I sang this one in church all the time as a young girl. Tomorrow is a dreadful day but I will be walking into that room with HIM by my side and my angel on the other! Elias Grace does this one perfectly, a little different but beautiful just the same.
Tag: life
The Day Before Armageddon!
It’s here, the day before I show up at the hospital ready to meet the team who will do what needs to be done. I HATE THIS! My bag is packed and being a female I am bringing more than I should. Probably, half the clothes and things I am bringing will not be needed but I’m female, hear me roar!
Yesterday was a tough one. I had to come to terms with the fact that this surgery is going to happen whether I want it to or not. The house has been cleaned, the trash taken out, and everything is spotless. I got the laundry done and met a girlfriend for coffee and breakfast. It was nice until a wasp or was it a bee decided to make its presence known. A sharp sting and I was in agony! I told the owner, who is Italian, that I just got stung by a bee! He laughed and said, “Your blood must be sweet!” We made a mad dash to the pharmacy because it was hurting like hell. After doling out 40 euros, I had a pen that felt hot when held against the sting and some gel to cool afterwards. She also told me to let the people at the hospital know about what happened. Sometimes, they will postpone the surgery!
Why are things going down south all the time? I don’t know but my girlfriend thinks it’s because I’ve decided to embrace “negativity” as my best friend! Anyway, it still hurts but postponing the surgery is just wishful thinking. I think it will take place as scheduled.
Then I met the cat sitter. A sweet girl who loves cats. However, she loved talking as well. An hour into the meeting, I had to cut it short. I handed over the house key and she will show up on Monday to take care of Chachi. The little guy knows that something is up. He has been eyeing me with a look that I can’t decipher. I think he knows something is coming up. Did I tell you he is sweet? He is adorable as well. I laid out my clothes on the bed before I went to take a shower and when I came back there was his favorite toy mouse with the innards hanging out laid carefully on my shirt! A token of love? Or is it like, “Mommy don’t send me away?” I don’t know but I bought him four more to make up for the one he has destroyed! I also wanted to make up for being away from him.
So here it is. My bags are packed and I am ready to go. I don’t want to do this but I have no choice. I will walk in hoping for the best and please don’t send me a Mr. Magoo to do the OP!
You won’t be hearing from me for however long it takes. I hope it won’t be too long.
Fingers, toes, and everything else crossed!
It’s Awfully Quiet!
I woke up this morning and something seemed off. There was no noise. The last three months or so, I have been woken up by the sounds of Shiro knocking on the door and meowing to let me know that it was time to wake up. It didn’t matter that it was 5 in the morning, it was TIME to get up!
This morning there was none of that. The two, Shiro, the white Persian, and Gallahad, her brother have moved on. They are back with their daddy, my son, and according to him they are busy exploring his new place. He has a pretty nice apartment, bigger than before, but the one complaint, he has to keep the windows closed and it is unbearably hot! Yes, we are going through another heatwave! How many does that make? I don’t know but it seems like one flows into the other seamlessly! I’m waiting for fall to roll around and to give us a much needed break from the current weather. I don’t like sweating and I don’t like feeling like you can’t breathe! When three showers a day don’t help to cool you down, then it is time for this weather pattern to go and pronto!
Coming back to the quiet. I walked downstairs and there was no sound of feet following. No purring either. You guessed it. I’m missing them! However, a friend told me, “It is time for you to take care of yourself. Enjoy the peace and quiet and LESS WORK!” I agree but still I’ve grown close to them and I miss seeing them here.
Chachi, my little guy, has been missing them too. Last night, he decided to show his sadness by doing nothing at all! He was like Jello and picking him up was a problem. After a few kisses and close hugs, he perked up. This morning, he rushed downstairs looking for them. Then he plopped by the window seat and stared outside, looking downright confused. It took him a long time to get comfortable with having them here, and just when he was getting used to the Little Buggers, they are gone! Life is not fair is his current daily whine.
My mission today is to pick him up as much as I can, give him a boatload of kisses, and to keep him close. I know it won’t do much for the way he feels but at least he is back to being NUMBER ONE!
Time heals all things as they say and I hope it works the same way in cat world!
Simply Beautiful!
Elias Grace is my kind of guy! Did I say that already? Well, I’ll say it again. That aside, this was and is one of my favorite hymns, he has given it a new twist but it is just as beautiful.
A Weird Dream
I woke up this morning drenched in sweat! The days have been unbearably hot and the nights, well, just as unbearable. I’ve been downing water like there is no tomorrow and that could have contributed to the over excess of fluids oozing out of my pores. It could have but add the weirdest dream I’ve ever had to that and I wonder.
Sometimes my dreams are in 3D, over the top and movie length! It goes on like I’m in a movie scene and sometimes I wake up and remember everything and at other times, they disappear into nothingness. Last night, it was a strange dream. I hate dreaming about graveyards but there is this one recurring place that I dream about. It is in Singapore and having spent a lot of time in the country, it is a place that gives me the creeps, the graveyards I mean. This particular area has three cemeteries, Christian to one side, Muslim, and Chinese on the other side. I don’t know why but I never liked the place and whenever I had to go past this place, the hair on the back of my neck would stand up!
Guess what? Last night, I was back at this place only this time walking! Stranger still, my ex was next to me and the place had changed. The tombstones were gone and there was a hotel, a restaurant, and a park! Yikes!!! I could still see the tombstones in my mind’s eye. Anyway, we were having a casual conversation and heading to the restaurant for some food. I couldn’t get rid of the creepy feeling and everywhere I looked, I saw tombstones for as far as the eye could see even though the place had changed and they were no longer there.
The significance of the dream? I don’t know. Please feel free to tell me if you know what this means. It was a long dream, movie length as well I think, and there were other moving parts but I don’t remember the rest of it. Only that I woke up with a start drenched in sweat. CREEPY!
I have a big operation coming up and I’ve been wrestling or rather struggling with it. Could it have triggered this weird dream or is it trying to tell me something? If so, why is the ex in the picture?
Ok, it could be just a dream and nothing more. I HOPE SO!
LIFE!
Life has a certain way of bringing things to the fore and it often does it without giving notice first! One day everything is going fine and the next you wonder what happened and why you’re at where you’re at.
I used to worry about what “life” had up its sleeve and how it was going to affect me. This worrywart syndrome that I have didn’t help much either. Something is going good and I would say to myself, “Wait for it! It’s coming, it’s on the way!” I’m talking about the bad stuff and it never fails because it shows up wearing bells and more!
Perhaps we bring on more of the same when negativity follows us around. These days, I take it as it comes and I offer the other cheek as well! I don’t look for the “bad stuff” to happen. If it does, I decide how I will handle it. Life has a tendency to throw things your way, perhaps it was a boring day up there or wherever they or it is and it’s time to shake things up and sometimes it is party time!
Worrying about things is not going to help matters much. Deciding that whatever comes your way, you are going to handle it and handle it with grace is the way to go. Is “life” giving me a break with that attitude. Nope! It says, “You’ve got lessons to learn and I want to see what you’re made of.”
Bring it on! First things first. I don’t worry as much as I used to. I still do because that goes with the territory, the one of being a worrywart. However, I try not to let it turn my world upside down and inside out. Those days are done it. I am calmer, bolder, braver, and ready to do battle!
Elements of Truth?
I needed something to laugh about and this did the trick. Alright, I agree it is hitting way below the belt but then again who cares! Sometimes the truth hurts!
It’s Time to Say Goodbye
Goodbyes are never easy but it is time to do exactly that. Shiro, the Persian, and Gallahad, the British long-haired cat with orange eyes will be leaving soon and I am sad.
I’ve had them for over three months now, keeping watch over them because my son, their daddy, is concentrating on his new job and they would have been a distraction plus the temporary apartment he had didn’t allow pets. So, mom offered help and with a heavy heart he accepted. Now he has an apartment that is much bigger and he is looking forward to having them back again.
The two cats were not easy. It was extra work for me and they love getting up at 5 in the mornings! Fine and good but the problem was or rather is that they want the “food lady” up as well! Now, Chachi, my little guy is joining in the fun! Somewhere along the way, he has learned that being a cat is not a bad thing after all! They are teaching him how to get what he wants, how to run riot if he doesn’t, and how to BUG mom till she gives in.
Yes, life hasn’t been easy but it hasn’t been all work and no play either. I’ve come to know them pretty well. Shiro is my little princess or rather the little girl I never had! She is sweet and sassy and takes no nonsense from the other two. Gallahad is the quiet one. He observes but where food is concerned he jumps in and turns on the charm! Those orange eyes do the rest and I find myself feeding him more than I should!
They will be leaving on Sunday and a little piece of me will go with them. I will worry about them and wonder if all is well with them as well. Chachi will miss them too. It will be back to being Number 1 for him but with no one to play with. Little Miss Ipanema still shows up now and then. She’s his girlfriend from across the street and they have this “love” thing going. Just through the kitchen window. She showed up a few days ago and saw Shiro sitting at the window staring out and her claws came out!
Things will be a lot quieter around here. I will miss the sound of running feet on the stairs, the soft purring, the loud meowing, and the shows of affection. I won’t miss the work, the constant cleaning up, and picking up behind them and getting up early in the mornings.
Time to relax and to let them go. Farewell my lovelies!
The Strength Within
“Sometimes, the strength within you is not a fiery flame for all to see, it is just a tiny spark that whispers softly ‘You got this, keep going.”
Less than three weeks to go before I give up control of my body to a surgeon and hope that he is competent enough and will do a great job. Some days I am alright meaning calm and collected but on other days, like today, I am climbing walls!
My first thought when I learned about what needed to be done was, “I can’t do this!” Then it dawned on me that I was alone and even though being “alone” was and has been great but not when you don’t know the outcome and having help by your side would be a great thing to have at a time like this. Do I want my ex back? That’s a big NO! However, support of some kind would be great when you’re feeling unusually small and helpless!
I took time to mull things over. The fear wanted to take over and I almost drowned in it. Then I found that tiny spark within that said, “You are not alone. You’ve got this!” Courage came riding in on a white horse and I started looking around at what was available for a person in my situation. My Chilean friend said, “I’m here for you. I’ll drive you to both your appointments and I will drive you back home after your hospital stay.” Things started looking up. I looked some more and I got more offers of help. Friends showed up, real friends, and they offered help after the operation especially during the recuperation period.
What about Chachi? My precious little guy, what do I do about him? He has never been alone. I looked for cat sitters and there were plenty but I wanted people who were trained to do the job and to do it well. Lots of students offered to cat sit but I wasn’t too sure. Then I found one place that ticked all the right boxes. They were going to cost more than the others but I signed the contract. Someone will come in twice a day, feed him, make sure he has fresh water, food, clean the litterbox, and play with him for half an hour if he wants it. I’ve got them booked for a week because bending over will be a problem after the operation and carrying heavy stuff as well. Going up and down the stairs? I was told to keep it to a bare minimum so most of my time will be spent in the downstairs living room for the first week or so. I love my bedroom which is upstairs so I’m not looking forward to change. Workouts are out as well. Walking is allowed and recommended but 5 to 10 minutes a day for the first week. This will be hard as well. I workout 7 days a week so I can’t see myself doing that but I have no choice in the matter.
What do I do about help when I come back home? That was weighing heavy on my mind. I won’t be allowed to drive and it will be bedrest, maybe painkillers ( I hope not!), and taking it easy and hoping the wound heals. I looked around for help and I found this lady. We met and talked and she offered all the help I needed. Cleaning, taking care of Chachi, shopping, driving me to the doctor and driving me back if I needed it. I couldn’t believe it but wait there is more.
The heavens opened up and an “angel” walked in when she told me that she worked at the same hospital as a nursing aide where I would have my procedure done! My eyes opened wide when she said, “I’ll come check on you after the operation. You’ll be in good hands.” I couldn’t believe it!
“I can also help you with all your needs and I will talk to the nurses there to keep an extra eye on you! Don’t worry, I’m there for you.”
Hallelujah?!! Her wings were missing but who knows, she probably had them neatly tucked away. She walked in here this morning, cleaned up the place, took the trash away, AND we had a talk. She told me that she has a week off during the week of my operation but plans to stay home.
“Don’t worry, I plan to come visit everyday and I AM THERE FOR YOU!”
Did I get lucky or is this just too good to be true? Perhaps, luck has nothing to do with it. Angels walk among us and I truly believe that. So, have my worries subsided just a little? NOPE. I am a worrywart and I will find something else to worry about! There is this other thing. I think I’m going to die because I have had these weird feelings and premonitions that point to it. Can someone help with that? AI says it is normal to have such thoughts especially with a big operation coming up. I don’t know folks, I’ve been preparing for the worst but who knows.
My point is this, don’t give up hope. Don’t succumb to your fears and there is always a way out. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
“One day you will understand that you had the strength within you from the very beginning. Keep going.” Unknown
Now, I hope that the “angel” doesn’t disappear as the time for the operation gets closer!
My One Favorite Quote?
I love quotes and I don’t just have one favorite. I have plenty that have added to the journey I am on. There is so much wisdom in quotes, in the right ones, and I do learn from and take them to heart.
Okay, let’s see if I can pick one that speaks to me. Hmm…..the one that is truly wise and speaks volumes without saying too much is from Mandy Hale. She is truly exceptional and she is a New York Times bestselling author, speaker, and social media personality. Not only that, most of her quotes are geared towards women and their well-being. She is also the creator of the online brand, “The Single Woman.”
This is one of my all-time favorite quotes from her collection.
“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings.”
I remember seeing this when I was just starting out on my journey of self-discovery. It spoke to me because we are social creatures and some of us need people around us all the time to survive the hustle and bustle of daily life. So being in isolation is not something most of us do well. It took some getting used to and the more I went into isolation, the more I realized what those words meant. After a time, I loved the quiet and the “loneliness.” I could think, I could decipher what I needed to get my life back on track, and I also realized that I was fully capable of handling whatever life threw my way as well.
I don’t have my wings yet and I am still on the path of isolation and loneliness, learning as I go along. I’m hoping that one day soon, those “wings” will magically appear!
One can only hope.
Have an amazing day.
