June 2025 – Page 5

Mind Games (Archives)

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Harper’s Bazaar defines it as, “signs of manipulation and deception. It hurts people’s feelings and gives them trust issues.” According to them, these are major red flags and it has no place in a happy, healthy relationship.

True and you deserve a happy, and healthy relationship. However, many play mind games just for the hell of it because it makes them feel good or just for some sick pleasure. Others have made it part and parcel of their dating existence. How do you spot this wolf in sheep’s clothing? Not easy because they disguise themselves as one of the good guys. They look and come across as harmless but in actuality, they have the potential to hurt you badly through their manipulative tactics.

Here are the tell-tale signs. Actually there are 9 of them according to geediting.com but I think there are more of them.

Inconsistent behavior……this one is like dealing with Jekyll and Hyde. He’s the nice guy one minute and the next you’ll be wondering what changed. It’s NOT YOU! It’s HIM!

Gaslighting..…a technique used to question your own reality, experiences, or perceptions. If you’re constantly doubting or questioning yourself, you might just be a victim of gaslighting.

They never apologize…..this is one significant part of someone playing mind games. Be aware. Instead of apologizing, they deflect blame onto others.

They make you feel guilty….this is one of the tools master manipulators use to shift power in their favor.

They’re hot and cold…..this tactic is known as “love bombing.” This technique will leave you confused and unsure of where you stand and that’s exactly where they want you.

They make you question your worth…..this is a clear sign that someone is playing mind games. It is used to erode your self-esteem making you dependent on them for validation. It’s a form of control.

They withhold affection as punishment….one minute everything’s great and the next they’re not talking to you. It’s a manipulative technique to gain control and hold the upper hand in the relationship. A harsh method used to get whatever they want.

They make you feel like everything’s your fault….even when it isn’t. You’re the bad person and they come out smelling like a rose. Reassess and move on.

They use your insecurities against you….they know your vulnerabilities and they exploit it to gain power and control.

I’ll add silent treatment to the list above. Master manipulators are pros when it comes to using silent treatment to their advantage. It is used as a form of punishment to make you feel unimportant and anxious so that you scramble to make THEM feel important again which means doing anything they want.

“Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions.” Unknown

Mind games have no place in a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship deserves respect, love, caring AND your well-being matters. If you find yourself going through one of the 9 items listed above over and over again, it’s time to leave the loser behind to his own wiles and move on to someone who will meet you on equal terms and treat you as an equal as well. They’re out there, you just have to weed through the losers to get there but anything is better than a master manipulator.

“Mind games do not make me believe you are mysterious or interesting. Mind games do make me believe you are a waste of my time and energy!” Unknown

AND

“Let’s play kind games instead of mind games.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Something Remarkable?

What notable things happened today? Nothing much happens around here and things are usually on an even keel and that is a good thing. I don’t like changes and neither do I like anything unforeseen creeping into the picture.

It was a nice day. A friend came over to help in the garden because the weeds are enjoying their freedom after all the rain we’ve had and their freedom needs to be curbed! So this friend came over dressed in his grubby clothes ready to tackle the stuff that I hate doing. I love the garden but I don’t like doing the work!

He did the mowing, the weeding, trimming of the rose bushes and taking down the big and old barbeque pit. It needed to go. We had lunch at a nice Chinese place, picked up some stuff at the garden center and it was back for more of the same. I decided that the lounger would be nicer out back. It was under the terrace area but now we’ve moved it to the other side of the garden. It is shady there and it is a quiet spot to let my mind wander right under the big old magnolia tree and an old pine tree. A perfect spot to rest and relax so he moved it without complaining!

Later, we had a cup of coffee and CHEESECAKE and after a short conversation, it was time for him to go. He promised to come back and cart away the stones from the pit at another time! Sometimes it’s good to have friends who are willing to do the work without complaining!

If there was anything notable, it would be the fact that he did the work without wanting anything in return. It was always a song and dance about the same stuff and that he only gets a kiss on the cheek and a hug and nothing more. Today, there was none of that. He was actually very nice and we had a few laughs and there was no stress. Other than that, it was for all purposes a day like any other and that folks is a NOTABLE day in my opinion.

Daily writing prompt

What notable things happened today?

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BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND (Archives)

“Best Friends (circa 1910) Fred” by Museum of New Zealand/ CC0 1.0

“When you are your own best friend, you don’t endlessly seek out relationships, friendships, and validation from the wrong sources because you realize that the only approval and validation you need is your own.” Mandy Hale

How often have you looked to others for validation, to lift you up, to make you feel important, to give their approval and to make you feel loved? I know I have and I have found myself wallowing in self-pity or even questioning my self-worth as a person. I am learning that loving yourself comes first. YOU are important, what you tell yourself is important. Be kind and gentle here because the way you talk to yourself is important. Work on yourself, it is the key element to get you out of the rut. What rut? The stuck in the mud rut. Your goal is to get you moving to a better life and to feel comfortable with yourself.

Invest in Yourself

This may sound like a new concept because we spend a lot of our energy and money in so many materialistic things but in our rush to please ourselves, we forget the all-important person who is left wanting. Invest in time spent with yourself, this doesn’t take much but dedication. A walk in nature to nurture your soul, meditation to look inwards and find peace, working out to bolster your health or even spend time talking to yourself. If you have the means, pamper yourself. Go for a massage, get a facial, get a manicure or a pedicure, and no it doesn’t mean you are vain. It just means you are putting yourself first and showing love to the person who matters the most and that is YOU.

Invest in your Environment

Your home is your castle? Work to make it that way. Spruce up your garden, plant flowers that give you joy when they bloom and fill your space with color. Redo your living area and or your bedroom and add things to make you feel comfortable. Make it a place you love spending time in and love coming back to but most of all, a place where you can relax and pamper your soul.

Get Rid of the Unwanted

This is hard. If you want to be your own best friend, you need to make space for the important things. Get rid of the things that bog you down, the people who make you question who you are because they are in a bad place in their lives. If their only goal in life is to bring you down to their level of despair, let them go! Sometimes getting rid of the unwanted makes room for what is needed. New friends, love, laughter, joy and peace.

Say this to yourself and mean it.

“You are hands down, my favorite person.” Unknown

Being your own best friend takes time as it is with everything that matters. Be forgiving, speak softly and lovingly to yourself, encourage yourself, love yourself and work towards looking in the mirror and loving the person staring back at you. Be your own validation and life will get easier.

How to be your own best friend:

“Look in the mirror and give yourself a high-five.

Ask yourself often, “how are you feeling?”

Cry when you need to.

Give yourself a hug.

Forgive yourself for going back to old patterns and behaviors.

Encourage yourself with words you would use to encourage a friend.” Unknown

Good luck and I am on the self-same journey. See you on the other side.

Have an amazing day.

My Passion

I am passionate about injustice of any kind. However, my focus has been justice reform, plain and simple. However, it is not that simple. Righting injustices is a passion of mine but it takes time, energy and writing about it to bring about some changes to the system.

I lost my mom to a horrific crime and she didn’t get the justice she deserved. The person who took her life was an immigrant. Someone she had taken in and treated as another daughter. This person took her life for a few pieces of jewelry and money. The perpetrator got 4 years plus time served! Yes, the uproar was great but there was nothing that anyone could do to right the wrong. Believe me I tried! According to them, it was due to some technicality but let me tell you, murderers and the like have too many rights these days. However, those that no longer have a voice suffer the consequences of an unjust system not that it matters to them anymore but the ones who are left behind to mourn their loss are the ones who have to carry that burden and continue on.

Since then, I have written about her case and other cases that screamed injustice of the highest kind. Most of the cases I’ve written about involved the killing of Black men by law enforcement and the brutal overuse of power where these men are concerned. Some of those posts are on this site but many more are elsewhere on other political forums. I think justice should be color blind but the reality screams otherwise. Speaking out is a must and using the written word to shine the spotlight on such atrocities is a definite must as well.

I think we are becoming jaded to the violence around us. It is escalating and the brutality is hard to comprehend. Take the Sade Robinson case for example. She was a young 19-year-old out on a first date. Evil took her life that night and her body was dismembered and strewn all over the county. Justice was served in her case, the killer is awaiting sentencing after having been found guilty on all counts. Will he get the life sentence? We’ll know soon enough but it won’t bring her back and that is the sad reality. Others have walked with next to nothing for the brutality they unleased on an innocent human being.

If I had it my way, I would lock them up and throw away the keys! However, that is a no go in a society that speaks the murderer’s language and sometimes condones their behavior. Change needs to happen.

Daily writing prompt

What are you passionate about?

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LOL!

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, “I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.” The driver says, “Goodness, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.” Not looking up from her knitting the wife says, “Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?” The wife smiles demurely and says, “Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.”

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glovers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, “Woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut? The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seatbelt sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.” The driver says, “Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.” The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, “Will you please shut up!” The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talks to you this way, Ma’am?” Her reply, “Only when he’s been drinking.”

How many tickets do you think he got after all was said and done?!!

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On their wedding night, a groom asked his new bride, “Honey, am I your first?”

She replies, “Why does everyone ask me that?”

Hmm…..

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A woman was standing nude looking into the bedroom mirror and said to her husband, “I feel fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment.”

He replied, “Your eyesight’s nearly perfect.”

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Have an amazing day filled with laughter and all things nice.

Limiting Beliefs (Archives)

“The only limits that exist are the ones in your own mind.” Unknown

A limiting belief is defined as,”a state of mind or belief about yourself that restricts you in some way. And these beliefs are often false accusations you make about yourself that can cause many negative results. Essentially, they are the lies you tell yourself, and if you allow them to continue, they define you.” http://www.linkedin.com

We all have them and we use them to define who we are as a person and what we are capable of achieving. Most of these beliefs carry negative connotations and they are designed to keep us from moving ahead in life. Here are some of them.

I am not good enough! This one is very familiar at least to yours truly. Quite often, I use this as my mantra to keep me in my rabbit hole. I venture out to take a peek and then I rush back into the hole where I am most comfortable in. If I could I would stay there forever but than again even rabbits come out to play from time to time and to observe life as it passes by. Partake or not, that is up to you. What does, “I’m not good enough,” really mean? It is a mindset that is well-ingrained into your psyche and once it has taken hold, it is next to impossible to get rid off. Perhaps changing the negative to the positive might help. I AM GOOD ENOUGH! Say that often enough and it might just give that not so friendly sod, a heave and a ho and send it packing.

“Limiting Beliefs have one goal…..to keep you from leaving your Comfort Cave so you can’t grow and reach your greatest potential.” Unknown

I don’t have enough time…..this is another crippling lie and it is not true. If you look at the amount of time we waste propped up in front of the TV or sitting hunched over our lap top doing nothing much except to let these two gadgets dictate how we spend our time and nothing more. Truth is, you and I know that we have the time to do better things. We just need to do less of one and more of the things that contribute to our lives and crush those limiting beliefs that keep us from achieving our goals.

The next lie is one that loves to keep you in your place. If only I was taller, prettier, skinnier…..the list goes on and you get the drift. This one is designed to shrink you to 1/2 or a 1/4 of the size you actually are. Each time you repeat and accept this mantra in your head, you see this short, fat and ugly person staring back at you. It is not the reality but one you’ve chosen to accept as your reality. You, no matter what your size, height, weight or looks have just as much to offer this world than the other person. Pat yourself on the back and go conquer the world! I heard a saying once that goes like this. “Walk in like God sent you!”A good one to hold close to your chest and to pull out at those moments when you feel lacking or feeling smaller than you actually are.

Limiting beliefs need constant work. They are not easy to overcome but with time, effort and a conscious effort to defeat them, you’ll find yourself on the other side of the fence, the one that is more positive and forgiving but if nothing helps than perhaps this will.

“Do the uncomfortable. Become comfortable with these acts. Prove to yourself that your limiting beliefs die a quick death if you will simply do what you feel uncomfortable doing.” Darren Rowse

Have an amazing day.

My Favorite Season

It is a tug of war between two seasons. I love spring and fall. These are my two favorite seasons but since you asked for one, I will go with fall.

I love fall because the heat of summer is at its end and the days start getting cooler and walking out in the fields becomes a nicer affair. I love the “changing of the guard” as I call it. The colors are beautiful and the open spaces are painted in gorgeous oranges, gold and reds and it is absolutely mesmerizing.

One can feel nature getting ready to go on a break and the geese or ducks flying south herald a brand new season on the way. It is a time for reflection and for taking a look back at the year which is coming to an end and perhaps making new commitments that would bring better for the next year. It is also a time to step back and to just enjoy the tremendous beauty that nature puts forth in all its glory.

I love fall for all the reasons stated above but I think more than that it is how my soul soars when I view the beauty surrounding me and an assurance from an unseen force that everything has a time and place and it will happen when it happens.

Daily writing prompt

What is your favorite season of year? Why?

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My Sacred Place

It has been almost two weeks since I set foot in my sacred space. My daily walks in nature had come to a screeching halt. The rains along with the gusty winds had moved in and walking was the last thing on my mind.

However, I had missed my forays in nature and today that want was back in full force. I needed the freedom of being out in nature. This feeling of being caged in had to go so I found myself back on the familiar pathway again. It somehow felt different. The rapeseed plants were still there and they had grown a lot taller blocking visibility in every direction. The golden blooms were no longer there and now the plants stood swaying and dancing with the wind. I could feel claustrophobia taking hold. I wasn’t liking this one little bit.

The farmers around here are well-regimented and they’ve got crop-rotation down to a science but for some reason, they’ve let the plant life get out of control this time around. Could it be the rain? Whatever it was, I kept to the graveled pathway and decided to cut my walk short, unrest seeping in. I like open spaces but today I felt fenced in. I don’t know why and that bugged me to no end.

Making my way back I notice that the sun is slowly making a showing but the winds are still in full force. It’s as if nature can’t make up its mind but I know that this too shall pass and summer will come traipsing back in. I just hope that the farmers will get back to work making the fields visible so that my soul can fly again.

Have an amazing day.

The Leopard’s Spots

The definition of “a leopard never changes its spots” is this. “It signifies that people cannot fundamentally alter their character, even if they try. It also implies that innate traits, whether good or bad, remain fixed.”

Have you met one or two along the way? Did you choose to tango with them and in so doing lose a part of yourself? You’re not the only one. They’re out there and like the predator that they are, they’ll feed on you if you let them.

They are the liars, the cheaters and the ones who march to a different drumbeat. Not one of integrity, honesty or decency like people with good behavior traits do, rather they’ve learned they can prey on someone and when they’ve had their fill they’ll move on to the next victim with no consequences whatsoever.

“A leopard never changes his spots….he just changes what tree he sleeps in….or who he sleeps with.” Unknown

Are you hanging on to someone who doesn’t deserve your loyalty? Has he shown you his “spots” but you refuse to see them? Are you hoping that in time he’ll change? Or are you praying that you’ll be the one to change him?

STEP BACK!

Those behavior traits are ingrained in them. Perhaps, they can’t change who they are but you can change how you deal with them.

KNOW THIS:

“No matter how much a snake sheds skin. It’s still a snake.” Unknown

And that applies to the leopard as well. They’ll change their tactics, they’ll change their hunting style, they’ll whisper sweet nothings in your ear, they’ll look you in the eye and make you believe that they’re the next best thing to sliced bread. You can do one better. Walk away before it’s too late and you become another prey in their animal kingdom!

“Something I learned about people…..if they do it once, they’ll do it again.” Unknown

AND

“Rain wets the leopard’s skin but does not wash out the spots.” African Proverb

It’s just a matter of time before those spots reappear and the leopard is ready to pounce again!

A LEOPARD DOES NOT CHANGE ITS SPOTS!

Keep your distance and stay safe.

Have an amazing day.

One Luxury I Can’t Live Without

I didn’t think it was the one item I couldn’t live without but earlier this year it stopped working and I realized how dependent I was on it. I would call it a luxury and it is my car and it takes me from point A to B to C and D!

I don’t ride bicycles like a lot of people around here do. Neither do I take the bus or the train so I am dependent on taxis and or my car. When I need to go into town which is about 15 minutes away from where I live, my car gets me there in record time. I don’t think about it, just get in, get it started and I am on my way. I keep it well-serviced and when there is a problem, I get it fixed.

It is a comfortable ride and I have the air-conditioning going in summer. Most people around here don’t do that because it is all tied in with their perception of what they call environmental issues so riding with someone is not a pleasant experience in summer!

I love my car and it is the one luxury item I can’t live without. Okay, there are others but as with all things I picked the one that I depend on. The others are just icing on the cake!

Daily writing prompt

What’s the one luxury you can’t live without?

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