mental-health – Page 9

Pathological Liars (Archives)

Pathological liars are pros when it comes to lying. It is a way of life for them and these losers are said to have a personality disorder but I think they just enjoy lying and LOVE getting away with it which in turn gives them an adrenaline rush to boot.

Abraham Lincoln said it best:

“No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.”

My ex fits the mode perfectly. He lied so much that he forgot which one was the truth and which one was the lie! It became one and the same to him. He eventually got tired of keeping up with all his lies and decided it was time to threw up his hands and call it quits. Coming back to the topic at hand, there are 6 signs of a pathological liar. Probably more, but we’ll stick to these six for now.

Pathological liars tend to:

Have a lack of empathy.

Focus on basic needs, such as food and money.

Find pleasure and gratification in lying.

Speak in terms of cause-and-effect instead of emotions.

Be cunning and manipulative.

Lie just for the sake of lying. Science=People

How do you cope with a pathological liar?

Don’t expect them to admit to a lie because they will stick to their lies even when it’s obvious that they are not telling the truth.

Don’t take it personally. It is not about you, it is a mental disorder or so they say.

Don’t think just because they look you in the eye, they are telling the truth. Most often they can stand on their heads and try to convince you that they are telling you the truth.

Don’t lose your temper because it’s not about you losing control, it just makes them much better liars. There’s no winning with these guys.

Do trust yourself and your intuition.

Do pay attention to their actions rather than their words because after all actions do speak louder than words.

Do set boundaries as to what you will tolerate and what you won’t in a relationship not that it matters to these individuals. They are well-versed in the art of lying and somehow getting away with a lie does not faze them as it would a normal individual with a conscience. So be prepared for more of the same or walk away.

“It’s not the lie that bothers me. It’s the insult to my intelligence that I find offensive.” Unknown

That’s exactly it. Most pathological liars think that they are experts when it comes to lying so no one is the wiser for it. However, sometimes they come across those of us who can see right through them and that’s when they fall flat on their lying faces and move on to more fertile territory, the women who love being lied to. Unfortunately, there are plenty of those too.

“You know what’s great about compulsive liars? They keep zero promises and then make YOU feel guilty about it when you’re upset.

I need to master this art.” Unknown

Finally, pathological liars are not worth your effort, time and energy. It takes all of this and more to keep them in line not to mention the eventual heartbreak it brings. There are no long-term with these guys just lots of being on the look out all the time. It is definitely NO fun and definitely not how I want to spend the rest of my life and neither do you, so keep your eyes and ears wide open and remember if it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, it is probably a LIE!

“How much happier would life be if a liar’s pants really did catch on fire!” Unknown

AND

“Secrets and lies kill relationships. No matter how careful you are, you will get caught. What’s done in darkness always comes to light.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Relaxation

Relaxation is a big word in my life as everything is focused on or around it. No matter how stressful life gets or how chaotic things are, relaxation is one of the things that I try to do everyday without fail.

It could be as simple as a walk in nature for about 20 minutes, a workout at home for 30 minutes, a meditative practice for however long I like and just simply breathing for all its worth. All of these methods help me to relax and to give the “stress” monster a kick out the door. It wasn’t always this way. Life had me in its grip and I found myself on the go all the time and there was no time to stop and smell the roses even if I wanted to. Then I made a conscious decision to step back, go into the recluse mode, throw what didn’t serve me out the door and to give relaxation the all-important spot as being number 1 in my day-to-day routine.

These days, I am learning to relax at the drop of a coin. If something bugs me, I grab one of my go to methods for relaxation and retreat into a world of peace and nirvana. Just 15 minutes a day does the trick and “no time” is not an excuse. You do have the time to do what is good for you. Forget about the world and all those to do lists, you come first so do something good for yourself.

I must admit I’m not where I should be. There are days when everything falls apart and relaxation is nowhere to be seen no matter how hard I try. Taking a break is alright too but come back to that state of mind where life is simple and all you need to do is breathe and let the world do its thing without you in it for a while.

“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens.” Mandy Hale

Daily writing prompt

How do you relax?

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Blogging

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When I first started posting here, I didn’t think of it as blogging. I was away from the public eye or so I thought and at the time I had next to no viewers, readers or “likes” for that matter. It was alright with me because everything was low-key and I could write about whatever I wanted to.

It was fun, it was a way to get my frustrations out and at times my anger out as well and a way to clear the path forward. I had taken a fall and I was trying to find my way out of that rabbit hole and what better way to do this than to get it all out there, the good, the bad, and the ugly! I was literally putting myself out there, lock, stock and barrel.

Then those “likes” started rolling in and I realized that people liked what I was writing about and some were in the same boat as I was and it was a way for us to grow and get better together. However, it got a little uncomfortable because at times I felt like I was on full display with my hurts, wounds, and feelings out there for all to see. The other aspect was that there were many out there who had walked the same path I had walked and were looking for ways to get a grasp on life again. I continued and now I do get more likes than I used to, the site is “booming” as I was told earlier this week and it is doing fine.

It is not about the “likes,” it is about life from my perspective and what I have done to get myself back on track and back on the journey of life and if my story has helped someone than my writing or blogging has been well-worth the effort.

Daily writing prompt

Why do you blog?

View all responses

SINGLEDOM (Archives)

Photo by Agung Pandit Wiguna on Pexels.com

Being “single” is cringeworthy to some, unbelievable to others, unbearable to those who think “single” is a bad word and a “no go” in today’s society of settling for anything even if it means you are with the wrong person just so long as you have someone to boost your image.

Single is defined as “the state of being unmarried or not involved in a long-term relationship.”

I’m both right now but I have to say it’s working out for me. I love spending time by myself and I’m learning that I like who I am. All the clutter that clouds my mind in a relationship is gone and for a change there is peace and clarity within.

“You’re single not because you are not good enough for one, it’s that you’re too good for the wrong one.” Chris Burkmein

Sometimes we make the wrong choices and wind up in relationships that are not good for us. Taking the time as I am doing to find out why I keep falling for the wrong types is a necessary move on my part. Making a promise to do better the next time around is an integral part of the journey I’m on. It’s a journey of self-discovery and I’m not rushing things. I’m taking my time going within to weed out all the destructive bits that lead me on the self-same journey over and over again.

“It takes a strong person to remain single in a world that is accustomed to settling with anything just to say they have something.” Unknown

Settling is not my thing and never has been and I’m stubborn to a fault. Put the two together and you have someone who may never find the right one and “single” is in her cards forever! However, I’m not giving up hope. Working on myself is a priority this year and when and if the “new” someone shows up, I hope I’ll be ready to lower the banner I have around my heart which says, “Do Not Disturb, Work in Progress!“

It has been said:

“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.” Parade

AND

“I’ve been single for a while and I have to say, it’s going very well.

Like…..It’s working out.

I think I’m the one.”

Unknown

All jokes aside, being “single” is nothing to be ashamed of. It just means you are taking time out for yourself, learning who you are, loving yourself, working on your self-worth and when the time is right, you’ll get your wings and you’ll learn to fly with the right person.

“Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Favorite Time of Day?

Any time of day can be a favorite time if things work out right and all is going well. However, my favorite time of day is when I am feeling calm, collected, mind free of worries and with Chachi, the cat, by my side. Add a day with beautiful blue skies, a light breeze and not too hot and you’ve got my favorite kind of day.

Ok, let’s see. I love mornings when I am up early and the world is still asleep. Listening to the birds in the trees and the constant cooing of pigeons on the rooftops is soothing and my mind is at rest. Any time my mind is at rest is a good thing so mornings do that. Chachi’s purring is an additional bonus to that feeling of contentment.

Afternoons are a time when sometimes it is hectic and sometimes I am halfway through things. It is not a peaceful feeling. I don’t take naps in the afternoons as most people around here do because if I do I wake up feeling groggy and not rested at all. I usually spend the afternoons writing, cleaning or doing whatever mundane stuff that needs to be done or needs taken care off.

Evenings, I love at times. Sometimes it is calming as the day comes to an end. Sitting outside and watching dusk approach is a nice thing to do and listening to the day settling down is another beautiful thing. This is also the time when I do my meditation practice and sometimes my breathing routine. Calming down and clearing my mind is of the utmost importance before going to bed for a goodnight’s rest. Evenings are all about bringing the day to a close with intention and preparing myself for the rest that is to come. Sometimes it is my favorite time of day as well.

It changes from time to time and it all depends on what I have going on. Days without chaos, hustle and bustle and a constant churning of the mind on how to fix things, take care of things and bring things back to normal are not my favorite times. Take them out and you’ve got my favorite time of day!

Daily writing prompt

What’s your favorite time of day?

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My Motivational Factors

Nature motivates me. Being out in the open and surrounded by nature helps to motivate me to do better. The message is clear, everything has a time and place and you don’t need to push, pull or dare. It happens as it happens and that is my motivation to stand out in the open and to know that everything is being taken care off and I am where I need to be, nothing more, nothing less.

Workouts not only help to get me physically fit but it also helps my emotional fitness. The motivating factor is do better each time I get into the workout mode. I train my body and my mind to do its best and sometimes I walk away not only fatigued but full of energy, if that makes sense. Workouts have the ability to turn on the youth code meaning it keeps you young and your joints don’t stiffen up. All good things.

My favorite thing to do is to write and it can be just a post of what I’m thinking about, what has been bugging me or just some advice on how to do things better. The motivating factor here is to get my creative juices flowing. My mind has a nice workout and I come away with a clearer perspective of things.

Last but not least, Chachi, the cat. This little furball does more to motivate me than a lot of the other things. My life revolves around the little bugger and he is my little love. He helps me to see life as half-full vs. half-empty. Hugs, kisses, and purrs all go to make up his way of getting his mom to get up and do the things she needs to get done!

The things listed above help to motivate me and to keep my life moving in the right direction. I am looking for more ways to add to that motivating factor but for now, I am happy where I’m at.

Daily writing prompt

What motivates you?

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Disrespect (Archives)

It is defined as “insulting someone or displaying rude behavior by showing a lack of respect.”

Have you experienced it? I have and it is not a nice thing when faced with such behavior. There are three forms of disrespect. These are known as the passive, subtle and the blatant variety.

Passive disrespect is when someone is condescending, makes insulting insinuations, gives you the silent treatment, is sarcastic and doesn’t care if it is hurtful or not. How do you deal with this kind of disrespect?

Don’t take the bait and address the issue immediately.

Subtle disrespect is when someone mocks you, when they talk behind your back and they will pretend to have forgotten things you agreed on.

Show that it doesn’t affect you or decide if you want to engage. Name the disrespectful behavior you have observed and call them out on it. Have a conversation about it but do not lecture.

Blatant disrespect is the no holds barred variety. They go out of their way to deliberately undermine or demean you. Their actions are obvious and they don’t give a hoot if it hurts you.

Here again stay calm but it is hard to do. Use “I” statements when addressing the issue and ask for clarification. You can react with kindness but since that is almost impossible to do, call the person out on his or her behavior and set boundaries as to what you will or won’t tolerate.

If all else fails, you have the option of walking away and closing the door behind you. No one should put up with disrespect. Disrespect basically says, “You are not important and your feelings don’t matter to me.” The truth is, you are important and your feelings do matter. Do not tolerate disrespect of any kind.

Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter:

“The best way to end disrespect is by not giving them a chance to do it again.” Unknown

“Disrespect is the weapon of the weak.” Alice Miller

“Wasting somebody’s time may be the highest form of disrespect.” Unknown

I like the next one a lot.

“Never let your heart be so forgiving that it gets comfortable with disrespect.” Unknown

“Don’t put up with disrespect just to keep them in your life.” Sonya Parker

“Be careful what you tolerate, you are teaching people how to treat you.” Unknown

This last one needs a plaque of its own!

Detox Your Life in 4 Easy Steps

Eliminate anyone who:

Lies to you

Disrespects you

Uses you or

Puts you down.

Have an amazing day.

Things I Enjoy About Writing

It is hard to put into words. Writing has always been a way to bring out what is hiding inside. The insecurities, the pain, the worries, the lessons I have learned all take on a different persona when I see it in print or on my posts. It is a way of releasing what I need to release to move on.

I also relish the free reign my mind has to go to places I wouldn’t do as a person. Yes, it takes me places and the fantasy world is lit up and full of radiance as I dance there for a while. I have the ability to let go of things I have been holding inside and it gives me an avenue to look at it with different eyes, from a distance instead of right smack in the middle of it!

Writing has helped to calm the beast that I call my mind. An hour or more of writing and I walk away feeling calmer and my insides cleared of the clutter that often resides there and sometimes I am given a blank slate to start over again but it doesn’t happen all the time because I have too much clutter and it is going to take a long time before that part happens.

Writing is about stepping into a different role. One of observer rather than having lived. Not sure if that makes sense. I take on the role of observing, dissecting and making sense of what has transpired AND how to make it better. The act of writing helps me to go deep within and to get it out there so that my inner being can breathe again and in the process I hope my writing helps others who have walked the same path I have.

The joys of writing are plenty but for me it is my way of helping my psyche to deal with things and the other thing is, I get to paint pictures with words! If you can picture every detail as you read, the colors, the sounds, the feelings and much much more, than my writing has done what it started out to do.

Daily writing prompt

What do you enjoy most about writing?

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Living Your Best Life (Archives)

“Put yourself first on your priority list and watch your life get better.” Unknown

One interpretation of living your best life is to “live a life that makes you happy and also one that allows you to live your full potential.” quora.com

Concentrating on yourself is of the utmost importance. If you want to live your best life, put yourself first and foremost on that priority list. It starts with YOU and if you can get your act together everything else falls into place and even if it doesn’t, give it time to right itself out. In the meantime you’re standing where you should be and that is at the top of your list.

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” Unknown

Each day do what is necessary to get yourself back on track. If you’re down on your knees, stand back up. If all you see is grey clouds and no sunshine, make your own sunshine. Put on a smile, get dressed and go out and shine! Never underestimate the power of a smile, it does wonders for your psyche and your soul. So make sure to wear one even if you don’t feel like it.

Talk to yourself. Tell yourself, “I love you!” Sounds crazy? Not really. Sometimes or rather more often than not, we forget the person we carry around with us. The special someone who stands by us through all our big and little moments of sadness, joy, heartbreak and everything else that goes to make up this life of ours. Show it some LOVE. I’ve started doing this practice of positive self-talk and I say, “I love you,” “I’m thankful for your support,” and “I’m grateful for all the things you do for me.” After I finish I give myself a hug, a make-believe one but a hug nonetheless. This has proved to be an absolute game changer and within a few minutes I feel calmer and “happiness” courses through my whole being. Not always but that is okay too.

Here’s another important point. If you want to live your best life, don’t beat yourself up. You’re beautiful as you are and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! We are our own worst enemy and I know I am. I often tell myself, “Your hair looks bad today!” Or that little spot on my face has taken gigantic proportions and is now staring back at me with a grin. Sometimes I say, “I just don’t like how you look!” I’m learning to tone down the rhetoric and to be kinder and gentler with myself. These days if someone says, “You look good,” I accept it wholeheartedly without resorting to, “but that’s not what I saw this morning as I looked in the mirror!” Vanity can be a downer at times but learning to accept yourself flaws is the way to go.

One Day It Clicks

“You realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself. You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you would never recover. And you smile. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.” Unknown

Go out and live your very best life and while you’re doing it don’t forget to have an amazing day!

YOU ARE IMPORTANT (Archives)

Quite often, we let the people we interact with on a daily basis, the world around us with its idiosyncrasies and events that happen to us interpret how we feel, how we react and how much worth we give it and if we are important or not in the grand scheme of things. I am guilty as charged.

The Dalai Lama said it best, “Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.”

Yet we do it time and time again. Just yesterday, a girlfriend broke up with her so called boyfriend. He was for all purposes a NO-GO as far as I am concerned and it was clear for all to see including her but she is in a difficult place nonetheless. Finding out she was “not important” is a devastating cross to bear even if she saw it coming. Yet, this is nothing new. We hand over how important we are in a relationship to the other person and forget in the process that YOU as a person matter and you define how important you are and what you will stand for and what you won’t put up with.

“When you are important to another person, that person will always find a way to make time for you. No excuses, no lies and no broken promises.” Unknown

Relationships are hard enough as it is to navigate without having to deal with the “invisible man,” meaning the guy who says he loves you but when it comes down to showing you that you are important, he shows time and again that YOU are an afterthought and as far as the importance scale goes you are on the bottom rung of the ladder. No guessing game needed here. You will know and it is up to you to put yourself front and center and say, enough is enough!

“You are important and you matter.

Your voice matters.

Your life matters.

Your feelings matter.

Your story matters.

ALWAYS.” Unknown

Let me add to that. You as a person matters and don’t take yourself for granted either.

One Day It Just Clicks

“You realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself.

You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you would never recover. And you smile.

You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.” Steve Maraboli

Finally,

“Surround yourself with people who are going to lift you higher.” Unknown

You are well worth the effort and don’t let someone show you otherwise. Your worth is determined by you so stand tall and show the world that YOU ARE IMPORTANT.

Have an amazing day.