The ability to bounce back, to adapt in the face of adversity, and to take decisive actions are all things I like about myself. I didn’t know I had those things within me but after having survived two murders in the family, a huge breakup that almost broke me and a few other incidents, I would say that without resilience I wouldn’t have survived them.
Resilience didn’t happen naturally and it didn’t just show up one day announcing, “Here I am!” It took hard work, the kind that is only possible if it was a matter of survival and having this indomitable need within to stand back up again and to face the world with lessons learned tucked under my belt. There were times when I wanted to throw up my hands and there were times when I just didn’t see the road ahead and there were times when I said, “I am not this person. I don’t have the strength within to do this.”
There is strength within you, the kind you didn’t know existed. You have to dig deep to get at it but it is there and when giving up isn’t an option as it was in my case, it shows up.
“The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived.” Robert Jordan
According to Wikipedia, it is defined as “an emotion characterised by an unpleasant state of inner turmoil and includes feelings of dread over anticipated events.”
Panic attacks, on the other hand, “are sudden periods of intense fear and discomfort that may include palpitations, otherwise defined as a rapid, irregular heartbeat, sweating, chest pain or discomfort, shortness of breath, trembling, dizziness, numbness, confusion, or a sense of impending doom or loss of control.”
These are not very nice emotions but I’m sure that you’ve experienced them at some point in your life and in my case, “anxiety” visits more often than I want it to. Not to a crippling degree but when it does, I want it to leave like an unwanted visitor who is not welcomed to stay.
According to verywellmind.com, there is a simple technique to take the power away from anxiety. They call it the 333 rule. This rule is said to be a gamechanger on how to manage anxiety.
Notice three things you can see around you. Observe the objects carefully. Note the details, colors, and shapes. This process helps to shift your focus from internal anxiety to your external environment.
Listen closely. Identify three sounds you can hear. They could be loud or subtle sounds and concentrate on them. This also takes your focus away from the internal turmoil and puts it on something else.
Move three parts of your body. Roll your shoulders, wiggle your toes or just turn your head. Pay attention to the sensations caused by each movement.
Repeat all three as many times as necessary until you feel calm and collected.
If that fails, then here are some quotes to get you on the way.
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” Anne Lamott
I love this one. Unplugging in my case means going within to a place of quiet. Meditation is my go to method and breathing techniques are another way of quieting the mind and to let nirvana reign.
“Anxiety is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.” Jodi Picoult
True. You’ve got to move meaning you’ve got to do the work to get rid of anxiety. You can choose to sit still and “rock” but staying still in one spot is not going to do it. Anxiety needs action.
“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens.” Mandy Hale
Taking a breath and letting go has worked but not always. The “see what happens” part scares me but it’s worth a try.
“Living with anxiety is like being followed by a voice. It knows all your insecurities and uses them against you. It gets to the point when it’s the loudest voice in the room –it’s the only one you hear.” Unknown
Shut it down, make room for the stillness to come in and take a step in the right direction, one step at a time. If all else fails, put an “out of order sign on your forehead” and retreat. Let anxiety go through you. It’ll find its way out in a little while, it always does.
LET GO OF CONTROL AND KNOW THAT EVERYTHING IS GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN.
A man told his wife that he had invited a friend home for dinner. His wife said, “Are you crazy, the house is a mess, we don’t have any food in the house, and I don’t feel like cooking anyway. Why would you do that?”
He replied, “Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.”
A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to his senses, he motioned for her to come near him. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?”
Hmm….haven’t really given it that much thought. Peace, financial freedom, free of health issues and a feeling of accomplishment. These are some things that would matter.
I want my son to be on his own two feet by then and I hope and pray that Chachi, the cat, will be by my side. Older but still the feisty macho man that he is. I also hope that I have someone by my side to take walks with and to enjoy the slower pace of life. Not just anyone but someone who looks at me and doesn’t see the wrinkles that time has brought on but the beauty within. I would like to have a bestseller under my belt as well but that is still up in the air. Who knows it might happen and even if it doesn’t, I can say I gave it my best shot.
I just want to have this feeling within that all is well and I can enjoy my life. Nothing spectacular just an easy going feeling to do whatever I want and to feel at ease doing it.
“We have the greatest missiles in the world. We have the greatest submarines in the world. We have the greatest army tanks in the world. We have the greatest weapons in the world. And we’re going to celebrate it.”
And celebrate he did. It was a show of force, Kim Jong Un style. Tanks rolled through the streets of Washington, D.C. and the petulant president got what he wanted. The cost of $45 million didn’t matter and neither did the additional cost of sending 4,000 National Guard members and 700 U.S. marines to Los Angeles to curb protests which is said to be around $134 million and I might add his deport-them-all policy brought about. Add another $16 million to repair damages caused by the tanks rolling though the streets and you have a whopper as far as costs are concerned.
A “Wannabe Dictator” needs and wants unchecked power to do as he pleases but the millions who took to the streets yesterday not in awe of the parade but to show a united front where “kings” are concerned did a mighty fine job of putting a clamp on his power hungry grab.
It’s not enough that he has tanked the economy and has blown up the WTO system of global growth and stability. The man who loves jumping at anything he sees as a money making scheme is off and running to another debacle, one which is more to his liking.
Rumor has it that he wants a military parade for his birthday. Nothing new here, he has been hinting at it ever since he attended one in Paris for Bastille Day in 2017. If it takes place at all, it would fall on his birthday which is Saturday, June 14 and coincidentally it just so happens to be the 250th anniversary of the U.S. Army. It is rumored that the Trump administration is “reportedly looking to add a parade that would stretch nearly four miles, from the Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia, across the Potomac River, into D.C. How about Hegseth leading the charge, bare-chested and flaunting his tattoos and wearing the Amerian flag? Patriotic enough? Let’s not forget Musk doing the Nazi salute and Trump grinning from ear to ear.
The cost of such a parade would be phenomenal but didn’t he say they’ve got 2 billion coming in each day from tariffs alone? Should be enough to cover the cost don’t you think?
Global economies are hanging in the balance and a full-blown Trade War is looming and hissing at the fringes so what’s missing? Let’s add a military parade to the mix why don’t we? One that proclaims America’s might as a superpower with a message that says, “Don’t fool with us!” Remind you of anything?
I had prepared for a peaceful night but it didn’t turn out that way. Sometimes things don’t go as planned. We had a really hot day here yesterday and everything was starting to feel sticky including yours truly. I had my evening shower as usual. donned my BIG t-shirt and was feeling pretty good when I heard Chachi, the cat gagging. It was a low sound but one I had heard many times before.
I waited and listened instead of running out there to see what was wrong. It’s my new way of handling things. I’ve put my “helicopter” away and I’m learning not to jump at everything that comes my way and to offer assistance right away. My two boys, my Chachi and my son, are learning that mom is taking a step back and not jumping at every little thing, but it is a hard thing to do from my end.
Anyway, after a few minutes Chachi walked into the room, his face a little drawn and his “macho pants” nowhere to be seen. He meowed softly and looked at me with a look I didn’t understand. Picking him up and walking out to the landing I noticed a puddle of vomit on the floor. He felt warm to the touch as well but I put it down to the heatwave we’ve been having. Suddenly, he made those weird noises again, jumped out of my arms and threw up again. Alarm bells started going off. I wear many hats but the “mom hat” is one I take very seriously. It was time to get the big guns out, I reached for my iPhone and started Googling! I usually have everything at my fingertips where Google is concerned and sure enough, it told me what to do and then to watch how the situation progresses.
I put out lots of water in case he was dehydrated. I also put out a bowl with some soup, cat soup, for moments like this. He sniffed it and looked at me with a look that said: “Are you kidding me?!! I’m not touching that thing with a ten foot pole!” So that was a no go. Then I realized I had something that would settle an upset stomach. A tube that contained some thick green paste and it helps with gastrointestinal problems as well. Cat stuff again. I gave him some of that and he took it without a struggle. Then he went missing! Finally I found him under the bed. Another clear signal that he wasn’t feeling well according to Google.
After an hour or two, he crawled out and headed straight to his food. He ate the wet stuff but not the soup. Then he went to use the toilet and came back in looking a tad better. I decided it was cuddle time so we cuddled and he went quiet and then the snoring started! I stayed up listening to that sound and the soft heaving of his stomach and kept my fingers crossed that all was well in his world again.
This morning, he woke me up at 5:30 a.m. and was ready to go. Time doesn’t matter in his world, it’s all the same to him. He seems to be none the worse for wear and whatever was bugging him has taken a hike. I hope it stays that way for the rest of the day and “mommy” can get some well-deserved rest!
Frankly, I can’t think of anything old that I use daily. I wear two chains around my neck, a diamond solitaire that was a gift from the friend who passed away and a gold necklace with a heart-shaped diamond pendant. That was a keepsake from my mom. Both are precious and I wear them everyday.
The other thing I do wear more often than not is an old t-shirt that has seen better days. It is faded in places but you can’t beat the comfort factor. It is two sizes too big and I just love it! When the weather warms up, it’s my go to when I need something big and roomy to feel comfortable in. I almost threw it away earlier this year but NOPE, it’s back in the cupboard along with all my other PJs. It was actually a gift from a very good friend who traveled the world and each time he was in a different country, he would send me a t-shirt with that country’s emblem on it. I can’t tell where this one is from because it is too faded to tell! Nevertheless, I wear it all the time and if it wasn’t for winter, I would wear it the whole year round!
What am I going to do if holes show up? A question I’ve been pondering myself. No answers yet but I know there will be a solution when we get to that point. I’ll just say that I HATE parting with things I love!
Daily writing prompt
What’s the oldest thing you own that you still use daily?
“Then came July like three o’clock in the afternoon, hot and listless and miserable.” Allie Ray
Only problem we’re in June now and after weeks of rain, the weather has decided to do the other extreme. We have heatwave warnings on and it is supposed to hit 36 Celsius today! That’s 95 degrees in Fahrenheit.
It is noon right now and the temps are going up. Just took a walk in the garden and the plants are drooping even though I watered them this morning. Chachi, the cat has given up and he is hiding out under the stairs where it is cooler. The living area is nice and cool because it has stone floors but the rooms under the roof are another story altogether! It feels like a sauna up there.
The weather prediction calls for rain tomorrow, however, it is up and down and all over the place as far as the weather is concerned recently. I’m hoping for a cooling off as I’m not a fan of hot weather. Perhaps, tomorrow will bring a reprieve but today it’s going to simmer and dance with heat!
Sweat it out, stay indoors with feet propped up and do what Chachi is doing. The little guy in the fur coat sure knows how to do a number on the weather but since I won’t fit under the stairs, I’ll retreat to the bedroom with a glass of iced tea and a slice of cheesecake!
It is defined as, “the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling.”
An empath has the ability to truly understand other people’s feelings, however a narcissist, on the other hand, is only able to show empathy when they feel in control and their self-esteem is enhanced but since they are masters at exploitation, it is more likely they show no empathy at all. Not everyone is capable of being empathetic but that doesn’t mean you are narcissistic, just that it’s hard to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.
“Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another and feeling with the heart of another.” Alfred Adler
There are conflicting thoughts on whether empathy is a learned or a genetic trait. Some experts say it is “something we develop over time and in relationship to our social environment while others feel that it is “something we develop through our upbringing and life experiences – it is also partly inherited.” Then again there are those who say that in 95% of people, it is a learned trait like other human traits such as respect, kindness and honesty.
Whatever the case maybe, I feel it is hard to have proper connections if you lack this all important trait. I’ve met many people who totally lacked empathy and they came across as cold and stone-hearted individuals. They let nothing pierce the armor they wore and it was hard to tell if that was part of their DNA or a facade they wore to protect themselves from showing their vulnerable side.
“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Leo Buscaglia
Empathy is a lost art these days. In a world where we spend most of our time hooked to our gadgets be it an iPhone, cell phones, computers or social media, feeling with our hearts is next to impossible when everything is done with a swipe of one thing or another. When was the last time you really paid attention to someone close? When was the last time you really looked at a stranger and made eye contact? Or when was the last time you stepped into their shoes to experience what they were going through? Empathy is needed in a world where most things are superficial and going heart-deep is a really difficult thing to do.
This message came through when I met my girlfriend, the one who is never on time, for our usual breakfast meet. This time around it wasn’t centered around small talk, instead we had a heart to heart. She had suffered a stroke two years ago and her face droops on one side. She said, “I wish there is something I can do about it,” in a sad voice. It went straight to my heart. I felt her pain as I listened and let her talk. When she finished, I could see that the “listening” had helped. Her voice sounded lighter.
This is Empathy: Let me hold the door for you. I may have never walked a mile in your shoes, but I can see that your soles are worn and your strength is torn under the weight of a story I have never lived before. So let me hold the door for you. After all you’ve walked through, it’s the least I can do.” Morgan Harper Nichols
LET ME HOLD THE DOOR FOR YOU. Sometimes that is all it takes to walk that journey, to feel what someone is going through and to say, let me hold the door for you.
It’s hard to say since I have so many of them. Beautiful sunsets, walks on the beach in different countries, the birth of my son, the first time he called me mommy and so many more. All hold a special place in my heart and will stay there forever as special or favorite moments. However, there is one moment that has never tarnished and remains as clear as day even after so many years.
It was my first kiss. Did I get your attention? A love story? It was. I was 21 when I got my first kiss. What? Try living a normal life in a very strict Christian family. Mom used to say, “I have eyes at the back of my head and I can see everything you’re up to.” That put the fear of the devil in me, that and the fact that I was saving myself for marriage.
Anyway, he walked into my life and I was a goner! He was tall and handsome with piercing green eyes. Half Algerian and half French. Yes, quite a combination. If that wasn’t enough, he was a pilot, a captain no less. The fact that he was as old as my dad didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore. He didn’t see the sign plastered across my forehead either that said, “Saving myself for marriage.” He was a seasoned playboy. The two do not mix. Anyway, the first time I saw him in uniform I held up the, “I am in love!” flag. I didn’t know what it meant only that he was beautiful to look at and he made my breath catch in my throat! Looks mattered back then.
Our first date was fantastic. We had eyes only for each other. Then we took a walk on the beach and with a thousand or a million stars shining above and….wait for it….he kissed me. I felt like I was drowning, dying, flying and everything in between! I was putty in his hands but he sensed something and asked, “Your first kiss? Unbelievable.” It was a long walk back to the car but something was changing within me. It wasn’t just a moment, it was a new beginning. One that I have never forgotten.
What happened to him? We dated but like I said earlier, playboy and an innocent do not mix. I held on to my beliefs and he couldn’t change who he was. We went our separate ways. However, my first kiss was one of my favorite moments of a lifetime. I stayed up there for three days after that kiss. Just flying around in heaven somewhere!
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