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Building Confidence (Archives)

“Confidence is not “They will like me,” confidence is I will be fine if they don’t.” Christina Grimmie

You are not born with confidence, it is a process that gets stronger with time and it is also something that is learned and developed over time. However, it is not easy to build confidence especially if the environment you’re in or the challenges you face is working against you.

It’s a skill set which combines the thoughts we think and the actions we take and in order for it to work to your advantage, you have to believe in yourself and your abilities. If you’re constantly putting yourself down, then it goes without saying that your confidence and self-esteem will take a hit.

If you want to develop confidence, you first have to believe in yourself. Then you have to accept yourself as you are, this includes the good, the bad and the ugly parts. Recognize your strengths and weaknesses and get comfortable with both. Now, improve on what you can improve. However, set realistic goals, ones that you can work towards achieving which in turn will boost your confidence.

One important aspect is to surround yourself with positive and supportive people because negative ones will drain your energy and drive you further down that rabbit hole.

“Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye.” Helen Keller

An interesting quote and one that speaks to the heart of the matter. I think it’s 90% how you come across and 10% of the other stuff. If you can fake it by standing up tall, looking people in the eye and making an entrance like, “God sent you!” that’s more than half the battle won right there. Of course, there is a difference between confidence and arrogance. The latter is an overinflated sense of self-importance and “confidence” a healthy belief in yourself. Arrogance leads to outcomes you don’t want especially if you’re trying to build your confidence.

Start by loving yourself flaws and all. So what if you’re not perfect, most of us aren’t. Perfection isn’t everything but building on what you already possess is. A long time ago, I walked into a hall and I saw this stunning girl. She was pure perfection from the top of her head to the very soles of her feet. As I watched her, I realized that she was sorely lacking in one human trait. The smile was missing from her face and she was pure “arrogance” in a stunning package which took away from her attractiveness. So if you’re thinking the “attractive people” have it made, it is not necessarily the truth.

“Every time you catch yourself criticizing yourself, think of something you love about yourself.” Unknown

Confidence is necessary to achieve success. Confident people take risks and push themselves to achieve their goals. Here’s the thing, the more confident you are, the more likely you’re able to attract positive experiences which in turn makes your world a better place. More importantly, confidence helps you to handle failure better because you know that it is an opportunity to learn and grow and not something that is going to destroy your life.

It’s OKAY

To make mistakes.

To have bad days.

To be less than perfect.

To do what’s best for you.

To be yourself. ( Unknown)

Finally, work that confidence! The more you practice and use it, the stronger it gets and smile while you’re doing it!

“Inhale confidence, exhale doubt.” Alex Toussaint

AND

“Just believe in yourself. Even if you don’t, pretend that you do. and at some point, you will.” Venus Williams

Have an amazing day

The Impossible?

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If I had to write a letter to my 100-year-old self, I would say you made it to the impossible! I didn’t think you would make it to such a grand old age and never wanted to but here you are and here goes…..

Dear Self,

First of all, you are looking good in spite of the wrinkles, the bald spot and the toothless grin! The outward appearance doesn’t signify the inside. There is tremendous wisdom within that years of living “life” has instilled. You are no longer afraid and fear has taken a back seat and in its place is a sense of peace, calm and joy. It took a long time getting there but you made it. I see a person who is frail but the frailty is just the appearance and doesn’t speak for the person within.

You lived a life filled with challenges and took each one as it came and mastered it or maybe not mastered it but you did the best you could with it. You never gave up and that my dear 100-year-old self speaks to who you are. You are strong, you are capable and like the tree in the storm you bent when you needed to and you swayed when you needed to but you never broke. If you did break at some point, you put yourself back together again and stood back up stronger and more beautiful than ever. Looking at you I don’t see what age has done to you but I see the beauty within, the strength within and a spirit that refuses to be broken even now.

Here’s to you, may you live a long and peaceful life and if it means another 100 added on than so be it. You can weather whatever comes your way.

Your proud self.

Daily writing prompt

Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.

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Know Your Self-Worth (Archives)

“Recognize your own worth and you won’t be drawn to those who don’t see it.” Doe Zantamata

According to medium.com, “Your value is directly linked to your belief. If you treat yourself like garbage, you’ll never appreciate your potential.”

It’s interesting how many of us walk into relationships expecting the other person to validate us in some way. We look to them to make us feel wanted, to feel loved, to feel that we are worthy and to make us feel special. Basically we hand over our power and energy to that person and wait to get reimbursed. When it doesn’t happen, we find ourselves in a dark place and beat ourselves down to a pulp.

The truth is, self-worth is your sense of self, your values and your belief that you are worthy of care, support and compassion. It basically means you value yourself enough to know the boundaries and limits and what you’ll accept and what you won’t. It is that feeling within you that says you are worthy and deserving of the right kind of love and that there is a balance in the relationship. If you’ve been doing the chasing and you’re the only one investing in the relationship with your time, energy and efforts and you are not getting or getting next to nothing in return, then it’s time to reevaluate and to take a good hard look at your self-worth. How much is it worth?

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” Anna Taylor

If your self-worth is lacking, here are some strategies to improve it from the people in the know. (verywellmind.com)

Do things you enjoy and are good at:

These help to reinforce your strengths and abilities and can make you more confident.

Exercise and challenge yourself:

Physical activity is linked to a greater sense of self-worth. It also helps to recalibrate your mindset and offers both physical and mental benefits.

Challenge negative thoughts:

Thoughts are not facts. Next time you have a negative self-thought, think of an alternative realistic thought to replace it.

Be kind to yourself.

Learn to be assertive.

Start saying “no!” I have to learn this one myself.

Focus on the positive.

It is important to have a healthy sense of self-worth because loving, respecting and valuing yourself starts with you. It is the first step towards gaining the same from others.

“Once you discover your true worth, walking away from where you are not valued will become the easiest hard thing you will ever do.” Unknown

If they don’t see you as valuable then don’t try to convince them. Remember the only person you need validation from is you. You are enough as you are, you are worthy, you deserve respect, your well-being matters and so does your emotional health. Work on your self-worth and you’ll start attracting the right kind of people, the kind who will respect your worth.

“When you realize your self-worth you’ll stop giving people discounts.” Unknown

AND

“Know your worth and then make sure to add tax.” Unknown

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY.

Shopping Spree

I love this place about two villages away from where I live. It is about a 30 minute drive to get there but it is well-worth the time and effort and a fantastic place to shop till you drop or just to window-shop. They call it the shopping mile where the “rich” go to spend their money but not all who shop there are rich or have money to blow.

It is a place where they have everything you need and much much more. I love the ambience. The architecture is interesting and there are shops galore. The street is lined on both sides with cafes, restaurants, shops and street musicians who add a musical touch to the whole scene. A great place to spend a morning, afternoon or the whole day if you wanted to. A castle is nestled close by and it is a calming place to just sit and watch the swans go gliding by on the pond.

I used to go crazy over the clothes but since I am no longer a clothes horse it holds no power over me. However, the weekly markets are the best. Everything comes fresh from the farmers and fruits and vegetables of every kind adorn the tables ready to be whisked away! It is a great place to buy something expensive or just to browse, stop at a street side cafe and enjoy watching the people go by. A meal at one of the restaurants is also a great option. My favorite is an Indian restaurant where they serve a pancake filled with savory potatoes. Heavenly is the word for it.

I don’t spend as much money as I used to so shopping sprees are few and far between but when I do, it is of the mundane variety. Just on food items and of course fruits and veggies are on the priority list.

Daily writing prompt

Where would you go on a shopping spree?

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An Amazing Day!

If you’ve read my posts, I always end with, “Have an amazing day.” I truly mean that sentiment but a friend recently echoed it by saying, I’ll end this conversation with what you always say, “Have an amazing day.” It felt good to hear it from someone else’s lips and it sent joy gushing through my body. However, it also started my thought processes going. No surprise there, I am an overthinker!

What does it mean to have an amazing day? It’s a day free of worries, a day free of something weighing you down like an albatross around your neck, a day filled with sunshine and smiles but most of all I think it is a day where everything is possible and nothing is impossible.

I usually wake up wanting an amazing day in front of me but it doesn’t always work that way. Life steps in and sometimes things go downhill but that is alright too.

“You’re only human. You don’t have to have it together every minute of every day.” Anne Hathaway

I woke up this morning looking forward to a brand new day. A blank slate was staring me in the face and I could write whatever I wanted to on it. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and Chachi, the cat, was purring softly in my ear. I AM GRATEFUL for all that makes up my life, the good, the bad and the ugly. Life is not always just about the good stuff. It would be boring if it was. It is a kaleidoscope of possibilities, new beginnings, letting go of things that have outlived their purpose and of embracing what is to come and the unknown is a part of that equation.

Today will be an “amazing day” and I wish you the same.

“Just in case…..no one has told you today. YOU are amazing! Have a really great day.” Unknown

Stay Calm, Stay Focused (Archives)

Staying calm and focused when your mind tells you otherwise is normal. It is human nature. My mind goes haywire and jumps around like a monkey when I’m stressed or I have to concentrate on what is before me and what needs to get done. Oftentimes I need to take a step back, go within myself to find the strength in silence and to focus on what I need to do to move on. It doesn’t always work but it does work if I stay focused.

“The ability to remain calm and focused on what truly matters is a superpower.” Unknown

Be like the tree that has weathered many storms and is still standing. It takes practice and a certain kind of mindset to weather a storm, any storm. If you’ve never worked a day in your life and the time has come to find a job, to get independent and to stand on your own two feet, you tend to lose focus because the unknown is formidable. However, with each fall you take, you gain the strength and the know how to get back up and to keep moving. Time, focus, calm and lots of practice makes it possible and soon you will be standing like that tree, strong and unshakeable in any storm. Breathe and keep moving. Standing still is never the answer.

“Breathe darling. This is just a chapter. It’s not your whole story.” S. C. Lourie

Stay focused but not on the wrong things. I can’t do this is not one of them. This is way too scary is not one of them. The ‘monster’ is too hard to slay is not one of them. Focus on finding the positive within the negative. Be prepared to put one foot in front of the other but whatever you do, do not take the easy way out or rather the coward’s way out and give up. It is easy to give up but much harder to step into an unknown arena and to win the day. YOU CAN DO THIS!

“Sometimes you need to slow down, remain calm, and simply let life happen. Take a deep breathe and focus on the simple important things: you are alive, you are breathing, you are enough as you are. You got this.” Unknown

Finally, tell the monkey in your brain that keeps dragging you all over the place with no end in sight to take a hike! Breathe, calm yourself down and stay focused on what you need to do to make it. YOU’VE GOT THIS!

Have an amazing day.

Middle Name Significance

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Oh God!! Another one of those questions I think goes deeper than I want to answer. First of all I never paid much attention to my middle name, it is stuck between my first and last name and that’s about it.

It’s there, it has been there and will continue to be, that’s the significance. Do I like it? I couldn’t give a flying flip about it. I never liked my first name but I didn’t have a choice in the matter, it was left up to two people who at the time looked at me with love and decided, we’ll call her TIA! The middle name was of lesser significance so they came up with something imaginative according to them.

Either way, it doesn’t matter. I’m not looking at both with a magnifying glass. I’m happy with both my names, one to a lesser extent than the other, but if I had a chance I would like to have a name that grabs attention. What? I don’t know. Maybe Christine. My sister is called Christine and I used to envy that. Oh well, it’s done and I’m stuck with it.

Daily writing prompt

What is your middle name? Does it carry any special meaning/significance?

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A Proud Mom

“Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.” Nishan Panwar

My son asked me recently, “Mom why do you still worry about me? I’ve been on my own for some time now.”

It’s true. He moved away to finish his studies and has been on his own and managing whatever he needed to do single-handedly.

My answer to that question: “I’ll always worry about you no matter how old you get.”

He is now on the cusp of starting another chapter in his life. Studies are over and his first job is waiting on the horizon. It means moving to wherever the job is and starting out with no safety net beneath him. It also means learning to fly on his own and to take care of whatever comes his way. I know he is fully capable of doing the unknown. He showed us recently just how capable he is. There were days of uncertainty and not knowing which way to go. How to get started when “no job experience” was staring him in the face. Most of all he was afraid of taking that all important step of cutting ties with two people who had always been there for him. Just like the baby bird learning to fly he had to move slowly but move he must. There was no other way.

He got rejections that is part and parcel of the process. Shaking it off like water off a duck’s back wasn’t easy but he did it. Suddenly he got his first job interview. It was nerve-wracking but he handled it well. The job was his if he wanted it! However, it wasn’t what he wanted although it paid well. His reply, “I’m not that type,” meaning the job demanded more than what he was willing to put in. He knew himself well. It was off to another job interview. He made it through with flying colors and was offered a two day trial period. He slayed the dragon! The second and final interview was yesterday. He went there like a lamb to the slaughter only to find that he had landed the job! He has his first job in the bag. Looming on the horizon is another job interview, this one could be the “forever” job. The interview date is set and he will show up for it. It will take him further away and I told myself I couldn’t handle the distance but I know and he knows that we’ve handled much more than distance in our lives. We will somehow handle this too.

The little boy whose hands I held as a young child is getting ready to take life by the horns and he is getting ready to go it alone. Part of me can’t believe this is happening and the other part is learning to let him go, to let him fly, to go where he needs to and to live life to the fullest. I am so proud of him although I still see him as the little boy he was, not this grown-up young man as he is now. I will still be the wind beneath his wings and I will cheer him on from the sidelines as I have done all these years. He knows I am his ally and his staunchest supporter and that will never change but my voice will be quieter now as he learns to listen to his own.

Just one little bit of advice. I’ll pass it on to you as my mom did a long time ago when I was getting ready to fly. She said, “If you fall down, stand back up, dust yourself off and keep on moving.” Words of wisdom that has stood the test of time in my life. Always remember failure is not an option. You are built to succeed and you will, come hell or high water. One more thing, YOU CAN DO THIS!

I wish you well my son, I am so proud of you.

The Last Thing I Learned?

This is a hard one and “my mind” says don’t look in my direction! I can understand that reaction perfectly well. I blame it for a lot of things including my unrest, my anxiety and my inability to move forward at times.

I have a mind that moves faster than I can keep up with. It is off and running to the next debacle sort of like Trump does! It has taken years to tame this “monkey” but I am still not there yet. I am learning to reel it in and it is possible with meditation and my walks in nature. It takes a break from the constant incessant chatting and sits back for a change or goes to sleep when I am in my Zen Zone. I have peace and I feel my senses deflate but NOT for long!

The hardest time to make it heel is right before sleep. Right before bedtime is when it is the chattiest and there is no rhyme or reason as it moves from one topic to the next. Believe me I have tried many methods to calm this unruly beast but I am finding out that laughter helps. Watching something funny or something senseless helps. It seems to love Reality TV. Go figure. Taming my mind is still a learning process and failure is not an option here, I know that I will get it to comply, it is just a matter of time.

Daily writing prompt

What is the last thing you learned?

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Another Day in Paradise

My idea of paradise is open spaces, blue skies, mountains, forests and streams running through the whole shebang! It is beautiful, calming and at the same time mesmerizing.

Today is no different except spring is in the air and there is sunshine everywhere. It’s a great day for a walk and to let the imagination run wild. There is a herd of deer standing still at the top of the hill enjoying the warmth as I’m doing. I watch them and they watch me in return. A shrill squawk attracts my attention and looking skywards, I see a heron in flight. It is majestic as it glides effortlessly through time and space. Two more herons join the symphony in motion and the dance is graceful as they dip and take off again, weightless against an azure blue sky.

A movement down below attracts my attention and two rabbits take off into the bushes and disappear from sight. There is a different energy out here today. Nature is breathing life back into the fields and everything is waking up after a long winter’s sleep, energized and ready to go. The air is crisp but still a little cold. It is exhilariting.

The only problem, there are more people out and about and where once I was the only one paying homage to paradise, it is no longer mine alone. It too is a sign that spring is marching in and staying indoors is for the birds when you have “paradise” just a stone’s throw away!

A beautiful walk nonetheless.