This past year has seen both good and bad events. I will talk about the good events. One of them was the publication of my book, The Excellent Adventures of Honey and Hubie. It took forever to get it published and the waiting time was filled with frustration but there was a euphoric high when it was finally out there. Seeing it in print was a feeling I can’t really describe. Happiness was one thing, my writing being out there was another, and a certain nervousness as to what happens next followed.
I think every writer goes through those emotions. Will it make it was the other question? Will it be liked? Will it bomb? You get the drift. However, the first reviews were positive. Then more started coming in. They were mostly positive and then, it hit. I call it a bad review because it brought me back to earth with a loud thud! I was angry, sad, confused, and a whole host of other emotions I can’t even begin to describe. I decided to climb out of the hole, of my own making, and to take it in stride. Then followed more reviews and when the teachers, parents, and educators decided to join in and called it, “a classic in the making,” I was back up again.
If you’re a new author, here’s the thing. It seems that all 5-star ratings are not always a good thing, especially if you have a lot of reviews, according to you know who. Having a mix is a better way to go. I don’t know if that is true but the book is doing fine and I’m still waiting for that movie director to pick it up and say, “Here’s a hit movie in the making!” Hasn’t happened yet but fingers crossed!
The other thing that I’m still working on is to get “me” in a better place. Dating the wrong guys, putting up with false friendships, and learning to go it alone until I know what I really want and will tolerate in my life is taking some time. It is a work in progress. There has been ups and downs, falling flat on my face, picking myself back up again and thinking it is an impossible task to do. However, I am finding that I’ve made headway. The “wrong guys” have been sent packing, I’ve said goodbye to fake friendships and I am seeing a new person emerge out of the fog so to speak. She is much stronger, knows her self-worth and is ready to tackle whatever life throws her way. It doesn’t mean that I’ve made it. It just means that I’m willing to accept the challenge and to see what is out there as I make my way up the mountain top.
Will next year bring something better? I don’t know but positivity brings positivity as they say. One can only hope!
Daily writing prompt
What positive events have taken place in your life over the past year?
There are two kinds of letting go, perhaps there are more ways of doing that but I’m going to talk about two kinds here that make letting go more than a nightmare.. The kind that is of a temporary nature and then there is the more permanent kind. In the temporary kind, you have every intention of letting go but when you do, it is only a matter of time before you go back to the same person. It doesn’t matter how bad the person has treated you, how you were almost invisible in their eyes, how they never had any time for you and you were never the priority but still, you hope and wish that things could have been different. Here’s the problem, it never changes because what they’ve shown you is what you get, nothing more, nothing less. Instead of showing them the door, you keep it slightly ajar just in case they decide to walk back in and do the drumroll all over again and you bow to their every wish.
“It sucks when you know that you need to let go, but you can’t because you’re still waiting for the impossible to happen.” Unknown
The other “letting go” kind is doing it permanently. You realize that the person you were seeing or dating has a lot of the qualities above and you see them for what they are. Maybe it is narcissism, maybe it is selfishness, maybe it is a lack of integrity or character and maybe they are just too full of themselves and think they are IT and everything revolves around them. It’s time to cut the cord because the relationship is not going anywhere and you also realize that you deserve better than what is being handed to you on a worn-out platter. It’s time to do a major change and to take out the trash.
“Letting go does not mean you stop caring, it means you stop trying to force others to.” Mandy Hale
There are many lessons to learn in life and one of them is, you can’t force someone to change. You can only change yourself and take control of who you are, what you deserve and who you want to be with.
“The hardest part about letting go is finally realizing that there wasn’t much left to hold on to.” Unknown
The problem with letting go and why it doesn’t work at times is because we keep looking back at a non-existent relationship and we romanticize it to the point that the guy comes out looking like Prince Charming when in actuality he is a toad or a turd! We come in with the “if only” scenarios hoping and wishing it could be different. Changing someone’s character is next to impossible, it might work for a while but then the real person shows up again and it is only a matter of time before that happens. If he is a cheater, you can bet your bottom dollar that he’ll do it again. If he is a narcissist, he’s a lost cause and if he’s someone who shows no empathy or compassion, well, that is not going to change either because it is built into their DNA. Pay careful attention to what they show you because you’re looking at the truth right there.
“If he’s stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him.” Unknown
That is good advice because if he wants to go, let him go. Don’t keep wondering who he is with, what they are doing together and what he is up to. If you do, it makes letting go a very hard or almost an impossible thing to do.
“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.” Oprah Winfrey
Take Ms. Winfrey’s advice, the lady knows what she is talking about. Stay in the moment and give him enough rope to hang himself but YOU keep moving forward. Rest assured that whoever he is with or whatever he is doing is not far from what he was doing with you because people never change and they don’t change overnight and start smelling like a rose either. It is not for you to wonder why, just know that perhaps it was for the best.
Looking for the needle in a haystack is defined as “something that is almost impossible to find because it is hidden among so many other things,” or it could mean that you are very unlikely indeed to find it.
Someone once said to me that I choose to be alone. If I didn’t want to be alone, I would already be in a relationship. I disagree with this assumption. Choosing a partner needs to be a well-thought out, well-planned affair. Grabbing any guy who comes along is easy but that one elusive person, the one who fits the mold and the one who offers long-term is really hard to find. The needle in the haystack is elusive, impossible to find and at times the end goal is disappointing and yet I keep looking. Am I trying too hard? It has been said that when you go looking for something, you never find it but when you stop looking, there it is right before your eyes.
“If you hunt for a needle in a haystack you don’t find it. If you don’t give a darn whether you ever see the needle or not – it runs into you the first time you lean against the stack.” P. G. Wodehouse
Perhaps there is some truth to this quote but alas Mr. Wodehouse, my problem is that I keep missing the haystack altogether! I want to zero in on that haystack where the needle is hidden but each haystack I find seems to be the wrong one and I walk past without exploring further. Picky? Definitely. I have this “perfect guy” image etched in my mind and that right there is the problem. He is in my mind and the others don’t measure up. At this rate, I don’t think I’m going to find him no matter how many frogs I kiss not that I’ve kissed that many. I walk off before the kiss happens and look towards the distance for the next Prince Charming to come riding in on his white horse but it never fails, they are missing one thing or another and sometimes they ride in with no horse at all!
How do you find that needle in the haystack?
The answer – “the way you find an actual needle in an actual haystack – is to burn the haystack to the ground. What you’ll be left with is the needle, because metal doesn’t burn.” Jennie Young
If that fails, “Needle in the haystack’s easy – just bring a magnet.” Keith DeCandido
Fine and good and even funny to an extent but that guy living rent-free in my head needs to materialize in front of me so that we can ride off into the sunset together. Please universe, if you are listening make it happen before the next frog rolls around with his lips puckered for that all elusive kiss!
It is a beautiful morning here and after days of rain, wind, and dark skies, the sun is making a showing and it is planning to stay for a while. I decided to put my boots on, bundle up with a scarf and a coat and go traipsing in the fields. It was cold like I expected but the sun was warm as it landed softly on my face, not the burning kind that you get in summer but a softer variety that feels like a gentle kiss.
No one was out there as usual, not even the guy with the dog. We haven’t seen each other for weeks now. The weather kept me indoors and he was probably out there walking his dog but our paths didn’t cross. Oh well, there is time enough f0r that.
Today, my mind is full of thoughts dashing here and there and they need reprieve. Walking is the perfect way to get them all out there and to send them packing!
The book has been weighing heavy on my mind. I seem to be more occupied with it then I want to be. It’s like I’m eating, sleeping and doing everything else with the book in tow! Last night, I woke up several times in the middle of the night and I could see rows and rows of bad reviews dancing in front of my eyes! God, it was awful. I told myself to calm down but this morning, I jumped out of bed to check and the book seemed to be doing fine. However, if you have a book out there, it takes work to make it visible and that means hard WORK! Unless you have a fairy godmother who waves her wand and makes it all happen for you. I don’t so I have to put my thinking cap on and work at it.
Update on the stalker. He stopped sending messages a week ago but then two days ago he said, “Hi Tia, thank you for everything!” What?!! I don’t know who this guy is but he seems to be smoking something that is warping his mind! Anyway, my mind is clearer now and I feel lighter not having to worry about this loser.
What else? I went out on two dates with the cheesecake guy. Well, actually not really dates, I call them “friends just meeting up for a coffee and a chat.” The first one was and it was pleasant enough. However, he was peering into my eyes to see if the twinkle or rather the sparkle was there. He’s all about the “sparkle.” Unfortunately for him, the sparkle box is closed and there are no more sparkles to be had! Anyway, we talked about many things and it was really nice. He also brought a big bouquet of pink and white roses and that was nice too. A few days later, he called and asked for a lunch date. We went to this nice restaurant and I enjoyed the company. Just a couple of hours of good food and talking about nothing in particular. The tension wasn’t there. I didn’t have to wonder what was coming next. He dropped me off at my place, got out of the car to open the door for me, and then it came. This big, crashing, hug that left me gasping for breath and then he gave me a kiss on the cheek and as he moved to my lips, I stopped it, thanked him and I haven’t heard from him since.
Chachi says, “GOOD!”
I have another date next week. Actually it was today but I chickened out! So I moved it to next week. He seems like a nice enough guy. A medical doctor so it should be an interesting date. Even if it doesn’t work out, I get to pick his brain about things I’ve always wanted to know about doctors. Questions like, “What was the worst case you handled?” “Any spooky tales to tell?” You get the drift.
That’s about it folks. My mind is empty now and I’m ready to get started with my day and to fill my head again and this time I hope with much better stuff.
A wife decides to take her husband James to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey James, how you doing?”
His wife’s puzzled and asks if he’s been to the club before.
“Oh no,” says James. “He’s on my bowling team.”
When they were seated, a waitress asks James if he’d like his usual and brings him over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”
“Oh, she’s in the ladies bowling league, honey. We share lanes with them.”
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around James, and says, “Hi James, want your usual table dance, big boy?’
James’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. James follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She’s screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book. The cabbie turns around and says,
“Looks like you’ve picked up a real bi**ch tonight, James.”
BOOM!
Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.
A man had just finished reading a new book called, “HOW YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR OWN HOME AGAIN.”
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly,
“Firstly – From now on, YOU need to understand that I AM THE MAN of this house, and simply accept that what I say goes!”
“Secondly – You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert afterward.”
“Then, after dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me to our bedroom where we will indulge in whatever forms of lovemaking that I choose – no matter what you might have said in the past.”
“After that, you are going to draw me a warm bath so that I can relax.”
“You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me a robe.”
“Then you will massage my feet and hands.”
“Then after that’s done, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”
“Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.” Brene Brown
It is also the hardest thing to do. Pulling the covers over your head, staying in bed and letting the day carry on without you is the norm and putting all your attention on the one thing or couple of things that tell you, not showing up is the way to go. I think we’ve all had those days and for some, it is a daily existence and for others it is a short stop before we pick up and carry on. Whichever the case may be for you, staying put is not going to do it. It takes courage to move on.
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” Brene Brown
Your first step to showing up for yourself is to show up as you are, fears and all. “Showing up is the act of being present and vulnerable, and courage is the ability to do so despite being afraid.” I realized that I haven’t been showing up for myself these past two weeks. Fear has stepped in and peace of mind is nowhere to be seen. I seem to be wading through thick, gooey mud and each step is painstakingly slow if at all. I want the day to go away and staying under the covers is where I would like to spend my days. However, something stopped me in my tracks yesterday. Call it courage, call it intuition, or just my mind telling me to “BUCKLE UP!” and MOVE! It worked.
Today is another day and I am moving for all I’m worth. It’s not the physical kind of moving I’m talking about but the mental and emotional kind. Enough of the self-pity, the negative self talk, and the “I can’t do this” mentality. I know I can and I will!
“No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up and never give up.” Unknown
It is exactly what I’m doing today. The stalker sent this message last night.
“Good evening Tia, do you know who I am?”
My answer today is, “I don’t give a flying flip!”
I’m on the move again and I intend to show up for myself with bells on! Taking your power back from whatever is holding you back is a necessary step, letting go of people who bring you down is important but more than that, knowing that you are fully capable of handling whatever comes your way is one big leap towards moving on with life.
“There will be moments in life when showing up for yourself will mean leaving behind those who don’t.” Alex Elle
Show up, take life by the horns, and move forward decisively. Exactly what I’m doing today. The sun is showing up after the storm last night and it seems to be a clear signal to get MOVING!
There are several principles that define how I live my life, but there are four intrinsic values that I adhere to. They are honesty, integrity, empathy and kindness.
These four make up the cornerstone of how I live my life. Honesty is important and I try to be as honest as I can. There are times when the “white lies” creep in but those moments are few and far between. However, those “white lies” do come back to haunt me. I am learning to be more straightforward without being hurtful.
Integrity is a must as far as I am concerned. I stand by what I say and when I promise something, I do it. My word is my bond and it really is with me. It basically means that “a person’s spoken promise is a serious and unbreakable commitment, just like a legal bond.” This signifies the highest level of integrity. I know many people who don’t stand by their word. It seems to be a norm these days but I do stand by what I say and you can count on it.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It is about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes and it means to understand and consider another person’s feelings and lifestyle without judgment. I try but sometimes I fall short. It is a work in progress.
Kindness is important. I try to be kind, generous, friendly, and considerate to others. It makes for a better world and one act of kindness is all it takes to put a smile on someone’s face when they’re having a bad day or to show them that someone cares.
Those are the principles I live by. There are others but these four are front and center when it comes to defining how I live my life and they help to guide me on the right path and to keep me grounded.
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