The Little Big Voice (Archives)

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We’ve all heard it whenever we do something wrong, or think we have done something wrong. We hear it when we take a fall, when we fail or when we know it is wrong and still do it only to find out that it was the wrong thing to do. It is at these times that the “inner critic” within is the loudest.

It yells, “Are you stupid? Why did you do that?”

It shouts, “You knew better but YOU still had to do that! WHY?”

“Your inner critic is the voice of your fear with a megaphone.” Unknown

There are other such moments but you get the picture. According to http://www.imermelbpsychology.com.au., your inner critic is that voice in your head that has a cold, demanding, harsh, punishing or mean quality to it,” and if you look deeper or further, “It is usually experienced as an inner voice attacking a person, saying that they are bad, wrong, inadequate, worthless, guilty and so on.” wikipedia.org

It is not a nice little voice and sometimes it booms when it wants to be heard. It has a tendency to make you feel anxious and often it magnifies the bad and minimizes the good in our lives. However, the inner critic is not something you’re born with but it is developed during childhood when a child often hears harsh criticism from “parents, caretakers, teachers and peers,” and it can change the way the brain develops. When it is given constant reinforcement of such negativity it helps to internalize self-judgment and a critical stance of oneself. The unhealthy inner critic leans towards destructive criticism and it can produce feelings of shame, low self-esteem, depression, self-doubt and it can undermine your self-confidence.

“Your inner critic re-affirms untruths about yourself that you have internalized to be true.” Athena Laz

This little big voice is not your cheerleader but it is very adapt at giving you the constant thumbs-down whenever you question something you’ve done or have thought about. Instead of bolstering you up, it joins in to tear you down and dances to the tune with glee. It is also exhausting, demoralizing and tells you in its loudest voice that you are not enough.

“The negative self-talk from your inner critic can be soothed by increasing your self-compassion and self kindness.” @heytiffanyroe

According to jessicaabel.com, you can soften that harsh and demanding voice. “When you access your inner critic and give it space and self-compassion, it will be more likely to ease up on you. When we slow down, ask questions, and take a breath; when we stop and don’t try to overwhelm and undermine that voice, we’re likely to find a little bit of wisdom about something that needs to be healed.”

“Understanding how the critical inner voice has affected your actions and held you back from opportunities will open your eyes to the power you have given to your inner critic.” Usha Maharaj

Turning down the volume on all that criticism, sort of taking away that megaphone to hush that loud and critical voice is one way to do it. Slaying it is not the answer because a little bit of “inner critic” is a good thing. Letting it get out of hand is another thing altogether and learning to respond to it is a good thing as well. This takes a lot of practice because you have to switch from silencing your inner critic to listening to it with empathy. Recruit it and add it your team. That seems like a good idea because we can all use some extra help in building us up and I think it (the inner critic) wants to help but unlike your intuition which has your best interest at heart, this spoiled and often loud voice just needs some taming to make it work for you.

If all else fails, you can:

“Press the switch off button to your inner critic and start being awesome.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

TODAY (Archives)

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I woke up bright and early with good intentions all stacked up in a row to have a wonderful day. Deciding to get a few things done and after last night’s struggle with my non-working computer and printer, I decided that today would be a good one come hell or high water.

The sun was shining and all indications pointed to a bright and warm day. I took a deep breath and left the house with a smile on my face. First stop was the ATM. I needed cash so I headed to the machine I knew well. Right before I put my card in the slot, I mumbled, “Please don’t tell me it doesn’t work.” I could feel myself bristling but biting my lip silently I pushed it in. It went through the steps needed and instead of giving me the money I asked for, it said, “Card Malfunction!” I couldn’t believe it. The lady standing behind me tried hers and it worked perfectly! I’ll try the bank I said and walked back to the car. I wanted to scream but instead calmed myself down. Remember, I had good intentions of having a wonderful day.

“A good intention with a bad approach often leads to a poor result.” Thomas A. Edison

I drove to the bank and before I could talk myself into more ‘bad luck’ I decided to put a good spin on it, a voodoo spin that is. I kept telling myself, “You are the luckiest person I know.” I repeated this mantra several times and pulled into an almost empty parking lot. Walking into the bank, I noticed that out of the two money machines, one was out of order! The other one had 10 people with frustrated and angry looks on their faces waiting in line. Could it get any worse and that voodoo thing didn’t work! I stood in line biting my lip and humming quietly to myself. After several long long minutes of waiting, I approached my nemesis, stuck the card in and waited for it to say, “Card Malfunction!” To my surprise, it spitted out the money and I grabbed it before it changed its mind. What was that about a good approach? I clearly wasn’t there yet. The day was just beginning and there was still hope.

“No exact recipe for today. Gather all available ingredients and whip yourself up something delicious.” Lin-Manuel Miranda

I was going to do just that so note to grumpy self, put a smile on your face, get something good to eat and head on home. I was going to have a good day even if it kills me!

“Today is like a ripe avocado, savor it before it turns into yesterday’s guacamole.” Unknown

I don’t like guacamole but I do love fresh ripe avocados. Just saying. Anyway, I made it home and things started taking a turn for the better. My book publisher just sent some illustrations for me to look at and they look perfect. I could feel myself climbing the ladder, the ladder of positivity I mean. Could it be that positive thoughts and a good day go hand in hand? Anyway, the day is definitely getting better. Working out to my favorite music helped as well AND doing nothing but vegetating for the rest of the day suits me just fine.

YOU DO YOU! Whatever it takes to have a wonderful day DO IT. I’m adding one more thing, I’m thankful for this brand new day to make it the best day possible and I’m well on my way. Gratefulness gets you halfway there, the rest is up to you.

“Today is a perfect day to become better.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

When Life Was Simple (Archives)

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A Series on Getting Back on Track

“Things to Remember”

Eat regularly (and well)

Get enough sleep

Sometimes being a bitch is necessary

Stop talking and listen

Don’t take anyone’s shit

Things WILL get better

If someone can’t make the effort to be in your life – they don’t deserve to be there.

It only ends once, everything else is just progress.

A good cup of tea can solve just about anything.

Stick to your guns.

Impromptu solo dance parties are good for your health.

Spend time with the people who matter the most.” Unknown

I remember a time when life was simple. Having my head in the clouds and my feet on the ground was a daily and joyous norm for me. Twirling on my toes, watching clouds go by on my back and chasing rainbows and dreams was what life was about way back when I was young and life was simple.

Splashing in duck puddles on a rainy day with only the ducks for company was absolute heaven. Covered in mud from head to toe and looking like a gypsy was a badge I wore with pride. Talking to unseen beings who only existed in my mind didn’t matter because it made life simple.

Chasing rainbow colored fish in a dirty stream made it the absolute highlight of my day and when I had a few wriggling in my hands with the sunlight reflecting off their multi-hued bodies made it even more so. Boys….hmm….boys were of no importance except as buddies. They did not have the power to touch my heart but that was way back when things were simple and I had wings.

Dancing in the rain, jumping over puddles of water and squealing with laughter meant I was one with nature. Anger, hurt and pain were unknown in a life where nothing mattered except for the magic I created within myself. Joy was an everyday occurrence but it became a thing of the past. It was way back when things were simple. I am a grown-up now.

Adulthood is defined as or means that, “they are an adult or that they behave in a responsible way.”

Someone asked me not too long ago why I couldn’t behave the same way. The answer is simple. Grown-ups or adults behave in a specific way. Propriety demands that I “conform to what is socially acceptable in conduct or speech.”

Going back to the quote I started out with, I will choose a few I can live with.

“Sometimes being a bitch is necessary.” This is an alien concept to me as being a “bitch” is way beyond my grasp of being a good person. Lately, I am learning that it is a necessary step to where I want to get to in my journey of life. A bitch is applied to a woman and defined as “someone, who is belligerent, unreasonable, malicious, controlling, aggressive or dominant.” Perhaps I need to apply this concept on my way to arriving at my end goal. Life is not that simple anymore.

“If someone can’t make the effort to be in your life – they don’t deserve to be there.” This is a hard one. Where once “men” were of no consequence, growing up means learning to deal with this species. If you thought women were difficult to comprehend, try dealing with this group! The end point is, if they can’t be bothered to be in your life and every effort is just lukewarm or worse cold then it is time to put your “bitch” shoes on and move on. Life is too short and neither is it just in black and white. It is complicated enough as it is and perhaps we make it more complicated. It boils down to, if you can’t make an effort, it is time for you to go.

Last but not least, “Spend time with people who matter most.” These are people who show up when times are tough. The ones who are not just “fair weather friends” but who are there without being asked. Get rid of the liars, the ones who have lying built into their DNA, this is a necessary step in making your life simple again. Liars are not worthy of your time and space because they say one thing and behave as if you don’t matter.  Walk and don’t look back!

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.” Hans Hofmann

Looks easy enough doesn’t it but believe me it is not. You can get back to the basics. You can still dance in the rain, imagine yourself splashing in puddles and envision yourself in a much simpler time and place. Truth is it takes imagination, hard work, determination and courage to get back to that place of simplicity. Complicated is just in your mind.

Have an amazing day.

The Power Within (Archives)

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There is an unstoppable force within you and it is called the power within. It can do the impossible if you let it. You, my friend, are more than the circumstances that surround you and YOU are capable and more than enough to overcome those circumstances.

“You have the power within yourself to make anything possible, you must diminish the doubt and ignite the self belief.” Leon Brown

“The strongest force in the universe isn’t found in the stars, it’s within you! Ignite your passion, fuel it with belief, and watch as your courage sets the world ablaze.” Unknown

“Strength does not come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t.” Rikki Rogers

“It’s time you realized that you have something in you more powerful and miraculous than the things that affect you.” Marcus Aurelius

“So wear your strongest posture and see your hardest times as more than just the times you fell, but a range of mountains you learned to climb.” Morgan Harper Nichols.

Just a note to the person facing the new beginning today. YOU are fully capable of handling anything and everything. Believe in yourself, hold your head up high and you have won half the battle, the rest will fall into place. Good luck on your journey today, I am rooting for you!

Have an amazing day.

Mandy Hale Quotes

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Mandy Hale is a blogger turned New York Times bestselling author and speaker but what captures your attention as far as her quotes are concerned is her ability to connect to the heart of the matter. She is “inspirational, straight-talking. witty” and she empowers women around the world with her quotes. Here are some of my favorites for you to enjoy.

“The only keeper of your happiness is you. Stop giving people the power to control your smile, your worth and your attitude.”

“There is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others.”

“The key to happiness is letting each situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be.”

“Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path.”

“To make a difference in someone’s life you don’t have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful, or perfect, you just have to care.”

“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.”

It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.”

“Never forget that walking away from something unhealthy is BRAVE, even if you stumble a little on your way out the door.”

“Don’t sacrifice your peace trying to point out someone’s true colors, lack of character always reveals itself in the end.”

“There is no model, no actress, no Miss America contender that can outshine a happy, confident, secure woman.”

“The real character of a person is revealed not in how they begin a relationship, but how they end one.”

The next one is where I’m at and it’s hard trusting and believing that “better” is on the way but I’m going to take that chance.

“Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible.”

Pay attention to this one. There is a whole world of truth in that one quote.

“The right man for you will move mountains to be with you, he won’t hide behind them.”

Lastly,

YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Have an amazing day.

LOL! (Archives)

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It has been said that laughter is good for you. According to the MayoClinic people, it can: “Stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. Activate and relieve your stress response.”

That said, it lifts up your face, puts a happy smile on your whole being and on days like today when nothing much is happening and it is cloudy and windy outside, it helps to bump up your mood.

Here are some quotes to get you laughing and put a smile on your face as it did on mine.

“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” Woman’s Day

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“My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.” Unknown

By the way I feel like that all the time!

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“Life is not a fairytale, if you lose your shoe at midnight, YOU’RE DRUNK.” Unknown

Probably from some poor girl who didn’t get her guy!

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“Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” Charlie Brown

Yup that’s me right there!

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Dear life, when I said, “can my day get any worse It was a rhetorical question not a challenge.” Unknown

I don’t care is the reply so buckle up!

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“The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24/7, 365 from birth until you fall in love.” Sophie Monroe

Been there many times over!

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“I am yours, no refunds.” Unknown

This one is scary! You mean I can’t return you and get a better model?!!

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“Love is a lot like gas, if you have to force it, it’s probably sh**!” Stephen K. Amos

And with that, have a great day.

Yesterday (Archives)

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Someone once said, you are NOT yesterday. True but the stories we tell ourselves, the narratives that we trap ourselves in sometimes tell us that we are. Yesterday does carry some weight because it helps to define who we are today. The memories of yesterday can mold or break us, it can teach us not to do the same things over and over again and more often than not, it gives us the strength to carry on. The truth of the matter is that we cannot rewrite history and we cannot go back and change the outcome of a story that happened and is now done with. Yesterday is just that, it was and is a part of our past and except for the revisits from time to time of well-kept memories, it is nothing more than that. It is a story that is finished, it has taken its final bow or curtain call and so must we by letting it go.

This is what I tell myself on the journey I am on. I can’t keep carrying yesterday on my back or like an albatross around my neck. The load is heavy and it makes me want to stop, turn around and run back to what was familiar even if that familiarity has the power to hurt like hell. The unknown before me is terrifying and anything is better than this right? What’s in front is shrouded in fog, it is dark and foreboding and forging through it takes superhuman effort but the small negative voice within me which at times roars like a waterfall tells me that I can’t do it! Take small steps, one step at a time, you don’t have to know everything, just trust and you will get there says this other shaky voice but there are no other options, moving forward is where I need to go. 

Sometimes it is the boundaries we place around ourselves that trap us, that tell us that the imaginary world we live in is so much better than what is waiting out there. Sure it was painful but there was greatness too. It was filled with things I knew and cherished, in one word, it is irreplaceable. The stories we tell ourselves are the fences we place around us. Was yesterday that great? Did we embellish it like a Christmas tree to make it sparkle and shine when the reality is a different story? Do the stories we tell ourselves distort reality and yet it is the truth as we see it or is it because we want to see it that way? 

Harold R. Johnson said, “We are all story. We are the stories we are told and we are the stories we tell ourselves. To change our circumstances, we need to change our story: edit it, modify it, or completely rewrite it.”

I don’t want to completely rewrite my past. I want to take the good parts with me, the bad parts I want to thank for teaching me lessons I would not have learned otherwise and the pain? Well, I want to leave that behind where it belongs. Enough tears have been shed, enough wishing that it could have been different has not made it less so and closing the door behind me and moving on is the way to go. The next chapter is waiting and yesterday is done with. 

“Forget yesterday – it has already forgotten you. Don’t sweat tomorrow – you haven’t even met. Instead, open your eyes and heart to a truly precious gift – today.” Steve Maraboli

Here’s to yesterday. You taught me lessons I didn’t want to learn but had to accept. You gave me memories I will forever treasure. You made me who I am today and for that I will forever be thankful.

Today is a blank slate.

Have an amazing day.

Taking Things for Granted

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“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.” Cynthia Qzick

We do that a lot don’t we? We take people who love us for granted and things that serve us for granted as well. I think it is a given in this fast-paced world of ours. We’re on the move and our focus is on a hundred little and big things that there is no time to stop and appreciate what is staring us in the face. We do take notice when the person is no longer there or the thing you depended on has taken a break for whatever the reason.

Learning to appreciate or to give gratitude is a lost art of sorts it seems. I learned it the hard way this past week as my dependable car, the four-wheeled contraption decided to show me that sometimes it needs a break too. I am very focused where my car is concerned. I make sure the service gets done and the summer and winter checks get done as well but this year I let the winter check go unnoticed. A well-meaning friend told me that it wasn’t necessary to get it done every year and I listened. I noticed that the car wasn’t heating as it should and still I left it to chance. It (the car) let it be known clearly and loudly that it was a no go! It is now in the service shop and has been there for the last 4 days. The water tank or tube or whatever you call it has a crack and needs to be replaced. I HOPE that is the only thing wrong with it!

The thing is, now I realize how dependent I’ve been on it to take me from Point A to Point B and I gave it no thought at all. It was a given and now I know that I’ve been taking it for granted.

Sometimes we need to stop, take a good hard look at the people and things we depend on and show them the gratitude they deserve. We tend to leave such things to a later point in time or only when they are gone or missed and that is not going to do it. Take the time to say, “I thank you,” or “I love you,” or even “I’m grateful” before it’s too late.

“When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.” G. K. Chesterton

Have an amazing day.

Update:

The car is back after getting a new water pump and a thermostat. It seems to be working fine and just in case, I gave it a well-deserved hug!

HOPE

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Looking back at 2024, it was a year of ups and downs, of small successes and big failures, of letting go and holding on and of falling down and picking myself back up, dusting off and moving on. It was of learning who I am, of surprising myself with what I discovered and accepting the inevitable. Through it all, there was hope at the end of the tunnel and like a beacon it beckoned. It said, “you can make it if you just put one foot in front of the other.” So I kept going clinging to the promises that hope made.

“Once you choose hope, anything is possible.” Christopher Reeve

Here we are in the new year and it is time to write on the blank page. Today as I glance at the new year ahead, I know I’ve grown, I’ve learned some lessons and I have let go of things that don’t serve me anymore. I hope that the path ahead will be easier than the last but then again when have we known life to be easy. But there is hope.

I hope I will find what I am searching for. Finding that elusive thing called love will not be easy. I am hoping that when I do, it will light me up from within and I will learn to fly again. There is hope.

Fear would have taken a step back and I will set forth wearing my armor of courage and nothing will make me stumble and when fear beckons as it always does because it has been a constant companion in this journey I call life, I will look it in the face and keep on forging ahead. There is still hope.

The road to success is paved with many stumbling blocks but putting one foot in front of the other will take me there. Looking up at that insurmountable mountain will make me want to run and take cover and fear will tell me that I am not going to make it but the path ahead is where I need to go, one small step at a time. There is hope.

A friend told me that he was alright in his comfort zone. He was happy sitting on the ledge and staring into the distance of nothingness. I told him life does not exist in a vacuum, my friend. It was time for him to move and take that tiny step forward. ”But what if I fall?” he asked. ”Oh but what if you fly?” I said. There is hope.

No one knows what the year ahead holds. One thing is for sure the journey forward won’t be easy and at times more than daunting. The miles to walk will be long and scary and looking for those elusive answers will be like looking for that needle in the haystack. But when all is said and done, I hope I will be standing at the finish line when this new year is done and looking back with a smile on my face at a year full of surprising finishes and much success. There is still hope.

Nikki Banas says it like this.

“If you only carry one thing throughout your entire life, let it be hope. Let it be hope that better things are always ahead. Let it be hope that you can get through even the toughest of times. Let it be hope that you are stronger than any challenge that comes your way. Let it be hope that you are exactly where you are meant to be right now, and that you are on the path to where you are meant to be. Because during these times, hope will be the very thing that carries you through.”

So my friends, let “hope” take us through this year and to the finish line.

Have an amazing day.

Let It Be

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Let It Be. How many times have we heard this phrase? I don’t know about you but I’ve heard it often enough mostly from well-meaning friends, people who care and those who want better for me.

Did it sink in? NOT when I was in the midst of what I call my “end of the world” meltdowns. During these times, “let it be” was the last thing on my mind. However, when you look at these three words, it does hold power behind its seemingly gentle facade. The strength lies in its ability to slow things down, to step back and to take a good hard look at the situation and to say, there is nothing left for me to do so breathe and LET IT BE. Three unassuming words but a powerhouse when it comes to comfort, acceptance and a message of hope.

I want revenge! I want my old friend “karma” to step in and do what I can’t do! I want payback! Unfortunately, revenge is a dangerous option and karma, well it takes its time and that is the problem. Payback? It doesn’t happen automatically. So what do you do while you wait for whatever it is that you’re waiting for to take place? Breathe quietly and LET IT BE.

There is comfort in knowing that you don’t have to do anything. Wipe away the tears, tone down the rhetoric and just LET IT BE.

Acceptance, well this is much more difficult. Accepting means you are ready to let go of an event or situation that has caused so much turmoil. How do you calm this beast down? Breathe deeply and LET IT BE.

Hope is a four letter word that holds power within its unassuming persona. When you zoom into this optimistic state of mind, all things are possible is the message. Armed with comfort, acceptance and hope, I’m going to breathe and LET IT BE, if only for today. Tomorrow is another story!

Today’s mantra will be?

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. 

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

The Beatles