life lessons – Page 2

Change Your Strategy

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“Failure is hard. But turn those failures into learning experiences, so that you’ll look back and be happy that you failed, because you gained more knowledge from that experience. Sometimes, it’s simply an indication to change your strategy instead of giving up completely.” Albert Rogers

“Change your strategy” is often used in the business world to place emphasis on a module that is not working so it’s time to regroup and refocus your energy into bringing in new options to make whatever is not working into a workable one. This concept works in real-life as well. If something doesn’t work, change it. Seems like a great idea at first glance but hard to put into action if you love the ‘plan’ you’ve put into action and and are dead set against changing it. If you’re someone who doesn’t like change like yours truly here, it is a concept that is hard to comprehend let alone to work with.

“Waiting for something outside you to change before you change is a broken strategy. Fix it by deciding to be someone different and do something different. Transformation happens from the inside out if you take action.” Unknown

Taking that into account, it seems like the most sensible way to go about changing failure into a success story. The problem is you must want to. It’s not going to work any other way. Pinpoint the problem, refocus your energy, find ways to take a failure and change it into a winning solution and put it into action. If you think you’re doing everything right and you still don’t understand why you’re failing then it’s time to really look at what you’re doing and find a different way of doing it. There’s more than one way to skin a cat as the euphemism goes and no matter how offensive that might be, being a cat lover myself, it just means there are other ways of doing something. Don’t get stuck in a rut. Be open to change and change your strategy. However, there are times when you can do everything possible until you’re blue in the face and still the same old failure concept comes knocking at your door and if that’s the case, do not despair. You’ll get there, just keep trying.

Learn to roll with the punches, keep getting back up when life knocks you down and never ever give up.

“When you face failures, don’t change your goal, change your strategy.” Vivek Bindra

I’ve experienced life in all its wonderful and not so wonderful facets and the one that I hate or hated the most was change. My motto was, “Why fix something if it ain’t broke.” The actual thought behind that was, “I like where I’m at, good or bad and change is for the birds!” It took years of resistance, falling down, refusing to get back up and digging my heels in AND screaming, “Leave me alone!” to realize that change is an integral part of life. It teaches us in a not so nice way that it’s needed, falling makes you gain experience and you learn that YOU are not God. So move along, embrace change before it’s too late. I learned it the hard way and I still bristle when I see ‘change’ coming around but these days I’m ready to embrace it, learn what it has to offer and to accept it for what it is. A lesson learned because it has to be learned.

“Failure is nothing more than a chance to revise your strategy.” Unknown

Oops! I’ve got to run. I see ‘change’ approaching wearing a smile on its face and with bells clanging and I’m not in the mood for it today. Just kidding.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY.

Let It Go

Letting go is one of the hardest lessons to learn in life. Holding on is somehow innately built into the human system and we are wired to hold on when things go wrong. At least, that is the case with me. If only I had the ability to “let go” when I knew that there was no point in holding on. Life would be so much easier right? Knowing that doesn’t make it any easier. I am an overthinker, an overachiever and a hold on with a death grip type of person. At times I am well aware that the ship has set sail and is out of sight but I keep looking longingly out to sea hoping it would return and everything would be alright but most times, it never does and still I refuse to let go.

“One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Whether it’s guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go.” Unknown

The hard thing about letting go is the fear factor. The unknown is always scary. We tend to fixate on what was instead of realizing that it is done with, a thing of the past and it’s time to move on. The pieces remain of what once was, be it a lesson learned or pieces to build a future with but only if we stop looking at that closed door and turn towards the one that is open BUT going through it is like leading a horse to water but making it drink is another story altogether.

Shannon Alder says:

“Forget what hurt you but NEVER forget what it taught you.”

If only it was that easy. Speaking from experience and being the proverbial holder on, I know that there were times when I dug in my heels and refused to budge because it was what was behind that closed door that I wanted. It didn’t matter that it was bad for me and it didn’t matter that it was gone, water under the bridge so to speak and still I held on for dear life. I cried a waterfall when I could have saved those tears if only I had taken the first step to go through that open door. Freedom comes in letting go which in turn gives you the ability to fly because nothing is weighing you down anymore. I am learning not to stay in one place too long, to look back and to gather the lessons I have learned and when the time is right to keep moving forward. Life is for living, not just existing and being stuck in one place is an absolute no go. It is in moving forward that you learn the power of letting go, the power of living again.

“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.” Oprah Winfrey

LET GO!

Have an amazing day.

Finding Yourself

“Finding yourself” is not really how it works. You aren’t a ten dollar bill in last winter’s coat pocket. You are also not lost. Your true self is right there, buried under cultural conditioning, other people’s opinions, and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a child and adult that became your beliefs about who you are. “Finding yourself” is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning, an excavation of remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you. Unknown

I love this quote because it speaks to the truth of the matter. Quite often we ask who am I? How do I find myself again? These questions often arise after an especially hard or traumatic time and you are feeling lost. Feeling lost and not seeing a clear path ahead is normal, all of us go through it at one point or another. However, staying lost in a jungle of emotions for long periods of time is concerning and needs looking into.

Cultural conditioning does play a big part in how you see yourself. “It’s your upbringing!” I’m sure you’ve heard that one before, I have. I equate the way I react to certain things to my rigid Christian upbringing. Even though I bucked at all the rules and regulations, I couldn’t get away from my conditioning as a young Christian girl. You can take the girl out of that environment but you can’t take the deeply ingrained teachings out of the girl. So it was and is with me.

People’s opinions is a powerful tool indeed. There are good, not so good and extremely biased ones and they can help to build or tear you down. Opinions are a dime a dozen but when used as a weapon, they have the potential to hurt and to fashion your outlook on life and yourself. If you are faced with constant negative feedback, you become conditioned to expect more of the same. It’s the same for positive feedback and so people do have a hold on how you see the world. It’s easy to say let it roll off your back but some of those opinions can make or break you and that is the problem.

In the dating world, you come across many different types of men. The ones who make my skin crawl are the ones who expect “something” from the get go. By Date 3, you get the feeling that you’re expected to put out or else you are “COMPLICATED!” Heard that one before? That is an opinion purely designed to make you feel like there is something totally wrong with you if you don’t. I don’t “put out” so I’ve heard that term applied to yours truly many times over. Each time I squirm when I hear it. Two days ago a friend showed up at my door. Friend to me but he’s on another track altogether. First words out of his mouth, “Why don’t you take me upstairs?” And when he saw the look on my face he went on to add, “YOU ARE COMPLICATED!” This time around I didn’t take it sitting down. “Listen, just because you can’t get what you want does not mean I’m complicated. Besides, I’m not accepting your viewpoint of me!”

He didn’t see that one coming. He gulped like a goldfish out of water and before he could say another word, I showed him the door. The moral of this story is, you alone decide which opinions get to you, which ones you keep and which ones you throw out the door! Life is simpler that way. The power is in your hands and yes at times you have to grow a thick skin.

Inaccurate conclusions arising from what you’ve faced through your journey is another one that will make you question your self-worth and who you are as a person. Those inaccurate conclusions can be changed. It is up to you to change how you feel about yourself but only you can do that. Finding yourself takes work and it is a journey of self-discovery and self-awareness.

According to psychologytoday.com, it is a crucial step because it is the key to living a fulfilling and authentic life. Reflect on your life experiences, both positive and negative ones. What have you learned from them? How have they shaped you? Embrace your strengths, accept your weaknesses and show up in the world as your genuine self.

LEARN TO FLY AGAIN.

Valentine’s Day Story

It is here. The day when love is celebrated with hearts, kisses, roses and lots of love. It falls annually on February 14th and there is a frenzied rush to show that certain someone special just how wonderful they are. What about the other days? Well, it goes without saying. Just a normal day with no Schnickschnack involved. This too is love and it takes many forms.

Coming back to the Valentine’s Day Story.

Valentine’s Day often makes us think about hearts, chocolates, and romance — but some of the most meaningful love stories are about friendship, kindness, and showing up for one another when it matters most.

That’s exactly what The Excellent Adventures of Honey and Hubie celebrates.

At its core, this story isn’t about grand gestures or perfect heroes. It’s about Honey, a miniature greyhound who must find courage she didn’t know she had, and Hubie, a bold little frog who proves that friendship doesn’t always come in expected forms. Together, they explore a whimsical world filled with surprises, gentle humor, and moments that quietly remind us what love really looks like.

What makes this book such a lovely Valentine’s Day read is how naturally its message unfolds. Honey and Hubie don’t set out to teach lessons — they simply care about each other. They listen, they help, they face fears side by side. And in doing so, they show young readers that love isn’t always loud or dramatic. Sometimes, it’s just being brave enough to take the next step when someone believes in you.

For children, it’s a story about friendship and courage. For parents and teachers, it’s a reminder that stories can nurture empathy, imagination, and emotional growth — all without preaching.

This Valentine’s Day, The Excellent Adventures of Honey and Hubie is a beautiful choice for sharing a quieter kind of love: the love of friendship, loyalty, and believing in one another — even when the path ahead feels uncertain.

Because the best adventures, just like the best kinds of love, are the ones we don’t take alone.

The Excellent Adventures of Honey and Hubie by T. J. Mueller

Available on Amazon

REAL LOVE

“The difference between real love and fake love is this. Real love is so quick to resume its original shape after being stretched and expanded always to recover no matter what it endures.

Fake love is brittle, it breaks over even the simplest of things.” Unknown

If you are searching for love as I am, it is important to know the difference between the two. Real love takes time to cultivate, it’s not WHAM! BAM! and you’re in love. Some people may believe this is the case or rather they call it love at first sight. I had a few of those in my younger days but now that I’m older and wiser those butterflies in my stomach do not flutter like they used to.

These days I am a critic of the worst kind where love is concerned. If you thought Sherlock Holmes was good, I am better. I tell myself I am looking for true love, the kind that lasts a lifetime so playing detective to the hilt falls into the realm of weeding out the “fakes” to get at that one true love.

Fakes they are aplenty. They come out of the woodwork when you least expect it and in a blink of an eye, they’re in love and want to take it to the next level. The problem is if they winked at you once, they’ll wink twice at someone else. They’re prone to take it way past the winking stage if you know what I mean. They’ll love you so long as it is convenient for them but they’ll just as quickly run off to greener pastures when the opportunity presents itself. Dependable they are not and short-term is the name of the game. They’ll break your heart in a minute and move on without looking back and leave you to hold the remnants of your heart in your hands and wondering what happened. Don’t bother questioning why? Just know you want better.

The “real” ones don’t come out to play, well not often anyway. They’re the ones with integrity, self-worth, honesty and they stand their ground when it comes to love. They’re not wishy-washy but unfortunately there are not many of them to go around unlike the other kind, they’re a dime a dozen.

Needless to say, I’m holding out for “real” love. If it takes time, so be it. However, universe if you are listening, I ask that you bring him sooner than later, at least before the butterflies are totally dead in my stomach!

I’m not going to say I hope because according to a certain life coach this has a negative connotation and will bring more of the same. I’m going to say, I KNOW it will happen. Fingers crossed!

Valentine’s Day Story

It is on the way. The day when love is celebrated with hearts, kisses, roses and lots of love. It falls annually on February 14th and there is a frenzied rush to show that certain someone special just how wonderful they are. What about the other days? Well, it goes without saying. Just a normal day with no Schnickschnack involved. This too is love and it takes many forms.

Coming back to the Valentine’s Day Story.

That’s exactly what The Excellent Adventures of Honey and Hubie celebrates.

For children, it’s a story about friendship and courage. For parents and teachers, it’s a reminder that stories can nurture empathy, imagination, and emotional growth — all without preaching.

Because the best adventures, just like the best kinds of love, are the ones we don’t take alone.

The Excellent Adventures of Honey and Hubie by T. J. Mueller

Available on Amazon

The Little Big Voice

We’ve all heard it whenever we do something wrong, or think we have done something wrong. We hear it when we take a fall, when we fail or when we know it is wrong and still do it only to find out that it was the wrong thing to do. It is at these times that the “inner critic” within is the loudest.

It yells, “Are you stupid? Why did you do that?”

It shouts, “You knew better but YOU still had to do that! WHY?”

“Your inner critic is the voice of your fear with a megaphone.” Unknown

There are other such moments but you get the picture. According to http://www.imermelbpsychology.com.au., your inner critic is that voice in your head that has a cold, demanding, harsh, punishing or mean quality to it,” and if you look deeper or further, “It is usually experienced as an inner voice attacking a person, saying that they are bad, wrong, inadequate, worthless, guilty and so on.” wikipedia.org

It is not a nice little voice and sometimes it booms when it wants to be heard. It has a tendency to make you feel anxious and often it magnifies the bad and minimizes the good in our lives. However, the inner critic is not something you’re born with but it is developed during childhood when a child often hears harsh criticism from “parents, caretakers, teachers and peers,” and it can change the way the brain develops. When it is given constant reinforcement of such negativity it helps to internalize self-judgment and a critical stance of oneself. The unhealthy inner critic leans towards destructive criticism and it can produce feelings of shame, low self-esteem, depression, self-doubt and it can undermine your self-confidence.

“Your inner critic re-affirms untruths about yourself that you have internalized to be true.” Athena Laz

This little big voice is not your cheerleader but it is very adapt at giving you the constant thumbs-down whenever you question something you’ve done or have thought about. Instead of bolstering you up, it joins in to tear you down and dances to the tune with glee. It is also exhausting, demoralizing and tells you in its loudest voice that you are not enough.

“The negative self-talk from your inner critic can be soothed by increasing your self-compassion and self kindness.” @heytiffanyroe

According to jessicaabel.com, you can soften that harsh and demanding voice. “When you access your inner critic and give it space and self-compassion, it will be more likely to ease up on you. When we slow down, ask questions, and take a breath; when we stop and don’t try to overwhelm and undermine that voice, we’re likely to find a little bit of wisdom about something that needs to be healed.”

“Understanding how the critical inner voice has affected your actions and held you back from opportunities will open your eyes to the power you have given to your inner critic.” Usha Maharaj

Turning down the volume on all that criticism, sort of taking away that megaphone to hush that loud and critical voice is one way to do it. Slaying it is not the answer because a little bit of “inner critic” is a good thing. Letting it get out of hand is another thing altogether and learning to respond to it is a good thing as well. This takes a lot of practice because you have to switch from silencing your inner critic to listening to it with empathy. Recruit it and add it your team. That seems like a good idea because we can all use some extra help in building us up and I think it (the inner critic) wants to help but unlike your intuition which has your best interest at heart, this spoiled and often loud voice just needs some taming to make it work for you.

If all else fails, you can:

“Press the switch off button to your inner critic and start being awesome.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

The Dating World

I put a stop to dating towards the end of last year because I was up to my neck with meeting the no-good-two-timing types! All was nice and quiet in my world after that without the constant hassle of meeting one or the other of these types. Chachi, the cat, was perfectly fine with this decision. In fact, he went around the house carrying a banner that read, “I’m in heaven!”

Needless to say, I decided to give it another try. I put on my magnifying glasses and went through the parade of potentials all eager to meet the woman of their dreams! I was on the same boat. I wanted to meet that one special guy as well. Nope, I haven’t given up hope yet.

I had many invites but since I had my double-strength magnifying glasses on, nothing panned out. Okay, they were nice guys and I even had some conversations going with one or the other. However, I was not out of my recluse mode yet so I kept making excuses.

Then two days ago, I got an invite that blew me out of the water! It was from a tall, muscular guy and below the “Hello” was a pic of a blonde woman holding a champagne glass. She was nicely built and looked like she had been around the block several times, if you know what I mean. If you don’t, it doesn’t matter. So, he wrote me an epistle introducing himself and his partner, the blonde woman. They were looking for a third party to join in their festivities and if that wasn’t enough, he wanted to add their “sweet” dog into the mix for added fun!

I’m straight as an arrow and at first, I didn’t know what he was talking about. After reading it through three times and still at a loss for words, I asked a friend and he explained it in his no-nonsense way. They were looking for a threesome! Not only that, the dog would be part and parcel of this adventure! Oh God! Why do I always run into such things?

All I want is this nice guy who will look at me like I’m manna from heaven and be satisfied with that! No go? Well, it seems like it is a no go. I kept my silence and hoped he would go away. However, I kept getting pics of this blonde woman showing off more skin than I thought was possible and attaching captions that read something like this. “I like you. I think you are pretty.”

Am I blushing? Absolutely. So, I put a stop to it but nicely. The “nice” part is where all my problems begin. Anyway, I explained that I was not into what they wanted and wished them all the best. Surprisingly, he was nice, wished me the same and I never heard from him again. Now, I would like to know what is with that DOG?!! I can tell you one thing, it is no Chachi. My little guy is as innocent as Peter Pan but this dog, well, it has been around the block as well! The poor thing.

Anyway, that was one fiasco. Then another one showed up. A well-heeled German who had made tons of money from real-estate. He loved spending half the year in Germany and the other half in Florida. He is currently in Florida enjoying winter and feeling LONELY. He found me and we talked. “I’m looking for that special someone to complete the picture.” Hmm….I guess he wanted the little woman who will do all his bidding. Last night, he called and invited me to come visit and to spend a week or two at his hacienda. Well, I mean his huge spacious house complete with a pool and a jacuzzi to boot! Where do I find these guys? Exactly my question.

I told him it was a no go. I’m not going to drop everything and go spend time with someone I hardly know. Guess what? If you don’t get what you want, it becomes more interesting. He is on the chase and I hate to say it but I’m a tough nut to crack and add a little “crazy” to that and you get the picture.

The dating world is a hard one. You don’t always get what you want and even though “kissing” frogs come into play and you keep your sights peeled for the one and only, you will have to wade through a lot more mud to get there, if you get there that is.

Sad, but true.

Have an amazing day.

Press Reset

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“Don’t forget power in resetting, on any given day…you are allowed to start over, if you feel like you’re going down the wrong path, RESET.” Reyna Biddy

When the sun goes down and you find yourself staring at another day ending and you realize that progress is not being made, hit the “RESET” button. You are not stuck even though it might feel that way at times but you have the power to change whatever it is you want to change in your life. You need the mindset, know what it is you’re after, hit “reset” meaning clear the slate and start over again. .

It is not that simple I know. In fact, it might be one of the hardest things you’ll have to do because changing your mindset is not easy and it is not simple either. Old habits die hard and sometimes they are hard to give up because there is comfort in hanging on to things that feel comfortable even if in reality they are not. Laziness, putting out the least effort possible and waiting for the world to reward you for nothing in particular is not going to work and it has never worked.

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” C. S. Lewis

It takes YOU to change your place in the world. Where you stand, how high or low you are in the grand scheme of things all depends on you but one thing is clear, progress needs hard work. It means falling down a few more times than you wanted to but always keeping your eyes on the prize. If you want that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you’ve got to go after it. It is human nature to want to make life simple but it has other plans for us. Life is about learning from your mistakes, saying “no” to easy and knowing that you’ve got to throw yourself into “hard” to make it happen. Falling down is part and parcel of this thing called life but standing back up and moving forward gives you another chance, another opportunity to reach your end goal. You need to be better and you need to set yourself apart from the ordinary to make it. Sparkles and sunshine sounds good but it is going to take grit and determination to get you there.

Hitting “reset” and doing the same old things over and over again is not going to do it either. You need to “refocus” to get things going again. If something is not working, focus on what it is and change it. Try different angles and attitudes and at some point you’ll get it right, at least I hope I will at some point in time. Until then, I’ll hit “reset” as many times as I need to and I’ll tell the “victim mentality” I carry around with me which keeps me from achieving my goals to hit the door as well!

So if you’re standing where I have been many many times before and watching the sun set on another fruitless day, hit “RESET.” Tomorrow is on its way, it’s a new day to work your magic on a blank slate and to have your name written there as a success story. It’s all up to you.

Reset, refocus, readjust, restart, as many times as you need to. JUST NEVER GIVE UP!” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Living Your Best Life

“Put yourself first on your priority list and watch your life get better.” Unknown

One interpretation of living your best life is to “live a life that makes you happy and also one that allows you to live your full potential.” quora.com

Concentrating on yourself is of the utmost importance. If you want to live your best life, put yourself first and foremost on that priority list. It starts with YOU and if you can get your act together everything else falls into place and even if it doesn’t, give it time to right itself out. In the meantime you’re standing where you should be and that is at the top of your list.

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” Unknown

Each day do what is necessary to get yourself back on track. If you’re down on your knees, stand back up. If all you see is grey clouds and no sunshine, make your own sunshine. Put on a smile, get dressed and go out and shine! Never underestimate the power of a smile, it does wonders for your psyche and your soul. So make sure to wear one even if you don’t feel like it.

Talk to yourself. Tell yourself, “I love you!” Sounds crazy? Not really. Sometimes or rather more often than not, we forget the person we carry around with us. The special someone who stands by us through all our big and little moments of sadness, joy, heartbreak and everything else that goes to make up this life of ours. Show it some LOVE. I’ve started doing this practice of positive self-talk and I say, “I love you,” “I’m thankful for your support,” and “I’m grateful for all the things you do for me.” After I finish I give myself a hug, a make-believe one but a hug nonetheless. This has proved to be an absolute game changer and within a few minutes I feel calmer and “happiness” courses through my whole being. Not always but that is okay too.

Here’s another important point. If you want to live your best life, don’t beat yourself up. You’re beautiful as you are and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! We are our own worst enemy and I know I am. I often tell myself, “Your hair looks bad today!” Or that little spot on my face has taken gigantic proportions and is now staring back at me with a grin. Sometimes I say, “I just don’t like how I look!” I’m learning to tone down the rhetoric and to be kinder and gentler to myself. These days if someone says, “You look good,” I accept it wholeheartedly without resorting to, “but that’s not what I saw this morning as I looked in the mirror!” Vanity can be a downer at times but learning to accept yourself flaws and all is the way to go.

One Day It Clicks

“You realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself. You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you would never recover. And you smile. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.” Unknown

Go out and live your very best life and while you’re doing it don’t forget to have an amazing day!