relationships – Page 10

The Wrong Guy (Archives)

He’s the wrong guy if he does some or all of the things below. There are reasons why he’s the wrong guy so pay attention to your heart and listen to your intuition. It has your best interest at heart. The following quotes clearly speak to the heart of the matter.

“So many girls fall in love with the wrong guy simply because the wrong guy usually says all the right things.” Unknown

“The wrong man will always find reasons to leave. While, the right man will always find enough reasons to stay.” Unknown

“The wrong person makes you beg for attention, affection, love and commitment. The right person gives you these things because they love you.” Unknown

“The right attention from the wrong guy during a lonely time could fool you into thinking he might be the one.” Unknown

Loneliness creates dire circumstances and this is one of them. Finding our way to the wrong guy is made so much easier when loneliness steps in.

“Don’t settle. It’s better to face a little loneliness now than a lifetime of loneliness with the wrong person.” Mandy Hale

“When it’s the wrong person, anything you ask is too much.” Steve Maraboli

“At your absolute best, you still won’t be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right person.” Unknown

Pay special attention to this one because with the wrong guy, it is never enough. Nothing you do will be enough and he’ll find excuses for why that is so. It is not you, it is him.

“Never let the wrong man waste your time and precious energy.” Unknown

If he’s the right one, he’ll find his way to you. If he’s not, he’ll be gone in a blinding minute. Sit up and take notice before it’s too late. The wrong guy is not your destiny but rather he walks in to teach you a lesson. Love is not made up of moments spent together, IT IS moments treasured together and the wrong guy will just provide lip service with no substance to it and when it comes down to showing he cares, he’s nowhere to be found. The wrong guy will walk at a moment’s notice and will even tell you to leave while the right one will weather the storm and sometimes even walk you through that storm. Wait for that person and do not settle for anything less than love, respect and commitment.

“Ladies, the right man for you will pursue you. Actively. He won’t leave you wondering whether he’s into you or not.” Mandy Hale

AND

If you want to find happiness, stay the hell away from a**holes! This is something I have to drill into my head as well.

Have an amazing day.

BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND (Archives)

“Best Friends (circa 1910) Fred” by Museum of New Zealand/ CC0 1.0

“When you are your own best friend, you don’t endlessly seek out relationships, friendships, and validation from the wrong sources because you realize that the only approval and validation you need is your own.” Mandy Hale

How often have you looked to others for validation, to lift you up, to make you feel important, to give their approval and to make you feel loved? I know I have and found myself wallowing in self-pity or even questioning “me” as a person. I am learning that loving yourself comes first. YOU are important, what you tell yourself is important. Be kind and gentle here because the way you talk to yourself is important. Work on yourself, it is the key element to get you out of the rut. What rut? The stuck in the mud rut. Your goal is to get you moving to a better life and to feel comfortable with yourself.

Invest in Yourself

This may sound like a new concept because we spend a lot of our energy and money investing in materialistic things but in our rush to please ourselves, we forget the all-important person who is left wanting. Invest in time spent with yourself, this doesn’t take much but dedication. A walk in nature to nurture your soul, meditation to look inwards and find peace, working out to bolster your health or even spend time talking to yourself. If you have the means, pamper yourself. Go for a massage, get a facial, get a manicure or pedicure and no, it doesn’t mean you are vain. It just means you are putting yourself first and showing love to the person who matters the most and that is YOU.

Invest in your Environment

Your home is your castle? Work to make it that way. Spruce up your garden, plant flowers that give you joy when they bloom and fill your space with color. Redo your living area and or your bedroom and add things to make you feel comfortable. Make it a place you love spending time in and love coming back to but most of all, a place where you can relax and pamper your soul.

Get Rid of the Unwanted

This is hard. If you want to be your own best friend, you need to make space for the important things. Get rid of the things that bog you down, the people who make you question who you are because they are in a bad place in their lives. If their only goal in life is to bring you down to their level of despair, let them go! Sometimes getting rid of the unwanted makes room for what is needed. New friends, love, laughter, joy and peace.

Say this to yourself and mean it.

“You are hands down, my favorite person.” Unknown

Being your own best friend takes time as it is with everything that matters. Be forgiving, speak softly and lovingly to yourself, encourage yourself, love yourself and work towards looking in the mirror and loving the person staring back at you. Be your own validation and life will get easier.

How to be your own best friend:

“Look in the mirror and give yourself a high-five.

Ask yourself often, “how are you feeling?”

Cry when you need to.

Give yourself a hug.

Forgive yourself for going back to old patterns and behaviors.

Encourage yourself with words you would use to encourage a friend.” Unknown

Good luck and I am on the self-same journey.

Have an amazing day.

Mandy Hale Quotes

Mandy Hale is a blogger turned New York Times bestselling author and speaker but what captures your attention as far as her quotes are concerned is her ability to connect to the heart of the matter. She is “inspirational, straight-talking. witty” and she empowers women around the world with her quotes. Here are some of my favorites for you to enjoy.

“The only keeper of your happiness is you. Stop giving people the power to control your smile, your worth and your attitude.”

“There is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others.”

“The key to happiness is letting each situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be.”

“Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path.”

“To make a difference in someone’s life you don’t have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful, or perfect, you just have to care.”

“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.”

It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.”

“Never forget that walking away from something unhealthy is BRAVE, even if you stumble a little on your way out the door.”

“Don’t sacrifice your peace trying to point out someone’s true colors, lack of character always reveals itself in the end.”

“There is no model, no actress, no Miss America contender that can outshine a happy, confident, secure woman.”

“The real character of a person is revealed not in how they begin a relationship, but how they end one.”

The next one is where I’m at and it’s hard trusting and believing that “better” is on the way but I’m going to take that chance.

“Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible.”

Pay attention to this one. There is a whole world of truth in that one quote.

“The right man for you will move mountains to be with you, he won’t hide behind them.”

Lastly,

YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Have an amazing day.

Don’t Chase (Archives)

“You’ve got to learn to leave the table when love’s no longer being served.” Nina Simone

This quote brought a smile to my face. How often have we done exactly that? How often have we held on when it was absolutely clear that no amount of cajoling or talking someone into whatever it is you want from them was ever going to change the situation. If that someone does not love you or has stopped loving you, MOVE ON! Learn to leave with your dignity intact.

Easier said than done right? When I found out that my husband of 17 years had been cheating on me something broke within me. I can’t explain it. I became numb. After it wore off, I went into the, “I’ve got to save this marriage mode.” The truth was there was no saving what was never there. When he chose to cheat, he broke the sacred bond between us, broke the trust into a millions pieces, disrespected me and declared our love to be a non-entity. How do you save something that was broken beyond repair? Still I sat at that table. I refused to leave thinking we could go back to a semblance of what was. I cried, I begged and even made a fool of myself but chasing him after he had done wrong only gave him more power over me. He didn’t see his wife or the broken woman before him, he saw someone he could manipulate and decided that he could have his cake and eat it too. When that didn’t work, he walked chasing greener pastures so to speak. Unfortunately or fortunately, cheating never pays and soon that “green pasture” turned into a desert and it was over before he could say, “Hello!”

Commitment is a tricky thing. Sometimes we look for it in all the wrong places. We latch on and even if all the signs tell us to tread lightly we rush in refusing to budge thinking that if we just waited long enough, something will give and sitting at the table of “no love” will turn into something glorious. The truth of the matter is as Matthew Hussey put it so succinctly,

“You shouldn’t try to sell a car to someone who’s in the market for a bike.”

I am learning that I’m NOT looking for the guy who wants to buy the bike, he can have it for all I care. I don’t think I’m even trying to sell a car. These days, I know that I don’t have to sell anything. I am good enough as I am, no selling required!

“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.” Roy T. Bennett

Have an amazing day.

Finding Love (Archives)

A Series on Getting Back on Track

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Love is elusive, it has been said. It is hard to pin down said another. Sometimes it hides in plain sight but it is the one thing that we can’t live without says the heart. Sure, we can pretend that it doesn’t matter if we have love or not and convince ourselves that it is absolutely alright but in those moments when all is quiet and you’re left looking up at the night sky all lit up with a million stars, that is when your heart reminds you that there is more to life than standing here all alone surrounded by such beauty. It is at those moments that your heart yearns for something more, someone to hold, someone to share hugs and kisses with and that one special someone who will finally complete you.

“It’s impossible,” said pride.

“It’s risky,” said experience.

“It’s pointless,” said reason.

“Give it a try,” whispered the heart. Unknown.

Giving it a try is easy. Taking the risk, we’ve all tried that. Impossible and pointless? I don’t know about that but I’m on the search for love, true love. Not the “whishy washy” variety that disguises itself as love but in reality is far from it. This kind of love has the potential to break your heart in two or more pieces if given the chance but I’m looking for the type that can weather any storm. However, I have the tendency to jump in with both feet where love is concerned but I am learning as I go along. The solution could be that we need to stop doing this below.

“Stop planting flowers in peoples yards who aren’t going to water them.” Hylyrikz.com

How many times have we done that? Plenty of times? I know I’ve done that many times over knowing full well that I was stepping on dangerous ground. Yet, I kept on doing it saying, “It has potential, it could be what I’ve been looking for.” And what is that?” you might ask. Is it someone who treats you like you are ordinary? You deserve much more and I deserve much more than that. Ordinary is not my thing, has never been and will never be my thing. If someone you love treats you as “ordinary” it is time to move on and look for that someone who shows you that you are “extraordinary.”

“If he misses you, he’ll call.

If he wants you, he’ll say it.

If he cares, he’ll show it.

And if not, he can’t be worth your time.” Unknown.

This quote says it all. The journey to finding love is hard enough but if you have someone who doesn’t show you all of the above, it is time to move on. Love is not about you chasing someone with no reciprocation in return. It is the meeting of minds and of hearts but it is so much more than that. The caring will show if the love is there. Pay attention to what is shown because it will show you the reality of the situation. Which brings me to the last part.

“Never apologize for trusting your intuition – your brain can play tricks, your heart can blind, but your gut is always right.” Rachel Wolchin

Listen to your gut, we’ve heard that often enough right? How often have we turned our backs on it? I know I have more times than I can count on the fingers of one hand. It was my way of turning a blind eye when the truth was staring me in the face. I’ve walked down paths I should not have and at times the pain was unbearable but I had only myself to blame. Pay attention to that gut feeling, it only has your best interest at heart.

The path I am on is scary, the unknown always is but armed with what I have learned from 2024, I am confident that I am headed in the right direction. I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, take a couple of deep breaths and keep on moving. If I stumble along the way and fall which I know I will, it is alright. I will gather up yet another lesson learned and keep moving to the finish line. The end goal is finding love, the kind that will last a lifetime not just for the here and now. When I do find that elusive someone it will not be about completing me but more about adding to who I am and making me feel absolutely extraordinary!

There is hope.

Have an amazing day.

Sticks and Stones (Archives)

This world for as much as it is beautiful is still a cruel place. Evil lurks and strikes when you least expect it. However, the kind of evil I am going to talk about here is not the kind that can hurt you physically but the one that has the power to go deeper, much deeper.

“A dagger of words can pierce the heart more deeply than any weapon.” Unknown

We’ve heard this adage before, some of us many times over. ”Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” How often have we taken this one to heart and agreed wholeheartedly that words don’t have the potential to hurt simply because someone had the audacity to throw some unsavory words our way? Words will never hurt you? It doesn’t quite work that way does it? Words have the potential to hurt even more than sticks and stones. They have the power to cut you like a knife, they have the ability to hurt like hell, they can humiliate and maim you to the point that your world comes to a standstill.

Words have power. The good ones can lift you up but the bad ones can bring you to your knees. Labels such as, moron, imbecile, idiot or others of a more sinister nature DO HURT. They can also have an impact on a more deeper psychological level.

So choose your words carefully as you go out into the world today. What you put out there matters so let’s go out and make this world a better place, one word at a time!

Here are some of my favorite quotes that speak to the power of words.

“Be mindful when it comes to your words. A string of some that don’t mean much to you, may stick with someone else for a lifetime.” Rachel Wolchin

“Words can inspire. And words can destroy. Choose yours well.” Robin Sharma

And finally this,

“Words are powerful, they have the ability to create a moment and the strength to destroy it.” Joyce Meyer

Choose your words carefully for they have the power to hurt and much worse than sticks and stones. Whoever said, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” didn’t know what they were talking about!

Have an amazing day.

Disrespect

It is defined as “insulting someone or displaying rude behavior by showing a lack of respect.”

Have you experienced it? I have and it is not a nice thing when faced with such behavior. There are three forms of disrespect. These are known as the passive, subtle and the blatant variety.

Passive disrespect is when someone is condescending, makes insulting insinuations, gives you the silent treatment, is sarcastic and doesn’t care if it is hurtful or not. How do you deal with this kind of disrespect?

Don’t take the bait and address the issue immediately.

Subtle disrespect is when someone mocks you, when they talk behind your back and they will pretend to have forgotten things you agreed on.

Show that it doesn’t affect you or decide if you want to engage. Name the disrespectful behavior you have observed and call them out on it. Have a conversation about it but do not lecture.

Blatant disrespect is the no holds barred variety. They go out of their way to deliberately undermine or demean you. Their actions are obvious and they don’t give a hoot if it hurts you.

Here again stay calm but it is hard to do. Use “I” statements when addressing the issue and ask for clarification. You can react with kindness but since that is almost impossible to do, call the person out on his or her behavior and set boundaries as to what you will or won’t tolerate.

If all else fails, you have the option of walking away and closing the door behind you. No one should put up with disrespect. Disrespect basically says, “You are not important and your feelings don’t matter to me.” The truth is, you are important and your feelings do matter. Do not tolerate disrespect of any kind.

Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter:

“The best way to end disrespect is by not giving them a chance to do it again.” Unknown

“Disrespect is the weapon of the weak.” Alice Miller

“Wasting somebody’s time may be the highest form of disrespect.” Unknown

I like the next one a lot.

“Never let your heart be so forgiving that it gets comfortable with disrespect.” Unknown

“Don’t put up with disrespect just to keep them in your life.” Sonya Parker

“Be careful what you tolerate, you are teaching people how to treat you.” Unknown

This last one needs a plaque of its own!

Detox Your Life in 4 Easy Steps

Eliminate anyone who:

Lies to you

Disrespects you

Uses you or

Puts you down.

Have an amazing day.

This Friendship Thing

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“Sometimes you need someone to be there for you. Not to fix the problem or offer advice or do anything in particular, but simply to be there. To show up. To be present with what you’re feeling. To see what you’re going through. To see you, understand you.” Unknown

Can men and women just be friends? This is the question that popped up, “When Harry Met Sally,” and sent some of us scrambling for answers. The answer as far as I’m concerned is that it is next to impossible in most cases.

I used to be the proverbial tomboy in my younger days and as such I had some wonderful friendships with the boys I hung out with. It was nothing sexual but of the innocent variety. I had my pigtails tucked under my cap and my ensemble of shorts and t-shirt had seen better days but I was for all purposes one of the boys.

It all changed when I turned sixteen. I got asked out on my first date. He was cute and I accepted. It was also the first time that I had worn my long hair down leaving it brushed and shiny and I wore a dress for the very first time! Lo and behold, things changed after that. I was no longer “one of the boys” but someone they wanted to dance with and spend time with. However, this friendship thing was still there. I learned that boys and later men make very good friends. There is none of the bitchiness, envy or jealousy, it was just straightforward, “I’m your friend,” stuff and all that it entails.

Later during my university days “friendship” with young men was still going strong. I had lots of men friends and although some were happy to be just a friend, others wanted more and that became complicated and made things difficult.

Now, I’m finding out that men are not as simple as they seem. There is a thing called, “friends with benefits,” and it is not my thing and never has been. I’m seeking the pure friendship variety like I used to know when life was simple and innocence was front and center. The problem is no matter how hard I try to make it clear right from the start it never fails before it starts heading in an unwanted direction. Not too long ago, I had this conversation with a male friend. We’ve known each other for quite some time and we’ve done walks, lunches and dinners but nothing more. Well, just a hug or a peck on the cheek as friends do. Here’s how the conversation went.

Me: Wouldn’t it be nice to have a Pyjama Party? We can watch some movies and just talk?

Him: I would like some snacks.

Me: Sure, I can get that.

I was thinking this is going great. Just some company with no hassles whatsoever!

Him: I don’t think I can do that!

Me: Why not?

Him: I CAN’T!”

Hmm…does everything have to be sexual? He was honest and that was a good thing but I wanted my good old days back and the reality is, those days have flown the coop!

Let me ask you:

“Can men and women ever just be friends?”

“Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.” Ed Cunningham

Have an amazing day.

Staring into the Abyss

A Series on Getting Back on Track

I heard this somewhere, not sure where and not sure who said it but it stuck with me. It goes like this.

Standing on top of a cliff and looking down, I hear myself say, “What if I fall?” A voice comes back and says, “Oh, my darling, what if you fly?”

It stuck with me because there were many times when I’ve stood on that cliff and asked that very same question, “What if I fall?” I refused to contemplate that I might just fly. I stayed because I was afraid to take that step forward. Fear of the unknown kept me there, of what I couldn’t see did the rest. I knew that staying where I was would keep me captive but staring into that abyss has kept me a prisoner.

After my divorce, I stood at the crossroads and wondered which way I should go? Everything told me to take the road less travelled. Go embrace the unknown it said. ”What have you got to lose?” I stayed put and took the other turn. The one that was familiar, the one my heart knew so I embraced the pain that was still there and refused to budge.

Along my journey, I met men who reminded me of “him.” Mostly mediocre relationships with mediocre men. My heart was content because there was comfort in the familiar and I did not have to navigate unfamiliar territory. I knew the path well. Mediocre relationships is defined as a “relationship with another person which is typically a symptom of a mediocre relationship with yourself. When you don’t know yourself or honor your needs, it’s easy to stay in a mediocre relationship. Mediocre can be safe, familiar, just enough….but not deeply fulfulling or vibrant.”

Accepting how I was treated made me believe I was loved. Afterall, it was familiar territory. I felt safe thinking this is the real deal. I knew there was more out there than someone blurting out, “I love you,” without any thought as to what it really meant. It didn’t matter, I was on cloud nine but the reality was mediocre brings mediocrity. Why do we accept it? ”It comes from a fear of failing as well as not being willing to deal with others tearing you down.” The truth is, I saw it, I felt it and I accepted it and so I stayed to fight another day.

Strangely enough no matter how many times I got hurt and the truth kept staring me in the face, I held on for dear life. I was basically saying there isn’t anything better out there. Why do you need better? Isn’t this enough? The “this” being a lukewarm relationship with no substance to it. You see the person I am alluding to was having a mediocre relationship with himself and so did not see “me”, the real me, he was busy slaying his own demons. Like attracts like? Perhaps but here is where I found myself until I saw what Mark Sterling had to say.

If you want to soar in life, you must learn to

F.L.Y (First Love Yourself)

I realized at that moment that I had lost myself along the way. I had stopped loving myself, the reason for all my woes. The divorce wasn’t my fault, the aftermath painful but it had nothing to do with me. I was not the reason for the pain and suffering. It was thrown in front of me and I had to deal with it. Through it all, I put myself in the background and I learned to crawl. So here I am standing on the cliff again and staring into the abyss before me. One step forward will take me into the unknown, the uncomfortable, into the midst of terror and then I hear a voice say, “Oh, my darling, but what if you fly?”

“You were born with potential.

You were born with goodness and trust.

You were born with ideals and dreams.

You were born with greatness.

You were born with wings.

You are not meant for crawling, so don’t.

You have wings.

Learn to use them and fly. (Rumi)

Here I go.…….

Update:

I wrote this article last year. Where am I now? I’ve made some inroads but there is miles to go before I rest. I am learning, accepting, letting go and moving on. A process that is never ending it seems but I’m hoping that when I reach my goal or journey’s end, I am where I want to be. It takes courage, strength and believing that there is a better out there.

Have an amazing day.

Narcissists

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Approach with caution or not at all! You will meet many different types of people when you put yourself out there in the dating scene so be careful. Here is one type that you need to stay away from at any cost if you want to walk away with your self-esteem, your heart and your mental state intact.

A young man sat by a river gazing at his own reflection. ”How beautiful he is. I wish I can be with him forever,” he said to his reflection. He was obsessed and couldn’t pull away. Eventually he died of thirst, hunger and unrequited love. His name was Narcissus and he was the son of the river god in Greek mythology. Narcissism originated from his name.

Narcissistic personality disorder is defined as “a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships and a lack of empathy for others.” According to the Mayo Clinic definition, they also have low self-esteem and are extremely sensitive to criticism.

“The narcissist devours people, consumes their output, and casts the empty, writhing shells.” Sam Vaknin

Scary? You better believe it. Ever met one of these walking disasters on your trek into the dating world? If not, you should thank your lucky stars. If yes, you know what I am talking about. The problem is you might be in a relationship with one of these types and not even know it because they are hard to spot. Here are some signs to look out for.

The number 1 trait of a narcissist is, “an unreasonably high sense of self-importance and they require constant, excessive admiration.” If that doesn’t make you want to slam the door shut on them, the following will help you to do exactly that. They are arrogant, lack empathy, are entitled, have feelings of superiority and grandiosity and they have a need to be powerful, successful, smart, admired or loved. They usually get away with wrongdoings and when denial doesn’t work, they turn to rage and all this at your cost I might add.

According to Dr. Brenda Wade, narcissists only think of themselves first and foremost, they want to win, they do not care about your feelings, they are always manipulating for their own personal gain and benefit and they make you think that you are the problem. Finally, gaslighting is their stock and trade.

Why haven’t you noticed these traits right from the start? It seems there is this thing called the ‘fantasy’ phase where you are idolized, more specifically it’s the where you can do nothing wrong phase, but it goes downhill from there.

“The narcissist is like a bucket with a hole in the bottom: No matter how much you put in, you can never fill it up. The phrase, “I never feel like I am enough” is the mantra of the person in a narcissistic relationship. That’s because to your narcissistic partner, you are not. No one is. Nothing is.” Ramani Durvasula.

If you have been in one of these relationships you might walk away questioning your self-worth, what you stand for and won’t stand for and more often than not it leaves you broken to the core afraid to step out there again. Where? The world of dating is fraught with many minefields as I have said before and this particular breed is nasty, uncaring and not worth your time. If you are going to be out there, arm yourself first with knowledge and if you should by chance meet a narcissist, RUN don’t walk!

“It’s so nice when toxic people stop talking to you. It’s like the trash took itself out.” Karen Salmansohn

Or this:

Relationships with narcissists are held in place by the hope of a ‘someday better,’ with little evidence to support it will ever arrive.” Ramani Durvasula

Finally this:

The Narcissist’s Prayer

That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, that’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did, you deserved it. By Dayna Craig

She nailed it folks!

Stay safe and have an amazing day.