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Strategies I Use

Currently there are many strategies I use to increase comfort in my daily life. First thing is not to set the alarm clock. I have nowhere to go and not much to do so life doesn’t revolve around getting up at a certain time and a rigid schedule. I can do as I please and that is a great place to be in.

Candles

I love them and I love burning them. The scented ones with lovely light scents are my favorite and I usually have one or two going. I read an article recently that candles with oils in them may not be a good thing for cats so I use the naturally scented ones. Sometimes, Chachi, the cat, sniffs the air and gives me one of his Macho Pants looks.

“What you got going there mommy?!! The whole place stinks!”

Yes, he is happiest when everything reeks of tuna!

A Cold Bedroom

This is another strategy I love. In the US, I used to have the AC going 24/7 and the bedroom was very cold with lots of blankets to cuddle under. Here, I have to make do with fans but still I love a cool or rather a cold room. I sleep better that way.

Teas

I love them all. Green tea for inflammation, Fennel and Anise tea for the stomach, herbal teas for just about anything and Hibiscus tea for the skin. They also have a calming effect on me although I like coffee too but I stick to two cups a day of the dark brew and the rest of the time, I’m sipping tea.

Cheesecake

Yes, you guessed it. It still has a hold on me. I’m down to a slice every other day but it still has a tight grip on me. I found a new recipe for Keto Blueberry Cheesecake which is supposed to not have any of the bad stuff. Made some muffins yesterday using this recipe and it was delicious without none of the guilt. However, cheesecakes do UP the comfort factor, just a slice with a cup of coffee is heaven and since I don’t have anything else to measure it up to now, it is the next best thing to HEAVEN!

SLEEP

I need my 8 hours a night or else I am a Grumpus and even Chachi keeps his distance. A lot of planning goes into getting that amount of sleep. A nice shower, roomy and comfy pjs, a bedtime tea, meditation, light music……get the picture? I have to calm myself down to sleep well. So far so good.

Those are some of the things I do to increase the comfort factor in my daily life. It works for me and it keeps me where I need to be. Calm, collected, full of energy and purring like a cat!

Chachi disagrees but what does he know!

Daily writing prompt

What strategies do you use to increase comfort in your daily life?

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An Exciting Future

There are two things I am excited about as far as the future goes. One is to see if that elusive guy shows up. The one who is somewhere out there and who has trouble finding his way to me. Or perhaps I have put up too many roadblocks along the way that no matter how hard he tries, there is no getting through. It could be that too. I’m good at building a dam or rather a moat so that no one gets across. However, I’m excited to see if he makes it across. It is going to take effort and a single-minded focus to get to me plus some expertise at getting over those hurdles.

The other thing I am excited about is my book. It is nearing the completion phase. How long will that take? Lord only knows. In the meantime, I’ve completed the second book. It is a sequel to the first one. Chachi, the cat, plays a cute and feisty character and it has been accepted. I’m waiting to see how the first book goes before the next one goes in.

Good things are on the horizon and fingers crossed that things work out the way they’re supposed to. One can only hope for the best and pray that all goes well.

Life, are you listening? Let’s make this happen.

Daily writing prompt

What are you most excited about for the future?

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Idolizing Reality

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“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” Dita von Teese

What does idolizing reality really mean? It is “the act of putting a person, relationship, or situation on a pedestal, holding it to an unrealistic standard, and often becoming overly attached to it.”

How often have you cried over split milk? More times than you can remember? More appropriately, have you put that person on a pedestal, one they didn’t belong on, weeping a waterfall over the no-good, two-timing you know what. I know I have. I’ve cried a waterfall and more over that cheating ex of mine not because he was the best thing that ever happened to me but because I had single-handedly put him on a pedestal he didn’t deserve. Yes, we idolize reality and how!

“It’s so easy to get wrapped up in idolizing the relationship once it’s ended.

But in reality, the relationship had problems.

It was not meant to last – otherwise it would have.” Unknown

Idolizing reality can be a bad thing and it often is. It can take years to let go of the perception that you can’t do better. Sometimes blaming yourself for what went down but if you step back and look at it carefully, dissect it piece by piece, you’ll find exactly this. The person was sorely lacking in all that you were looking for. It would have been a lot easier if you could have flipped that light switch and moved on but as humans, we have a hard time doing that. Perhaps, idolizing that relationship gives us an out instead of, “How could I have been so gullible?”

“My life dramatically improved when I started seeing people for who they are plus what they’ve shown me, instead of romanticizing about what they could be.” Unknown

Elbert Einstein had this say: “To invent something, all you need is imagination and a big pile of junk.”

He nailed it on the head, didn’t he? We have imagination and for some of us it’s on overdrive and it often takes us places we don’t want to go. It keeps us there because we don’t see it as “junk” but as the next best thing to sliced bread. Therein lies the problem. It’s time to clean house, get your perspectives right and shut the door tightly behind you. Even a minute spent on “idolizing” that kind of reality is too much.

Note to Self:

“Happiness is letting go of what you assume your life is supposed to be like right now, and sincerely appreciating it for everything that it is. So, RELAX. You are enough. You have enough. You do enough. Breathe deep….let go, and just live right now in the moment.” Unknown

While you’re doing that, give all the things you’re holding on to like how great he was, he didn’t mean it, he made a mistake and most importantly, “I can’t find another someone like him,” a boot out the door! You’ll find someone better. Trust and believe that you will AND do the work to get you there. Yes, it takes work but it’s better than “idolizing” that sod as the Brits would say.

Have an amazing day.

Bad Relationships

I would definitely let go of a bad relationship for the sake of harmony. Gone are the days of holding on and hoping that things will change for the better and in so doing letting “harmony” go to pieces.

These days, harmony is my priority. I’ve worked very hard to get to that point where harmony and peace of mind is of the utmost importance. So any guy who walks in carrying his baggage and his only goal is to disrupt that peace is shown the door pretty quickly. There are those who love disrupting who you are, what you stand for and who think that just their presence is enough to keep you running circles around them. It used to be the case before but not anymore. I’ve emerged as a stronger person and in order to do that, I had to fight fire with fire.

I would definitely let go of a bad relationship. The kind that is just one-sided, one that doesn’t contribute to your well-being and the ones you know is not going anywhere but taking you down with them. Letting go is hard but for my peace of mind, I need to let it float out the door.

Harsh? Well, sometimes harshness works better than anything you can say to them. I know what you’re thinking. At this rate, she’s not going to find that special someone. You may be right so it’s a wait and see approach now. I know what I want, if he’s out there that is another question!

Daily writing prompt

What could you let go of, for the sake of harmony?

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LOL!

Husband: “Shall we try a different position tonight?”

Wife: “That’s a good idea. Why don’t you stand by the sink and do the dishes, and I’ll sit on the sofa and watch TV?”

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At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth,” even when you don’t know anything.

The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, “Then come give your father a big hug.”

“Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.”

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A wife asked her car enthusiast husband what he wanted for Christmas. He replies, “Something that goes from zero to 220 in three seconds.”

On Christmas, he unwrapped a bathroom scale.

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A wife told her husband, “Go out and get something that makes me look sexy.”

He went out and came back drunk.

How do you think that went?

Pop, Rock, Country and Jazz

I like listening to music but I like easy listening best. Something smooth and mellow and one that goes over easy. Perfect example would be Katie Melua. The Georgian British singer and songwriter has a voice that I can listen to forever and forever. Her songs are a blend of jazz, folk, blues and pop.

Country is another genre I like. Not the old country songs that go deep in twang but the modern ones are pretty good. I love Chris Stapleton, Luke Combs, Luke Bryan, Brad Paisley and Eric Church. I’m sure there are more but can’t think of them right now. Modern country is more pop-influenced and it is more polished versus old country which focused on working-class struggles, nostalgia, heartbreak and had a more raw and authentic sound.

I do like classical music but not all the time. Bach, Beethoven, and Brahms are some of my favorites but it is not something I listen to all the time. I have to be in the mood for it and it doesn’t happen all the time.

They say music calms the savage beast and when I feel myself heading in that direction, I turn to one of the above to soothe a frazzled nerve or to just let myself float on air. It is also a nice way of relaxing.

Daily writing prompt

What is your favorite genre of music?

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Loneliness (Archives)

“Find company within yourself and you’ll never spend a day alone. Find love within yourself and you’ll never have a lonely day.” Connor Chalfant

Loneliness is defined as sadness because one has no friends or company. However, it is actually a state of mind. People who are lonely have trouble connecting with others because even though they want and crave human contact, their state of mind makes it hard for them to see beyond what they are feeling. At this stage, they often see themselves as unworthy of friendship, they often feel rejected and more often than not, they voluntarily remove themselves from what is causing them hurt and that is the outside world and so the vicious cycle begins and takes hold.

Low self-esteem, lack of confidence and being an introvert can all lead to isolation and loneliness. The effects are far-reaching and at times scary. It can lead to antisocial behavior, feelings of not fitting in and worst case scenario, it can also lead to depression and suicide.

Almost everyone experiences loneliness at some time or rather and it gets worse during holidays, birthdays and other significant days. Someone close to me is dealing with symptoms of loneliness and any suggestions of help is falling on deaf ears. He is hell-bent on holding onto his new best friend “loneliness.” I think we are our own worst enemy and when we fall, we fall deep. We go into the trenches and it is hard to crawl back out. We tell ourselves we are not good enough as we are, opinions matter and we see ourselves as not worthy of interacting with what is out there. At times the outside world can be cruel and for someone who is struggling it can be more than daunting. What to do short of meeting with a therapist? Perhaps these few tips might help.

Be there and show that you care.

Be patient. Irritation is the common response. Show that you’re there to listen.

Join a group, exercise class or book club. There are many other options.

Do things you enjoy.

Go for a walk.

Share your feelings.

Practice self-care. Start exercising, eat nutritious foods and get enough sleep.

Love yourself warts and all.

Most of all stay busy.

If none of the above help, here are some quotes to see life from the brighter side.

“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.” Mandy Hale

“It’s impossible to be lonely when you’re zesting an orange. Scrape the soft rind once and the whole room fills with fruit. Look around: you have more than enough. Always have. You just didn’t notice until now.” Mary Oliver

I love this one.

“If you are feeling lonely know that you’ll always have:

Books to nurture your mind. Hands to create and explore. Wind to calm your soul. Breathes to soothe your nerves. Nature to soak your worries away. Stars to decorate your dreams.” Emma Xie

Have an amazing day.

My Most Memorable Vacation

It wasn’t all good. Some parts were great and others I could have done without. One of the things we shouldn’t have done was to take our five-year-old with us. That was a major faux pas!

We went to Singapore and later to Penang in Malaysia. Our “little terror” wasn’t used to the hot weather and crowds so he became a seasoned complainer. On one hand, he was really happy about the people. They were overly friendly to him and even offered to buy him from us. We should have taken the offer! He was a cutie but a little rascal to boot.

My ex had never been there before so it was an eye-opener for him. The food was great especially the “Chili Crabs.” It was finger-licking good. The place was clean and green but most of all we loved the food there. Our little guy was learning to swim at the time so his dad had him in the hotel pool every chance he got and the added attraction were the monkeys in the trees surrounding the pool! It was a major distraction. However, he didn’t learn to swim in Singapore. It was in Penang when he finally swam halfway across the pool! That was memorable especially the proud smile he wore on his face.

Malaysia was great as well. However, the traffic was scary. We were in Kuala Lumpur and had to cross a busy road and believe me, it was terrifying. The way to get across was to wait till there was a break in traffic and run across! We managed somehow but it was not my thing. The food was fantastic, the people friendly and it had a laid-back vibe. We stayed with friends and every morning we could see the monkeys making their way through the trees heading to wherever they were going and every evening they would come back the same way.

One of the things we learned during that trip was to stop spoiling the little brat! I remember one incident in Singapore along the East Coast right by the beach when he pulled a temper-tantrum because something didn’t go the way he wanted. His face was bright red, his veins popping out in his neck when he started to scream his head off. My ex and I found a seat and watched as he screamed his a** off! People would walk up to him and try to console him but it only made things worse.

It was a memorable trip but it had both good and bad parts to it for all the reasons I mentioned above.

Daily writing prompt

Describe your most memorable vacation.

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Subjects of Authority?

I don’t consider myself an authority on any one subject. Some subjects I am good at because of what I have lived through like grief, murder and the aftermath, and relationships and others I gloss over, glad that I don’t have to give it too much attention.

I know that grief takes a long time to dissipate. It hangs on and it takes but a little reminder to bring it all rushing back just like it was yesterday. I also know that time does make the pain less and time also erases the vividness, that is a godsent. However, grief is yours alone to bear and others may offer help but when it comes down to it, you are the carrier and you have to deal with it.

Murder is something that I never thought would visit my family. We were upper- middle class and we lived in a safe neighborhood or so it seemed. When murder comes visiting it doesn’t care where you live, who you are and what you’re about. It has the ability to cross lines and being in the wrong place at the wrong time is all it takes. I also know that long after the person is gone, the after-effects keep on coming. It takes strength, it takes courage and it takes forgiveness to let go and to move on. However, it doesn’t happen overnight, it takes a long time before that happens.

I can’t say I am an expert on relationships but my problem was that I believed in forevers. So when my marriage took a dive after many years, I was devastated. I didn’t see it as being married to the wrong person but instead I took it personally. When it broke and went down, I went down with it. It took a long time to come out of that rabbit hole and to live life again. The after-effects are still felt but it is a lesson learned and one I don’t want to repeat.

I speak from experience but not as an authority on any one subject. I think experience sometimes makes you an expert because you learned what you didn’t really want to learn but because of life and its idiosyncrasies there was no choice but to pick up the pieces and to keep on going.

Daily writing prompt

On what subject(s) are you an authority?

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An Ode to an Angel

“Angels appear in many different forms to hold your hand through difficult times.” Doreen Virtue

Three years already? Has it been that long? I can still hear your laughter, that soft raspy laugh and I can hear you saying, “You’re so bad with time.” I totally agree.

I lit a candle for you today. It’s just symbolic. It’s what humans do to show their caring and to say, “I’m thinking about you.” However, I think “up there” where you’re at, they’ve got much better things planned for you today.

What can I say that I haven’t said already? The “thank yous” never seem enough and the love you showed a broken heart and the healing you brought into my life was unexpected but it was needed. You swooped in and carried me on your wings and for a while, my world began to right itself.

Remember the first laughter that escaped from me? The loud and no holds barred kind that had me bending over till tears started running down my face? When it subsided, I looked at you with new eyes. There was something about you. It wasn’t just the good looks, the soft spoken ways about you but there was something special about you. I felt comfortable in your presence. I called it a feeling of home. I also felt safe in your presence but I couldn’t love you the way you wanted. I was too broken at the time but you took that in stride. Your love never wavered. We, my son and I, became a part of your world.

No, it wouldn’t last long but during the time you were here, you showed us what love was about. It was unconditional, it was focused and it was filled with caring. I didn’t see your wings back then, I only knew you were someone special.

I still talk about you and it is with reverence and sometimes I see anger because your shoes are hard to fill. I was told, “Not everyone can be like him!” I agree and I KNOW that those shoes can never be filled. They belonged to an angel and no earthly human is going to measure up. However, I’m not looking for someone to fill those shoes, just someone who will love me for who I am.

So, the candle is burning bright. It’s not one that you bought me. That supply has been exhausted. This one I bought myself. I still see you as you were. The tall frame dressed in a shirt and jeans, green eyes smiling, the same color as Chachi’s eyes, the quiet confidence that seemed to reach out and take me in its hold. I felt “safe” there and there are times when I reach out for that safety and there are times when I still feel you close to me.

I’ll say thank you again for all that you gave me in that short space of time. You showed me that there is a “better” love out there. You helped to mend those clipped wings so thank you my angel and I hope you have a fantastic day today.

“Angels never stay for long.”