lessons – Page 2 – Site Title

Accepting Changes

I hate changes and it has never been my strong suit. However, life has decided to give me more than my share of changes to show me it is needed and that nothing ever stands still for long. I am learning to roll with the punches and also learning to stand back up stronger than before. I think the sooner we learn that life is all about changes, the better off we’ll be. I am learning to accept the changes, so life let’s take a pause so I can come up for air before I have to accept another change!

Here are some beautiful quotes that will help you to accept changes for what they are, just a part of life and its idiosyncrasies.

“Embrace uncertainty. Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won’t have a title until much later.” Unknown

Can’t wait to see what those titles will be. Survivor perhaps?

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Socrates

“Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.” Cherokee Proverb

“The price of doing the same old thing is far higher than the price of change.” Bill Clinton

“Life is like a GPS, it will reroute you when you least expect it, just sit back and enjoy the ride.” Unknown

Oh Gawd!! I don’t like that one too much.

“Change is not merely necessary to life, it is life.” Alvia Toffler

I need a little more time for this to sink in.

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” Unknown

This one has sunk in. I am on my way but slowly!

“Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.” Michael Jordan

I think I am one of those people.

I like this one the best.

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” W.C. Fields

Oh gawd, I see another change coming on and another lesson to learn! I was only kidding with that last one. Take it easy and CHILL!

Fragments of Yesterday

“And then, just like that, my heart broke. My face crumpled, my composure went and I held him tightly and I stopped caring that he could feel the shudder of my sobbing body because grief swamped me. It overwhelmed me and tore at my heart and my stomach and my head and it pulled me under, and I couldn’t bear it. I honestly thought I couldn’t bear it.” Jojo Moyes

That last line held me in its grip and I went along for the ride for as long as it took. “I couldn’t bear it,” was my mantra when the dream splintered into a thousand pieces and lay in fragments at my feet. “This couldn’t be happening to me!” was my other cry but none of that mattered because the end had arrived and there was no going back to what was.

Cheating is one of the most despicable things one human being can do to another. If truth be told, it happens all the time. It has become a norm in this easy come, easy go world of ours. When it happens, you find yourself going under, and in my case I lost my best friend, a long-time life partner I had known and trusted for a long time. The aftermath is hard to describe. I went from a confident woman to someone I didn’t recognize anymore. There was sadness and of course tears but that line, “I couldn’t bear it,” was the slogan that kept me in the hole that someone else had dug for me.

However, let me tell you, YOU are fully capable of bearing it! It may seem like all is lost and you may feel like you’re looking at absolute darkness but I assure you that you’ll find your way into the light as I did. It took courage, strength, forgiving yourself for what wasn’t your fault and to slowly rise again. Rise again you must because you have no other choice! Let me also tell you that you are enough and those “fragments” of a shattered heart will learn to mend itself. You will learn to look at love and life through different glasses and the next time around when love walks in, you will know better.

“Over the years, confusing fragments, lost corners of stories, have a clearer meaning when seen in a new light, a different place.” Michael Ondaatje

I’ve changed from that young and trusting person I used to be. I thought love once yours would remain forever. I gave my trust to a man who had vowed to me forever, had called me the love of his life and because best friends don’t hurt each other, I had thought we would make it to the very end. Wrong!

However, I can’t change what I want.

“And that was the cause of my heartache. I wanted everything or nothing at all. I’m not impressed by bits, parts, or almost. I’m a seeker of that which is whole, full, and complete. Completely mine or completely not.” Unknown

If that is in the cards for me is left to be seen. Only time will tell. You can overcome the insurmountable and even though you will carry those scars for a lifetime, you are built to survive. You are strong, you are resilient and you are beautiful. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror after it happened. I felt UGLY! It took time to overcome that as well.

Cheating causes emotional turmoil, mental health issues, a trust deficit, low self-esteem and sometimes PTSD-like symptoms. Sounds daunting doesn’t it? IT IS! However, the YOU within is capable of overcoming pain and resilient enough to overcome the challenges that it entails.

“You’re not broken. You’re just becoming. Unfolding slowly – like petals in spring. Give yourself time. ”

AND

“What sticks to memory, often are those odd little fragments that have no beginning and no end….” Tim OBrien

Be kind to yourself, love yourself, build yourself up and learn that those “fragments” which were part of your yesterday can help you towards a better tomorrow. Here’s the thing, YOU CAN BEAR IT!

Have an amazing day.

Human Nature

What is human nature? One explanation refers to “the fundamental characteristics, ways of thinking, feeling, and acting that are generally considered to be inherent to human beings.” One can say we are pre-programmed to act in a certain way when faced with certain situations but nurture and social experiences do play a part in shaping individual behaviors as to how we react to certain outside stimuli.

Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter.

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity and I ‘m not sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein

“It is human nature to think wisely and act in an absurd fashion.” Anatole France

I totally agree with this assumption. Been there and done that many times over!

“Human nature is deeply ingrained despite our best efforts difficult to change.” Unknown

This one shines the spotlight on the problem itself. Stupidity and stubbornness sometimes or often go hand-in-hand making it a lose-lose situation.

“It’s human nature to remember only what you want to remember and forget what you want to forget, or transform it into a different story.” Unknown

We are all good storytellers so I definitely agree with the transformation part so much so to our own detriment.

“I hate it when people argue in public and I’ve missed the beginning so I don’t know whose side I’m on.” Unknown

This too is human nature.

“People will question all the good things they hear about you but believe all the bad without a second thought.” Unknown

Human nature at its best?

“I chose the road less traveled and now I don’t know where I am.” Unknown

ME TOO!

“Even if you give them everything that they ask for, it’ll never be enough.” Unknown

Are we talking about men here?

Finally….

THE LAWS OF HUMAN NATURE

“You are not a pawn in a game controlled by others; you are an active player who can move the pieces at will and even rewrite the rules.” Robert Greene

There you go. You are not stuck where you are and you have the ability to change your life. You just need to start moving in the right direction. What about human nature? Tell it to take a hike!

Have an amazing day.

Springtime Magic!

“Spring is the time when the world is filled with magic and everything feels possible.” Unknown

I’m down with a cold and it is not a good thing. I hate being sick so staying in bed and watching mindless “Reality TV” is not my thing either and neither is downing hot soup spiked with chili! A small trick my mom taught me as a young girl and mom had magic in her fingertips! She would fix me a hot steaming bowl of chicken noodle soup with loads of chili in it, then she would wrap me in a blanket and leave me to dehydrate! Hours later, I would be up and about feeling much better. I’ve got news for you mom, it’s not working now!

Anyway, I’m taking the less drastic route. Just some tea, lots of fruit and giving my system lots of time to recuperate. Is it working? Let’s wait and see. Coming back to the topic at hand, it is spring and it is blooming flowers! The sun is shining and I’m sitting out back with a cup of coffee and taking it all in. It is a time when “the earth laughs in flowers.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don’t have a huge garden, it is big enough to grow stuff in and small enough to keep things in order. I can see it needs work. Winter has left its mark and the dried leaves and twigs need to be swept up and room needs to be made for the “new” to creep in. The tulips are in bloom and their beautiful colorful heads are swaying in the light breeze. The medium-sized tree is full of wonderful white blossoms but for the life of me, I can’t recall what it is called. I know that if you sit out back when early evening rolls around, the scent is mesmerizing. The huge Magnolia tree is in full bloom and its pink and white flowers are a sight to behold. The lone apple tree is greening and there are lots of pink and white buds on it. Perhaps, a bumper crop this year? Don’t hold your breath! This particular tree has a mind of its own. Last year, it teased with lots of flowers but the output was next to nothing. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it will do better this year. However, the thing that blew my mind this morning is the cherry tree. I’ve been keeping it trimmed so that it doesn’t get too out of control but it is taking it in stride. The tree is covered in white blossoms! More cherries than last year? Last year, I got two. They were firm and sweet but I’m hoping for more this year.

There is definitely magic in the air. The sky is a glorious blue, the sun is warming and the “flowering” tells me all things are possible where nature is concerned. What about from the human side? Unfortunately, that needs a little more work but “magic” is contagious so I’m hoping it is catching! Time for another cup of tea before I crawl back into bed!

“Your mind is a garden, your thoughts are the seeds, you can grow flowers……or weeds.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Dating Loopholes (Archives)

Everyone knows that being out there in the dating scene is hard and not always an easy path to navigate. Not only is it filled with unknowns but meeting the right guy is made harder by the following characters who give ‘love’ a bad name.

The Scammers

If you’ve never met them, consider yourself lucky. Some of us are not that fortunate. They come across as ‘nice guys’ who had faced some form of tragedy in their lives. It is usually the loss of a loved one through an accident or illness. They often have a child they are raising alone and are usually well-heeled (or so they say) meaning they have BIG jobs and money to throw out the window. Here’s where it starts getting iffy. They fall in love immediately without having met you and they want to spend the rest of their lives with you. At some point they will hit you up for cash. It could come as a medical emergency, an oil-rig disaster or something as simple as leaving their credit card at home. Play it smart and give these losers a wide berth. The only thing they’re interested in is your hard-earned cash and nothing more.

The Volatile Type

This loose cannon should be in anger management training but he’s out there, more like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. At first glance a regular guy, but on closer inspection, a bomb waiting to explode. It doesn’t take but the slightest nudge and he’s off and running spewing volcanic ash in his wake. Here again, keep your distance and DO NOT ENGAGE! You’ll be in a losing battle if you do.

The Egomaniac

An egomaniac is “someone who thinks only of themselves and does not care if they harm other people in order to get what they want.” He usually walks in like he has the world at his feet and thinks it is all about him. Beautiful women are his target but he’ll settle for less if they’ll spruce up his ego in return. He thinks the world of himself and his over-inflated ego is his best buddy. Together they’re an unbeatable team so stay away if you want to walk away with your heart intact.

The Sugar Daddies (aka Sugar Grand Daddy)

I’m sure you’ve heard of Sugar Daddies, they are defined as “a rich, older man who gives money, gifts, etc., to someone (such as a young woman) in exchange for sex, friendship, etc.” They’re out there but I’m talking about the new breed of old men. They’re are in their 80’s and looking for the last “Hurrah!” They want much younger women or YOUNGER-looking women and they’re up front by saying, “I don’t want the ‘Grandma’ types. They are like J. Howard Marshall looking for their Anna Nicole Smith types or Rupert Murdoch, where young, beautiful, and nothing up there will do. The problem with these types is that in actuality they’re looking for a nurse to take them to the end of the road. They don’t like being alone, no one does, so they’re in a rush to batten down the hatches before it is too late. Money is no problem and if a few wrinkles and loose skin get in the way, so what is their motto. Be very clear about what you’re getting into. Most times, they have children who are waiting in the fringes ready to pounce when ‘daddy’ dearest says goodbye so it may not always go as planned, if you’re waiting for that big pay day which might never come. It’s not always a win-win situation with these guys.

There you have it, four more types to watch out for. Dating is not for the weak of heart and neither can you go in with your eyes closed. It takes ‘smarts’ to find the right guy and chutzpah to wiggle your way out if he turns out to be the wrong one. Stay safe.

“If dating a wrong person was a talent, I would be at Paris Olympics representing my country.” Unknown

Update:

I’m still looking for the needle in the haystack but currently taking a break from the dating scene to go within and to find out why I keep making the same mistakes like falling for the wrong types. I am finding some answers but clarity is not there yet. So until I do, dating is on the backburner.

The Wrong Guy (Archives)

He’s the wrong guy if he does some or all of the things below. There are reasons why he’s the wrong guy so pay attention to your heart and listen to your intuition. It has your best interest at heart. The following quotes clearly speak to the heart of the matter.

“So many girls fall in love with the wrong guy simply because the wrong guy usually says all the right things.” Unknown

“The wrong man will always find reasons to leave. While, the right man will always find enough reasons to stay.” Unknown

“The wrong person makes you beg for attention, affection, love and commitment. The right person gives you these things because they love you.” Unknown

“The right attention from the wrong guy during a lonely time could fool you into thinking he might be the one.” Unknown

Loneliness creates dire circumstances and this is one of them. Finding our way to the wrong guy is made so much easier when loneliness steps in.

“Don’t settle. It’s better to face a little loneliness now than a lifetime of loneliness with the wrong person.” Mandy Hale

“When it’s the wrong person, anything you ask is too much.” Steve Maraboli

“At your absolute best, you still won’t be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right person.” Unknown

Pay special attention to this one because with the wrong guy, it is never enough. Nothing you do will be enough and he’ll find excuses for why that is so. It is not you, it is him.

“Never let the wrong man waste your time and precious energy.” Unknown

If he’s the right one, he’ll find his way to you. If he’s not, he’ll be gone in a blinding minute. Sit up and take notice before it’s too late. The wrong guy is not your destiny but rather he walks in to teach you a lesson. Love is not made up of moments spent together, IT IS moments treasured together and the wrong guy will just provide lip service with no substance to it and when it comes down to showing he cares, he’s nowhere to be found. The wrong guy will walk at a moment’s notice and will even tell you to leave while the right one will weather the storm and sometimes even walk you through that storm. Wait for that person and do not settle for anything less than love, respect and commitment.

“Ladies, the right man for you will pursue you. Actively. He won’t leave you wondering whether he’s into you or not.” Mandy Hale

AND

If you want to find happiness, stay the hell away from a**holes! This is something I have to drill into my head as well.

Have an amazing day.

This Moment in Time

If you think about it, this moment in time is all we have. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is looming somewhere in the distance but today, more specifically, this very moment is where we exist.

“We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.” Bill Waterson

Are you in a safe place? Are you protected? Are you at peace? These are things which matter.

I overthink and it is mostly about the past and then I jump to the future. It is an erratic pattern of thoughts and I am well aware of what I’m doing but still I persist. Last night, I decided to reel in all my jumbled up thoughts because they were causing another sleepless night and then started looking at each one individually and realized that I was dabbling in things I cannot change. The past is done with and the future is unknown. I looked at the moment I was in and realized I was safe, I was warm and I had a roof over my head. I had Chachi, the cat, cuddled up next to me and the world, for the here and now, was a peaceful place. I stayed there for awhile and like a lullaby, it rocked me to sleep.

The moments count. They define our psyche and being in several places in one time does not help matters much. Having one foot in the past and one in the future is not going to do it. Stay in the here and now. What are you doing now? It matters. Trying to put the past, the future and everything else in one basket is a sure fire way to disaster. Sort it out. Make peace with the past, learn the lessons you need to learn and then close the door behind you. The future will be determined by what you do today. Give it loving care, your attention, and maybe, just maybe a brighter tomorrow is around the corner. We can only hope.

Why is being in the present moment so important?

According to powerfullyyou.org, “it can decrease the activities of your nervous system, reduce stress, and help you to feel more regulated.” Tony Robbins says, “it allows you to focus all of your energy on the task at hand.” He further adds, “where focus goes, energy flows.”

Easier said than done? I agree. My mind loves jumping around. It’s like a “monkey” which loves to climb, run, twist and do whatever is necessary to keep me from the task at hand and it often succeeds. It is going to take lots of practice before the “monkey” learns to behave! There is still hope.

Have an amazing day.

Chachi Talk

Chachi, the cat, has been feeling down in the dumps for the last couple of days. His girlfriend, “The Girl from Ipanema” has disappeared and I think he misses her. The village “runaround” has been a no show for over a week so I decided to have a heart to heart or rather human to fur ball talk.

ME: Let’s talk Peaches. Tell me what’s wrong.

CHACHI: Peaches? Cookie Dough? Buttercup? Lovey? Mom, you’ve got to treat me like the “man” I am!

ME: I’m sorry Chachi. I’ll try better.

CHACHI: What kind of name is Chachi anyway? Einstein is a good one and Christopher Columbus even better!

Little Macho was in his element now!

ME: Alright Einstein it is. Suits you well I must say. You’re one smart little cookie!

EINSTEIN: There you go again! Cookie?!! While we’re at it, stop manhandling me! The kisses are a little too much and picking me up every chance you get is a no go either!

ME: I’m sorry. I’ll cut back on the kisses and I’ll try not to pick you up no matter how cute you look!

EINSTEIN: Now, we’re getting somewhere! I like this “talk” thing. One more thing since I’m the only cat, you need to play with me a little more.

ME: I promise I will or at least make time for you.

EINSTEIN: Another important thing. Stop bringing those creeps around! You don’t need them, you’ve got me. I don’t like that “Cheesecake” guy and I don’t like how he looks at you! The last time he was here, I zeroed in on him and I think he got the message!

ME: Anything else?

EINSTEIN: Talking was great. It went well don’t you think?

ME: Glad you think it did.

NOTE TO SELF: You need to reel this little macho in. He’s getting too big for his britches!

Contrasts

“To me, a rich and satisfying life means one full of contrast. Give me sleep ins. And soft rains. Coffee shops and conversation. But also adrenaline and adventure. And drunken bellows to the stars. I am determined to embrace this extravagant life for all that it has to offer.” Beau Taplin

It wasn’t a great day for a walk, grey clouds were gathering and as promised rain was on the way. What a difference a day makes, weather-wise. Yesterday it was picture perfect, warm and absolutely mesmerizing but today it had turned tables and was ready to show another side, a grey and wet one. There was no beauty to speak off as I trudged nonchalantly through the muddy and leaf-strewn path heading for the forest line. Oh, but I was wrong for I had only to open my mind and my senses to see the contrasts between a beautiful day and a bad one. To my surprise, each had its own brand of beauty if only I wasn’t so quick to pass judgement.

The not so subtle rustling of the leaves caught in the interplay of wind and absolute silence was balm for my anxious soul. I needed peace but somehow it was missing today. Glancing into the forest, I noticed that it was quiet, too quiet. The trees were tight-knit and hidden in shadows of its own making echoing the onslaught of rain that was to come. I usually don’t like walking close to the forest because a feeling of unease usually envelops me and my senses are usually on high alert as it was today. There was no room to relax. I walked on in silence and in the distance, the hoot of an owl could be heard. I welcomed the distraction and made my way to the stream. It’s gorgeous in spring, its banks overflowing with golden daffodils but today it droned on in silence, devoid of color as it made its way to the pond where the storks gather. Today, there was not one stork to be seen. They too had gone hiding from the oncoming force of nature. Standing at the tiny wooden bridge, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It was peaceful but the unease was still there. Enclosed spaces are not my cup of tea and neither are deep dark forests. I moved on, got back on the path and made it to the fields.

My mind began to relax as I took in the wild open spaces before me. I was free again and standing at the bottom of the hill as I took in the panoramic view. It was grandiose even through there was no sun to speak of, only a light purple haze enveloping the distant mountains. It was beautiful just the same. Just a different kind of beautiful.

Contrasts are necessary to show the light and dark aspects of life and today nature decided to show my jaded mind, come rain or sunshine, there is always something beautiful about each aspect if only I would open my mind to it and embrace it with open arms to reap the full benefits. The rest of the walk was uneventful, an ordinary walk but my mind knew that if I kept my eyes peeled, I would capture the extraordinary. It was just a matter of time and if nature was willing to throw it my way. As the first droplets of rain hit the muddy path, I pulled my jacket tighter around me and ran back home leaving nature to do what it does best.

The ebb and flow of life was at work and who was I a mere mortal to question the order of the day or how it was brought about to life. Just accept and enjoy was the message and I bowed my head to its all-knowing wisdom. I was at peace.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY

WHY?

I had an interesting discussion with a girlfriend yesterday and it all centered around the question WHY. She wanted to know “why” things happen the way they do but more specifically “why” the people who do bad things are living their best lives. It’s a question, I ask myself as well.

It seems and I place the emphasis on “it seems” that those who go out there and wreck havoc in other people’s lives, more knowingly than not knowingly seem to walk off into the sunset with no consequences whatsoever.

Looking at my own life, I’ve seen it happen many times over. My ex cheated on me and left me holding a bag of broken dreams. It was painful, heart-wrenching and it took a very long time for me to place my trust in anyone and I still don’t. Did he pay a price for what he did? It “seems” like he’s living his best life. He’s bought himself a big house, surrounds himself with luxury items and has a new woman to boot, a redhead no less. Not the same redhead he cheated with but another replacement. He must love redheads, I’m dark-haired. Moving on….What about what he did to me? Why is he living his best life? More specifically, why is he being rewarded for all the asinine things he did including his bad behavior? Those are my questions. Any answers?

It will come says “karma” very smugly.

I’ve met several more of the same loser types on the path of my relationship building focus. Like a heat seeking missile, I gravitate towards the same no good types. So called “nice guy” types with a penchant for lying and cheating. Why? Is there something pre-programmed within me that seeks a special kind of pain? The kind that surrounds me each time my heart breaks into pieces? I tell myself that this time it’s going to be different but each time when it happens, I ask why? Why do I always wind up with almost the same types and why can’t I get rewarded for a change for being the good girl? Why are these no-good, two-timing individuals (for lack of a better word!) not being held accountable for what they did?

Again, Karma whispers, “You need to wait your turn. I can only do so much and there are too many of them!”

My message to Karma: “Can you get some help please and get this process moving along? It’s taking too long!”

I know of someone who cheated on his wife and walked off at the drop of a coin and took up with someone new. He called her his soulmate. How can someone else’s wife be your soulmate? Just saying. Anyway, a long time later, his second wife had an accident and died from her injuries. Karmic retribution of the worst kind? If so, it took a long time coming. He still howls to the moon about the unfairness of it all but doesn’t see the pain he caused and his hand in what happened. Did he get what he deserved? More specifically, did he learn his lesson?

Is there a force out there that keeps tabs on all the wrongs we do and the pain caused to others? If so, the question “why” from my girlfriend will be answered at some point in time when the Piper comes calling and it’s time to pay the price. The message is clear, ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING. Karma is a b**ch and it collects when the time is right.

“When it rains, look for RAINBOWS. When it’s dark, look for STARS.” Unknown

Either way you’ll come out on top if you do.

Have an amazing day.