find that elusive someone it will not be about completing me but more about adding to who I am and making me feel absolutely extraordinary!
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