Let It Be. How many times have we heard this phrase? I don’t know about you but I’ve heard it often enough mostly from well-meaning friends, people who care and those who want better for me.
Did it sink in? NOT when I was in the midst of what I call my “end of the world” meltdowns. During those times, “let it be” was the last thing on my mind. However, when you look at these three words, it does hold power behind its seemingly gentle facade. The strength lies in its ability to slow things down, to step back and to take a good hard look at the situation and to say, there is nothing left for me to do so breathe and LET IT BE. Three unassuming words but a powerhouse when it comes to comfort, acceptance and a message of hope.
I want revenge! I want my old friend “karma” to step in and do what I can’t do! I want payback! Unfortunately, revenge is a dangerous option and karma, well it takes its time and that is the problem. Payback? It doesn’t happen automatically. So what do you do while you wait for whatever it is that you’re waiting for to take place? Breathe quietly and LET IT BE.
There is comfort in knowing that you don’t have to do anything. Wipe away the tears, tone down the rhetoric and just LET IT BE.
Acceptance, well this is much more difficult. Accepting means you are ready to let go of an event or situation that has caused so much turmoil. How do you calm this beast down? Breathe deeply and LET IT BE.
Hope is a four letter word that holds power within its unassuming persona. When you zoom into this optimistic state of mind, all things are possible is the message. Armed with comfort, acceptance and hope, I’m going to breathe and LET IT BE, if only for today. Tomorrow is another story!
I wrote this post sometime last year but things haven’t changed much. The only difference is that I’ve stopped dating altogether and keeping company with Chachi, the cat. He’s the main man now but that doesn’t mean that I’ve given up altogether. I’m learning what works and what doesn’t and believe it or not, I’m stronger. The problem is the more I find out about myself, the more I realize that NO ONE is going to be good enough! It comes with the territory. Know yourself and what you will settle for but at the same time be prepared to learn that what you’re looking for doesn’t exist! Or it’s a 100 in a million but that in itself says that there is still a chance. Fingers crossed!
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Why do we keep repeating the same mistakes when it comes to relationships? Why do we gravitate to the same types of people?
These are the questions I ask myself over and over again. It seems that I am drawn to the same types I left behind. It’s been a never-ending cycle and it seems like Groundhog’s Day over and over again to the point that it is horrific and mind-boggling to say the least.
Liars, cheaters and emotionally-unavailable men seem to draw me in like they’re magnetized and I have no willpower when it comes to these types. I walk in gladly like a lamb to the slaughter.
There is a reason so say the experts. They say “opposites attract” and “we are drawn to people who are strong in areas we are weak.” Hmm….there is more to this concept according to them. Two people who have an abusive past will be attracted to each other because they are viewed as equals. However, an abuser is not necessarily attracted to another abuser. He’s attracted to an “abusee” – or someone who will tolerate and enable his abuse. So to make it short and to the point, the “abusee” is familiar with abuse, be it physical, sexual or emotional abuse and so she is attracted to someone who gives her what she’s already comfortable with it.”
LORD HAVE MERCY!
Is there no way out of this pattern? There is, but first you need to know that:
“Simplicity and Complexity need each other.” Unknown
However, there is a way out but not an easy one. You have to work at it with a narrow-minded focus.
Here goes. If you want to attract better, you must be better meaning you need to discard what is within you, the cause for your need to be abused. Find out where it stems from. Your childhood? Adulthood? The experts say look for patterns and don’t sweep what you find under the rug. The only way to learn from it, get past it, is to go through it. Otherwise, you’re doomed to repeat and attract the same types only in a different body!
This is exactly what I’m trying to avoid. As I have said in one of my other post, I am like a heat-seeking missile when it comes to the types I mentioned above. I find them!
Here are some tips from beyourownbrandofsexy.com on how to attract quality or high-value men. First, know yourself well and know what you need in a relationship and what matters to you.
Identify your Needs
Know what works and won’t work for you. Be selective and be ready to discard if something shows up as a red flag. “Loving the wrong person teaches you the red flags to watch out for the next time around.”
Don’t Settle
This is important. We tend to settle when we know that the person is the wrong type only because we tell ourselves that he will change or I can make him change. They don’t change, what they show you is what you get. So how do you stop attracting narcissists and the wrong men? DO NOT let them get close to you. Know what your non-negotiable dealbreakers are and stick to them.
Be your Own Person
This means be your own true authentic self. Say “no” to bad matches. Become your true, authentic self which helps you to gravitate to people who are better matches for you.
Be Persistent
If you want to end up in a solid relationship, persistence pays. This doesn’t mean being persistent in chasing the wrong types but staying true and waiting for the right one to show up. Dating is a learning experience and unfortunately, you’ll have rejections, bad dates and disappointments AND you’ll have to kiss some frogs but if you keep at it and know what you want, you might just land the man of your dreams.
While you’re working on that, take care of yourself as well. No point letting yourself go because that is not going to do it. Lose some weight if you have to, get fit both mentally and physically, take care of your skin and teeth because one guy did ask me to show him my teeth on our first date! They’re out there. Just know that physical appearance matters so present the best version of yourself.
Now, I have to go figure out the patterns in my life which make me attract the same types over and over again. That’s the cycle I need to break! I definitely want to break this cycle of attracting low-value men and having to kiss frogs and hoping that they’ll turn into Prince Charming. Time to get working to put my best self forward armed with the knowledge of exactly what I’ll settle for.
I swear if this doesn’t work I’m giving up altogether!
This post was from last year but I wasn’t alone this year either. My son decided to visit and it was nice. We had an alone mom and son time. Food was great, at least he thought so and he got all his favorites at one go! Well, two of his favorites, just the tuna stuff he loves and lasagne with a salad to tone down the high-carb intake. Anyway, Christmas is over and time to bid it Adieu again!
It has come and gone. The time of year where some wait religiously to put on their best light show and see who can outdo whom! The festival of lights in the Christian sense is now more about presents, presents, and more presents. Add the food fest and raucous family gatherings and you have the Christmas of today.
Never mind about that. It has come and gone and for some, it was a dreadful time especially if you are faraway from family and loved ones and had to spend it alone. It brings home “loneliness” and being “lonely” to another level. I hope you survived it as I did.
I was going to spend it alone and was prepared to do so with no problems at all. However, a friend was going to be alone as well as he had decided not to spend it with his son and family. Misery loves company as they say. He came over armed with roses and presents and even a present for Chachi, the cat!. How thoughtful but Chachi wasn’t buying any of it! He kept his distance and his mistrust showed in those big eyes and sweet face of his.
“Hey buddy, don’t try anything with my mommy!” was the message he gave and it came across loud and clear.
Dinner was nice. It was a low-key affair although he came dressed to please and I stayed in my sweats! I did deliver a good one. The menu consisted of wild boar in chestnut sauce, red cabbage and dumplings. Dessert was cookies and cake. You guessed it. It was cheesecake! We called it a night at 8 p.m. and Chachi, the cat, became the “main man” again. Exactly how he likes it.
If you’re wondering if he’s the one, it’s a definite no. He’s nice enough but there’s something missing and something else keeps telling me NO! It must be my usual, “No one is good enough,” stance or my intuition is working overtime to guide me in the right direction. Let’s hope it’s the intuition part.
Christmas Day found me in my pjs all day and breathing a sigh of relief that I didn’t have to bother with cooking and putting on a spread. It was leftovers and that was perfectly fine. I watched stand-up comedy which kept me laughing and I had Chachi, the cat, cuddled up next to me. It was a nice Christmas but I’m glad it has come and gone. Next up is New Year’s Eve but I’m opting for the quiet variety as well. A recluse? Seems that way doesn’t it? I’m loving it and that’s all that matters.
My son is home for the holidays. I can see that he has lost some weight but that cheeky smile remains the same. The first thing he did when he walked in was to look down at me and to put his hand on my head, not in reverence, but to show me that he was a big guy now! And he is. He is much taller but still the little kid I raised.
There is just this certain something that makes your heart skip a beat or two when you see the child you brought into this world doing well as a young adult. He is doing well. His current job keeps him busy and even though there are times that he “hates” the job, he is learning that working life will have its likes and “hates” but I’m sure he will take it all in stride. He is made of stronger stuff.
A little later in the day, I got a call from him from his Oma’s place that blew my socks off and left me in tears. I couldn’t believe what he was saying and I asked him to repeat it twice.
Him: “Mom, I got the job!”
Me: “The job?”
Him: “Yes, the JOB!”
He had applied for his dream job a year ago. Yes, a year ago. He went for two interviews and made it through both times. Then there was the painstaking process of finding out if he was the right person for the job. I can’t say too much but it is a dream job. This kid had never worked a day in his life! He was spoiled rotten and I thought he was going to have a tough time finding a job but he proved us wrong. Every job he applied for, he got. He seems to be an expert at doing interviews and breezing through them!
Anyway, he has landed his dream job and the person who called him told him that it was his Christmas present! He is on cloud nine and I am so proud of him! I’ve been walking around the house saying, “This is unbelievable!” So far, he has landed the job, the rest will be made clear when the new year arrives. There will be changes coming, a big move and so much more but for now, we are happy.
Can I say it again? I will. This is worth repeating.
“I stress about stress before there is any stress to stress about.” Unknown
Does that ring a bell? It does with me and I’m sure there are many others out there who do the same thing. We STRESS before stress gets here. I’ve been stressing for the past week or so and I’ve been putting it down to Christmas. Well yes, this time of the year does bring its stress factors. So much to do and so little time. However, I think that we contribute to that stress and make it a lot worse than it is.
“Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency.” Natalie Goldberg
How true?!! I’ve been rushing around trying to make everything perfect for my son when he arrives home tomorrow for the holidays. The house has to be just right, it should look Christmassy like he remembers it, presents need to be bought and wrapped and food, yes food is important for a kid who has been away from home and one who craves all his favorites! So much to do and there is just too much STRESS! That was my cry until I decided to put the brakes on it today.
“Stress is not what happens to us. It is our response to what happens. And response is something we can choose.” Maureen Killoran
I decided to choose how and what I do to get everything done in time. It doesn’t have to be a mad dash, I can take my time. I’ve slowed down, I’ve taken deep breaths, I’ve given Chachi, the cat, several hugs and kisses and I’m almost done for his arrival tomorrow. The presents are wrapped, they don’t have to be perfect, a stress factor in itself! Let’s just say, they are wrapped and under the tree, the lasagne is done and ready for tomorrow, the house looks festive and I’ve got what I need to make it through Christmas! Dare I take a sigh of relief? I think I will, it is well-deserved.
“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” William James
Choosing carefully is the key. Not everything is an “emergency” and some things can take their time getting there. It is not the end of the world. So what if things are not perfect, you did your best and that is what matters.
“Give your stress wings and let it fly away.” Terri Guillemets
AND
“Everyday brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace.” Unknown
It is that time of year when there seems to be a certain something in the air. It just feels kinder, softer and gentler. People seem friendlier, more in tune with life and rushing around becomes a “must do” and even though the hustle and bustle is not liked in some circles, it is part and parcel of the season.
Driving home yesterday, I noticed the Christmas tree vendor setting up his booth for the mad dash of Christmas tree buying. Not fake ones but ones that make your living room smell wonderful and out of the ordinary as the countdown begins to Christmas. I’ve always loved the scent of fresh pine accompanying my morning coffee as I go back in time to Christmases past.
However, it is not just about the good times, joyful times, the cozy times, but also about the moments I still hold dear in my heart. Memories of Christmases past where a special someone was there and he made Christmas so much better. The sale of Christmas trees brought back some memories that also brought a ache to the heart. He is gone now but those memories remain. The way he would make his way here excitedly on weekends ready to make Christmas a fantastic affair. A fresh tree was a must, he got the tree and I did the decorating. Menu planning was left up to me but there was always something special on the table, he made sure of that. Presents galore were all his doing and he loved giving. The Christmas tree vendor brought back some memories as I am sure more will come rushing in as we get closer to Christmas. He’s an “angel” now, this friend of mine, having earned his wings and I’m sure he’ll be singing with the rest of the angels welcoming the season in. Have a fantastic Christmas, “my angel.”
“But I am sure that I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round…as a good time, a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely.” Charles Dickens
It is a time to rejoice, to enjoy the sights and sounds of the season, to breathe a little freer and to hug a little tighter. A time to step back, to sit by the fireplace with a cup of something warm and to take in the beauty of Christmas time. Sure, memories will rush in, they will hurt at times, you will shed a few tears, but when all is said and done, it is the most beautiful time of the year.
I don’t make lists when I go shopping so I often forget things! Recently, I’ve started doing that and I find it is so much easier to get everything without doing several trips!
Fruits are at the top of the list. Right now, I’m into blueberries, raspberries, plums, mangoes, papayas and whatever else is in season. I love fruits so it is a must have on my grocery list.
Vegetables are next. Just about any vegetable is fine with me. Spinach, eggplants, zucchini, cabbage, cauliflower and beans often top the list as well. Salads are another item that is a must have.
Fish is something I can’t do without. I’ve found this new seafood place which offers fresh seafood and it is fantastic. I am a regular there because the local supermarket does not offer the freshness that this store does. They have all kinds of fresh seafood and the prices are reasonable as well. I eat fish at least three times a week so it is a must on my grocery list.
Meat is not that important, although, I do have it once or twice a week. If I do get it, I go for the not so fatty cuts of meat and if it’s pork, I go for the Iberico variety. Expensive but it’s a treat. The pigs are fed on acorns which gives the meat a certain flavor and it is delicious.
The essentials are next on the list. Water, grains, bread, and whatever else that is needed to get the household going. I’m learning not to like grocery shopping but I find that it is a necessity. Can we come up with something where you’ll have to press a button, put in the items needed and it gets delivered? I’m not talking about the home delivery service, this one will be simpler. Press a button and the items show up with no hassles whatsoever!
🎄✨ The Gentle Countdown to Christmas with Honey & Hubie ✨🎄
As Christmas draws near, the world begins to buzz. Shops fill, to-do lists grow longer, and the days seem to whirl by in a mix of excitement, errands, and festive chaos. Yet somewhere between the wrapping paper and the rushing, there is a quiet kind of magic—one that whispers instead of shouts. And that is where The Excellent Adventures of Honey and Hubie shines brightest. In the days leading up to Christmas, when everything feels fast and full, this story offers something rare: a moment to slow down. A soft place to land. A warm breath in the middle of winter’s hurry.
🌟 A Story That Brings Calm to the Christmas Countdown
While adults check calendars and children count the sleeps until Santa arrives, Honey and Hubie remind us of the kind of wonder that doesn’t rush. Their world is full of gentle courage, small acts of friendship, and the kind of imagination that warms even the coldest December day. Reading their adventures becomes more than just story time. It becomes a pause… a quiet moment shared… a way to settle the heart during the busiest season of the year.
🎁 A Cozy Escape for Families
As Christmas approaches, evenings grow softer—twinkling lights, warm rooms, and time spent together. Honey and Hubie fit perfectly into that space. Children lean in to hear about fairies, woodland creatures, and the brave little greyhound who learns to face her fears. Parents find themselves relaxing too, drawn in by the sincere sweetness of the tale. It is the kind of story that helps families breathe again—something peaceful to balance the noise and excitement of December.
🎄 A Christmas Countdown Full of Wonder
This year, why not make Honey and Hubie part of your family’s countdown?
•Five days before Christmas: Meet Honey and Hubie and slip into their magical world
• Four days before Christmas: Pause the holiday rush with a chapter of soft adventure
• Three days before Christmas: Share a lesson about courage and kindness
•Two days before Christmas: Let imagination take over where stress used to sit
• Christmas Eve: Cozy up together for a heartwarming read that ends the night with smiles
By the time Christmas morning arrives, children aren’t just excited for gifts— they’re filled with wonder, joy, and the warmth of stories shared.
✨ A Book That Feels Like a Calm Winter Night
In a season that often moves too fast, The Excellent Adventures of Honey andHubie reminds us to slow down. To enjoy the small moments. To sit together. To let imagination be the gentle snow that settles over everything else. Christmas may be busy, but a good story has the power to quiet the world for just a little while… and Honey and Hubie do exactly that.
May your days leading up to Christmas be cozy, magical, and filled with adventure. And may Honey and Hubie bring your home the gentle calm the season sometimes forgets to offer.
Most of us are “control freaks” when it comes to controlling outcomes. I know I am. We want to take whatever comes our way, things of the unsavory nature and we want to change it or we spend time, sometimes lots of it, mulling over what we cannot control and instead of letting go or accepting it as a lost cause, we try to control the narrative.
“To find calm, let go of the need to control every outcome.” Unknown
I had a tough day yesterday and “calm” had flown the coop and was nowhere to be seen. I kept playing scenarios over and over again and no matter how many times I kept playing it over, the outcome was the same. It was done and dusted and there was nothing I could do about it but to let it go. The only thing I could do was to control my feelings and how I viewed the situation. The other thing that was staring me in the face was that I had no control over the events of the day, only in how I dealt with it. It was time to let it go and I did.
“When you release expectations, you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what you think they should be.” Mandy Hale
I spent most of yesterday getting angry, agitated, frustrated, and whatever else you could throw into the pot, I was ready to take it all and to run with it! Human nature is such that we love to entertain problems. Truth is, problems do show up when we least expect them and they throw us for a loop when we come face to face with them. More often than not, anger and frustration accompany problems. Not knowing how to deal with them is why they appear in succession. In my case, it is the opportunity to fall off from the path of self-discovery I was on and to VENT for all its worth! Ok, it’s alright for awhile but I see the toll it takes on my psyche and even then, I refuse to stop, hell-bent on wrecking havoc as I go along on my path of self-righteousness! The good part is, I’ve learned when to put a stop to it. It took me most of the day but when evening rolled around, I was ready to come to my senses and to look at it with a clear head.
“One of the most rewarding and important moments in life is the moment you finally find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.” marcandangel
Learning to let go of control is not easy because letting go of whatever it is means that you no longer have control over the situation. However, sometimes that is a good thing. You need to step back, view it from a distance and come up with solutions to break down the problem and to make it solvable. Yes, it takes time and it takes focus but it is better than going off the deep end as I did yesterday.
“Real strength isn’t control. It’s knowing when to let go.” Christopher Barzak
Marc and Angel Chernoff are a husband-and-wife team and they are known for sharing their strategies for happiness and success. They are also known for authoring NYT bestsellers like Getting Back to Happy and 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently. Here are some of their noteworthy quotes. Enjoy.
“When things aren’t adding up in your life, begin subtracting. Life gets a lot simpler when you clear the clutter that makes it complicated. Bring your attention back to what’s important, and move forward.”
Great advice but the problem is, I clear the clutter and then I add new ones to the equation! A lost cause?
“Don’t fall back into your old patterns. Toxic habits and behaviors always try to sneak back in when you’re doing better. Stay focused.”
Totally agree, they do sneak back in when I’m doing better. At times it seems like it is done on purpose to throw me off course.
“Your worth is not dependent on someone else’s ability to be kind and loving. Accept this, and start acknowledging your own worth. Stop waiting for others to tell you how important you are. Tell yourself, and believe it.”
This is a really good one. Your self-worth depends on you.
“Remember, you alone get to choose what matters and what doesn’t. The meaning of everything in your life has precisely the meaning you give it.”
This one hit hard. I’ve been going about it the wrong way. I usually give meaning to things that don’t matter, that is my problem. Time to change that.
“Someday you will understand the reasons….that it had to happen, just the way it did….to give you the lessons you needed to grow. It’s never ideal, and it’s rarely easy, but what doesn’t break you today only makes you stronger in the end. Take a deep breath, and keep going.”
The problem, I want to know the reasons now! Oh well, I am moving forward, that’s for sure.
“Everything gets a bit uncomfortable when it’s time to change. That’s just a part of the growth process. Things will get better. Be patient.”
I’m at that uncomfortable place right now. Waiting for the “things will get better” part!
“Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it. Sometimes what you never wanted or expected turns out to be what you need.”
Hmm…hard to grasp this one. I’m learning to trust the journey but it’s the last part that has me confused. Oh well, it will make sense I suppose when I get to journey’s end.
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