God was just about done creating humans. He was feeling pretty satisfied with his work, but he had two parts left over.
He couldn’t decide how to split them between Adam and Eve, so he thought he might just as well ask them.
“I’ve got two things for you, but you’ll have to decide who gets what. The first thing is the ability to pee standing up….”
Adam interrupted, “Oh please give that to me! I’d love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing men should have. Please! Give it to me Pleeease!”
On and on he went like an excited little boy, bouncing up and down. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it. So God gave Adam the ability to pee standing up.
Adam was so excited that he just started whizzing all over the place – first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name on the sand, and then he ‘did the helicopter’ with his thing.
“Look Eve, I’m a sprinkler!”
God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, “Well, I guess you’re kind of stuck with the last thing I have left.”
Eve asked, “What’s that?”
God said, “BRAINS.”
Ladies be happy we didn’t get that thing and how do you do a helicopter anyway?!!
If there is one positive change I have made in my life then it is that I don’t let outside events control how I react to things. It used to be that if something didn’t go my way or if something turned out bad or if a relationship didn’t work out for whatever the reason, I would play it around in my head until it became a monster problem and it was able to wreck my days for weeks on end.
Those days are over with. These days I look at the problem and come with workable solutions. It may take days before I get a handle on it but I don’t let it, whatever it is, get the better of me. I am at a point where I am getting clarity as to what I want and what doesn’t work for me. I am also taking the attitude that if something doesn’t work, it is alright. There will be other opportunities to make it better and this attitude is working in my favor. Gone are the days of taking everything and shredding it to pieces and looking for the answers within that scope. My thinking has evolved and I am much stronger but I also realize that things will always happen, it is life, but I don’t have to take it for a ride each time it happens. I am calmer, more at peace and there is a sense of achievement there.
Daily writing prompt
Describe one positive change you have made in your life.
Here are two more jokes to tickle your funny bone. I think they are funny but you may think otherwise.
A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner. He asks his son, “Son, where were you today during school hours?”
Son: “At school.”
The robot slaps the son. “Okay, I went to the movies!” The fathers asks, “Which one?”
Son: “Harry Potter.”
The robot slaps the son again. “Okay, I was watching porn!” The father replies, “What?” When I was your age I didn’t even know what porn was!” The robot slaps the father. The mom chimes in, “Haha! After all, he is your son!” The robot slaps the mother.
A man is driving down the road. A woman is driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, “PIG!” The man immediately leans out his window and yells, “BITCH!” They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next curve, he crashes into a huge PIG in the middle of the road.
I think anything is fun if you enjoy doing it. I love walking and I walk almost everyday and what makes it fun is that I am surrounded by nature which is an added bonus. I am not only getting fit but I find peace and calm while I’m doing it.
Yoga is another go to method of getting fit. I can do this beautiful fitness routine in the privacy of my home and that makes it fun. Chachi, the cat, joins me most days and sometimes doing the Downward Dog pose gets challenging with him running in and out and some days I burst out laughing and we wind up cuddling. I think that was his goal all along. 😉
Cardio and weight training is a must. I say a “must” because in my mind it is. I am a fitness fanatic and I workout seven days a week. I’ve been told to back off and take a break but it goes in one ear and out the other. Workouts keep me energized and those cheesecakes I keep talking about don’t have a chance of adding a pound or two meaning I am where I should be weight-wise but it takes effort and focus to keep it going day in and day out.
I love working out so whatever I do to keep fit is fun and I don’t need props or anything else to make it fun. However, I love having Little Chachi as my trainer or rather he thinks he is. Some days he sits on the bed and watches me and when there is a break, I reach over and plant kisses on his forehead and that is his reward for staying out of my way. He loves it and it makes working out fun.
It has been three weeks since the two moved in. They are Shiro and Gallahad, my son’s two cats. I agreed to take care of them while he’s away starting a new career and his new temporary apartment doesn’t allow pets. It was an excruciating decision on his part to let go of them for a short while.
Shiro is a little princess and a spoiled little brat. She likes things her way. However, she loves litter boxes. Every time I clean the litter box and walk away, she moves in. I mean she jumps in and stays there! It could be the Aloe Vera scented deo that I add to the litter box that makes it smell like pure heaven to her but the little princess turns into a tramp and doesn’t mind spending time in the gutter! Gallahad is the quiet guy. He looks wise with his orange eyes but he’s all about the food. The minute he hears me approaching, he follows, his fat behind waddling as he pierces me with those eyes as, “Give me food please,” oozes out of every pore! He is overweight but he doesn’t care. I think he loves being who he is. Give him food and his world is a brighter shade of pink! The rest of the day he spends upstairs on the bed enjoying his time alone!
The two are a handful. Shiro more so than Galli. She is loud and if something doesn’t set well, she lets it be known. Her goal is to con her way into the bedroom. She knows that Chachi has that spot now but that doesn’t matter to her. She has her sights set on that coveted prize. Did I tell you that she has big, beautiful eyes? She does and that pitiful meow can tug at any heartstring. Her goal is to befriend Chachi and to oust him from the bedroom. She has a better strategy than Trump! Anyway, they are friends for the moment but Chachi is smarter than he looks. Little Einstein has been proving why he has that name. He has been spending a lot of time upstairs with the cat toys. The kind that helps to make your cat think. Believe it or not, he has managed to get the balls out of one maze and the other one has a piece missing and that is the end of both of them! He is a thinker and I am finding out that the little guy is not as nice as he seems as well. He has taken to snarling and showing his cute little teeth!
His girlfriend, Miss Ipanema, showed up last night. She spotted him sitting at the window seat and set her sights on him. The girl knows how to do that well, she is as loose as they come. A pretty one at that. She is all black with gorgeous green eyes but I’ve decided that she needs to go. Chachi is too innocent for her so I moved him away from the window and the little guy put up a fight and turned his “snarl” on me. He got the riot act read to him last night.
He is learning some not so nice things from the other two. The once sweet and laid-back guy is twice the “macho” he used to be. Yes, I have my hands full but I have to say that they are fun to watch, their different personalities are interesting, and I am learning that cats are not as simple or as clueless as they seem.
According to Colleen McCullough, “the thorn bird spends its entire life tirelessly searching for a thorn tree. Once the tree is located, the thorn bird impales itself on its thorns and sings a beautiful song as it dies,” and it will be the first and only time the thorn bird will sing.
This is a book that kept me riveted to the very end. I’ve read it three times now and I know everything there is to know about it. It is one of the greatest novels of our time and McCullough does a magnificent job of taking us through a journey of forbidden love but most of all it is about a young girl who refuses to give up her dream of being with the wrong guy and the saga that ensues.
Four-year-old Meggie meets Father Ralph and the wheels of destiny starts turning. He is much older than her and a priest at that but there is an instant connection. Father Ralph faces a losing battle as he tries to steer away from her but she is like a beacon that keeps beckoning. The relationship and conflict will take you on a journey, one that will have you rooting for them. I did. It is a heart-rending story which will also keep you spellbound to the very end.
It is definitely a good read if you are into romance and into the kind that will have your tears flowing. I’m a romantic at heart and if a story grips my heart, I’m all in. This one did and I would definitely read it again!
Update: Another 48 hours? Another two days? Another day? We’ve seen it all and as the latest deadline draws near, the world is waiting to see if he will backtrack again after having thrown the gauntlet down. Will there be another deadline coming up or will he do the unthinkable? He’s backed himself into a corner and coming out of it is going to be difficult if not impossible. The man who loves to see himself as the “winner” and as someone who does everything better than anyone else with lots of “common sense” and “acumen” is facing an enemy who’s about to show him up in the worst possible way. Go big or go home, those are the choices. I think that this time around, he has bit off more than he can chew.
It’s coming from the highest office in the land and from the Liar-in-Chief and a convicted felon at that.
Not really surprising you might say BUT it is. Liars lie and convicted felons? Well, they are adapt at unleashing more crimes especially if they have not been held accountable the first time around. The man in question has 34 convictions to his name. What does that tell you? Perhaps, he is not fit to be POTUS?
According to one source, America still has the #1 economy. It’s just a matter of time before he wrecks that as well. As for America’s “reputation, trustworthiness, dependability, morality, believability and exemplary conduct, Donald Trump and his political followers have managed to quite literally cause a global earthquake on the magnitude of 10……he has certainly ruined the image of the United States beyond its borders.”
If that’s not enough, the daily “Psychobabble” coming out of the White House and from one person in particular is hard to bear and for SOME of us, it is akin to mental torture.
The lies keep on coming and his dreams of acquiring Canada as the 51st state to Greenland being next in line is jarring to say the least. The man has big dreams of which nightmares are made of. He spouts lies forgetting that he is on the world stage and that fact checkers are hard at work proving him wrong. Even if they do, he’s off to his next rant repeating those lies over and over again and with a straight face I might add while the rest of the world cringes at those bold-faced lies.
It does not matter because Orange Jesus will stand on his head if he has to and declare it to be the truth and nothing but the truth. It’s what liars do but the fact that the “lies” are used blatantly to bolster his image and to make him seem like Mighty Mouse is scary but what’s scarier is the fact that his supporters are backing him up and eating everything up and that folks is unimaginable to the normal mind at least.
Most of us are “control freaks” when it comes to controlling outcomes. I know I am. We want to take whatever comes our way, things of the unsavory nature and we want to change it or we spend time, sometimes lots of it, mulling over what we cannot control and instead of letting go or accepting it as a lost cause, we try to control the narrative.
“To find calm, let go of the need to control every outcome.” Unknown
I had a tough day yesterday and “calm” had flown the coop and was nowhere to be seen. I kept playing scenarios over and over again and no matter how many times I kept playing it over, the outcome was the same. It was done and dusted and there was nothing I could do about it but to let it go. The only thing I could do was to control my feelings and how I viewed the situation. The other thing that was staring me in the face was that I had no control over the events of the day, only in how I dealt with it. It was time to let it go and I did.
“When you release expectations, you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what you think they should be.” Mandy Hale
I spent most of yesterday getting angry, agitated, frustrated, and whatever else you could throw into the pot, I was ready to take it all and to run with it! Human nature is such that we love to entertain problems. Truth is, problems do show up when we least expect them and they throw us for a loop when we come face to face with them. More often than not, anger and frustration accompany problems. Not knowing how to deal with them is why they appear in succession. In my case, it is the opportunity to fall off from the path of self-discovery I was on and to VENT for all its worth! Ok, it’s alright for awhile but I see the toll it takes on my psyche and even then, I refuse to stop, hell-bent on wrecking havoc as I go along on my path of self-righteousness! The good part is, I’ve learned when to put a stop to it. It took me most of the day but when evening rolled around, I was ready to come to my senses and to look at it with a clear head.
“One of the most rewarding and important moments in life is the moment you finally find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.” marcandangel
Learning to let go of control is not easy because letting go of whatever it is means that you no longer have control over the situation. However, sometimes that is a good thing. You need to step back, view it from a distance and come up with solutions to break down the problem and to make it solvable. Yes, it takes time and it takes focus but it is better than going off the deep end as I did yesterday.
“Real strength isn’t control. It’s knowing when to let go.” Christopher Barzak
I would choose her because I think we have many similarities. If you don’t know who she is, she is the second daughter in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. Someone told me not too long ago that I reminded him of her simply because she is set in her ways like I am or as he put it, COMPLICATED.
However, there is more to her than meets the eye. One of the things I admire about her is that she didn’t let societal pressure sway her and since I am stronger now than I used to be, I don’t let anything or anyone sway me as well. I am my own person, not a good thing always but I find it to be a good thing.
She expresses herself with wit and humor and I think I tend to do that. I have this funny bone that shows up more often than not. The problem is I tend to break out in laughter when I am by myself and when I see humor in a certain situation I burst out laughing. Chachi, the cat, thinks I’m crazy but he loves me regardless. The negative aspect of this character is that she forms opinions quickly and that is a death sentence for any relationship. It is the same with me. A new relationship is on shaky ground from the get go and I shut it down without batting an eye if I see red flags. Elizabeth also had a strong sense of morality and integrity and so do I. However, those two things do bring their own brand of problems because some say I am a stick in the mud but I stick to who I am and that too is a problem. You will see Elizabeth developing her character throughout the novel learning to understand how love and relationships work and she finally finds happiness with Mr. Darcy while I am still looking for him! At this rate, I don’t think he is going to show up.
Daily writing prompt
If you could be a character from a book or film, who would you be? Why?
Update: This was his latest message to Iran filled with expletives meant to “bully” and bring it down to its knees. Malignant narcissism at its best? Here is the message:
“Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell – JUST WATCH!” Time to invoke the 25th Amendment?
Trump’s power grab and brazen attempts at moving away from elected officials and centralizing power in a few selected hands is more than alarming but is it an attempt at hijacking government as is and establishing an authoritarian entity, one to his liking and that of co-president Elon Musk?
Some call it, “robbing the poor to enrich the wealthy.” Nobel laureate, Paul Krugman says, “Mr. Trump’s philosophy is simple: let the uber-rich do whatever they want, with little or no oversight. The result will be vast wealth for a select few while life grows nastier and shorter for the many.” Furthermore, it is all directed at “seeking retribution against his political opponents.” He further adds that the 47th president is postering like a monarch and “the real danger is letting his illusion of power become reality.”
Chaos! Chaos! Chaos!
Rule of Law? Out the window!
The Constitution? Who cares!
Democracy? Only if it panders to the “me” aspect.
Fascism? It is in the making!
Harold Meyerson observes in The American Prospect, “As to the wider world, if we ever sought to be that beacon on the hill, we’re now the bully on the hill. America, Trumpified.”
Trump 2.0 is front and center and it is an accelerated version causing destruction as he sweeps away everything standing in his way and moving towards being the de facto leader for life!
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