Married for 60 years, they had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
“When we were to be married,’ she said, ‘ my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.’
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
‘Honey,’ he said, ‘that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?’
‘Oh,’ she said, ‘that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.
Sometimes we think that silence is just that, a certain quietness where nothing happens. It is a void that is soothing but nothing much comes out of it. I beg to differ. I have found that if you listen carefully, “silence” has much to say.
“It’s been said that actions speak louder than words, sometimes, it’s what you don’t say or do, that sends the loudest message.” Carlos Wallace
Quite often when something doesn’t go our way and we are hurt by another’s actions or words, the first reaction is to let it rip. Let it all out and show them how you feel and during those moments, words are aplenty and so are emotions. However, when all is said and done and you are wrung dry, more often than not you realize that you didn’t achieve anything through those outbursts of the unsavory kind.
“Once you’ve matured, you realize silence is more powerful than proving a point.” Unknown
Maturity doesn’t show up wearing bells and it does not say, “Here I am, take me and use me.” It shows up when you least expect it and when you’ve gone though the growing up process. The one that takes you on the ups and downs, the one where you find yourself down on your knees and the one that shows you there is a better way of doing things without going ballistic. It is the quiet gentle knowledge of knowing that you deserve better and you will move on with grace. No shouting or being loud needed.
“And suddenly I stopped explaining, stopped fixing, and just moved on. I learned that silence speaks louder than words. No response is a response. Now, I don’t chase. I don’t care and I let people feel the weight of their own choices.” Unknown
Easier said than done? I know because I’ve been there. Things are hard and life is harder still but learning to navigate choppy waters is a must if you want life to let up on you. If something doesn’t go your way, take it in stride. If someone doesn’t choose you, let him or her go. If life isn’t going like it’s supposed to, stop, take note, and then move on knowing that whatever it is that life throws your way, you are fully capable of handling it. Let silence be your guide and your best friend. There is much to be learned during your bout with silence if you’ll only listen.
“Silence is not empty, it is the loudest answer.” Unknown
Not only that, it gives you the ability to get your message across WITHOUT SAYING A WORD!
Try it the next time you want to let someone have what is coming to them or you are chomping at the bit to say your piece. Stop and move in silence.
“Patience is a virtue” a short phrase that means “waiting calmly is a good trait.” This was coined way back when waiting for anything to happen was normal and waiting patiently was considered a virtue rather than a hair pulling experience. Well, at least the English poet, William Langland, who came up with this phrase in 1360 thought so.
These days, patience is a learned virtue. At times it takes super-human strength to say, it is ok, I’ll wait a little while longer. The extreme could be waiting for something that never happens but promised it will. There are people in this world who think that showing up late is fashionable. I know someone or have known several people who showed up 30 minutes late for an appointment without so much as calling to say they are running late. This not showing up on time is stamped into their DNA so there is nothing you can do about it except show PATIENCE even if you have to grit your teeth and bear it. Needless to say, these people don’t have a permanent place in my life. They honed my patience level to the negative and it was time for them to go!
“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.” Leo Tolstoy
Both come into play when dealing with people who show disrespect for your time and your patience level. It’s not that they don’t know what they are doing, they DO KNOW and that is the truth of the matter. Would they like it if you showed up late or worse still did not show up at all? What would happen if the shoe was on the other foot? I guarantee you they wouldn’t tolerate it for one minute.
“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind.” David G. Allan
Fine and good. However, these days my patience level is not where it used to be. Gone are the days of accepting it as a slight faux pas. These days, if it happens more than once, I am ready to close the door and move on. Patience is not my strong suit but than again why pull your hair out when in the end you’re the one who ends up with a bald spot and not the person who takes the laid back attitude to life. Believe me, patience is not all it has been cut out to be. Virtue or not, in the end your well-being matters, you matter and your principles matter. You don’t have to put up with it. That said, here are some quotes to lighten the topic.
“My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, well next time don’t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.” Unknown
“My doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce stress in my life, which is pretty much the same thing.” Unknown
“The fact that my entire body cracks like a glowstick whenever I move and yet refuses to actually glow is very disappointing.” Unknown
“My goal this weekend is to move only enough so people know I’m not dead.” Unknown
Tried this last weekend and it was pretty relaxing I must say.
“I MAY LOOK CALM —but in my mind I’ve already killed you twice.” Unknown
“Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.” Ann Bradford
I did but it doesn’t work.
This one I like a lot. It made me laugh which is a good thing.
“I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.”
If you’re the type of person who plays havoc with other people’s patience, STOP! Treat others as you would like to be treated and that should do the trick but if it doesn’t and you’re a hardcore and professional patience tester, I hope you get what you deserve.
It is a beautiful morning here and after days of rain, wind, and dark skies, the sun is making a showing and it is planning to stay for a while. I decided to put my boots on, bundle up with a scarf and a coat and go traipsing in the fields. It was cold like I expected but the sun was warm as it landed softly on my face, not the burning kind that you get in summer but a softer variety that feels like a gentle kiss.
No one was out there as usual, not even the guy with the dog. We haven’t seen each other for weeks now. The weather kept me indoors and he was probably out there walking his dog but our paths didn’t cross. Oh well, there is time enough f0r that.
Today, my mind is full of thoughts dashing here and there and they need reprieve. Walking is the perfect way to get them all out there and to send them packing!
The book has been weighing heavy on my mind. I seem to be more occupied with it then I want to be. It’s like I’m eating, sleeping and doing everything else with the book in tow! Last night, I woke up several times in the middle of the night and I could see rows and rows of bad reviews dancing in front of my eyes! God, it was awful. I told myself to calm down but this morning, I jumped out of bed to check and the book seemed to be doing fine. However, if you have a book out there, it takes work to make it visible and that means hard WORK! Unless you have a fairy godmother who waves her wand and makes it all happen for you. I don’t so I have to put my thinking cap on and work at it.
Update on the stalker. He stopped sending messages a week ago but then two days ago he said, “Hi Tia, thank you for everything!” What?!! I don’t know who this guy is but he seems to be smoking something that is warping his mind! Anyway, my mind is clearer now and I feel lighter not having to worry about this loser.
What else? I went out on two dates with the cheesecake guy. Well, actually not really dates, I call them “friends just meeting up for a coffee and a chat.” The first one was and it was pleasant enough. However, he was peering into my eyes to see if the twinkle or rather the sparkle was there. He’s all about the “sparkle.” Unfortunately for him, the sparkle box is closed and there are no more sparkles to be had! Anyway, we talked about many things and it was really nice. He also brought a big bouquet of pink and white roses and that was nice too. A few days later, he called and asked for a lunch date. We went to this nice restaurant and I enjoyed the company. Just a couple of hours of good food and talking about nothing in particular. The tension wasn’t there. I didn’t have to wonder what was coming next. He dropped me off at my place, got out of the car to open the door for me, and then it came. This big, crashing, hug that left me gasping for breath and then he gave me a kiss on the cheek and as he moved to my lips, I stopped it, thanked him and I haven’t heard from him since.
Chachi says, “GOOD!”
I have another date next week. Actually it was today but I chickened out! So I moved it to next week. He seems like a nice enough guy. A medical doctor so it should be an interesting date. Even if it doesn’t work out, I get to pick his brain about things I’ve always wanted to know about doctors. Questions like, “What was the worst case you handled?” “Any spooky tales to tell?” You get the drift.
That’s about it folks. My mind is empty now and I’m ready to get started with my day and to fill my head again and this time I hope with much better stuff.
It is there, it is invisible and it stays dormant until it is called upon to show you and the world that YOU are strong, you are undefeatable and you are a force to be reckoned with. Not all of us are that strong and when life throws those lessons our way, we crumble, we push back but after all is said and done and looking back at the past you realize that “strength” was always there, it just took a little time getting there.
Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter.
“Sometimes the strength within you is not a big fiery flame for all to see, it is just a tiny spark that whispers softly, ‘You got this, keep going.” Unknown
“Courage is not having the strength to go on, it is going on when you don’t have the strength.” Theodore Roosevelt
“One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” Brene Brown
“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” Steve Maraboli
I love this next one. It shows that the spirit is not easily won over.
“I wear my bruises and scars like armor. Marks of battles fought in silence and storms endured out loud.
My pain? It’s the fire that forges resilience, a testament to the strength that refuses to break. I’m still here, unyielding and undefeated.” Unknown
“You have within you, right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.” Brian Tracy
“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.” Ernest Hemingway
The last two speaks of understanding and of acceptance and still having the courage and the strength to move on.
“Someone I once loved gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.” Mary Oliver
AND
“Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.” Maya Angelou
Words have incredible power and they can either build or break someone down. The saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,” is so far from the truth. Words have the ability to stay with you, work within you and long after all is said and done, it can still show up years down the road and still have the power to hold court if allowed to do so.
Flippancy with words comes easily to some and to some cutting you down to size using a few choice words is a daily affair. Choose your words carefully and be kind with what you put out there because unlike that quote, words do have the power to hurt and to break someone down.
Here are some quotes that hit the nail on the head:
“Words and hearts should be handled with care for words when spoken and hearts when broken are the hardest things to repair.” Unknown
“Before you say something to someone, always think about how you’d feel if someone told you the same thing.”Unknown
I like this next one a lot.
“If only our tongues were made of glass,
how much more careful we would be when we speak.” Unknown
“The world is full of hurtful words. It is full of hate. It is full of people pushing others away. Tripping them with words. Words have the same power to cause harm as a stick or rock. We need to be better than that. To learn, to understand, to refuse to be the hurt.”Unknown
“Be careful what you say. You can say something hurtful in ten seconds, but ten years later, the wounds are still there.” Joel Osteen
It’s Sunday and it is raining out there. The sky is gray and the wind is blowing. The storm is refusing to take a hike and it is driving me up the wall! I came up with a great idea to pep up my mood and these hilarious quotes helped to do just that. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did.
“My advice to you is get married. If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” Socrates
Yup, there are many philosophers out there.
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” Rod Stewart
Hmm…..okay never mind!
“A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.” Dave Barry
I met several of those when my son was young and I had no book to go by.
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” Rodney Dangerfield.
“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you!” Rita Mae Brown
“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies, probably because they are generally the same people.” G. K Chesterton
“If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” George Carlin
“Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” Charlie Brown
ME TOO!
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it.” W. C. Fields
“When in doubt, look intelligent.” Garrison Keillor
A friend asked me recently, “What do you seek the most?” I couldn’t give him an answer right away. It was a troubling question to say the least. I thought I knew because I had been working on exactly this for months on end but now faced with a direct question and I had no answers or rather I was unsure. I wanted to say “love” but the word that jumped in was “peace.” More specifically, “inner peace.” I think without it nothing else matters. It all boils down to just living for the sake of living.
What is inner peace? According to http://www.calm.com, “Inner peace is a deep state of calm, acceptance and contentment. It means being in harmony with yourself, others, and the world around you. It’s not about eliminating challenges or difficulties but navigating through them with a tranquil and accepting mind.”
Do I have that kind of peace in my life? Truthfully, I’m not sure. I have a tendency to let things rattle me, unnerve me, shake me to the core and kick me off balance. I know I have stress and that is nothing new. Dealing with stress has always been an uphill battle but I’m doing better. However, I still have a long ways to go. The question then arose, how do I go about securing inner peace? The kind that gives me a deep state of calm and paints my world a beautiful shade of pink? The quote below might work.
“Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.” Pema Chodron
Sounds simple enough but let me tell you, it’s a hard one for me. I let people control my feelings, emotions and my reactions and that is the first problem. I needed simpler solutions to a tough question so I decided to go looking and turns out I’ve been doing them already!
Breathe it says. Take time out in the day to just breathe and let go. I’m learning all kinds of breathing techniques and it is not just about taking a breath in and expelling it out. The experts have honed breathing to a new high. Breathing has gone high-tech but the original version still works. Try it for a slice of good old-fashioned peace.
Mindfulness is the other technique used to achieve inner peace. Live in the present, embrace it, let it unfold and do not control. Life knows exactly what to do. A really hard one for me as I wanted the answers yesterday!
Meditation is a gold mine and don’t I know it. My early morning and evening meditation practices have worked wonders in my life. I’m calmer, my reaction to unwanted challenges is slower and my mind seems quieter than it used to be. Worth a try if tranquil peace is what you’re searching for. It takes practice to calm that fidgety mind but time and patience will get you there. There is a plus, there is nothing more delicious than unadulterated inner peace.
Nature, connect with it and it will instill peace to the depths of your soul. Something as simple as a walk will take you there. Fresh air and nature’s beauty will clear your mind and you will get a different perspective on life looking at it through nature’s viewpoint. Everything has a time and place, do not rush that is the message.
Practicing gratefulness is a big one. I’ve started practicing this simple concept and my glass went from half empty to actually quite full. Do it often enough and you won’t be lacking anything at all! Too simple? I know. Given time this technique does work because it changes your mindset from negative to a more positive one and we all need that.
If none of the above methods work, do this instead.
“Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.” Robert J. Sawyer
Ever since that question was thrown in my direction, I’ve been thinking about the mindset for inner peace and I have come to the conclusion that all roads lead to “inner peace” first. If you want to have a life free from chaos, disarray and turmoil, work towards inner peace and all the other things will fall into place. Challenges are a part of life both big, small and the daily variety but you can overcome if you focus, work on clearing it and MOVE ON! Standing still in one place for too long would be a big mistake. The Gambler song gives us some tips on how to do exactly that.
If you’re gonna play the game, boy
You gotta learn to play it right.
You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run….
Every gambler knows
That the secret to survivin’
Is knowing what to to throw away
And knowin’ what to keep
Those last three lines speak to the matter of inner peace.
Figure it out, have confidence in yourself and HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!
“Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.” Brene Brown
It is also the hardest thing to do. Pulling the covers over your head, staying in bed and letting the day carry on without you is the norm and putting all your attention on the one thing or couple of things that tell you, not showing up is the way to go. I think we’ve all had those days and for some, it is a daily existence and for others it is a short stop before we pick up and carry on. Whichever the case may be for you, staying put is not going to do it. It takes courage to move on.
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” Brene Brown
Your first step to showing up for yourself is to show up as you are, fears and all. “Showing up is the act of being present and vulnerable, and courage is the ability to do so despite being afraid.” I realized that I haven’t been showing up for myself these past two weeks. Fear has stepped in and peace of mind is nowhere to be seen. I seem to be wading through thick, gooey mud and each step is painstakingly slow if at all. I want the day to go away and staying under the covers is where I would like to spend my days. However, something stopped me in my tracks yesterday. Call it courage, call it intuition, or just my mind telling me to “BUCKLE UP!” and MOVE! It worked.
Today is another day and I am moving for all I’m worth. It’s not the physical kind of moving I’m talking about but the mental and emotional kind. Enough of the self-pity, the negative self talk, and the “I can’t do this” mentality. I know I can and I will!
“No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up and never give up.” Unknown
It is exactly what I’m doing today. The stalker sent this message last night.
“Good evening Tia, do you know who I am?”
My answer today is, “I don’t give a flying flip!”
I’m on the move again and I intend to show up for myself with bells on! Taking your power back from whatever is holding you back is a necessary step, letting go of people who bring you down is important but more than that, knowing that you are fully capable of handling whatever comes your way is one big leap towards moving on with life.
“There will be moments in life when showing up for yourself will mean leaving behind those who don’t.” Alex Elle
Show up, take life by the horns, and move forward decisively. Exactly what I’m doing today. The sun is showing up after the storm last night and it seems to be a clear signal to get MOVING!
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