love – Page 20 – Site Title

YOU ARE IMPORTANT

Quite often, we let the people we interact with on a daily basis and the world around us with its idiosyncrasies and events that happen to us interpret how we feel, how we react and how much worth we give it and if we are important or not in the grand scheme of things. I am guilty as charged.

The Dalai Lama said it best, “Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.”

Yet we do it time and time again. Just yesterday, a girlfriend broke up with her so called boyfriend. He was for all purposes a NO-GO as far as I was concerned and it was clear for all to see including her but she was in a difficult place nonetheless. Finding out she was “not important” was a devastating cross to bear even if she saw it coming. Yet, this is nothing new. We hand over how important we are in a relationship to the other person and forget in the process that YOU as a person matter and you define how important you are and what you will stand for and what you won’t put up with.

“When you are important to another person, that person will always find a way to make time for you. No excuses, no lies and no broken promises.” Unknown

Relationships are hard enough as it is to navigate without having to deal with the “invisible man,” meaning the guy who says he loves you but when it comes down to showing you that you are important, he shows time and again that YOU are an afterthought and as far as the importance scale goes you are on the bottom rung of the ladder. The disappearing act happens not once, not twice but over and over again. No guessing game needed here. It is up to you to put yourself front and center and to say enough is enough!

“You are important and you matter.

Your voice matters.

Your life matters.

Your feelings matter.

Your story matters.

ALWAYS.” Unknown

Let me add to that. You as a person matter and don’t let anyone take you for granted either.

One Day It Just Clicks

“You realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself.

You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you would never recover. And you smile.

You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.” Steve Maraboli

Finally,

“Surround yourself with people who are going to lift you higher.” Unknown

You are well worth the effort and don’t let anyone show you otherwise. Your worth is determined by you, so stand tall and show the world that YOU ARE IMPORTANT.

Have an amazing day.

The Lighted Candle

The primary symbolism of candles lies in their ability to illuminate darkness. Candles, with their gentle glow, symbolize the search for truth, clarity and inner illumination. I equate quotes as having the same power. If you listen carefully they open doors, lead you forward and they teach without delivering a sermon.

Some of my all-time favorite quotes come from a blogger who is also the creator of the social media movement “The Single Woman.” She has written many “scathing articles and books and don’t forget quotes about her ex-boyfriend and about his pathological emotional abuse and betrayals. The lady speaks to my heart. Here are some of my favorite quotes written by Mandy Hale.

“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.”

“Just be yourself. Let people see the real, imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful, magical person, that you are.”

And if they can’t handle you, it is their problem not yours.

“Ten years from now, make sure you can say that you chose your life, you didn’t settle for it.”

This one is scary. Sometimes you want to settle because fear takes over but settling means giving up and you are too important for that. Do not settle for less than you want.

“The less you respond to rude, critical, argumentative people, the more peaceful your life will become.”

This one is exhausting. Learning to deal with such people is never easy, add trying to make them see different is like talking to the wall. Let it go and embrace peace.

“You’re actually MORE likely to be single when you have a lot to offer because you’ll realize that most people aren’t worthy of all that greatness.”

I totally agree, well, it is actually a more positive way of looking at it.

“It’s OK to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.”

Fear is my second name but I suppose I have done things to be proud of in spite of it. Brave things? Maybe….

“Confidence is the ability to feel Beautiful without needing someone to tell you.”

Ok this one hit home. I wrote an article yesterday about one of my OFF days and looking like a nightmare in the process. A friend told me later, I can turn all your nightmares into dreams! The problem is I lack confidence so that didn’t do much to get me out of Nightmare land!

Confidence is not:

“They will like me.”

Confidence is:

“I’ll be fine if they don’t.”

“Sometimes our lives have to be completely shaken up, changed and rearranged to relocate us to the place we’re meant to be.”

Been there, done that, many times over. Still looking for the relocation part.

“A person being “too busy” is a myth. People make time for the things that are really important to them.”

This is the absolute truth. No time means YOU are not important.

“If you lost it, it’s because you’re meant to find something better. Trust, let go and make room for what’s coming.”

Doing exactly that but can someone tell me how long this process will take?

“To get over the past, you first have to accept that the past is over, no matter how many times you revisit it, analyze it, regret it, or sweat it….it’s over. It can hurt you no more.”

True but you sure can learn from it and not repeat the same mistakes the next time around.

“You’re beautiful just the way you are. Shine on, and dare anyone to turn off your lights.”

“The only keeper of your happiness is YOU. Stop giving people power to control your smile, your worth and your attitude!”

There you go, perfectly said I might add.

Where are you going today? Are you dealing with negatives or are you heading towards more positive pastures? Let go and move towards the light. Take the candlelight with you and pass it on to someone who really needs it.

Think of one thing you are grateful for. When I first heard this, I had a hard time finding just one little thing. Within a few minutes, I had my basket full! I am grateful for the roof over my head, the warm bed, the beautiful fall day, the food that gave me joy today and the people who are dear to me. Of course, Chachi, the cat is at the top of that list too.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY

The Wrong Guy (Archives)

He’s the wrong guy if he does some or all of the things below. There are reasons why he’s the wrong guy so pay attention to your heart and listen to your intuition. It has your best interest at heart. The following quotes clearly speak to the heart of the matter.

“So many girls fall in love with the wrong guy simply because the wrong guy usually says all the right things.” Unknown

“The wrong man will always find reasons to leave. While, the right man will always find enough reasons to stay.” Unknown

“The wrong person makes you beg for attention, affection, love and commitment. The right person gives you these things because they love you.” Unknown

“The right attention from the wrong guy during a lonely time could fool you into thinking he might be the one.” Unknown

Loneliness creates dire circumstances and this is one of them. Finding our way to the wrong guy is made so much easier when loneliness steps in.

“Don’t settle. It’s better to face a little loneliness now than a lifetime of loneliness with the wrong person.” Mandy Hale

“When it’s the wrong person, anything you ask is too much.” Steve Maraboli

“At your absolute best, you still won’t be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right person.” Unknown

Pay special attention to this one because with the wrong guy, it is never enough. Nothing you do will be enough and he’ll find excuses for why that is so. It is not you, it is him.

“Never let the wrong man waste your time and precious energy.” Unknown

If he’s the right one, he’ll find his way to you. If he’s not, he’ll be gone in a blinding minute. Sit up and take notice before it’s too late. The wrong guy is not your destiny but rather he walks in to teach you a lesson. Love is not made up of moments spent together, IT IS moments treasured together and the wrong guy will just provide lip service with no substance to it and when it comes down to showing he cares, he’s nowhere to be found. The wrong guy will walk at a moment’s notice and will even tell you to leave while the right one will weather the storm and sometimes even walk you through that storm. Wait for that person and do not settle for anything less than love, respect and commitment.

“Ladies, the right man for you will pursue you. Actively. He won’t leave you wondering whether he’s into you or not.” Mandy Hale

AND

If you want to find happiness, stay the hell away from a**holes! This is something I have to drill into my head as well.

Have an amazing day.

We Made Up!

Chachi, the cat, declared “Mutiny on the Bounty,” a night ago and decided to run riot for most of the night with no end in sight. The little “Night Terror” showed me that cats are unpredictable creatures but more than that, they have a mind of their own.

That was then. Today, the little sweetheart is back to his normal self. He is all kisses and is made of snips, snails and puppy-dogs’ tails. We went to bed early last night, lights out at around 8 p.m. and the little furball was pooped and so was I. We slept through the night and most of it was peaceful until I heard the snores. Yes, he snores and loudly at that! I decided that was nothing compared to what he put me through the night before.

If you’re wondering what happened? Read my article, Out of Control” and all will be made clear. I don’t know what that night was about but it was something. It could be that just like “humans” cats have their moments too. Whatever it was, I’m glad he’s decided to reel it back in and is behaving like the lovely thing he is.

However, I did look up about getting some training for him but nothing like that exists for cats. They have plenty of dog training classes but absolutely nothing for cats. I’ve come to the conclusion that cats are highly-evolved creatures and they don’t need training, it’s the other way around!

According to Laurie Fletcher:

Cats are fully aware of their regal and divine attributes and treat their humans accordingly.

Their meetings occur right in front of their subjects if they share a home. That staring contest? Ernest discussion. That burl/trill as they pass one another? A brief report or sharing of data.

Cats don’t do long meetings. They’re firmly in control and bureaucracy cuts into nap time.

AND

According to Margaret Smith, another cat aficionado:

Because dogs have owners and cats have staff.

Because the Ancient Egyptians treated cats as GODS, and cats remember.

That says it all, doesn’t it? Sometimes I do feel like “staff,” where Chachi is concerned. He decides when I get to kiss him, when I get to hold him and when we cuddle. He does expect that he has clean water, loads of delicious food and that his toilet is kept clean at all times! If that isn’t God-like status, I don’t know what is.

Anyway, we made up and royally! He seems calm and is content sitting in his window seat watching the world go by. It could be that he’s found a new-found interest. She’s black as the night with bright green eyes, a beauty no less and they’ve been eyeing each other. I call her the Girl from Ipanema and the neighborhood is her playground in more ways than one! Chachi is way too innocent for that kind of stuff but she doesn’t care. She sits on her perch on a garden hut facing him directly. She seems to be asking, “Wanna play handsome?” Or it’s more like:

He met Marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge

Struttin’ her stuff on the street

She said, “Hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?

Oh, uh-huh

Gitchie, gitchie, ya-ya, da-da (hey, hey, hey)

Gitchie, gitchie, ya-ya, here (here)

Mocha Chocolate, ya-ya (ooh, yeah)

Creole Lady Marmalade.

ME: Chachi!!!

HIM: What mummy? I’m busy right now!

Me: Get away from the window!

Yes, something new everyday with little furball. If you thought he’s reeled in his rebellion faze, think again. He missed his toilet meaning “IT” landed just short of the toilet! He has never done that before. Perhaps, it’s a message that he’s not done with teaching me a lesson yet. Lord, have mercy!

Have an amazing day.

Complicated

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I took a walk on Saturday but this time I wasn’t alone. Most days, I like to walk alone but this time around it was a different story. A friend decided to go along but not before we had this conversation.

ME: “You should bring your old, time-worn boots because it will be muddy in places.”

HIM: “I’m not walking in mud!”

ME: “Why not? I walked in mud yesterday and it was wonderful.”

HIM: “Well then, I’ll watch you.”

Complicated? He is, but he doesn’t think so. Or maybe I am.

The walk was great. We walked further than I would do when I’m by myself. The sun was trying to make a showing from behind dark grey clouds but it was a difficult task and a losing battle against the looming clouds. The ground had thawed out from the light snowfall of two days ago and there were some wet patches along the path and I think he did step into one or two mud puddles and if he noticed, he kept it quiet.

Nothing much was moving out there or so it seemed because we were deep in conversation and noise often blocks out what the mind sees when you are alone and your senses are on high alert. We talked about nothing in particular, just life in general. I kept looking for the herons, my new-found passion, but they were nowhere to be seen. We went up and down the hill and then to my surprise a few minutes later there they were, standing silently and pretending not to notice our intrusion into their sacred space. We watched them for a few minutes but they refused to move so we walked on and left them alone. It was a beautiful walk and sometimes having a friend there makes all the difference.

Later that evening, I received a text message from the same friend with this quote attached to it. It was by Jane Austen and it went like this:

“The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love. I require so much!”

He captioned it: “This fits you well. Somewhat of a compliment.”

Did he just call me complicated? If he did, he is not far from the truth. I’ve heard that label being placed on me many times before but it doesn’t faze me. I’ll wear it gladly. It’s nice to know that women back then had the same problem of trying NOT to fall for the wrong guy although the main theme in Sense and Sensibility is “the danger of excessive sensibility.” It could be the case with me but I am not settling, not just yet. Most of us want to find ‘love’ but falling in love takes more than just a chance meeting. However, I do agree that a man needs to be given a chance before I shut the door on him.

“I am made of little rooms full of thoughts, emotions and memories. You cannot define me by listening to me once. I’m too complex.” Unknown

Why wouldn’t I be complicated? I love spending time out in nature, traipsing around in mud, talking to wild life versus preferring human company and if that is not enough, Chachi, the cat, comes in picking up the slack when it is needed! I go by the motto, why give the milk for free or get the cow for free, something like that but you get the drift. Anyway more specifically, why invest in a cow when you can get the milk for free, dumb maybe BUT it holds some truth to it. If that makes me complicated, I AM.

“Sometimes I think maybe I’m just too complicated for anyone to love.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Half-Hearted Connections

“You don’t deserve a half-hearted love. You don’t deserve someone who can only promise you pieces and not the whole. You don’t deserve someone who’s walking around investing time in other some ones. You don’t deserve a person who can’t commit.” Marisa Donnelly

Have you ever fallen for an emotionally-unavailable man? Have you ever wondered why you’re on a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs and you don’t know if you’re coming or going? If you’re caught up in a never-ending cycle of being taken for a ride, it’s time to get off.

An emotionally unavailable man is typically defined as, “not willing or able to truly commit to you and be loyal to you. This type of man will often want to keep things casual and undefined so as to not deal with any of the emotional components that go into a long-term relationship.”

The problem is even though these men are not available, it doesn’t stop them from being out there on the dating scene. They don’t want long-term but pretend that they do. They send out mixed signals and at times it seems like they want “forever” but it is more in their mind than anything else. The message they deliver is a confusing one and just when you think that you’ve found the one, they’ll show you different in a not so nice way. They’re there one minute, ghost you the next or worse still take up with someone else right before your very eyes. This is a relationship where you’re the non-entity and it is all about them.

How do you know if they’re emotionally unavailable? Here are some signs according to Victoria Miretti.

They cannot say they are looking for a long term committed relaitonship.

They don’t court you.

They struggle to have emotional or in depth conversations.

Their words and actions don’t match.

They are inconsistent.

You don’t experience a steady upward progression in the relationship.

I had the unfortunate experience of meeting one such person. He walked in like a hurricane ready to sweep everything away in his path and I was just coming out of a storm. He had all the makings of “the guy.” The relationship if you can call it that took off like a whirlwind but each time we got close, he took 10 steps back. I noticed the hesitation and put it down to fear because I was feeling the same thing. The problem was I was willing to settle for crumbs knowing full well that they were crumbs because I was coming from a place of lack myself. Having just lost a special someone, I was looking for a relationship. It was a perfect meeting of the minds. The only problem, it wasn’t enough and I knew what a good relationship should look like. This one was sorely lacking but I put up with the charade.

“Life is too short for half-hearted connections and meaningless run-throughs.” Unknown

Low-effort men do not invest in you because they can’t. They find it easy to walk away and take up with someone new in a matter of days or more specifically even before the relationship has ended because their emotions don’t run very deep and hurting someone is part and parcel of how they operate. It is a place where nothing affects them because their heart is under lock and key. A no man’s land or rather a no woman’s land as far as they are concerned. So why even be out there? I guess everyone needs love and if you hurt someone along the way what’s the big deal, right? The problem is, it is a big deal to the person who gets hurt in the process.

“Never put them first, if you always come last. Never give your all, if you only get half.” Unknown

If you’ve read my article, “Dating No-Gooders,” you’ll know that they are out there along with all the others that give “dating” a bad name. One false move will get you to where you don’t want to be. If you’re looking for Mr. Right, know that it is a dangerous world out there so step lightly. If he’s unavailable and shows the signs from the get go, leave him alone and move on. Some people cannot love you the way you want to be loved AND you’re too valuable to settle for anything less or for half-hearted connections.

How do you know if he’s emotionally available? According to singleover30.net, here are some signs to look out for.

If a man is present with you when he is with you, that’s a good sign.

This is not always true from my experience. The person I knew was all there when we spent time together and gave me the impression that he wasn’t shying away from anything but he was emotionally unavailable and hence the confusion.

He is comfortable talking about his feelings.

He is willing to talk about the progression of the relationship.

He won’t waste your time with half-hearted promises.

He will be interested in you and your life.

He prioritizes spending time with you.

Therapist: You saw the red flags though, right?

Me: I thought it was a carnival.

That says it all.

Have an amazing day.

Heart Break

“Hearts can break. Yes, hearts can break. Sometimes I think it would be better if we died when they did, but we don’t.” Stephen King

Standing before me, he looked tall and lean, his face showing concern and looking a little older, the grey showing at his temples as he said, “You’ve got to learn to forgive. Sometimes bad things happen and YOU just need to forgive, forget and move on.”

I watched him, my face showing nothing. This was the man who had once meant the world to me. He had never once apologized for his hand in the heart break he had caused me. The damage was done and he had simply walked away like I was yesterday’s news.

There are no more tears to cry, no more gut-wrenching pain and no more feelings of any kind. I was done and his empty words held just that, NOTHING of any kind. He moved towards me but I took a step back. A long time ago, I had run into his arms so willingly but that was back then when we were in love and the world was a much better place.

We are two strangers now. Our history together a thing of the past, the love we had shared written somewhere in the stars for all eternity and the heart he had so carelessly and so willingly broken had learned to heal but it will never forget the crumbling, the breaking and the realization that this same man I had once loved was capable of wielding such pain.

Love hurts and heart break is painful. Hearts break all the time, it is nothing new. “I’m sorry” sometimes takes a long time coming and in some cases it never does. However, those words don’t have the power to erase the pain and neither do they take away the hurt you carry in your heart. Perhaps, the words are just a defense mechanism men use to shield themselves from their wrong doing and to walk away with their guilty conscience intact. Whatever the case maybe, sorry doesn’t cut it. It is so lacking in every aspect but I don’t know what else can make up for it.

We stood watching each other, his eyes hiding secrets and mine devoid of feeling. It was awkward to say the least. Yet my heart screamed, “You know him well don’t you? You had loved him with all of your heart once a long time ago.”

The truth is he had loved me too. He had called me his soulmate and the love of his life but somewhere along the way, he became someone else. When that someone new walked in, he took off running and left me holding a bag of broken dreams and a shattered heart broken beyond repair.

Today, there are no more tears, no anger, no despair, no nothing. I watched as he walked out the door and as I closed the door behind me, I realized that the heartbreak had changed me. I had grown stronger. I had learned to put my broken heart back together again piece by piece. The cracks still show but I guess they always will as a reminder of the pain I had gone through. Forgiveness? It will take a long time coming. I hope one day I can say the words he wants to hear. “I forgive you.” Not yet, it is going to take time and that is alright too.

“People think that the most painful thing in life is losing the one you value.

The truth is, the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of valuing someone too much and forgetting that you are special too.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Let Go Gracefully

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Just like that….it is over. The feelings and emotions crowding your mind and raging through your body are almost too much to bear. Disbelief, anger, sadness, numbness, confusion and rage could be some of the emotions taking hold and letting go gracefully is the last thing on your mind.

It is a normal reaction. Give it time to settle down even if it feels like it never will right now. It is done for, so let it go gracefully.

“The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let the dead things go.” Unknown

It is not easy to let go and it is downright scary. Suddenly it becomes real and very uncomfortable. Most of us look at it as a relationship ending and there is a mad scramble within to want to save what can’t be saved. What went wrong is the first question that comes to mind. The more pertinent question is, does it even matter? Crying over split milk is a lost cause and venting over lost time and energy even more so. Consider it a sunk cost and take steps to move on.

Did I neglect his needs, wants and feelings?

Did he neglect mine?

What led to the breakup?

Did he fall into me or was I the one doing the chasing running circles around him?

Did he hurt me intentionally? There is a difference between hurting someone and hurting someone intentionally. The latter is done with total disrespect knowing full well that the action taken will have repercussions and not of the nice kind.

More importantly, how much of what I didn’t want, did I tolerate?

The answers coming back could be eye-openers because, as women, we tend to have blinders on when it comes to love and relationships. What we wouldn’t tolerate normally are the very things we are quick to disregard when it comes to that special person in our life.

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” Unknown

Letting go is a grieving process. You’ll have to go through the grieving to get to the other side. There are five steps to the process. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. There is a quote that goes like this:

“The buffalo is the only animal that runs into a storm rather than away from it.”

Why? It’s because, “they instinctively know that walking into a storm will get them out of the weather quicker, despite knowing they’ll suffer more up front.” Face your problems head-on with courage and determination and by spending time there instead of ignoring them you will be able to move past them more quickly and effectively.

However, if you don’t want to do all five of the grieving techniques, accept what has happened, don’t ponder too much on why it happened but know that sometimes:

“Not all storms come to disrupt your life. Some come to clear your path.” Unknown

AND

“Some things break your heart but fix your vision.” Unknown

Let go gracefully and walk away with your dignity intact. Smile even if it hurts and turn the switch off. It is done for now and you’ll be fine.

Have an amazing day.

KINDNESS

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Leo Buscaglia

Kindness or being kind is no longer as important as it used to be. We live in a self-obsessed world and when once we used to have close interactions with people, it is now being replaced with chats, text messages or quick hellos and goodbyes. The emoji is front and center when it comes to showing you care and there is one for every emotion you can think of including sadness. We’ve become so impersonal that closeness is a thing of the past and showing emotions much less so. We live in a fast paced world where technology is king and people a commodity like anything else.

Yet, we haven’t changed much or have we? I think we have. People have become much more self-centered and ‘me’ first is often the case. If you hurt someone these days you send an emoji to say you’re sorry. It could be in the form of a one tear- drop emoji or just a kiss emoji and you’ve done your ‘compassion’ and ‘kindness’ part. However, this makes it hard to have a human connection when you come across as a robot. The more we rely on technology to do the human stuff, the less your heart interacts and hardens to a point. Kindness is a very human trait and it can’t be replaced by emojis no matter how cute they are. It is just a stop-gap measure. The warmth of kindness comes from within, deep within your soul and emojis and other futuristic entities masquerading as the real thing can never take the place of human emotions no matter how advanced technology gets and that’s the truth.

Case in point: I was sad the other day and I shared that with a friend. Immediately he sent a kiss emoji and the word ‘sorry.’ That was it, he had done his job on being human or so he thought but I was left feeling like it could have been a little more, how about the human touch, it was sorely missing. A conversation would have been nice or even checking to see if I was ok from time to time but looking at it from his standpoint he had shown his compassion with an emoji and besides anything else would have taken too much time from his day and he had more important things to do.

Helping each other is fast becoming a thing of the past and so are other forms of kindness. We are a ‘me’ society first and foremost and everything else takes a back seat AND we have an app for everything so why even bother with being nice? Do we have an app for kindness as well? I’ll have to check on that because I’ve been showing kindness the old-fashioned way. Smiles, warm hugs, eye contact and a helping hand are still my go-to for kindness and it works just fine from the human angle.

“Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” Unknown

How about sharing a smile? It is known as the universal language of kindness after all. When was the last time you smiled at someone? When did you even look up from your phone, tablet or computer to really look at the world around you? It’s becoming a lost art, this human interaction thing and it’s scary.

“It only takes a split second to smile and forget, yet to someone that needed it, it can last a lifetime.” Steve Maraboli

Here’s a call to bringing kindness back. I’m not talking about the “I care but only for a split second,” or “I see your tears but I can’t give you a hug because I’m too busy,” variety. I’m talking about reaching out and showing you really do care. It is going to take a little bit of your time, effort and patience but the rewards are plentiful. That human touch needs to be put front and center again and let’s just use those cute little emojis ONLY when we have no other choice. Start with a warm smile and the rest takes care of itself.

“Sometimes it takes only one act of kindness and caring to change a person’s life.” Jackie Chan

What Ifs

The dictionary defines a WHAT-IF as a “question that asks someone to imagine what might happen or what might have happened.” Life is full of what-ifs and some of us live our lives carrying that load around knowing full well that it will never become a reality.

We carry the “what ifs” of the past, present and the future that makes life a caricature of what it should be. We whip out the “what ifs” of yesterday to justify where we are today and they affect your present and future like a ripple effect.

We ask:

What if we had stayed together? Life would be so much better today wouldn’t it? Well would it?

What if he/she hadn’t died on me? We would have a wonderful life today. Is that guaranteed or just make-believe?

What if I hadn’t done X, Y, or Z, I would have a completely different life now. Really?

What ifs are suppositions that tend to paint our world in make-believe colors, whatever they may be. The fact is ‘what ifs’ can’t change what has happened and there are no guarantees that if they hadn’t happened, we would be in a different place today. Whatever happened, it happened and for whatever the reason. It was bad but there is no going back. It is a part of the past, accept it and move on.

“That’s the thing about ‘what ifs’; they don’t matter. They don’t change anything. All they do is make it unable for you to heal.” Lindy Zart

So you loved someone with all your heart and that person left you, it happened and they live on in memories nothing more. Accept it and move on. YOU have a life to live.

Someone hurt you in the past. They knew what they were doing but you don’t have to keep paying a price for their meanness. They will reap what they sowed at some point in time. Remember what goes around comes around. Yours is not to ask when or how. All in good time. Let it go and heal.

Life happened and threw you a curveball and you are still asking what if? It doesn’t matter but what matters is that you are in the here and now and those ‘what ifs’ don’t matter anymore only if you let them.

“What” and “if” are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.”

What if? What if? What if?

Let’s change it to “Why not.”

Why not have a great life? You deserve it don’t you.

Why not leave the past behind you where it belongs? The dead do the haunting not the living. Let it be.

Why not laugh, smile, jump for joy, live and move on? It is your right to do so, isn’t it?

Leave the ‘what ifs’ where they belong. Not in the past, not in the present and not in the future. However, if it keeps bugging you, ask “now what?” Stay in the present and look towards the future and you’ll be just fine. Let’s give the pesky ‘what ifs’ a heave ho and right out the door!

Have an amazing day.