love – Page 14 – Site Title

The Cinderella Effect (Archives)

A friend sent this a few days ago and it got me thinking.

“If life doesn’t feel like a fairytale,

If every beautiful sentence seems like ridiculous madness to you…..

Take your existence by the hand,

Be the artist of your own future,

Don’t wait for toads to turn into princes, or pumpkins into carriages,

Remember that everything that was conquered with effort, smells of joy that knows no limits,

Be your own fairytale.” Unknown

I would love to take that last line to heart but fairytales are made of fairy dust and all things nice. The guy gets the girl, a pair of glass slippers has the power to snare a prince and there is a fairy godmother who orchestrates the whole shebang! How far from the truth can it be? These days things just don’t work that way. I am not sure if it did work that way in Fairytale Land but make-believe is just that, you can work magic into anything and parade it as the truth and have people swallow it lock, stock and barrel!

These days you pick someone out of a dating site, whichever it might be. Then begins the excruciating task of deciding if it’s a “yes” a “no” or it lands in the maybe pile. It all boils down to as the saying goes from the Frog Prince, “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your handsome prince.” Not appetizing is it? And even then, you might just walk away with nothing to show for it and that is the reality of it.

Life is not a fairytale. The girl doesn’t always get the guy in the end and there is no walking off into the sunset and happily ever after either. More often than not the shoe doesn’t fit and heartbreak follows in its wake. I could go on and on but I am going to stop right here and lighten the mood a little. I hope these quotes help to keep you company as we go through life searching for that needle in the haystack.

“Someday my Prince Charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.” Unknown

That hasn’t changed much. You know what I am talking about if you’ve ever been in a car with a guy and he refuses to admit that he’s lost. Nothing new there.

I love this next one from Ms. Oprah Winfrey.

“Mr. Right’s coming, but he’s in Africa, and he’s walking.”

Ms. Carrie Bradshaw had a lot to say on this topic as well.

And just like that:

“A relationship is like couture. If it doesn’t fit perfectly, it’s a disaster.”

The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

“Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want and just see what happens.”

“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a girl will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”

Don’t despair. As the Fairy Godmother said:

“Even miracles take a little time.”

If all else fails,

Ladies,

Please stop wasting your time looking for Mr. Right.

Just find Mr. Left and drag that sucker to the right!

Just an update on this one. IT DOES NOT WORK and I’m still looking!

Have an amazing day.

Living Your Best Life

“Put yourself first on your priority list and watch your life get better.” Unknown

One interpretation of living your best life is to “live a life that makes you happy and also one that allows you to live your full potential.” quora.com

Concentrating on yourself is of the utmost importance. If you want to live your best life, put yourself first and foremost on that priority list. It starts with YOU and if you can get your act together everything else falls into place and even if it doesn’t, give it time to right itself out, in the meantime you’re standing where you should be and that is at the top of your list.

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” Unknown

Each day do what is necessary to get yourself back on track. If you’re down on your knees, stand back up. If all you see is grey clouds and no sunshine, make your own sunshine. Put on a smile, get dressed and go out and shine! Never underestimate the power of a smile, it does wonders for your psyche and your soul. So make sure to wear one even if you don’t feel like it.

Talk to yourself. Tell yourself, “I love you!” Sounds crazy? Not really. Sometimes or rather more often than not, we forget the person we carry around with us. The special someone who stands by us through all our big and little moments of sadness, joy, heartbreak and everything else that goes to make up this life of ours. Show it some LOVE. I’ve started doing this practice of positive self-talk and I say, “I love you,” “I’m thankful for your support,” and “I’m grateful for all the things you do for me.” After I finish I give myself a hug, a make-believe one but a hug nonetheless. This has proved to be an absolute game changer and within a few minutes I feel calmer and “happiness” courses through my whole being. Not always but that is okay too.

Here’s another important point. If you want to live your best life, don’t beat yourself up. You’re beautiful as you are and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! We are our own worst enemy and I know I am. I often tell myself, “Your hair looks bad today!” Or that little spot on my face has taken gigantic proportions and is now staring back at me with a grin. Sometimes I say, “I just don’t like how I look!” I’m learning to tone down the rhetoric and to be kinder and gentler with myself. These days if someone says, “You look good,” I accept it wholeheartedly without resorting to, “but that’s not what I saw this morning as I looked in the mirror!” Vanity can be a downer at times but learning to accept yourself flaws and all is the way to go.

One Day It Clicks

“You realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself. You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you would never recover. And you smile. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.” Unknown

Go out and live your very best life and while you’re doing it don’t forget to have an amazing day!

TRUST

A series on Getting Back on Track

“There are two reasons why we don’t trust people.

First – we don’t know them.

Second – we know them.” Unknown

The other day someone asked me, “Why can’t you trust me? Today as I walk the route I always take, thoughts run through my mind and this question arises over and over again. ”Why can’t I trust him and especially anyone for that matter?”

Then this quote pops into my mind. I’ve heard it many times before but today as the trust issue resurfaces, it brings new significance to it.

“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair.” Dhar Mann

It is defined as “having confidence in someone or something” and it means, “I can rely on you to do the right thing.”

Several years ago, I found myself face to face with the horrific dilemma of having placed my trust in the person who had sworn to love and protect me till the end of time and he turned out to be the same person who brought me down to my knees when he took that trust and threw it out the window for a roll in the hay with someone else. It had taken 17 years to build, the foundation was being laid brick by brick but it took only seconds to destroy and the “forever” part well I know that it will take forever to repair.

As I round a bend in the path all is quiet and it is grey and foggy. I realize that it is the perfect stage for where I am right now. Then a small smile crosses my face as I see this quote flash by out of nowhere.

“Don’t ask me to trust you when you’ve given me every reason not to.” Unknown

I don’t think it is about playing detective, trying to find out if you’re telling the truth and keeping tabs on everything you do. It is more about that feeling within, that intuition or call it gut feeling, if you will, that tells me that something is not right here. Pay heed to that gut instinct because it has your best interest at heart. No matter how he professes to love you and even if he stands on his head and declares that he has been faithful to you, take it with a pinch of salt or better still, tell yourself I have “forever” in front of me and time enough for you to show me that I CAN TRUST YOU.

Once I caught my ex in the act of cheating and being the liar he is, I told him, even if I catch you in the act, you will jump up and say, “You didn’t see what you just saw!” Cheaters, well there are plenty of them out there and before placing your trust on a whim or in a moment’s notice, take your time, observe, pay attention to the signs and never, NEVER be pushed into trusting someone simply because they say so.

“Some people aren’t loyal to you, they are loyal to their need of you. Once their needs change, so does their loyalty.” Unknown

Coming back to the question asked by this friend. ”Why can’t you trust me?” My answer goes like this. ”You know the answer and the truth lies within you.” On this journey I have chosen, I am looking for that needle in the haystack.

“I want to hold your hand at 90 and say, “We made it.” Unknown.

If I may add to that, perhaps only then can I say, “I trust you with my whole heart and you will just have to be patient. We have time enough until then.”

The sun is starting to peek out and today is going to be an amazing day.

I am moving on……

This Friendship Thing

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“Sometimes you need someone to be there for you. Not to fix the problem or offer advice or do anything in particular, but simply to be there. To show up. To be present with what you’re feeling. To see what you’re going through. To see you, understand you.” Unknown

Can men and women just be friends? This is the question that popped up, “When Harry Met Sally,” and sent some of us scrambling for answers. The answer as far as I’m concerned is that it is next to impossible in most cases.

I used to be the proverbial tomboy in my younger days and as such I had some wonderful friendships with the boys I hung out with. It was nothing sexual but of the innocent variety. I had my pigtails tucked under my cap and my ensemble of shorts and t-shirt had seen better days but I was for all purposes one of the boys.

It all changed when I turned sixteen. I got asked out on my first date. He was cute and I accepted. It was also the first time that I had worn my long hair down leaving it brushed and shiny and I wore a dress for the very first time! Lo and behold, things changed after that. I was no longer “one of the boys” but someone they wanted to dance with and spend time with. However, this friendship thing was still there. I learned that boys and later men make very good friends. There is none of the bitchiness, envy or jealousy, it was just straightforward, “I’m your friend,” stuff and all that it entails.

Later during my university days “friendship” with young men was still going strong. I had lots of men friends and although some were happy to be just a friend, others wanted more and that became complicated and made things difficult.

Now, I’m finding out that men are not as simple as they seem. There is a thing called, “friends with benefits,” and it is not my thing and never has been. I’m seeking the pure friendship variety like I used to know when life was simple and innocence was front and center. The problem is no matter how hard I try to make it clear right from the start it never fails before it starts heading in an unwanted direction. Not too long ago, I had this conversation with a male friend. We’ve known each other for quite some time and we’ve done walks, lunches and dinners but nothing more. Well, just a hug or a peck on the cheek as friends do. Here’s how the conversation went.

Me: Wouldn’t it be nice to have a Pyjama Party? We can watch some movies and just talk?

Him: I would like some snacks.

Me: Sure, I can get that.

I was thinking this is going great. Just some company with no hassles whatsoever!

Him: I don’t think I can do that!

Me: Why not?

Him: I CAN’T!”

Hmm…does everything have to be sexual? He was honest and that was a good thing but I wanted my good old days back and the reality is, those days have flown the coop!

Let me ask you:

“Can men and women ever just be friends?”

“Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.” Ed Cunningham

Have an amazing day.

Taking Things for Granted

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“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.” Cynthia Qzick

We do that a lot don’t we? We take people who love us for granted and things that serve us for granted as well. I think it is a given in this fast-paced world of ours. We’re on the move and our focus is on a hundred little and big things that there is no time to stop and appreciate what is staring us in the face. We do take notice when the person is no longer there or the thing you depended on has taken a break for whatever the reason.

Learning to appreciate or to give gratitude is a lost art of sorts it seems. I learned it the hard way this past week as my dependable car, the four-wheeled contraption decided to show me that sometimes it needs a break too. I am very focused where my car is concerned. I make sure the service gets done and the summer and winter checks get done as well but this year I let the winter check go unnoticed. A well-meaning friend told me that it wasn’t necessary to get it done every year and I listened. I noticed that the car wasn’t heating as it should and still I left it to chance. It (the car) let it be known clearly and loudly that it was a no go! It is now in the service shop and has been there for the last 4 days. The water tank or tube or whatever you call it has a crack and needs to be replaced. I HOPE that is the only thing wrong with it!

The thing is, now I realize how dependent I’ve been on it to take me from Point A to Point B and I gave it no thought at all. It was a given and now I know that I’ve been taking it for granted.

Sometimes we need to stop, take a good hard look at the people and things we depend on and show them the gratitude they deserve. We tend to leave such things to a later point in time or only when they are gone or missed and that is not going to do it. Take the time to say, “I thank you,” or “I love you,” or even “I’m grateful” before it’s too late.

“When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.” G. K. Chesterton

Have an amazing day.

Update:

The car is back after getting a new water pump and a thermostat. It seems to be working fine and just in case, I gave it a well-deserved hug!

HOPE

Looking back at 2024, it was a year of ups and downs, of small successes and big failures, of letting go and holding on and of falling down and picking myself back up, dusting off and moving on. It was of learning who I am, of surprising myself with what I discovered and accepting the inevitable. Through it all, there was hope at the end of the tunnel and like a beacon it beckoned. It said, “you can make it if you just put one foot in front of the other.” So I kept going clinging to the promises that hope made.

“Once you choose hope, anything is possible.” Christopher Reeve

Here we are in the new year and it is time to write on the blank page. Today as I glance at the new year ahead, I know I’ve grown, I’ve learned some lessons and I have let go of things that don’t serve me anymore. I hope that the path ahead will be easier than the last but then again when have we known life to be easy. But there is hope.

I hope I will find what I am searching for. Finding that elusive thing called love will not be easy. I am hoping that when I do, it will light me up from within and I will learn to fly again. There is hope.

Fear would have taken a step back and I will set forth wearing my armor of courage and nothing will make me stumble and when fear beckons as it always does because it has been a constant companion in this journey I call life, I will look it in the face and keep on forging ahead. There is still hope.

The road to success is paved with many stumbling blocks but putting one foot in front of the other will take me there. Looking up at that insurmountable mountain will make me want to run and take cover and fear will tell me that I am not going to make it but the path ahead is where I need to go, one small step at a time. There is hope.

A friend told me that he was alright in his comfort zone. He was happy sitting on the ledge and staring into the distance of nothingness. I told him life does not exist in a vacuum, my friend. It was time for him to move and take that tiny step forward. ”But what if I fall?” he asked. ”Oh but what if you fly?” I said. There is hope.

No one knows what the year ahead holds. One thing is for sure the journey forward won’t be easy and at times more than daunting. The miles to walk will be long and scary and looking for those elusive answers will be like looking for that needle in the haystack. But when all is said and done, I hope I will be standing at the finish line when this new year is done and looking back with a smile on my face at a year full of surprising finishes and much success. There is still hope.

Nikki Banas says it like this.

“If you only carry one thing throughout your entire life, let it be hope. Let it be hope that better things are always ahead. Let it be hope that you can get through even the toughest of times. Let it be hope that you are stronger than any challenge that comes your way. Let it be hope that you are exactly where you are meant to be right now, and that you are on the path to where you are meant to be. Because during these times, hope will be the very thing that carries you through.”

So my friends, let “hope” take us through this year and to the finish line.

Have an amazing day.

Love is….

I took a walk in nature today to clear my mind and somehow came back home with love on my mind. What is it? Is it just a feeling or something more? Don’t ask me why or how I got on this topic but it crossed my mind and here I am ready to see what it’s all about it.

“Love is a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion, and commitment. It involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection and trust.” http://www.verywellmind.com

I decided to look a little deeper and found some quotes that describe love in all its entirety and here are some of my favorites.

“So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.” Paulo Coelho

“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times.” Ann Landers

I like the next one a lot. Why? Because I am a romantic at heart and it speaks to my soul. See what I mean?

“Love is when he gives you a piece of your soul, that you never knew was missing.” Torquato Tasso

“I don’t want a perfect person. I just want someone to act silly with, someone who treats me well and loves being with me more than anything.” Unknown

“You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.” Oscar Wilde

Oscar said it well, don’t you think? Simply beautiful.

“The real lover is a man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space.” Marilyn Monroe

Who knew Ms. Monroe had it in her. The blonde bombshell went deeper than her looks and I love that quote.

Next is my girl, Carrie Bradshaw. She knows her love material well.

“I am someone who is looking for real love; ridiculous. inconvenient. consuming. can’t-live-without-each other love.”

“I’d like to think that people have more than one soulmate. If you miss one, along comes another. Like cabs.”

I am not too sure about that one. Perhaps they won’t be called soulmates anymore. Just run of the mill types who walk in and out of your life and that might be a more appropriate description.

My favorite of them all is this one below.

“The heart that’s meant to love you will fight for you when you want to give up, pick you up when you’re feeling down, and will give their smile when it’s hard for you to find yours. They will NEVER get strength from seeing you weak, power from seeing you hurt, or joy from seeing you cry. The heart that’s meant to love you wants to see the best of you, not the hurt you! Never forget that.” Trent Shelton

Feeling all loved up? I know I am. Enjoy your day.

Have an amazing day.

Feeling Loved?

People aside, I would say I feel loved when I see the look in Chachi, the cat’s eyes. When the little guy glances at me, I see it. What? I see the “look of love” and it is unmistakable. A soft purr, a wink and a softness signals his way of saying “I love you.” It is often followed by him rubbing his body up against my leg and hunching his back waiting to be picked up.

I say the little guy is a mommy’s boy. Just last night, he cuddled up close in bed. Then he turned his head sideways to look at me and when I planted a kiss on his soft furry cheek, the “purr” took on a life of its own and went to new heights. It went from soft to a high shrill purr. Happy? I suppose so. It takes very little to make him happy but his love is unconditional and the best part, there are no mind games and no guessing games either! What you see is what you get and I like that a lot. So yes, the little bundle of joy in a fur coat makes me feel loved and that is putting it mildly!

Daily writing prompt

Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?

View all responses

Cheaters Anonymous

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“Cheating is the most disrespectful thing one human being can do to another. If you aren’t happy in a relationship, end it before starting another one.” Abhishek Tiwari

It is also known as infidelity and defined as “when a person in a monogamous romantic relationship has an emotional or sexual relationship with someone else without their partner’s consent.” I can talk about this till the cow’s come home but cheating on someone, especially someone who loves you is disrespectful, hurtful and the antithesis of love. I was on the receiving end of such a relationship.

He was everything I wanted at that time. Sweet, gentle, loving, down-to-earth and it just felt like we belonged together. A marriage, a son and seventeen years later, I was staring at a blank page. He was successful in his career earning more than most and suddenly the gentle, sweet and nondescript guy had suddenly turned into every girl’s dream guy. His self-worth blew up like a balloon that not even a pin could deflate and he was floating on a bed of arrogance. I was still the girl he had met at the university dance, fell in love with and married. Suddenly I realized and to my dismay that he had moved on without looking back and I was left carrying the bag, the bag of broken dreams and relegated to the role of “lady-in-waiting.” The “nobody” was front and center and his priority.

According to Kiki Strack, “A man can love you from the bottom of his heart, and still find room at the top for somebody he claimed was nobody.”

Kiki speaks to the heart of the matter. Cheaters do not have a problem with this concept. The “nobody” will shine until the glitter wears off and he is ready to move to the next conquest. The problem is cheaters learn that they can have the best of both worlds without being held accountable for their actions. It is only when they get caught and their so called dream world comes crashing down and they have to pay the piper that facing the truth becomes a problem for them.. Unfortunately few learn from their mistakes. Once you take a bite from the apple of sin, there is no going back.

Melissa Edwards says it well. “Once a cheater, always a repeater.”

Looking back, it is not the cheater who has to pay a price but the victims who find themselves in a place that they don’t want to be in. There is nothing that can describe the pain of watching the trust you placed in one specific person be broken into a million pieces. No there is no putting back what was destroyed and no matter how hard you try, a patched heart is not a pretty sight. Years after I walked away, the walls are still up. Someone once asked me, “How can there be love without trust?” Good question but I have no answers.

“Trust once lost, could not be easily found. Not in a year, perhaps not even in a lifetime.” J.E.B Spredemann

I am learning to spread my wings, yes the same wings that got clipped when I learned about his infidelity. It has been a long, slow and painful journey forward. One slow step at a time and along the way, I have met many more like him. Men who cheat because they can. These days I have learned to spot the signs before it is too late. I listen to what it tells me. They say there is a tendency to fall for the same types over and over again. Why? Maybe the heart gravitates to what it has known and it is comfortable in that space. It is hard to believe but that may be the case. I do know that I have learned from my mistakes. I also know that I am valuable, a priority and my self-worth matters. I will not be someone’s lady-in-waiting especially when a “nobody” is relegated to a place of power.

Finally this.

“I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

SINGLEDOM

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Being “single” is cringeworthy to some, unbelievable to others, unbearable to those who think “single” is a bad word and a “no go” in today’s society of settling for anything even if it means you are with the wrong person just so long as you have someone to boost your image.

Single is defined as “the state of being unmarried or not involved in a long-term relationship.”

I’m both right now but I have to say it’s working out for me. I love spending time by myself and I’m learning that I like who I am. All the clutter that clouds my mind in a relationship is gone and for a change there is peace and clarity within.

“You’re single not because you are not good enough for one, it’s that you’re too good for the wrong one.” Chris Burkmein

Sometimes we make the wrong choices and wind up in relationships that are not good for us. Taking the time as I am doing to find out why I keep falling for the wrong types is a necessary move on my part. Making a promise to do better the next time around is an integral part of the journey I’m on. It’s a journey of self-discovery and I’m not rushing things. I’m taking my time going within to weed out all the destructive bits that lead me on the self-same journey over and over again.

“It takes a strong person to remain single in a world that is accustomed to settling with anything just to say they have something.” Unknown

Settling is not my thing and never has been and I’m stubborn to a fault. Put the two together and you have someone who may never find the right one and “single” is in her cards forever! However, I’m not giving up hope. Working on myself is a priority this year and when and if the “new” someone shows up, I hope I’ll be ready to lower the banner I have around my heart which says, “Do Not Disturb, Work in Progress!“

It has been said:

“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.” Parade

AND

“I’ve been single for a while and I have to say, it’s going very well.

Like…..It’s working out.

I think I’m the one.”

Unknown

All jokes aside, being “single” is nothing to be ashamed of. It just means you are taking time out for yourself, learning who you are, loving yourself, working on your self-worth and when the time is right, you’ll get your wings and you’ll learn to fly with the right person.

“Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.