love – Page 15 – Site Title

Dating Loopholes (Archives)

Everyone knows that being out there in the dating scene is hard and not always an easy path to navigate. Not only is it filled with unknowns but meeting the right guy is made harder by the following characters who give ‘love’ a bad name.

The Scammers

If you’ve never met them, consider yourself lucky. Some of us are not that fortunate. They come across as ‘nice guys’ who had faced some form of tragedy in their lives. It is usually the loss of a loved one through an accident or illness. They often have a child they are raising alone and are usually well-heeled (or so they say) meaning they have BIG jobs and money to throw out the window. Here’s where it starts getting iffy. They fall in love immediately without having met you and they want to spend the rest of their lives with you. At some point they will hit you up for cash. It could come as a medical emergency, an oil-rig disaster or something as simple as leaving their credit card at home. Play it smart and give these losers a wide berth. The only thing they’re interested in is your hard-earned cash and nothing more.

The Volatile Type

This loose cannon should be in anger management training but he’s out there, more like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. At first glance a regular guy, but on closer inspection, a bomb waiting to explode. It doesn’t take but the slightest nudge and he’s off and running spewing volcanic ash in his wake. Here again, keep your distance and DO NOT ENGAGE! You’ll be in a losing battle if you do.

The Egomaniac

An egomaniac is “someone who thinks only of themselves and does not care if they harm other people in order to get what they want.” He usually walks in like he has the world at his feet and thinks it is all about him. Beautiful women are his target but he’ll settle for less if they’ll spruce up his ego in return. He thinks the world of himself and his over-inflated ego is his best buddy. Together they’re an unbeatable team so stay away if you want to walk away with your heart intact.

The Sugar Daddies (aka Sugar Grand Daddy)

I’m sure you’ve heard of Sugar Daddies, they are defined as “a rich, older man who gives money, gifts, etc., to someone (such as a young woman) in exchange for sex, friendship, etc.” They’re out there but I’m talking about the new breed of old men. They’re are in their 80’s and looking for the last “Hurrah!” They want much younger women or YOUNGER-looking women and they’re up front by saying, “I don’t want the ‘Grandma’ types. They are like J. Howard Marshall looking for their Anna Nicole Smith types or Rupert Murdoch, where young, beautiful, and nothing up there will do. The problem with these types is that in actuality they’re looking for a nurse to take them to the end of the road. They don’t like being alone, no one does, so they’re in a rush to batten down the hatches before it is too late. Money is no problem and if a few wrinkles and loose skin get in the way, so what is their motto. Be very clear about what you’re getting into. Most times, they have children who are waiting in the fringes ready to pounce when ‘daddy’ dearest says goodbye so it may not always go as planned, if you’re waiting for that big pay day which might never come. It’s not always a win-win situation with these guys.

There you have it, four more types to watch out for. Dating is not for the weak of heart and neither can you go in with your eyes closed. It takes ‘smarts’ to find the right guy and chutzpah to wiggle your way out if he turns out to be the wrong one. Stay safe.

“If dating a wrong person was a talent, I would be at Paris Olympics representing my country.” Unknown

Update:

I’m still looking for the needle in the haystack but currently taking a break from the dating scene to go within and to find out why I keep making the same mistakes like falling for the wrong types. I am finding some answers but clarity is not there yet. So until I do, dating is on the backburner.

What Ifs (Archives)

The dictionary defines a WHAT-IF as a “question that asks someone to imagine what might happen or what might have happened.” Life is full of what-ifs and some of us live our lives carrying that load around knowing full well that it will never become a reality.

We carry the “what ifs” of the past, present and the future that makes life a caricature of what it should be. We whip out the “what ifs” of yesterday to justify where we are today and they affect your present and future like a ripple effect.

We ask:

What if we had stayed together? Life would be so much better today wouldn’t it? Well would it?

What if he/she hadn’t died on me? We would have a wonderful life today. Is that guaranteed or just make-believe?

What if I hadn’t done X, Y, or Z, I would have a completely different life now. Really?

What ifs are suppositions that tend to paint our world in make-believe colors, whatever they may be. The fact is ‘what ifs’ can’t change what has happened and there are no guarantees that if they hadn’t happened, we would be in a different place today. Whatever happened, it happened and for whatever the reason. It was bad but there is no going back. It is a part of the past, accept it and move on.

“That’s the thing about ‘what ifs’; they don’t matter. They don’t change anything. All they do is make it unable for you to heal.” Lindy Zart

So you loved someone with all your heart and that person left you, it happened and they live on in memories nothing more. Accept it and move on. YOU have a life to live.

Someone hurt you in the past. They knew what they were doing but you don’t have to keep paying a price for their meanness. They will reap what they sowed at some point in time. Remember what goes around comes around. Yours is not to ask when or how. All in good time. Let it go and heal.

Life happened and threw you a curveball and you are still asking what if? It doesn’t matter but what matters is that you are in the here and now and those ‘what ifs’ don’t matter anymore only if you let them.

“What” and “if” are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.” Unknown

What if? What if? What if?

Let’s change it to “Why not.”

Why not have a great life? You deserve it don’t you?

Why not leave the past behind you where it belongs? The dead do the haunting not the living. Let it be.

Why not laugh, smile, jump for joy, live and move on? It is your right to do so, isn’t it?

Leave the ‘what ifs’ where they belong. Not in the past, not in the present and not in the future. However, if it keeps bugging you, ask “now what?” Stay in the present and look towards the future and you’ll be just fine. Let’s give the pesky ‘what ifs’ a heave ho and right out the door!

Have an amazing day.

Einstein’s Check Up

Photo by Ermelinda Maglione on Pexels.com

Every year, Chachi, the cat or Einstein as he likes to be called gets a thorough check up. This involves everything and I mean everything.

I don’t look forward to it because Einstein usually has a panic attack and me more so. It takes preparation and lots of it. I trim his nails, give him a good cleaning and his coat gets a thorough brushing the day before the check up. The dining area needs to prepared. I usually lay a blanket on the table and his cat pass is close by.

This year was different. Half an hour before the vet showed up, I put Einstein in his carrier. He immediately put up a fight and let out a heart-wrenching meow. I spoke softly to calm him down but he kept on meowing making a strange sound. He wanted out of his confined space and pronto! When that didn’t work, he went quiet and bided his time till he could show me just how much he hated this procedure.

The vet showed up on time and we brought Einstein to the dining room area. However, the little guy was more than ready. The minute I unzipped the carrier, he took off like a bullet. The only room he could escape to was the fireplace area. He wasted no time doing just that. Taking refuge behind the sofa, he stayed there as quiet as a mouse. The vet decided to step in and somehow managed to grab him and brought him back to the table. It might have gone smoother had we gone to the vet’s office but too late now!

The vet proceeded to check Einstein’s ears, his teeth, his eyes and finally his butt! It was an all clear and then it was time to give him his yearly shot. I thought here we go again! However, Einstein decided to play dead and took it like a champ. The last part was the deworming pill and that was it. I picked Einstein up but I noticed that he had flattened the top of his head and his ears were pointing outwards like a little Yoda. What came next was totally unexpected. Einstein decided to show me just how PISSED off he was! He scratched me on the collarbone as I opened the door to let him out. He was gone in a blinding second as he dashed up the stairs and into the bedroom.

Shaking his head, the vet said cats are unpredictable creatures and they love to scratch and bite. The problem is Einstein never scratches but I guess he decided to show me that he was just going to put up with so much and NO MORE! The rest of the day was calm but Einstein kept his distance eyeing me with suspicion each time our eyes locked. It took a while before he thawed out and by bedtime, he snuggled up to me and spent the rest of the night there saying, “A cat’s life is not easy especially when you’ve got a human loving the hell out of you!”

This year done, next year is another story.

Cat Fact: Once you own a cat, the probability that you bring up cats in conversation increases by 200%.

@mickeyandmort

Ain’t that the truth!

The Awakening

This one is embarrassing. The best compliment I’ve ever received was when I was in my early 20s and it was given to me by a group of businessmen.

I was in Singapore at the time and in McDonalds meeting a girlfriend for lunch. Sitting behind us was a group of men in suits. They kept staring but I didn’t pay it much mind. After 20 minutes they got up and left. I was glad because they made me uneasy for some reason. A few minutes later they walked back in. There were about 10 of them altogether so I froze in mid-conversation. They walked to our table, one guy had a single rose in his hand and an envelope. He didn’t say a word as he handed me both, smiled and they left. The place was eerily quiet as everyone glanced over at us.

I opened the envelope and there was a card in it. It said:

“To the most beautiful girl in Singapore.”

It also contained 30 dollars to pay for lunch I guess. Nothing else. No telephone number nothing. I never saw them again but that chance meeting has stayed in my memory because it literally blew my mind!

I was a wild child in my teens running around barefoot in the forest and playing with the ducks and most days I was covered with mud from head to toe but I loved it. I blossomed when I was 16 and those things were put aside. I never thought of myself as a beauty but things changed. I went from being a tomboy to a quiet young woman. More introvert than anything else. That compliment was my awakening to a different world. Beauty is more than a buzz word, beauty is power in some cases. These days they still tell me I am attractive but I march to a different drumbeat. It is more about the inner beauty and not about the fading kind.

Daily writing prompt

What was the best compliment you’ve received?

View all responses

The Most Confident Person I Know

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

This is a hard one and this early in the morning? My mind is doing a scramble to unravel that mystery because I’ve known many people in my life who seemed very confident and had a handle on this thing called life.

If I had to narrow it down to one person, I would say it was my mom. She is no longer here but her presence remains and is a constant reminder that I can do all things as she did in her life. She was a petite person but a giant when it came to raising her children. Some would call her an “helicopter mom” because her life was based around us and she was constantly looking out for us but when it came to parenting, she was a one woman parenting machine! I take many of my cues from her when it comes to my son and the questions he has. She had answers to every question and believe me there were many many questions!

Part of that parenting system didn’t cater to a rambunctious young girl because I wanted things my way but she stood her ground. She stood up to adversity like a pro and challenges were just that, something to be conquered or handled and that was it. No berating herself like I do. I remember her standing tall even at the worst times in her life and even when her life came to an end because someone chose to end it, she put up a fight. She was and is, the most confident person I know and have known. She had faith in herself and in God and these two things combined together were an unbeatable team. I am confident but nowhere close to where she was but I am learning to embrace my own strength and I see confidence in how I handle things as well. Perhaps the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree as they say.

Half-Hearted Connections (Archives)

“You don’t deserve a half-hearted love. You don’t deserve someone who can only promise you pieces and not the whole. You don’t deserve someone who’s walking around investing time in other some ones. You don’t deserve a person who can’t commit.” Marisa Donnelly

Have you ever fallen for an emotionally-unavailable man? Have you ever wondered why you’re on a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs and you don’t know if you’re coming or going? If you’re caught up in a never-ending cycle of being taken for a ride, it’s time to get off.

An emotionally unavailable man is typically defined as, “not willing or able to truly commit to you and be loyal to you. This type of man will often want to keep things casual and undefined so as to not deal with any of the emotional components that go into a long-term relationship.”

The problem is even though these men are not available, it doesn’t stop them from being out there on the dating scene. They don’t want long-term but pretend that they do. They send out mixed signals and at times it seems like they want “forever” but it is more in their mind than anything else. The message they deliver is a confusing one and just when you think that you’ve found the one, they’ll show you different in a not so nice way. They’re there one minute, ghost you the next or worse still take up with someone else right before your very eyes. This is a relationship where you’re the non-entity and it is all about them.

How do you know if they’re emotionally unavailable? Here are some signs according to Victoria Miretti.

They cannot say they are looking for a long term committed relaitonship.

They don’t court you.

They struggle to have emotional or in depth conversations.

Their words and actions don’t match.

They are inconsistent.

You don’t experience a steady upward progression in the relationship.

I had the unfortunate experience of meeting one such person. He walked in like a hurricane ready to sweep everything away in his path and I was just coming out of a storm. He had all the makings of “the guy.” The relationship if you can call it that took off like a whirlwind but each time we got close, he took 10 steps back. I noticed the hesitation and put it down to fear because I was feeling the same thing. The problem was I was willing to settle for crumbs knowing full well that they were crumbs because I was coming from a place of lack myself. Having just lost a special someone, I was looking for a relationship. It was a perfect meeting of the minds. The only problem, it wasn’t enough and I knew what a good relationship should look like. This one was sorely lacking but I put up with the charade.

“Life is too short for half-hearted connections and meaningless run-throughs.” Unknown

Low-effort men do not invest in you because they can’t. They find it easy to walk away and take up with someone new in a matter of days or more specifically even before the relationship has ended because their emotions don’t run very deep and hurting someone is part and parcel of how they operate. It is a place where nothing affects them because their heart is under lock and key. A no man’s land or rather a no woman’s land as far as they are concerned. So why even be out there? I guess everyone needs love and if you hurt someone along the way what’s the big deal, right? The problem is, it is a big deal to the person who gets hurt in the process.

“Never put them first, if you always come last. Never give your all, if you only get half.” Unknown

If you’ve read my article, “Dating No-Gooders,” you’ll know that they are out there along with all the others that give “dating” a bad name. One false move will get you to where you don’t want to be. If you’re looking for Mr. Right, know that it is a dangerous world out there so step lightly. If he’s unavailable and shows the signs from the get go, leave him alone and move on. Some people cannot love you the way you want to be loved AND you’re too valuable to settle for anything less or for half-hearted connections.

How do you know if he’s emotionally available? According to singleover30.net, here are some signs to look out for.

If a man is present with you when he is with you, that’s a good sign.

This is not always true from my experience. The person I knew was all there when we spent time together and gave me the impression that he wasn’t shying away from anything but he was emotionally unavailable and hence the confusion.

He is comfortable talking about his feelings.

He is willing to talk about the progression of the relationship.

He won’t waste your time with half-hearted promises.

He will be interested in you and your life.

He prioritizes spending time with you.

Therapist: You saw the red flags though, right?

Me: I thought it was a carnival.

That says it all.

Have an amazing day.

The Impossible?

If I had to write a letter to my 100-year-old self, I would say you made it to the impossible! I didn’t think you would make it to such a grand old age and never wanted to but here you are and here goes…..

Dear Self,

First of all, you are looking good in spite of the wrinkles, the bald spot and the toothless grin! The outward appearance doesn’t signify the inside. There is tremendous wisdom within that years of living “life” has instilled. You are no longer afraid and fear has taken a back seat and in its place is a sense of peace, calm and joy. It took a long time getting there but you made it. I see a person who is frail but the frailty is just the appearance and doesn’t speak for the person within.

You lived a life filled with challenges and took each one as it came and mastered it or maybe not mastered it but you did the best you could with it. You never gave up and that my dear 100-year-old self speaks to who you are. You are strong, you are capable and like the tree in the storm you bent when you needed to and you swayed when you needed to but you never broke. If you did break at some point, you put yourself back together again and stood back up stronger and more beautiful than ever. Looking at you I don’t see what age has done to you but I see the beauty within, the strength within and a spirit that refuses to be broken even now.

Here’s to you, may you live a long and peaceful life and if it means another 100 added on than so be it. You can weather whatever comes your way.

Your proud self.

Daily writing prompt

Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.

View all responses

A Proud Mom

“Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.” Nishan Panwar

My son asked me recently, “Mom why do you still worry about me? I’ve been on my own for some time now.”

It’s true. He moved away to finish his studies and has been on his own and managing whatever he needed to do single-handedly.

My answer to that question: “I’ll always worry about you no matter how old you get.”

He is now on the cusp of starting another chapter in his life. Studies are over and his first job is waiting on the horizon. It means moving to wherever the job is and starting out with no safety net beneath him. It also means learning to fly on his own and to take care of whatever comes his way. I know he is fully capable of doing the unknown. He showed us recently just how capable he is. There were days of uncertainty and not knowing which way to go. How to get started when “no job experience” was staring him in the face. Most of all he was afraid of taking that all important step of cutting ties with two people who had always been there for him. Just like the baby bird learning to fly he had to move slowly but move he must. There was no other way.

He got rejections that is part and parcel of the process. Shaking it off like water off a duck’s back wasn’t easy but he did it. Suddenly he got his first job interview. It was nerve-wracking but he handled it well. The job was his if he wanted it! However, it wasn’t what he wanted although it paid well. His reply, “I’m not that type,” meaning the job demanded more than what he was willing to put in. He knew himself well. It was off to another job interview. He made it through with flying colors and was offered a two day trial period. He slayed the dragon! The second and final interview was yesterday. He went there like a lamb to the slaughter only to find that he had landed the job! He has his first job in the bag. Looming on the horizon is another job interview, this one could be the “forever” job. The interview date is set and he will show up for it. It will take him further away and I told myself I couldn’t handle the distance but I know and he knows that we’ve handled much more than distance in our lives. We will somehow handle this too.

The little boy whose hands I held as a young child is getting ready to take life by the horns and he is getting ready to go it alone. Part of me can’t believe this is happening and the other part is learning to let him go, to let him fly, to go where he needs to and to live life to the fullest. I am so proud of him although I still see him as the little boy he was, not this grown-up young man as he is now. I will still be the wind beneath his wings and I will cheer him on from the sidelines as I have done all these years. He knows I am his ally and his staunchest supporter and that will never change but my voice will be quieter now as he learns to listen to his own.

Just one little bit of advice. I’ll pass it on to you as my mom did a long time ago when I was getting ready to fly. She said, “If you fall down, stand back up, dust yourself off and keep on moving.” Words of wisdom that has stood the test of time in my life. Always remember failure is not an option. You are built to succeed and you will, come hell or high water. One more thing, YOU CAN DO THIS!

I wish you well my son, I am so proud of you.

KINDNESS (Archives)

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Leo Buscaglia

Kindness or being kind is no longer as important as it used to be. We live in a self-obsessed world and when once we used to have close interactions with people, it is now being replaced with chats, text messages or quick hellos and goodbyes. The emoji is front and center when it comes to showing you care and there is one for every emotion you can think of including sadness. We’ve become so impersonal that closeness is a thing of the past and showing emotions much less so. We live in a fast paced world where technology is king and people a commodity like anything else.

Yet, we haven’t changed much or have we? I think we have. People have become much more self-centered and ‘me’ first is often the case. If you hurt someone these days you send an emoji to say you’re sorry. It could be in the form of a one tear- drop emoji or just a kiss emoji and you’ve done your ‘compassion’ and ‘kindness’ part. However, this makes it hard to have a human connection when you come across as a robot. The more we rely on technology to do the human stuff, the less your heart interacts and hardens to a point. Kindness is a very human trait and it can’t be replaced by emojis no matter how cute they are. It is just a stop-gap measure. The warmth of kindness comes from within, deep within your soul and emojis and other futuristic entities masquerading as the real thing can never take the place of human emotions no matter how advanced technology gets and that’s the truth.

Case in point: I was sad the other day and I shared that with a friend. Immediately he sent a kiss emoji and the word ‘sorry.’ That was it, he had done his job on being human or so he thought but I was left feeling like it could have been a little more, how about the human touch, it was sorely missing. A conversation would have been nice or even checking to see if I was ok from time to time but looking at it from his standpoint he had shown his compassion with an emoji and besides anything else would have taken too much time from his day and he had more important things to do.

Helping each other is fast becoming a thing of the past and so are other forms of kindness. We are a ‘me’ society first and foremost and everything else takes a back seat AND we have an app for everything so why even bother with being nice? Do we have an app for kindness as well? I’ll have to check on that because I’ve been showing kindness the old-fashioned way. Smiles, warm hugs, eye contact and a helping hand are still my go-to for kindness and it works just fine from the human angle.

“Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” Unknown

How about sharing a smile? It is known as the universal language of kindness after all. When was the last time you smiled at someone? When did you even look up from your phone, tablet or computer to really look at the world around you? It’s becoming a lost art, this human interaction thing and it’s scary.

“It only takes a split second to smile and forget, yet to someone that needed it, it can last a lifetime.” Steve Maraboli

Here’s a call to bringing kindness back. I’m not talking about the “I care but only for a split second,” or “I see your tears but I can’t give you a hug because I’m too busy,” variety. I’m talking about reaching out and showing you really do care. It is going to take a little bit of your time, effort and patience but the rewards are plentiful. That human touch needs to be put front and center again and let’s just use those cute little emojis ONLY when we have no other choice. Start with a warm smile and the rest takes care of itself.

“Sometimes it takes only one act of kindness and caring to change a person’s life.” Jackie Chan

Have an amazing day.

The Wrong Guy (Archives)

He’s the wrong guy if he does some or all of the things below. There are reasons why he’s the wrong guy so pay attention to your heart and listen to your intuition. It has your best interest at heart. The following quotes clearly speak to the heart of the matter.

“So many girls fall in love with the wrong guy simply because the wrong guy usually says all the right things.” Unknown

“The wrong man will always find reasons to leave. While, the right man will always find enough reasons to stay.” Unknown

“The wrong person makes you beg for attention, affection, love and commitment. The right person gives you these things because they love you.” Unknown

“The right attention from the wrong guy during a lonely time could fool you into thinking he might be the one.” Unknown

Loneliness creates dire circumstances and this is one of them. Finding our way to the wrong guy is made so much easier when loneliness steps in.

“Don’t settle. It’s better to face a little loneliness now than a lifetime of loneliness with the wrong person.” Mandy Hale

“When it’s the wrong person, anything you ask is too much.” Steve Maraboli

“At your absolute best, you still won’t be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right person.” Unknown

Pay special attention to this one because with the wrong guy, it is never enough. Nothing you do will be enough and he’ll find excuses for why that is so. It is not you, it is him.

“Never let the wrong man waste your time and precious energy.” Unknown

If he’s the right one, he’ll find his way to you. If he’s not, he’ll be gone in a blinding minute. Sit up and take notice before it’s too late. The wrong guy is not your destiny but rather he walks in to teach you a lesson. Love is not made up of moments spent together, IT IS moments treasured together and the wrong guy will just provide lip service with no substance to it and when it comes down to showing he cares, he’s nowhere to be found. The wrong guy will walk at a moment’s notice and will even tell you to leave while the right one will weather the storm and sometimes even walk you through that storm. Wait for that person and do not settle for anything less than love, respect and commitment.

“Ladies, the right man for you will pursue you. Actively. He won’t leave you wondering whether he’s into you or not.” Mandy Hale

AND

If you want to find happiness, stay the hell away from a**holes! This is something I have to drill into my head as well.

Have an amazing day.