love

Somewhere in Heaven

I took that walk again, the one I do almost everyday. It has become a ritual but somehow today I was in a somber mood and the weather decided to fit in perfectly. It was dark and gloomy but I paid it no mind as today was not about the weather.

Looking past the apple trees and to the left, a short distance away is the village graveyard. Has it been three years already? It seems like only yesterday when you were laid to rest there with very little pomp and circumstance. Just a few friends gathered to say their goodbyes and some bouquets were laid on the ground where your tombstone would be. Your life on earth was done and you had or were moving on.

“Sometimes I wish I could just rewind back to the old days and press pause……just for a little while.” Unknown

I wondered what I would say to you if I had that chance. I would say come walk with me as we used to. Those walks were peaceful and beautiful. More than that, I would say that I am sorry that I don’t think of you everyday as I did in the beginning. Life has a way of fading memories perhaps to numb the pain.

You were my best friend and you always had my back. Today as I walked I heard your voice say, “Hi Lovely.” Right after that, I saw you for just a minute as you were. You were a tall man with reddish blond hair and green eyes that always seemed to have a warmth about them. I saw that smile and my heart caught in my throat. I remember you well.

I don’t talk to you like you wanted me too but you are never far from my mind. Your presence is waning too, you were always there in the beginning. I think you have moved on to where you needed to go. Heaven must be a beautiful place and you probably have your wings now but I think you always had those wings. You were my angel and you showed me how to fly again. I wish I had known that your time on earth would be so short but I guess ‘angels’ never stay for long. Thank you for sharing those wings with me, for that I will always be thankful.

I am thankful for the love you showed me, the support you gave so willingly and for all the laughter and talks we shared. The big bear hugs were warm and comforting and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that you cared about my heart and more than anything there was kindness there in your person. Again, I thank you for all you did for me. You took someone who was broken after the divorce and made her whole again. No, I don’t think of you everyday but you will always and forever be in my heart.

Love Always and Forever

I MISS YOU

Walking Away

Photo by Anastasiya Lobanovskaya on Pexels.com

“Maturity is learning to walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind, self-respect, values, morals and self-worth.” Unknown

Maturity is one thing but no matter how young, old or mature you get, walking away is a gut-wrenching experience. It is also one of the hardest things to do.

The truth of the matter is that “there is no relationship in which people have the right to violate your boundaries or treat you with disrespect. And if others can’t respect your boundaries, then quietly and calmly walk away. According to Meerabelledey.com, “Bad situations are just that. Bad. Realize that you have the power to walk away from destructive relationships.”

Easier said than done right? Exactly. When I first learned that my ex was cheating on me, I decided to confront him. It was a bad mistake on my part and I had no dignity to speak off at that point in time. All I saw was my 17 year marriage disintegrating like confetti before my very eyes but it wasn’t celebrating anything in particular but signifying the destruction of a sacred trust. My only thought at that moment was, I had to save it.

I approached them and we exchanged words. The woman took off in one direction and my ex took off after her. It was at that very moment that I realized there was no saving what could not or didn’t want to be saved. I was his past and ‘she’ was his new beginning.

“The hardest part about walking away from someone is when you realize that no matter how slow you go, that someone will never run after you.” Unknown

Since then, I’ve made the mistake of staying in relationships for way too long. Walking away was my last resort and trying to work a no win situation was my top priority until I learned that giving up and walking away did not mean I was weak but the contrary. It takes strength and courage to say, enough is enough and to leave with your dignity intact.

“Knowing when to walk away is WISDOM.

Being able to is COURAGE.

Walking away with your head held high is DIGNITY.”

According to experts learning to walk away can be learned and it gets easier as you go through the motions over and over again. I guess it is the same way with everything else in life. Repetition does make things easier I suppose but who wants to do a repeat performance of the bad kind like in Groundhog’s Day or as in a recurring nightmare? When has walking away from someone ever been easy? It has always been a gut-wrenching, gasping for air and almost like you’re drowning experience for me.

Life is complicated enough as it is and hitching our wagon to the wrong person makes it harder still. It’s a surefire way to face destruction of a different kind that of emotional distress, mental health problems, anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. Finally, it will drain your energy.

“We don’t walk away to teach people a lesson. We walk away because we finally learned ours.” Unknown

Make the hard decision but the right one.

Walk away from people who don’t care about you or your well-being. You deserve better.

Walk away from people who use and abuse you. You are worth more than that.

Walk away from people who cheat, lie and disrespect you. They are never going to make you happy.

Walk away from people who are just treading water, they will go under sooner or later and pull you down with them.

Walk towards people who care, respect, love and are KIND to you. They will take care of your heart.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Pay Attention

Life often speaks in whispers at the beginning, it stomps its feet if you don’t listen and it screams to get your attention when you’re heading towards a head-on collision. Through it all, it has your back and is on your side if only you are willing to pay attention to what it has to say. And that is the hard part.

“Consider for a moment what you pay attention to all day long. What seems important to you, what do you take for granted and hardly attend to at all? Write it down. Do not judge your answers. Be honest and simple. As you keep track all week long, you’ll be amazed at what claims your attention what you give your precious life force to.” Brenda Shoshanna

The truth is as “humans” we march to our own drumbeat. We see what is not good for us, we know it spells trouble and we know if we keep going down that path, it will take us to exactly where we don’t want to go BUT we are hell-bent on doing it anyway. Are we wired for destruction, is that what we seek? At times, it seems that way but luckily for us, life comes in and shows us the way out but only if we pay attention.

“Pay attention to the signs. Stop making excuses for people. Stop defending their inconsiderate ways. Start taking care of you and your own needs.” Unknown

I do that all the time. Make excuses for inconsiderate people that is BUT there comes a point in time when I say enough is enough and then I shut the door behind me but unfortunately, it is always a day late and a dollar short. I’ve learned my lessons the hard way but most of us do. Don’t ask me why but we just do. Do we get a thrill out of pain? I don’t know but not paying attention when life is screaming seems to be the problem.

When we don’t pay attention to love, it has a tendency to bring us down to our knees and then we ask what happened? We know exactly why. The answers have been staring us in the face even before the collision happened.

Pay Attention To Her:

When a woman is “tripping” she cares, when a woman is “mad” she believed in you and you let her down, when she is “asking questions” she is trying to gain clarity, when she is “quiet” and letting things slide she is giving up….And when she is not doing all of the above…just know you have lost a good woman.” Unknown

AND

“Sometimes you have to put aside what you feel for them, and PAY ATTENTION to what their actions are saying they feel for you.”

Finally, paying attention seems to be the key to a better life, better relationships and a better way through the intricate maze we call life. Pay attention to the signs before it is too late. Not easy to do as always but there is no other way it seems.

Listen to the wind, it talks.

Listen to the silence, it speaks.

Listen to your heart, it knows. Native American Proverb

Have An Amazing Day

Needle in the Haystack!

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

It’s elusive, it’s invisible and it has a tendency to play games with you but more importantly you may never find it no matter how hard you try.

I met a girlfriend for breakfast a few days ago and since we’re both on the dating circuit, she more than yours truly, our conversation naturally turned to men and their idiosyncrasies. She is less uptight than I am so that needle in the haystack does not need to be just one needle according to her. She claims that she has found a number of them hidden in plain view!

My “needle in the haystack” on the other hand has kept himself well-hidden and has given me the runaround. I thought I had found that special someone some time ago but at closer inspection I found out it was a fake, not a needle at all but something masquerading as that proverbial needle.

Who came up with that idiom anyway? I bet it was an old spinster sitting in some lonely loft somewhere needle in hand when she decided that it was a perfect way to describe her dilemma. Why a needle? Why not a saucer or a cup or something a little bigger and more visible? It would make things a lot easier, let me tell you.

The definition of a needle in a haystack is defined as something which is very difficult or almost impossible to find. It just so happens that is exactly what I’m looking for and it’s exactly the kind of thing I would go for. Easy is not in my vocabulary. However, after several forays into haystacks I’m about ready to give up on this idea. It seems I’m allergic to hay! I’m not looking for Mr. Perfect, some may disagree with that assumption, just someone loyal, caring, trustworthy, soft spoken and easy on the eyes and you’ve got my needle in the haystack down pat.

Since I’ve been on the dating circuit, I’ve met several men. My first date usually turns out this way. We meet for coffee and immediately I have an attitude. I’m silently pondering this question. “Why are you looking at me like YOU ARE the Big Bad Wolf?!! It goes downhill from there. Other times, they are narcissists, control freaks, liars, cheaters and just NOT my type! Get the picture? Maybe I’m just not ready to be out there again. Oh, did I mention I’m a recluse to boot? I LOVE my own company. Someone pointed this fact out to me recently. After several attempts to get me out of my roost, he said, “I think you’d rather be at home or out in the fields all by yourself and that is the impression you give me.” I thought, you might have hit the nail where it belongs.

If that’s not enough of a deterrent, getting to first base with me is like you’re in never never land. It never happens. My girlfriend, on the other hand, has made it all the way through to fourth base many times over and keeps moving easily to the next victim. Did I say victim? Oops, I meant conquest. Whatever rocks her boat but it is just not me which makes life and dating much much harder to do.

Today I took that walk again looking for answers in nature. This time around, I got none. I think nature is getting a little tired of me coming out there looking for something like it is a soothsayer. It was cloudy, grey and not a single thing was moving according to my naked eye but that is besides the point. I walked back home ready to go it alone.

If you ask me there’s no such thing as a needle in a haystack and if there is, why would you hide it in a haystack anyway! The way my luck is going, that needle has moved all the way up the haystack by now and I would need some kind of suction device to get it out!

So as I see it, I might wind up like that spinster I talked about earlier all alone in that loft pining away for a love that never came along. Only I would have bloodied fingers and I would be screaming bloody murder at that ‘whatever’ in the haystack!

“It’s a funny thing about looking for things. If you hunt for a needle in a haystack you don’t find it. If you don’t give a darn whether you ever see the needle or not it runs into you the first time you lean against the stack.”

P G Wodehouse

There might be something there in that quote. I’ll keep you posted, now off to NOT think about that needle and to do something productive for the day.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY

This and That

Woke up this morning with my cat, Chachi, next to me. He had made himself comfortable next to my head and was purring softly as he heard the movement that signaled, it was time to get up. The purring notched up a few decibels as he moved closer to me. It was a sound I loved, not too soft and not too loud, just a perfect soothing all-around droning that seemed to calm my just awakening mind, body and soul.

It was Sunday and time to relax but my mind was on the ‘go’ mode and there was no stopping it. I laid there under the warm covers and my mind immediately moved to the conversation I had last night. The person was trying to give me feedback on one of my articles. More specifically, the one called, “Change Your Strategy.” He said, “well-written, true but hard to do.” I agree whole-heartedly with him. Change is never easy and putting in steps to change what always is the norm is definitely “hard.” No one said it was going to be easy but it needs to be done in order to change something that is not working to something that could change your life for the better. He understood that perfectly but for the change mindset to work, it has to be put in motion and that is the hard part. Most of us think of changing but it never takes off.

See what I mean? My mind was up and running even before my body decides to move a muscle! Nothing new there, most days it (my mind) takes control and I go along for the ride!

After several tries from an impatient Chachi to get me out of bed, he took off to the kitchen and I followed slowly, very slowly. I got the water going for coffee, gave my little sweetheart a kiss on the forehead which earned me another slew of purrs and love-struck eyes. Peering out into the darkness, I could see that fall had definitely taken hold. It looked dark and gloomy but each time I turned away to get a cup or to get breakfast going, I noticed that it got a shade lighter as if by magic. Not all once but slowly as if someone was using a brush to paint in the lightness painstakingly with each stroke and before I knew it and within a short span of time, it was so much lighter that I could see the silhouette of the houses across the street and a still dark but pearl grey sky peering back at me. Just like life I thought. It happens when you’re not looking.

Making my way back up the stairs with breakfast on a tray, I realized that my knee was feeling better. I had injured it a few days ago, not sure how but there was no doubt in my mind that I had done something to it. I work out seven days a week and often forget that I am no longer a spring chicken. I still jump, kick and do 60 minute workouts to the detriment of my joints. Most days I can keep up with the best of those in the thirties BUT now and than my body reminds me to back off as it did a few days ago. Human nature is such that we refuse to accept the inevitable until life in its wisdom decides to show us why it is a necessity to do so. Staying off my feet is not easy, I am raring to go and to kick butt as far as workouts are concerned but today I am planning a light, very light workout that will give my injured knee some well-earned rest. Not for long though, I am planning a long walk tomorrow. Like I said, human nature has its quirks, pair it with stupidity and you know why we face the difficulties we do.

Breakfast was done and my mind was doing its monkey dance again. I tend to live in my headspace so that jumping from one topic to the next is easy to do. However, that quiet, private, contemplative mood or frame of mind or even hectic and chaotic is ok once in a while but when it takes over 24/7, it’s time to shut it down.

My day is just starting. Nature had done its magic outside, it is bright and beautiful with the added promise of a beautiful day ahead. It’s time for ‘mommy and Chachi’ day to take off. He loves playing chase but that’s an absolute no no for today. I hope he’ll settle for loads of kisses and cuddles. I’m sure he will, he’s easy that way. It doesn’t take much to make him happy unlike ‘humans’ who make it complicated. Not taking off on an another topic although….

Suddenly my phone goes ping and there is this message from a friend and it says, “I had a restless night, had too many thoughts in my head.” Instantly I wanted to jump right in with Max Goodwin’s words from New Amsterdam, “How can I help?” Nope, not doing it today, maybe later, much later but it’s time for that monkey I call my mind to take a well-deserved break.

Have an amazing Sunday.

It is elusive, it doesn’t always show up and when it does, it may not stay forever. That is a given but still we seek it, we want the feeling that says all is well, we are loved and protected AND we want it to paint our world in colors of the rainbow or whatever color love brings. It doesn’t matter if it looks and feels like cubic zirconia, the shine is all that matters for a while anyways. The problem is, we seek this elusive commodity like a heat seeking missile but a warm willing body is not enough, it needs substance to keep it going and that’s where the iffiness, the wishy-washiness and dead as a doornail comes in.

Have you ever fallen in love with the wrong person? I’ll guarantee that all of us have at one time or another. I’ve taken that journey many times over. Each time, I tell myself I’ll do better the next time around and each time I watch the worthless relationship go up in flames. I’m like a gardener who had planted seeds and one who is waiting to see what the outcome would be. The hope is that all the care, energy and time would yield a bumper crop but no matter how hard I tried, that plant showed up poorly and died along the way. It got brown and shriveled and no amount of trying to revive it brought signs of life back into it. Yet, I held on because of the invested time, love and energy that had gone into it and I wanted some kind of return when there was none to be had.

It was time to let it go. Put it down to wasted energy, pull it out by the roots and make room for something new to grow. Something which is more conducive and is willing to grow under your care. Bad love like bad seeds are just that, there is no rescuing what doesn’t want to be rescued. Let it go.

Love is defined as, “a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion and commitment. It involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection and trust.” verywellmind.com

If some of those behavior traits are missing and keeps on coming up missing, then you need to step back, reevaluate and weigh the consequences of such a relationship. Do not make an unworthy person a priority in your life and toxic relationships are just that, the poison starts slowly but it spreads quickly. Examples of toxic behavior are cheating and carrying on other relationships while in an ongoing relationship and pretending it is a covert operation. The liars and control freaks need to take a hike and those who show no respect for the person they’re with are a waste of time and space. Add to that the ones who can look you in the eye and swear that nothing is going on when you know otherwise should be shown the door quickly. No time should be wasted on them. If you’ve got one of this cubic zirconia type on your hands, remember life is too short for hoping and wishing, remember you’re a diamond so you have no time and energy to be wasted on fakes. Make room for someone who is willing to thrive in your garden and put yesterday’s mistakes behind you.

“Something I just recently learned was that chased love is not love. If you have to run after it, talk it into staying, remind it of your value, fight alone for the both of you, issue ultimatums, or test it, it is not love. It’s not love, it’s not happiness, it is not fair, it’s not healthy, the only thing it is…..is a waste of time.” Jessica James

I heard someone put it this way as well but not in exactly these words. Why do you have a junk car parked on your property when you’ve got a Ferrari circling your property? Have the wreck towed away and make room for the new, something better at best. Even if there isn’t anyone new on the horizon right now, give it time. In the meantime work on being a worthy person, worthy of love and one who deserves the best as far as love is concerned. Anything less is an absolute no-go!

“Some people will only come into your life to teach you what love is not. And when that happens, I hope you know when to walk away.” F. E. Marie

This Little Light

Waking up this morning I could hear the sound of rain on the rooftops and it sounded soothing to my ears. As I stretched in bed, I felt a warmth to my side. Then I heard soft purring and a pair of green eyes looking up at me. As our eyes touched, my little love let out a sound which sounded almost like a purr. Chachi was in his wide-awake mode and happy with the world and so was I, for the moment at least.

I whisper, “Good morning baby,” and pull him closer to me. The purring picks up in intensity and has a rhythm all its own. His fur feels soft and cuddly warm and the sideways glance he throws in my direction says more than words can say and melts my heart. Chachi walked into my life almost seven years ago and found his niche by my side and he is here to stay.

How did it happen? I don’t know. Pets have a way of doing that and the light they bring is irreplaceable. I call him my shadow. Lately, he has taken to keeping pace with me. If I’m in the kitchen, he’s there watching my every move. If I’m in the cellar, he’s right there stretched out on the floor and pretending like he’s minding his own business but in reality minding mine. Most days, I talk to him about my day and he yawns not out of boredom but more like, “Tell me more.” At least, I hope that’s what it is. When I leave the house, he stares and I can tell that this part is not the favourite part of the day for him. I kiss his forehead telling him to be a good boy and when I walk back in, he greets me with a happy dance.

Some days when I’m sad, I hold him close and my heart takes off soaring. When I need cheering up, he walks up to me with his tattered beyond repair toy bird in his mouth and throws it at my feet waiting for the “Good Boy!” pat on his forehead. Most days, we are each other’s best buddy. Lately, we’ve got a new routine, a workout routine that is. Once I start the music and start moving, he walks in and joins in. Sometimes he tries to climb up one leg. The goal is to get as many kisses as possible, who cares about working out! After he has had enough, he climbs on the bed and watches me till I finish.

“Time spent with cats is never wasted.” Sigmund Freud

The light I speak of is the unspoken bond between us. A beautiful iridescent light that glows with love, respect and lots of cuddling. Of course, cats have their own way of showing love but it is love nonetheless. Instead of giving me a kiss on the mouth or on the nose, he brushes past and heads for the forehead and there he plants one right in the middle. A kiss so light and airy that my breath catches in my throat and a sigh escapes softly from my being. A lover couldn’t have done any better. We don’t speak the same language but we share a universal one, the language of love. The day is filled with tiny interludes of this nature and often it makes me feel like I’m dancing and twirling on my toes. Often I mumble, “Houston, I think we have a problem. I’m in love!”

I am thankful for this four-legged fur ball of a being who walked into my life and has taken permanent residency there and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

“What greater gift than the love of a cat.” Charles Dickens

Mean People

Why are some people mean? What is it about them that makes them that way? By mean people, I mean those who love to kick you when you’re down, know your weaknesses and take advantage of them, take pleasure from your pain and say and do whatever is necessary to stop you from making your way out of the hole you’re in. Instead of giving you a helping hand, they would rather push you back in and walk away with a click of their heels, a clap of their hands and say, “Job well done!”

“There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.” Unknown

Are they born that way or is it something about them that makes them the way they are?

According to http://www.psychology.com, “Being mean is a product of insecure self-esteem. Research shows that being insulted makes people more likely to demean others. Freud argued that people cope with negative views of themselves by perceiving other people as having those same traits.”

At first glance, they seem ordinary enough even to the point of being nice but all that dissipates into thin air as time goes on and the relationship progresses. If it’s a friendship, you will see the mask slipping and whoever is hiding behind that mask steps out and you realize that you’ve made a big mistake. The mean streak within takes aim and nothing you do is ever right. Stomping on you is the name of the game and taking knocks at your self-esteem through harsh words or actions is their way of bringing you down to their level. One minute you can do nothing wrong and the next you’re dealing with an enemy. It’s not you, it’s them.

“The good thing about mean people is that you can walk away from them but they are stuck with themselves. I call that karma.” Unknown

Furthermore, their daily existence is dependent on bringing others down which in turn makes them feel better about themselves. You may sense that there is something wrong if there is constant conflict about the smallest of things. The way you act around others becomes a big issue and so does the way you smile, laugh and anything they can pick on they will. Making a mountain out of a molehill is a constant and when the storm passes, you’ll be left wondering and asking, “What just happened?” Nothing. It’s not you, it’s them.

Being mean is a choice and according to http://www.linkedin.com, “We are ALL human and don’t always get it right-no one is perfect and we all behave at less than our best at times. But for the most part, it is a premeditated and selective CHOICE on how we treat others.”

What triggers the meanness? I don’t think it is one particular thing. It could be envy, jealousy, wanting what they can’t have or a whole host of negative internal contributors. No one knows for sure but if you’ve had the unfortunate experience of coming in contact with one or more of these types of people, you know what I’m talking about. It is unpleasant to say the least and it will leave you questioning your own integrity and wondering if you somehow contributed to the unholy rage happening in front of you. It’s not you, it’s them.

Lao Tzu says, “Respond Intelligently even to Unintelligent Treatment.”

Ignore them, walk away, stop all contact, these are some of your options. Rudeness, screaming and shouting doesn’t help because it gives them the ammunition to fire back and that is precisely what they want, an avenue to get back at you. It is all about being mean so turn your back, shutting the door firmly behind you.

If all that doesn’t work, do this instead.

“Don’t let Negative and Toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out.” Zig Ziglar

Nicely put Ziggy, the only problem is if you’re like me, I’ll be wondering if they’ve got a new place to go to!!!

Buddha says, “Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.”

Whatever you choose to do, shut the door and move forward. You’ve got places to go and “nice people” to meet.

This Little Love of Mine

It is a gorgeous and sunny day. A perfect backdrop for Mother’s Day. I got greetings from my son this morning and it brought a smile to my face simply because he hadn’t forgotten like he tends to do . He always has something better to do and “Mom” is usually the last thing on his mind unless he needs or wants something. It was a pleasant surprise nonetheless.

Today, I want to talk about my other baby from another mother. This little guy walked into my life in the arms of my then boyfriend almost seven years ago. He was a few weeks old at the time and he was the cutest bundle of fur I had ever seen. Our eyes locked and he meowed reaching one paw out to me. I kept my distance. I wasn’t going to let little furball creep into my heart I decided. I had lost my rescue cat a year ago and I was still in mourning as far as I was concerned. It was too soon to open my heart again but little Chachi had other plans for me.

Truth is, I was lost the moment he reached out to me and his paw hit my arm. I just couldn’t say no and he walked in and took residence like he belonged there. We became inseparable from the get go. A routine has been established or rather he has established one and I follow. I am his puppet and he pulls the strings. My day starts with him waking me up and it ends with cuteness cuddling up next to me, all on his own terms of course. When he has had enough snuggles and kisses, he moves off to his bed with a huff or was that a sigh? Whatever the case maybe, he leads life on his own terms and he has trained me to follow or not to miss a beat.

“I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It’s not. Mine had me trained in two days.” Bill Dana

So had mine. If he doesn’t like something he shows it. Recently, I got him canned chicken to wean him away from tuna. He loves his tuna. Here comes furball, he walked to his bowl, took a whiff, snorted, turned and shot me a look of disgust and proceeded to bury it with his paws! After that, it was a battle of wills which didn’t last long. He refused to eat and I gave in and he got his tuna. He bolted it down with a look of satisfaction on his face which seemed to say, “Don’t try to change me! I am the way I am.” Sounds like some men I know.

Moving on……I think there is something mysterious about cats. It could be that permanent stare that never changes. They have one look for everything. It could be “bloody murder!” or “I love you,” but that stare never changes. Mine loves me unconditionally this much I know. Or is it the other way around? Today, he is giving me an extra portion of love. It started this morning with lots of snuggles and since then he has been following me around like a second shadow. Does he know it is Mother’s Day? I wouldn’t put past him. Cats are intelligent creatures, at least mine is and he has a mind of his own.

“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.” Mary Bly

Whatever the case maybe, I am thankful for his presence in my life. He teaches me patience when I’m at the end of my rope and showers me with love in the most unexpected ways. A slight brush against my cheek or the “almost kiss” which never takes place. He stops short right before he hits his target, moves up and plants a kiss on my forehead. That is good enough to make my heart melt. He shows me that I am his world but I stop short of showing him that he is mine. I think he knows already because he has me wrapped around his little paw!

This little love of mine is fascinating. He is just a small bundle of fur but there is much love packed within that little space. It has been said, “There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.”

I’ve got the music on and Chachi resting by my side purring softly as he watches the birds at play outside. It’s a PURRFECT DAY!

BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND

“Best Friends (circa 1910) Fred” by Museum of New Zealand/ CC0 1.0

“When you are your own best friend, you don’t endlessly seek out relationships, friendships, and validation from the wrong sources because you realize that the only approval and validation you need is your own.” Mandy Hale

How often have you looked to others for validation, to lift you up, to make you feel important, to give their approval and to make you feel loved? I know I have and have found myself wallowing in self-pity or even questioning me as a person. I am learning that loving yourself comes first. YOU are important, what you tell yourself is important. Be kind and gentle here because the way you talk to yourself is important. Work on yourself, it is the key element to get you out of the rut. What rut? The stuck in the mud rut. Your goal is to get you moving to a better life and to feel comfortable with yourself.

Invest in Yourself

This may sound like a new concept because we spend a lot of our energy and money in so many materialistic things but in our rush to please ourselves, we forget the all-important person who is left wanting. Invest in time spent with yourself, this doesn’t take much but dedication. A walk in nature to nurture your soul, meditation to look inwards and find peace, working out to bolster your health or even spend time talking to yourself. If you have the means, pamper yourself. Go for a massage, get a facial, get a nail or feet treatment and no, it doesn’t mean you are vain. It just means you are putting yourself first and showing love to the person who matters the most and that is YOU.

Invest in your Environment

Your home is your castle? Work to make it that way. Spruce up your garden, plant flowers that give you joy when they bloom and fill your space with color. Redo your living area and or your bedroom and add things to make you feel comfortable. Make it a place you love spending time in and love coming back to but most of all, a place where you can relax and pamper your soul.

Get Rid of the Unwanted

This is hard. If you want to be your own best friend, you need to make space for the important things. Get rid of the things that bog you down, the people who make you question who you are because they are in a bad place in their lives. If their only goal in life is to bring you down to their level of despair, let them go! Sometimes getting rid of the unwanted makes room for what is needed. New friends, love, laughter, joy and peace.

Say this to yourself and mean it.

“You are hands down, my favorite person.” Unknown

Being your own best friend takes time as it is with everything that matters. Be forgiving, speak softly and lovingly to yourself, encourage yourself, love yourself and work towards looking in the mirror and loving the person staring back at you. Be your own validation and life will get easier.

How to be your own best friend:

“Look in the mirror and give yourself a high-five.

Ask yourself often, “how are you feeling?”

Cry when you need to.

Give yourself a hug.

Forgive yourself for going back to old patterns and behaviors.

Encourage yourself with words you would use to encourage a friend.” Unknown

Good luck and I am on the self-same journey.