I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I haven’t been writing much for the last week or two putting out only the bare minimum or recycling my old posts. There’s a reason for that and it is not laziness.
Writing becomes more than a chore when I have things on my mind, things that bug me. And I have had plenty of that. The situation with the stalker has turned into a full-blown stalking! This guy is different from the first one. He doesn’t bombard me with his presence, I don’t know what he looks like, and there are usually three messages throughout the day whereas with the other one, it was a 24/7 thing. It starts with “Good morning Tia” depending on the time of day in English and the next sentence is in German. Mostly non-threatening but several times he said, “I’VE HAD ENOUGH!” I thought good, maybe you’ll stop sending me messages. However, it is short-lived. A day or two later, he goes back to his usual shoveling of more compliments. He called me a “Herzensmensch,” translated it means, “a soulmate, confidant, or someone you feel a deep connection with.” This one sent chills down my spine and not in a nice way either!
It was followed with, “Good morning Tia, MY BIG LOVE!” the next day. I don’t know who this guy is and I’m trying not to care but it is hard not to. The first stalker had me in his grip, emotionally, and made my daily existence a living hell but I’ve grown since then. I notice that I’m not as fearful as I used to be.
“Stalkers use mind games to manipulate their victims, often stemming from personality disorders like narcissism or psychopathy, and the goal is to control, confuse, and exert power over the victim.”
Knowing that, I’m trying not to let it get at me or to live in fear. However, after two days of silence, I got this message yesterday.
“Tia, you are a beautiful and strong person. You can overcome anything….” This one was much longer than his two sentence variety and I did feel an uneasiness creep through me. Stalker? Mentor? What?!!! Then this morning, the message said, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!”
I haven’t answered any of his messages and I am ignoring them hoping he will get tired and LEAVE ME ALONE!
A woman cheats on her husband after years of happy marriage.
Realizing her mistake, she starts praying to God, “Lord, I know what I did was wrong, but my marriage is the only thing that gives my life purpose and joy. Please, don’t let my husband find out.”
Suddenly, she hears a voice from above. “Okay my child, it will be, but on one condition: years from now, you will die by drowning.”
The woman hesitates at first but then responds, “Alright Lord, if it means he’ll never find out, then so be it.”
The next years of her life are happy and wonderful. She starts a successful business and lives in comfort with her husband, however, she continues to cheat on him many times, having forgotten her conversation with God.
One day, she decides to book herself a vacation on a cruise ship. A few days into the voyage, a loud BOOM rocks the cruise ship, and it starts to sink. Suddenly remembering her agreement with God, she is stuck with grief and begins praying frantically to God again:
“God, you’re not gonna drown an entire cruise ship full of people because of me, right?”
She hears a familiar voice. “Are you kidding me? I’ve been working to gather all you cheaters here for years!”
BOOM! It may take years but it all comes back eventually and HOW!!!
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” Anne Lamott
Exactly what I need today! I need to unplug and let the restlessness go for a while at least. I have this heavy feeling I’m carrying around and I know why. What to do about it is the question and I have no clear-cut answers. I don’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill but what if it is not a molehill?
Perhaps, the restlessness arises from three days of not sleeping like I should. I kept tossing and turning and was up at around 2 in the morning and stayed awake listening to the sounds outside and with my eyes wide open! Chachi, the cat doesn’t understand it but he knows something is up. He’s not called Einstein for nothing! Chachi usually wakes me up in the mornings but now he waits in his bed and doesn’t budge even when I head downstairs. The poor guy still refuses to go in the kitchen. This morning I left to go get some things done and left him in his bed by the window in the kitchen. I came back to find him exactly where I had left him and when I picked him up and brought him out of the kitchen, he shot upstairs. Since then, he has been staying on the first floor. Something is up.
It could just be my imagination and I have a tendency to let things bug me. Fear is my companion and it doesn’t make the situation any better. To make matters worse, the weather has taken a turn for the worse and it is drizzly and gray. I decided to get out and head for the fields. There was nothing much going on out there and it was quiet and still. I needed that. Walking out there for 30 minutes gave me the “unplugging” I needed to calm my mind and to soothe my restless spirit.
I still have no answers to my problem. However, I’m sure it will sort itself out one way or another. I hope it blows away and peace returns. Sooner than later!
It has been said that laughter is good for you. According to the MayoClinic people, it can: “Stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. Activate and relieve your stress response.”
That said, it lifts up your face, puts a happy smile on your whole being and on days like today when nothing much is happening and it is cloudy and windy outside, it helps to bump up your mood.
Here are some quotes to get you laughing and put a smile on your face as it did on mine.
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” Woman’s Day
It started two days ago. A message popped up on my phone and I listened to it. It was a guy reciting a love letter. I didn’t pay it mind as I thought he had sent the message to the wrong person. On the same day, I got several other messages all in the same vein.
It was time to get a little nervous. There was no name but there was a pic, darkened and I couldn’t make out his features. The day after, I got a few more messages all talking about love. Now, all kinds of “stuff” started showing up in my head. I had been a victim of a stalker many years ago and that guy kept me captive psychologically and the after-effects are still felt today in the way I react to the world around me. The thing is, I am across the pond so it couldn’t be the same guy.
Anyway, yesterday I received a message in the morning that said, “Hi Tia, LOVE OF MY LIFE!” I froze. Who is this person? So I answered, “What?!!! Who are you?” No answer. Then silence. Later in the day, I got this, “This is goodbye, this is the last message.” It had a broken heart emoji attached to it.
Wow! He got my attention and how! I double-locked the doors, made sure all the shatters were down and everything was in a shutdown mode! Then I locked the bedroom door and placed something behind it. As you can imagine, I didn’t sleep well at all and every little noise had me jumping. To make matters worse, Chachi, the cat, came down this morning and refused to go into the kitchen. He kept sniffing at a corner. I looked around but there was nothing that looked different. Nothing from the guy until a few minutes ago. It said, “Hi Tia, cheating is hurtful and only people of low intelligence do that.”
I agreed with him but then it dawned on me that the message was aimed at me! What is he going on about?!! I looked outside my front door but there was nothing. I did a walk around the house outside and no signs of any tampering.
However, this is scary stuff. What am I going to do about it? I really don’t know. I’ll have to see how this progresses but tonight I will do the same. Make sure everything is locked down and have the phone close to me just in case!
I was listening to Matthew Hussey, a well-known dating coach the other day. What he had to say was mind-blowing if not eye-opening. He pointed out that women fall for the wrong types all the time. He mentioned that quite often the red flags are there, clearly visible but we choose not to see it. Instead of putting a stop right there and then, we walk in with our eyes wide open.
He talked about seven signs that women should pay attention to and if those signs are clear and present, RUN is his advice! I’ve seen some of them myself and like those women he talks about in his podcast, I went in with my eyes wide open and was led to the slaughter willingly!
Here are the 7 signs.
1) I don’t want to hurt you or I don’t want to lead you on.
According to Matthew, he is giving you fair warning that it is exactly what he is about to do, hurt you that is, only he thinks that by being upfront about his intention, it will tamper the pain that is to follow. This line basically gives him the permission to mistreat you but with your consent! The ball is in your court and most women fall for it. He’s also telling you that he is not in it for the long run only for what he can get both emotionally and physically. If he finds someone better, he will leave in a heartbeat! RUN if you hear those words.
2) You deserve better than me.
Instead of saying, “You’re probably right,” we fall for this hook, line and sinker! According to Matthew, this is mental warfare at its best. What happens when you hear that line? You do the opposite and that is what he is counting on. It is manipulation at the smartest level and you can bet your bottom dollar that he has done it before. This opens up the field for him to use, abuse and mistreat you. RUN!
3) I’m not looking for anything serious right now.
Hmm…a good one and this one tells you what you need to know. Instead of running in the opposite direction and never looking back, this one has a certain pull and mystery about it. Let’s dive in and find out. You don’t really want to know because if he is telling you upfront that he is not serious, listen and keep moving. However, if you go in knowing what the outcome will be then you only have yourself to blame right? It is not as simple as that. These loser types know how to play the game, terrible though it might be. He is counting on you to accept what he is putting out there and in a way, he feels that he has been honest but in an insidious way. He is offering NOTHING from the get go. RUN!
4) You knew what this was.
What?!! Come again? The problem with this is that they expect the emotional and physical contact but with no strings attached. They’ll walk in a heartbeat if someone better walks in and it doesn’t matter if you’re holding your broken heart in your hands. It is all about them. The other thing is if it was nothing then they should have kept their emotions and hands to themselves! Try pointing that out to them but there is no winning with this one. He was never serious in the first place and it was all a manipulation tactic played like a pro.
5) I don’t want to ruin our friendship.
Hey buddy, if it was just friendship you should have stopped with the love scam you were pulling! Friendship is one thing and a relationship is another. If there are feelings involved and you played it to the hilt, then it wasn’t just friendship, it was something more. However, these losers are all about themselves so don’t ask them to own up to it. They never will. It’s a cruel game and they know it. RUN!
6) Why do we need to put a label on it?
According to them labels such as “girlfriend” which eventually leads to something more serious is unnecessary in the world they live and operate in. They want to keep it open so that they can walk when the time suits them. Here again, it is all about them. That line is meant to keep his options open. Labels are part of the norm in the normal relationship spectrum of things but as far as these guys are concerned, they march to a different drumbeat, it is one of using, abusing and discarding. RUN!
7) You’re different from other women I’ve dated.
Wow, how poetic! This one sounds like the ultimate compliment but there is deceit involved with this one as well. They hold you up as someone special only to make you complicit in their mistreatment of you. According to Matthew, it is done to hide their emotional unavailability. This tactic is psychologically damaging because you find yourself in a game of not knowing where you stand and that is part of the plan. They’ll keep you guessing as long as you serve a purpose, one of boosting their ego. The cruelty is that you cater to their needs hoping that they will see you as this caring person and they will eventually choose you. The truth is YOU ARE NOT THE ONE! Instead of being honest, they dance around and pull you into the fray disregarding the hurt they will cause when they take off in another direction later on. RUN!
Matthew is quick to point out that not all men are like that. However, speaking from experience, I say there are plenty out there who are. Take it slow, keep your eyes open, observe carefully and if you see any of those signs above, do not hesitate. just do this. RUN!
Courage is not being, “fearless.” Courage is shaking at the knees, chocking on your words, heart gripped by uncertainty, but stepping forward on your journey anyway. (Unknown)
That quote right there says it all. Courage doesn’t arrive with grand gestures but in small steps. It means showing up for yourself even if you don’t feel like it. It means getting up in the mornings and saying, “I’m going to try again.” It means staring whatever is holding you back right in the face and daring to take that first small step forward. It means moving towards that mountain top not knowing what is waiting for you there but trusting that it will be better than where you’re at right now.
“Courage isn’t having the strength to go on – it is going on when you don’t have strength.” Napoleon Bonaparte
How often have you thrown up your hands and said, “I give up!” I’ve been there and so have you. However, it is those very moments that call for courage to step up and to put fear in its place. It is easy to run and hide, to not show up for yourself and to wear the mantle of defeat proudly. Moving on becomes heavy and each step forward, sometimes next to impossible. Courage needs practice like anything else in life. It doesn’t happen overnight and neither is it easy. Each time you face defeat as you inevitably will because life is about overcoming obstacles and nothing is going to be made easy and handed to you on a silver platter. The truth of the matter is, it takes work and sometimes hard work to achieve what you want. On your way, you will meet fear (my constant companion) and you will meet defeat. However, you are made of stronger stuff and you, my friend, are capable of showing up, time and time again until one day you are holding the letter “V” in your hands and giving whatever is holding you back a run for the money!
“COURAGE DOESN’T ALWAYS ROAR. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, “I will try again tomorrow.” Mary Anne Radmacher
Remember practice makes perfect and “courage” in small doses is what it is about. Make a list and start with the smallest thing on that list. Work your way up one step at a time putting fear where it belongs. Good luck on your journey.
Curtis and Leroy bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next morning, the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night.”
Curtis and Leroy replied, “Well, then just give us our money back.” The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.” They said, “OK then, just bring us the dead mule.” The farmer asked, “What in the world ya’ll gonna do with a dead mule?” Curtis said, “We gonna raffle him off.”
The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead mule!” Leroy said, We shore can! We don’t hafta tell nobody he’s dead!” A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis and Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked, “What’d you fellers ever do with that dead mule?”
They say, “We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.” Leroy said, “We sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.” The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?” Curtis said, “Well, the fella who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back.”
Curtis and Leroy now work for the government. They’re overseeing the Bailout and Stimulus Programs.
🤣🤣🤣
I’m dying to say something but I’ll keep my mouth shut!
A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar, and ordered a drink.
The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.
He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked at the biggest one in the face, and said, “I went by your grandma’s house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked. Man, she is fine!”
The biker looked at him and didn’t say a word.
His buddies were confused, because he was a badass, and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leaned on the table again and said, “I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!” The biker still said nothing.
His buddies were starting to get mad.
The drunk leaned on the table again and said, “I’ll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!”
The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder, and said, “Damn it, Grandpa, you’re drunk! Go home!”
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