I love this beautiful country gospel song. It gives me strength and hope.
Tag: Strength
A Tough Day
I spent most of yesterday in the hospital. What should have been a pre-op meeting with the anesthesiologist and the surgeon turned out to be a long drawn out affair. They were short on staff so it meant long waiting times.
Being punctual, I showed up on time. It was time to meet them and to see what is coming my way. The first meeting was with a lady who asked a lot of questions and took down the next of kin’s information in case something goes wrong! Then it was back to the waiting room. Forty minutes later, I was called in again for blood samples and an urine sample. Back out again in the waiting room, 3o minutes later the meeting with the anesthesiologist took place. A nice guy who explained the procedure, asked more questions, and told me, “Operations always have risks.” Hmm….that didn’t help to quiet my already raging mind. I was sent outside again and it was time to wait again. Then I was called in to another office and I met with the surgeon, not the one who will be doing the procedure, she said someone from her team will be doing the actual operation but it won’t be her. Why am I talking to people who will not be doing the actual procedure? Maybe it works differently in Germany.
Anyway, we had a good talk, a few laughs, and then I was sent back out again. Thirty minutes later, I went into another room and was told to show up bright and early on Monday. I should be there at 7:30 a.m. and then it will take off from there. What I didn’t tell you is that I might need two operations! According to the surgeon, two hours wouldn’t give them enough time to do everything they need to do and it looked like another operation would be necessary to finish the job.
I AM GOING TO DIE!
That’s exactly what I told her and she laughed. “No, you are not going to die,” those were her words.
Am I feeling better with this pre-op talk? What do you think?!!! The thing is I have no choice, I’ve signed the papers and it’s a GO on Monday. God, help me!
Voice of Hope
This one is beautiful and it is for everyone walking through the fire so to speak. I can’t do this alone, be my strength Lord.
A Week to Go!
This time next week, I will be changing into a hospital gown, you know the kind that leaves things exposed in the back! I’m not looking forward to that at all and neither am I looking forward to meeting the team who will be assisting the surgeon, one who will walk in like God to do what he needs to do to get me back on track.
I’ve been climbing walls, sleep has been eluding me, and I’m jittery and feeling like the lamb being led to the slaughter! Yesterday, I prepared the living room for my return back from the hospital. This house has four floors. A lot of room you say? You are right. However, it is not cut out for recuperating after a hospital stay. I usually sleep on the 1st floor and I love it. This time around, I will have to move to the ground floor so that I can avoid going up and down the stairs. The week of recuperation means no stairs, and no workouts! Light walking is absolutely fine, like 10 to 15 steps and that is it! Will I survive it? I have to. My willpower is strong and my mindset is too. The goal is to survive the operation and to work hard at getting my body stronger and better than before.
First, I have to survive the operation. The “angel” the lady who is going to be helping me and who works at that hospital told me that I will be kept in the intensive care unit after the OP. Why?!! “Nothing to worry about. It’s so they can keep a watchful eye on you.”
I keep telling people that I’m going to die and I did the same when a friend called last night. We are close, well we were very close meaning we had a thing going. We were going back and forth with the relationship thing and now we are friends, but in his words, “We are very close.” Anyway, the point is, I told him that if I survive this next week, we should go away together.
HIM: “You mean travel together?”
ME: “Yes, I’m changing my mind on traveling. I don’t want to just exist, I want to live life.”
HIM: “Existing is no fun. You have to live life.”
ME: “I’m thinking Vietnam. Seems like a great place to visit.”
He has traveled the world.
HIM: “Yes, the world has so many beautiful places to visit and experience.”
ME: “That is if you want to go with me.”
HIM: “Of course, I would go with you. Sri Lanka is another great place.”
ME: “Oh yes, a week in paradise with lots of Ayurvedic treatments sounds great to me.”
Then I came in with, “That is if I don’t DIE before that!”
See where my mind is going and staying? I don’t know why but I’ve been preparing for the worst case scenario. I’ve also had visions of me walking into the operating room with Mike (my angel) holding one hand, and Jesus holding my other hand! Not a bad vision since one of those two has the power to move mountains and more!
Until then, I am preparing the living room for my stay there. I am converting the couch into a bed, and have everything close by. I don’t have a TV downstairs so I will have to make do with my iPhone, books, magazines, and writing materials close at hand. The garden is right outside the door so that is great. I can sit outside and listen to the birds, and let nature do its healing thing. The “angel” lady is going to come by and check on me twice a day. She will also do what needs to be done. I am truly grateful for her help.
Again, all of this comes down to if I make it out of that operating room and if I do, the next step is the intensive care unit. OKAY, I’m not going to think about dying! I’m going to think that it is all going to go according to the PERFECT PLAN. I will let go of control and accept what comes next.
AMEN TO THAT!
Beautiful Country Gospel Song
HE”LL CARRY YOU THROUGH.
Courage in Practice
Courage is not being, “fearless.” Courage is shaking at the knees, choking on your words, heart gripped by uncertainty, but stepping forward on your journey anyway. (Unknown)
That quote right there says it all. Courage doesn’t arrive with grand gestures but in small steps. It means showing up for yourself even if you don’t feel like it. It means getting up in the mornings and saying, “I’m going to try again.” It means staring whatever is holding you back right in the face and daring to take that first small step forward. It means moving towards that mountain top not knowing what is waiting for you there but trusting that it will be better than where you’re at right now.
“Courage isn’t having the strength to go on – it is going on when you don’t have strength.” Napoleon Bonaparte
How often have you thrown up your hands and said, “I give up!” I’ve been there and so have you. However, it is those very moments that call for courage to step up and to put fear in its place. It is easy to run and hide, to not show up for yourself and to wear the mantle of defeat proudly. Moving on becomes heavy and each step forward, sometimes next to impossible. Courage needs practice like anything else in life. It doesn’t happen overnight and neither is it easy. Each time you face defeat as you inevitably will because life is about overcoming obstacles and nothing is going to be made easy and handed to you on a silver platter. The truth of the matter is, it takes work and sometimes hard work to achieve what you want. On your way, you will meet fear (my constant companion) and you will meet defeat. However, you are made of stronger stuff and you, my friend, are capable of showing up, time and time again until one day you are holding the letter “V” in your hands and giving whatever is holding you back a run for the money!
“COURAGE DOESN’T ALWAYS ROAR. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, “I will try again tomorrow.” Mary Anne Radmacher
Remember practice makes perfect and “courage” in small doses is what it is about. Make a list and start with the smallest thing on that list. Work your way up one step at a time putting fear where it belongs. Good luck on your journey.
Have an amazing day.
Flexibility
“We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.” Unknown
If you are strong-willed like I am, this is a hard one to stomach or swallow. I think I’m as stiff as a rod when it comes to being flexible. I can bend and sway with the best of them but changing what I am accustomed to is a hard ask and it doesn’t happen easily for me. It takes a very long time. You can drag me to the water but making me drink is another thing altogether!
“True flexibility can only be achieved through constant adaptation to new circumstances.” Janna Cachola
Deepak Chopra says, “Flexibility opens infinite possibilities, rigidity closes them.”
And that right there is my problem. I am set in my ways and instead of adapting to changes, I usually want to control the situation hoping it will stay the same because adaptation in all its forms means accepting the inevitable and moving on and that is a hard thing to do. It doesn’t matter if “change” would bring about something better. I see it as this unknown monster that needs slaying in order to start anew and that is frightening to say the least.
I have to learn that, “Being flexible means not reacting but actively adjusting to life’s twists and turns. Face the unexpected with resilience, and every challenge becomes an opportunity.” Unknown
It’s not that I am a novice at adjusting to life’s twists and turns. I’ve had more than my share of it but each time something unforeseen happens and I’m left to stare change in the face, I pull back, run to the corner yelling, “Go Away! Leave Me Alone! Not You Again!”
Unfortunately, moving on and accepting changes is what life is all about isn’t it? Nothing remains the same forever, well maybe death but even then there are grey areas. So my next goal is to work with “flexibility” and embrace it as much as I can but not become best friends with it. I don’t want it showing up at my front door too often but when it does I will be gracious and in so doing, I hope it will leave me in peace!
“How strange that the grass is all that remains standing after the storm,” said the Boy.
“Sometimes being soft is strong,” said the Rabbit.
Flexibility is needed to go up against life’s challenges and change is often the result. Acceptance is the next step and moving on is inevitable. That said, flexibility is needed not to direct the wind, that is an impossible task, but to tweak it to where it is manageable and that folks takes many many lessons to learn. I know I’ll never be perfect at it, nothing in life ever is but I’m learning to stand my ground and to bend with resilience and to bounce back when necessary.
“Bamboo is flexible, bending with the wind but never breaking, capable of adapting to any circumstance. It suggests resilience, meaning that we have the ability to bounce back even from the most difficult times.” Ping Fu
Here’s to flexibility, you’re not my best friend but I hope you’ll be gentle with me the next time you come around.
Have an amazing Sunday.
You vs. You (Archives)
“It’s you versus you. Meaning you’re the only thing standing in your way.” Amber Tamblyn
The battle lines are often drawn when it comes to facing life’s adversities, difficulties and the unknown. How often do you say, “This is too hard to handle or I can’t do this!” Life’s uncertainties are often met with, I am unworthy, I am too small, I am insignificant, I am not pretty enough, I am not capable, I am not enough and so on. We come up with so many excuses as to why we can’t achieve something or why it is impossible but if truth be told, we make mountains out of molehills. I often point my fingers at everything but myself. I become small and that problem, whatever it is, changes shape and becomes a mountain. It doesn’t matter that the mountain is of my own making, it’s there and it seems insurmountable.
What if we take a step back and view it from a different angle? Is it still insurmountable? How about if we changed our mindset to one of “I can” instead of “I can’t?” I know some problems are huge and they remain huge no matter which way you look at it but there are others that become that way because the “you” the negative “you” sees it that way and so it looms larger than life and once that negative mindset takes hold, it is all downhill from there. I’ve started looking at problems as just that. They are problems yes but I’ve decided to downsize them. I give them a cursory glance at first then I break it down into pieces and tackle it that way. Gone are the days of heart-thumping and end-of-the-world theatrics. No, it hasn’t made the problem any less of a problem but breaking it down does make it more manageable. Perhaps we need to remember it is not you vs. you but YOU working with you to come up with a solution, one that is workable.
It has been said you are your own worst enemy but what if you become your own best friend? Wouldn’t life be so much easier not to mention simpler? Here are some tips on how to do exactly that from the mindful.org.
When you look at the mirror, appreciate the unique person staring back at you – there’s never been another you!
When you talk to yourself, be friendly! Be understanding! NEVER BE MEAN!
When you need lovin’, give yourself a self-hug. Don’t knock it ’till you try it!
Don’t be shy to use your name and tell yourself that you love you.
Make a date with yourself to do something kind and caring.
Make yourself laugh.
Take time for contemplative practices that help you stay tuned in to your body, mind and emotions so that you might always be able to access your inner wisdom.
Idowu Koyenikan had this to say about problems.
“Mountains are only a problem when they are bigger than you. You should develop yourself so much that you become bigger than the mountains you face.”
If all else fails, you can give the “you” that is causing you problems a boot out the door! That should do it. Easier said than done I know and finally, YOU ARE ENOUGH AS YOU ARE so don’t underestimate yourself.
Have an amazing day.
Standing Strong (Archives)
Weakness is easy. It doesn’t take much to get you there. It could be brought about by the breakdown of a relationship or a situation in life that brings us to our knees. During those times, “weakness” will come around holding out its hands to us and more often than not we are more than willing to stay for awhile and wallow there in the darkness. Be very careful of weakness, it’s a false friend. It is inadequate, feeble, lacking in firmness and strength is not one of its attributes. Know when to let go and stand back up.
“We do not have to become heroes overnight. Just a step at a time, meeting each thing that comes up, seeing it as not as dreadful as it appeared, discovering we have the strength to stare it down.” Eleanor Roosevelt
Choose your lessons carefully. If you don’t want darkness than don’t stand in it. There are things that happen in life that we have no control over but there are the ones that we know exactly what we are getting into. For example, the people we choose to have relationships with knowing full well that we are headed for disaster from the get go or the things we shouldn’t do and yet it beckons and we go for it ignoring the consequences or choosing to go into the lion’s den knowing full well what is awaiting us there. Choose to stand in the light.
“If you want the light to come into your life, you need to stand where it is shining.” Guy Finley
Not always easy I know. Being strong when faced with adversity is not always doable. Being strong when standing in the dark and faced with the unknown is scary. Being strong when all you want to do is throw up your hands is one of the hardest things to do. I learned my hardest lessons not when things and situations were at their best but when they were at their most difficult. The lessons we learn when we are at our most vulnerable are the ones that help us as we make our way through life and the ones that help to shore us up for the lessons to come. The ones that teach us we are not breakable but pliable and like that tree that moves and bends as the wind picks up, we too are fully capable of handling whatever life throws our way.
“You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice.” Bob Marley
Have an amazing day.
Letting Go
I’ve written about letting go before but this time it is about letting go of adult children. It is interesting how they come into your life and turn your world upside down from the first moment you hear that cry, that helpless cry which signals for you to step in and take over as their protector and their safe zone. However, as they start to grow, life becomes a series of letting go.
“Letting go of adult children involves trusting your parenting, allowing them to make mistakes for growth, setting healthy boundaries, and shifting from directing to supporting.”
I’ve been grappling with the idea of “letting go” ever since my son got the news shortly before Christmas that he got the job he has been dreaming of. I couldn’t have been prouder as he stood there wearing the “cat who swallowed the cream” look and gave me the news. I was PROUD but a day later, I found myself gasping for air. The move would mean he would be four hours away, an eternity to me. Even though university was two hours away and I went from, “I can’t!” to I will survive this. I did. However, there were days when my anxiety took over and I had to talk myself down from the tree I was on. I needed to believe that he would be alright but it was hard to do. Somehow I made it through.
“As a parent, you quickly realize that life is one long series of letting go: watching your kid crawl, then walk, then run, and then drive away.” Deborah Mitchell
The papers are there, he will have to make a decision soon and then it will happen whether I want it to or not. Part of me wants him with me but he is no longer a child, he is a young man getting ready to fly. He is looking forward to a new life and even though the unknown is scary, I sense that he is ready to go.
“Raising your child well is hard. But learning to let them go out into the world and prove that you did your job right is even tougher.” J. Crane
It is TOUGH! We had a long talk yesterday and I see this young man who thinks he has the world in the palms of his hands and he is ready to show the world that he is capable, strong, and ready to rumble! I still see my baby. I guess I always will.
“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings.” Hodding Carter, Jr.
AND
“Loving your adult children means letting them grow, stumble, and soar on their own terms. Independence is their gift to themselves – and your gift to them.” Unknown
I KNOW that when the time comes and I have to let him go again, I will. Until then, I will talk myself into letting him go knowing that he has the wings he needs and I will be the wind under them if ever he needs me.
I’ve taught him well and it is time to fly even if my heart wants to hold a little tighter for just a little while longer.
“Being a good parent requires knowing when to push & when to back off when to help & when to let them make mistakes & then being strong enough to watch them go.” Unknown
I wish you well.
