Didn’t we just go through Sunday? Well, it’s on a loop and comes by sooner than expected! To put it succinctly, time flies. I made up my mind to have a quiet one today. No intrusions of any kind including my overactive mind.
Tomorrow is going to be a nerve-racking one. I’ll be test-driving the new car and I’m not looking forward to it. The weather is supposed to be rainy so that is not going to help matters much. Last Friday, I went to look at another car. Why? I told you, my mind keeps jumping around and it keeps me on my toes. Look at all that is out there before you make a decision, it says. I agree but pair that with well-meaning people who keep sending me information on what to look out for and yours truly on the Google mode and you’ve got horror in the making! I KNOW what not to buy and that is almost every car! So, now I’ve decided to put Google aside although it keeps begging me to come back, just like cheesecake does. Today, there will be no Googling and no well-meant advice. I’m on my own with my trusted Chachi, the cat, for company.
Monday will come soon enough and I’m not going to sweat bullets, well, I never do but that is besides the point. I will meditate for all I’m worth and go into a quiet space to psych myself up but without thinking too much. Make sense? No? Never mind, I know what it means.
I woke up feeling a little under the weather. It could be my overactive mind playing tricks on me. If I can’t get you through overthinking, let’s try another method! It’s not going to work. I’m going to go test drive that car, get it over with, and come hell or high water I’m determined to do it. I may decide against it afterwards and just have my current car repaired. I DO NOT like changes and that is the pull there.
Today, I have good intentions of being in my safe zone, taking it easy, breathing like a monk, and leaving tomorrow where it belongs. It hasn’t happened yet so why spend time on it. WHY?!! Because I’m wired that way! Okay, deep breath, let it out slowly and here we go into the quiet.
“I’ve learned over and over that life happens on its own terms, not mine.” Kate Walsh
Ms. Walsh is absolutely right in that respect. Life happens as it happens and most times you have no control over it whatsoever. What fun is there in having a crystal ball to show you everything before it comes knocking on your door right? Well, I for one think it might just make life a tad easier but no luck there. Life happens and you’ll just have to deal with whatever comes your way whether you want to or not.
“Life happens,” is an idiom used to express that there are things we can’t control, foresee or prepare for. The future is unknown, and anything could happen.
According to Sarah Pierson of Huffingtonpost, here are some tips on how to make life happen instead of just letting it happen to you.
Create a timeline of the things you most want to experience or accomplish. Basically have some goals and go out and get them done.
Take risks. I’m not a risk taker so this is hard for me. However, taking risks is the way to go according to Ms. Pearson. You need to get yourself out there in order to overcome the fears of facing life head-on.
Invest in people. Investing your time in people is well worth the effort it seems because the rewards are plenty. It is time well-spent, cuts back on loneliness and it gets you out there in this great big world of ours.
Learn to let go of that which you cannot control and to adapt. This is another hard one for me. Letting go has never been my forte and adapting, well, that’s right up there with one of the hardest things to do! I am willing to give it a go.
Seek advice from those who are living life fully. This is a good one. Learning by example is never a bad idea.
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Learn not to compare. If you’re always comparing yourself to someone who has more than you, who looks better than you or someone who just seems to have it altogether, you’ll never get a handle on your own life because you’ll always be hoping and wishing instead of bringing the focus back to you and that is where it needs to be to move forward.
“Be available for life to happen.” Bill Murray
In order for life to happen, you’ve got to start making life happen. If it’s a job you want, make a plan. It’s not going to fall into your lap, you’ve got to move to make it happen. Read up on the best interview strategies. Find out how you can hone your skills to come across as the best candidate for the job. Spruce up your appearance, those old ratty pair of jeans and seen better days t-shirts will have to go. Invest in some good clothes. It matters. Finding a job in this fast-paced and dog eat dog world is never easy and daunting to say the least but with hard work, dedication and effort, you can land the job of your dreams. Never give up and you are almost a winner!
If it’s a relationship you want, get rid of the no gooders. Period. If they don’t contribute to your life, get rid of them. If you’re looking for that perfect someone, it starts with you. Do your homework and find out what it is that you want. There is no such thing as ‘perfect’ but you’ll get pretty close if you’re willing to settle for mutual respect, love and honesty. The rest will fall in place.
If it’s happiness you’re looking for, you’ll have to do the work here as well. Nothing is ever handed to you on a silver platter. Know what makes YOU happy and go out and find it. Easier said than done? Well, yes but there is no other way unfortunately.
“Life happens to all of us. It’s not what happens to us, but how we respond to what happens to us that really decides if we’re going to be victims or if we’re going to get and have everything we’ve ever dreamed of.” Eric Thomas
Finally, get to know yourself. Spend time with yourself to find out what it is that you want. If it’s one or all of the things mentioned above but you don’t know where to start, have no fear because you are fully capable of figuring it out. You know what makes you tick, what makes you happy so don’t just let life happen, make it happen the way you want it. If it scares you, you’re not alone. Join the club!
“No matter what happens, you can get through the day. Inhale. Focus on the word, ‘relax.’ Exhale. Say, ‘I can do this! And then do it.” Ace Antonio Hall
At first glance I want to say nothing since I am the “epitome of boredom” itself! If you had a chance to look into my life you would agree. Let me explain. I lead a very boring life. There is no longer the pressure to perform as I used to. I went from churning out articles at an accelerated pace to next to nothing. Nowadays, the “daily prompt” is about as much excitement as I get throughout the day! I wake up looking forward to the questions that someone puts out there for us mere mortals to come up with answers if we wanted to that is. It makes for some good reading!
Now if there is one thing I hate or I find totally boring is the weekends. Paradise, as I know it, meaning the fields are no longer my own at weekends. It is more like paradise lost during these times when the locals decide to get out there in droves and from greetings to the masses (what I call more than five people) the place loses its beauty or its thrill and for me that is absolute quiet and peace where my mind is allowed to take off into its imaginary realm. I usually stay indoors at the weekends and that is totally boring but I am finding ways to combat that feeling. Meditation and working on things I need to get down and on me as a whole is working fine for right now and if that goes down the drain, I’m sure I’ll find other things to keep me occupied. Boredom is in the mind as I usually say, change the mindset and you’ll be just fine.
It is elusive, it doesn’t always show up and when it does, it may not stay forever. That is a given but still we seek it, we want the feeling that says all is well, we are loved and protected AND we want it to paint our world in colors of the rainbow or whatever color love brings. It doesn’t matter if it looks and feels like cubic zirconia, the shine is all that matters for a while anyways. The problem is, we seek this elusive commodity like a heat seeking missile but a warm willing body is not enough, it needs substance to keep it going and that’s where the iffiness, the wishy-washiness and dead as a doornail comes in.
Have you ever fallen in love with the wrong person? I’ll guarantee that all of us have at one time or another. I’ve taken that journey many times over. Each time, I tell myself I’ll do better the next time around and each time I watch the worthless relationship go up in flames. I’m like a gardener who had planted seeds and one who is waiting to see what the outcome would be. The hope is that all the care, energy and time would yield a bumper crop but no matter how hard I tried, that plant showed up poorly and died along the way. It got brown and shriveled and no amount of trying to revive it brought signs of life back into it. Yet, I held on because of the invested time, love and energy that had gone into it and I wanted some kind of return when there was none to be had.
It was time to let it go. Put it down to wasted energy, pull it out by the roots and make room for something new to grow. Something which is more conducive and is willing to grow under your care. Bad love like bad seeds are just that, there is no rescuing what doesn’t want to be rescued. Let it go.
Love is defined as, “a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion and commitment. It involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection and trust.” verywellmind.com
If some of those behavior traits are missing and keeps on coming up missing, then you need to step back, reevaluate and weigh the consequences of such a relationship. Do not make an unworthy person a priority in your life and toxic relationships are just that, the poison starts slowly but it spreads quickly. Examples of toxic behavior are cheating and carrying on other relationships while in an ongoing relationship and pretending it is a covert operation. The liars and control freaks need to take a hike and those who show no respect for the person they’re with are a waste of time and space. Add to that the ones who can look you in the eye and swear that nothing is going on when you know otherwise should be shown the door quickly. No time should be wasted on them. If you’ve got one of these cubic zirconia types on your hands, remember life is too short for hoping and wishing, remember you’re a diamond so you have no time and energy to be wasted on fakes. Make room for someone who is willing to thrive in your garden and put yesterday’s mistakes behind you.
“Something I just recently learned was that chased love is not love. If you have to run after it, talk it into staying, remind it of your value, fight alone for the both of you, issue ultimatums, or test it, it is not love. It’s not love, it’s not happiness, it is not fair, it’s not healthy, the only thing it is…..is a waste of time.” Jessica James
I heard someone put it this way as well but not in exactly these words. Why do you have a junk car parked on your property when you’ve got a Ferrari circling your property? Have the wreck towed away and make room for the new, something better at best. Even if there isn’t anyone new on the horizon right now, give it time. In the meantime work on being a worthy person, worthy of love and one who deserves the best as far as love is concerned. Anything less is an absolute no-go!
“Some people will only come into your life to teach you what love is not. And when that happens, I hope you know when to walk away.” F. E. Marie
I don’t drink alcoholic beverages. It is just my preference and I don’t think it tastes great either! Tried it once in my late teens. It was a beautiful looking glass of something red, an almost glowing liquid with an umbrella and a slice of pineapple for added effect and the guy I was dating at the time ordered it not knowing that I didn’t drink. It came, I drank it like a fool and got myself drunk! That was my last and only time coming face to face with alcohol of any kind. I’ve been to places where alcohol was served but I always refused. A stick in the mud? Call me whatever but I have willpower except for cheesecake of course!
I stick to coffee in the mornings and fruit juices and water throughout the day. I love tea too and I’m discovering that there is a tremendous variety to whet every taste bud on the market. Alcohol out but anything that does wonders for the body as a whole is a definite in.
“Failure is hard. But turn those failures into learning experiences, so that you’ll look back and be happy that you failed, because you gained more knowledge from that experience. Sometimes, it’s simply an indication to change your strategy instead of giving up completely.” Albert Rogers
“Change your strategy” is often used in the business world to place emphasis on a module that is not working so it’s time to regroup and refocus your energy into bringing in new options to make whatever is not working into a workable one. This concept works in real-life as well. If something doesn’t work, change it. Seems like a great idea at first glance but hard to put into action if you love the ‘plan’ you’ve put into action and and are dead set against changing it. If you’re someone who doesn’t like change like yours truly here, it is a concept that is hard to comprehend let alone to work with.
“Waiting for something outside you to change before you change is a broken strategy. Fix it by deciding to be someone different and do something different. Transformation happens from the inside out if you take action.” Unknown
Taking that into account, it seems like the most sensible way to go about changing failure into a success story. The problem is you must want to. It’s not going to work any other way. Pinpoint the problem, refocus your energy, find ways to take a failure and change it into a winning solution and put it into action. If you think you’re doing everything right and you still don’t understand why you’re failing then it’s time to really look at what you’re doing and find a different way of doing it. There’s more than one way to skin a cat as the euphemism goes and no matter how offensive that might be, being a cat lover myself, it just means there are other ways of doing something. Don’t get stuck in a rut. Be open to change and change your strategy. However, there are times when you can do everything possible until you’re blue in the face and still the same old failure concept comes knocking at your door and if that’s the case, do not despair. You’ll get there, just keep trying.
Learn to roll with the punches, keep getting back up when life knocks you down and never ever give up.
“When you face failures, don’t change your goal, change your strategy.” Vivek Bindra
I’ve experienced life in all its wonderful and not so wonderful facets and the one that I hate or hated the most was change. My motto was, “Why fix something if it ain’t broke.” The actual thought behind that was, “I like where I’m at, good or bad and change is for the birds!” It took years of resistance, falling down, refusing to get back up and digging my heels in AND screaming, “Leave me alone!” to realize that change is an integral part of life. It teaches us in a not so nice way that it’s needed, falling makes you gain experience and you learn that YOU are not God. So move along, embrace change before it’s too late. I learned it the hard way and I still bristle when I see ‘change’ coming around but these days I’m ready to embrace it, learn what it has to offer and to accept it for what it is. A lesson learned because it has to be learned.
“Failure is nothing more than a chance to revise your strategy.” Unknown
Oops! I’ve got to run. I see ‘change’ approaching wearing a smile on its face and with bells clanging and I’m not in the mood for it today. Just kidding.
I’m not too particular about people I hang out with, however, I like the nice types. Easygoing is my middle name, aside from complicated but that’s another story. I tend to be pretty down-to-earth so I generally get along well with people. The 100 watt smile that I flash every chance I get usually makes for a seamless hanging out option.
However, there are a few people that I think might make very good companions. People who smile a lot, I’m attracted to. I give out free smiles everyday, have always done so, and I think smiles make a person more attractive and approachable. People who place a lot of worth on integrity, punctuality, honesty are next on the list. I also like people who don’t go from zero to 100 in seconds. The “anger monsters” are not my type of people. Let’s see, what else? Gentle, kind, and compassionate people have a certain pull and I tend to gravitate towards them.
Since I consider Chachi, the cat, my people (yes plural) because he is just fun to hang out with and seems to be several people combined into one! I don’t like people who love to irritate or are looking for ways to let their frustrations out and if you’re in the vicinity, it’s fair game. Definitely stay away from such people.
All in all, I tend to be a nice person and easy to get along with. Looking for the same in people I hang out with.
We got dumped on last night and about 10 inches of snow came down! This morning, it was a winter wonderland with the trees wearing white heavily laden with snow. The bamboo tree in my neighbor’s garden is showing just how resilient it is. Come heavy rain, winds, or snow, it bends and moves and sometimes lies dormant until the storm has passed and then stands back up none the worse for wear. We should take some lessons from that.
Luckily I’ve got good neighbors. I was up at 6 and I heard some noise outside. Looking outside, I noticed a lady bundled up with a big snow shovel in hand, hard at work. She not only cleared up her front walkway but went on to clear up mine as well! However, within minutes the snow had done its job of filling up the clear spaces again. Bah humbug! This meant that I would have to bundle up from head to toe and clear it up again. After breakfast, I told myself.
A few minutes later, I heard noises again. Looking outside, I saw another neighbor doing the same thing. He was clearing up the walkway again. This time I told myself, “Maybe I’ll get lucky and I won’t have to go outside.” No such luck! Snow is and was coming down and in big flakes. It seems to be having fun showing us that it is going to stay for awhile. Anyway, I bundled up and went outside. My front steps were covered in snow so that was the first thing I needed to do. After that, I took my small broom and tried clearing the snow. It is no match for those big snow shovels! It did a weak job of clearing the snow away. I decided to bring the big guns in, my supply of salt. Surely, it will do the job of melting the snow? Well, it did only to be covered by the gleeful snow which was now having more “fun” than expected! I gave up.
Back indoors, I looked at the weather forecast and it is predicting snow all day. Let’s add more fuel to the fire, why don’t we. Tomorrow we will have 15 minus here and that is going to be COLD which means the temps will take a dip and freeze what is out there! Could it get any worse? Yes, it could but I’m not going to get into it.
I’m grateful for the the roof over my head, hot coffee and tea to warm my heart and Chachi, the cat, to cuddle with. Oh, one more thing. I’m canceling the car test drive tomorrow. It will have to wait till Monday. Not too bothered about it.
Time is not flying because I am having fun but because I’m caught up in a whirlwind of thoughts, not too good ones either! My son is getting ready to fly the coop and in a week or so, he’ll be headed to parts unknown and I’ll be at my wit’s end trying to keep my sanity intact!
A friend asked me, “Do you remember how it was when you flew the coop? Was it scary? The important thing is you made it, so remember that and know that he’ll be alright.” Easier said than done folks.
I know he has achieved much in his young life including finishing up his studies with a better than average grade. He landed three jobs at the get-go even though he had never worked a day in his life! I couldn’t believe it and now the fourth one is on the horizon. He has managed to carry on with his life all on his own without “mommy” hovering over him. More specifically, he has lived alone for over 4 or 5 years and made it. He SHOULD be able to do this as well, right?
Some parts say of course and it will be a breeze. Other parts, the ones that gather strength and let me play through the repertoire of what could go wrong scenarios are digging in their heels and showing me exactly what could go wrong. Just when I think I’ve got a handle on one thing, they push a few more my way. Walks in nature have helped but when I think I’ve cleared my head and walk back in the door, they are there to meet me head-on!
This is going to be a hard one for me. Letting go has never been easy but this will be especially hard since it feels like I’ll be missing a part of me. Is he ok? Is he safe? IS HE DOING WELL? Unknowns that will require both faith and strength to overcome. I’ve done it so far and I think I will and am able to do what is asked of me. The will is there but the “unwilling parts” need to help me along.
This too shall pass? Hopefully, fingers and toes crossed.
Letting go is one of the hardest lessons to learn in life. Holding on is somehow innately built into the human system and we are wired to hold on when things go wrong. At least, that is the case with me. If only I had the ability to “let go” when I knew that there was no point in holding on. Life would be so much easier right? Knowing that doesn’t make it any easier. I am an overthinker, an overachiever and a hold on with a death grip type of person. At times I am well aware that the ship has set sail and is out of sight but I keep looking longingly out to sea hoping it would return and everything would be alright but most times, it never does and still I refuse to let go.
“One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Whether it’s guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go.” Unknown
The hard thing about letting go is the fear factor. The unknown is always scary. We tend to fixate on what was instead of realizing that it is done with, a thing of the past and it’s time to move on. The pieces remain of what once was, be it a lesson learned or pieces to build a future with but only if we stop looking at that closed door and turn towards the one that is open BUT going through it is like leading a horse to water but making it drink is another story altogether.
Shannon Alder says:
“Forget what hurt you but NEVER forget what it taught you.”
If only it was that easy. Speaking from experience and being the proverbial holder on, I know that there were times when I dug in my heels and refused to budge because it was what was behind that closed door that I wanted. It didn’t matter that it was bad for me and it didn’t matter that it was gone, water under the bridge so to speak and still I held on for dear life. I cried a waterfall when I could have saved those tears if only I had taken the first step to go through that open door. Freedom comes in letting go which in turn gives you the ability to fly because nothing is weighing you down anymore. I am learning not to stay in one place too long, to look back and to gather the lessons I have learned and when the time is right to keep moving forward. Life is for living, not just existing and being stuck in one place is an absolute no go. It is in moving forward that you learn the power of letting go, the power of living again.
“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.” Oprah Winfrey
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