Site Title

Chachi’s Say!

Waking up early this morning, I had a plan in mind. Breakfast, take out the trash, clean-up a little, put on my sweatpants, t-shirt and head on to where I feel the most comfortable and where my creative juices get to rev up. I did all of that except for the walk. It came to a screeching halt when I took the plastic trash bin out and realized that it was HOT!

I checked the weather forecast and it is going to be hot today. I’m not into sweaty weather so I came back in with another plan in mind. I have an appointment tomorrow so why not look my best. I decided to slater on the new black mask which is supposed to clean out any unwanted stuff on your face. Thirty minutes and your skin can breathe again. Instead of getting started right away, I decided to get lunch going. It was still early but I love to plan everything ahead of time.

On the menu today is stir-fried Chinese style noodles with Bok Choy and minced or ground meat. The sauce is spicy made more so by the addition of Gochuyang Hot Pepper Paste. This is my go to now when I want things spicy. It does the job pretty well and it tastes great. Anyway, I went out to the garden to see if I could add more stuff to the pan. Sure enough, the chilies were ready. They look like Jalapeno peppers so I added one to the pan. The cherry tomatoes were ripe so I added a couple chopped up as well. Looks like it is going to be a good meal.

Then it was back upstairs and I put the mask on. Chachi, the little Munchkin, walked in and immediately took a step back. The look was somewhere between I can’t believe this and yucks!

HIM: “MOM, you need to get a grip on things! This look is not going to do if you want to attract your one and only.”

ME: “What do you know about that? Anyway, you don’t like any of the guys.”

HIM: “No, I don’t like any of them especially the cheesecake guy! I’m glad he is a no show now! Still the sloppy look and now this is an absolute no go.”

ME: “You’re far from an expert.”

HIM: “Back in the day…..”

ME: “Back in the day?!! What day?”

HIM: “I know things and this is not going to do. You look like the creature from the Black Lagoon!”

I picked him up and brought him downstairs and laid him gently in his basket by the window. Look out there, maybe Little Miss Ipanema is out and about. That’s his on and off girlfriend. She is all black with piercing green eyes and she is known as the village beauty amongst other things! She was sitting on the shed sunning herself but her eyes were trained on Chachi.

“I’m going back upstairs to get some peace. Don’t get any ideas about that little thing out there. She’s not for you!”

Just then she turned her eyes on me.

“Hey Chach, your mom’s a B I * * H! You are a pretty boy but that mother of yours looks like she could scare the hell out of anyone!”

That’s it. I’ve decided that she is not a suitable candidate or rather good girlfriend material for my little guy. So dream on about the pretty boy and that’s where it’s going to stay!

Just then, Chachi piped up.

“See I told you so. That look is not taking you anywhere!”

Just the start to another day in Chachi Land!

Have an amazing day.

THE JOURNEY (Archives)

Edmund Hillary once said, “It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” There is much truth in that one statement. In order to conquer the mountain, metaphorically speaking, we have to conquer ourselves first.

More often than not, we place lines and boundaries around ourselves that stop us from moving forward, both knowingly and unknowingly. I have talked about the stories we tell in another article and it still stands true. The narratives we tell keeps us from achieving goals we set for ourselves. We say, “I can’t,” which is often the first response. What if we changed that narrative to, “I can.” Worth trying?

The thing I need to conquer first and foremost is fear. This four-letter word has kept me from achieving so much in my life. Whatever comes my way is usually DOA because fear steps in and tells me why I am incapable of doing something which might sound rational at the time but it is usually only in my head. The fear factor has kept me safe BUT it has also stopped me from experiencing life at its fullest. I know I need to break out of the well-insulated cocoon I am in and test the waters, or at least to get my feet wet. Not saying you should throw caution to the wind but talking about those small steps to conquer that mountain called life.

“Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.” Judy Blume

Overcoming obstacles is next in line. My first reaction to any obstacle is to cringe and than I tend to shy away from it. Perhaps normal behavior in the grand scheme of things but it would be so much easier if I looked it, whatever it is, in the eye and made a conscious decision to break it down to what it really is. Most times, it is a wrinkle rather than a mountain that I in my innate human self make it out to be. I am learning but it takes time.

“Obstacles are like wild animals. They are cowards but they will bluff you if they can. If they see you are afraid of them….they are able to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight.” Orison Swett Marden.

Acceptance is hard and most times I go through an almost impossible obstacle course of my own making before I can say, “It’s going to be alright. I have accepted the unchangeable and it is time to move on.” This step never comes easily and it takes time but that again is the intricate ways of life or simply of my own choosing. The important thing is that I am learning to accept and let go instead of giving up and kow-towing and accepting defeat. I want to get to the top of the mountain with bells ringing and with my sanity intact! I still have a long ways to go but I am making progress.

“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” Michael J. Fox

However, there is no point in setting out on a journey when there are no clear cut goals because running around in circles is a waste of time and having the courage to know and accept what is needed to make that journey is the way to go. Start with yourself. Be strong enough to get rid of what is not needed, set your focus and start moving to the end goal. Light up your soul, eradicate the stumbling blocks of which there are many I am sure, move with purpose and look towards the path in front of you, one small step at a time. This is exactly what I plan to do.

“Aim for the sky, but move slowly, enjoying every step along the way, it is all those little steps that make the journey complete.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Unshakeable Peace!

Peace is something I seek on a daily basis, and sometimes it is there and sometimes it is nowhere to be found.

The kind of peace that is superficial is easy to find. It is on the surface, it doesn’t go deep and when something walks in and rattles it, it splinters and takes off leaving you to wade through chaos. Been there, done that many many times.

These days, I am looking for the unshakeable variety. The kind that can take a beating and still stand strong. Walks in nature help me to get there. Clearing my mind of what doesn’t serve me is a surefire way of finding peace and to keep everything in balance. Deep breathing is a state of nirvana that I can’t do without. Whether it is a few minutes or half an hour, doing different kinds of breathing brings peace into my life. The one thing that brings me unshakeable peace is my mindset. If I will it, I can do it. I am finding that peace is a state of mind one of your own making.

It takes constant work and you need to make it a priority. Otherwise, it is the wishy washy kind. I know life is not easy and it has a way of throwing hurdles in the way, but those things I listed above do bring me peace and it takes more than something unknown rattling my nerves to rile me up the wrong way. Peace needs work, daily constant work.

Daily writing prompt

What brings you peace?

View all responses

This Thing Called Love (4)

Archives

We sat across from each other, his gaze direct but hooded and mine trying not to look at the face I knew so well. He looked older, a touch of grey showing at his temples and there is a beard now where there was none before. He is still tall and lanky but a slight pouch is clearly visible. There was a certain sadness emanating from him but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

We talked about the one thing that still binds us. He says, “I’m so proud of him. He’s learning to handle things on his own.” I nod, silence filling the air. Something inside me wanted to scream, “You weren’t there half the time! I was left holding the bag when you took off in search of greener pastures.” Instead, I keep my gaze averted and try desperately to hold on to the strength within. The one I’ve been building brick by brick since he left and I wasn’t about to let his words bring it all down crushing into nothingness. He has that effect on me. Why wouldn’t he? I had been married to him and our life together had lasted 16 years. We had started out as best friends and later when love stepped in, it led to marriage and parenthood. Somewhere along the way, he decided to let it all disintegrate and go up in flames when his EGO decided to step in and he let “arrogance” do the rest.

Staring at me, he asked, “How are you doing?” his voice tinged with concern. And then he said, “I’m not a bad guy.” I felt the tears cloud my eyes but I scrambled to keep my calm facade in place like my life depended on it! I said softly, “I’m fine.” He nodded.

He didn’t know that I had called myself, “damaged goods” when it went down. He didn’t know that I had called myself a bird with clipped wings and that I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror for a long time and neither did he know that the unbearable pain had made me put my heart under lock and key and to throw away the keys! So “I’m fine” doesn’t even begin to address all that I went through.

We continued as two strangers making empty conversation. Once we had talked about everything. Our talks had been filled with warmth, love and laughter but that was a long time ago when “love” meant something and “hurt” was a long ways off.

He uncrossed his long legs looking uncomfortable. We had stopped giving each other the meaningless hugs each time we met. Then he had stopped saying, “I still care about you.” I couldn’t bear hearing it anymore. So it was better this way.

Today, it was all about the boy we had brought into this world. Recently, he has been showing more interest in being a good father and I am thankful. Suddenly, he stood up and stretched as if the stilted conversation between us had drained him. I said, “Take care of him.” He answered softly, “I will.”

I walked him to the door and stepping outside, the fresh air felt good. He turned and looked at me again, his eyes speaking volumes. Something within me wanted to jump over the fence I had placed around myself and to say, “Take care of yourself.” I felt this prickling of sympathy for someone who had lost his way and I wanted him to know, “It was going to be alright.” I couldn’t. Smiling a weak smile, I closed the door behind me.

This thing called love is something I will never understand for as long as I live. I know it has the tendency to turn your world upside down and to take you on a roller coaster ride but “ordinary” it is not. Sometimes it walks in silently and has you in its grip and at other times it dies a sudden death and you don’t know why. They say love makes the world go around, it does, but it is also a conundrum and sometimes it is better left alone but when has that stopped us from approaching it throwing caution to the winds. Some loves are forever, some loves are too hard to bear, some loves break your heart in pieces and some “loves” are better left alone.

The Profession I Admire

I was never a highly ambitious person and in my younger days when others were dreaming of changing the world, I had my head in the clouds. A dreamer so to speak. I never thought in terms of one particular profession, I was all over the place.

Writing was something I loved and having published my first short story in a well-known magazine at the age of 16, I wanted to do that all the time. The “high” was addicting. However, even though the story made cover page, I learned that writing didn’t pay well and I also learned that not all who write are writers after getting my share of rejections. Anyway, I got $600 for that story, back then a pretty good sum but still not enough to make a living on. I kept writing but other things stepped in. I would go on to publish more than a 1,000 articles but all done from the sidelines while I pursued more lucrative options. University was where I thought I wanted to be someone. One of the things I admired was speechwriter for the President no less! Journalism was next on my radar. However, writing about the mundane and sometimes about murders which required your actual presence at crime scenes made me step back and I nixed that idea quickly!

Fashion Editor was next. It was fun at first. Celebs, supermodels and designers were all part of my job. Then it got boring! Now, I’m a published author. Where that will take me I don’t know. The book will be out at the end of August and who knows if it is a success or a flop. It’s wait and see now.

Oh, one thing I admired as a young girl were the nuns. Yes, the habit wearing ones. I wanted to be just like them. I glamorized that vocation and I wanted to be in the service of God. Yes, you guessed it. Some of those daily bible study lessons had rubbed off on me! Unfortunately, I grew up! The boys came a calling and being a nun went out the window as well. My eyes do light up when I see them on the streets now and then!

I think I still have my head in the clouds but not as much as I used to. I don’t have any specific profession I admire, but the next time around I want to work at the White House where there is never a dull moment and life is never the same day in and day out!

Daily writing prompt

What profession do you admire most and why?

View all responses

Just Another Day

Have you ever had one of those days where you had it all planned out only to find out that life in its wisdom had other things planned?

I had a perfect Sunday planned. A nice restful sleep, get up whenever, breakfast in bed, cuddle with Chachi, the cat, and just hit the snooze button. I had all of that in mind when I got ready for bed last night. Feeling comfortable in my 3 sizes too big shirt, one of the perks of not having a guy by your side, I had done my nightly routine. Deep breathing, meditation and of course yoga. This ancient art form does wonders and I’m back to doing all the Pretzel twists that this requires short of headstands. Feeling good after torturing my body, I was ready for a goodnight’s rest with visions of a nice Sunday dancing in my head.

Guess what? Life had other plans. Waking up this morning, nice and early, I made a plan for the day. I was down to two piles of paperwork that needed sorting. My inner being, the one that sometimes has great ideas was whispering softly in my ears, “Let it all go to HELL!” Hmm…sounds like a great idea especially for a Sunday.

Then I glanced at my iPhone and noticed this message. “Updates are available, will install tonight.” Hmm…it has been saying that for the last two days! I am a Tech klutz as I’ve mentioned here before and this spelled trouble one that could throw my Sunday into something unrecognizable!

“Calm down!” I told myself. Reaching for my steady companion, I Googled! Why didn’t it do automatic updates as it had been doing? WHY?!! The answers came back. It could be shortage of space and a whole host of other things! Not good! A lazy breakfast in bed had flown out the window and now, I just wanted to get the update done but was afraid to press any buttons! The people at Apple are all about the updates! The Tech gods sitting up there somewhere keep coming up with new things all the time all in the name of security. The Fort Knox variety!

Anyway, I Googled for all I was worth! An hour later, I decided to take the plunge. Going to Settings and there grinning back at me was the latest update.

“Now what?” it said. “I dare you!”

I hit update and it immediately went to update followed by a blank screen! Nothing happened for a few minutes and then the Apple logo came on. It showed it was uploading or rather downloading? Who cares, it was doing something. How long? Google told me it could take 30 minutes to one hour. I was nervous.

I went downstairs to get my coffee and breakfast. Ten minutes later, I was back upstairs and it said, “Your iPhone has been updated!” Then it asked for my PIN and luckily I had it written down. Leaving nothing to chance these days! I put it in and it is up and running!

Just as I was taking a well-deserved deep breath, I glanced over at the floor where the sun was shining, and there clearly visible were the dust bunnies laughing their heads off!

“We’re back!” was all they said.

Just then, Chachi, the cat walked in wearing his macho pants.

“Mommy!”

ME: “I don’t want to hear it!”

That folks is the start of my Sunday!

Have an amazing day.

Things That Rattle!

Things that rattle can be used, “to describe things that are unsettling, unstable, or cause anxiety.”

Friday started out great. I was up early, the sun was out and I was ready to take a walk in nature. My mind was clear and devoid of unsettling stuff, the kind that accompanies me on my daily walks but yesterday, it had gone into hiding and for once, I was feeling like a blank slate not that it happens often. Most days that slate is overflowing with things that even Einstein would have a hard time figuring out.

Anyway, off I went to my favorite place in the world. The fields. It was quiet, calm and just waking up. However, the farmers were already there getting their tractors ready to break the silence. I waved and they waved back. Taking my usual route, I headed to the apple trees. Visibility was clear on both sides since the farmers had done their job of cutting down the Rapeseed plants. Claustrophobia was nowhere to be seen either. I did a quick walk and just as they started their engines, I headed back to tackle the day.

I was at peace and ready for another cup of coffee. The day was beginning on a good note. Just then, the phone started ringing, the sound jarring. It was too early for a phone call and probably nothing good I thought.

The voice on the other end sounded agitated.

SHE: “You forgot your appointment this morning.”

ME: “What appointment?”

SHE: “Your haircut appointment.”

Oh God! The rattling was taking off and the “peace” of a few minutes ago was shattered and in pieces at my feet!

A quick glance in my appointment book confirmed it but somehow I had the wrong date on it. The rattling was louder now. I apologized profusely and made a note to bring some chocolates the next time I showed up there.

The rest of the day took a deep dive because I was too busy wondering what I could do to make up to them. It’s funny how “small things,” can take you on a path of unrest, uneasiness, and total chaos! That blank slate was filling up at an alarming rate and not with anything of the good kind! Suddenly, the “new me” stepped in. The one who wants “peace” as her mainstay. No cape needed, all I had to do was to shut it down! The constant chattering was shown the door and not too ceremoniously either! I had made my peace with the situation and I will rectify it at a later point in time. Now it was enough. No more “what ifs,” just PEACE! It is amazing what your mind can do when told to “heel” in a no-nonsense tone. It took its cue and left me in peace.

“You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.” Dan Millman

Have an amazing Sunday.

NOTHING!

Photo by Anna Nekrashevich on Pexels.com

Grrr! Another question that I have no answers for!

First of all, I wouldn’t open up a shop. If I did, it would be one way to bring all the stress back into my life again. My life would be regimented and free time would be a thing of the past. So I wouldn’t open up a shop.

However, if I had to, I would have a shop with nothing in it. What kind of a concept is that? Mine. The sign at the entrance would say, “Come in and browse.” The shelves would be empty except for my table, it would have a laptop and some magazines to while away the time. If customers ask with a puzzled look on their faces, “What are you selling?”

ME: “Nothing.”

THEM: “Why do you have a shop then?”

ME: “Just because.”

THEM: “Just because what?”

ME: “Just because I was told to.”

THEM: “She’s crazy!”

ME: “You got that right!”

Nothing to clean up, nothing to stock up and no money coming in. Who cares?!! I’ll have my peace and if they, the customers come in they can look at me with a puzzled look all they want. I’ll call it the future way of shopping. Do your shopping via the internet and if you have to venture out, you have somewhere to go but nothing to buy!

My imagination is on overdrive today! Next question please…..

Daily writing prompt

If you were going to open up a shop, what would you sell?

View all responses

Emotional Deja Vu

It is described as, “a feeling of intense familiarity and strong emotions associated with a new experience.” Even though the experience is a new one, the “been there, done that” feeling creeps in and it can bring either dread or joy.

I think we’ve all been there, at some point in our lives, finding ourselves on the same rollercoaster ride time and time again. The same bad experiences keep popping up and no matter how hard we try, we come back to Square 1 before we take off again, back on that rollercoaster with another person who just happens to be the same type you left behind but in a different body!

Have you asked yourself why?

One source says it’s because those “old wounds” haven’t healed and you’re carrying them around like an albatross around your neck. It could be coming from an old relationship that didn’t work out, some trauma that happened along the way which showed you that you are not enough or it could go all the way back to your childhood where you learned that you have to perform and work for everything including relationships.

You make yourself small to fit in. You put up with disrespect. You make do with the blatant lies hoping he’ll change but he never does. You accept crumbs when you should have the whole feast!

You need to stop attracting and accepting low-value men. They are the ones who don’t think twice about cheating on you because they know that whatever they do, you’ll go along for the ride. You will try harder because in your book, love is about conforming to what is asked of you not of being accepted on equal terms. You hang on their every word like a puppy dog and you wait for their validation which never comes. You eat up everything they feed you including the BS! You’re willing to give their “ego” an additional boost by placing a halo on their head, one you’ve decided they deserve. Why? It’s because you find yourself lacking in one way or another. And so the cycle continues.

High-value men do not play games and they are not EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED either! They know how to treat a woman right and they are willing to meet you halfway with love, respect and common decency.

How do you break this pattern of attracting what you are used to and the one your heart knows well?

Break the programming! Something in your past has tattooed this message into your being. “I’m not worthy and I don’t deserve better!” You seek what is familiar to you, the hurts, the pain, the knowing, the red flags. You take it all in and are even comfortable with them. It is what you know best. If you don’t break this cycle, it is emotional deja vu over and over again.

Work on knowing the patterns that get you there. Take time out to find out what you want and be honest about it. Know that you’ll feel lonely having to walk it alone for a while. It is needed.

Remember this:

“You’re a first place girl…..not a “just incase girl!”

AND

“An amazing thing happens when you stop seeking approval and validation: You find it. People are naturally drawn like magnets to those who know who they are and cannot be shaken!”

SO HERE YOU GO!

Know who you are, know your self-worth, don’t settle for anything less and in time those rollercoaster rides will fizzle out. The one who’s meant for you will find you, this time to stay because YOU know exactly what you want and you are no longer settling for anything less than that!

Have an amazing day.

My Constant Companion

I can say many things like my ID, money, credit cards but I never thought I would say this! It is my iPhone. I was never a big cellphone, handy, mobile phone fan. I had something for emergencies and it worked just fine or rather I was more than content with it.

Along came my friend, a tech-savvy guy who was into all the latest gadgets! He couldn’t understand how I could survive with the thing I was carrying around. One birthday, we went to the next village to have dinner and as we walked past a computer store, his eyes lit up. “Let’s go in,” he said. They had everything and more as far as technology was concerned. He headed straight to the iPhone section. I was thinking he wanted something new for himself. Nope! He picked out the latest and it was a done deal. Then he handed it to me and said, “Part of your birthday present.” You don’t want to know what the other part was! Anyway, I had a brand new iPhone that could do hoops and much much more.

That’s when the Google addiction started. I was amazed at what I had at my fingertips! He is gone but that technology he gifted is a part of my daily life. I never leave home without it and it goes everywhere with me. There is a certain safety that comes with it because if caught outside with car troubles or I needed to call someone, it is there to fulfil my every wish. Sure, lesser and cheaper gadgets do that as well but not as efficiently as this does. Worth the money? Definitely. And it gives me peace of mind as well.

Daily writing prompt

What is the most important thing to carry with you all the time?

View all responses