I thought I would be further along in my search for the right person but I keep making the same mistakes over and over again and find myself back where I started from. Time to change some things and to work on attracting the right types.
The Brutal Beating Death of Bakari Henderson
Lest We Forget
Nine men were arrested and charged with the intentional homicide of American tourist, Bakari Henderson on July 2017 on the idyllic Greek island of Zakynthos. It’s been almost a year since the brutal attack and killing of the young American outside a bar on the island and we have yet to see justice prevail in this case. The suspects are a 34-year-old Greek bartender, a 32-year-old British citizen of Serbian origin and seven Serbian men.
Why was Henderson attacked and beaten to death? According to reports, it was because he had taken a selfie with a woman of Serbian descent who had requested the selfie from him. A man nearby was heard saying, “There are a lot of Serbs in the bar, why are you talking to a black guy?” and proceeded to hit Henderson on the side of the head. This set-off the chain of events which led to the young man’s death.
Henderson was 22-years-old at the time and a recent graduate of the University of Arizona. He had big plans for his future and he was in Greece trying to get a new clothing venture off the ground. He was accompanied by some friends and until that fateful night, he had been having fun on the Greek island.
According to his mother, Jill Henderson, in an interview with Gayle King of CBS News, he was, “more comfortable overseas than in the United States. He just felt it was safer over in Europe and overseas in general,” referring to the racial climate against black men in the United States.
It could have been this misconception that cost him his life. After the altercation in the bar, a surveillance footage shows Anderson being chased out of the bar by a group of men, surrounded and then beaten to death. According to Greek police spokesman, Theodore Chronopoulous, “They kicked and punched him to his body and his head. His death came from hits to the head.” Henderson was on his own against the angry mob who pummeled him to the ground and there was nothing anyone could do except to stand and watch the incident take place. After the beating, his friends tried to resuscitate him but he died on the way to hospital.
In the same interview with Gayle King of CBS News, Jill Henderson had this to say about her son’s death. “What parents would raise such barbarians to do such an evil thing to another human thing.?” Perhaps that is the exact question that ran through all of our minds as we read about the beating death of this young man. However, could a more pertinent question be, “Was it racially motivated?” Was he targeted because of his skin color? The woman who approached him for the selfie was of Serbian descent and reports state that she knew the men involved in the attack. Could it have been a set-up right from the beginning? Why did she go up to a total stranger for a selfie and why did she pick Bakari Henderson? These are just unanswered questions that do need answers.
Coming back to the question of race, was Bakari Henderson a walking target because of his skin color? If so, nothing could have prepared him for the “hate” he faced on that July night, a potent force so violent that the end result was the loss of a life. This was certainly not because of one selfie with a stranger.
What animals will do this to another human being? The kind that have no respect for human life. The kind that refuses to see the human beneath the coating of skin color and the kind that decided he deserved to die because of a selfie with a Serbian woman. That is the sad reality folks.
Bakari Henderson was wrong in his assumption that it was safer in Europe than in the United States. The under-current of racism, hate and violence runs deep here just as it does elsewhere and from time to time it rears its ugly head when you least expect it like it did in that bar on the Greek island of Zakynthos.
A life lost but not forgotten.
Update:
Justice was not served in this case. The killers were initially tried on homicide charges in 2018 but none were found guilty of murder, instead they were convicted of lesser assault charges. In 2022, a second trial took place and it lasted nearly three months and here again to no avail. They were found not guilty of intentional homicide in a Greek courtroom. The original convictions of intended fatal bodily harm was upheld. One received a ten-year sentence, four received eight years each and another one received a five-year sentence.
How much is a Black man’s life worth? Would the outcome have been different if the victim had been a White man? What do you think?
A video showed the brutal attack in its entirety and it was perpetrated on an unharmed person. I can only imagine the terror he must have felt on that fateful night. If you ask me, I would have locked them up and thrown away the keys! Or given them the same punishment they meted out on Bakari Henderson. Inhumane? Not really, the animal-like behavior that the killers showed another human being was and still is hard to stomach let alone to see them get away with lesser charges. Unfortunately, we live in a world where “evil” has rights and innocent victims don’t and that is the shameful truth.
Integrity
Integrity, a word that is supposed to be the mainstay of any relationship but these days it is sorely lacking in our society and your ‘word’ is no longer what it used to be. Ethical behavior and principles have been disregarded for individual gain and self-serving self-interests. This lack is eroding all that we stand for including honesty and loyalty. The current downward trend and erosion of something valuable has far-reaching consequences because moral compass is a thing of the past for some and “your word is your bond” is a non-entity as far as others are concerned.
What is integrity?
It is defined as, “the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles that you refuse to change.” In other words, say what you mean, and do what you say.
Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter:
“Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.” C. S. Lewis
“Integrity is not something you show others. It is how you behave behind their back.” Unknown
“Integrity is making sure that the things you say and the things you do are in alignment.” Unknown
“Wisdom is knowing which road is the right one: Integrity is taking it.” Unknown
“When wealth is lost nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost.” Unknown
“If you don’t want anyone to find out, don’t do it.” Chinese Proverb
“You learn a lot about someone by what they choose to do when no one is watching.” Shane Parrish
“People with good intentions make promises but people with good character keep them.” Unknown
A lie is a lie.
A white lie is a lie.
A half truth is a lie.
A hidden truth is a lie.
A lie by omission is a lie.
A lie is a lie.
PERIOD!
You are not born with integrity, it is a learned behavior. It is knowing or getting into the habit of doing the right thing even when it is HARD and inconvenient at times but it is necessary because it gives people the moral and ethical clarity they need to do the right thing at the right time and a person of integrity stands by their word and is considered to be someone you can trust. That says it all.
Have an amazing day.
Christmastime
It’s the most wonderful time of the year.
There’ll be much mistletoeing
And hearts will be glowing
When loved ones are near
It’s the most wonderful time of the year.
That song captures Christmas in a nutshell and it is the most wonderful time of the year, that’s true. It’s a time for lights, glitter, trees decked out in holiday cheer, and the scents and sounds of Christmas. Houses trimmed in lights, Santa and his elves taking centerstage and a time for joy and celebration. However, it is also a time for loneliness to take hold and for some of us a reminder that we are lacking in some aspects.
Memories of Christmases past gnaw at our insides as we miss the people who are no longer there, the ones who put a smile on our faces at Christmases past and there will be a feeling of not being whole and complete without them. It’s the time of year that brings home the fact that YOU are alone when others are gathering to celebrate the festival of cheer. It is a time to give thanks but also for mourning losses.
“Isn’t it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for I don’t know what exactly, but it’s something that you don’t mind so much not having at other times.” Katy L. Basher
I miss the big Christmases when mom and dad were there. The scent of duck roasting along with chestnuts and all the other goodies filling the air with anticipation and carollers trooping into the house shortly before midnight their angelic voices spreading good cheer to all. Later, when I had my own family, I remember the twinkle in my son’s eyes as he eyed the presents under the tree and watched as Christmas slowly began to unfold with good food, joy, grandma and grandpa and his mom and dad gathered around the fireplace. Much, much later, I remember Christmases with my dear friend, the one who passed away, and with my son but sans my ex and his family. Christmas was getting smaller but still a joyful affair. Fast forward to the here and now and it will be just Chachi, the cat, and yours truly this year. I’ve toned down the lights, Santa is in the cellar and won’t be spreading his brand of good cheer at the front door like he does every year and the tree will be missing. It will be a lonely Christmas because my son will be spending it somewhere else. I could have company if I wanted to but I’ve decided to do it alone this year.
I’ve come to the conclusion that Christmas is a feeling that we accentuate with presents, food, decorations, music, family and friends. Some will say it is hyped-up to the extent that we forget what it is really about. It is about the birth of Jesus in a manger a long time ago. He came to give us love, hope and joy and this is worth celebrating. All the rest is just icing on the cake, nothing more, nothing less.
This Christmas I will celebrate that message wholeheartedly because “goodness” is much needed in this world of ours where “bad” often takes top priority. Someone told me yesterday that the bad people are not being held accountable for the evil they put into this world and I agreed with him but that it only seems that way. I told him that I believe that they will pay the price when the time is right. He disagreed but that’s his opinion and that’s alright too.
Coming back to Christmas, if you’re dreading it, it’s time to change that mindset. Be grateful, be thankful and turn “loneliness” into something marvelous. Sometimes being alone is a Godsent. You have YOU and I’ve got my little guy in the fur coat to put good cheer on my face.
We’ll Get Through It!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Have an amazing day.
The Blame Game
It’s easy to blame someone or something for where we’re at in life, isn’t it? We, as humans, tend to look for excuses and reasons as to why we’re at a low point in life. It’s easy to say, “You’re the reason why or this happened and that’s the reason why.”
Perhaps we should turn it around and ask ourselves how much of the blame do we carry ourselves? Sure, there are reasons, excuses and sometimes legit circumstances for looking for somewhere or someone to place the blame on, however, if you’re honest with yourself, much of the responsibility lies on your shoulders and yours alone.
People can trigger certain outcomes but it is how you decide to deal with the situation that defines how you handle it and where you go from here.
“It’s easy to be the victim. It’s easy to point the finger of blame. It’s easy to stay stuck and unhappy.
I don’t do easy.” Bruce Van Horn
I don’t either. I’ve been stuck before and refused to move and I have been totally unhappy but I don’t stay there for long. My mom once told me, “If you fall, dust off and get back on that horse.” It seemed silly at the time but that piece of advice has stood the test of time. Sometimes it takes a while before I get moving again and yes, at times I look for ways to deflect and to put the blame on someone else because that would be the easiest option to the problem at hand but it is also the way to not take responsibility for my part in the situation. Did I let it happen? Did I see it coming and chose not to do something about it? More importantly, how much blame do I give myself for what happened?
The thing is, situations happen, circumstances happen and life happens. Looking for easy options rather than looking for solutions is not going to get you out of where you’re at.
Remember:
“When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself.” Louis Nizer
Why do we blame others?
According to innerbalanceaz.com, it’s because”
It’s easy
It feeds a need for control
It fuels a desire for perfectionism
It keeps them from having to be vulnerable
It protects their ego
It unloads backed-up feelings
Furthermore, “it offers a quick escape from guilt and is effortless when feeling defensive.”
However, if you get good at the blame game, you become so adept at it that it may even feel good in the beginning but it is a losing game in the end. Blaming leads to more blaming, it leads you to feelings of helplessness, it stunts your personal growth because you’ll always be looking for the easy way out and you form unhealthy relationships because blaming triggers mistrust and judgment which in turn pushes people away.
Taking responsibility is hard and we don’t do ‘hard’ too well, do we? Guess what? Hard is needed to turn that ‘point finger’ inwards and to take some of the blame yourself. It is also needed to get you to where you want to go in life and easy is not going to cut it. The next time you take aim at someone to place the blame on them, look at yourself and then go from there.
“It’s easy to blame everyone and everything for our failures and lack of success isn’t it…that means we don’t have to do anything to change….
Blaming gets you off the hook…..but it will never get you the life you dream of.”
ONLY RESPONSIBILITY WILL DO THAT.
TAKE THAT RESPONSIBILITY.
Have an amazing day.
Toxic People
We’ve met them, had to deal with them and been in relationships with them. I’m talking about toxic people. We’ve suffered the consequences but still carried on hoping that change would come. It never does. The outcome is always the same. It is often accompanied by pain and confusion. I’ve come to the conclusion that there is little you can do to change a ‘toxic’ person but you can protect yourself.
In order to deal with a toxic person you need to know their modus operandi or rather how they operate in their world. According to The Mind Journal, there are six types of toxic people.
THE NARCISSIST
Only cares about themselves
Lacks empathy
Truly believes they are better than everyone around them.
THE CONTROLLER
Tries to control everything around them.
Needs to be in charge of every decision.
Makes you feel like you can’t do anything right.
THE DRAMA MAGNET
Feeds off of gossip and drama
Drama seems to ‘follow them’ (they create it).
Puts you in uncomfortable positions.
THE ENERGY VAMPIRE
Drains you of energy, overwhelms you.
Creates problems and feeds on the negativity.
Criticizes and bullies you.
THE COMPULSIVE LIAR
Tells white lies constantly.
Manipulates and gaslights you.
Master of guilt trips.
THE GREEN EYED
Cannot be happy for other people’s good fortune.
Plays the victim
Minimizes other people to feel better about themselves.
These people often bring conflict, negativity and confusion not to mention pain into your life. Dealing with them is like walking on a minefield not suspecting anything would go wrong but eventually it does because they are wired a certain way. They are manipulative, oftentimes abusive and they will find ways to justify their behavior. Remorse never crosses their mind and taking accountability for their actions is a never never thing. They usually take without giving back.
“Just remember, we are all toxic. Every single human being is capable of being toxic, has been, currently is at times.
But some people have the desire to be educated on it and do better while others will ignore any accountability and continue to act the same way.”
Pay Attention
It is not clear why we keep doing circles around toxic people? Perhaps it has something to do with stupidity and the definition of stupid goes like this.
“Knowing the truth, seeing the truth, but still believing the lies.” Unknown
Toxic people for all their flaws can be magnetic. They tend to pull you in and make you want to stay for awhile and if love is involved, it brings a whole new dimension with it.
“Love is 50% stupid and 50% brilliant. The challenge is figuring out which part of it you’re experiencing at any given moment.” Unknown
Once you’ve figured out that you’ve hitched your yoke to a toxic person and don’t know what to do, the following quote might just help.
You don’t ever have to feel guilty about Removing Toxic People From Your Life.
“It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance, you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and “continues” to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.” Unknown
Painful but short and sweet and perhaps this is the only language that ‘toxic’ people understand. Unfortunately.
Have an amazing day.
STOP!
It’s Time To STOP
Letting others decide your worth.
Forcing unhealthy connections.
Trying to ‘fix’ other people.
Dismissing your own feelings.
Thinking it’s too late to start.
Dwelling on past mistakes.
Overanalyzing everything you do. (WiseLivn)
Couldn’t have said it better myself. Time to put those items into practice. The hardest will be the last one. I do overanalyze everything to the point that I start out with something small and by the time I finish with it, it has been blown to gigantic proportions.
Note to Self: STOP DOING THAT!
Have an amazing day.
MOVE!
Movement is needed in all aspects of our lives. Digging in your heels and staying put never works. It might for a short time but never in the long run. When life shows us its idiosyncrasies, human nature is quick to respond and oftentimes we respond by digging in our heels and thumping our nose at it. The problem is the more you dig in your heels, the bleaker life feels, that’s because:
“If we were meant to stay in one place, we’d have roots instead of feet.” Rachel Wolchin
What is the true meaning of life? Many have tried to find a definition but no one knows for sure. One thing is for sure and that is LIFE HAPPENS. It doesn’t stand still and it moves faster than we want it to at times.
“Once a wise man was asked, ‘What’s the meaning of life?’ He replied, ‘Life itself has no meaning. Life is an opportunity to create meaning.’
However, to create meaning out of something that is handed to you and you don’t want to face head on is hard, very hard. First thought that comes to mind when I’m faced with ‘hard’ is, I am going to dig in my heels and ignore it for all its worth. Life, on the other hand, is not going to take no for an answer. Adapt or stay where you are and deal with the consequences of your non-action and that, my friend, could be worse than what it throws your way. If you want to have the upper hand, you’ve got to MOVE!
John Wooden says,
“If we fail to adapt, we fail to move forward.”
Isn’t that the absolute truth? In order to accept and move on, you first have to change your mindset and make a conscious effort to move on. Where? There are no clear-cut answers and that is the scary part. It seems the outcome is all up to you. Putting one foot in front of the other is needed and taking small steps is needed too. Staring at the four walls in front of you and howling at the moon is not going to do it. You need to MOVE!
You need to take what is handed to you, sieve through the pieces and make sense out of it. Say, I can do this and go do whatever it is that needs to be done and do it. This move is not for the weak of heart. It takes courage and unrelenting strength plus trust that it will all turn out well in the end. Sometimes all it takes to climb that insurmountable mountain is attitude. A positive attitude combined with never giving up will get you to the top of the mountain and beyond. MOVE!
Albert Einstein once said:
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”
I like this one better.
“Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.” Charles M. Schulz
Always remember, you can’t start the next chapter of your life, if you choose to stay in one place and refuse to MOVE! Don’t let life pass you by. Keeping up is what it is all about.
MOVE!
Have an amazing day.
Press Reset
“Don’t forget power in resetting, on any given day…you are allowed to start over, if you feel like you’re going down the wrong path, RESET.” Reyna Biddy
When the sun goes down and you find yourself staring at another day ending and you realize that progress is not being made, hit the “RESET” button. You are not stuck even though it might feel that way at times but you have the power to change whatever it is you want to change in your life. You need the mindset, know what it is you’re after, hit “reset” meaning clear the slate and start over again. .
It is not that simple I know. In fact, it might be one of the hardest things you’ll have to do because changing your mindset is not easy and it is not simple either. Old habits die hard and sometimes they are hard to give up because there is comfort in hanging on to things that feel comfortable even if in reality they are not. Laziness, putting out the least effort possible and waiting for the world to reward you for nothing in particular is not going to work and it has never worked.
“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” C. S. Lewis
It takes YOU to change your place in the world. Where you stand, how high or low you are in the grand scheme of things all depends on you but one thing is clear, progress needs hard work. It means falling down a few more times than you wanted to but always keeping your eyes on the prize. If you want that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you’ve got to go after it. It is human nature to want to make life simple but it has other plans for us. Life is about learning from your mistakes, saying “no” to easy and knowing that you’ve got to throw yourself into “hard” to make it happen. Falling down is part and parcel of this thing called life but standing back up and moving forward gives you another chance, another opportunity to reach your end goal. You need to be better and you need to set yourself apart from the ordinary to make it. Sparkles and sunshine sounds good but it is going to take grit and determination to get you there.
Hitting “reset” and doing the same old things over and over again is not going to do it either. You need to “refocus” to get things going again. If something is not working, focus on what it is and change it. Try different angles and attitudes and at some point you’ll get it right, at least I hope I will at some point in time. Until then, I’ll hit “reset” as many times as I need to and I’ll tell the “victim mentality” I carry around with me which keeps me from achieving my goals to hit the door as well!
So if you’re standing where I have been many many times before and watching the sun set on another fruitless day, hit “RESET.” Tomorrow is on its way, it’s a new day to work your magic on a blank slate and to have your name written there as a success story. It’s all up to you.
Reset, refocus, readjust, restart, as many times as you need to. JUST NEVER GIVE UP!” Unknown
Have an amazing day.
Shaking Things Up!
Monotony is up in the air today and perhaps out the door. I’ve decided to shake things up! I’m going from the normal routine of taking a walk in the fields and keeping company with just the wildlife and nature to moving it to the city for a change.
Chachi, the cat, knows something is up and keeps looking at me suspiciously. He knows that his mom is up to something but he doesn’t know what it is yet. Does he care? Not one little bit. He is back to his normal routine of taking his place by the window seat and watching his kind of TV from the kitchen window. He is relishing life as it was meant to be in his world, relishing it from a cat’s point of view that is.
I usually meet a girlfriend for breakfast at our favorite cafe but she is away visiting family and instead of staying home, I decided to go it alone. I am not someone who loves hanging out at cafes or bars so this was going to be a very different experience.
The small but tastefully furnished cafe is all lit up with Christmas lights and there is a cozy atmosphere about it which is right up my alley. It’s a small Italian-style place which serves Italian ice specialties in summer but when the weather turns and gets colder, they revert to an indoor place serving the best coffee in town and breakfast to boot. It is the perfect place to meet up with friends but for today it is serving as my place to break new ground.
The young Italian men running the place are more than welcoming. They’ve seen me here many times before but never alone. I’ve always had someone by my side. Today, it was different. It was cozy as usual, only today it had a warmth that was hard to describe. Just a lovely feeling of being at home. I spotted the cakes lined up in the glass case, Tiramisu and Black Forest cake but no cheesecake! Never mind because that was waiting for me at the bakery across the walkway.
I took my seat at the window which was perfect for people watching as well. I ordered my usual cup of coffee, two scrambled eggs, bacon, some salad and a bread roll. Looking out the window I could see that it was cold and add the wind to it and it was not a comforting day at all. The people were bundled up and battling the wind and the cold, their faces red as their breath streamed out like dragon’s fire! I was glad I was indoors.
The promenade was lit up with lights galore and a Christmas tree all decked out took its place of honor. Suddenly, more people started coming in and it started getting noisy. I couldn’t let my thoughts run rampant anymore and to take me to where I wanted to go, just nowhere special. Looking across the room, I spotted a guy looking my way. I had seen him there last week. This time he smiled and I smiled back, just being friendly. Then he gave a slight wave and I waved back. An invitation of sorts? I wasn’t staying to find out. Men are out of the picture for now as far as I am concerned!
I left the cafe feeling full of energy and something else. Not sure what it was but it felt good for a change. A slight drizzle was starting but it was not going to dampen my spirit. I headed to the bakery to pick up my daily dose of cheesecake. The lady had a big grin on her face as she said, “One whole cheesecake?”
Me sheepishly: “Yes, please.”
It is a foregone conclusion that I have no willpower when it comes to cheesecake! Heading home, I decided, it was time for a walk as well. Why not go all the way, right?
The fields were covered in fog and there was nothing moving out there. Even the crows had taken refuge and nothing, absolutely NOTHING was at play today. Suddenly, I spotted the lone heron standing dead-center on the path I was on. Its underbelly gleamed white as it stood there motionless, again statue-like as I kept approaching. My heart caught in my throat. Perhaps I will get to touch it today but just as that thought crossed my mind, it took off into the air and to a place unknown.
Making my way back, the wind was relentless as it whipped my long hair around. It was showing no mercy today. Wishing I had piled it on my head and fastened it with a clip as I usually do but there was no chance of that now. So I let the wind have its way and walked home thinking it is going to take extra brushing to get the tangles out. Then I saw the big puddle of muddy water and my eyes lit up and skipped a beat. Seeing no one around, I jumped in gleefully and it joined in deliriously. That, folks, was a perfect ending to just half a day of shaking things up. My idea of it anyway. I came home looking like a wet rat with my boots and jeans splashed with mud BUT with a huge grin on my face! The rest of the day will be tame if not downright boring! Who knows and I’m in a rebellious mood so will see what comes up next. I might just decide to go jump in the duck puddles as I used to as a young girl!!
Have an amazing day.
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