I’ve written about the different types of individuals who are out there on the dating circuit. The narcissists, the scammers, the cheaters, the old men pretending to be 30 again, and a whole host of others that I know are out there but I haven’t met yet and I hope I never do! The aforementioned types give dating a bad name.
Anyway, I went out on this date last week. He seemed nice enough. A medical doctor with an impressive list of achievements to his name. He walked in carrying a bouquet of flowers and with a smile plastered on his face. Three hours into the breakfast date, we were still talking. I had to cut it short so he walked me to the car, gave me a hug, a kiss on the cheek and with a, “We’ll talk later,” and went on his way. My thought at the time, “nice guy” except for the fact that he kept telling me that he had a whole slew of women vying for his attention. Hmm…that was a red flag, but I tossed it aside.
The next day, we talked on the phone and he said, “It was a nice meeting. I want to get to know you better. I have a guest bedroom at my place and you can stay there for the weekend. I promise nothing will happen.”
He seemed harmless enough but I knew that there was no way I was going to spend a weekend at his place, no way in hell! I decided to play it out. We’ve been talking everyday since then, just friendly talk. Then it changed yesterday.
The phone call came as usual. He started out with, “I want to be honest with you. I’m not the faithful type.”
ME: “You mean you were unfaithful in your marriage?
HIM: “I’ve always been unfaithful. I think there is a difference between loyalty and being faithful.”
All the alarm bells were going off and screaming “High Alert!”
ME: “What do you mean? If you’re with someone, you are with that person. There is no room for cheating.”
HIM: “I want to be honest with you. If I’m with you, my feelings will remain with you but if someone walks in and I want to have SEX with that person, it means nothing. IT IS JUST SEX, nothing more, nothing less!”
Where do I find these guys?!! Exactly my question. The problem is he didn’t see the stick stuck so far up my you know what and neither did he see all the doors slamming shut on him! I listened and then it was time to put him out of his misery.
ME: “This is not for me. Cheaters are not my cup of tea, coffee or whatever else! You do you and I’ll do me.”
HIM: “Once we are together, I think it will change. I THINK I will be faithful BUT I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
He was being honest but I started wondering how many marriages out there are running on this same concept. The “having your cake and eating it too,” concept. I know it is not for me. Either be with me 100% or take a hike!
Another one bites the dust. Onwards and forwards. This dating thing is more than a headache and a half!
Married for 60 years, they had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
“When we were to be married,’ she said, ‘ my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.’
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
‘Honey,’ he said, ‘that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?’
‘Oh,’ she said, ‘that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.
Sometimes we think that silence is just that, a certain quietness where nothing happens. It is a void that is soothing but nothing much comes out of it. I beg to differ. I have found that if you listen carefully, “silence” has much to say.
“It’s been said that actions speak louder than words, sometimes, it’s what you don’t say or do, that sends the loudest message.” Carlos Wallace
Quite often when something doesn’t go our way and we are hurt by another’s actions or words, the first reaction is to let it rip. Let it all out and show them how you feel and during those moments, words are aplenty and so are emotions. However, when all is said and done and you are wrung dry, more often than not you realize that you didn’t achieve anything through those outbursts of the unsavory kind.
“Once you’ve matured, you realize silence is more powerful than proving a point.” Unknown
Maturity doesn’t show up wearing bells and it does not say, “Here I am, take me and use me.” It shows up when you least expect it and when you’ve gone though the growing up process. The one that takes you on the ups and downs, the one where you find yourself down on your knees and the one that shows you there is a better way of doing things without going ballistic. It is the quiet gentle knowledge of knowing that you deserve better and you will move on with grace. No shouting or being loud needed.
“And suddenly I stopped explaining, stopped fixing, and just moved on. I learned that silence speaks louder than words. No response is a response. Now, I don’t chase. I don’t care and I let people feel the weight of their own choices.” Unknown
Easier said than done? I know because I’ve been there. Things are hard and life is harder still but learning to navigate choppy waters is a must if you want life to let up on you. If something doesn’t go your way, take it in stride. If someone doesn’t choose you, let him or her go. If life isn’t going like it’s supposed to, stop, take note, and then move on knowing that whatever it is that life throws your way, you are fully capable of handling it. Let silence be your guide and your best friend. There is much to be learned during your bout with silence if you’ll only listen.
“Silence is not empty, it is the loudest answer.” Unknown
Not only that, it gives you the ability to get your message across WITHOUT SAYING A WORD!
Try it the next time you want to let someone have what is coming to them or you are chomping at the bit to say your piece. Stop and move in silence.
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don’t have acne. Life is great. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
When I was a child I thought “nap time” was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is… ” I don’t have to write that down, I’ll remember it”.
I don’t have gray hair… I have “wisdom highlights”! I’m just very wise.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age “Getting Lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came In there for.
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.
Now, I’m wondering… did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?
In a trial, a US Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’
She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention, he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
“If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to jail.
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird.
The store manager replied, “That’s not good,” and promised he wouldn’t say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, “Hey lady.”
She paused and said, “Yes?”
The bird said, “You know.”
🤣🤣🤣
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now. That’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
It is a beautiful morning here and after days of rain, wind, and dark skies, the sun is making a showing and it is planning to stay for a while. I decided to put my boots on, bundle up with a scarf and a coat and go traipsing in the fields. It was cold like I expected but the sun was warm as it landed softly on my face, not the burning kind that you get in summer but a softer variety that feels like a gentle kiss.
No one was out there as usual, not even the guy with the dog. We haven’t seen each other for weeks now. The weather kept me indoors and he was probably out there walking his dog but our paths didn’t cross. Oh well, there is time enough f0r that.
Today, my mind is full of thoughts dashing here and there and they need reprieve. Walking is the perfect way to get them all out there and to send them packing!
The book has been weighing heavy on my mind. I seem to be more occupied with it then I want to be. It’s like I’m eating, sleeping and doing everything else with the book in tow! Last night, I woke up several times in the middle of the night and I could see rows and rows of bad reviews dancing in front of my eyes! God, it was awful. I told myself to calm down but this morning, I jumped out of bed to check and the book seemed to be doing fine. However, if you have a book out there, it takes work to make it visible and that means hard WORK! Unless you have a fairy godmother who waves her wand and makes it all happen for you. I don’t so I have to put my thinking cap on and work at it.
Update on the stalker. He stopped sending messages a week ago but then two days ago he said, “Hi Tia, thank you for everything!” What?!! I don’t know who this guy is but he seems to be smoking something that is warping his mind! Anyway, my mind is clearer now and I feel lighter not having to worry about this loser.
What else? I went out on two dates with the cheesecake guy. Well, actually not really dates, I call them “friends just meeting up for a coffee and a chat.” The first one was and it was pleasant enough. However, he was peering into my eyes to see if the twinkle or rather the sparkle was there. He’s all about the “sparkle.” Unfortunately for him, the sparkle box is closed and there are no more sparkles to be had! Anyway, we talked about many things and it was really nice. He also brought a big bouquet of pink and white roses and that was nice too. A few days later, he called and asked for a lunch date. We went to this nice restaurant and I enjoyed the company. Just a couple of hours of good food and talking about nothing in particular. The tension wasn’t there. I didn’t have to wonder what was coming next. He dropped me off at my place, got out of the car to open the door for me, and then it came. This big, crashing, hug that left me gasping for breath and then he gave me a kiss on the cheek and as he moved to my lips, I stopped it, thanked him and I haven’t heard from him since.
Chachi says, “GOOD!”
I have another date next week. Actually it was today but I chickened out! So I moved it to next week. He seems like a nice enough guy. A medical doctor so it should be an interesting date. Even if it doesn’t work out, I get to pick his brain about things I’ve always wanted to know about doctors. Questions like, “What was the worst case you handled?” “Any spooky tales to tell?” You get the drift.
That’s about it folks. My mind is empty now and I’m ready to get started with my day and to fill my head again and this time I hope with much better stuff.
Change is hard because “our brains are wired to prefer certainty, comfort, and routine, and change threatens our sense of control and security.” Add fear of the unknown to it and it is next to impossible to accept change when it rolls around as it inevitably does because it is a part of life. Change happens whether we like it or not and learning to live with it is a must.
I dig in my heels whenever “change” shows its face around here. My first instinct is to shout out loud more out of fear than anything else. “Oh no, not you again! I don’t need any more changes in my well-organized and well-regimented life,” that is my cry. Change just smiles and takes its place patiently until I come to my senses because it knows that there is no getting away from it, and then it is time to go to work again, getting rid of the old and letting the new in.
“Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have and underestimate the value of what they may gain by giving that up.” James Belusco and Ralph Stayer
Have you ever struggled to hold onto something when letting go was the only option you had? Did you come up with excuses as to why it needed to stay? Did you turn what was staring you in the face, the truth, into more than what it was? I’m sure all of us have done that at one point or another. Hanging on to what is familiar is easy to do, not much effort is needed, and even if it hurts like hell, it is a much better option then taking the radical route. The one that takes you on a different path, the road less traveled so to speak and not knowing what is around that corner is more than frightening. If truth be told, it is the path that you’ll have to take to free yourself of what is weighing you down and it is the path that comes with changes. Those changes bring uncertainty, they bring pain, they make you accept your inadequacies and at times, they are more than uncomfortable. If you want better, accepting change is the only way to go.
“Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end.” Robin Sharma
I’m at the “messy in the middle” part. The “gorgeous” part hasn’t arrived yet and it is scary at times but I know that if I keep at it and keep moving forward one step at a time, I’ll see the light. What light? The light at the end of the tunnel. Change is hard and I’m discarding as I go and accepting some truths that are needed as I move forward. I’ll get there one day.
Sometimes accepting “change” is the only way to go. Let go of what you give value to when you know that you’re overestimating its worth. Not everything is the “next best thing since sliced bread,” and quite often it is more like stale bread! Accept changes as they come and know it will be hard until it turns into something gorgeous.
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