December 2024 – Page 5

Christmastime

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

There’ll be much mistletoeing

And hearts will be glowing

When loved ones are near

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

That song captures Christmas in a nutshell and it is the most wonderful time of the year, that’s true. It’s a time for lights, glitter, trees decked out in holiday cheer, and the scents and sounds of Christmas. Houses trimmed in lights, Santa and his elves taking centerstage and a time for joy and celebration. However, it is also a time for loneliness to take hold and for some of us a reminder that we are lacking in some aspects.

Memories of Christmases past gnaw at our insides as we miss the people who are no longer there, the ones who put a smile on our faces at Christmases past and there will be a feeling of not being whole and complete without them. It’s the time of year that brings home the fact that YOU are alone when others are gathering to celebrate the festival of cheer. It is a time to give thanks but also for mourning losses.

“Isn’t it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for I don’t know what exactly, but it’s something that you don’t mind so much not having at other times.” Katy L. Basher

I miss the big Christmases when mom and dad were there. The scent of duck roasting along with chestnuts and all the other goodies filling the air with anticipation and carollers trooping into the house shortly before midnight their angelic voices spreading good cheer to all. Later, when I had my own family, I remember the twinkle in my son’s eyes as he eyed the presents under the tree and watched as Christmas slowly began to unfold with good food, joy, grandma and grandpa and his mom and dad gathered around the fireplace. Much, much later, I remember Christmases with my dear friend, the one who passed away, and with my son but sans my ex and his family. Christmas was getting smaller but still a joyful affair. Fast forward to the here and now and it will be just Chachi, the cat, and yours truly this year. I’ve toned down the lights, Santa is in the cellar and won’t be spreading his brand of good cheer at the front door like he does every year and the tree will be missing. It will be a lonely Christmas because my son will be spending it somewhere else. I could have company if I wanted to but I’ve decided to do it alone this year.

I’ve come to the conclusion that Christmas is a feeling that we accentuate with presents, food, decorations, music, family and friends. Some will say it is hyped-up to the extent that we forget what it is really about. It is about the birth of Jesus in a manger a long time ago. He came to give us love, hope and joy and this is worth celebrating. All the rest is just icing on the cake, nothing more, nothing less.

This Christmas I will celebrate that message wholeheartedly because “goodness” is much needed in this world of ours where “bad” often takes top priority. Someone told me yesterday that the bad people are not being held accountable for the evil they put into this world and I agreed with him but that it only seems that way. I told him that I believe that they will pay the price when the time is right. He disagreed but that’s his opinion and that’s alright too.

Coming back to Christmas, if you’re dreading it, it’s time to change that mindset. Be grateful, be thankful and turn “loneliness” into something marvelous. Sometimes being alone is a Godsent. You have YOU and I’ve got my little guy in the fur coat to put good cheer on my face.

We’ll Get Through It!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Have an amazing day.

The Blame Game

It’s easy to blame someone or something for where we’re at in life, isn’t it? We, as humans, tend to look for excuses and reasons as to why we’re at a low point in life. It’s easy to say, “You’re the reason why or this happened and that’s the reason why.”

Perhaps we should turn it around and ask ourselves how much of the blame do we carry ourselves? Sure, there are reasons, excuses and sometimes legit circumstances for looking for somewhere or someone to place the blame on, however, if you’re honest with yourself, much of the responsibility lies on your shoulders and yours alone.

People can trigger certain outcomes but it is how you decide to deal with the situation that defines how you handle it and where you go from here.

“It’s easy to be the victim. It’s easy to point the finger of blame. It’s easy to stay stuck and unhappy.

I don’t do easy.” Bruce Van Horn

I don’t either. I’ve been stuck before and refused to move and I have been totally unhappy but I don’t stay there for long. My mom once told me, “If you fall, dust off and get back on that horse.” It seemed silly at the time but that piece of advice has stood the test of time. Sometimes it takes a while before I get moving again and yes, at times I look for ways to deflect and to put the blame on someone else because that would be the easiest option to the problem at hand but it is also the way to not take responsibility for my part in the situation. Did I let it happen? Did I see it coming and chose not to do something about it? More importantly, how much blame do I give myself for what happened?

The thing is, situations happen, circumstances happen and life happens. Looking for easy options rather than looking for solutions is not going to get you out of where you’re at.

Remember:

“When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself.” Louis Nizer

Why do we blame others?

According to innerbalanceaz.com, it’s because”

It’s easy

It feeds a need for control

It fuels a desire for perfectionism

It keeps them from having to be vulnerable

It protects their ego

It unloads backed-up feelings

Furthermore, “it offers a quick escape from guilt and is effortless when feeling defensive.”

However, if you get good at the blame game, you become so adept at it that it may even feel good in the beginning but it is a losing game in the end. Blaming leads to more blaming, it leads you to feelings of helplessness, it stunts your personal growth because you’ll always be looking for the easy way out and you form unhealthy relationships because blaming triggers mistrust and judgment which in turn pushes people away.

Taking responsibility is hard and we don’t do ‘hard’ too well, do we? Guess what? Hard is needed to turn that ‘point finger’ inwards and to take some of the blame yourself. It is also needed to get you to where you want to go in life and easy is not going to cut it. The next time you take aim at someone to place the blame on them, look at yourself and then go from there.

“It’s easy to blame everyone and everything for our failures and lack of success isn’t it…that means we don’t have to do anything to change….

Blaming gets you off the hook…..but it will never get you the life you dream of.”

ONLY RESPONSIBILITY WILL DO THAT.

TAKE THAT RESPONSIBILITY.

Have an amazing day.

Toxic People

We’ve met them, had to deal with them and been in relationships with them. I’m talking about toxic people. We’ve suffered the consequences but still carried on hoping that change would come. It never does. The outcome is always the same. It is often accompanied by pain and confusion. I’ve come to the conclusion that there is little you can do to change a ‘toxic’ person but you can protect yourself.

In order to deal with a toxic person you need to know their modus operandi or rather how they operate in their world. According to The Mind Journal, there are six types of toxic people.

THE NARCISSIST

Only cares about themselves

Lacks empathy

Truly believes they are better than everyone around them.

THE CONTROLLER

Tries to control everything around them.

Needs to be in charge of every decision.

Makes you feel like you can’t do anything right.

THE DRAMA MAGNET

Feeds off of gossip and drama

Drama seems to ‘follow them’ (they create it).

Puts you in uncomfortable positions.

THE ENERGY VAMPIRE

Drains you of energy, overwhelms you.

Creates problems and feeds on the negativity.

Criticizes and bullies you.

THE COMPULSIVE LIAR

Tells white lies constantly.

Manipulates and gaslights you.

Master of guilt trips.

THE GREEN EYED

Cannot be happy for other people’s good fortune.

Plays the victim

Minimizes other people to feel better about themselves.

These people often bring conflict, negativity and confusion not to mention pain into your life. Dealing with them is like walking on a minefield not suspecting anything would go wrong but eventually it does because they are wired a certain way. They are manipulative, oftentimes abusive and they will find ways to justify their behavior. Remorse never crosses their mind and taking accountability for their actions is a never never thing. They usually take without giving back.

“Just remember, we are all toxic. Every single human being is capable of being toxic, has been, currently is at times.

But some people have the desire to be educated on it and do better while others will ignore any accountability and continue to act the same way.”

Pay Attention

It is not clear why we keep doing circles around toxic people? Perhaps it has something to do with stupidity and the definition of stupid goes like this.

“Knowing the truth, seeing the truth, but still believing the lies.” Unknown

Toxic people for all their flaws can be magnetic. They tend to pull you in and make you want to stay for awhile and if love is involved, it brings a whole new dimension with it.

“Love is 50% stupid and 50% brilliant. The challenge is figuring out which part of it you’re experiencing at any given moment.” Unknown

Once you’ve figured out that you’ve hitched your yoke to a toxic person and don’t know what to do, the following quote might just help.

You don’t ever have to feel guilty about Removing Toxic People From Your Life.

“It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance, you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and “continues” to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.” Unknown

Painful but short and sweet and perhaps this is the only language that ‘toxic’ people understand. Unfortunately.

Have an amazing day.

STOP!

Photo by Linda Eller-Shein on Pexels.com

It’s Time To STOP

Letting others decide your worth.

Forcing unhealthy connections.

Trying to ‘fix’ other people.

Dismissing your own feelings.

Thinking it’s too late to start.

Dwelling on past mistakes.

Overanalyzing everything you do. (WiseLivn)

Couldn’t have said it better myself. Time to put those items into practice. The hardest will be the last one. I do overanalyze everything to the point that I start out with something small and by the time I finish with it, it has been blown to gigantic proportions.

Note to Self: STOP DOING THAT!

Have an amazing day.

MOVE!

Movement is needed in all aspects of our lives. Digging in your heels and staying put never works. It might for a short time but never in the long run. When life shows us its idiosyncrasies, human nature is quick to respond and oftentimes we respond by digging in our heels and thumping our nose at it. The problem is the more you dig in your heels, the bleaker life feels, that’s because:

“If we were meant to stay in one place, we’d have roots instead of feet.” Rachel Wolchin

What is the true meaning of life? Many have tried to find a definition but no one knows for sure. One thing is for sure and that is LIFE HAPPENS. It doesn’t stand still and it moves faster than we want it to at times.

“Once a wise man was asked, ‘What’s the meaning of life?’ He replied, ‘Life itself has no meaning. Life is an opportunity to create meaning.’

However, to create meaning out of something that is handed to you and you don’t want to face head on is hard, very hard. First thought that comes to mind when I’m faced with ‘hard’ is, I am going to dig in my heels and ignore it for all its worth. Life, on the other hand, is not going to take no for an answer. Adapt or stay where you are and deal with the consequences of your non-action and that, my friend, could be worse than what it throws your way. If you want to have the upper hand, you’ve got to MOVE!

John Wooden says,

“If we fail to adapt, we fail to move forward.”

Ain’t that the absolute truth? In order to accept and move on, you first have to change your mindset and make a conscious effort to move on. Where? There are no clear-cut answers and that is the scary part. It seems the outcome is all up to you. Putting one foot in front of the other is needed and taking small steps is needed too. Staring at the four walls in front of you and howling at the moon is not going to do it. You need to MOVE!

You need to take what is handed to you, sieve through the pieces and make sense out of it. Say, I can do this and go do whatever it is that needs to be done and do it. This move is not for the weak of heart. It takes courage and unrelenting strength plus trust that it will all turn out well in the end. Sometimes all it takes to climb that insurmountable mountain is attitude. A positive attitude combined with never giving up will get you to the top of the mountain and beyond. MOVE!

Albert Einstein once said:

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”

I like this one better.

“Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.” Charles M. Schulz

Always remember, you can’t start the next chapter of your life, if you choose to stay in one place and refuse to MOVE! Don’t let life pass you by. Keeping up is what it is all about.

MOVE!

Have an amazing day.

Press Reset

Photo by Natasha Fernandez on Pexels.com

“Don’t forget power in resetting, on any given day…you are allowed to start over, if you feel like you’re going down the wrong path, RESET.” Reyna Biddy

When the sun goes down and you find yourself staring at another day ending and you realize that progress is not being made, hit the “RESET” button. You are not stuck even though it might feel that way at times but you have the power to change whatever it is you want to change in your life. You need the mindset, know what it is you’re after, hit “reset” meaning clear the slate and start over again. .

It is not that simple I know. In fact, it might be one of the hardest things you’ll have to do because changing your mindset is not easy and it is not simple either. Old habits die hard and sometimes they are hard to give up because there is comfort in hanging on to things that feel comfortable even if in reality they are not. Laziness, putting out the least effort possible and waiting for the world to reward you for nothing in particular is not going to work and it has never worked.

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” C. S. Lewis

It takes YOU to change your place in the world. Where you stand, how high or low you are in the grand scheme of things all depends on you but one thing is clear, progress needs hard work. It means falling down a few more times than you wanted to but always keeping your eyes on the prize. If you want that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you’ve got to go after it. It is human nature to want to make life simple but it has other plans for us. Life is about learning from your mistakes, saying “no” to easy and knowing that you’ve got to throw yourself into “hard” to make it happen. Falling down is part and parcel of this thing called life but standing back up and moving forward gives you another chance, another opportunity to reach your end goal. You need to be better and you need to set yourself apart from the ordinary to make it. Sparkles and sunshine sounds good but it is going to take grit and determination to get you there.

Hitting “reset” and doing the same old things over and over again is not going to do it either. You need to “refocus” to get things going again. If something is not working, focus on what it is and change it. Try different angles and attitudes and at some point you’ll get it right, at least I hope I will at some point in time. Until then, I’ll hit “reset” as many times as I need to and I’ll tell the “victim mentality” I carry around with me which keeps me from achieving my goals to hit the door as well!

So if you’re standing where I have been many many times before and watching the sun set on another fruitless day, hit “RESET.” Tomorrow is on its way, it’s a new day to work your magic on a blank slate and to have your name written there as a success story. It’s all up to you.

Reset, refocus, readjust, restart, as many times as you need to. JUST NEVER GIVE UP!” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Shaking Things Up!

Monotony is up in the air today and perhaps out the door. I’ve decided to shake things up! I’m going from the normal routine of taking a walk in the fields and keeping company with just the wildlife and nature to moving it to the city for a change.

Chachi, the cat, knows something is up and keeps looking at me suspiciously. He knows that his mom is up to something but he doesn’t know what it is yet. Does he care? Not one little bit. He is back to his normal routine of taking his place by the window seat and watching his kind of TV from the kitchen window. He is relishing life as it was meant to be in his world, relishing it from a cat’s point of view that is.

I usually meet a girlfriend for breakfast at our favorite cafe but she is away visiting family and instead of staying home, I decided to go it alone. I am not someone who loves hanging out at cafes or bars so this was going to be a very different experience.

The small but tastefully furnished cafe is all lit up with Christmas lights and there is a cozy atmosphere about it which is right up my alley. It’s a small Italian-style place which serves Italian ice specialties in summer but when the weather turns and gets colder, they revert to an indoor place serving the best coffee in town and breakfast to boot. It is the perfect place to meet up with friends but for today it is serving as my place to break new ground.

The young Italian men running the place are more than welcoming. They’ve seen me here many times before but never alone. I’ve always had someone by my side. Today, it was different. It was cozy as usual, only today it had a warmth that was hard to describe. Just a lovely feeling of being at home. I spotted the cakes lined up in the glass case, Tiramisu and Black Forest cake but no cheesecake! Never mind because that was waiting for me at the bakery across the walkway.

I took my seat at the window which was perfect for people watching as well. I ordered my usual cup of coffee, two scrambled eggs, bacon, some salad and a bread roll. Looking out the window I could see that it was cold and add the wind to it and it was not a comforting day at all. The people were bundled up and battling the wind and the cold, their faces red as their breath streamed out like dragon’s fire! I was glad I was indoors.

The promenade was lit up with lights galore and a Christmas tree all decked out took its place of honor. Suddenly, more people started coming in and it started getting noisy. I couldn’t let my thoughts run rampant anymore and to take me to where I wanted to go, just nowhere special. Looking across the room, I spotted a guy looking my way. I had seen him there last week. This time he smiled and I smiled back, just being friendly. Then he gave a slight wave and I waved back. An invitation of sorts? I wasn’t staying to find out. Men are out of the picture for now as far as I am concerned!

I left the cafe feeling full of energy and something else. Not sure what it was but it felt good for a change. A slight drizzle was starting but it was not going to dampen my spirit. I headed to the bakery to pick up my daily dose of cheesecake. The lady had a big grin on her face as she said, “One whole cheesecake?”

Me sheepishly: “Yes, please.”

It is a foregone conclusion that I have no willpower when it comes to cheesecake! Heading home, I decided, it was time for a walk as well. Why not go all the way, right?

The fields were covered in fog and there was nothing moving out there. Even the crows had taken refuge and nothing, absolutely NOTHING was at play today. Suddenly, I spotted the lone heron standing dead-center on the path I was on. Its underbelly gleamed white as it stood there motionless, again statue-like as I kept approaching. My heart caught in my throat. Perhaps I will get to touch it today but just as that thought crossed my mind, it took off into the air and to a place unknown.

Making my way back, the wind was relentless as it whipped my long hair around. It was showing no mercy today. Wishing I had piled it on my head and fastened it with a clip as I usually do but there was no chance of that now. So I let the wind have its way and walked home thinking it is going to take extra brushing to get the tangles out. Then I saw the big puddle of muddy water and my eyes lit up and skipped a beat. Seeing no one around, I jumped in gleefully and it joined in deliriously. That, folks, was a perfect ending to just half a day of shaking things up. My idea of it anyway. I came home looking like a wet rat with my boots and jeans splashed with mud BUT with a huge grin on my face! The rest of the day will be tame if not downright boring! Who knows and I’m in a rebellious mood so will see what comes up next. I might just decide to go jump in the duck puddles as I used to as a young girl!!

Have an amazing day.

WHY?

I had an interesting discussion with a girlfriend yesterday and it all centered around the question WHY. She wanted to know “why” things happen the way they do but more specifically “why” the people who do bad things are living their best lives. It’s a question, I ask myself as well.

It seems and I place the emphasis on “it seems” that those who go out there and wreck havoc in other people’s lives, more knowingly than not knowingly seem to walk off into the sunset with no consequences whatsoever.

Looking at my own life, I’ve seen it happen many times over. My ex cheated on me and left me holding a bag of broken dreams. It was painful, heart-wrenching and it took a very long time for me to place my trust in anyone and I still don’t. Did he pay a price for what he did? It “seems” like he’s living his best life. He’s bought himself a big house, surrounds himself with luxury items and has a new woman to boot, a redhead no less. Not the same redhead he cheated with but another replacement. He must love redheads, I’m dark-haired. Moving on….What about what he did to me? Why is he living his best life? More specifically, why is he being rewarded for all the asinine things he did including his bad behavior? Those are my questions. Any answers?

It will come says “karma” very smugly.

I’ve met several more of the same loser types on the path of my relationship building focus. Like a heat seeking missile, I gravitate towards the same no good types. So called “nice guy” types with a penchant for lying and cheating. Why? Is there something pre-programmed within me that seeks a special kind of pain? The kind that surrounds me each time my heart breaks into pieces? I tell myself that this time it’s going to be different but each time when it happens, I ask why? Why do I always wind up with almost the same types and why can’t I get rewarded for a change for being the good girl? Why are these no-good, two-timing individuals (for lack of a better word!) not being held accountable for what they did?

Again, Karma whispers, “You need to wait your turn. I can only do so much and there are too many of them!”

My message to Karma: “Can you get some help please and get this process moving along? It’s taking too long!”

I know of someone who cheated on his wife and walked off at the drop of a coin and took up with someone new. He called her his soulmate. How can someone else’s wife be your soulmate? Just saying. Anyway, a long time later, his second wife had an accident and died from her injuries. Karmic retribution of the worst kind? If so, it took a long time coming. He still howls to the moon about the unfairness of it all but doesn’t see the pain he caused and his hand in what happened. Did he get what he deserved? More specifically, did he learn his lesson?

Is there a force out there that keeps tabs on all the wrongs we do and the pain caused to others? If so, the question “why” from my girlfriend will be answered at some point in time when the Piper comes calling and it’s time to pay the price. The message is clear, ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING. Karma is a b**ch and it collects when the time is right.

“When it rains, look for RAINBOWS. When it’s dark, look for STARS.” Unknown

Either way you’ll come out on top if you do.

Have an amazing day.

What If….

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

I’m not sure how or why I got into this “what if” mood. Perhaps it’s because it’s been raining all day and I had nothing better to do. I was coming up with hypothetical situations and really enjoying them until I decided to see what other people had to say. Seems like lots of people have the same preoccupation with the “what if” scenarios. I found some good ones. Enjoy.

“What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.” Woody Allen

Nutrition labels should include an, “What if I ate the whole thing” section. Unknown

I totally agree, I have a cheesecake fetish and I try not to but what if….

“What if common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” Unknown

“What if you are in hell and you’re mad at someone where do you tell them to go.” Unknown

“What if there was no Google? Good question….I’ll have to Google it.” Unknown

That’s my worst case scenario! They call me the Google Queen!

“So what if you fail? At least you’ll know what not to do when you try again.” Venus Williams

I like this one. Try and try again is my motto too.

“What if instead of focusing on what you don’t have, you concentrate on what you’ve got?” Jodi Picoult

Not that easy I say.

“Ask yourself: If I can’t avoid it, change it, or make it go away, what if I changed my response to it? What if I decided to stop letting it bother me?” Al Siebert

“What if someone gave a war and Nobody came?” Allen Ginsberg

That would be Trump’s worst nightmare!

“What if I’m a Princess on another planet? And no one on this planet knows it.” Candace Bushnell

Probably why they never treat me like a princess here!

“What if God exists except it turns out he doesn’t really like people very much?” Douglas Coupland

We’d be in trouble!

“But what if music is what escapes when a heart breaks?” Unknown

Hmm….I’ve heard that music once or twice.

“The end justifies the means. But what if there never is an end? All we have is means.” Ursula K. Le Guin

Oops! Houston we have a problem!

“What if I slept a little more and forgot about all this nonsense.” Franz Kafka

“I’d say you’ve made a perfect end to the “what if” saga!

Have an amazing day.

Solitude

“A place where you meet yourself, where you embrace and appreciate your own company. Exactly, where you face your fears and rethink your decisions. Solitude is that essential place to recharge our inner energy.” Tuwalily

It’s a place I go to where I can shut out the noise, the distractions and the clutter that make up my life. I go within where there is peace to be found, resilience and strength. Solitude and stillness is where answers can be found and I get the strength to move on from where I’m at.

Solitude is defined as a “healthy, personal discipline that allows you to engage in meaningful self-reflection. Loneliness, however, is a state of sadness because one has no friends or company.” fullsailleadership.com

I embrace solitude and there is a certain deliciousness that comes from being still and listening to what is being told to you. When you get rid of the chatter, you get clarity.

“Solitude is where I place my chaos to rest and awaken my inner peace.” Unknown

Meditation, yoga or just a simple walk in the fields helps to open up a world of possibilities. A world where you are not confronted by what others think of you, of having to measure up, or of conforming to what is considered the norm. You can let go and just be yourself. It’s a place where you can go deep within and really see what you’re holding there, find out who you are and a place where you can learn to let go of what doesn’t serve you. There is peace within and unlimited resources but in order to reap the benefits, you need to come face to face with the ugliness, the so-called remnants of your past and retrain your mind to see different. Change your mindset and everything will start falling into place as it should. Solitude is where I find my peace and if I’m willing, it shows me who I am and what I need to change to get to the other side.

“Solitude is dangerous. It’s addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don’t want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.” Unknown

I spend a lot of time by myself. I’m learning to love it to the point that I choose my own company to that of being with friends or family. I think that I am my own best friend which is a good thing but as the quote says, it can be addicting and like I sometimes say, I’m a recluse or at least feel like one at times. I’ve come up with a solution to this predicament. I’m really going to make an effort to spend more time with people to break this monotony because both is needed to make me a complete person. However, home is where my heart is.

My bouts of solitude has made me stronger and fully capable of dealing with what life throws my way. There is strength in solitude so seek it, use it and learn that there is a source you can go to when life decides it’s that time again. What time? Time to learn another lesson and before you go, “Oh no!” make solitude your friend and ally and things will start looking up.

“Make yourself a priority once in a while. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary.” Unknown

AND

“I’m not Anti-Social. I’m Pro-Solitude.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.