It is interesting how life throws one thing your way and combines it with another just to sweeten the pot or to say, “Look, it’s not all bad.”
I’ve written about my health issue in the last two posts and it is at the top of my mind or has me in its grip. Getting away from it is hard because I do take very good care of myself and this latest news is totally unfair but when has life been fair? If anything, it is there to teach us lessons and whether we want to learn or not doesn’t matter.
Well, I got this not so nice news from the doctor and just as I was deep diving into a roller coaster ride of emotions, I get this other news. Normally, I would be over the moon but not this time. My book, the long awaited one, will be out around end of August! I should have been very happy but mixed with the other news, it came over almost lukewarm and it didn’t have the power kick it should have had.
Anyway, the book should hit bookstores everywhere during that time. The marketing part is not to my liking. They are talking about book signings, interviews and other stuff which would require yours truly to put in an appearance and that is the part that is not appealing. I love my privacy so I am not happy about that part. What to do? Bite the bullet and do it or refuse and see the book go down in flames? Oh well, one thing at a time. The good news is I will finally have a printed copy in my hands and get to see all my hard work on display. I’ve always loved that part about writing, seeing my work in print.
Didn’t I just answer this question a couple of days ago? Oh well, here we go. This is hard and you’ve got to be good with description to do this one. Let’s see if I can pull this one off.
I had a blind friend in high school and we were close. One day he wanted to know how I looked like. So he placed his hands on my face and went over the contours and I guess he got a pretty good idea. This here is different.
Okay, I’m petite with long dark hair. Some say that my hair is my best feature but I say it is my smile. I smile with my eyes and my laugh is contagious. Of course that is hard to convey to someone who can’t see me but perhaps you hear it in my voice! My skin is soft and smooth or at least that is what I was told not too long ago when a friend touched my arm to look at it and went, “Whoa! You’re one of those!” I looked confused and he said, “The ones with soft skin.” That, my friend, comes with putting a lot of care into keeping it that way.
My eyes are almond-shaped and add the long dark hair and I have this exotic look going. I am slim, almost skinny. I lost a lot of weight when I accompanied the friend to his deathbed but I’ve gained some of it back. I guess that about completes the picture of me. Attractive? I don’t think so but I’ve been told I am. That about sums it up for this question, next one please!
Daily writing prompt
How would you describe yourself to someone who can’t see you?
“F-E-A-R has two meanings: “Forget Everything And Run” or “Face Everything And Rise.” The choice is yours.” Zig Ziglar
This is an interesting quote. I guess it comes down to how you want to handle fear. My first option has always been the first one. I don’t know when fear walked in and decided to take a permanent place in my life but it did and stayed for a very long time. When murder walked in and took my mother’s life, I knew just how powerful “fear” was. My life as I knew it disappeared and fear and danger were everywhere. I had changed from that fearless young girl who had once roamed the woods alone to a young woman who feared anything and everyone. This was the psychological toll that the murder had on me. Another one would follow in its wake but one was enough to turn my world upside down and to put “fear” at the helm of my existence.
“Don’t be ashamed of being scared. To be afraid is a sign of common sense. Only complete idiots are not afraid of anything.” Carlos Ruiz Zafon
It took a long time and it took lots of work to step out from the shadows of fear. However, it never fully let go of the grip it had on me. Courage, strength, grit and focus were the tools that helped me to stand back up and to face life on its own terms.
“Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the ability to act in the presence of fear.” Bruce Lee
This latest onslaught on my psyche has been a big one. The unknown is scary and listening to the doctor drone on about tests has brought the fears back, the ones I’ve been working on to eradicate and the ones I thought I had conquered. Now, they’re staring me in the face and I want to do this. “Forget Everything and Run!” A part of me wants to give up and run but the other part, the one that has fought numerous battles and survived wants to take on this latest challenge and emerge the winner.
“Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you faced, all the battles you have won and all the fears you have overcome.”
September 4th is D-Day. The all-important test will take place and it will determine how my life will change and what comes after. Fear? Yes, it’s there, in fact it is holding my hand right now. I hate that fear is back and holding court and courage has taken a backseat. I’m hoping that the inner spark, the inner light, the warrior within will step forward and sent it packing but it is going to take some time.
“To me fearless isn’t not having fears, It’s not that you’re afraid of anything. I think that being fearless is having a lot of fears, but you jump anyway.” Taylor Swift
So, I’m jumping into the unknown with both eyes open. Whatever comes I will face it head on and I will walk with my head held high as I have in times past. This journey of self-discovery I have been on has taught me that there is incredible strength within and it shows up when you least expect it AND it has the power to overcome the unimaginable. I hope it shows up wearing bells and shows “fear” the door. I can only hope.
What is human nature? One explanation refers to “the fundamental characteristics, ways of thinking, feeling, and acting that are generally considered to be inherent to human beings.” One can say we are pre-programmed to act in a certain way when faced with certain situations but nurture and social experiences do play a part in shaping individual behaviors as to how we react to certain outside stimuli.
Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter.
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity and I ‘m not sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein
“It is human nature to think wisely and act in an absurd fashion.” Anatole France
I totally agree with this assumption. Been there and done that many times over!
“Human nature is deeply ingrained despite our best efforts difficult to change.” Unknown
This one shines the spotlight on the problem itself. Stupidity and stubbornness sometimes or often go hand-in-hand making it a lose-lose situation.
“It’s human nature to remember only what you want to remember and forget what you want to forget, or transform it into a different story.” Unknown
We are all good storytellers so I definitely agree with the transformation part so much so to our own detriment.
“I hate it when people argue in public and I’ve missed the beginning so I don’t know whose side I’m on.” Unknown
This too is human nature.
“People will question all the good things they hear about you but believe all the bad without a second thought.” Unknown
Human nature at its best?
“I chose the road less traveled and now I don’t know where I am.” Unknown
ME TOO!
“Even if you give them everything that they ask for, it’ll never be enough.” Unknown
Are we talking about men here?
Finally….
THE LAWS OF HUMAN NATURE
“You are not a pawn in a game controlled by others; you are an active player who can move the pieces at will and even rewrite the rules.” Robert Greene
There you go. You are not stuck where you are and you have the ability to change your life. You just need to start moving in the right direction. What about human nature? Tell it to take a hike!
Almost every family has them and some are wonderful and some we can do without. My family had many traditions and I had to be there whether I wanted to or not!
My parents were religious people and church on Sundays was one of those traditions. I’m not just talking about Sunday service but spending the whole day at church! Yes, it was excruciating for a young girl but I did it simply because it was a must. This is one tradition I don’t keep up with. I’m not going to put my son through it either. It’s his decision altogether and he has chosen to go the other way but I think a little religion doesn’t hurt anyone.
All the other holidays were part and parcel of our upbringing. Christmas was a big deal but I loved it and when I was married, I kept up with the tradition. Presents, lights, Christmas carols and good food were all still a part of tradition but nowadays, it is a quiet affair. No going all out, just some lights, music and a quiet time, so that has changed. Thanksgiving was another big deal. It was a time for family get-togethers, turkey and all the trimmings and lots of food! I’ve changed it to almost nothing. When the friend was there, we would have a semblance of Thanksgiving, just some good food and a quiet time together. Now that he is gone, I’m mostly on my own except for Chachi, the cat.
Traditions have changed but I guess it does when life changes. Time changes things too and circumstances complete the picture. Memories of those traditions I had with my parents still remain, they always will, because they were wonderful times except for the whole day at church bit. I could have done without those.
Daily writing prompt
What traditions have you not kept that your parents had?
I made it early to the fields this morning and the sun was already high up in the sky after hiding for several days. We’ve had rain, wind, and more rain. I decided to take advantage of the nice weather before everybody else had the same idea. Unfortunately, there were people already there with the same idea in mind!
The fields were like they used to be but only this time it looked a little untidy. What happened to the regimented way of caring for nature? The farmers around here keep it in tip-top form but it seems like they’ve let go for a little while. The Rapeseed plants are still there reaching to the skies, no longer pretty but dull and brown. The pathway I was on was narrow and on both sides the plants stood unrelenting and covering my view. A feeling of claustrophobia knocked at my door but I took a deep breath and kept on walking. I needed to be outside today and I needed nature to do its thing of calming me.
I was told to watch out for deer among the plants. It seems they sit crouched within the plants with only their brown backs showing. “Be careful,” was the message because they do jump out at times and if you’re in the way, well you know. So I kept my eyes peeled but nothing seemed to spell trouble. It was quiet out and the air was crisp and fresh, the way I like it. I decided to go by the forest way just for a change and although it is not my favorite route, I decided that the quiet and calm would do me good. It did. There was something soothing about the birds chirping in the trees and a lone Woody Woodpecker knocking at some tree trunk. I couldn’t see it but it was there and although it was loud, I took it in stride. Anything to keep my mind from thinking!
Then I saw it, a lone blue Heron standing all by itself in the middle of the field like a lone sentinel keeping watch. A sign of a good omen? Certain cultures swear that a heron sighting brings good luck. Fingers crossed! As I passed it, I sensed it watching me but it made no move to leave and I left it there to enjoy the morning as I was doing. Walks in nature are a great way to refresh the soul, to put a different perspective on things and to calm an agitated mind. It was doing all that this morning and then I noticed the dark clouds in the distance. I guess we’re not over the rain yet. Oh well, it’s time for another cup of coffee and to be thankful for all that I have especially the gorgeous fields that give me so much pleasure and peace.
The last couple of days haven’t been typical meaning that it hasn’t been normal with nothing much happening.
Most days are normal. The routine never changes and it flows with the same old stuff. Slow wake ups, a lazy breakfast in bed, hugs and kisses from Chachi, the cat, and listening to the birds creating a symphony outside my bedroom window. Just routine stuff, nothing out of the ordinary and the day follows with more of the same.
However, a routine check up last week had me scrambling. The check up itself was nothing special, everything ok according to the doctor but they needed a blood sample just to be sure. I could check the results online they told me. A few days later I did just that. Everything seemed normal except for one reading. It had a medical name so I Googled it. My heart constricted in my throat and I knew that this wasn’t normal. A few days later, the doctor called. He wanted to see me. I asked, “Anything bad?”
He said, “No, I just need to talk to you.” That didn’t settle the uneasiness I was feeling.
I showed up at his office and he smiled. “How are you doing?” he asked.
“I’ll tell you after you tell me what is wrong.”
He said the one reading showed abnormality and it needed further checking out. “What kind of checking out? Something painful?” Pain and me don’t go well together. He said it would be similar to what I had before but with radiation! What?!! He continued ignoring the panic on my face. “I would suggest that you get it checked out just to be sure.”
That set the wheels in motion. I went into a deep dive. My emotions have been doing a roller coaster ride ever since. What if it is something serious? I won’t know until they check me out and I hate that radiation part. I’m a health nut and I hate anything foreign invading my body but I have no choice in the matter. It needs to be done.
No, I can’t control the outcome. I can only control my reaction to this unwanted and unforeseen circumstance. So I’m upping my yoga practice, taking walks in nature and TRYING not to think about the worst case scenario. It’s not easy but I’m trying and that is all I can do. Life is unpredictable as I’ve said here many times before and this is one of those times.
“When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is.” Unknown
There are situations and circumstances in life that you cannot control. This is nothing new and those unforeseen circumstances bring chaos and turbulence into our lives. We want to take what is handed to us and to make it better, to make it alright, take it back to where we started from, where everything had sunshine and smiles around it but somehow, it just doesn’t work. What if it’s not you? What if the problem isn’t you? There are times when no matter how hard you try, there is no making the situation better. You can’t control what is outside your control.
“Nothing kills you faster than your own mind.
Don’t stress over things that are out of your control.” Unknown
What are those things that you can’t control?
Basically it boils down to, “things that have happened that someone cannot change or influence.”
It is done, it is all water under the bridge and it has moved on leaving you to deal with the aftermath. Instead of letting go and taking it in stride, the human psyche goes into damage control. Quite often it comes in the form of trying to control the situation. We want to bring back whatever we think we’ve lost. We want that person back, not that they were good for us in the first place but because we want what we can’t have. Most of all, we want to control the narrative, we want to change the story and we want to control what is outside our control.
“It’s not what you say to everyone else that determines your life, it’s what you whisper to yourself that has the greatest power.” Unknown
Let it go. Stop trying to control what you can’t control and take control of what you can. That’s a winning strategy right now.
According to diversushealth.org, determine what you can control and work on it.
Examples are:
How you respond to emotions and painful feelings.
How you respond to memories.
How you respond to negative thoughts.
IDENTIFY YOUR FEARS
Do you find your mind going to the worst possible scenario? Do you doubt your ability to cope if something bad happens?
SHIFT YOUR ENERGY TOWARD PROBLEM SOLVING
Replaying the past or dwelling on catastrophic outcomes usually isn’t helpful. Problem solving is.
FOCUS ON YOUR INFLUENCE
What can you change? To have the most influence, focus on changing your behavior and reaction to events.
DEVELOP HEALTHY AFFIRMATIONS
Scientists estimate people have about 70,000 thoughts per day. (No wonder I get headaches!) Most of these thoughts incite self-doubt, fear, and discouragement.
Think, “I’m stronger than I think,” or “I can handle this,” or even “I can do this.” These affirmations help to drown out the negativity.
“Remember you alone get to choose what matters and what doesn’t. The meaning of everything in your life has precisely the meaning you give it.” Unknown
AND
“Just keep in mind: the more we value things outside of our control, the less control we have.” Epictetas
YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. You are capable and you can handle anything that comes your way.
How would I describe myself? Physically, I come in a petite package. Slim, fit, and still able to fit in a size 4 jeans! I suppose that comes from the workouts I torture myself with!
My hair is dark and very long. I was told many times that I have the prettiest hair around, some say I still do but it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m all about the inner beauty now. What else? I have almond-shaped eyes, small features and a great smile. That last part gets me second glances and or looks or it could be something else entirely! Attractive? I’ve been told I am but here again, who cares? I’m touting the inner beauty part of me these days.
Emotionally, I’m a wreck at times. At other times, I’ve got it altogether. I have a good head on my shoulders, a kind heart and a giving personality. I’ve been told that I’m complicated and they (the men) may be right. If complicated means you can’t get to first base no matter how hard you try then you are absolutely right. I don’t fall for just anyone and getting anywhere with me is like going through an obstacle course, too many and way too hard to get across! I agree that I’m complicated but the prize at the end might just be worth it, if you’re looking for someone who knows what she wants and has a lot to offer. So call me complicated all you want, who cares is my retort!
Get the picture? Strong-willed, complicated, strong willpower, except for cheesecake, a mind of my own, intelligent, accomplished and a powerhouse where vocabulary is concerned, add atrractive to that and you might just have the whole package or a horror in the making! You decide.
“If everything around seems dark, look again, you may be the light.” Rumi
Sometimes it burns brightly and at other times it flickers and there are times when it is extinguished and there is only darkness to be found. Finding your way becomes hard as darkness spreads its wings and envelops everything in its wake but that light within can be relit again. It is there and waiting for you to light it again.
“No degree of worldly darkness can extinguish the glow of a soul’s inner light.” Wes Fesler
You, my friend, are a powerful being. You have everything within you to make it through that “worldly darkness.” Did you lose someone close and your light is dimmed? Did someone walk away leaving you to find your way again? Do you feel like you don’t belong? Did someone put you down and made you feel smaller than you are? Did all these things make you feel like you are not enough? If so, reach for that light within. It is powerful and it takes more than a careless word or two, a breakup or ugliness to put out the light. Even if you take a temporary leave of absence, it waits patiently till you come back ready to burn brightly again.
“Let your light shine so brightly that others can see their way out of the dark.” Katrina Mayer
How do you get the light within to burn brightly?
It has been said through, “meditation, mindfulness, self-reflection, and acts of kindness towards oneself and others.” Practicing kindness and compassion towards others is one surefire way to light that light within and to keep it burning brightly. I give out smiles and it is a daily practice I engage in. Whenever I meet a stranger and our eyes meet, that “high-voltage” smile turns on! It has brought some unwanted attention but that aside, a smile or two comes back accompanied by this warm and fuzzy feeling and I’m ready to embrace a stranger!
“Kindness is igniting a light in someone else for no reason other than to watch them enjoy the glow.” Raktivisit.
So, my friend, be that light. It is within you and waiting to show you the way.
Did you know that, “Within your being is a source of light…..with unlimitedwattage.” Put it to good use. You are powerful, you are magical, you are capable, you are beautiful and you are ENOUGH as you are. Turn on that light and step into its brightness and watch your life transform….
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