resilience – Site Title

Fragments of Yesterday (Archives)

“And then, just like that, my heart broke. My face crumpled, my composure went and I held him tightly and I stopped caring that he could feel the shudder of my sobbing body because grief swamped me. It overwhelmed me and tore at my heart and my stomach and my head and it pulled me under, and I couldn’t bear it. I honestly thought I couldn’t bear it.” Jojo Moyes

That last line held me in its grip and I went along for the ride for as long as it took. “I couldn’t bear it,” was my mantra when the dream splintered into a thousand pieces and lay in fragments at my feet. “This couldn’t be happening to me!” was my other cry but none of that mattered because the end had arrived and there was no going back to what was.

Cheating is one of the most despicable things one human being can do to another. If truth be told, it happens all the time. It has become a norm in this easy come, easy go world of ours. When it happens, you find yourself going under, and in my case I lost my best friend, a long-time life partner I had known and trusted for a long time. The aftermath is hard to describe. I went from a confident woman to someone I didn’t recognize anymore. There was sadness and of course tears but that line, “I couldn’t bear it,” was the slogan that kept me in the hole that someone else had dug for me.

However, let me tell you, YOU are fully capable of bearing it! It may seem like all is lost and you may feel like you’re looking at absolute darkness but I assure you that you’ll find your way into the light as I did. It took courage, strength, forgiving yourself for what wasn’t your fault and to slowly rise again. Rise again you must because you have no other choice! Let me also tell you that you are enough and those “fragments” of a shattered heart will learn to mend itself. You will learn to look at love and life through different glasses and the next time around when love walks in, you will know better.

“Over the years, confusing fragments, lost corners of stories, have a clearer meaning when seen in a new light, a different place.” Michael Ondaatje

I’ve changed from that young and trusting person I used to be. I thought love once yours would remain forever. I gave my trust to a man who had vowed to love me forever, had called me the love of his life and because best friends don’t hurt each other, I had thought we would make it to the very end. Wrong!

However, I can’t change what I want.

“And that was the cause of my heartache. I wanted everything or nothing at all. I’m not impressed by bits, parts, or almost. I’m a seeker of that which is whole, full, and complete. Completely mine or completely not.” Unknown

If that is in the cards for me is left to be seen. Only time will tell. You can overcome the insurmountable and even though you will carry those scars for a lifetime, you are built to survive. You are strong, you are resilient and you are beautiful. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror after it happened. I felt UGLY! It took time to overcome that as well.

Cheating causes emotional turmoil, mental health issues, a trust deficit, low self-esteem and sometimes PTSD-like symptoms. Sounds daunting doesn’t it? IT IS! However, the YOU within is capable of overcoming pain and resilient enough to overcome the challenges that it entails.

“You’re not broken. You’re just becoming. Unfolding slowly – like petals in spring. Give yourself time. ”

AND

“What sticks to memory, often are those odd little fragments that have no beginning and no end….” Tim OBrien

Be kind to yourself, love yourself, build yourself up and learn that those “fragments” which were part of your yesterday can help you towards a better tomorrow. Here’s the thing, YOU CAN BEAR IT!

Have an amazing day.

THE JOURNEY (Archives)

Edmund Hillary once said, “It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” There is much truth in that one statement. In order to conquer the mountain, metaphorically speaking, we have to conquer ourselves first.

More often than not, we place lines and boundaries around ourselves that stop us from moving forward, both knowingly and unknowingly. I have talked about the stories we tell ourselves in another article and it still stands true. The narratives we tell keeps us from achieving goals we set for ourselves. We say, “I can’t,” which is often the first response. What if we changed that narrative to, “I can.” Worth trying?

The thing I need to conquer first and foremost is fear. This four-letter word has kept me from achieving so much in my life. Whatever comes my way is usually DOA because fear steps in and tells me why I am incapable of doing something which might sound rational at the time but it is usually only in my head. The fear factor has kept me safe BUT it has also stopped me from experiencing life at its fullest. I know I need to break out of the well-insulated cocoon I am in and test the waters, or at least to get my feet wet. Not saying you should throw caution to the wind but talking about those small steps to conquer that mountain called life.

“Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.” Judy Blume

Overcoming obstacles is next in line. My first reaction to any obstacle is to cringe and than I tend to shy away from it. Perhaps normal behavior in the grand scheme of things but it would be so much easier if I looked at it, whatever it is, in the eye and made a conscious decision to break it down to what it really is. Most times, it is a wrinkle rather than a mountain that I in my innate human self make it out to be. I am learning but it takes time.

“Obstacles are like wild animals. They are cowards but they will bluff you if they can. If they see you are afraid of them….they are able to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight.” Orison Swett Marden.

Acceptance is hard and most times I go through an almost impossible obstacle course of my own making before I can say, “It’s going to be alright. I have accepted the unchangeable and it is time to move on.” This step never comes easily and it takes time but that again is the intricate ways of life or simply of my own choosing. The important thing is that I am learning to accept and to let go instead of giving up and kow-towing to defeat. I want to get to the top of the mountain with bells ringing and with my sanity intact! I still have a long ways to go but I am making progress.

“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” Michael J. Fox

However, there is no point in setting out on a journey when there are no clear cut goals because running around in circles is a waste of time and having the courage to know and accept what is needed to make that journey is the way to go. Start with yourself. Be strong enough to get rid of what is not needed, set your focus and start moving to the end goal. Light up your soul, eradicate the stumbling blocks of which there are many I am sure, move with purpose and look towards the path in front of you, one small step at a time. This is exactly what I plan to do.

“Aim for the sky, but move slowly, enjoying every step along the way, it is all those little steps that make the journey complete.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

THE JOURNEY (Archives)

More often than not, we place lines and boundaries around ourselves that stop us from moving forward, both knowingly and unknowingly. I have talked about the stories we tell in another article and it still stands true. The narratives we tell keeps us from achieving goals we set for ourselves. We say, “I can’t,” which is often the first response. What if we changed that narrative to, “I can.” Worth trying?

Overcoming obstacles is next in line. My first reaction to any obstacle is to cringe and than I tend to shy away from it. Perhaps normal behavior in the grand scheme of things but it would be so much easier if I looked it, whatever it is, in the eye and made a conscious decision to break it down to what it really is. Most times, it is a wrinkle rather than a mountain that I in my innate human self make it out to be. I am learning but it takes time.

Acceptance is hard and most times I go through an almost impossible obstacle course of my own making before I can say, “It’s going to be alright. I have accepted the unchangeable and it is time to move on.” This step never comes easily and it takes time but that again is the intricate ways of life or simply of my own choosing. The important thing is that I am learning to accept and let go instead of giving up and kow-towing and accepting defeat. I want to get to the top of the mountain with bells ringing and with my sanity intact! I still have a long ways to go but I am making progress.

“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” Michael J. Fox

“Aim for the sky, but move slowly, enjoying every step along the way, it is all those little steps that make the journey complete.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Change Your Strategy (Archives)

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels.com

“Failure is hard. But turn those failures into learning experiences, so that you’ll look back and be happy that you failed, because you gained more knowledge from that experience. Sometimes, it’s simply an indication to change your strategy instead of giving up completely.” Albert Rogers

“Change your strategy” is often used in the business world to place emphasis on a module that is not working so it’s time to regroup and refocus your energy into bringing in new options to make whatever is not working into a workable one. This concept works in real-life as well. If something doesn’t work, change it. Seems like a great idea at first glance but hard to put into action if you love the ‘plan’ you’ve put into action and are dead set against changing it. If you’re someone who doesn’t like change like yours truly here, it is a concept that is hard to comprehend let alone to work with.

“Waiting for something outside you to change before you change is a broken strategy. Fix it by deciding to be someone different and do something different. Transformation happens from the inside out if you take action.” Unknown

Taking that into account, it seems like the most sensible way to go about changing failure into a success story. The problem is you must want to. It’s not going to work any other way. Pinpoint the problem, refocus your energy, find ways to take a failure and change it into a winning solution and put it into action. If you think you’re doing everything right and you still don’t understand why you’re failing then it’s time to really look at what you’re doing and find a different way of doing it. There’s more than one way to skin a cat as the euphemism goes and no matter how offensive that might be, being a cat lover myself, it just means there are other ways of doing something. Don’t get stuck in a rut. Be open to change and change your strategy. However, there are times when you can do everything possible until you’re blue in the face and still the same old failure concept comes knocking at your door and if that’s the case, do not despair. You’ll get there, just keep trying.

Learn to roll with the punches, keep getting back up when life knocks you down and never ever give up.

“When you face failures, don’t change your goal, change your strategy.” Vivek Bindra

I’ve experienced life in all its wonderful and not so wonderful facets and the one that I hate or hated the most was change. My motto was, “Why fix something if it ain’t broke.” The actual thought behind that was, “I like where I’m at, good or bad and change is for the birds!” It took years of resistance, falling down, refusing to get back up and digging my heels in AND screaming, “Leave me alone!” to realize that change is an integral part of life. It teaches us in a not so nice way that it’s needed, falling makes you gain experience and you learn that YOU are not God. So move along, embrace change before it’s too late. I learned it the hard way and I still bristle when I see ‘change’ coming around but these days I’m ready to embrace it, learn what it has to offer and to accept it for what it is. A lesson learned because that lesson had to be learned.

“Failure is nothing more than a chance to revise your strategy.” Unknown

Oops! I’ve got to run. I see ‘change’ approaching wearing a smile on its face and with bells clanging and I’m not in the mood for it today. Just kidding.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY.

Flexibility (Archives)

“We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.” Unknown

If you are strong-willed like I am, this is a hard one to stomach or swallow. I think I’m as stiff as a rod when it comes to being flexible. I can bend and sway with the best of them but changing what I am accustomed to is a hard ask and it doesn’t happen easily for me. It takes a very long time. You can drag me to the water but making me drink is another thing altogether!

“True flexibility can only be achieved through constant adaptation to new circumstances.” Janna Cachola

Deepak Chopra says, “Flexibility opens infinite possibilities, rigidity closes them.”

And that right there is my problem. I am set in my ways and instead of adapting to changes, I usually want to control the situation hoping it will stay the same because adaptation in all its forms means accepting the inevitable and moving on and that is a hard thing to do. It doesn’t matter if “change” would bring about something better. I see it as this unknown monster that needs slaying in order to start anew and that is frightening to say the least.

I have to learn that, “Being flexible means not reacting but actively adjusting to life’s twists and turns. Face the unexpected with resilience, and every challenge becomes an opportunity.” Unknown

It’s not that I am a novice at adjusting to life’s twists and turns. I’ve had more than my share of it but each time something unforeseen happens and I’m left to stare change in the face, I pull back, run to the corner yelling, “Go Away! Leave Me Alone! Not You Again!”

Unfortunately, moving on and accepting changes is what life is all about isn’t it? Nothing remains the same forever, well maybe death but even then there are grey areas. So my next goal is to work with “flexibility” and embrace it as much as I can but not become best friends with it. I don’t want it showing up at my front door too often but when it does I will be gracious and in so doing, I hope it will leave me in peace!

“How strange that the grass is all that remains standing after the storm,” said the Boy.

“Sometimes being soft is strong,” said the Rabbit.

Flexibility is needed to go up against life’s challenges and change is often the result. Acceptance is the next step and moving on is inevitable. That said, flexibility is needed not to direct the wind, that is an impossible task, but to tweak it to where it is manageable and that folks takes many many lessons to learn. I know I’ll never be perfect at it, nothing in life ever is but I’m learning to stand my ground and to bend with resilience and to bounce back when necessary.

“Bamboo is flexible, bending with the wind but never breaking, capable of adapting to any circumstance. It suggests resilience, meaning that we have the ability to bounce back even from the most difficult times.” Ping Fu

Here’s to flexibility, you’re not my best friend but I hope you’ll be gentle with me the next time you come around.

Have an amazing day.

RUMI (Archives)

Jalal al-Din Rumi was a 13th century poet. He was born in Afghanistan and he was a Sufi mystic whose poetry embraces themes of “overcoming fear and persevering through challenges.” He speaks of finding strength in vulnerability and to be grateful for whatever comes. I find courage and beauty in his words and it touches my soul AND his words are one of great wisdom.

“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.”

I do act small when first faced with adversity but it is only a matter of time before I rise again knowing that I can deal with this too.

“I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.”

This one speaks to who I am, I am one with nature and I find freedom with the animals and the bird life and often I want to sing like I used to as a young child not caring who listens or who is watching. I do that with my writing too.

“If everything around you seems dark, look again, you may be the LIGHT.”

Simply beautiful and when darkness surrounds seeing the light in you doesn’t seem like a bad thing to me.

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.”

This one tugged at my heart when I first saw it. My first thought, I don’t feel the light but he is speaking of another kind of light, the kind that teaches and heals.

“The moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given, the door will open.”

Moving on requires acceptance and that is precisely the point here. Done that many times over.

“When you go through a hard period, when everything seems to oppose you, when you feel you cannot even bear one more minute, NEVER GIVE UP! Because it is the time and place that the course will divert!”

I guess you have to hit ground zero before life turns around. Can we make it a little easier please?

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”

This one makes grieving a little less painful, at least it did for me.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today, I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

This last one is so poetic. Yes I wanted to change the world, I still do but nowadays it is more about changing “me” first.

Have an amazing day.

Morgan Harper Nichols

Morgan Harper Nichols was born in Hamilton, New Zealand. She is an American Christian musician, songwriter and poet. Her quotes, however, are poignant and it is about finding beauty in the ordinary, embracing imperfection and growth tinged with resilience and hope. Here is a sampling of her brilliant work. Her words speak to the heart and has the ability to light up your day. Enjoy.

“and perhaps what made her beautiful was not her appearance or what she achieved, but in her love and in her courage, and her audacity to believe: no matter the darkness around her, light ran wild within her, and that was the way she came alive, and it showed up in everything.”

“And if everything does not fall into place at the same time and pace, that does not mean that the years you’ve waited have somehow been a waste. Keep planting, sowing, living, and knowing that beautiful things take time, and that’s okay.”

“Take photographs of everything. You never know how long these moments will be here. Things are going to change.”

“Even in the moments when you feel directionless, you can still find the courage to take another step.”

“Words matter so speak kind words to yourself.”

“Perhaps, even here, I am growing. When the days are long, and I do not feel as strong, and when the hours go by slower than they ever have before, and the sun is shining, and I am lost indoor, perhaps even here, I am growing.”

“Never let anyone who cannot bear your pain make you feel you are unbearable.”

“Tell the story of the mountains you’ve climbed. Your words could become a part of someone else’s survival guide.”

AND

“When you start to feel like things should have been better this year, remember the mountain and valleys that got you here.”

Have an amazing day.

Fragments of Yesterday

“Over the years, confusing fragments, lost corners of stories, have a clearer meaning when seen in a new light, a different place.” Michael Ondaatje

I’ve changed from that young and trusting person I used to be. I thought love once yours would remain forever. I gave my trust to a man who had vowed to me forever, had called me the love of his life and because best friends don’t hurt each other, I had thought we would make it to the very end. Wrong!

However, I can’t change what I want.

“You’re not broken. You’re just becoming. Unfolding slowly – like petals in spring. Give yourself time. ”

AND

“What sticks to memory, often are those odd little fragments that have no beginning and no end….” Tim OBrien

Have an amazing day.

The “Me” Concept (Archives)

Who am I? Sounds simple enough but this is a hard one to answer. It encompasses all of you, the big picture so to speak. Who you are, what you stand for, what shaped you and the experiences that have made you, the “YOU” of today are all part and parcel of this concept. Understanding yourself is vital to how you interact with the world around you. There is only one YOU, and your identity is unique, It is made up of your values, your beliefs, your relationships and your experiences and that in a nutshell is who you are as a person.

However, interacting with the world around you is not always an easy thing to do. It is much bigger than you are and sometimes downright scary. Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter and might even help with where you are in the grand scheme of things as far as your world is concerned.

“Focus on the step in front of you, not the whole staircase.” Unknown

One step at a time if you want to get somewhere and looking at that whole journey might just be a tad too overwhelming to say the least. Do it slowly and carefully and you’ll get there when the time is right.

“Once you learn how to be happy, you won’t tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less.” Unknown

Absolutely worth taking a note of. How often do we hang around people who make us feel less than we are? It is time to clean house and start afresh with people worthy of your company.

“The problem isn’t that your friends aren’t showing up for you…

The problem is that you’re still calling them friends.” Unknown

“You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with.

Choose carefully” Unknown

How true? Choose your friends carefully and the rest will fall into place.

“If you ever find yourself in the wrong story,

LEAVE.” Mo Willems

If something is not working and it becomes a struggle, change your strategy. You are not stuck where you are, there is always a way out to start anew.

“She wanted something else, something different, something more, passion and romance, perhaps, or maybe quiet conversations in candlelit rooms, or perhaps something as simple as not being second.” Nicholas Sparks

There you have it. Stop being the option and start being the priority. Stop choosing people who do not choose you.

Understand this….

“You can sound confident and have anxiety. You can look healthy but feel like shit. You can look happy and be miserable inside. You can be good looking and feel ugly. So be kind, because every person is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” Unknown

JUST BE KIND

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.

Watch your words, for they become actions.

Watch your actions, for they become habits.

Watch your habits, for they become character.

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

This actually speaks to the whole concept of who you are. What you do eventually becomes your character. Choose wisely and do the right thing.

“Learn to be done with people, not mad, not bothered but just done.” Unknown

This is hard for someone like me. It takes a lot to say I am done but I am learning. Sometimes it is a matter of survival the choices you make. Choose wisely.

“In the end, she became more than what she expected. She became the journey, and like all journeys, she did not end. She simply changed directions and kept going.” Unknown

This last one is poignant. I am on a journey of self-discovery and self-development and in so doing I am learning to give up what does not serve me, to change directions and to move towards what does. Not always easy I know but this is where self-awareness and self-worth comes in to guide you and to make it just a little less scarier than it is.

Have an amazing day.

Flexibility (Archives)

“We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.” Unknown

If you are strong-willed as I am, this is a hard one to stomach or swallow. I think I’m as stiff as a rod when it comes to being flexible. I can bend and sway with the best of them but changing what I am accustomed to is a hard ask and it doesn’t happen easily for me. It takes a very long time. You can drag me to the water but making me drink is another thing altogether!

“True flexibility can only be achieved through constant adaptation to new circumstances.” Janna Cachola

Deepak Chopra says, “Flexibility opens infinite possibilities, rigidity closes them.”

“How strange that the grass is all that remains standing after the storm,” said the Boy.

“Sometimes being soft is strong,” said the Rabbit.

Here’s to flexibility, you’re not my best friend but I hope you’ll be gentle with me the next time you come around.

Have an amazing day.