Wow! What a question! Not 10, not 20 but 30 things that make me happy. Once I get done with this, I will either be deliriously happy or feel like the air has been let out of my being!
I recall when I was a young girl, mom and dad had a ritual. Bible study was an everyday thing and it was painful for a girl who had her head in the clouds. We had to say what we were thankful for and each child had to come up with something. I hated it but there was no getting out of it. I would always make it as short as possible so that we would finish and I could watch cartoons on TV. However, one sister had a different plan. She would go on and on! It was a never-ending litany of things she was thankful for or happy about but I think she wanted to get in dad’s good graces and it worked! She was his favorite.
Anyway, here goes.
Chachi, the cat.
Morning coffee.
Birds chirping.
My quiet time.
Meditation
Deep Breathing
Beauty Rituals
A call from my son.
Conversations with friends.
Walks in nature.
My workouts.
The sky above.
My favorite TV shows.
Writing
Imagination
My house (my sanctuary)
The Dyson fan (a godsent on hot days!)
Rain!
Cheesecake
Banana Muffins
Friends
Family
Peace
Love
Freedom (to be who I am)
PJs ( I love hanging out in them)
My laptop
My Posts
Feeling Safe
Feeling like I can handle anything. (Basically taking lemons and making lemonade out of them!)
There! I’m feeling like I need another cup of coffee and a nap after this one! Just kidding.
I had made plans to be productive today. It didn’t matter if it was Sunday, a time for rest and relaxation. I was dead set on doing something and that something was to clean out my office area, get rid of the massive amounts of paperwork taking up space in every corner of the room and to discard as much of the unwanted stuff as possible. The plan was put in place last night.
Around 6 o’clock yesterday evening, I had this bright idea of bringing everything up to date and looking at what was staring back at me, I knew it would take all day Sunday to get it done. I looked at Chachi, the cat, and got to work. The poor guy didn’t know what was going on, just that changes were coming! He gave me one of his, “She’s at it again! No peace here and I’m at my wit’s end!” kind of look. He watched as I carried massive amounts of paperwork into the bedroom and set them on the floor. I made three huge piles. Then I moved the shredder into the bedroom as well. He gave me another look and inspected everything carefully. I could tell he wasn’t happy because he got jumpy. I stroked his forehead to assure him that all was well, nothing to worry about. Just his mom and her crazy ideas!
Then I got to work. I shredded some papers and then got tired of it. I just tore them apart and tossed them in a bag. The bag was getting full and I hadn’t even started yet! The piles of paper looked the same and nothing seemed to be getting less! I was getting frustrated at this point so I called it a night and left everything as is and ready to tackle it on Sunday. Chachi was restless for most of the night and if I moved a little in bed, he jumped off and went under the bed! He is a real scaredy cat!
Sunday dawned bright and early and I was up early even before the birds were! Okay, first breakfast, shower, get back into a fresh pair of PJs and hit the road running. I tried, believe me I tried. I had to make sure I wasn’t shredding stuff that was needed so it was a painstaking process of going through each piece of paperwork and making piles again! Toss! Keep! Maybe or rather I don’t know! God, Sundays are not made for this kind of BS! There is a reason why Sundays are rest days. Well, I knew that but “ambition” got in the way and now I’m stuck. Chachi, eyed me suspiciously with his, “I told you so,” look.
Close to lunchtime, I carried the piles of paperwork back into the office area, found a space for them and promised I’ll get to them when I was in a better mood. They whispered back, “We don’t care! Just leave us alone!” Chachi, the cat, jumped off the bed and walked into the office and looked back at me, his big eyes speaking volumes. “Sometimes your eyes are bigger than what you’re capable of doing! I’m worn out. I’m going to go take a nap!”
So folks, that’s my Sunday so far. The office is till messy but who cares! I’m going downstairs to make some banana muffins because the cheesecake is screaming at me to come get some and my mind, the one that takes care of me is saying, “Don’t you dare!” Banana muffins are healthier so that’s it for today AND watching ghost or horror movies. I just love spooking myself and doing nothing!
Why is it important to know who your real friends are? Have you set a criteria on how you choose your friends? It is important because many come wearing the “friend” tag but only a very few make it there in reality. There are the fake friends who are not really your friend but they are there for what they can get from you. There are the ones who are envious and envy does not make for a good friendship. Anything good that happens to you is as if something bad had happened to them! Beware of such so called friends because they are not your friend! Then there are the fair-weather ones who are there when all is well but are nowhere to be seen when things go down south!
What makes for a good friend? There are certain markers for a good friendship. Trust is one of them. You should be able to trust one another and when it’s not there, the trustworthiness, it is hard to build a friendship.
Honesty is another aspect that is critical for a friendship. One of the hallmarks of true friendship is truth. Be truthful even if it hurts.
Mutual benefits of a true friendship. You add to each other’s lives and that there is a give and take and not just take all the time.
Perhaps, the most important aspect is you like each other and you enjoy each other’s company. Time spent with a friend is time well-spent. Laughter, talks, smiles and a genuine affection for each other are all important for a true friendship to thrive and to grow.
Below are some quotes that speak to what a friendship is not and this too is important.
“You find yourself making all the sacrifices, going the extra mile to make your fake friend happy. Notice those friends that will never choose you over their comfort.” Unknown
“You never know who your real friends are until you are in need. You’ll be surprised who shows up.”
“Before you count your friends, make sure you can count on them. Some friends are only around when they want something from you but are never there when you need something from them.” Rashida Rowe
“Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder, they pretend to be your friend first.” Steve Irwin
Hmm…..
Finally,
“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.” Eleanor Roosevelt
Watch for those footprints. Not all who profess “friendship” is your friend. It’s better to have a few friends who love and care about you than many who are never there when you need them. Choose your friends carefully.
“Only those who care about you can hear you when you’re quiet.”
“In the first stage of love, your hormones run the show. You flirt, get butterflies in your stomach and heart, toss your hair back often and laugh a lot more. Falling in love makes you glow. Full playfulness and passion, stage one of love, often called the honeymoon stage tends to be everyone’s favorite because it is fun.“
This is how Stage 1 looks like. You can talk for hours on the phone and it never gets old. There is lots of laughing and giggling and you have your rose-tinted glasses on. If there is a blemish the size of a rock on your face, it is invisible at this stage or airbrushed by the blossoming of something special. Time flies by on wings and it is never ever enough. You want more and even though red flags may crop up like a neon sign, you SEE and don’t want to see. It is also the stage of stupidity where your brain and intuition take a backseat and your heart takes over.
Stage 2: Getting Serious
“Enter stage two. You still make a good couple. You hold hands in the park and cuddle up together to watch a movie, but something has changed. You’ve moved in together, maybe even got married. That fun time has run its course and your relationship has entered the serious zone.“
You may have moved in together or maybe not. It could be headed in a more serious direction where the “M” word is bandied about. That rose-tinted glow is there but now grey is starting to seep in. You question his/her motives. When once that laugh was alluring, it now makes you grit your teeth. You see things you don’t like. Things like he doesn’t keep to his word or you’ve caught him in a lie or two. Little things like leaving the toilet seat up and leaving clothes all over the floor gets your goat. The glow is still there so it’s time to push it all under the rug. You say, “It’ll right itself out. After all, you’re not looking for perfect.” The serious zone is staring you in the face and you don’t want to rock the boat. Let sleeping dogs lie you say but you know that it could come back to bite you later.
Stage 3: What Happened?
“What happened? Did you fall out of love? By this point, all illusions have been stripped away. You find yourself arguing more. Romance seems like work and you can’t be bothered to squeeze in the time. You just want it to end. And most people do just that, end their relationship.“
This is the “make it” or “break it” phase. It is also the time to let it all hang out phase. Remember that in Stage 1 all was perfect or at least it seemed so. Nothing was out of place, not a hair, not a fake eyelash, perfect haircut, smelling good and NO inappropriate behavior. Now, it’s let it rip time and HOW! If you’re married, who cares is the attitude. Everything is allowed and I mean everything. He’s seen you many times over so why bother? Unkempt hair, less than perfect hygiene, let it all grow out if you know what I mean. He, in turn, lets it rip. Holding it in is no longer required, anywhere anytime is ok. One other thing I find fascinating is that men love talking to you when they are sitting on the throne! Something soothing perhaps? That smile is no longer alluring, those little quirks more than annoying and spending a few minutes talking equates to an hour and a half in your mind. I call this the end of time phase. It’s probably all downhill from here and most choose to end the relationship.
According to one source, there are five clear stages. They are honeymoon, uncertainty, adjustment, commitment and acceptance. I’ve chosen to speak about three because not many make it past the adjustment phase. If you do, you’re one of the lucky ones. However, the fourth and fifth phase are hard to navigate. Most are either miserable wanting to get out or they’ve accepted their fate and are playing dead until their time is up!
I haven’t given up hope that I will make it to the last phase with a smile on my face and the right man by my side. I’m still working on finding him. Unfortunately, he seems to have lost his way and is nowhere to be found and TIME is running out! Fairy Godmother some help please! I could use your wand right about now!
It’s no secret. There are many things that bring me joy on a daily basis but the one thing that remains constant is the joy I get from Chachi, the cat.
Little Einstein does the impossible. On days when I’m down in the dumps or feeling a little lost, it is the little furball that brings me back up and helps me to see life as half full versus half empty. All it takes is his cross-legged stance with that inquisitive look on his face to put a smile on my face or it is that rubbing up against my leg for attention or even doing the workouts with me. He is more of a hindrance there but who cares. It automatically puts a smile on my face and sometimes a roar of laughter follows watching him as he tries to distract me from what I’m doing.
The little Meister is an expert at showing me who his favorite person is. He winks when he catches me looking at him and in cat language it means either they love you or are just mighty pleased to have you in their life. Add his love- filled glances and he takes me soaring. One habit that I absolutely love is cuddling at bedtime. I love listening to him take off to dreamland and the soft purring of contentment is music to my ears. Now, it’s not going to do the same for the guy who comes in, of this I’m sure. What guy? He’s not there yet but when he does show up, I’m not holding my breath, but when he does we’ll work on that problem together.
Until then Chachi, the cat, or rather Little Einstein is king and master and he knows it. He is one habit that brings me joy and I can do forever! Yes, I’m a goner where that little guy is concerned. Most importantly, he brings me joy of the best kind.
It’s Saturday and I’ve decided to keep moving taking my cue from the proverb, “an idle mind is the devil’s playground.” I told myself to keep moving and not to let overthinking have its way. All good right? Let’s see how far I make it before my old friend, my mind, takes over and smashes it to pieces!
Morning started early. I got up at 7 a.m. and all was well. Chachi, the cat, was purring softly next to me and the world was just waking up. The birds were chirping and the pigeons were cooing for all they are worth! A little irritating but still a pleasant enough sound. The sun seemed to be peeking out after days of absence and I wondered if a walk in nature might be a good idea but nixed it because I don’t like walking on Saturdays. Too many people out and the constant exchange of pleasantries tend to be draining.
My idea for today is to clean house from top to bottom. It should keep me occupied for most of the day since I haven’t done thorough cleaning in quite a while. The dust bunnies are laughing their heads off but not for long! I’m getting the Dyson vac out and it should do a great job of getting everything nice and clean. Chachi, the cat, sans apron and Swiffer in hand, is more than ready to pitch in and give me some help. However, he thinks it is playtime more than anything else. First thing, strip the bed. Then the pillowcases and Chachi’s blankets. The little helper was more than happy. He ran across the bed as if it was some kind of a raucous game. It took about 20 minutes simply because the little rascal was getting in the way and enjoying himself in the process. I got the wash going and decided to head out to the garden to see what’s happening there. It has been days since I’ve been in the garden and I didn’t expect much except an onslaught of weeds!
The surprise was on me. The apple tree was bogged down with plenty of apples! This one lone apple tree in the garden has a mind of its own. Last year, there were no apples to speak off. This year, it is overflowing and the apples though small are crisp and sweet. They are just turning slightly red so probably a week or so and they should be ready to come off the tree and to be given away to the neighbors. I can’t eat them all. The lone cherry tomato plant has some ripe tomatoes on it. Last year, I planted one tomato plant and got a monster harvest so I went with one cherry tomato plant this year hoping that it will be just enough for salads and stir-fries. Looks like it is working. Next to it, the chili plant is doing well. It has four green chilies and the card on it reads, “Hot Chilies.” Keeping fingers crossed that they are. Rounding the corner, I see that the cherry tree is done for this year. I got three cherries although it had an abundance of flowers this year. Where did the cherries go? Your guess is as good as mine. Perhaps, next year. The fig tree standing next to it is trying to overdo everything else in the garden. It is lusciously green and full of figs! Last year, the figs took a long time getting ripe and I had to discard most of them because the weather had turned and they couldn’t finish their ripening process. This year, it looks like they are going to make it in time and in a week or two, I should have plenty of ripe figs to give away and to enjoy.
It looks like a bounty of abundance and I am grateful. The sky above is beautifully clear heralding a gorgeous day, not too hot and just right. The birds are picking up their singing drowning out the pigeons and the air, well, it is fresh washed clean by the rain and ready to meet another day. Inside, I hear the beeping of the washing machine telling me to put the load in the dryer. It’s going to be a beautiful day and I’m going to try and make it a great one.
By now, you know that most of my posts center around this thing called love. It’s because I have my fact-finding shoes on and I want to find out what it is all about.
It is elusive, that’s for sure. It morphs and never stays the same, that’s another aspect. It shows up when you least expect it and it doesn’t stay for long. It is loving and all-consuming but when things go south, it takes off on winged feet. This is my experience as far as love is concerned.
Poor me? Not really. It is daunting this task of finding “real love” but my curiosity is aroused and I’m not going to settle for anything less than the real kind. Curiosity killed the cat, you say? Well, Chachi, the cat, is doing pretty well in that respect and he’s wearing the Einstein hat now!
Someone said to me it is not about ego or attitude yesterday. I totally agree. However, it is not about accepting everyone who walks in the door and placing the “love tag” on them either. That’s a surefire way to disaster. One person called me complicated, well, more than one but who’s counting! Complicated in this case means I’m not willing to accept what is offered. It’s more like the caveman variety. “Here I am woman take me! I like you so no more wasting time and no more discussion. Let’s get down to business!” Nope, that won’t work. I am too emancipated for that BS! Call me complicated all you want but you’re out the door!
I live in a small village that time forgot. The marriages here last a very long time. Have they found the secret to a long and happy love life? Not really. It is based on convenience. Its more like, “I provide and you pander.” Get the picture? These marriages last for a very long time but they are miserable together. One prime example was my in-laws. They were married for decades and they boasted about the longevity of their relationship, however, fights were a part of their daily existence. When he died, she mourned his loss. I wondered if she was mourning the loss of the person or what she was accustomed to, that of nagging and bickering all day long. Perhaps, it was addicting but is that real love?
Someone else said, “If you find it, hold on to it.” I definitely plan to do that. In my journey so far, I’m finding that “love” comes disguised in all its wishy-washy forms but if you want the real kind, you’ve got to take your time, know what you will settle for and what you won’t and don’t be afraid to discard if it’s not what you’re looking for. It takes courage, it takes a single-minded focus and it takes walking the road less traveled. Shut out the noise around you. The one that says, “You can’t do this,” but more specifically the one that roars, “You’ll wind up alone!” I say, “better alone than with the wrong person.”
“Unless it’s mad, passionate or extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life: Love shouldn’t be one of them.” Unknown
AND
“There is no such thing as love, you just happen to bump into someone who laughs at your jokes, likes the way you’re face is and accepts the way you look at the world. Love isn’t real, only two human beings coincidentally lonely at the same moment in time.”
These are two things I’m curious about and I wish I can get a handle on both of them. So far, it has been touch and go. Just when I think I know what life and love are all about, it goes and changes on me!
One thing I know is that life is unpredictable more so than love. You can’t count on it being the same day in and day out and there is no counting on it to remain the same. If anything, it has the ability to turn your world upside down when you least expect it and that is exactly why I’m curious about it. It almost seems like it knows what it is doing AND it also knows that we are fully capable of handling whatever it throws our way even if we think it is an impossibility or there is no way we’re going to stand back up from the latest onslaught. Looking back, I think I was ENOUGH all along but still I want it laid out in black and white as to what life is and why it is so erratic. Some say it is the nature of the beast.
Love, on the other hand, is predictable. If you are in a bad relationship, it goes without saying that it is going to end badly. I have found that when I veer off the path and go my own way, I usually wind up getting hurt. It also seems that the “chase” doesn’t always work. If I take my focus away from finding love, the right kind of love, it shows up knocking on my door. Only problem is that I still keep looking thinking there is more out there, the almost perfect person for me and that is my problem. I know what love can do, how it can take you soaring or rip you apart and leave you gasping for air, that too is predictable. I am curious about the “forever love” the kind that lasts for a lifetime. I am still looking for it. If the person will show up that is the question.
I am curious about many things but those two listed above are at the top of my list. Perhaps, I should leave it alone but when has that stopped me!
There are problem makers and then there are problem makers.
“Avoid people who mess with your head. Avoid people who intentionally and repeatedly do and say things that they know upset you. Avoid people who expect you to prioritize them but refuse to prioritize you. Avoid people who can’t and won’t apologize sincerely. AVOID. AVOID. AVOID.” Unknown
AND
“There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.” Unknown
I’ve met some of those people along the way and they are the people problem makers. However, there is another kind of problem making that is much more incendiary and if allowed to, it has the power to drive you insane at times and at other times, you wonder if you’re coming or going. I’m talking about the “what if” scenarios that we are so capable of creating in our minds. The destructive kind.
“What ifs” have the potential to bring you down if used too often. It leads to heightened anxiety, it appears replaying unwanted scenarios in your head and it is known to erode self-confidence and it brings about self-doubt.
“What” and “if” are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.” Unknown
What if? What if? What if?
“Change your what ifs to even ifs and stop giving power to worry.” Mya Ramirez.
I had a heart-to-heart with someone close yesterday and the conversation centered around all the “what ifs.” What if things go wrong?” What if the outcome is not what I want?” “What if changes are coming?” You guessed it, those questions were all coming from my side. He listened quietly and asked, “Why are you so afraid and WHY are you having all these checkups done? Whatever comes, it comes.” He has this que sera sera attitude about life and whatever comes his way, he lets it roll over like water over a duck’s back. He seems to be living a worry-free life with that attitude of his. I, on the other hand, jump at every problem and let it take me for a ride for as long as it wants to. The end result, total exhaustion and a frazzled mind.
The talk did some good. It made me step back from my doomsday, “What if” scenarios and to take a good hard look at my problem and to come up with some positive solutions. One of those solutions is not to jump the gun. My worries will not change a thing but my efforts at doing what is necessary to minimize the damage may put a positive spin on the whole thing.
“The what-if’s and the should-have’s will eat your brain.” John O’Callaghan
And if by chance the same old question creeps around, this next quote might just help.
I’ve done plenty because it is at the core of my existence. Being kind I mean. I’ve brought small bouquets of flowers to lonely neighbors, mostly women, who are living alone in this village and that small gesture brings a spark of light back in their eyes. I usually help when it is needed and I tend to put myself out there and often to my own detriment.
One act of kindness that stands out is my offer of help to a young family who had lost the mainstay of their family to suicide. I didn’t know her well but her son and mine were friends. She was a vet and they had a good life going or so we thought. I recall the week before the incident. We talked on my front stoop and she told me they were heading to Prague for the holidays and when they get back our two boys could meet up and have a playdate.
A week later, my son had his friends over but that little boy was missing. I asked where he was and the boys kept saying, “His mom is gone!” I was puzzled so I called and found out the sad news. I wasn’t close to them but somehow this caring within me kicked in and I offered help. The father accepted. I was there at the funeral and it was a sad one. No one could understand why she had done what she did. There had been no signs whatsoever.
Anyway, the father asked if I could look after the little boy after the funeral, he needed time alone. I agreed and took him home with me. He stayed for two or perhaps three days, I can’t recall now. I would catch him staring into space not understanding but somehow knowing that his life had changed. I recall giving him hugs and saying, “Everything will be alright.” My son kept him occupied but the strange thing, I would break into tears for no apparent reason. Perhaps, it was the sadness of the situation or something else, I don’t really know.
I know that the boy still remembers the kindness that was shown to him. He is a young man now studying in Scotland. He has done well and his mom would be so proud of him. When we do meet and when our eyes touch, I see that he still remembers the kindness that was offered to him. It was a small gesture from my end but it helped him when he needed it most and sometimes that is what kindness is about.
Daily writing prompt
Write about a random act of kindness you’ve done for someone.
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