letsgetitoutfront

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

He was a Baptist minister and a social rights activist in the 1950s and 1960s. His power lay in nonviolent resistance and while others were advocating freedom by “any means necessary,” he pushed for protests, grassroots organizations and civil disobedience to achieve impossible goals.

As one of the key leaders of the civil rights movement, he helped to overturn racist laws that segregated public spaces. He helped to shine the spotlight on Black Americans and their plight of being treated as second-class citizens and he was the mighty force behind the Montgomery Bus Boycott and the 1963 March on Washington. He was a voice for the voiceless and when he spoke, the world stopped and took notice. He also helped to bring about the Civil Rights Act legislation and the Voting Rights Act. In 1964, he received the Nobel Peace Prize and he helped to shape American history.

On August 28, 1963 he climbed the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. and delivered his, “I Have a Dream,” speech. It will go down in the annals of history as one of the most famous speeches of all time.

“I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed. We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.”

Even though that speech resonated around the world, the changes took a long time coming.

In 2020, John R. Allen wrote in his article, “Systemic Racism in America Today,” that the Civil Rights Movement struck a mighty blow against racism – and our souls soared when Dr. King told us he had a dream. But we were and still are far from the “promised land.”

Furthermore, he added, “that the most hateful remnants of slavery persist in the U.S. today in the form of systemic racism baked into nearly every aspect of our society and who we are as a people.”

The man who preached non-violence was shot dead in 1968 while standing on a balcony outside his hotel room. Hate took his life but his dream lives on.

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” MLK

Many years after that historic speech was made, I would hear it. I remember it was a hot summer’s evening and I was far away from America and living a life of privilege where racism was something experienced by “others.” My life was safe from such ugliness. I heard that strong deep voice come resonating out of an open window and I stopped what I was doing and listened. Something struck a chord within me and it changed my life. I am a social rights activist and I speak out for social injustice everywhere. As Dr. King said,

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”

My pen is my weapon and I have written about social injustice throughout my life. Most recently about the “killings” of Black men by law enforcement. His dream lives on within me. Racism is a scourge on society. It must be stamped out at any cost. Unfortunately, the racism of today is much more subtle from that of yesterday. It thrives unseen but its ugliness is felt everywhere and it still has the power to oppress and destroy.

“Freedom is never given voluntarily by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.” MLK

In 1983, President Ronald Reagan signed the King Holiday Bill into law. The third Monday in January is designated as a federal holiday. This year it falls on January 15th which would have been King’s 95th birthday.

The man was a giant silenced by a gunshot but his voice and his dream lives on.

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” MLK

Change

“Your new life is going to cost you your old one.

It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction.

It’s going to cost you relationships and friends. It’s going to cost you being liked, and understood. But it doesn’t matter. Because the people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side. And you’re going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward.

And instead of liked, you’re going to be loved. Instead of understood, you’re going to be seen. All you’re going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are. Let it go.” Brianna West

Change is never-ending. It is scary but it brings you one step closer to who or what you want to be. It moves you out of your comfort zone and at times it will feel like you are being thrown into the deep end of the pool, sink or swim is your choice. I hope you swim.

Looking back at my life and the things that have held me back, I realize much of it was tied in with stupidity and emotions I could have done without. I could have learned the lessons in a shorter period of time instead of dragging it on but I didn’t.

This thing called love could have been easier on me. I could have made it easier but I wasn’t strong enough. I was in a vulnerable state and it seemed to attract the wrong types because vulnerability is often an invitation which says, “Here I am, come break me!” I should have walked when I saw that it was a foregone conclusion and my holding on would not change the outcome. It never did. I will do better I promise myself. I will let go when I see the truth staring me in the face and walk away with my dignity intact and with my heart back in my chest. I will let go before it drags me down to where I often find myself, right down at ground zero but the changes took a long time coming.

I am stronger today than I was yesterday. My heart still speaks the language of love but it no longer speaks stupid. This journey I am on has changed me. The weak or vulnerable one has been replaced with one who is confident, capable and someone who knows who she is and what she wants out of life. Something inside me screams, “I am woman, hear me roar!” Scary? Well, if you’re the type of man I am accustomed to, then you should be. I am looking to be loved but with eyes open this time. Working on myself is a mindful and daily affair and when I finally step out of my comfort zone, the journey will be complete but change is a lifelong journey and it will be a never-ending one. I can handle it I tell myself because I am no longer who I used to be.

“A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” James Keller

Yesterday

Someone once said, you are NOT yesterday. True but the stories we tell ourselves, the narratives that we trap ourselves in sometimes tell us that we are. Yesterday does carry some weight because it helps to define who we are today. The memories of yesterday can mold or break us, it can teach us not to do the same things over and over again and more often than not, it gives us the strength to carry on. The truth of the matter is that we cannot rewrite history and we cannot go back and change the outcome of a story that happened and is now done with. Yesterday is just that, it was and is a part of our past and except for the revisits from time to time of well-kept memories, it is nothing more than that. It is a story that is finished, it has taken its final bow or curtain call and so must we by letting it go.

This is what I tell myself on the journey I am on. I can’t keep carrying yesterday on my back or like an albatross around my neck. The load is heavy and it makes me want to stop, turn around and run back to what was familiar even if that familiarity has the power to hurt like hell. The unknown before me is terrifying and anything is better than this right? What’s before is shrouded in fog, it is dark and foreboding and forging through it takes superhuman effort but the small negative voice within me which at times roars like a waterfall tells me that I can’t do it! Take small steps, one step at a time, you don’t have to know everything, just trust and you will get there says this other shaky voice but there are no other options, moving forward is where I need to go.

Sometimes it is the boundaries we place around ourselves that trap us, that tell us that the imaginary world we live in is so much better than what is waiting out there. Sure it was painful but there was greatness too. It was filled with things I knew and cherished, in one word, it is irreplaceable. The stories we tell ourselves are the fences we place around us. Was yesterday that great? Did we embellish it like a Christmas tree to make it sparkle and shine when the reality is a different story? Do the stories we tell ourselves distort reality and yet it is the truth as we see it or is it because we want to see it that way?

Harold R. Johnson said, “We are all story. We are the stories we are told and we are the stories we tell ourselves. To change our circumstances, we need to change our story: edit it, modify it, or completely rewrite it.”

I don’t want to completely rewrite my past. I want to take the good parts with me, the bad parts I want to thank for teaching me lessons I would not have learned otherwise and the pain? Well, I want to leave that behind where it belongs. Enough tears have been shed, enough wishing that it could have been different has not made it less so and closing the door behind me and moving on is the way to go. The next chapter is waiting and yesterday is done with.

“Forget yesterday – it has already forgotten you. Don’t sweat tomorrow – you haven’t even met. Instead, open your eyes and heart to a truly precious gift – today.” Steve Maraboli

Here’s to yesterday. You taught me lessons I didn’t want to learn but had to accept. You gave me memories I will forever treasure. You made me who I am today and for that I will forever be thankful.

Today is a blank slate.

Predators of Another Kind

I have come to the conclusion that in order to get to where I’m going or want to go, I need to take a look within and clean house so to speak. On this journey of mine, I have to leave some things behind, throw some things away that have been living rent-free in my head and take only the good along with the lessons I have learned with me.

One of the things that I have struggled with for a long time is the knowledge that nothing is permanent, it may have a semblance of permanency but it only takes one puff from the wolf’s mouth to blow the house down. A house of cards that stands on shaky ground is not stable and when you built your hopes on that house, you are taking a chance, a very risky one as I found out.

I came across a blog on rifenbay.com which speaks to the heart of the matter. Harsh but true.

“A human predator has no morality other than what they believe to be moral for their own benefit. If they can emotionally, sexually and materialistically gain their way by being destructive, then in their own mind it is the morally right thing to do.”

It goes on to add that these narcissistic sociopaths put forth enormous energy into conquering their prey.

I met one such sociopath and watched helplessly as she, the other woman or more appropriately the predator walked into my life and not single-handedly but with the help of my than husband destroy what had taken 17 years to build. The aftermath left us in shambles. She was brash, full of herself, bold and unattractive to boot. If Popeye’s Olive Oyl had a body double than this was it. Add pumped up red lips and you have the picture of ugliness in more ways than one. Contrary to popular belief, they are not always better looking than you are. It took six months to wreak havoc and when it was over, so was our marriage.

One might say that nothing could have rocked a solid marriage but is there ever a solid one? Years of being together makes it seem ordinary and the day to day existing together does take its toll on even the most stalwart of marriages. This often makes it fertile ground for these sociopathic types whose only goal is to land a man, any man at any cost. Along with their arsenal of “anything goes” mentality, they will dive to the bottom of the barrel to scrap up whatever they can to hold court as she did.

“If someone is willing to cheat with you, they will cheat on you, as much as you hate to believe it, you’re not the exception to the rule.” Unknown

More often than not, it was the beginning of an unillustrious relationship wrought out of insecurities, lies, anger and jealousy knowing full well that what goes around may just come back around and in her case, it took 3 weeks after the split and she was out the door. However, I had learned by then that I no longer wanted the man, the one with the feet of clay. I deserved better.

I have met a few more homewreckers or as I would like to call them predators along the way. They stoop to everything to get their man, oops not their man but someone else’s. Desperation is not the word for it. I have a word for them but it is beneath me to say it here. Decency, it seems, is not in their make-up and neither is respect. If a man says, “I’m married, “I’m taken,” or “I’m in a committed relationship, hands off is the message. Unfortunately, it gives them more fuel and motivation to conquer and destroy.

Here’s the thing.

“Your soulmate is not another person’s spouse.” Unknown

Got it? Not really? There are enough homewreckers out there and enough men who will fall for their bait and that is the honest truth. Permanency in today’s world is built on shaky ground and that is the sad truth but if you’re lucky enough to have found the man who will show these women the door than more power to you. I’m learning that I will no longer do battle to hold on to someone who is not worth holding on to. Who knows I may just find that someone who offers permanency of the unbreakable kind. There is still hope.

One last parting shot:

“Behind every homewrecker is a mother who failed to teach her daughter basic table manners, respect and the right amount of decency.” Unknown

The Straggler

I took a walk the other day. Walking is one of my favorite things to do. When the weather is nice, I am out there. When it’s cold, I am out there and during the in-between times I am out there. Lately I’ve had to put this passion of mine on the backburner because freezing weather has moved in and in between navigating the iced up patches of water and the muddy pathways, it has taken the joy out of an activity that I love.

I was bundled up but my face was exposed and the wind had decided to kiss my nose with its icy fingers to make its presence known. Just as I was about to give up and head back to the cosy interior of my place, I heard some squawking above. Looking up and to my surprise I noticed a flock of birds, they could have been ducks or geese, not sure which they were but they were flying in a L-formation, usually they fly in a V-formation heading to warmer temperatures down south. These were late heading out and there weren’t enough to form the V-formation either. Are they stragglers? When used in ornithology, it is defined as a stray, or strayed bird, out of its usual range or off its regular migration pattern. What had they been doing to throw them off course? Procrastinating? Couldn’t care less? We’ll make the journey when we feel like it? Or simply, we’ll move when the time suits us and not before.

Another definition for a straggler defines it as a person in a group who becomes separated from the others, typically because of moving more slowly. How many times have we experienced that? I know I have when life throws a curveball and I come to a complete standstill. At these times, I unsync myself and step out of the norm and what is expected of me. I move slowly and take my time and sometimes not at all. I stood watching as the migratory birds headed out, trying to keep up with what was expected of them and a thought ran through my mind. ”It is never too late” and another one followed suit, “Better late than never.” However, stepping out for a little while is ok but stepping back in and not letting too much time pass by is the key to moving on. You have to know the difference between the two..

Choosing to be a straggler is not always a good thing, keeping up with the status quo might be a better way of doing things but there are those of us who choose to be different. We tend to do things our way and if that means it takes a little longer to get there, to get back into the moment, so be it. Just so we never stop moving and we get to where we need to on time or a little late dragging ourselves to the finish line.

“Focus on what lights a fire inside of you and use that passion to fill a white space. Don’t be afraid of the challenges, the missteps, and the setbacks along the way. What matters is that you keep going.” Kendra Scott

I watched the birds fly out of sight knowing full well that some will make it and some won’t and that is the sad part because they waited and took their time. Reminding myself to get back on track, I walked home having learned a lesson from nature.

“The man on top of the mountain didn’t just fall there.” Vince Lombardi

Don’t Chase

“You’ve got to learn to leave the table when love’s no longer being served.” Nina Simone

This quote brought a smile to my face. How often have we done that? How often have we held on when it was absolutely clear that no amount of cajoling or talking someone into it was ever going to change the situation. If that someone does not love you or has stopped loving you, MOVE ON! Learn to leave with your dignity intact.

Easier said than done right? When I found out that my husband of 17 years had been cheating on me something broke within me. I can’t explain it, I became numb. After it wore off, I went into the, “I’ve got to save this marriage mode.” The truth was there was no saving what was never there. When he chose to cheat, he broke the sacred bond between us, broke the trust into a millions pieces, disrespected me and declared our love to be a non-entity. How do you save something that was broken beyond repair? Still I sat at that table. I refused to leave thinking we could go back to a semblance of what was. I cried, I begged and even made a fool of myself but chasing him after he had done wrong only gave him more power over me. He didn’t see his wife or the broken woman before him, he saw someone he could manipulate and decided that he could have his cake and eat it too. When that didn’t work, he walked chasing greener pastures so to speak. Unfortunately or fortunately, cheating never pays and soon that “green pasture” turned into a desert and it was over before he could say, “Hello!”

Commitment is a tricky thing. Sometimes we look for it in all the wrong places. We latch on and even if all the signs tell us to tread lightly we stomp in refusing to budge thinking that if we just waited long enough, something will give and sitting at the table of “no love” will turn into something glorious. The truth of the matter is as Matthew Hussey put it so succinctly,

“You shouldn’t try to sell a car to someone who’s in the market for a bike.”

I am learning that I’m NOT looking for the guy who wants to buy the bike, he can have it for all I care. I don’t think I’m even trying to sell a car. These days, I know that I don’t have to sell anything. I am good enough as I am, no selling required!

“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.” Roy T. Bennett

A Desert By Another Name

It is Sunday, time to relax, review the past week, take the good and leave the past behind after learning from the lessons it taught of course. Mine for the week was, LET IT BE.

As I looked at my messages, a picture popped onto the screen. It caught my attention because it was absolutely gorgeous. I stared at it for a few minutes and decided to go on my fact finding mission.

The picture was of the Atacama Desert sent to me by a Chilean friend. Little did he know that I would be awe-struck by it. I found out that it is located in the north of Chile. It is nothing much to look at during the arid period because it is considered hostile territory and touted as one of the driest non-polar desert on Earth. Detecting life there would be like detecting life on Mars because only the hardiest microbes survive there. Oh but what a transformation when the rains come. The Atacama desert flowering takes place from September to November which is the Southern Hemisphere’s spring. It is considered a miracle and it occurs when heavy rainfall saturates the ground causing the seeds and bulbs deep within the surface to germinate and flower. During this time, over 200 flower species can be seen waving their beautiful heads and covering the once arid landscape with color and stunning beauty. Unbelievable? It is.

What if life was like this phenomenon? Just like this desert, there are times when we go through dry patches and at times arid ones. It is a time when nothing seems to flourish no matter how hard you try. Then there are times when the rains come and with the watering we see life as it was meant to be. Full of beauty, joy and at times breath-taking. It does not last for long but then again nothing ever stands still in life right? Like the seasons, there is a time for everything so it is with the desert and with us. Keep moving is the message, work on the hard stuff and who knows just when you thought it was impossible, the rains will come and reward you with a desert blooming of your own! Never say never and anything is possible.

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” Robert Frost

Have an amazing day.

Love of Another Kind

Albert Schweizer said:

“There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.”

He didn’t know at the time just how much truth there is in that one little phrase. My little furry friend walked into my life in the arms of my then boyfriend, in the form of a British short-haired variety and disguised as a birthday gift. Our eyes locked and he meowed his dissatisfaction at being forced to leave everything he knew behind, more specifically the safe haven of his mother’s embrace. He stretched his long neck towards me peering suspiciously at the human before him. I reached out and rubbed one hand over his tiny head and the purring that followed had me hooked from day one.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I see him watching, his big dark eyes trained in my direction. ”What’s my next move to get her out of bed?” he seems to say. He has tried everything from his reservoir of cat arsenal and it hasn’t worked. Jumping on the bed hasn’t worked. Purring in one ear hasn’t worked. Rubbing his face against mine hasn’t worked and running one paw through my hair hasn’t worked either. ”This human is beyond my comprehension!” he meows and not too softly as he sits waiting and not too patiently!

Nothing new here. Our signals are often crossed but one thing is for sure, we love each other and there are no ifs or buts about it.

He’s been there through the thick and thin of life and everything in between. When I lost my friend the same one who had brought this tiny bundle of joy into my life. He was there to tamper the pain and make it lighter. I remember crying into his fur and holding him close. He took it like a champ even though I had soaked his fur with the tears that were running down my face. He was there when I had something to laugh about. He would sit staring out the kitchen window as I moved around explaining what had happened to put that smile on my face and he would look back with that, “I’m happy for you” look or at times he would look at me with that, “I don’t know what you are droning on about but it is alright.” Talking to him has become a daily occurrence and we have an understanding of sorts. He has his world and I have mine but the love we share is of the non-negotiable type. It is there to stay and I can’t see my world without him.

Today as I roll out of bed and head on downstairs to make my first cup of coffee, he takes his spot by the kitchen window staring out at the world before him. At times, he will hear me humming and at times he will hear me whisper his name as I plant a soft kiss on his head and whisper, “I love you.” Everything is right in his world and in mine because his presence in my life is a Godsent and if there is a love never-ending, then this is it.

His name is Chachi and he is my love of a different kind.

“I have felt cats rubbing their faces against mine and touching my cheek with claws carefully sheathed. These things, to me, are expressions of love.” James Herriot

Finding Love

Love is elusive, it has been said. It is hard to pin down said another. Sometimes it hides in plain sight but it is the one thing that we can’t live without says the heart. Sure, we can pretend that it doesn’t matter if we have love or not and convince ourselves that it is absolutely alright but in those moments when all is quiet and looking up at the night sky lit up with a million stars that is when your heart reminds you that there is more to life than standing here all alone surrounded by such beauty. It is at these moments that your heart yearns for something more, someone to hold, someone to share hugs and kisses with and that one special someone who will finally complete you.

“It’s impossible,” said pride.

“It’s risky,” said experience.

“It’s pointless,” said reason.

“Give it a try,” whispered the heart. Unknown.

Giving it a try is easy. Taking the risk, we’ve all tried that. Impossible and pointless? I don’t know about that but I’m on the search for love, true love. Not the “whishy washy” variety that disguises itself as love but in reality is far from it. This kind of love has the potential to break your heart in two or more pieces if given the chance but I’m looking for the type that can weather any storm. However, I have the tendency to jump in with both feet where love is concerned but I am learning as I go along. The solution could be that we need to stop doing this.

“Stop planting flowers in peoples yards who aren’t going to water them.” Hylyrikz.com

How many times have we done that? Plenty? I know I’ve done that many times knowing full well that I was stepping on dangerous ground. Yet, I kept on doing it saying, “It has potential, it could be what I’ve been looking for.” And what is that?” you might ask. Is it someone who treats you like you are ordinary? You deserve much more and I deserve much more than that. Ordinary is not my thing, has never been and will never be my thing. If someone you love treats you as “ordinary” it is time to move on and look for that someone who shows you that you are “extraordinary.”

“If he misses you, he’ll call.

If he wants you, he’ll say it.

If he cares, he’ll show it.

And if not, he can’t be worth your time.” Unknown.

This quote says it all. The journey to finding love is hard enough but if you have someone who doesn’t show you all of the above, it is time to move on. Love is not about you chasing someone with no reciprocation in return. It is the meeting of minds and of hearts but it is so much more. The caring will show if the love is there. Pay attention to what is shown because it will show you the reality of the situation. Which brings me to the last part.

“Never apologize for trusting your intuition – your brain can play tricks, your heart can blind, but your gut is always right.” Rachel Wolchin

Listen to your gut, we’ve heard that often enough right? How often have we turned our backs on it? I know I have more times than I can count on the fingers of one hand. It was my way of turning a blind eye when the truth was staring me in the face. I walked down paths I should not have and at times the pain was unbearable but I had only myself to blame. Pay attention to that gut feeling, it only has your best interest at heart.

The path I am on is scary, the unknown always is but armed with what I have learned from 2023, I am confident that I am headed in the right direction. I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, take a couple of deep breaths and keep on moving. If I stumble along the way and fall which I know I will, it is alright, I will gather up yet another lesson learned and keep moving to the finish line. The end goal is finding love, the kind that will last a lifetime not just for the here and now. When I do find that elusive someone it will not be about completing me but more about adding to who I am and making me feel absolutely extraordinary!

There is hope.

Davidsbeenhere

If you’ve never heard of him, it’s time to look him up. He’s a Youtuber with a mission. His goal is to travel the world to experience everything a country has to offer but I think he has a bigger goal.

David is a breath of fresh air. The good-looking young man from Miami has visited 101 countries so far and has hosted and produced over 2,000 episodes. I am a die-hard fan and I watch each and every episode religiously. When most of us would turn our noses up at some of the places he visits and get put off by the dirt and poverty, David walks in with open arms and ready to embrace everything, food included. He plunges in with both feet and with mouth wide open.

Last night, I watched the New Jersey episodes. I did not know that northeastern USA had a “Little India” smack dap in the middle of it. The variety was tremendous and if you like Indian food, this is the place to visit. David is a lover of Indian food and I think his mission is to bring this cuisine to the forefront. I personally think he was an Indian in his past life! We know Chinese food right? Who doesn’t? However, if David has his way, Indian food would be right up there. Indian food has had a bad rap but that doesn’t necessarily mean it is all bad. I am a lover of Indian food so it warmed my heart to see a “white” man waving the Indian flag and shining the spotlight on Indian food. The recognition is well-deserved. It is not just about curries and rice but so much more. Eating with your hand does not deter him either. If anything he does it like a pro and teaches others to do it right. All in all, he oozes wide-eyed amazement and pairs it with corny-eyed expressions with every handful that he puts in his mouth.

I revived my love for Indian food recently when I walked into an Indian restaurant in Germany. The music was loud, the murals on the walls colorful and the waitresses were dancing to Bollywood music. My first sip of Chai tea told me that I was going to be transported somewhere, little did I know that I would be climbing the stairs to heaven! I decided on Masala Dosai. Simple, crispy and crepe-like but there was nothing simple about this dish. The Dosai was mind-bogglingly delicious, every bite scrumptious. I drowned myself in sensations I had forgotten and dived right in. The three different chutneys added to the flavor spectrum but this simple dish brought back many memories and none of them bad. The plate was emptied in a record amount of time, my tummy purred with satisfaction and I left the restaurant wearing a smile on my face. How can something so simple stir up so many emotions? Ask David, he’ll tell you! It is the layering of complex spices, the simplicity of pairing vegetables and the health benefits of a cuisine that has existed for over 8,000 years which has led to a diversity of flavors. It is a cuisine that has played down its greatness for a long long time but the time has come for it to roar like the lion that it is and to take centerstage in all its glory. Try it, indulge in it and walk away thinking, “Where have you been all my life?!!”

“It smells!” “Too spicy!” ”Not sure what’s in it!” are all phrases we’ve heard as far as Indian food goes but David is working single-handedly to remove the biases, the ones tinged with racist overtones. He is bringing one of the world’s best cuisine to the forefront with no reservations and with no apologies. Eat and enjoy is his motto and I say,

“If you like us, subscribe!”

Thumbs up!