This is a hard one and this early in the morning? My mind is doing a scramble to unravel that mystery because I’ve known many people in my life who seemed very confident and had a handle on this thing called life.
If I had to narrow it down to one person, I would say it was my mom. She is no longer here but her presence remains and is a constant reminder that I can do all things as she did in her life. She was a petite person but a giant when it came to raising her children. Some would call her an “helicopter mom” because her life was based around us and she was constantly looking out for us but when it came to parenting, she was a one woman parenting machine! I take many of my cues from her when it comes to my son and the questions he has. She had answers to every question and believe me there were many many questions!
Part of that parenting system didn’t cater to a rambunctious young girl because I wanted things my way but she stood her ground. She stood up to adversity like a pro and challenges were just that, something to be conquered or handled and that was it. No berating herself like I do. I remember her standing tall even at the worst times in her life and even when her life came to an end because someone chose to end it, she put up a fight. She was and is, the most confident person I know and have known. She had faith in herself and in God and these two things combined together were an unbeatable team. I am confident but nowhere close to where she was but I am learning to embrace my own strength and I see confidence in how I handle things as well. Perhaps the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree as they say.
I wrote this before he made it as the 47th President. However, nothing much has changed. The man is throwing temper tantrums like its nobody’s business, doesn’t care about rule of law and his bullying tactics have gained strength. He is going rogue with a partner by his side cheering him on. Elon Musk is of the same caliber and the two together are wrecking havoc more than a wrecking ball can!
Jury finds Trump liable and orders him to pay a whopping and I mean a whopping sum of $83.3 million in damages to E. Jean Carroll who alleged that Trump raped her in a department store in the mid-1990s and then went on to defame her when he denied her claim.
Trump for his part walked out during closing statements and that move hurt him badly. The man is known for throwing a temper tantrum when something doesn’t go his way and “rule of law” is not what he stands for. He loves thumping his nose at it and he did it again on Friday but to his detriment. The huffing and puffing and blow the house down part is still to come but we will see it sooner than later. When have you known him to keep his mouth shut? At least, the grin has been wiped off his face, the one he wore after the New Hampshire win.
The man who boasted about grabbing crotch in 2016 and making light of it found himself in an uproar back then. He went on to say, “Anyone who knows me knows these words don’t reflect who I am.” His frequent derogatory remarks have proved to be a major liability for him which brings me to the present. This time around it is going to cost him in a big way. According to Roberta Kaplan, Carroll’s lawyer, “All he really understands is money and so you should award an amount of money that will make him stop. Whether that will succeed, I don’t know, I sure hope it will.”
E. Jean Carroll had this to say, “it is a huge defeat for every bully who has tried to keep a woman down.” More than that, the rule of law applies to everyone AND the man eyeing another term in the White House should learn to abide by it. However, that is a big ask of someone who has never toed the line and probably never will. That is the hard truth.
There is an unstoppable force within you and it is called the power within. It can do the impossible if you let it. You, my friend, are more than the circumstances that surround you and YOU are capable and more than enough to overcome those circumstances.
“You have the power within yourself to make anything possible, you must diminish the doubt and ignite the self belief.” Leon Brown
“The strongest force in the universe isn’t found in the stars, it’s within you! Ignite your passion, fuel it with belief, and watch as your courage sets the world ablaze.” Unknown
“Strength does not come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t.” Rikki Rogers
“It’s time you realized that you have something in you more powerful and miraculous than the things that affect you.” Marcus Aurelius
“So wear your strongest posture and see your hardest times as more than just the times you fell, but a range of mountains you learned to climb.” Morgan Harper Nichols.
Just a note to the person facing the new beginning today. YOU are fully capable of handling anything and everything. Believe in yourself, hold your head up high and you have won half the battle, the rest will fall into place. Good luck on your journey today, I am rooting for you!
I would say the same things I mentioned in yesterday’s “Daily Prompt,” plus I’ll add a few more. Besides walking, working out and meditation, I put my feelings down on paper or write articles on how I am feeling and what I have done or am doing to combat those feelings.
Writing is a tremendous tool, if you can call it that, to bring out what I am holding inside into the open so that it no longer weighs me down. Getting it out there has also helped me to get a better focus on the problem and to come up with better ways of handling whatever is bothering me. Somehow seeing it for what it is, just a ripple even if at times it seems like a big rock, helps me to deal with the situation in a more focused way. Writing is often my go to method for solving negative feelings and it has been working so far.
The other method I turn to is breathing. Whenever I feel like I am drowning in negativity, it happens from time to time but when I sit myself down and go within and start one of my breathing techniques, it melts away. This doesn’t always work but more often than not. There’s something about taking a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds and slowly letting go with a sigh that releases the anxiety and nervousness within. It is a stress buster and just a few minutes a day does wonders for my inner being, my psyche and for letting negative feelings go where they belong, wherever that is. Peace is what I seek and it is what I find when I do “deep breathing” several times a day.
Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
We’ve met them, had to deal with them and been in relationships with them. I’m talking about toxic people. We’ve suffered the consequences but still carried on hoping that change would come. It never does. The outcome is always the same. It is often accompanied by pain and confusion. I’ve come to the conclusion that there is little you can do to change a ‘toxic’ person but you can protect yourself.
In order to deal with a toxic person you need to know their modus operandi or rather how they operate in their world. According to The Mind Journal, there are six types of toxic people.
THE NARCISSIST
Only cares about themselves
Lacks empathy
Truly believes they are better than everyone around them.
THE CONTROLLER
Tries to control everything around them.
Needs to be in charge of every decision.
Makes you feel like you can’t do anything right.
THE DRAMA MAGNET
Feeds off of gossip and drama
Drama seems to ‘follow them’ (they create it).
Puts you in uncomfortable positions.
THE ENERGY VAMPIRE
Drains you of energy, overwhelms you.
Creates problems and feeds on the negativity.
Criticizes and bullies you.
THE COMPULSIVE LIAR
Tells white lies constantly.
Manipulates and gaslights you.
Master of guilt trips.
THE GREEN EYED
Cannot be happy for other people’s good fortune.
Plays the victim
Minimizes other people to feel better about themselves.
These people often bring conflict, negativity and confusion not to mention pain into your life. Dealing with them is like walking on a minefield not suspecting anything would go wrong but eventually it does because they are wired a certain way. They are manipulative, oftentimes abusive and they will find ways to justify their behavior. Remorse never crosses their mind and taking accountability for their actions is a never never thing. They usually take without giving back.
“Just remember, we are all toxic. Every single human being is capable of being toxic, has been, currently is at times.
But some people have the desire to be educated on it and do better while others will ignore any accountability and continue to act the same way.”
Pay Attention
It is not clear why we keep doing circles around toxic people? Perhaps it has something to do with stupidity and the definition of stupid goes like this.
“Knowing the truth, seeing the truth, but still believing the lies.” Unknown
Toxic people for all their flaws can be magnetic. They tend to pull you in and make you want to stay for awhile and if love is involved, it brings a whole new dimension with it.
“Love is 50% stupid and 50% brilliant. The challenge is figuring out which part of it you’re experiencing at any given moment.” Unknown
Once you’ve figured out that you’ve hitched your yoke to a toxic person and don’t know what to do, the following quote might just help.
You don’t ever have to feel guilty about Removing Toxic People From Your Life.
“It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance, you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and “continues” to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.” Unknown
Painful but short and sweet and perhaps this is the only language that ‘toxic’ people understand. Unfortunately.
There are three activities that I have come to love in my search for peace and serenity. They are walking, workouts and meditation.
These three things have helped to forge a way out of situations I find myself in and they have helped to bring a sense of cohesiveness to my life. It didn’t happen overnight, it took time and a certain mindset to keep at getting better.
Walking is my go to when I need to clear my mind of all negative thoughts and just 2o minutes out in nature helps me to do just that. It is free and all it takes is to get out there and see what remedies “nature” in its all-knowing wisdom has to offer if you are willing to listen that is. It may seem like a mindless activity but it is not.
Working out is a daily companion. I work out seven days a week and I don’t stick to one thing. It gets boring that way. I switch it around. Some days it is cardio, some days weight training, some days Pilates and some days Yoga. Whatever I choose to do, Chachi, the cat, is right there working alongside! More like standing right in front of me and waiting to be picked up and kisses rained down on him! That’s his allure to working out. It works just fine for the both of us.
Meditation, well I can’t live without it. It is a big part of my day and one that helps to center and to bring calm into my life. It also helps the “monkey” I call my brain to take a seat and to be quiet for a while.
These are activities that are part and parcel of my life. Simple things, non-materialistic but I find Nirvana in them and they will continue to be a part of my existence.
What movies or TV series have I watched more than 5 times? This is easy, I don’t think any. The most I’ve watched something I like is maybe twice.
Two movies come to mind both with Anthony Hopkins and Brad Pitt in starring roles. The first one was “Meet Joe Black.” I loved this one and both actors did a superb job with their roles. Some may say a boring movie but I found it interesting and it combined both romance and the supernatural so it was spell-binding.
The other was “Legends of the Fall.” Here again, it combined romance and a family’s fight to survive a corrupt system. The scenery was more than beautiful and the underlying issue of love, the forbidden kind was front and center.
I loved both of them but I’ve watched them maybe twice. Five times? I think it takes just two or three times to have something imprinted in your mind and to know every upcoming scene. Five times might be overdoing it just a little.
Daily writing prompt
What movies or TV series have you watched more than 5 times?
These quotes below hold a lot of truth and wisdom in them. It might help to change your life for the better as it is doing mine.
“I don’t regret the things I’ve done, I regret the things I didn’t do when I had the chance.”
“When the past calls, let it go to voicemail, believe me, it has nothing new to say.”
“Death isn’t sad. The sad thing is most people don’t live at all.”
“I am always doing things I can’t do. That is how I get to do them.”
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”
Envy and jealousy are two things that rob you of potential because you are too busy looking at someone else when you should be concentrating on your own life.
“It doesn’t matter where you are, you are nowhere compared to where you can go.”
“The more you take responsibility for your past and present, the more you are able to create the future you seek.”
“Success is 90% attitude and 1% aptitude.”
“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.”
“You don’t deserve a half-hearted love. You don’t deserve someone who can only promise you pieces and not the whole. You don’t deserve someone who’s walking around investing time in other some ones. You don’t deserve a person who can’t commit.” Marisa Donnelly
Have you ever fallen for an emotionally-unavailable man? Have you ever wondered why you’re on a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs and you don’t know if you’re coming or going? If you’re caught up in a never-ending cycle of being taken for a ride, it’s time to get off.
An emotionally unavailable man is typically defined as, “not willing or able to truly commit to you and be loyal to you. This type of man will often want to keep things casual and undefined so as to not deal with any of the emotional components that go into a long-term relationship.”
The problem is even though these men are not available, it doesn’t stop them from being out there on the dating scene. They don’t want long-term but pretend that they do. They send out mixed signals and at times it seems like they want “forever” but it is more in their mind than anything else. The message they deliver is a confusing one and just when you think that you’ve found the one, they’ll show you different in a not so nice way. They’re there one minute, ghost you the next or worse still take up with someone else right before your very eyes. This is a relationship where you’re the non-entity and it is all about them.
How do you know if they’re emotionally unavailable? Here are some signs according to Victoria Miretti.
They cannot say they are looking for a long term committed relaitonship.
They don’t court you.
They struggle to have emotional or in depth conversations.
Their words and actions don’t match.
They are inconsistent.
You don’t experience a steady upward progression in the relationship.
I had the unfortunate experience of meeting one such person. He walked in like a hurricane ready to sweep everything away in his path and I was just coming out of a storm. He had all the makings of “the guy.” The relationship if you can call it that took off like a whirlwind but each time we got close, he took 10 steps back. I noticed the hesitation and put it down to fear because I was feeling the same thing. The problem was I was willing to settle for crumbs knowing full well that they were crumbs because I was coming from a place of lack myself. Having just lost a special someone, I was looking for a relationship. It was a perfect meeting of the minds. The only problem, it wasn’t enough and I knew what a good relationship should look like. This one was sorely lacking but I put up with the charade.
“Life is too short for half-hearted connections and meaningless run-throughs.” Unknown
Low-effort men do not invest in you because they can’t. They find it easy to walk away and take up with someone new in a matter of days or more specifically even before the relationship has ended because their emotions don’t run very deep and hurting someone is part and parcel of how they operate. It is a place where nothing affects them because their heart is under lock and key. A no man’s land or rather a no woman’s land as far as they are concerned. So why even be out there? I guess everyone needs love and if you hurt someone along the way what’s the big deal, right? The problem is, it is a big deal to the person who gets hurt in the process.
“Never put them first, if you always come last. Never give your all, if you only get half.” Unknown
If you’ve read my article, “Dating No-Gooders,” you’ll know that they are out there along with all the others that give “dating” a bad name. One false move will get you to where you don’t want to be. If you’re looking for Mr. Right, know that it is a dangerous world out there so step lightly. If he’s unavailable and shows the signs from the get go, leave him alone and move on. Some people cannot love you the way you want to be loved AND you’re too valuable to settle for anything less or for half-hearted connections.
How do you know if he’s emotionally available? According to singleover30.net, here are some signs to look out for.
If a man is present with you when he is with you, that’s a good sign.
This is not always true from my experience. The person I knew was all there when we spent time together and gave me the impression that he wasn’t shying away from anything but he was emotionally unavailable and hence the confusion.
He is comfortable talking about his feelings.
He is willing to talk about the progression of the relationship.
He won’t waste your time with half-hearted promises.
It comes from having lived in Asia for many years and from having traveled around the world. There are many superstitions that people around the world believe in and not of the mundane kind either! A black cat crossing in front of you is said to bring bad luck but the kind I have come across blows that assumption away!
The Asians have this thing about leaving your shoes outside when you go into someone’s house. It is said to bring whatever that has latched on to you into the house! Washing your feet after visiting a graveyard is another one. This is so you don’t bring any spirits into your home. I still do that as a precaution! Or the idea of burning paper money, houses, servants and whatever so that the dead have all of those things in the afterlife may seem bizarre but it is done in certain parts of the world. How about this one? The richer you are, the longer the family and relatives mourn your demise with music, singing, food and whatnots right in front of the coffin to show respect and to show how well to do you are or they are and this is done for a week or longer!
These are just the tip of the iceberg. I’ve picked up plenty along the way. Some say I am very supertitious and maybe I am. Besides washing my feet before coming into the house after a graveyard visit, I throw salt over my shoulder to ward off bad spirits and to bring good luck. I don’t do any cleaning on New Year’s day because you may sweep or vacuum “luck” away! I don’t open an umbrella inside the house because it is said to rain bad luck on you and bad luck happens in threes! There are plenty more but it’s too early in the morning to drum them all up.
I wouldn’t say “supertitious” is my middle name but pretty close!
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