love – Page 15 – Site Title

This Friendship Thing (Archives)

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“Sometimes you need someone to be there for you. Not to fix the problem or offer advice or do anything in particular, but simply to be there. To show up. To be present with what you’re feeling. To see what you’re going through. To see you, understand you.” Unknown

Can men and women just be friends? This is the question that popped up, “When Harry Met Sally,” and sent some of us scrambling for answers. The answer as far as I’m concerned is that it is next to impossible in most cases.

I used to be the proverbial tomboy in my younger days and as such I had some wonderful friendships with the boys I hung out with. It was nothing sexual but of the innocent variety. I had my pigtails tucked under my cap and my ensemble of shorts and t-shirt had seen better days but I was for all purposes one of the boys.

It all changed when I turned sixteen. I got asked out on my first date. He was cute and I accepted. It was also the first time that I had worn my long hair down leaving it brushed and shiny and I wore a dress for the very first time! Lo and behold, things changed after that. I was no longer “one of the boys” but someone they wanted to dance with and spend time with. However, this friendship thing was still there. I learned that boys and later men make very good friends. There is none of the bitchiness, envy or jealousy, it was just straightforward, “I’m your friend,” stuff and all that it entails.

Later during my university days “friendship” with young men was still going strong. I had lots of men friends and although some were happy to be just a friend, others wanted more and that became complicated and made things difficult.

Now, I’m finding out that men are not as simple as they seem. There is a thing called, “friends with benefits,” and it is not my thing and never has been. I’m seeking the pure friendship variety like I used to know when life was simple and innocence was front and center. The problem is no matter how hard I try to make it clear right from the start it never fails before it starts heading in an unwanted direction. Not too long ago, I had this conversation with a male friend. We’ve known each other for quite some time and we’ve done walks, lunches and dinners but nothing more. Well, just a hug or a peck on the cheek as friends do. Here’s how the conversation went.

Me: Wouldn’t it be nice to have a Pyjama Party? We can watch some movies and just talk?

Him: I would like some snacks.

Me: Sure, I can get that.

I was thinking this is going great. Just some company with no hassles whatsoever!

Him: I don’t think I can do that!

Me: Why not?

Him: I CAN’T!”

Hmm…does everything have to be sexual? He was honest and that was a good thing but I wanted my good old days back and the reality is, those days have flown the coop!

Let me ask you:

“Can men and women ever just be friends?”

“Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.” Ed Cunningham

Have an amazing day.

Disrespect (Archives)

It is defined as “insulting someone or displaying rude behavior by showing a lack of respect.”

Have you experienced it? I have and it is not a nice thing when faced with such behavior. There are three forms of disrespect. These are known as the passive, subtle and the blatant variety.

Passive disrespect is when someone is condescending, makes insulting insinuations, gives you the silent treatment, is sarcastic and doesn’t care if it is hurtful or not. How do you deal with this kind of disrespect?

Don’t take the bait and address the issue immediately.

Subtle disrespect is when someone mocks you, when they talk behind your back and they will pretend to have forgotten things you agreed on.

Show that it doesn’t affect you or decide if you want to engage. Name the disrespectful behavior you have observed and call them out on it. Have a conversation about it but do not lecture.

Blatant disrespect is the no holds barred variety. They go out of their way to deliberately undermine or demean you. Their actions are obvious and they don’t give a hoot if it hurts you.

Here again stay calm but it is hard to do. Use “I” statements when addressing the issue and ask for clarification. You can react with kindness but since that is almost impossible to do, call the person out on his or her behavior and set boundaries as to what you will or won’t tolerate.

If all else fails, you have the option of walking away and closing the door behind you. No one should put up with disrespect. Disrespect basically says, “You are not important and your feelings don’t matter to me.” The truth is, you are important and your feelings do matter. Do not tolerate disrespect of any kind.

Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter:

“The best way to end disrespect is by not giving them a chance to do it again.” Unknown

“Disrespect is the weapon of the weak.” Alice Miller

“Wasting somebody’s time may be the highest form of disrespect.” Unknown

I like the next one a lot.

“Never let your heart be so forgiving that it gets comfortable with disrespect.” Unknown

“Don’t put up with disrespect just to keep them in your life.” Sonya Parker

“Be careful what you tolerate, you are teaching people how to treat you.” Unknown

This last one needs a plaque of its own!

Detox Your Life in 4 Easy Steps

Eliminate anyone who:

Lies to you

Disrespects you

Uses you or

Puts you down.

Have an amazing day.

This Thing Called Love (3)

We know that love is elusive. We also know that it morphs and changes shape and just when you think you’ve found the one and only, it goes and shows you something different.

If you’ve got both feet firmly planted in the dating scene, you’re bound to meet one of the following types who give love a bad name sooner than later.

The Egoist

This guy is full of himself. Good looks are his calling card and he thinks the world revolves around him or rather he has women swooning at his feet. Well, the truth is they are at his beck and call because in a world where looks matter, he’s all the rage. However, peel away the outer layer and you’ll find more often than not that he’s sorely lacking in a couple of very important aspects. Sometimes looks disguise what is not there. If you’re a smart woman, it takes but a couple of dates to find out that the man of your dreams has an empty shell. If you’re looking for intelligent conversation and looking to hang on to his every word, THIS GUY IS NOT IT! Move on.

Mr. Trigger-Happy

This type may seem to have it all at first glance but that is where it ends. Give him a little time and some rope and he’ll gladly hang himself! All it takes with this dude to show his true self is to have a normal conversation, well what others might call normal but with this guy it’s like playing the Russian roulette. You’ll never know what rubbed him up the wrong way because everything does! He’s just waiting to unload all the years of repressed anger he’s held back and BOOM he’s off and running. Mostly not in your direction because he’s looking for someone to blame for all his problems. Love is the last thing on his mind. RUN and don’t look back!

The Conundrum

This guy is a headache and a half. He walks in like a hurricane, falls like a ton of bricks and is talking the “M” word before the first date is over! You’ll be wondering what hit you! Certainly not love but a corrupted form of something else. He’ll look into your eyes and ask, “Why don’t I see sparkles in them?” Or he’ll want to stick to you like glue and you can only take a breath until he does! If you’re looking for the nice, easy, relaxing type of love, it’s not with him. It’ll only get worse so move on and keep on walking and don’t look back!

Mr. Past & Present

Okay, this is one to watch out for. He has one foot firmly planted in the past. I mean it is cemented to the past. However, he is looking to connect with someone in the present. You’ll find he is either hung up on his dead wife, a past love or just about anything in the PAST as an excuse as to why he can’t fall in love again but if it comes to doing everything else he is willing and ready. Bring up the “M” word and he’s off and running. Scary? It is. Tread carefully because his true self doesn’t show up until you’re fully in and just when you think things are going great and there’s a future, he’ll pull the rug from under your feet. You’ll be left asking, what happened? It’s not you, it’s him. Move with caution or better still RUN!

This thing called love is impossible at times and at other times, it takes a lot of work to land what you’re looking for. Unfortunately, you’ll have to fall a few times, pick yourself back up, kiss more than a few frogs, dance the Tango with those I mentioned above, and when the clock strikes 12, be thankful that you survived to live another day.

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” Joan Crawford

With that in mind, proceed with caution and always with your eyes wide open and tell your heart to sit this one out until you’ve got it down pat. Getting it down to a science is next to impossible but arming yourself with the knowledge to outplay some of the no good types out there is a must!

Have an amazing day.

Personal Belongings I Hold Dear

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First and foremost is a picture of my young son when he was about three years old. He was a cute kid and I was totally hooked on him. I was a first time mom and my world revolved around him. The little guy was cheeky even at that young age.

One day he had just had his bath and was standing on the table naked waiting to be dressed when I got this great idea. I decided to take a picture of him in his birthday suit. He gave me this look and a smile erupted on his face. I grabbed my cell phone and snapped the pic! He giggled and just as I finished, I felt the spray hit my face! When it did, he chuckled and started jumping on the table. It became a game after that with him. Every time I tried to dress him and when I saw that grin come on his face, I knew what was coming and I learned to duck in time! That pic has a special place in my heart because it was one of those times when life was simple and it was all about giggles and chuckles.

The other thing I hold close and still wear around my neck is a heart-shaped diamond pendant. It’s a beautiful piece and it belonged to my mom. I remember her wearing it all the time and it was her special piece of jewelry. I loved it when the sun hit the stones and made them glisten and shine. I inherited it when she met her untimely death. My brother decided that it was one of the pieces I should have. It is a daily companion along with a diamond solitaire pendant that was given to me by the friend I lost a couple of years ago. Both bring back precious memories. They are both gone now but those two pieces of jewelry bring back a time when I felt special and knew that I was loved.

What may seem like trinkets to some may mean a whole different story to someone else.

Daily writing prompt

What personal belongings do you hold most dear?

View all responses

LIVING LIFE

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I don’t know who wrote this but I find these 7 rules to be very helpful in my life so thought I’d share.

7 RULES OF LIFE

LET IT GO

Never ruin a good day by thinking about a bad yesterday.

IGNORE THEM

Don’t listen to other people. Live a life that’s empowering to you.

GIVE IT TIME

Time heals everything.

DON’T COMPARE

The only person you should try to beat is the person you were yesterday.

STAY CALM

It’s okay not to have everything figured out. Know that in time, you’ll get there.

IT’S ON YOU

Only you are in charge of your happiness.

SMILE

Life is short. Enjoy it while you have it.

I like the last one a lot!

Have an amazing day.

LOL!

It’s Saturday and time for another dose of laughter. Enjoy!

A husband and his wife were sound asleep when suddenly the phone rang. The husband picked up the phone and said, “Hello? How the heck do I know? What do I look like, a weatherman?” He then slammed the phone down and settled into bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“I don’t know. It was some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear”

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A husband walks into Victoria’s Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price –the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she’s no dummy), ‘I have an idea. It’s so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, but I’ll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.’

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, “Good grief! You’d think for $500, they’d at least iron it!”

He never heard the shot. Funeral on Thursday at noon.

************************************************************

Have an amazing day.

Fragments of Yesterday

“And then, just like that, my heart broke. My face crumpled, my composure went and I held him tightly and I stopped caring that he could feel the shudder of my sobbing body because grief swamped me. It overwhelmed me and tore at my heart and my stomach and my head and it pulled me under, and I couldn’t bear it. I honestly thought I couldn’t bear it.” Jojo Moyes

That last line held me in its grip and I went along for the ride for as long as it took. “I couldn’t bear it,” was my mantra when the dream splintered into a thousand pieces and lay in fragments at my feet. “This couldn’t be happening to me!” was my other cry but none of that mattered because the end had arrived and there was no going back to what was.

Cheating is one of the most despicable things one human being can do to another. If truth be told, it happens all the time. It has become a norm in this easy come, easy go world of ours. When it happens, you find yourself going under, and in my case I lost my best friend, a long-time life partner I had known and trusted for a long time. The aftermath is hard to describe. I went from a confident woman to someone I didn’t recognize anymore. There was sadness and of course tears but that line, “I couldn’t bear it,” was the slogan that kept me in the hole that someone else had dug for me.

However, let me tell you, YOU are fully capable of bearing it! It may seem like all is lost and you may feel like you’re looking at absolute darkness but I assure you that you’ll find your way into the light as I did. It took courage, strength, forgiving yourself for what wasn’t your fault and to slowly rise again. Rise again you must because you have no other choice! Let me also tell you that you are enough and those “fragments” of a shattered heart will learn to mend itself. You will learn to look at love and life through different glasses and the next time around when love walks in, you will know better.

“Over the years, confusing fragments, lost corners of stories, have a clearer meaning when seen in a new light, a different place.” Michael Ondaatje

I’ve changed from that young and trusting person I used to be. I thought love once yours would remain forever. I gave my trust to a man who had vowed to me forever, had called me the love of his life and because best friends don’t hurt each other, I had thought we would make it to the very end. Wrong!

However, I can’t change what I want.

“And that was the cause of my heartache. I wanted everything or nothing at all. I’m not impressed by bits, parts, or almost. I’m a seeker of that which is whole, full, and complete. Completely mine or completely not.” Unknown

If that is in the cards for me is left to be seen. Only time will tell. You can overcome the insurmountable and even though you will carry those scars for a lifetime, you are built to survive. You are strong, you are resilient and you are beautiful. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror after it happened. I felt UGLY! It took time to overcome that as well.

Cheating causes emotional turmoil, mental health issues, a trust deficit, low self-esteem and sometimes PTSD-like symptoms. Sounds daunting doesn’t it? IT IS! However, the YOU within is capable of overcoming pain and resilient enough to overcome the challenges that it entails.

“You’re not broken. You’re just becoming. Unfolding slowly – like petals in spring. Give yourself time. ”

AND

“What sticks to memory, often are those odd little fragments that have no beginning and no end….” Tim OBrien

Be kind to yourself, love yourself, build yourself up and learn that those “fragments” which were part of your yesterday can help you towards a better tomorrow. Here’s the thing, YOU CAN BEAR IT!

Have an amazing day.

Mood Boosters

Quotes have the ability to boost up your mood, they can also help you out of the doldrums and just a dose can put a pep in your step and get you going. Here are a few of my favorites to put a positive spin on your day. Enjoy!

“The pages of yesterday cannot be revised. But the pages of tomorrow are blank – and you hold the pen. Make it an inspiring story.” NotSalmon.com

“Don’t worry. Just when you think your life is over, a new story line falls from the sky and lands right in your lap.” Rebekah Crane

Here’s the problem. I don’t want a new story line, I want the old one with a view to the finish line! Doable?

“To be a champ you have to believe in yourself when no one else will.” Sugar Ray Robinson

“Problems are like washing machines. They twist, they spin and knock us around. But in the end, we come out cleaner, brighter and better than before.” Unknown

Fingers and toes crossed and hoping!

“I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I’m going to be today.” Unknown

Coffee does the trick every time!

“Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.” Marilyn vos Savant

Never ever give UP!

“Every morning starts a new page in your story. Make it a good one today.” Doe Zantamata

What are you writing in yours today?

“The most courageous decision that you can make each day is to be in a good mood.” Voltaire

This is a hard one but I start with a smile on my face.

Look at the stars……

“It won’t fix the economy. It won’t stop wars. It won’t give you flat abs, or better sex or even help you figure out your relationship and what you want to do with your life. But it’s important. It helps you remember that you and your problem are both infinitesimally small and conversely, that you are a piece of an amazing and vast universe.” Kate Bartolotta

How amazing is that?

AND FINALLY:

“Life is short. SMILE while you still have teeth.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

This Thing Called Love (2)

Stage 1: Falling in Love

“In the first stage of love, your hormones run the show. You flirt, get butterflies in your stomach and heart, toss your hair back often and laugh a lot more. Falling in love makes you glow. Full playfulness and passion, stage one of love, often called the honeymoon stage tends to be everyone’s favorite because it is fun.“

This is how Stage 1 looks like. You can talk for hours on the phone and it never gets old. There is lots of laughing and giggling and you have your rose-tinted glasses on. If there is a blemish the size of a rock on your face, it is invisible at this stage or airbrushed by the blossoming of something special. Time flies by on wings and it is never ever enough. You want more and even though red flags may crop up like a neon sign, you SEE and don’t want to see. It is also the stage of stupidity where your brain and intuition take a backseat and your heart takes over.

Stage 2: Getting Serious

“Enter stage two. You still make a good couple. You hold hands in the park and cuddle up together to watch a movie, but something has changed. You’ve moved in together, maybe even got married. That fun time has run its course and your relationship has entered the serious zone.“

You may have moved in together or maybe not. It could be headed in a more serious direction where the “M” word is bandied about. That rose-tinted glow is there but now grey is starting to seep in. You question his/her motives. When once that laugh was alluring, it now makes you grit your teeth. You see things you don’t like. Things like he doesn’t keep to his word or you’ve caught him in a lie or two. Little things like leaving the toilet seat up and leaving clothes all over the floor gets your goat. The glow is still there so it’s time to push it all under the rug. You say, “It’ll right itself out. After all, you’re not looking for perfect.” The serious zone is staring you in the face and you don’t want to rock the boat. Let sleeping dogs lie you say but you know that it could come back to bite you later.

Stage 3: What Happened?

“What happened? Did you fall out of love? By this point, all illusions have been stripped away. You find yourself arguing more. Romance seems like work and you can’t be bothered to squeeze in the time. You just want it to end. And most people do just that, end their relationship.“

This is the “make it” or “break it” phase. It is also the time to let it all hang out phase. Remember that in Stage 1 all was perfect or at least it seemed so. Nothing was out of place, not a hair, not a fake eyelash, perfect haircut, smelling good and NO inappropriate behavior. Now, it’s let it rip time and HOW! If you’re married, who cares is the attitude. Everything is allowed and I mean everything. He’s seen you many times over so why bother? Unkempt hair, less than perfect hygiene, let it all grow out if you know what I mean. He, in turn, lets it rip. Holding it in is no longer required, anywhere anytime is ok. One other thing I find fascinating is that men love talking to you when they are sitting on the throne! Something soothing perhaps? That smile is no longer alluring, those little quirks more than annoying and spending a few minutes talking equates to an hour and a half in your mind. I call this the end of time phase. It’s probably all downhill from here and most choose to end the relationship.

According to one source, there are five clear stages. They are honeymoon, uncertainty, adjustment, commitment and acceptance. I’ve chosen to speak about three because not many make it past the adjustment phase. If you do, you’re one of the lucky ones. However, the fourth and fifth phase are hard to navigate. Most are either miserable wanting to get out or they’ve accepted their fate and are playing dead until their time is up!

I haven’t given up hope that I will make it to the last phase with a smile on my face and the right man by my side. I’m still working on finding him. Unfortunately, he seems to have lost his way and is nowhere to be found and TIME is running out! Fairy Godmother some help please! I could use your wand right about now!

Have an amazing day.

This and That

Sundays are for relaxing but in this household it means no sleeping in and it’s like any other day. Chachi, the cat, aka Little Einstein had other plans in mind and it doesn’t matter if human concedes to it or not!

Saturday had been busy because a friend came over and helped mow the grass and did the weeding as well. I promised a home-cooked lunch which consisted of Shepherd’s pie and a green salad as a “thank you” for all the hard work. I don’t cook much these days but I must say it was finger licking good! He liked it so much that I packaged up the leftovers and he took it home with him. Later, I got a message and it said, “It was damn good!” However, Chachi was not happy about the friend. Did I tell you he has a jealous streak woven into that fur coat? He does. The friend left after cake and coffee and a huge thunderstorm rolled in just in time to give the plants a well-needed deluge of water.

The little macho did not like it one little bit. First, the guy and now this! He hates thunderstorms with a passion. The Lion King he is not, more like a mouse for all his macho ways. The first clap of thunder and he took off running. I found him hiding behind the washing machine! Coaxing him out took some effort but he finally emerged looking scared and the “guy” was all forgotten for the time being. Do cats have a memory like an elephant? I suppose I will find out.

So, it’s Sunday morning and I decided to make it up to the little brat. I had a mommy and Chachi day planned. We got up bright and early and the little guy kept close to me. Everywhere I turned, there he was eyes trained on me and when he caught me looking he trilled like a bird and rolled on the ground legs up in the air waiting to be kissed and stroked. I really think the little fur ball had a different profession in his last life! Anyway, I spent the whole morning pampering the Little Prince and he was mighty happy.

After lunch, I decided to do yoga. I was going to do a longer version of about 70 minutes AND I was looking forward to some me time but fur ball had other plans. Mommy and Chachi time in his world meant stuck together like glue time! The minute I got my mat out, he came running. His look said, “WHAT YOU DOING?!!” I ignored him and got down on the floor and there he was butt in my face and refusing to move! Remember, it’s be nice to Chachi day so I moved him gently aside but Little Yogi wasn’t having any of it. He kept blocking my every move and if yoga was meant to be relaxing, this did not make it so!

I gave up after 1/2 an hour and he walked up, gave me a kiss and ran off chasing the fly that had somehow found its way in. I knew and he knew that the poor fly stood no chance against the seasoned fly catcher!

Now, he is sleeping. What happened to the fly? Lord, only knows!

Sundays are for relaxing but in this household it’s like any other day!

Have an amazing day.