I think it is those days when I was young and running wild as the proverbial tomboy in the woods behind my home. It was a time of freedom and not caring for the norms that life or society stipulates on how you should be. No rules, no regulations and no listening to that inner voice, just letting go and living life as it was meant to be.
Those days are gone but if I had a chance to go back there again, I would! Some days the rebellion sets in and I still jump in duck puddles when no one is looking but it is few and far between. I am all prim and proper now but don’t let that fool you, there is that little “wild child” still inside of me. Some days I revisit those days and it still brings a smile to my face. Good memories of days gone by but still precious and they live on in the grown-up me.
Mom, if you’re listening, I am more like you wanted me to be, more of a “lady” but I can tell you, it is NOT that much fun!
Update: The Cheesecake Fetish is all but out the door! I’ve toned it down to once a week and small bites at a time. No fun? Exactly but I had to do something before the cheesecake monster took a hold of me and took me to places I didn’t want to go! The guy is gone and so is the constant presence of cheesecake in the fridge. So things are looking up and I hope that I’ve got the cheesecake dilemma or rather “fetish” where it belongs!
One of my resolutions for this year is to cut out the “Cheesecake Fetish” altogether! If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it is this all-consuming lust for cheesecake!
This particular fetish started last year and since then it has taken on a gigantic personality. I never used to be a person who needed a “fix” of something sweet or of anything else for that matter. Somehow I got on the cheesecake train and have refused to get off.
To make matters worse and as life would have it, I met someone who offered me a slice of the best cheesecake in town and I was hooked. I wasn’t hooked on the guy but on what he had to offer. This love fest took off to new heights when every time he went to play tennis, he would bring me a whole cheesecake from the store close to the tennis club. How convenient? What’s that saying? “The way to someone’s heart is through their stomach.” He basically took it to heart and I had my never-ending supply of cheesecake of the very best kind.
The problem. Ever heard of cheesecake taunting? Neither have I but every time I walked past the refrigerator, I would hear it knocking and calling out my name! It got to the point where I would just open the fridge, stand there in its all-encompassing presence and bathe in its scrumptiousness. I was able to ration it to one slice a day and so it has been until I realized that thoughts of “cheesecake” accompanied me on my walks!
It was time to hit the brakes. Willpower needs to take a stand and show this bad behavior the door! This year I’m going to have one slice per week, no ifs or buts about it. It will be my reward for working on myself. I don’t care how loud it cries from behind the refrigerator door and begs me to take a bite, I WILL turn a deaf ear and sip on mundane coffee to stave off the craving.
Hard is not the word for it, but I’ve got to start somewhere before that “craving” takes over my life! What about the fixer? Well, I’ve put him on notice not before seeing the disbelief go flitting past his face but I’m sure he’ll find new ways of getting through to the heart that has locks, chains and a moat surrounding it! If there’s a will, there’s a way as they say.
It’s time for coffee and I swear I can hear the half- finished cheesecake screaming my name but nope not today. It’s time to put on my shoes and do 30 minutes of HIIT training! Willpower do your thing! Yes, WE CAN do this!
It’s the last walk for this year. The weather has kept me away for the last week or so. There has been lots of fog and add the constant fine rain or drizzle as some may call it and you’ve got weather that is neither fit for man nor beast to venture out in.
Today, there is no sun and the same thick fog is playing havoc with visibility but now we have to contend with frost as well. Looking out of the kitchen window this morning I noticed that the rooftops are dressed in white making it look spooky in the dawning light.
I’m dressed for the weather. I’ve got my Down jacket on, gloves on my hands, a scarf around my neck but decided against a hat since I just washed my hair last night and winter caps do not do justice when it comes to long hair! Vain? You can say that.
The fields are shrouded in pea soup thick fog and it is cold, much colder than it has been. However, the trees are frosted and that right there is my belated Christmas present from Mother Nature! They look like they’re straight out of a picture postcard and gorgeous doesn’t even begin to describe it!
It was quiet as I walked, my hands shoved into my jacket as I took in the view before me. Nothing was moving except for a few crows picking at the frozen ground for whatever they could find and as I passed them they let out a loud caw in unison. They are loud creatures and not to my liking but they are a part of the fields and there are plenty of them here.
The herons seem to have taken refuge from the cold and that’s sad because my heart soars whenever I see them. I have a soft spot for them or perhaps for the luck they might bring. Out of nowhere, I spot three deer in the field. Suddenly, one of them runs towards me and my breath catches in my throat because that has never happened before. Just as suddenly, it stops and watches me as I make a loud clicking noise with my tongue more out of fear than anything else. It was enough to scare it away and they turned and ran off in the opposite direction.
The rest of the walk was calm and peaceful as usual. I can hardly believe that the year is almost over. We’ve almost gone through 365 days in a blink of an eye or so it seems. They say time flies when you’re having fun but that hasn’t been the case as far as I am concerned so why is time flying like it has wings? Could it have to do with getting older? Hmm….maybe but whatever it is, the new year is waiting in the wings and good or bad, it will be here soon.
Take care fields and I’ll see you in the New Year.
In my opinion, relationships are hard. There are ups and downs and sometimes they don’t contribute to your well-being. I find it hard navigating through relationships and at times I’ve had to let some go because it didn’t serve me and my needs.
One relationship that has had a positive impact on me is the one I have with Chachi, the cat. This little guy is a handful and a macho at times but if there is a “perfect” relationship then this is it. It is one where I do the talking and he listens. Not always but that adoring look does go straight to the heart. What he is really thinking that is another story altogether! We know our boundaries and as long as that is respected all is well in this household. It is a sort of give and take but what I get from him is hard to explain. It is comfort, warmth and definitely love as Chachi sees fit and that too is part and parcel of this relationship. Not always a win-win situation but I’ll take it. I am more relaxed in his presence and less stressed and that has made a positive impact on my life.
“As we look to the new year, hold on to what is Good. Let go of what is bad. It really is that simple.” Mandy Hale
As the year draws to a close, I realize that it has been a year of ups and downs as it has been every year but this year, I had some major ups and some lows. Looking back at the year, I see many things, both good and bad.
I had a major health scare this year. It came as a surprise because I’ve always taken care of myself, eating right, working out, and doing what is necessary to reduce stress but still, it found me. Numerous tests were scheduled, frightening ones with machines that held my future in their hands! It was stressful and waiting for the results to come in was nerve-racking but the end result was that I was fine but I would have to go in next year and have a routine check just to make sure all is well. I can live with that.
The major “high” was the publication of my children’s book, “The ExcellentAdventures of Honey and Hubie. I didn’t expect much but I was on a high for weeks on end when it first came out. Good reviews kept coming in and then a bad one, well, I consider it a bad one and I came tumbling back to earth with a thud. Still, it wasn’t all that bad. The book was given high praise by parents, educators and reviewers and it seems to be doing fine. That was and is a major high.
Working on myself was an uphill battle. Some days I did well and others, I was back to square one! It meant that I had to pick myself back up and keep on moving forward. I did learn a lot about myself along the way and I’m going to put it to good use next year. There is still much to do and I plan to keep on doing both the positive and getting rid of the negative stuff to get me on the way up that mountain! Still foggy up there and I don’t see much from here but I know that all will be made clear in time.
I’ve had to say goodbye to things that don’t serve me. It was hard to do because I like holding on to the past and to relationships that are not good for me. It took courage and strength to say, “It is over” and to move on. Friendships were next. Fake ones saw the door and the genuine ones, well, I kept them close. You don’t need many friends, just a few who really mean what they say and are willing to stand by you when times are tough. I found out that there are not many of them but that’s alright.
Another high was that my son got his dream job or rather his forever job. He got the good news shortly before Christmas and I think he’ll start early next year. It’ll be 6 months probation time and then he’ll know if he has it in his pocket but more than that, I hope he enjoys it! As a proud single mom, I see that all those years of being there for him, motivating him, and helping him on his way has paid off. I hope so anyway. It was a hard uphill journey.
That was my year in recap folks. It was an extraordinary year and as it comes to a close, I hope the next one won’t have too many surprises. If it’s good, bring it on. I can do without the other stuff. Anyway, 2026 will be a blank slate and I HOPE only good things will be put on there. Wishful thinking? You guessed right but fingers crossed as I look forward to a brand new year coming up.
“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” Oprah Winfrey
I saw this online and it had been laughing out loud! The problem is we are all on the selfsame journey, just a matter of time. LORD HAVE MERCY!
The Senility Prayer
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I’m older (but refuse to grow up) here’s what I’ve discovered…
ONE – I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
TWO – My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
THREE – I finally got my head together now my body is falling apart.
FOUR – Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.
FIVE – All reports are in, life is now officially unfair.
SIX – If all is not lost, where is it?
SEVEN – It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
EIGHT – Some days you are the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
NINE – I wish the buck stopped here, I sure could use a few.
TEN – Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
ELEVEN – Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
TWELVE – It’s hard to make a come back when you haven’t been anywhere.
THIRTEEN – The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.
FOURTEEN – If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
FIFTEEN – When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
SIXTEEN – It’s not hard to meet expenses…they’re everywhere.
SEVENTEEN – The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
EIGHTEEN – These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter…I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.
NINETEEN – I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU BEFORE OR NOT!!!
It would have bright colors, something eye-catching as the logo. Add, Chachi, the cat as the mascot and you’ve got a winning team. The cry would be, “Fast, Furious and Fight! Fight! Fight! ”
The little cutie is a macho in disguise! Any sports team would be proud to have him as their mascot. He looks like a little lion at times and with his cross-legged stance, he draws you in like a magnet!
Daily writing prompt
If you started a sports team, what would the colors and mascot be?
Who am I? Sounds simple enough but this is a hard one to answer. It encompasses all of you, the big picture so to speak. Who you are, what you stand for, what shaped you and the experiences that have made you, the “YOU” of today are all part and parcel of this concept. Understanding yourself is vital to how you interact with the world around you. There is only one YOU, and your identity is unique. It is made up of your values, your beliefs, your relationships and your experiences and that in a nutshell is who you are as a person.
However, interacting with the world around you is not always an easy thing to do. It is much bigger than you are and sometimes downright scary. Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter and might even help with where you are in the grand scheme of things as far as your world is concerned.
“Focus on the step in front of you, not the whole staircase.” Unknown
One step at a time if you want to get somewhere and looking at that whole journey might just be a tad too overwhelming to say the least. Do it slowly and carefully and you’ll get there when the time is right.
“Once you learn how to be happy, you won’t tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less.” Unknown
Absolutely worth taking a note of. How often do we hang around people who make us feel less than we are? It is time to clean house and start afresh with people worthy of your company.
“The problem isn’t that your friends aren’t showing up for you…
The problem is that you’re still calling them friends.” Unknown
“You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with.
Choose carefully” Unknown
How true? Choose your friends carefully and the rest will fall into place.
“If you ever find yourself in the wrong story,
LEAVE.” Mo Willems
If something is not working and it becomes a struggle, change your strategy. You are not stuck where you are, there is always a way out to start anew. You just need to have the courage to say “I can do this” and move on.
“She wanted something else, something different, something more, passion and romance, perhaps, or maybe quiet conversations in candlelit rooms, or perhaps something as simple as not being second.” Nicholas Sparks
There you have it. Stop being the option and start being the priority. Stop choosing people who do not choose you.
Understand this….
“You can sound confident and have anxiety. You can look healthy but feel like shit. You can look happy and be miserable inside. You can be good looking and feel ugly. So be kind, because every person is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” Unknown
Kindness matters so JUST BE KIND!
“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
This actually speaks to the whole concept of who you are. What you do eventually becomes your character. Choose wisely and do the right thing.
“Learn to be done with people, not mad, not bothered but just done.” Unknown
This is hard for someone like me. It takes a lot to say I am done but I am learning. Sometimes it is a matter of survival the choices you make. Choose wisely.
“In the end, she became more than what she expected. She became the journey, and like all journeys, she did not end. She simply changed directions and kept going.” Unknown
This last one is poignant. I have been on a journey of self-discovery and self-development for quite a while now. I am learning to give up what does not serve me, to change directions and to move towards what does. Not always easy I know but this is where self-awareness and self-worth comes in to guide you and to make it just a little less scarier than it is.
Let It Be. How many times have we heard this phrase? I don’t know about you but I’ve heard it often enough mostly from well-meaning friends, people who care and those who want better for me.
Did it sink in? NOT when I was in the midst of what I call my “end of the world” meltdowns. During those times, “let it be” was the last thing on my mind. However, when you look at these three words, it does hold power behind its seemingly gentle facade. The strength lies in its ability to slow things down, to step back and to take a good hard look at the situation and to say, there is nothing left for me to do so breathe and LET IT BE. Three unassuming words but a powerhouse when it comes to comfort, acceptance and a message of hope.
I want revenge! I want my old friend “karma” to step in and do what I can’t do! I want payback! Unfortunately, revenge is a dangerous option and karma, well it takes its time and that is the problem. Payback? It doesn’t happen automatically. So what do you do while you wait for whatever it is that you’re waiting for to take place? Breathe quietly and LET IT BE.
There is comfort in knowing that you don’t have to do anything. Wipe away the tears, tone down the rhetoric and just LET IT BE.
Acceptance, well this is much more difficult. Accepting means you are ready to let go of an event or situation that has caused so much turmoil. How do you calm this beast down? Breathe deeply and LET IT BE.
Hope is a four letter word that holds power within its unassuming persona. When you zoom into this optimistic state of mind, all things are possible is the message. Armed with comfort, acceptance and hope, I’m going to breathe and LET IT BE, if only for today. Tomorrow is another story!
I wrote this post sometime last year but things haven’t changed much. The only difference is that I’ve stopped dating altogether and keeping company with Chachi, the cat. He’s the main man now but that doesn’t mean that I’ve given up altogether. I’m learning what works and what doesn’t and believe it or not, I’m stronger. The problem is the more I find out about myself, the more I realize that NO ONE is going to be good enough! It comes with the territory. Know yourself and what you will settle for but at the same time be prepared to learn that what you’re looking for doesn’t exist! Or it’s a 100 in a million but that in itself says that there is still a chance. Fingers crossed!
Photo by Download a pic Donate a buck! ^ on Pexels.com
Why do we keep repeating the same mistakes when it comes to relationships? Why do we gravitate to the same types of people?
These are the questions I ask myself over and over again. It seems that I am drawn to the same types I left behind. It’s been a never-ending cycle and it seems like Groundhog’s Day over and over again to the point that it is horrific and mind-boggling to say the least.
Liars, cheaters and emotionally-unavailable men seem to draw me in like they’re magnetized and I have no willpower when it comes to these types. I walk in gladly like a lamb to the slaughter.
There is a reason so say the experts. They say “opposites attract” and “we are drawn to people who are strong in areas we are weak.” Hmm….there is more to this concept according to them. Two people who have an abusive past will be attracted to each other because they are viewed as equals. However, an abuser is not necessarily attracted to another abuser. He’s attracted to an “abusee” – or someone who will tolerate and enable his abuse. So to make it short and to the point, the “abusee” is familiar with abuse, be it physical, sexual or emotional abuse and so she is attracted to someone who gives her what she’s already comfortable with it.”
LORD HAVE MERCY!
Is there no way out of this pattern? There is, but first you need to know that:
“Simplicity and Complexity need each other.” Unknown
However, there is a way out but not an easy one. You have to work at it with a narrow-minded focus.
Here goes. If you want to attract better, you must be better meaning you need to discard what is within you, the cause for your need to be abused. Find out where it stems from. Your childhood? Adulthood? The experts say look for patterns and don’t sweep what you find under the rug. The only way to learn from it, get past it, is to go through it. Otherwise, you’re doomed to repeat and attract the same types only in a different body!
This is exactly what I’m trying to avoid. As I have said in one of my other post, I am like a heat-seeking missile when it comes to the types I mentioned above. I find them!
Here are some tips from beyourownbrandofsexy.com on how to attract quality or high-value men. First, know yourself well and know what you need in a relationship and what matters to you.
Identify your Needs
Know what works and won’t work for you. Be selective and be ready to discard if something shows up as a red flag. “Loving the wrong person teaches you the red flags to watch out for the next time around.”
Don’t Settle
This is important. We tend to settle when we know that the person is the wrong type only because we tell ourselves that he will change or I can make him change. They don’t change, what they show you is what you get. So how do you stop attracting narcissists and the wrong men? DO NOT let them get close to you. Know what your non-negotiable dealbreakers are and stick to them.
Be your Own Person
This means be your own true authentic self. Say “no” to bad matches. Become your true, authentic self which helps you to gravitate to people who are better matches for you.
Be Persistent
If you want to end up in a solid relationship, persistence pays. This doesn’t mean being persistent in chasing the wrong types but staying true and waiting for the right one to show up. Dating is a learning experience and unfortunately, you’ll have rejections, bad dates and disappointments AND you’ll have to kiss some frogs but if you keep at it and know what you want, you might just land the man of your dreams.
While you’re working on that, take care of yourself as well. No point letting yourself go because that is not going to do it. Lose some weight if you have to, get fit both mentally and physically, take care of your skin and teeth because one guy did ask me to show him my teeth on our first date! They’re out there. Just know that physical appearance matters so present the best version of yourself.
Now, I have to go figure out the patterns in my life which make me attract the same types over and over again. That’s the cycle I need to break! I definitely want to break this cycle of attracting low-value men and having to kiss frogs and hoping that they’ll turn into Prince Charming. Time to get working to put my best self forward armed with the knowledge of exactly what I’ll settle for.
I swear if this doesn’t work I’m giving up altogether!
Site Title 