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Know Your Self Worth

“Recognize your own worth and you won’t be drawn to those who don’t see it.” Doe Zantamata

According to medium.com, “Your value is directly linked to your belief. If you treat yourself like garbage, you’ll never appreciate your potential.”

It’s interesting how many of us walk into relationships expecting the other person to validate us in some way. We look to them to make us feel wanted, to feel loved, to feel that we are worthy and to make us feel special. Basically we hand over our power and energy to that person and wait to get reimbursed. When it doesn’t happen, we find ourselves in a dark place and beat ourselves down to a pulp.

The truth is, self-worth is your sense of self, your values and your belief that you are worthy of care, support and compassion. It basically means you value yourself enough to know the boundaries and limits and what you’ll accept and what you won’t. It is that feeling within you that says you are worthy and deserving of the right kind of love and that there is a balance in the relationship. If you’ve been doing the chasing and you’re the only one investing in the relationship with your time, energy and efforts and you are not getting or getting next to nothing in return, then it’s time to reevaluate and to take a good hard look at your self-worth. How much is it worth?

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” Anna Taylor

If your self-worth is lacking, here are some strategies to improve it from the people in the know. (verywellmind.com)

Do things you enjoy and are good at:

These help to reinforce your strengths and abilities and can make you more confident.

Exercise and challenge yourself:

Physical activity is linked to a greater sense of self-worth. It also helps to recalibrate your mindset and offers both physical and mental benefits.

Challenge negative thoughts:

Thoughts are not facts. Next time you have a negative self-thought, think of an alternative realistic thought to replace it.

Be kind to yourself.

Learn to be assertive.

Start saying “no!” I have to learn this one myself.

Focus on the positive.

It is important to have a healthy sense of self-worth because loving, respecting and valuing yourself starts with you. It is the first step towards gaining the same from others.

“Once you discover your true worth, walking away from where you are not valued will become the easiest hard thing you will ever do.” Unknown

If they don’t see you as valuable then don’t try to convince them. Remember the only person you need validation from is you. You are enough as you are, you are worthy, you deserve respect, your well-being matters and so does your emotional health. Work on your self-worth and you’ll start attracting the right kind of people, the kind who will respect your worth.

“When you realize your self-worth you’ll stop giving people discounts.” Unknown

AND

“Know your worth and then make sure to add tax.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Building Confidence

“Confidence is not “They will like me,” confidence is I will be fine if they don’t.” Christina Grimmie

You are not born with confidence, it is a process that gets stronger with time and it is also something that is learned and developed over time. However, it is not easy to build confidence especially if the environment you’re in or the challenges you face is working against you.

It’s a skill set which combines the thoughts we think and the actions we take and in order for it to work to your advantage, you have to believe in yourself and your abilities. If you’re constantly putting yourself down, then it goes without saying that your confidence and self-esteem will take a hit.

If you want to develop confidence, you first have to believe in yourself. Then you have to accept yourself as you are, this includes the good, the bad and the ugly parts. Recognize your strengths and weaknesses and get comfortable with both. Now, improve on what you can improve. However, set realistic goals, ones that you can work towards achieving which in turn will boost your confidence.

One important aspect is to surround yourself with positive and supportive people because negative ones will drain your energy and drive you further down that rabbit hole.

“Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye.” Helen Keller

An interesting quote and one that speaks to the heart of the matter. I think it’s 90% how you come across and 10% of the other stuff. If you can fake it by standing up tall, looking people in the eye and making an entrance like, “God sent you!” that’s more than half the battle won right there. Of course, there is a difference between confidence and arrogance. The latter is an overinflated sense of self-importance and “confidence” a healthy belief in yourself. Arrogance leads to outcomes you don’t want especially if you’re trying to build your confidence.

Start by loving yourself flaws and all. So what if you’re not perfect, most of us aren’t. Perfection isn’t everything but building on what you already possess is. A long time ago, I walked into a hall and I saw this stunning girl. She was pure perfection from the top of her head to the very soles of her feet. As I watched her, I realized that she was sorely lacking in one human trait. The smile was missing from her face and she was pure “arrogance” in a stunning package which took away from her attractiveness. So if you’re thinking the “attractive people” have it made, it is not necessarily the truth.

“Every time you catch yourself criticizing yourself, think of something you love about yourself.” Unknown

Confidence is necessary to achieve success. Confident people take risks and push themselves to achieve their goals. Here’s the thing, the more confident you are, the more likely you’re able to attract positive experiences which in turn makes your world a better place. More importantly, confidence helps you to handle failure better because you know that it is an opportunity to learn and grow and not something that is going to destroy your life.

“It’s OKAY”

To make mistakes.

To have bad days.

To be less than perfect.

To do what’s best for you.

To be yourself.

Finally, work that confidence! The more you practice and use it, the stronger it gets and smile while you’re doing it!

“Inhale confidence, exhale doubt.” Alex Toussaint

AND

“Just believe in yourself. Even if you don’t, pretend that you do. and at some point, you will.” Venus Williams

Have an amazing day

The Journey

I’ve talked about my journey many times before. It is a journey designed to get me somewhere. Where do I want to go? I want to get to the top of that mountain. I want to say that I made it there leaving all the things that did not serve me behind and I want to feel the freedom of knowing that the “journey” was worthwhile and I can finally breathe again.

“Over time, I have come to believe that “brave” does not mean what we think it does. It does not mean “being afraid” and doing it anyway. Nope. Brave means listening to the still small voice inside and doing as it says. Regardless of what the rest of the world is saying.” Glennon Doyle

I still have a long ways to go but then again easy doesn’t cut it. It takes soul-searching, giving up what holds me back, knowing what I want and the courage to move forward not knowing what that path forward holds. The unknown is always scary but what if there is a “better” than where I am now? A better life, a better existence and perhaps even a better love. I am looking for that needle in the haystack but he is well-hidden and if he is there staring me in the face, I don’t see him yet.

Recently, I shared with a friend that I’m on the verge of giving up as far as that special someone is concerned. I told him I am tired of making treks in the wrong direction and that perhaps love is not in the cards for me. Perhaps, I should just say enough already and give up altogether.

He listened quietly as I vented and then said, “In German there is a saying, you find happiness when you least expect it.” It was profound, perhaps even holding a modicum of truth and coming from a guy wearing a bandana, it made me sit up and take notice. Not that I have anything against bandana-wearing men, I just didn’t expect this kind of deep thinking from him. He’s the rugged outdoorsy type but obviously has a soft core which he keeps well-hidden not visible to the naked eye. That said, nope he is not my guy. Anyway, the light went back on. I realized that I had met my ex when I wasn’t looking. It was my first night out after a long while of mourning over a break up and there he was. Our paths crossed and unknown to us both, the wheels had been set in motion and there was no stopping the path we were on. Perhaps, the inevitable happens when you least expect it and when the time is right.

If that is true, could we make it just a tad easier please? And if it does happen let’s make it forever this time around.

“Breathe through it and release anything that does not serve you.” Unknown

I’m no stranger to breathing. I do all kinds of different breathing techniques, I don’t believe in leaving it to chance so why not try everything there is to try and I might just hit the right one, the breathing technique that is, at some point in time. I’m also hoping that my intuition will take over and point me in the right direction but then fear, my best friend, comes in and blows it all to pieces. This journey has not been easy and making the wrong move from time to time always brings me back to square one. The message is clear, move slowly, one foot in front of the other. Patience is a virtue but not in my case. I’m like a petulant child who stomps her feet and demands that she gets it NOW! Life is not putting up with my temper tantrums so here I am again wondering where I went wrong this last time? I have to learn to bide my time, move with caution for the way forward is not easy to navigate and one false move and I am back to where I started from and I don’t want that.

“I was lucky enough to have been to rock bottom before, right? So I know for a fact, that rock bottom is always the beginning of the newness. It hurts and its painful, and then there’s the waiting……where you don’t know what the hell is going on and you don’t think any of it is going to make sense and then,

THERE’S THE RISING.”

I am waiting to exhale. I am waiting for “the rising” when all is made new again and I am given another chance at life, at love, at living and finally breathing freely again. I am looking forward to saying, “It was tough but I made it!”

-Say the thing you must say.

-Go where you must go.

-Learn what you must leave.

-Do what you must do.

-Trust yourself.

When They Say:

You seem out of control…..

You Say:

Thank you. That’s the plan.

For the rest of my life.

Glennon Doyle

Have an amazing day.

–

JUST BREATHE!

It’s Sunday, a day for rest and relaxation or at least it’s supposed to be. I wanted to sleep in but Chachi, the cat, had other plans. In a cat’s world there is no such thing as a Sunday I suppose so it was time to get up and get going! Where to? Nowhere special, he wanted to go downstairs to his window seat to watch his world come alive and so I must follow whether I want to or not! He’s got me trained and I thought I was doing such a great job raising him.

The weather is drizzly, cold and damp. Nothing to brag about and no walking out in the fields either. I need to keep the “monkey” which I call my brain in check so here I am back to writing to get my mind to settle down.

We never give it much thought but breathing is a powerhouse. It does so much to keep us in check, to help us relax and to see things with a clearer vision. My plan for today is to keep breathing, not the in and out variety which we do unthinkingly but the kind that helps me to relax. I am going to try some deep breathing combined with meditation to see where it takes me. Here are some quotes on breathing to bring the focus back to where you need to be if life has you scrambling to survive whatever it is that has got you that way.

“Deep breaths are like little love notes to yourself.” Unknown

“You will get there when you are meant to get there and not one moment sooner….so relax, breathe, and be patient.” Mandy Hale

“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go and see what happens.” Mandy Hale

“Stay positive, even when it feels like your whole world is falling apart.” Unknown

Breathe in deeply to bring your mind home to your body.” Thich Nhat Hanh

I like this one because it speaks directly to my state of mind. Sometimes my mind and body are out of sync and I have to bring my mind back to where my body is. Not always easy but breathing takes me there but not for long!

BREATHE

“You’re going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too.” Unknown”

Breathe darling

“This is just a chapter. It’s not your whole story.” S. C. Lourie

It’s okay if you’re feeling lazy and the only thing you want to do today is to breathe. It’s Sunday, it’s time to relax and to gather strength for the week ahead. Breathe and let go, you’ll be just fine.

And Remember:

“No matter what happens, you can handle it, and you will be okay.” Lori Deschene

Have an amazing Sunday!

Becoming Your Best Self

I don’t think I am obsessed with becoming my best self but I would like to get halfway there at least. Learning to achieve that goal is not easy because it takes practice and a driven mindset to get there. I am still learning and keeping at it and who knows one day I might say, I did it!

Becoming your best self is not an overnight process and neither does it happen by pressing a button. It doesn’t happen accidentally, it doesn’t happen by chance and it doesn’t happen by waving a magic wand either. It takes action on your part and a commitment to self-discovery and self-development.

“To be your best self you’ll need to first discover who you really are, then maximize your strengths and improve on your weaknesses. You need to completely shift your mindset and take control of your life. When you do, you’ll discover a whole new you.” http://www.tonyrobbins.com

This journey is a hard one. You’ll encounter the good and bad moments, some will be messy and progress will be slow but if you persist and set goals you can achieve anything. Becoming your best self means opening yourself up to challenges, accepting the setbacks and living life to the fullest.

“Prioritize who you are, who you want to be, and don’t spend time with anything that antagonizes your character.” Matthew McConaughey

According to notesbythalia.com, you need to practice wellness daily because it goes hand-in-hand with working towards your best self.

Get at least 7 hours of sleep daily. Move your body as much as you can. Eat well. Build healthy habits. Dedicate time to self-care.

You can’t lay in bed and manifest your dreams. It takes action to succeed. Ask yourself, what is success to you? Set value-driven goals and become “razor-clear on what your future vision looks like.” Align your daily habits with who you want to be and the life you want to live. “Boost your overall health, well-being and productivity,” meaning even your smallest daily actions will determine your future self.

“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” Paulo Coelho

In a nutshell, becoming your best self requires going within to discover the greatness there. It requires strength to bring it to the fore AND it requires courage and hard work to make it shine.

“You are what you believe yourself to be.” Paulo Coelho

Change that mindset from one of negativity to positivity and watch your life take off!

But before you do that:

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, INCLUDING YOU.” Anne Lamont

Then go out and:

BE YOUR VERY BEST SELF!

Have an amazing day.

A Lesson Learned

Photo by Catherine Leclert on Pexels.com

It was a nice walk as usual but only this time, I was bundled up against the bitter cold in a thick jacket complete with fur-lined boots on my feet. Unfortunately, I had forgotten my gloves in my rush to get out the door this morning. It was a big mistake because it was icy cold and my hands needed warmth fast! I shoved them into my jacket to keep them warm and continued on walking.

Winter was here even though it was still fall according to the weather forecast. Looking at the trees, I noticed that they had lost their golden glow. Some branches were bare to the bone and others still had a few leaves hanging on them for dear life. They were fighting a losing battle against the cold wind which was unrelenting and with every sweep, it sent the remaining leaves gliding softly to the ground. It was just a matter of time before the trees would stand unclothed and wait for Mother Nature to clothe them again. It will happen like clockwork and they knew they had nothing to worry about. All in good time.

Looking out into the distance all was quiet. It was grey and foggy and nothing seemed to be moving except for the crows gathering in the fields like they were meeting for a convention of some kind. God only knows what they were going on about but that raucous crowing was unsettling to say the least. Just then, I noticed movement past them and saw something unfamiliar. They were standing still like statues, their long beaks pointed to nothing in particular and the crows didn’t seem to bother them. I was fascinated and kept my eyes focused on them. They were migratory birds of some kind but not something I am familiar with. Movement did not seem to be their forte and silence and stillness seemed to be.

I kept on walking on the path I was on with my eyes trained on those strange birds. Suddenly, I felt a deep searing pain shoot up my right ankle and it stopped me in my tracks. I had stepped on a large rock and twisted my ankle! Fearing the worst, I moved my ankle gingerly and it seemed to be alright. I didn’t want to walk home limping all the way and neither did I want to wait for help to come get me! Luckily for me, everything seemed to be fine as I took a few steps to test my foot and moved on with no problems.

The path I was on was strewn with big and small rocks. Some places were still holding mud and others dry and some a straight shot with nothing to worry about if you looked carefully before taking your next step. You’ve heard the saying, “Curiosity killed the cat?” Well, it didn’t kill me today but my pre-occupation with something in the distance had almost caused a foot injury and it could have been a serious one.

We do that a lot don’t we? Instead of keeping our eyes focused on the here and now or in front of us, we veer off when something catches our attention and we lose sight of where we should be going. It might take a few seconds or a few minutes but that is all it takes sometimes to make one false move and to land on our backs or in this case with a sprained ankle. Luckily that didn’t happen this time. A lesson learned and one that will teach me to keep my focus in front of me and to not get distracted every time something catches my attention.

Walking back deep in thought, I was thankful that I was able to with no pain. Pulling my jacket closer around me as the wind kissed my almost frozen nose, I made it home in one piece and ready for a well-deserved cup of hot coffee. The birds are still on my mind but that is for another day.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY.

Let Go Gracefully

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Just like that….it is over. The feelings and emotions crowding your mind and raging through your body are almost too much to bear. Disbelief, anger, sadness, numbness, confusion and rage could be some of the emotions taking hold and letting go gracefully is the last thing on your mind.

It is a normal reaction. Give it time to settle down even if it feels like it never will right now. It is done for, so let it go gracefully.

“The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let the dead things go.” Unknown

It is not easy to let go and it is downright scary. Suddenly it becomes real and very uncomfortable. Most of us look at it as a relationship ending and there is a mad scramble within to want to save what can’t be saved. What went wrong is the first question that comes to mind. The more pertinent question is, does it even matter? Crying over split milk is a lost cause and venting over lost time and energy even more so. Consider it a sunk cost and take steps to move on.

Did I neglect his needs, wants and feelings?

Did he neglect mine?

What led to the breakup?

Did he fall into me or was I the one doing the chasing running circles around him?

Did he hurt me intentionally? There is a difference between hurting someone and hurting someone intentionally. The latter is done with total disrespect knowing full well that the action taken will have repercussions and not of the nice kind.

More importantly, how much of what I didn’t want, did I tolerate?

The answers coming back could be eye-openers because, as women, we tend to have blinders on when it comes to love and relationships. What we wouldn’t tolerate normally are the very things we are quick to disregard when it comes to that special person in our life.

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” Unknown

Letting go is a grieving process. You’ll have to go through the grieving to get to the other side. There are five steps to the process. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. There is a quote that goes like this:

“The buffalo is the only animal that runs into a storm rather than away from it.”

Why? It’s because, “they instinctively know that walking into a storm will get them out of the weather quicker, despite knowing they’ll suffer more up front.” Face your problems head-on with courage and determination and by spending time there instead of ignoring them you will be able to move past them more quickly and effectively.

However, if you don’t want to do all five of the grieving techniques, accept what has happened, don’t ponder too much on why it happened but know that sometimes:

“Not all storms come to disrupt your life. Some come to clear your path.” Unknown

AND

“Some things break your heart but fix your vision.” Unknown

Let go gracefully and walk away with your dignity intact. Smile even if it hurts and turn the switch off. It is done for now and you’ll be fine.

Have an amazing day.

President Elect Trump

Grinning Orange Jesus and convicted felon Trump has managed to walk on water and has made it to the other side powered on by the help of his followers and the “hot air” promises” that he made.

Here are some of those promises:

His first order as President on Day 1 would be “to begin the largest deportation operation in America history.”

How he plans to do that is all up in the air as America is a democracy and not a dictatorship, but hey who cares right?!!

On the very same day, he will “terminate every single open border policy of the Biden-Harris administration, and we will seal the border.”

It didn’t work the first time he tried that by banning people coming in from Muslim countries, because of legal and human rights issues so why should it now? Just lots more hot air and big talk from the grinning MAGA giant and now, President Elect.

“We will end inflation and make America affordable again.”

No specifics as to how he plans to do that and since inflation has been down, the man knows not what he is talking about!

“I will revoke China’s most favored nation status.”

Hmm….another “no go” zone not without repercussions anyway. Just more “hot air” from an aging and not all there man of the hour!

“I will not cut one penny from Social Security or Medicare.”

This promise has no plan backing it so no plan and no action equates to cutting benefits!

Just some of Trump’s empty promises made to impress and to bag the presidency and unbelievably “people” bought into it. Just goes to show intelligence is not based on IQ, not the dumb kind anyway. Truth and integrity doesn’t always win out BUT rage, revenge and ME! ME! ME! sure DOES!

GO FIGURE!

Narcissism

Narcissism is defined as an “extreme self-involvement to the degree that it makes a person ignore the needs of those around them. True narcissists frequently disregard others or their feelings and they do not understand the effect their behavior has on other people.” http://www.webmd.com

Narcissistic personality disorder is considered a mental health condition and it is characterized by a life-long pattern of exaggerated self-importance. It is a pattern of behavior that is often destructive to the people around them. These are self-centeredness, arrogance, lack of empathy, inconsideration for other people and inflated self-importance. Narcissists can be manipulative, selfish and they display a sense of entitlement.

“When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, there is always a whole secret life going on behind your back.” Unknown

A narcissist moves to a different drumbeat, one of their own making. Rules and conventions do not apply to them and if it did, do not expect it to last very long. It lasts only if you accept them on their terms. There is no compromise. Falling in love is a knee-jerk reaction for the narcissist, the emphasis here being on JERK!”

“Narcissistic personality disorder is the only mental condition where the patient is left alone but everyone else needs treatment.” Unknown

They’ll keep the facade going as long as it suits them. Yes, they can play the “nice guy” but only if everything goes according to their plan. If it doesn’t the gloves are off and the real person steps out, someone you never knew was hiding behind the mask they had been wearing.

Narcissist:

“(n): a more polite term for a self-serving manipulative, evil jerk with no soul and compassion.”

If the relationship doesn’t work out like they wanted which is all to their benefit, they’ll move on in a heartbeat without so much as a goodbye because their next victim is already on the line. They will show no remorse, compassion or empathy because they have none to offer. Their feelings only run knee-deep like their emotions. They will lie, cheat, stand on their head and declare on the Bible that it is the absolute truth and nothing but the truth in order to make you question your sanity because that is how they work. It is a form of psychological and emotional abuse all to the detriment of the victim. It often leads to anxiety and stress disorders. Unfortunately, it is hard to recognize a narcissist when approached by one because they don’t have a sign on their forehead which says, “I AM A NARCISSIST! Please beware.” Life would be easier if they did but there is none. You learn from your mistakes and hopefully the damage is minimal.

Never J.A.D.E. with a narcissist-

Justify

Argue

Defend or

Explain

AND

“If you see a narcissist do this….RUN!

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY.

Self-Talk

It matters how you talk to yourself. The more negatives you can come up with, the deeper down the rabbit hole you go. Positive self-talk is a must if you want a better mindset according to the experts and they do know what they’re talking about. How you see yourself and how you talk to yourself reflects the way you perceive the world around you.

I woke up this morning and immediately started berating myself for all the things I could have done better yesterday. I told myself I could have handled the situation better but didn’t so it was time to beat myself down. Talking down to yourself is a norm for most people and it only helps to create more negativity as it reflects back on who you are not. Let’s change that mindset. Here are some quotes to help you get there.

“Watch what you tell yourself, you’re likely to believe it.” Russ Kyle

“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.” Brene Brown

“The way you choose to think and speak about yourself (to yourself and others),

IS A CHOICE!

You may have spent your whole life talking about yourself in a negative way, but that doesn’t mean you have to continue that path.” Miya Yamanouchi

“Self-talk is the most powerful form of communication because it either empowers you or it defeats you.” Unknown

“Everything you tell yourself matters. It will either lift you up or tear you down. It’s your voice and your choice.” Unknown

“When it’s hardest, remind yourself of these things: I am okay, even if it hurts so bad. I am strong, even if I don’t feel like it. I am doing my best, and that is more than enough.” Nicole Marie B

“Turn off any self-talk that tells you that you are destined to live a small life. YOU’RE NOT.”

In order to get to positive self-talk, there are a few things you need to give up. Stop the negative self-talk in your head. Stop doubting yourself because you are fully capable of achieving whatever you want to. Get rid of the fear of failure and if you fail so what, get up and do it again until you succeed. Lastly, but perhaps just as important, stop people pleasing. You don’t have to kowtow to anyone. Be your own person and that is enough. What they think of you is none of your business.

“It’s not what we say out loud that really determines our lives. It’s what we whisper to ourselves that has the most power.”

If all else fails, do this instead:

“Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and SHUT UP!” Ann Bradford

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY.